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*waves to Sibod who is still here reading everything with a thin veneer of righteous pride that masks the misery and tears inside*
*poogooses*
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:06, archived)
I'm looking for some advice baldmonkey,
it's my uncle's 60th birthday soon and I can't think what to do.
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)
ignore it.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)
email me please.
or leave a comment on the blog.
baldmonkeystuff.blogspot.com/
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)
thank you very much.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:10, archived)
Read a good book.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:10, archived)
turn up and strip for him while singing happy birthday
include nipple tassels
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:26, archived)
if you don't have high-street branded nipple tassels handy, tie some tinsel to some nipple rings
it works just as well
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:29, archived)
Buy him a parachute jump
or a trial flying/glider lesson.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:27, archived)
Take him to the Belfry in Birchington.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:27, archived)
I still can't work out if that's just a bad spelling of Brighton.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:31, archived)
50 internet points to whoever baits him into posting first.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)
Mention his name, that normally brings out the more serial flouncers.
Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod Sibod.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)
ROAHNEAH ROAHNEAH ROAHNEAH ROAHNEAH ROAHNEAH ROAHNEAH ROAHNEAH ROAHNEAH
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:08, archived)
I got a brilliantly ironic private message from him not so long ago.
www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/37452/1238010197/hahahaohgod.jpg

The reason I didn't have a comeback was that I'd gone to bed by then.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:09, archived)
the idea that you'd leave the internet mid argument for any reason is obviously alien to some people

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:11, archived)
It wasn't even an argument.
I'd just said he was an idiot.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:13, archived)
then not waited around for his indignant response?
that seems highly irresponsible
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:14, archived)
Roahneah loses all arguments since posting a photo of his cock stapled to a bit of wood.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:14, archived)
what sort of wood?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:17, archived)
it was oak
the fucking idiot knows this is a BALSA ONLY community.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:18, archived)
I bet it was sanded and everything, I actually feel a little ill

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
worse,
VARNISHED FFS!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
I liked the time when someone linked to his profile with videos of him having a wank on some website.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
Nothing screams 'Attractive Non-Desperate Person' more than filming yourself having a wank and sticking it online
It's so suave.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
I'm not keen on camp men.
Poofs, I don't mind. I just don't like poofs who define their whole life by what they fuck. And flounce about the place like fucking pricks.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:12, archived)
I was thinking "yeah I'm straight but I don't go on about it all the time"
then I realised I probably do talk about it a fair bit.

FANNY.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:15, archived)
So do some of the poofs here.
It's not that that's annoying. It's being all John Inman about it.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:17, archived)
Ooh,
hark at you, going on like that.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:18, archived)
SikRik is a good example of a straight doing the same.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
YES.
YES HE IS.
GOOD POINT.
YES.
THIS.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
I have had sex with 15 fannies today
and I have punched 3 poofs and watched a game of football while farting.

I am manly as fuck.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:23, archived)
for gays I can understand it a bit more though
as they've had to come to terms with liking cock up their dirty whorebums, whereas Rik's sexual preference was already accepted by decent society.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:24, archived)
Yes
but what's not accepted by society is not being able to get a shag off a lady.

You have to go on and on and on about how many shags you've had off how many ladies and how many of them were virgins and cried because you were rough with them and refused to marry them once you'd wiped your cock on their vulva.

or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:26, archived)
Bet you're no good at coordinating colours whilst decorating, either.
You great big unpoof.

You make me sick.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:17, archived)
*looks down at yellow socks and lime green trousers*
no idea what you're talking about.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
Yes Car Credit?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
I shout that at the point of climax.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
Good to know.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:24, archived)
Yes car credit!

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:24, archived)
Filthy hound.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:27, archived)
how else would you know they were gay?

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:16, archived)
I love Moo so much, I'd probably let him.
HE doesn't see the need to prance around like a tit.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:17, archived)
Mcdoof is the least stereotypical gayer I've ever met, and a great bloke to boot.
Then again, he lives in Castleford - a walking stereotype would last maybe five seconds there.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
Like other similar b3tans he will most lokely search for mentions of himself every day

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:08, archived)
And if you say anything remotely negative about him, he sends you a frothing abusive gaz and reports you to the mods.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:10, archived)
I do this.
I'm ashamed but at least I am honest.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:13, archived)
Fibs. You're not ashamed at all.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
You once told me in confidence that you do this.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
I heard Sibod rapes children.

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:08, archived)
Me too. Please ask him to keep the noise down.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
and turn the webcam on

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:24, archived)
Show him your cock
that will cause him to emerge.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:08, archived)
Why did he flounce
I think whoever's responsible should apologise.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)
He's changed his name to "b3ta sucks" now

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:10, archived)
I think you mean "wins_every_time_you_post_about_him"
which is kind of ironic really
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:28, archived)
he'll be back

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)
let's hope not.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:08, archived)
i can't even remember who he is
i recognize the name, that's about it
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:09, archived)
that how we all feel about you as well..

(I helped save b3ta! Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:11, archived)
my quest for internet celebrity has failed then
:(
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:12, archived)
and then some..
even the BGN posse wonder who you are..
(I helped save b3ta! Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:15, archived)
i feel some comfort in knowing that you obviously have a special place for me in your heart
even if no one else does
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:16, archived)
nice comeback
i like your profile by the way. its like a gay version of gilgamesh's one
(I helped save b3ta! Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:18, archived)
it was probably his profile i copied the code from

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
and then decided to make it pink..
classsy..
(I helped save b3ta! Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:26, archived)
BGN was a great bully for a while.
Beautifully vague.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:16, archived)
hehe.
how are you sir?
(I helped save b3ta! Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
i hate internet bullies, they spoil the forum for everybody

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:07, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6083572
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:09, archived)
if only the bullies would just stop
it makes me cry
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:15, archived)
Ah leave him be
He's had his ragefit, now let's get back to the serious business of What Is For Tea
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:08, archived)
YOU JEW. YOU FLOUNCE.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:08, archived)
RIGHT THAT'S IT
I've taken ENOUGH from you bag of cunts, always deriding my heritage. I'm leaving and you can all suck each other's dicks until the website gets shut down, which it should ANY MINUTE NOW because you're all cunts and this is a cunty board. Cunts.

Good enough?
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:10, archived)
Nice one Theo.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
Queer.

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:09, archived)
Inverness

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:10, archived)
CHILI
chilichilichilichili. Nomnomnomnomnom.

I win Dinner.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:10, archived)
OH MAN I might make a chilli now
TOP IDEA CAPTAIN
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:11, archived)
Has it two Ls? I can never remember.
Want to know the best bit?

I don't even have to make it. The wife is. Where do I go for my honorary testicles?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:12, archived)
I have no idea
I know it starts with a 'CH' and has some 'L's in it, but past that I just stab fingers at the keyboard in the hope of making some sense.

Testicles are shat out by the doctor's dog
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:13, archived)
Cheeeeeeeleeee.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:13, archived)
Racist

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
Only in the good way.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
I had chilli on Tuesday
so I beat you.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:12, archived)
Who made it?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:13, archived)
It was my first home made chilli
not spicy enough for my tastes though.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:17, archived)
Well I'm not making mine.
I get to sit on my arse flicking through a book while it's being made.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:18, archived)
*expects mykey to strikethrough this to suggest you're performing a sex act on yourself*

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
Well it IS chilli I'll be waiting for
I'm only human.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:24, archived)
Just don't do it afterwards.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:25, archived)
In our house we use cutlery.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:28, archived)

through a book


Im sorry but i cannot help myself:(
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
I'm having chili
but I made it yesterday, with steak, and let it cook for a couple of hours, and it's going back in the oven for another couple of hours when I get home.

CHILIWIN.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
HARRUMPH.
I cannot beat this. It is normal mince because my tight-arse wife won't let me have steak mince.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:23, archived)
Still
at least he has a tight arse. Presumably all the better for you to peg?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:26, archived)
I have next to no interest in men's bottoms.
yes
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:27, archived)
I hear this is a PERFECT excuse to dump him and go out with slightly chubby people who go by the name of 'gonz' on the internet.
I'm sure I've heard that's a good thing to do, somewhere.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:29, archived)
Thing is, Gonz, I waited for him for 6 years.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:33, archived)
I do hope you were waiting for some exciting reason....
... like you two were childhood sweet hearts, and just before he went off to join the war, he said to you "Sweetcheeks, you're a great gal, a guy like me would be lucky to haves a gals like you on my arm. Wait for me, my darling, I shall be back in a year."

But then he got shot down over enemy territory, and has.... [basicly, story from the film Big Fish].
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:39, archived)
Hey baldmonkey, do you have a podcast?
Why didn't you mention it?
(Glomp Fuck, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:11, archived)
PODCAST
PODCAST
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:15, archived)
I'd assumed you were about 19 year old,
never 32.

Wonders will never cease.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:16, archived)
sORRY
married with a child too
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
This is just wrong.
This internet has been lying to me.

Bending the truth, at the very least.

*bums the truth*
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
I've wandered away from here several times.
I never saw the point of announcing it, however.
(I helped save b3ta! setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:11, archived)
Congratulations on not being an insatiable attention-whore.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:14, archived)
Oh, I love attention.
I just hate scrutiny.
(I helped save b3ta! setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:16, archived)
I have to swim at least 76 lengths today.
and if I swim more, it has to end with a 6 :(
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:15, archived)
What on Earth are you doing?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:15, archived)
Master Of OCD

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
Getting to a round number.
I'm on 324 lengths.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
WHY though?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
So when I come to do interviews for jobs/scholarships in the next few months (after I graduate)
I look and feel good.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
You should dance.
Film it, and send it to me. It would please me.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:25, archived)
Why would that please you?
It seems an odd request.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:28, archived)
young man, dancing because I told him to
there's nothing not pleasing about that.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:29, archived)
I should have gone for a swim, I suppose it's not to late if I fancy it.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:19, archived)
I'm not going until 6.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:20, archived)
I hate going after/before 'working hours', the pool is awash with twats

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:21, archived)
It's still the School Holidays,
going after that is the only way to avoid kids.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:22, archived)
Ahh, that's probably the biggest reason why I go to LA Fitness.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:26, archived)
I think it's a bit sad that people feel the need to out other people to the point they flounce off.
But I think it's sadder that someone flounces off.

We won't get many more Cronks if we keep up this attitude.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:17, archived)
we are awash with cronks

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:18, archived)
Sibod. I hate Gilgamesh too.
I just happen to hate you more.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:18, archived)