Worst Nicknames EverEveryone wants a cool nickname like "Ace", "Boss", or "Iron". Kids being kids, that's not what we get - the kid with polio gets called Johnny Spazm, your Ginger Fuhrer was called Rob Man-you-smell and your question master was "Tommy" Trinder despite him being dead for years.
Tell us the worst you've heard and the stories behind them.
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chthonic, Thu 18 May 2006, 15:45)
This question is now closed.
Mrs. CrackWe had a biology teacher who wore her trousers so tight that she had permanent camel toe - hence Mrs. Crack.
Shudder. Bad visual memories.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 16:37, Reply)
high school nickname competitionIn high school i achieved second place in having the best nickname (Gibbon, which does rock).
In first place came "Ugly Stud", who was...well..ugly, but a stud. All the ugly chicks loved him cuz he was not a fussy lover. One time in the common room he scored with one girl, got up, walked to the other side of the room and scored with another...Legend.
Whilst a girl at St Martins Uni (Ambleside) was dubbed "Arse Belly" due to her huge pertruding stomach. She wore vomit inducing belly tops despite her physical disposition
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 16:34, Reply)
Monkeys BumA teacher at our school, nobody knew his name, nobody knew if he really was a teacher but due to his stubbly blotchy complexion we dubbed him thus.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 16:32, Reply)
GarethMy mate Gareth calls one of his employees 'onion'
I asked him why and he said 'cos every time I fuggin look at him I want to cry'
Magic
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 16:30, Reply)
Beware your first words at 'Big' school...There was a guy from my primary school who went on to a Catholic secondary with me that was about 30 miles away from where we both lived.
On the first day we were obviously nervous about meeting all these other kids. The teacher broke the ice by asking us where we all went on holiday over the summer. He said 'Wales' and is still known as Taffy to this day, 17 years later.
Asked how he got the nickname now he says it's because he's descended from a noble line of Welsh Kings. 5 years ago, he said it was because he was Tom Jones' ilegitimate son. If anyone meets a 'Taffy' from Yorkshire, you know the truth!
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 16:09, Reply)
My friend gave odd nicknames to her familyHer dad was Moose.
Sister was Smoky Ant.
Brothers were Stalk and Belly.
I was lucky, all she did was put a 'the' in front of my full name, make a song out of it and sing it regularly for the next 25 years.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 15:19, Reply)
Guy in collegewith huge shovel hands was known as tommy-sausage-fingers. Mates ex was originally known as tits and teeth for obvious reasons. She got fat, so naturally became tits, teeth and tires.
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DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Tue 23 May 2006, 15:18,
Reply)
My nickname.......was "abortion"...
shortened to "abort" in later years at school.
Thankfully that was left at school along with my colleague called "guppy drowner". Strange boy.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 15:12, Reply)
I had a GCSE Chemistry teacher......who had a bald patch on his head in an incredibly distinctive shape, resulting in the nickname Ace of Spades.
He also had an additional nickname which I personally used, the basis of which was due to the fact that the ends of his fingers were swollen and resembled little bell-ends. I called him Dick Fingers. Once to his face. I didn't fulfill his request to repeat myself.
Yeah, so anyway, there was this other chap called James Gardener. He was soon called Uphill Gardener. Uphill to his friends.
Another large chap I knew was called Gillette, because he pretty much had a full beard since infant school.
A girl, who was rather pleasing in the aesthetics department, was called BB. Why? Cuz she was so tight you couldn't push a greased ball bearing up her arse.
And finally, a fella who was called Jobsey (this was his surname). Jobsey became Jobo. That then changed to Hobo. And then to HoboCop; which, in my personal opinion, is a fucking great nickname.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 15:12, Reply)
Now thats telling her!!Had a mate who had a strange brother. We used to call him Aids....
The reason was as follows.
One day back in the 80's we were helping him copy porn movies from video to video as he could not work out how to do this. When in comes his mum and catches him with Peter North on screen routing some lady Greek style.. His Mum goes nuts and he justifies his potential wank fest by shouting the following immortal line at her.
"Well its better than catching AIDS!!"
He has been known as AIDS behind his back ever since...
Size? Oh what a big one you have Mr Airbus...
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 15:11, Reply)
I was named..."Stuart" back when we were all dirty college stoners. Something to do with looking like Stuart out of Beavis and Butthead.
First post yadda yadda.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 15:10, Reply)
SheepInRubberPantsTurnMeOnI know a girl nicknamed Bushpig and a guy named John who has got a foreskin like a windsock. Do you have any connection to Swansea by any chance?
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 14:31, Reply)
a selection of random nicknamesAt my job, at a student's union, we all have nicknames to use over the radio. Some of them have very interesting (and sometimes dodgy)stories behind them!
They include:
Teabag: first night of work he got told by some other stewards to go grab a cup of tea, and relax. The boss then gave him a b*llocking for sitting down whilst the others were working hard clearing up.
Date Rape: he was trying to help a girl having a bit of a domestic with her boyfriend. Date Rape would keep checking on her, eventually she got a bit scared of him and he replied with *look love, I'm not trying to date rape you or anything, just making sure you're ok!*
Nutf*ck: kept f*cking up the bolts that held railings together on a stage, requiring the use of an angle grinder after every shift to undo them.
Dingo (me): they linked my surname with the well-known australian beer...and dingoes are australian.
Wolfie: joined at the same time as me, got nicknamed after Dingo's sidekick in a cartoon.
Bert (shortened version of his own name), and another who joined at the same time was therefore named Ernie.
Gentle: ironic, seeing as he's huge.
Tarzan and Jane: two rather hefty American Footballers.
Scooby: because when he runs his legs go round fast like Scooby Doo's, and his body seems to stay still.
Bones: last name Jones
Mummy Lumb: last name Lumb
Others, to which I don't know the stories, include:
Fister, Butcher, Daps, Fifi, Frisbee, Kiss, Bully, Ballbag, Starburst, Pepe. There are others, but give me a moment to remember them! I'm new to this, after all!
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 14:28, Reply)
Shit namesI used to know a girl called 'Vicky Selley'
This became 'Sticky Celery', and I puked all over her gold star artwork.
There was also another called Lucy Lister, with which the following prose was born:
'Lucy Lister got a blister on her clister'
Clister being clitorus although I didn't get to puke on it unfortunately.
That was the sound of my cherry being blistered, apologies for length, but Granny can't take the pain anymore
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 14:25, Reply)
Chippy, I do hope you read this......BUSHPIG Nice name for a lady friend of mine thought up by a delightful rugby headed twat bag I worked with…
In turn I used to call him Chippy, as he looked like a big fat gay chipmunk… Eventually this was also used by all his inbreed Neanderthal mates as they thought it was spot on as well…
Morel of this story, don’t call people names when you are the king of freaks yourself…
Length, She might have woken up if I could have gotten it in sideways…
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 14:09, Reply)
Remembered some more..My sister is "Lala" because when I was little I couldn't say Nicola. She still gets called this by my Mum, despite me growing out of the habit around 20 years ago.
A friend was "Heat Seeking Missle" all through 6th Form because of her indiscriminate approach to picking sexual partners, and boy some of the guys she picked up were rougher than f**k.
Finally, at Uni we had the wonderfully unimaginative name of "Bighead" for an Algerian student in our Halls who had a very odd shaped (almost a cube, it had corners) very large head.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:56, Reply)
The continuing journey of Captain Johnny T Nozzle of the good ship parker...Just remembered this one, friend of a friend's was Johnny Nozzle or Johnny the Nozzle.
Why pray tell I hear you ask? Well apparently he had an exceptional long foreskin….Reminiscent of a parker coat hood apparently…
Its not the length it’s the suction on the blow back vicar………..
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:55, Reply)
One my brother came up withHe works with a gay bloke who is Scottish and has a lot of body hair.
He's known as "Hairy, Queen of Scots"
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:53, Reply)
Anyone remember King's Quest V?It contained Cedric, the most annoying owl in the world. Not because of anything he did, but because of his ridiculous voice. It still brings a smile to my friends' faces, many years later, to hear "If you're going in there, Graham, than I'm staying out here!"
My brother Dewg decided that Cedric bore a striking resemblance to me. The fact that I didn't actually look anything like him made no difference, as is usual for these kinds of things.
So he decided to remind me on an hourly basis with a new nickname.
For reasons unknown to the world, instead of calling me 'Cedric', he called me 'Graham', after the far less annoying main character. Of course, because it was agreed upon in our area that Graham was gay, Dewg altered his name as such.
For a while, I was known as "Pinky Graham, king of Daventry."
Apologies for NOTHING.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:48, Reply)
Macho ManRough tough NFL quaterback Jim Everett was the victim of a provocative interview where the host kept calling him 'Chris' after Chris Everett the woman tennis player.
Jim snapped.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO4J-F9WcF0&search=jim%20everett
The lesson for today children is 'don't call people insulting nicknames especially if they are big bastards.'
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:42, Reply)
i have a fewPhil my Dad calls me 'Spud' as aparntly i had a potato looking head as a baby :S. My sister calls me 'Munch' cos im her munchkin. And my fella calls me 'buttmunch'. And as my hyphenated surname has the initials H-P i have had 'HP sauce','saucey sophe','sophs's sauce' and my mate calls me 'HP bean flicker', shortened to 'flic' or 'flika'or 'bean flicker'. And occasionally 'mongo' and 'moon'
i have lovely friends :'(
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:28, Reply)
Would you like fish for tea son? No mum Ive already had one...Went to collage with a chap who used to get called 255, this is FF in hexadecimal code for you non geeks… And pray tell what is FF short for… Well the rumor was, once on a night fishing trip he placed his manhood in a trout’s mouth and pleasured himself while a bit tipsy… Hence Fish Fucker or FF to his friends & family….
PS... I have just been informed Trout have little sharp pointy teeth...Ow...
Nob joke, I had mine blown off in the war and its not at all funny having to sit down to piss….
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:23, Reply)
They call me Jilla Killa hereI don't know why.
They don't let me out much. I don't like it here.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:19, Reply)
My grandmother's nickname was BillyShe also had a horse called Billy.
Must be a bit odd to have the same name as your horse.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:12, Reply)
a quick onelad at school got the nickname "pinky".
alleged to have fingered a cats arse with his little finger.
thankyou.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:05, Reply)
How to abuse a mate...Used to call a good friend the following names as it used to really wind him up to the point he would always strop off in girly huff.. We would drive him nuts by not telling him for weeks or months what they were about. Here a few with explanations attached.
Badger : Someone told me that badgers shagged cats, So a round about way of calling him a cat shagger!!
Chandelier : As in rhyming slang for queer as he was so gay when he would get in a strop and run off. Again this one went on for weeks until he eventually persuaded us to tell him what it meant.. Funnily enough he still stropped off when we called him it.
Vic : Short for “Victor Mature” as he was so mature when he would strop off like a girl when we called him Vic.. For some reason this was accompanied by us holding out both arms bent a 90 degrees at the elbow.. Cannot for life of me remember why… Eventually we did not even need to say "Vic" just stand around with our arms out and would eventually have a hissy fit and strop off..
Just to add a little information, you may think this was a bunch of eight year olds being shits to each other… No were all 19 or 20 at the time…..
Length ? Singing “To the ends of my girth...Laa la la laaa”...
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 13:04, Reply)
Mates of mine had the usual pathetic nicknamesat school.
One who blagged his homework at the last minute (by copying out a badly-chosen passage from an encyclopaedia about fairies) was derisively called 'Fairy' by the teacher.
Every possible variation on the more unmanly meanings of the word 'Fairy' then followed him around for the next 5 years.
20-odd years later, the mere expression 'Fair enough!' made him cringe.
The nastiest nick went to the nicest bloke. He was inexplicably called 'Shitbag', which evolved into SB, Shitters, Terz, Shitters-Old-Bean and so on.
However, SB was later known to sport the biggest man-thing in existence. He had quite a few nicknames then, spoken by women in hushed awe and NEVER with one's mouth full.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 12:36, Reply)
This Ol' House......A friend at school had the surname Stevens and suffered from occasional bad eczema. This being the early 1980’s and a certain Mr Shakin’ Stevens topping the charts, we had our very own Flakin’ Stevens.
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 11:59, Reply)
Not at all P.C. but…..............A friends dad used to be in the merchant navy and spent a lot of time backwards and for wards to Africa in the 50’s. He told me the following story.
I those days you had to have a letter of reference to work on the docks. Also a European name would aid in getting a job. So our poor African friends would ask nice European sailors to write them references and give them English names. The following stuck in my memory but you can imagine their were many more. Also pity anyone asking a German crew for the same as they were far less P.C….
Names
Birds custard
Ajax Vim
Sunlight Soap
Etc.
References:
Lazy unreliable bastard, steals anything he can.
Don't give him a job as he stinks of piss and is work-shy.
Filthy stealing git, also lazy and illiterate.
Funnily enough these names used to get more work, as the ships crew thought it was hilarious to have someone caller Birds Custard or the like, running around on board…
Length, you don't want it to long when doing it Greek style to loverly flossy...
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 11:34, Reply)
What WAS his name?When I was about 10, I was in a tenpin bowling league (which is a pretty tragic way to start a story, I know.) Anyway, there was this lad there who wore glasses. We all called him 'Four Eyes'.
As far as we were concerned, that was his name. He answered to it, and even referred to himself as 'Four Eyes'. It's only now, 16 years down the line, that I realise that, not only do I not have the faintest idea what his real name was; but that it's not exactly ... acceptable.. to call a bespectacled fella 'Four Eyes'.
The innocence of youth, eh?
(, Tue 23 May 2006, 11:00, Reply)
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