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morning

(, Thu 28 Aug 2025, 5:56, Reply)
It is my solemn duty to report that Purple Aki has died.

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 21:53, Reply)
Thanks, I saw that on /links, never heard of the cunt

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:01, Reply)
Fucking hell, that’s a blast from the past.
The muscular boys of Liverpool can breathe easy once again.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:05, Reply)
Is this some kind of joke?

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:22, Reply)
"The following year he had the 10-year ban on touching men’s biceps lifted..."

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:33, Reply)
Purple Rpi
fucking hell it's not much to work with
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:23, Reply)
Deathly Pale Aki

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:28, Reply)
Don't let the name put you off it's great beer

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:34, Reply)
Thanks for not making a shit pun about it.

(, Thu 28 Aug 2025, 3:52, Reply)
Happy now
Wine and trash TV, innit. Thank you for a moment of attention and warranted derision.

Stand down.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:22, Reply)
AI is really great and you should buy some

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:52, Reply)
AI can help you when choosing wine! Did you know, barley and ginger are common sources of wine!

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:57, Reply)
Jesus titting Christ
Ai is bunk and can get in the fucking sea
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 21:29, Reply)
Also: carrot!

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:21, Reply)
AI no corrida, true story

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:07, Reply)
Evening
I'm miserable. Say something amusing or cheering, so i don't hurt myself.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 18:34, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 18:35, Reply)
Not you, obvs

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 18:51, Reply)
Can’t help you there.
I haven’t said anything amusing since b3ta.com/talk/3692236
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 18:38, Reply)
literally lol
"LLOL"
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:08, Reply)
Trying to make complete strangers complicit in/responsible for your own self-harm is a massive red flag.
Please seek support, advice or help from an actual friend/relative or a reputable support service.

Alt:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Nobody knows, but now the road is pissed.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 19:12, Reply)
What if they're the problem?

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 19:19, Reply)
Use ai

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 19:47, Reply)
Fuck ai
Fucking hate ai
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:06, Reply)
No it's funny

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:50, Reply)
If they're (plural) the problem, then you're (singular) probably the actual problem.

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:24, Reply)
Mate, don't say that to a depressed autist
I've been told I'm wrong all my life.
It's taken 50 years to get to a position where my bullshit is in some way useful, and I'm not going to back down now.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 21:32, Reply)
I like uou, but fuck off with your needy bullshit, I'm not your mate

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:03, Reply)
Live, Laugh, Love

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 19:22, Reply)
my best surviving (I hope) mate has gone awol
undelivered messages for 6 days, can't get through on phone

Yaaaay
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 19:22, Reply)
Do you have any mutuals you could reach? Through Facebook, maybe?

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 19:48, Reply)
Nope
Resorted to using the contact form on his work website
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:05, Reply)
oof that sucks

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 20:07, Reply)


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(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 19:34, Reply)
Hello Invisible Wizard, I'm sorry you're miserable
I hope it blows over and you're not miserable soon
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 22:45, Reply)
Yowsah, I've just had an early lunch and it was SPICY!!!
my lovely neighbours dropped off a pack of Korean food and I think I may have misunderstood it and eaten a very hot kimchi side dish as a meal in itself. Anyway. It was very tasty but I could not quite finish it.

Have you misunderstood any food recently?
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 11:47, Reply)
no I don't think so

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 11:54, Reply)
Yes I was eating a nice sandwich and it said "mmmgmfmfmmf" and I said "what" but it came out as "whffn" because I had my mouth full and it said something again but I just kept chewing and ate it anyway so I don't know what it said

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 11:56, Reply)
all misunderstood food tastes the same

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 12:07, Reply)
Yeah, I bought some alphabetti spaghetti but it was just a load of gibberish

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 12:08, Reply)
Mine only ever spells OOOOOOO

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 12:11, Reply)
The clumsiest pasta is spaghetti oops.

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 12:35, Reply)
george likes his chicken spicy

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 13:04, Reply)
You're turning in to Jimmy.

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 13:51, Reply)
Jimmy's going down!

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 15:01, Reply)
U-oh, there are rumblings
this meal may be rather fast on the throughput.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 13:12, Reply)
ARGHFUCKINGHELL!!!
that was a short stay for that lunch!
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 13:31, Reply)
"I could not quite finish it"

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 15:04, Reply)
You ought to tag mongy, you know how much he loves FOOOOOOOOD threads.

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 14:01, Reply)
#mongychops #foodthreads #b3tashouldhavehashtags #camelknobbing

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 16:59, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 8:04, Reply)
Penis pustules

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 8:20, Reply)
morning penis

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 8:51, Reply)
Morning has penis
Like the first morning
Blackbird has anus
Like the first turd
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 9:00, Reply)
Birds have cloacae, therefore blackbird does *not* have anus.
Unless it's someone else's anus, in which case carry on.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 9:13, Reply)
Well, turds don't *have* anus either.
Honestly I don't know what I was thinking, writing such unhinged nonsense.
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 9:16, Reply)
Ah, the age-old conundrum.
Which came first, the anus or the turd?
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 11:17, Reply)
Turd
Anus evolved after we decided sitting out your mouth was icky
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 17:19, Reply)
That still scans.

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 10:02, Reply)
BLACKBIRD HAS ANUS

GEOSTORM, I mean
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 11:04, Reply)
bumbirds i call them

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 13:01, Reply)
I thought you lot over there would call them flying fannies

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 14:10, Reply)
"boat-tailed grackles"

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 14:59, Reply)
Tramp-bummed Sidewalk-runner

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 15:08, Reply)
GEOSTORM

(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 13:59, Reply)
Wednesday
and it's done rain
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 10:49, Reply)
I've had a way-too-strong coffee
Feeling a bit billy'd up, and not in a good way*

*not that there is a good way
(, Wed 27 Aug 2025, 11:03, Reply)
James Blunt Force Trauma

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 19:06, Reply)
James Blunt And Ed Sheeran’s Live Duet Of “Goodbye My Lover” Shows What A Star Ed Is
I mean, fucking hell. At least Blunt's good at twitter.
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 19:12, Reply)
It would work better as a Wurzels cover

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 19:15, Reply)
I'm going to have to take your word for that hedgey because I cannot even

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 19:52, Reply)
His name is actually James Blount.
When I was young, the minister at one of the local churches was named Blount, and his foster daughter was in my class at primary school. She had massive mental health problems and killed herself when she was 28. Happy birthday, James!
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 19:14, Reply)
That's terrible! We'll never fit all that on the front of the card :(

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 19:49, Reply)
Hang in there!

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 20:44, Reply)

Blunt Force Trauma

sub Prime
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 19:14, Reply)
I celebrated my birthday over the weekend
It was jolly good fun. Had a houseful of friends on Saturday. I’d gone completely overboard with the catering and spent a whole day baking and cooking so have a huge surplus of cake and booze. Could open a patisserie/off license. Also, a vast quantity of hummus.

What do you have too much of?
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 13:06, Reply)
You can't say b3ta

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 13:16, Reply)
Theres no free speech no more

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:16, Reply)
love

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 13:24, Reply)
That’s nice

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:17, Reply)
Send some cake codes to mongychops

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 13:46, Reply)
Cake code?
You mean recipe?
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:17, Reply)
someone left my code out in the rain

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:33, Reply)
And it took so long to source it

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 15:18, Reply)
And I’ll never find that html again

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 18:22, Reply)
Hitler

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:08, Reply)
You can never have too much hitler

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:18, Reply)
make hitler great again

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 16:00, Reply)
"Garold's Blog"

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:09, Reply)
The unsubscribe button doesn’t work

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:18, Reply)
I bloody know!

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 21:23, Reply)
Knobbery

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:16, Reply)
Lucky you

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:19, Reply)
Happy birthday garold

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:34, Reply)
Well thank you

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 18:22, Reply)
something

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:48, Reply)
Anything

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 18:22, Reply)
Pænus

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 15:00, Reply)
Hellooooo!!!

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 18:23, Reply)
Wind

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 15:54, Reply)
Stinky or just noisy?

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 18:23, Reply)
no, like an old-fashioned clock

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 20:53, Reply)
I find your posts about baking and patisserie to be...
pain-ful
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 16:50, Reply)


(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 18:11, Reply)
Tres Bon!

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 18:24, Reply)
Pushing that camel knobber down the board

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 11:01, Reply)
Alright, horbs
What's been happening?
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 11:05, Reply)
Mongy's been ripping it with free booze

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:57, Reply)
nice!

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 13:25, Reply)
HE'S GOING TO CHINESE JAIL YOU FOOL

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:36, Reply)
Fuck you, mr horrible, fuck you

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 11:37, Reply)
ARSEHOLE

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:57, Reply)
Bollocks

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 11:53, Reply)
You just said that

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:58, Reply)
Calling someone a camel knobber is a serious accusation.
Do you have witnesses? Did the camel testify?
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:20, Reply)
The camel was an unreliable witness, because it's got the right hump with the accused

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:22, Reply)
It did

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:59, Reply)
Dromedary or Bactrian?

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:29, Reply)
Yes

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:59, Reply)
One hump or two?

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 13:00, Reply)
RACIST

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 14:42, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 7:31, Reply)
Morning.
I like Peroni. Miserychops down there evidently doesn't. Where does the /chat hivemind stand? #BeerChat
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:18, Reply)
I like Peroni, even the non-alcoholic version

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:19, Reply)
I could have got you 80 bottle's. That was the only code I didn't use. Soon worked out that the number 3 in the code ment alcohol free.

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:30, Reply)
Yeah, recently got the 0.0% for driving-related drinking, it's probably the nicest alcohol-free one

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:40, Reply)

ro
+i
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 10:24, Reply)
*golf clap*

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 11:51, Reply)
*darts herpes*

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:05, Reply)
All lager tastes the same

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:24, Reply)
^ Garnish Fail

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:46, Reply)
Keep my chops out of your mouth

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:28, Reply)
Apologies, I didn't intentionally portmanteau your names.
Maybe mine won't catch on.
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:42, Reply)
If my bill is this I drink the lot
ibb.co/rR3zd75R
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:46, Reply)
Lol, someone got a top. Fucking online orders

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:47, Reply)
I'd struggle to drink a Madri even if it was free,
can't put my finger on what I don't like about it but I just don't.
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:48, Reply)
I was drinking the Guinness. The other 2 were up for grabs. Once I found a Guinness code, you had the code for the others 1 was madri 2 was peroni, 3 0% peroni, 4 Guinness.

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:51, Reply)
guinness is the best
/Irish
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 11:17, Reply)
It tastes grim.

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 10:05, Reply)
going off beer as I get older
peroni is ok as lagers go, not too sweet, not too bitter
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:35, Reply)
A lot of folk seem to do that, no sign of it happening to me though.

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:47, Reply)
I can't drink as much as I used to with this job
which is probably a good thing long term
but it also means when I do drink I'm more particular
(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 9:00, Reply)
Yeah I'm bitter enough already

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 12:08, Reply)
m/o/r/n/i/n/g

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:20, Reply)
Hello

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 8:44, Reply)
𝕂𝕟𝕠𝕓𝕤𝕒𝕔𝕜.

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 1:25, Reply)
Chinese government are after me now. Damn you green king you Chinese government owned twats

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 1:41, Reply)
This is getting more frequent Mark, is everything OK at home?

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 6:49, Reply)
I've now had 200 quids worth of free pints. If any of you drink in a Greene king pub I'll send you pints. Got codes innit. Guinness, madri, peroni. None of my mates or family have bought a pint since Friday

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:07, Reply)
you rascal

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:10, Reply)
They sent me 2 emails. Turns out the codes can be changed.

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:35, Reply)
This is FRAUD

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:19, Reply)
Nope. Just using a code to take money off.

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:34, Reply)
Fraud is pretending they sent you an email. mongy's not even a hacker, he's just thoughtfully applying the tools they've provided.

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:48, Reply)
Nah I was just using codes. Has to be table service to add the voucher. Just sent a peroni to some table

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 20:33, Reply)
peroni? ugh. you monster

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 21:54, Reply)
This is FRAUD

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:50, Reply)
THIS. IS. FRAUDSTER!

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 19:51, Reply)
This is FREUD

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 20:53, Reply)
+ , you motherfucker

(, Tue 26 Aug 2025, 6:50, Reply)
I want nothing to do with your dodgy pyramid scheme

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 22:03, Reply)
This is a journey into sound

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 23:04, Reply)
I will not play this record.
It is cracked!
(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 0:25, Reply)
Tune in drop out

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 0:36, Reply)
Rip your knob off

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 7:07, Reply)
where's your knob at?

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 8:20, Reply)
oh, I was convinced that was going to be King Missile

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 9:36, Reply)
Your nan, obviously.

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 16:42, Reply)
I vividly remember my dad setting up the music centre and mounting the speakers on either side of the wall, then putting A Journey Into Stereo Sound on the turntable and sitting exactly in the middle of the room to experience it.
I was amazed, and said "fuck's sake dad it's 2025, get a soundbar already"
(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 9:08, Reply)
i just use one speaker and shove it up my arse

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 10:05, Reply)
One of these presumably
in.pinterest.com/pin/10766486604883364/
(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:07, Reply)
Fascianting

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:17, Reply)

assinating
(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:34, Reply)
my posts, you mean

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:48, Reply)
lol dyslexia

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:49, Reply)
lol slex

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 12:07, Reply)
I Wanna Slex You Up

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 17:02, Reply)
Slexys Midnight Runners

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 17:35, Reply)
Do we need to bring a packed lunch?

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 10:20, Reply)
are we nearly there yet?

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:09, Reply)
no we haven't eaten our sandwiches yet

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:36, Reply)
I need a wee

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 11:49, Reply)
you should have had one before we left six hours ago

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 12:06, Reply)
He didn't want to go then!
He's not a machine!
(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 14:04, Reply)
smeggy gunts
alt: you heard
(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 15:25, Reply)
bollocks

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 15:28, Reply)
you have said that

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 15:30, Reply)
No, just an ulcerated leg

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 16:47, Reply)
lol anul

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 17:17, Reply)
My dog was in a mini-series about The Satanic Verses and now he's got a fatwa on him, what do?

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 18:01, Reply)
can u recommend a decent film maybe a comedy but anything really
edit: fuck you all
(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 18:07, Reply)
Kung Fu Hustle is definitely the funniest film of all time.

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 19:21, Reply)
HE'S BEEN DOGGED BY CONTROVERSY

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 20:55, Reply)
The Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 19:38, Reply)
THERE'S NOT MUTT HE CAN DO ABOUT IT NOW

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 20:55, Reply)
I've been hearing good things about KPop Demon Hunters

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 19:50, Reply)
My son (5) loves it.

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 19:53, Reply)
IBHDTDYB

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 20:16, Reply)

 
(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 20:58, Reply)
Fucksake you two. >:-(

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 22:54, Reply)
It's hedgy's fault, he acts like stupid kids and i'm very impressionable

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 2:23, Reply)
THEY'RE HOUNDING HIM

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 20:55, Reply)
He shouldn't have insulted the prophet Chihuammed, then

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 8:32, Reply)
young frankenstein

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 20:58, Reply)
Under The Skin
The Disaster Artist
Office Space
(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 21:00, Reply)
The Red Turtle

(, Mon 25 Aug 2025, 8:25, Reply)

alt: you heard doo doo, doo-doo doo-doo!
(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 19:40, Reply)
morning

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 7:27, Reply)
yeah, you?

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 7:30, Reply)
Aye

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 7:31, Reply)
that's my 2 weeks off over then :(

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 8:16, Reply)
you having to come back early to investigate why it's morning, detective?

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 9:56, Reply)
Morning. Might wank off a whale
www.bbc.com/news/articles/cedvp89jy4do
(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 12:53, Reply)
more than you can handle

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 13:04, Reply)
"Although spectacular, this is natural and totally painless for the animals."

(, Sun 24 Aug 2025, 15:29, Reply)

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