Just left my 'friend's' house
We were discussing music and the conversation went thusly

You know Elton John didn't write any of his songs

Duh, yeah everyone knows Reg Dwight wrote the lyrics

*we are no longer friends
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sun 7 Dec 2025, 19:38, Reply)

Reg Dweft

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 20:18, Reply)

Saturday Night’s Alright for Dying

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 20:29, Reply)

The Bitch Is Dead

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:12, Reply)

Bernie Torpid

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 20:47, Reply)

I won't be going to my friend's house anymore
The surgery wasn't the success we thought it was. They've pulled the plug and given him the last rites. According to his husband, he's got a couple of hours at best. I am now getting very drunk.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 20:52, Reply)

Oh fucking hell, sorry to hear that, Smashy.
My sincerest condolences.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:11, Reply)

Thanks
I'm not thinking well right now
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:21, Reply)

sorry smashy
have an internet hug
( MiseryCunt they call him The Handbag, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:48, Reply)

Thanks
His husband just called, he's gone. I'm turning my phone off now.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:59, Reply)

fuck. :(

( MiseryCunt they call him The Handbag, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 22:12, Reply)

Rip Dwight

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:00, Reply)

I'm Not Standing

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:11, Reply)

Cops had cordoned off the court across from ours when we got back from Asbury Park, I just found out there was a murder there earlier

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 22:06, Reply)

Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a poo!!!!

Not really, he was Somalian
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 13:47, Reply)

President Trump says Somalians are garbage, he's not a racist so i guess it's just the truth

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 14:00, Reply)

- brown
+ smelly

Removes any troublesome hint of Reform or EDL leanings.
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 15:32, Reply)

You're saying that all Somalians are smelly, that's what you're saying

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 15:45, Reply)

He's got a point m8
Don't shoot the messenger and when I mean messenger I of course mean international aid worker in war-torn Mogadishu
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 16:29, Reply)

Gezondheid

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 17:24, Reply)

Martin sub-Parr

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 16:02, Reply)

The Boo Deadlies

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 17:39, Reply)

amzn.eu/d/buvSA10
( mongychops, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 16:20, Reply)

A tale as old as time

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 16:26, Reply)

"perfectly safe for the kids, but with a few snickers that adults with a slightly bent sense of humour can enjoy while reading along"

Oh, I see what 'Munty' was going for now, it was far too subtle without that clue
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 19:06, Reply)

Munt and the gang

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:01, Reply)

Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?
It was due mainly to poor diet, and being improperly hydrated
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 19:37, Reply)

Probably goes hand in hand with the autistic spectrum disorder that so often accompanies mathematical genius.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 7 Dec 2025, 20:22, Reply)

and a pencil up the pooper

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:02, Reply)

Turtle power!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 7 Dec 2025, 21:13, Reply)

morning

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 7:30, Reply)

bore da pawb!

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 9:37, Reply)

Goedemorgen

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 9:41, Reply)

madainn mhath!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 10:21, Reply)

exercise, breakfast+lunch, Caravaggio at the Wallace Collection, roast, guffs, bed
not that anyone arksed
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 10:41, Reply)

lol vag

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 10:46, Reply)

ah yes
full-lipped, languorous boys who seem to solicit the onlooker with their offers of fruit, wine, flowers—and themselves
(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 11:15, Reply)

Fuck yeah

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 11:18, Reply)

I peel mine first

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 11:30, Reply)

www.wikihow.com/Eat-Langoustines
(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 11:52, Reply)

MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY RENAISSANCE PAINTER AND I LOVE IT UP MY BUM-BUM FROM OTHER GAY RENAISSANCE PAINTERS

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 7 Dec 2025, 15:18, Reply)

I know

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 11:11, Reply)

alright De La Soul

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 11:16, Reply)

acceptable Dream Warriors

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 13:01, Reply)

Wash Your Bell in My Sink

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 13:33, Reply)

Push Your Face in My Stink

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 13:41, Reply)

Evening
Going to see Idlewild later, I'm sure everyone else probably thinks they're shit and gay but it should be a good night. You?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 16:38, Reply)

might drink too much wine while watching old sessions of Later with Jools on iPlayer

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 16:41, Reply)

LATE Jools Holland
Just posting this now etc.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 16:57, Reply)

Jools Hellbound

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 20:23, Reply)

Boogie-WOOOOOgie

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 9:02, Reply)

Cools Holland

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 20:32, Reply)

music snobbery? On b3ta? Never.
I also like Idlewild, enjoy the gig
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 17:01, Reply)

Roddy Woomble's grandparents used to play bingo in the venue, apparently.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 17:13, Reply)

does he live in Wiimbledoon?

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 7:38, Reply)

Deady Woomble

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 6 Dec 2025, 17:13, Reply)

Woombling free at last

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 18:08, Reply)

playing bongo

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 20:30, Reply)

I am so gay for Tyler Ballgame right now
Idlewild are shit and I love them/you
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 6 Dec 2025, 17:53, Reply)

Dyler Pallgame

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 18:11, Reply)

I haven't knowingly heard their stuff
But I hope you have a lovely time
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 18:31, Reply)

Drinking, pub, blah-de-blah

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 19:35, Reply)

carol vorderman's magnificent arse

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 6 Dec 2025, 20:04, Reply)

Richard Whiteley's incredible testicles

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 6 Dec 2025, 20:15, Reply)

incresticles

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 22:03, Reply)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 23:11, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8463565
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 0:53, Reply)

Idlewild were fucking great, by the way.
I only really know the Remote Part album and some of their early singles, but the set leaned heavily towards them and the band were clearly enjoying themselves.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 23:38, Reply)

What if you held the world in your arse tonight?
*steams*
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 7 Dec 2025, 13:25, Reply)

morning

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 7:25, Reply)

A bit later morning

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 6 Dec 2025, 7:30, Reply)

even later morning
- wow this is exciting
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 8:04, Reply)

LATER STILL!!!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 10:18, Reply)

It’s earlier now.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 10:47, Reply)

i remember when this was all just then

( MiseryCunt they call him The Handbag, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 11:19, Reply)

BERNARD MANNING

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 6 Dec 2025, 7:39, Reply)

Bernard Personning

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 8:05, Reply)

BUMNARD MANSTEAMING

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 8:28, Reply)

Not this again

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 8:47, Reply)

bot hiss again

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 9:28, Reply)

LET OFF SOME STEAM, BUMMIT!

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 9:57, Reply)

Not this steam bum
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 10:19, Reply)

Bum steam ahead!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 14:41, Reply)

Urgh. Somewhat hungover after staff Christmas party.

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 8:29, Reply)

^

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 8:33, Reply)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 10:12, Reply)

It's snowing
Update: it's no longer snowing
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 12:11, Reply)

They said it would snow, then it didn't snow and then they said it MIGHT snow
Snow is so flakey
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 14:38, Reply)

You melt

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 14:43, Reply)

Icy what you did there.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 14:54, Reply)

morning
Has anyone here ever relocated to somewhere like the UAE?

Or ever relocated ever?

If so any advice? (I know that’s general very general)
(dampdirtynonce The Real Spanishfly, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 7:04, Reply)

The campus is a bit dull but Norwich was alright

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 12:43, Reply)

The Duke's Head is around there
somewhere
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 13:04, Reply)

Fucking students, they'll nick anything

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 14:36, Reply)

it was a beheading joke, perhaps i should have made that clearer

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 14:43, Reply)

Yeah anyway
Anyone got anything exciting planned for the weekend?
( .Yeti., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:00, Reply)

killerkitti is visiting from Denver at the moment, we're going to Asbury Park on Sunday I think
yourself?
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:12, Reply)

I hate The Cult

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:20, Reply)

Why? Did they do another song?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:47, Reply)

/talk, you mean

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 23:38, Reply)

<s>l</s> n
Spanishfly, that is
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 0:05, Reply)

Subjective.

( mongychops, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 23:05, Reply)

work :(

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 23:14, Reply)

you should quit and not worry about it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 23:43, Reply)

Mite do a war crime

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 0:08, Reply)

All the best ones have already been done i reckon

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 0:24, Reply)

Frank Gonery

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 0:13, Reply)

Riddle me this, fellow guntstronaut's
Name someone with a more grating singing voice than Kevin Rowland. You can't say Morrissey
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:10, Reply)

Joanna Newsom?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:17, Reply)

The governor of California?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:19, Reply)

You, I mean

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:25, Reply)

N/N/SHUT THE FUCK UP

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:21, Reply)

Imagine being Kevin Rowland, yeah
and hearing your singing voice and thinking yeah, I should defo be a singer, I'll smash it

and being right
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:18, Reply)

Smeggy smegg yeah?
Home from my work’s Christmas party before things got messy
( Cheers Cheers, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:28, Reply)

So very, very smeggy

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:30, Reply)

Mike Skinner

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:29, Reply)

Worst Labour MP ever

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 21:30, Reply)

No, that was Bruce Wayne

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:48, Reply)

Bruce Wayne is big leggy

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 23:39, Reply)

Tom Waits

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 10:46, Reply)

good shout
Paolo Nutini is another strong contender
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 10:53, Reply)

no

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 14:22, Reply)

Beer on cock
Friday fucklift
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 17:30, Reply)

Jolly good, it's wine time, darling

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 17:36, Reply)

I just had a rather nice port

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:01, Reply)

In a storm
Any
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:09, Reply)

In my tube carriage is a standup comedian I've seen on a couple of panel shows
Pasty faced ginger cunt with super long hair and beard, wearing corduroy lionels. Unfunny prick
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:07, Reply)

You, I mean
obv
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:08, Reply)

Spanishfly you mean?

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:08, Reply)

awks

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:09, Reply)

Someone told me that all gingers 'like' children
Just saying
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:15, Reply)

Anyone know what colour brb's hair is?
I'm just asking questions, don't ban me guy's
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:18, Reply)

Auburn

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:19, Reply)

Strawberry blond

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:45, Reply)

Beach-bleached blond

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:01, Reply)

This cunt
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alasdair_Beckett-King
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:14, Reply)

Precisely

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:16, Reply)

Ah yeah, I've seen him on never steam the bumcocks

( broadsword, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:32, Reply)

lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:55, Reply)

Cunts like that are why English people assume I'm posh,
It's just a normal first name in Scotland but every English Alasdair has a double-barrelled surname and went to Eton.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:54, Reply)

I dunno, I know an Alasdair
Not private school.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 19:03, Reply)

Soz, misread yr post Al

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 19:03, Reply)

You can't call me Al

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 19:26, Reply)

Fucken can, Al

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 19:27, Reply)

Stop being Weird, you two.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:05, Reply)

Weird Al Jourgenson

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:26, Reply)

Ministry of Silly Wanks

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:50, Reply)

I saw a photo the other day of a guy who'd made himself an amazing Halloween costume as Weird Al Jourgenson,
which was exactly what it sounds like.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:30, Reply)

Alas dair and jones

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:39, Reply)

Where Alas's Dair

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:40, Reply)

Also calm down Alasdair he's from Durham
Part of Scotland at some point most likely. I've read The Steel Bonnets by George Mcdonald Fraser m8, and when I say read I mean pretended to have read to humour my father.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:44, Reply)

My faither wis deid afore I wis weaned, ye insensitive sassenach

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:51, Reply)

Jings

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 9:47, Reply)

^ A. Hedge-Hogge

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 22:08, Reply)

Alisdair, Darling!

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 0:07, Reply)

Went to YSJ, educationally sub-prime.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 19:28, Reply)

Mark Simmons?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:43, Reply)

Not for me thanks, I'm driving

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:44, Reply)

The BBC is trailing their Christmas schedule,
they've got one called "Dexter Proctor the 10-year-old doctor". They literally named him bum-fingerer, just wondering if 2can's going to sue for copyright
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 19:23, Reply)

sounds like a viz character

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Sat 6 Dec 2025, 6:01, Reply)

afternoon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:09, Reply)

Yes
Might have a nap till home time
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:35, Reply)

Pro tip: divide salary generated during time spent napping by 40 to reveal your current wink fee

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:45, Reply)

💲➗️(⏰️😴)✖️40🟰⁉️
Now what?
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 15:28, Reply)

it is revealed

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 15:39, Reply)

My Casio RXJ calculator must be broken
I have had it since 1984
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 15:42, Reply)

my knob and bollocks, you mean

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:10, Reply)

Not again
Not complaining
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:17, Reply)

I'm not quite sure that's the equation that was suggested

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 17:11, Reply)

Alright Carol Vorderman
Yes, she is fitter than Rachel Riley
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 17:29, Reply)

Her arse is better than Riley's but overall if you would rather go 3 loads with Vorders over Riley you are fucking insane.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:41, Reply)

3?
I wish
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:45, Reply)

Over a 3-month period
Lol period
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:47, Reply)

LOL
Bloody Hell
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:49, Reply)

4 / 7 Scuffed dome
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clydg58ex4eo
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:48, Reply)

Same/as you

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:54, Reply)

3/7 it's a girl!

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 14:24, Reply)

8/7
Even though there were only 8 questions I correctly pointed out that the B52s are fucking garbage.

So gave myself an extra point.
(dampdirtynonce The Real Spanishfly, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 14:30, Reply)

6/7
Still also a scuffed dome!
Bloody bullshit scoring system, I'm clearly superior, where's my five pounds?
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 14:39, Reply)

4/7 bum/steam

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 14:40, Reply)

The beatnuts are over here touring next year.

( mongychops, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 16:59, Reply)

They are still amazing live
Last time I saw them it was a double header with Jeru tha Damaja. He is a fat, drunken mess these days, v depressing to see
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 17:31, Reply)

Would you say he was... damajed goods?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:02, Reply)

no m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:11, Reply)

B3ta, you mean

( .Yeti., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 20:46, Reply)

Early stages at the moment but this nonce might be on his way to work in Dubai for a few years.
Is b3ta a “thing” over there? I fucking hope not
(dampdirtynonce The Real Spanishfly, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 17:07, Reply)

BERNARD MANNING

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 17:21, Reply)

no real names plz

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:19, Reply)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 2:07, Reply)

morning

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 6:52, Reply)

yes
Morning
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 7:04, Reply)

shut up you stupid prick

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 7:28, Reply)

I would have thought you two would be Brothers in Smegg

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 8:14, Reply)

Why don't you just fuck off

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 8:46, Reply)

Why don't we all just fuck off?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 9:32, Reply)

Because when someone tells you to fuck off, this is where they want you to fuck off to

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 12:31, Reply)

I always thought that was Mumsnet.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 12:56, Reply)

No that's fuck off BACK to mumsnet, it only applies if that's where you came from, it's a fairly technical point but worth knowing

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:37, Reply)

Fraaaadaaaaaayyyyyyy

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 8:55, Reply)

Fucking hell
I just got tickets for b52s, Devo and Lena Lovitch at a gig in the 02 in June but that was a helluva scramble for seats.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 10:17, Reply)

*sucks teeth*
Sounds expensive.
( .Yeti., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 10:22, Reply)

£80 each? I think that's a relative bargain
We're at side quite high up but the O2 isn't bad and we will be able to see the stage without binoculars. We went to see Depeche Mode years ago at the Elizabeth Stadium and it was ridiculous - may as well have been in a pub watching it on a screen.

Had to buy 3 tickets as there were no pairs available but that means we've got a spare one. Happy to resell at face value, but whoever gets it pays for our drinks for the day!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 10:28, Reply)

Yeah, fair do's.
I've been to only a handful of live gigs since Covid ended. I think I've just dropped off the circuit or something.
( .Yeti., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 11:10, Reply)

And seeing this shit makes you…happy?

(dampdirtynonce The Real Spanishfly, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 10:32, Reply)

It does, and knowing that you disapprove makes it even better

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 10:58, Reply)

Fucking pathetic

(dampdirtynonce The Real Spanishfly, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 11:03, Reply)

Pisses me off that the B52s did their final tour and so I went
And now.... fucking arenas ffs. Well at least I saw them in a moderately sized venue.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 11:08, Reply)

I wouldn’t worry. They are fucking garbage

(dampdirtynonce The Real Spanishfly, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:20, Reply)

They're only doing 2 UK dates
and the tickets went like that*

*a very fast thing
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 13:49, Reply)

Did you pay for Devo on your creddly card?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 11:16, Reply)

I sure he didn't hesitate to whip it out.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 5 Dec 2025, 12:47, Reply)

I'm seeing Fabio and Grooverider in a couple of weeks
Then Doc Scott at Metalheadz and 80s electro gods Newcleus in Jan.

Not that you asked, obv
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 12:55, Reply)

Where are the F&G and metalheadz nights being held?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 12:57, Reply)

Not telling you
In case you turn up
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 18:16, Reply)

not replying in case you delete this post as well

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 14:26, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8330859
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 5 Dec 2025, 14:59, Reply)

Steam up the bum, steam it up
While your feet are stumpin'
And the jam is pumpin'
Look ahead, the crowd is dumpin'
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:03, Reply)

Give me steam
And how you bum to make it real
Real as anything you've steamed
Get a life with this steamer's bum
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:06, Reply)

And how you bum to make it real
Real as anything you've steamed
Get a life with this steamer's bum Joanna, gimme steam Joanna gimme steam, Joanna when de morning bums
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:36, Reply)

Nice, a song that I actually know and is good, for a change.

( .Yeti., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 22:02, Reply)

I have no idea what it is.
I know I usually join in with these things, but I must admit this one leaves me largely mystified.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 22:55, Reply)

Peter Gabriel - Steam

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 6:53, Reply)

I wanna be a steambummer

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 7:53, Reply)

It's Darude - Sandstorm

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 5 Dec 2025, 11:57, Reply)

such a perfect day
i'm glad i steamed up your poo
( MiseryCunt they call him The Handbag, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:10, Reply)

You just keep me hamging on

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:16, Reply)

Everybody steam your bum
The Rebel's here and he's street tum
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:27, Reply)

Bum steam back again
Cheek it to steam it let's begin
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:32, Reply)

Ice is back with my steambum invention

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:23, Reply)

Steam bumminer nah give me producer

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:37, Reply)

Steam Warriors - Wash your Bum in my Sink

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:47, Reply)

You never know di gangsta, mi steam dem inna bumhole Well, yeah
You never know di hortical, mi steam dem inna bumhole Well, yeah
You never know Shy FX, mon, big inna bumhole Well, yeah
You never know UK Apache big inna bumhole
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:51, Reply)

^original botter

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:52, Reply)

It's a nice day for a, white wedding... it's a nice day to, STEAM A BUM!!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 5 Dec 2025, 1:11, Reply)

The Steamed Crack of Notre Bum

( MiseryCunt they call him The Handbag, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:51, Reply)

The Fall of the House of Bumsteam

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:18, Reply)

Bum of Steams

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:36, Reply)

Seven Bums for Seven Steamers

( MiseryCunt they call him The Handbag, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:52, Reply)

Steamer? I bumly know ‘er!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:33, Reply)

Dr Steambum (or How I Learned To Steam The Bum)

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:38, Reply)

You can’t steam in here, this is the bum room!

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 21:00, Reply)

Ground control to steam a bum

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:56, Reply)

Don’t you steam me bumby

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:57, Reply)

That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed bums we're having. Mmmm, steamed bums!

afternoon, I mean
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 14:52, Reply)

That's no moon. It's a bumsteamer.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 15:00, Reply)

That's not a bum, THIS is a bum.
*steams*
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 16:34, Reply)

I don't need the gun John. I can bum you!
*steams*
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 16:38, Reply)

"Don't steam, it's vision is based on bum steam"
*steams*
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 16:43, Reply)

But being as this is a 44 inch Manbum, the most powerful manbum in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel steamy?' Well, do ya, punk?"
*steams*
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 16:51, Reply)

I liked the bit in Titanic when the car windows bum steamed up.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 16:54, Reply)

Remember, Sully, when I promised to bum you last? I lied
*steams*
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:03, Reply)

If it steams, we can bum it

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:04, Reply)

You're only supposed to steam the bloody bums off!

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:29, Reply)

All those moments will be lost in time, like bums in rain
Time to steam
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:50, Reply)

I know now why you bum. But it's something I can never do
*steams*
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:52, Reply)

"Jack, I want you to bum me like one of your French girls"
*steams*
( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:22, Reply)

in bum, no one can hear you steam

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 18:33, Reply)

Some of us are nil by mouth, you insensitive prick

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:04, Reply)

Other orifices are also available.

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:21, Reply)

I'm currently out of orifice until further notice

( $$ ✅, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 17:59, Reply)

I can't really ingest food through my ears
And I've had my scan, so now I can eat.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:37, Reply)

I'm surprised no one's mentioned the Steam Machine with all this guff about steam.

( .Yeti., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:06, Reply)

It doesn't sound very bummy, perhaps that's why

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:10, Reply)

That could be a factor.

( .Yeti., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:50, Reply)

"you could think of it almost as if massage parlors were giving out antidepressants that also might explode"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:22, Reply)

Schrödinger's happy ending

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:38, Reply)

What the shuddering, gibbering cock are you flapping on about, man?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 4 Dec 2025, 19:41, Reply)

not me, it's from the Guardian, maybe Chris Morris is writing for them now

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 20:01, Reply)

morning
Alt: something something bum steam?
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 6:38, Reply)

Ha ha, yeah.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 4 Dec 2025, 6:39, Reply)

I've been up for the cricket since 4. It as usual started awfully.

( mongychops, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 6:57, Reply)

You mean it wasn't rained off? That is unfortunate

( Woo Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 14:24, Reply)

Steve came-a-Cropper

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 8:11, Reply)

Donald "Duck" Done

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 10:57, Reply)

Willie "Tombstone" Hall

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 12:09, Reply)

Gone Belushi

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 12:30, Reply)

Dan Necroyd

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 13:43, Reply)

Doneis Hopper

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 13:48, Reply)

anal sauna AM

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 8:54, Reply)

What a wonderful phrase

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 8:56, Reply)

Turtle power!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 9:12, Reply)

-na se
asel mm lol
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 11:50, Reply)

sause?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 12:22, Reply)

oh fuck i'm stupid :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 13:23, Reply)

Primal Bumsteam

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 9:12, Reply)

zero visibility

(Jingles McFuck ho bastard ho 🎅🎄🎁, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 11:03, Reply)

Bum to steamer

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 11:35, Reply)

If you write 'dog food lid' backwards, you get 'dildo of god'.
Makes you think.
( .Yeti., Thu 4 Dec 2025, 10:00, Reply)

Mind - blown
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 10:19, Reply)

Well if this doesn't wake up the sheeple, nothing will.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 10:59, Reply)

I used to work with someone that would always write microsoft with a dollar symbol
he was an insufferable cunt.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 11:07, Reply)

^ used to work with Steve Jobs

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 11:36, Reply)

Lol jobs

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 4 Dec 2025, 12:09, Reply)