Shit on a dog's tits, it's Freeder neet!(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 May 2025, 20:34,
Reply)
Piss on a puffin's pussy- I'm doing warcrimes and shit
(
Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 30 May 2025, 22:14,
Reply)
very competitive field right now(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 22:22,
Reply)
warcrimes generally. actual pelagic seabird-related atrocities remain a very niche market(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 22:59,
Reply)
Puffins are incredibly sociable, if they saw war crimes they will copy to fit in (
mongychops, Fri 30 May 2025, 23:25,
Reply)
they already all dress the same(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Sat 31 May 2025, 1:36,
Reply)
Just two this week.www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y29kplgkeo
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 30 May 2025, 14:43,
Reply)
oh man, I LOVE 'The day we went to Bangor'!!!(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 May 2025, 20:38,
Reply)
busy triple-teaming his tiny pænüs(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:24,
Reply)
3/7 thank you garoldplease consider posting this on thursday next week i get tired of waiting
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:23,
Reply)
3/7 breaking one of your wrists but at least it's not your wanking wrist(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:24,
Reply)
All of my wrists are wanking wrists(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:25,
Reply)
I wish I had half your talent. Actually, I guess I do have half your talent.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:27,
Reply)
3/7 steaming splattery turd all up the back of the panwith little bits of tomato skin in it
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:33,
Reply)
I'd like to express my thanks to hedgy. Those paramol have took the edge off. I've obviously used complementary medicine too. I m bored already of broken wrists and the current mainstream Hollywood movies. What are you bored of? (
mongychops, Fri 30 May 2025, 20:33,
Reply)
Hola bellend'sQueef here, you may remember me from such classic threads of yesteryear as 'WANKSMELL' and 'GUFFCHEESE'.
Those you with unbroken wrists, how's it going today?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 May 2025, 11:18,
Reply)
I don’t remember any of that.But hola anyway.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 30 May 2025, 11:23,
Reply)
Well you missed out big time, that's all I can say.(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 May 2025, 11:25,
Reply)
I'll start another thread just for you on the Secret Elite Board (
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Fri 30 May 2025, 12:20,
Reply)
It's Friday So I'm in a good mood
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 30 May 2025, 11:55,
Reply)
i've just spent 7 hours trying to track garold down, right now i'm considering hiring a private detective, it's very expensivebut i'm worried that if I don't do the friday quiz my mind might deteriorate and i might start to make bad decisions
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 13:28,
Reply)
It's in Sweden, what was i thinking (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 13:47,
Reply)
some people say a canary is a kind of island but it is in fact a bird (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 14:34,
Reply)
some people say no man is an island but the Isle of Man is right there in the Irish Sea(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 30 May 2025, 14:41,
Reply)
some people say they are both a rock and an island, why not say rocky island, it's just pretentiousness(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:17,
Reply)
Calm down, it's about to happen.(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 30 May 2025, 14:42,
Reply)
I AM PERFECTLY CALM, I AM A PERFECTLY CALM PERSON, BEING PERFECTLY CALM (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 16:16,
Reply)
i hurt my thumbit made everything i did today much more painful than pifling broken wrists
(
MiseryCunt, Fri 30 May 2025, 19:48,
Reply)
Sorry to hear about your accidentthat's a tough one.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 30 May 2025, 9:03,
Reply)
Happy Birthday, Larry Silverstein! ๐๐ฅณ๐๐ฆ๐ฅฐ94 today! Wow! OMG! #life
(
$imon $quibb โ
, Fri 30 May 2025, 10:34,
Reply)
if for no other reason than the fact that it's turned green(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 13:35,
Reply)
Just back from hospital, broken both wrists. It's already proving quite the arse ache(
mongychops, Fri 30 May 2025, 3:55,
Reply)
start an aviation club for the follically challenged6 wigs will soon fly by
(
MiseryCunt, Fri 30 May 2025, 5:22,
Reply)
customconesusa.com/pre-roll-machines
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 13:44,
Reply)
How did you manage to get both hands up your arse all the way to the wrist?(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 30 May 2025, 7:51,
Reply)
I am truely sorry for your pain.At least your head dobber evidently still works though.
(, Fri 30 May 2025, 8:09, Reply)
What's the strongest over counter pain killer, hospital said just paracetamol. They are not even touching the pain (
mongychops, Fri 30 May 2025, 8:26,
Reply)
Paramol tablets have paracetamol and dihydrocodeine, low strength of the latter but might be enough to take the edge off.Can't go over the paracetamol dose of 2 tablets 4 times daily though, that way lies liver failure and death.
If you can take ibuprofen, you can take them as well.
(, Fri 30 May 2025, 8:38, Reply)
The maximum strength OTC is 500mg paracetamol and 8mg codeine, which works out at 16mg codeine four times daily.You'd probably get slightly more pain relief with the dihydrocodeine in Paramol, but to be honest there probably isn't much difference.
(, Fri 30 May 2025, 8:46, Reply)
Nope, Solpadeine Max is 12.8 mg of codeine per tab.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 30 May 2025, 10:07,
Reply)
True, I forgot about that one.I haven't been at the coal face since 2019, is my excuse.
Still effectively a borderline sub-therapeutic dose, though. Enough to cause side-effects but not to give meaningful analgesia.
(, Fri 30 May 2025, 10:10, Reply)
This is why I don't bother with otc analgesics(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 11:25,
Reply)
Sorry, I just remembered gonz has all the info you needb3ta.com/talk/7644907
(, Fri 30 May 2025, 10:15, Reply)
6 weeks without a wank?That's tragic
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 30 May 2025, 8:58,
Reply)
Without giving HIMSELF a wankthere's always someone who will help out for a fiver.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 30 May 2025, 9:02,
Reply)
With all the horses?(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 30 May 2025, 10:22,
Reply)
fucking hell mongy sorry mate(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Fri 30 May 2025, 11:25,
Reply)
Poor ex Mrs Queef. :(www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/health-problems/womans-sevenyear-nightmare-after-partner-farted-in-my-face/news-story/549c3518e62f83f62999e6bd635437bb
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 29 May 2025, 15:19,
Reply)
I like how you have to get through 3/4 of the articlebefore they get to the bit which tells you why it would never happen like that.
(, Thu 29 May 2025, 15:29, Reply)
Are you saying this is click bait? How devious the internet has become for advertising revenue (
mongychops, Thu 29 May 2025, 15:40,
Reply)
tl;dr: she got an Escherichia coli infection in her nose.It happened after:
a) she had an operation, and
b) her then-boyfriend farted in her general direction.
Understandably, she's blaming the fart, even though that would be an implausible means of transmission for that infection, rather than the much-more-likely hospital-borne infection on a nasal cannula during her operation.
There are some pictures of her in a bikini, though, so click away if you like.
(, Thu 29 May 2025, 16:27, Reply)
she's lost a lot of weight, must be due to shitnose syndromeWife is working from home today, I'm hearing a developing panic about a university website, all traces of the word 'justice' need to be removed from it immediately.
Alt: fave cat video?
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 16:37,
Reply)
i like the one where the kitten and the duck are friends(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:21,
Reply)
we still have free speech, it's just that now it has a price(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:22,
Reply)
in this scenario, i'm the duckalso i saw your tendon joke, ignore is broken, this has to stop
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:32,
Reply)
More likely: she's a filthy tiktok "influencer" with bad hygieneSold the story to make up for her failed career choice.
(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:05,
Reply)
She nose what she did (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:43,
Reply)
following a link from there... "You look at Ben Hall — the popular theory is that police snuck up on him and shot him in his swag."(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 15:40,
Reply)
Nose nose, nose nose nose nose, nose nose nose nose, nose nose there's guffs in it(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 29 May 2025, 16:51,
Reply)
How are you meant to fit that in your mouth?Christ, she could borrow my trainers.
(, Thu 29 May 2025, 19:11, Reply)
SHE WAS GAGGING FOR IT!You see, it works on two levels, that's why it's so clever and funny.
(, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:24, Reply)
It would have been even better if she was also a comedian, but she's not.(, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:27, Reply)
so you could say... it got right up her nose(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:33,
Reply)
I like Mrs queef, she is the only person who still sends me gifts . Nobody else does :( (
mongychops, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:32,
Reply)
please don't trigger Two Hatshe's still in recovery
(
$imon $quibb โ
, Thu 29 May 2025, 18:25,
Reply)
I think you'll find "Queeves" is the correct plural.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 29 May 2025, 13:24,
Reply)
World cup 2026 will be here before we know it! People will be lining up to enter the US, I'm sure. The other host countries are Canada and Mexico, all friendly neighbors, what could possibly go wrong at the borders, probably just wave them all through eh.
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:04,
Reply)
There's going to be some drama guaranteed eh(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:20,
Reply)
I hope they bring back Diana Ross to kick a goal, it could be the greatest redemption story since Southgate.(, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:21, Reply)
They should get Gazza to sing Fog on the Tyne at the finals (
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:23,
Reply)
I think you mean GUFFWANK, don't you?(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:24,
Reply)
guff don't come easy, it's a game of monkey spank (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:41,
Reply)
Diana ShawshankPrison love, my prison love
I need you, oh, how I need you (prison love, ooh, prison love)
(, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:26, Reply)
-kick a goal +net a soccerin fairness most people around here understand football well enough, they just don't care
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:32,
Reply)
I hate world cups in America's, the time difference means you miss loads of games . All world cups should be in England (
mongychops, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:50,
Reply)
they should at least be where a larger proportion of people are actually bothered, mexico is fine on that score, not so great in other ways(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 14:35,
Reply)
The cricket world cup was fucking rubbish, fucking sleepy Joe fault(
mongychops, Thu 29 May 2025, 14:54,
Reply)
Joe is understandably sensitive about anything that involves long white lines (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 14:55,
Reply)
m8 my shoulder is playing up, I can't be digging any more holes (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 14:49,
Reply)
I just want to say a big thanks to everyone for making this thread so fucking good (
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:21,
Reply)
Hello (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 29 May 2025, 14:38,
Reply)
foreign fellow eh, that's alright(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 11:38,
Reply)
Doo doo do doo do doo(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 29 May 2025, 7:34,
Reply)
ooh eggy, ooh yeah eggy's gonna guff on you(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 29 May 2025, 8:41,
Reply)
Very exciting times here at Garold's workplacethe replacement earpads I ordered for my headset have arrived as the foam was perishing so the old, tattered ones are off and I've got brand new soft foam pads on my ears. Happy Thursday!
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 29 May 2025, 7:49,
Reply)
POST THE FRIDAY QUIZ NOW PLEASE GAROLD I AM BORED(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 11:37,
Reply)
thank you that's exactly my point(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 13:42,
Reply)
I can see this happening as late as friday, un fucking believable(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 14:37,
Reply)
see this is what I thought, it's a typo, or i had the word "tenderloin" wrong all along, but no, it's fucking tendonwhatever they do to it gives it a gel-like "chewy gummy bear" consistency apparently, and it has a mild beefy flavor, i swear the menu was putting me off the food
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 20:15,
Reply)
i was sure i put you on ignore(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Thu 29 May 2025, 17:36,
Reply)
The day went fast (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 28 May 2025, 21:27,
Reply)
That's correct.It is indeed not me who's a stupid prick.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:03,
Reply)
afternoonhope you are having a wonderful Menstrual Hygiene Day.
(
$imon $quibb โ
, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:03,
Reply)
oh man it's one of the best ever!I've been doucheing my flange all day
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:04,
Reply)
If by doucheing you mean 'spraying water into' and by flange you mean 'vagina'More like
(
Two Hats ๐ฉ๐ฉ, Wed 28 May 2025, 18:24,
Reply)
Having quite a bad one tbh.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:36,
Reply)
Just in terms of menstrual hygeineotherwise I'm great.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:37,
Reply)
what's a kippery minge between friends?(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:52,
Reply)
oh no i've been celebrating mental hygiene day by mistake i hope nothing hilarious happens(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 15:48,
Reply)
beatboxing in the nudewww.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cpd42glz3g8o
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:09,
Reply)
I'm not a fan of fancy burgers . I was raised on cheap food (
mongychops, Wed 28 May 2025, 18:00,
Reply)
It flipping isand quite a nice one too. The cat is having a lovely time hunting flies in the garden.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 28 May 2025, 8:11,
Reply)
And a very good morning to you (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 28 May 2025, 9:28,
Reply)
GEOSTORM(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 28 May 2025, 9:58,
Reply)
GET MO SOR(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 28 May 2025, 10:21,
Reply)
Happy Birthday, Carey Mulligan! ๐๐ฅณ๐๐ฆ๐ฅฐ(
$imon $quibb โ
, Wed 28 May 2025, 10:34,
Reply)
As she is married to an AmericanI bet she's having a double cheese Texan burger with bacon and a side of curly fries
(
$imon $quibb โ
, Wed 28 May 2025, 11:04,
Reply)
willies
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 28 May 2025, 11:16,
Reply)
Do we need to invest in another klaxxon, Aardvark?(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 28 May 2025, 11:18,
Reply)
Sorry Dave, someone rubbed me right up the wrong way this morning and I'm in a shitty mood. But I shouldn't take it out on Americans or their wives. I'll edit my previous post appropriately.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 28 May 2025, 11:20,
Reply)
Just so you know, everyone over here is already so personally offended by everything that this wasn't an issue(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 11:36,
Reply)
sounds like you need a double cheese Texan burger with bacon and a side of curly fries(
$imon $quibb โ
, Wed 28 May 2025, 11:53,
Reply)
baconated philly cheesesteak sub with loaded sweet potato fries and a side of crazy queso, you mean(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 12:55,
Reply)
i think they're in california, we don't have them here (
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 13:52,
Reply)
Along the 5 Guys routeTrad burgers but done well
(
Queef Smegwin U r a ๐๐, Wed 28 May 2025, 13:55,
Reply)
In my head, I'm picturing the 5 Guys Route being something like the Silk Roadbut with burgers instead of fabric
(, Wed 28 May 2025, 14:50, Reply)
I don't think either option provides a reliable road surface(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 15:46,
Reply)
when I'm updating windowsWith My Little Ukulele in My Hand
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 12:56,
Reply)
I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street
In case a certain little lady comes by,
Oh me, oh my, I hope the little lady comes by.
I don't know if she'll get away, she doesn't always get away,
But anyhow I know that she'll try,
Oh me, oh my, and when you're famous they let you do anything
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Wed 28 May 2025, 12:58,
Reply)
I clicked "I like this!" because I like this.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 28 May 2025, 16:08,
Reply)
Heeee's gone sloppy, sloppy he's gone(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 27 May 2025, 17:48,
Reply)
His guns live on , have since he died around 100 years ago. Rip (
mongychops, Tue 27 May 2025, 19:10,
Reply)
My name? It's J. R. Shartley.(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 27 May 2025, 22:28,
Reply)
That would be extremely unpleasant (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 27 May 2025, 19:27,
Reply)
It might help her fit in I guess
(
mofaha โ( ห_ห)โ ส
(ฬโกโ)ส, Tue 27 May 2025, 15:11,
Reply)
GUNT TREE ROADS, TAKE ME HOME (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 27 May 2025, 15:41,
Reply)
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