Too many to count
I'm at uni, I hope this counts.
Last year I lived in a mixed flat, 3 boys & 3 girls. All the boys were quite frankly freaks! There was one "professional" swimmer who shaved his entire body, fancied me despite him having a gf & me having a bf, borrowed my make-up to cover up where he hurt his nose on his goggles, & used every possible excuse to tell me abt his sex life. But the biggest weirdo was a self confessed Mole. He told us to call him this. He looked, rather unsurprisingly, like a mole. His back was hunched over, glasses over squinty eyes, the guy NEVER showered, he spent all day every day on his sodding computer playing World of Sodding Warcraft, his room smelt like a cess pit & it would literally make you want to throw up if you walked past it (we complained constantly & he claimed it was because his computer overheated, yeah right), plus he was completely socially retarded- would enter a room where us girlies were having chats about periods/first kisses/insert generic female conversation, & just stand there. Not contributing, just standing there, silently, watching. He freaked the crap out of us.
BUT this year is no better. One of the guys I live with is also socially retarded, does the same silent-standing thing. I think you've got to meet him to understand his weirdness...he reminds me of Gollum.
I have met far too many of this type of people in my life.
(Shelob, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:36, Reply)

Johnny the Werewolf
I was lucky enough to go to a good school in Essex (one of few) which contained some pretty damn bright sparks (I wasn't one of them.)

One such spark, however, was Johnny. He was stupendously intelligent, but totally socially retarded. He played flute in the school orchestra and we'd point and laugh at the way he'd close his eyes and sway gently as he played. This was fair enough, a lot of people really get into their music.

He was generally avoided in school by pretty much everyone, being impossible to hold a conversation with. I know for fact that he got 11 A*s in his GCSEs, and one B. His parents nearly threw him out for letting a grade slip, which may well explain why he was so fucked up... Twats for parents can do that.

However, a friend of mine saw him last. He was on a program on Channel 4 about people who think they're wolves. It turns out that shortly after finishing school, he bought a wolf T-shirt and started walking on all-fours.

He now genuinely thinks he's a wolf.

Fucking wierd....
( The Rabid Ferret of Doom is no longer a badger, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:33, Reply)

Hi
You called?
(alwyn Professional Whittler since:, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:31, Reply)

Vocational qualification perhaps
On reflection, I am wholly perturbed by the sheer number of unwashed, malnourished 'tards at our school.

It's a real challenge to pick just one wierdo for this comp when there were such luminaries as the apparently homeless Dean, who used to sleep in a skip and fondle the earlobe of the boy sitting next to him during lessons. Or Roy, a pansy giant of a boy who could never be wrong. Roy had to take a week off once after he publicly burst into tears when some girls proved he was wrong about something, his excuse afterwards being that he ate an 'off yoghurt'. Aren't all yoghurts technically off? The psychoanalysts must be laughing all the way to the bank.

And yet, amongst this crowd of halfwit inbreeds, there is someone who stands out as exceptional: Wesley Webb. What a name! At the time I thought his heart was in the right place, despite the blubber, that terrible greasy side parting, the awful stink of unwashed, unhousetrained boy, those dubiously stained trousers and that off-white, half-tucked in shirt. Despite even the all too plausible stories from the boy's changing rooms at PE time: Sir had to force a vehemently unwilling Wesley to shower after Games only to discover he had shat himself on the quiet and was caked in the stuff. At the time, I hadn't seen it with my own eyes and was loathe to take the word of one halfwit over another.

No, it's in retrospect that I saw him for the vile boy he really was. At age eleven, a square in the making, I sat at the front of the class. A few times a day during lessons, say three or four, there would be this rhythmic grunting sound from behind me, accompanied by pungent odours. I shudder to think that I didn't actually know what he was doing. An innocent such as myself could turn round in fact to see a sweaty, red-faced Wesley with his hand under the desk, furiously masturbating. I mean you could look him in the eye, it made no difference to his wanking regime whether it was an empty room, a room full of us, a room full of nuns even. And this several times a day to its obvious conclusion without leaving the classroom at all.

I literally had a moment one day when I looked back on my school days and thought: Wait! That boy was WANKING!



You loved the length, stop complaining.
(Dr Wee is rummaging through the spare kidneys on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:29, Reply)

most of these kids..
were probably abused by their parents


you fucking cunts
(milk_explosion, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:28, Reply)

Quibble
Surely these days all that stuff makes you the normal kid in class?

We had several;

the twins (Prestons I think they were called) who were so small and weedy that they wouldn't make one person if you stuck them together.

Bod, who got paid a quid to drink an osmosis experiment by my mate Dave. Got caught by the teacher and made to buy smarties for everyone for being stupid. He wasn't too bright.

There are more. I will add them as I think of them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:26, Reply)

Pembernob
Mark Pembernob (I cant remember his real surname either) was a wacko and a pr0n fiend.

On first year camp I was unlucky enough to share a tent with him and he masturbated non stop.
So much so that when 4 of us were returning from a fishing trip we saw his little blue tent shaking violently as he reached another crescendo.

He had a few pages from a copy of Rodox which he liberally showed people, including his mother, or so he told us.
I vaguely recall him bragging that he had had sex with his mother too.

He had a teddy bear in his room with a hole cut into the crotch so he could pork it when the mood took him.

He fell 'in love' with one of the class slappers, and used to comment on her short skirts and legs in a way that made even me feel a bit ill.

He left in the 3rd year to go to a school in the fens where I'm sure his talents were well received. He may have even been the coolest kid in the school by the time he sat his GCSEs.

That was Pembernob.
(LunarJim, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:19, Reply)

The weird kid in my school...
Oh that was definitely me, although I didn’t know it at the time.
The 60’s were not exactly enlightened and informed times and having experienced something rather bad I went from being a very withdrawn child, into being an antisocial loner teenager with some rather dubious habits.

I'm the one on Friends Reunited that former classmates probably read up on out of curiosity and would never dream of contacting.
They probably wonder if (a) I ever landed in prison or a nuthouse or (b) if I'm in some drug rehab program.
Neither actually, but I can understand the expectations.

It’s like I tell my daughter, be kind to the weird kid – there’s probably a reason for their being odd.
Just don't be the asshole who adds to their troubles.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:18, Reply)

Incestuous with no eyebrows
When I was at school there was a girl called Aimy (please note the spelling, it made her feel special). She was an odd girl, there was no denying it. One day in year 8, our Head Of Year came in to art to tell us that Aimy was looking slightly different and not to laugh at her. This was because she had shaved her eyebrows clean off. Not a hair remained. There was no reason for this, she had just felt like it I believe.
Two years later, I was working in a cafe cleaing up at the end of the day. I saw two people crouched over one of the tables outside. It was Aimy, 7 months pregnant sniffing lighter fluid with a friend. Genius.
Anyway, she had the kid and broke up with the father as apparently she was too violent towards him. No problem, she just got knocked up by someone else. Now who would voluntarily pair up with this well known mental case (whose eyebrows had grown back by now you´ll be pleased to hear). Why, only her previous boyfriends brother (you can imagine that conversation can´t you?..."Hey bro, sorry to hear that she was beating the crap out of you, can I have a go now?"). So by my calculations her children are brother/sister/cousin things.
Welcome to Wiltshire B3tards!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:16, Reply)

Talcum Powder Porn Fiend
I was 13 so couldn't resist when Aaron tempted me round the back of the Art Block with a porn mag. (Aaron was also 13, in case you're wondering ...)

Not having seen much porn before I was increadibly excited and as the mag came out of his bag I was overwhlemed with a sweet smell. "What's that?" I asked, pointing to the fluffy white dollops on the pages.

"It's talcum powder on my cum so the pages don't stick together".

10 out of 10 for thought, but what sort of a freak shows your mate a porno which is 70% jiz and 10% Brut 33 talc? Now I can't have a wank without spraying on some CK One first. Aaron, you utter bastard.
(Mozchops ... just not in the face, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:12, Reply)

Finally!
Been waiting 3 years for this question. Its too easy.

Matthew I - a mong without being an actual mong.

First off, in PE, specifically, the shot putt. He couldnt lift it. So he had to use a PRACTICE CRICKET BALL. And he still came LAST.

He was thick. Like Jade Goody thick. He was tiny you could lift him up off the ground with one hand even when he was about 16. He never tried to do anything. He wouldnt have got a thousandth of the grief he did if he just tried to do something. In 5th year, 1st year kids would quite regualarly kick the shit out of him.

He thought everyone in our class was on drugs (he had heard about them on Blue Peter). We spent years re-inforcing this belief. We used to drop little foil packets of flour and salt in front of him "accidentally" and always used to have "drug paraphanalia" - this was 1984, we made it up, there werent drugs back then in middle class cheshire if you were 12. He used go absolutely mental and run off to the headmaster. We did this for years, daily, and he never realised.

About 4 years in to school, and we werent bored with it, we kind of put up with him but he was tired really, I decided to do something rather brilliant/quite nasty. I went round to his house and introduced myself to his (rather elderly) parents as Matthew's 'friend'. So delighted was Mrs I. to have a visitor for the little treasure, she showed me straight through to his room. The look on his little stupid face as I walked in all smiley was unforgettable. I made him show me all his stuff for ages, with him never quite sure why I was there or my motivations. I think I just wanted to show him that I could walk in to his life whenever I liked.

Yes, I'm probably going to hell. I should point out that we didnt understand words like 'psychological torture' when we were kids. We, his classmates, weren't physical bullies, we never hit him or anything like that. We used to get the occasional kickings from the proper hard kids. He was the ultimate weird kid in class though. The last time i saw him he was working the plastic cup beer bar at the M.E.N arena. You cant miss him, he looks like a mong.

In fairness, he knew the Guiness Book of Pop Music off by heart which led to him single handedly winning the Radio 1 Pop Quiz - the one with Mike Read - a few times. They even used to record it at our school.

Edit: Found this. ccr-fm.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=162
This might be him. Not saying. OK, then, it is!
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:10, Reply)

Tristan Hoad
He was properly mentally Ill poor Tristan. He was want to have weekly episodes where he would go out onto the school playing field armed with his compass and stab any adults / teachers that were sent out to calm him down....
I was the one kid who could get near him and get him calm and return him to his lessons.... You wouldnt get away with that in todays PC world!
Thats right the adults used to send out an 8 year old child to control and subdue the psychopath with a compass!
I miss Tristan, he was sent to a 'special' school after Junior school and I only got to see him years later aged about 20 in the local high street... he wasnt the same after that special school :(
( M o D, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 14:04, Reply)

Wierd AND Useful...
...is how I'd describe a lad in my first (there was more than one - we moved about a bit back then) primary school. Can't recall his first name, but his last was Molyneux, AKA Molly - nothing really outlandish about him to be honest, he was fun to knock about with, but he was unusual in one respect.

Molly always, ALWAYS wore a big blue wooly pullover to school and whenever a wasp or bee strayed into the playground at breaktimes, Molly was called in to despatch it by flailing at it with this huge pullover, which surprisingly worked very well. Moreover, Molly himself was always delighted to perform his Bee Basher function and did so with considerable enthusiasm. In return, we cheered him on and were grateful when the stingy thing was neutralised.

It's a pity that we were in a school where they separated the boys and girls playgrounds - Molly would have been popular beyond his dreams otherwise :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:56, Reply)

fucked up animal torturer
Went to school with a seriously fucked up farmer's kid who liked to torture animals. His favourite, he said, was to lock rabbits in his dad's barn, set them on fire, and watch as they ran around screaming. Something about his piercing blue eyes, wierd grin, and the precise detail of his repeated descriptions, lent a chilling believability to his stories. He was eventually locked up for psychiatric treatment when he took it upon himself to scrawl illustrations of his acts all over his A-level biology exam. No one ever saw him again.
( octopus footwear raaa, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:52, Reply)

Convent schools, again
I’ve already mentioned a couple of the weirdos in the Beautiful but Bonkers qotw.. here



There were plenty of weird girls at my school but weirder still were some of the staff members.

Many people believe that all girls’ schools are a hotbed of lesbian activity and I would be lying if I said that some didn’t go on…..


One girl in the year above me, a good friend of mine, had first hand experience of this….

One day after a PE lesson Tanya got chatting to the female teacher; they both had a shared love of hockey and the teacher offered to lend Tanya some magazines she had.

Tanya thought no more of it until a week later when she and the teacher were in the PE store alone at the end of the day.

Tanya made a pass at the teacher – apparently she ‘accidentally’ brushed her hand against the teacher’s breast and pretty soon they were naked in the store room….

The two of them were an item for some time until Tanya started to behave oddly….well, the teacher thought it odd…Tanya started hanging out with boys….

Finally it all came to a head when Tanya had to go visit the teacher (who lived on site) to return those magazines. Tanya had decided that really she preferred boys and wanted to break things off with the teacher…

She went into the staff house and as it was during school hours it was deserted, or should have been….

Tanya said that the sounds she heard were amazing, astounding….animal sounds….no….

The teacher was in bed with the (female) cook….and when Tanya walked in on them the teacher was horrified but the cook asked if she wanted to join in….

Weirdly, Tanya said no.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:48, Reply)

Dave
We had a kid called Olugbade [insert another 20 odd names here] and then his surname (won't mention it). He's lie *all* the time. Even with his middle names. The teachers renamed him "Dave" on day one of the first year when they reached his name on the registration list.

He had really cold hands. We knew this cos when he got aggressive, he'd try to strangle people. He smelled of cheese and onion walkers even though he preferred ready salted and on occassion, wore no socks.
(schrembot says nah..., Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:43, Reply)

Victor Wall
There was a kid at our school called Victor Wall. Word was that as he got older, people realised he was a bit "Dim" so he had to take all the usual tests. The results were that there is a line between "Educationally sub-normal" and mentally disabled and he was the line! He wasn't in my year so I didn't actually know him but a few years after he left school, he was arrested for sexually interfering with a horse. It's alright though, it was a female horse so at least he's not gay!

I also heard that several years later, the police went round his house and caught him shagging his Mum.
(the.gregster, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:41, Reply)

Jason
One standout memory from secondary school was Jason, who in an outstanding display of crazy man rage 'chased' a number of people round the schoolyard on his knees with tears streaming down his face whilst trying to attack them with the most awesome and deadly of weapons....his shoes.

Never did find out what got him so upset.
(BringOutYourDead Bi-polar, the sexually adventurous bear, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:40, Reply)

Johnathan Macro
Apart from "Macro" being a strange enough name, this guy was also convinced that he was an alien.
A few of us quizzed him at length on a number of occasions about his off-planet heritage, and he was always happy to talk about it, and had a huge and watertight story.
Most zany kids would make up a story like this for a joke, and keep it up for a few weeks at the most. But Johnathan Macro claimed that he was an alien from the first ever day he came to our school, and on his day of leaving (5 years later) he was just as serious and convinced about the matter.

I'd love to know if anyone else ever heard anything about him (after all, it is an unusual surname). Did he get taken back to his homeland, like E.T., or did he turn out to be just a basket case, like Prot?

Please message me if you've heard his name!
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:29, Reply)

Kid from Sydney
I was brought up in a suburban town in Lake Macquarie, which is around 150kms north of Sydney, just south of Newcastle. Nothing too strange or too inbred - it seems almost too normal now (especially now that the internet has become my definition of normal).

Anyway, around age 14 a boy joins whose parents moved up from Sydney, and it was rare to have any new blood the class. He had a hyphenated surname too, which instantly made him a weird one.

He was a bit of a joker, and realised soon that he could easily shock everyone just by being himself. Then he must have realised he had to become weirder and weirder to get the same reaction.

By the end of school he had followed the alcohol trail through beer, wine, vinegar, cough syrup, mouth gargle and anything else he could find with a percentage sign or "ol" in the ingredient list. He was smart enough to know that cough syrup had a lot of anti-histamines in it, and that would be like taking a massive downer, but despite trying to balance it with uppers he was almost comatose at the end of that day.

After a bit of research he found out that the mind remembers things in the state that it learns them ie we remember things when we are drunk that we learn when we are drunk, so he goes about studying for his final exams drunk and rocks up to as many exams as he can pissed. Nice theory, not too successful in practice.

Oh, and he was seeing a doctor about his liver a couple of years after school as he was pissing blood one weekend.

I remember him trying to pull start a 6hp motor for a dingy (his? stolen?) after getting pissed at a party - after he fell in the water trying to start it I decided to get a lift home in a car instead.

Plenty of stories of his "secret" fetishes (for some reason his dream of being naked in a bathtub of wet lettuce left a lasting impression on me).

I need not say he like lighting fires - fine, I had an interest in that once I got a magnifying glass myself, and I doubt he was involved in the couple of fires at the school while I was there. Eventually worked his way up to be in charge of the fire brigade (still goes around lighting them though).

MD-W was a good mate for many years.
(Skippyfillet, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:25, Reply)

It was private school. We paid for quality weird kids.
A few years below us there was a fishlipped kid called Ben (he'll be about 17 by now). He was quite short, and almost completely spherical. On his first day in school he came up to me and asked if I would mind going out with him. He was 12 and I was 15.

This year the school resurrected something they'd banned a couple of years before - the Christmas talent contest. Ben jumps at the chance to compete, and proceeds to perform a dance routine he has copied from the video.

The song in question was It's Raining Men.

There were rumours his dad ran a gay bar, that his dad was gay, that Ben was gay (he told everyone he was bi). I think they "asked him to leave" in the end, because he refused to do his work and that was the last anyone saw of him.
( Maladicta, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:24, Reply)

Me?
I think I went through a weird stage at school - this was before I discovered alcohol at the ripe age of 12....

Anyhoo

I had a temper, a proper "eppy"* temper - I'd lose randomly, someone/something that I was fine with a minute ago, I'd flip out about - you know, throwing things and generally being hulk like. Without the green. Or big muscly body. Or bad hair.

Ahem.

* I am sorry, but a loss of temper was known as having an eppy. I now recognise this as being mildly offensive, but that was 15 odd years ago so ner.

Size? I can make you be not able to sit down ;-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:21, Reply)

Flashback
David Fletcher I think his name was, he was nicknamed "Gollum" for reasons that have been lost in the mists of time.

I can't remember why he was the weird kid, but he was. He was just, you know, freaky.

Saying that.... He once called me a bad name (I'm black* so it was the "N" word) - FOr whatever reason I flipped out and it took 5 people to restrain me from getting to him to rip out his throat. I got to him eventually and politely asked him to never do it again.

* Well, I'm not that black, in fact I'm whiter than some of my white friends (so they say anyway) - something to do with being posh I think :-)

Size? Yep.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:18, Reply)

yep, it was me
I was weird. I was both a beanpole and a boff, apparently. Which was enough to provoke people into throwing chairs at me, punching me in the face on the school bus and pushing me down a flight of concrete steps, breaking two ribs.

(Fortunately since growing I found that being a tall, thin girl with good qualifications isn't such a terrible thing. Ehhh... smug now, IN UR FACE BULLIEZ!!!!!!)
(pandora peroxide thinks it's a blocker, master! on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:17, Reply)

Weird kid
Called Smithy. He did many things such as sing Prince songs for no reason, freely admit to wiping spunk on his stained jacket and cry whenever the fire alarm went off.

His finest hour came when he developed an obsession for a girl a few years young than us. He followed her home where her mother saw him and grilled him as to who he was. He said the name of our form tutor (who was a bit of a sexual deviant) and nearly got him arrested for harrasment of a minor. Everyone knew it would be Smithy that did it bar the Head and the Police. The look of anger on our form tutors face when we walked in was priceless. The careless, retarded laugh that Smithy gave out when quizzed about it made it even better.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:12, Reply)

well...
i wear almost entirely black, even in blistering summer heat.
i have a *ridiculously* long fringe (dyed black of course, complete with red streak)
i wear various women's clothing
i listen to music that could pretty accurately be described as 'a bloody awful racket'
i write poetry (aha...i'm sorry...)
i wear black eyeliner from time to time
all my art has some form of deathly theme, next year i'm going to art college in london :)
i cry
i often get mistaken for a girl (like the time the lift operaters were doing the handshakeround wotsit - i work in a ski resort btw - and he went to do the french double kiss and i was like...err....wtf mate?)
i have my lip pierced (twice)

but i do jump at gigs...my ribs will never be the same.

and wierdest of all...i find all of these things rather amusing.
that's right boys and girls,
i AM the wierd kid in class.
oddly enough, i was the only one in my class (emo that is...we gots plenty o' wierdos...an all boy's grammar school does funny things to a chap's sense of humour...)

and that is all.
(quibble, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:08, Reply)

Michelle
was always slightly odd. She climbed onto the window ledge in a 3rd floor classroom and sat there (during a lesson). Teacher asked what she was doing, and she replied that she was going to jump. He called her bluff by telling her to go ahead.
Wrong move. She broke both legs and was committed soon after.
(Redbull_(UK) pfffft, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:05, Reply)

The bragger...
I remember a bigger lad in my year in Juniors, you know the type, he reckoned he was best at everything, spoilt by his parents who bought him everything, he was always better than you. Even the expensive summer holiday to Italy, where he high dived off a cliff and smashed his head on the rocks... he never came back to school?
(minky, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:03, Reply)

I'm shocked that none of my old classmates have written about me yet
Oh well, there's still six days left until this closes
( smokey bobinson westing by musket and sexton, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 13:00, Reply)

I went to school with....
Twat at the bottom of the link

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/73464.stm

He was sent to our school from Brislington school in Bristol (a school attended by Peter Andre, who was also bullied there I believe) due to having been bullied and it didn't stop when he came to our school either.

He wasn't allowed in the army when he left school as he didn't pass the psychiatric testing, surprisingly. So he saw fit to start a fire in an attempt to look like a hero by getting everyone out.

I got on quite well with him, but the boy was a freak and I hope the 7.5 years in Strangeways sorted him out.

length is good when you can get it
( 99redbuffoons Reversed the polarity of the neutron flow at, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 12:57, Reply)