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I'm about to throw a temper tantrum
because JMG starts threads and gets loads of replies. AND HE'S A CUNT! A sexy cunt. But a cunt nonetheless.

I'm still a bit tipsy from the night before and ended up having a playfight that turned into a full on fist fight. Boys will be boys. how's your days fuckos? Give any change to the homeless lately? Didn't think so, you heartless bastards.

Love you.

EDIT: Wormulus sucks!
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)
how much have you had?

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)
half a shandy

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

a hand shandy
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
Nothing worst than _half_ a hand shandy.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
It's fine so long as it's the second half.

(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)
so I'm going to a wedding reception this weekend, what's the deal, what am I supposed to do.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)
I went to one recently, I know what to do.
Drink heavily and join in the barn dancing if applicable. Try not to come onto the bride if possible.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)
should I buy them a towel?
should I try and fuck all of the bridesmaids at once?
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)
I think you're confused, you're meant to buy them a trowel.
And as far as I know, it doesn't matter if they're all at once or one at a time.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)
at any point do I have to compose and perform an acapella version of 'sing hosanna'

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)
Assuming the couple are doing it right,
they should have already hired someone to do that.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)
is this what this e-mail is about then?
"Booking Confirmation for Acapella 'Sing Hosanna' performance"
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:38, archived)
Nah, that's probably spam. Delete it.

(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)
done!
Any more advice?
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)
The last wedding I went to had a three tiered pork pie instead of a wedding cake.
If they don't have this, complain bitterly. Preferably with tears. If you can smash the cake with rage, do it.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)
I'm going to hum at the natural frequency of the material used to create the cake stanchions, EXPECT CAKE DEVASTATION

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)
It's the other way 'round.
They'll all be tryin' to shag you.

You've got to pick one without hurting the other's feelings.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)
so I need to mediate sexy times?

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)

also, every wedding has to have a fight. If one isn't happening, start one
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)
I'll start 3

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)
It's best to master the art of
Starting one between 2 other people though. So you can sit back and enjoy the show.
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)
can I give them my practice swords?

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:33, archived)
Give them real swords
It makes it more entertaining
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)
I don't own real swords

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)
Envolve.
In their grill.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)
There will be drumsticks everywhere!

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)
get pissed and start a fight.
If you're family, start a fight with the "opposing" family.
(I helped save b3ta! Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)
I'm not family but I do have fists.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)
...just ask Jeremy Beadle...

(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)
Cancer?

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)
"Sir, can I offer you half a wank
or 8 months of chemotherapy, during which all your hair will fall out, you'll wish you just die and you'll also lose a bollock as the tumour is spreading"
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)
Half a wank please

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)
*walks around for a bit*

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)
*walks after you*
Excuse me, do you know where the toilets are?
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:44, archived)
shandylol

(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
blimey.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
Az loves little boy's willies and bumholes.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
He just walked into a pub and got woozy from the vapours
and loved little boys willies and bumholes.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)
Not a lot really.
Which is embarrasing. But I haven't drank for ages. I think it was the wank I had. It's sending me all fruity.
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)
He saw a picture of a beer in a magazine.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)
He licked a wine gum

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)
Eight cans of kaliber

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)
he had a dream about walking past an off license

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)
Someone described a bottle of wine to him.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)
Someone told him eating bread can get you pissed

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)
He sellotaped a ruler to his forehead

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)
He ate a flambéd crepe

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)
I can confirm all the above to be true.
Apart from the wine gum comment. I'm not allowed them.
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)
Is that in case you get them stuck in your nose?

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:40, archived)
QUICK! EVERYONE!
Change your comment to:

Az loves little boy's willies and bumholes.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)
That shandy really does hit you after a while..

(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)
I wanted all of this afternoon's threads to be about Wormulus

(__, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
i gave a homeless some gin yesterday

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
Fuck off you tedious prick.
..etc.
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
uh oh stitch is grumpy
WE ALL BEST LIE LOW

HAHA LILO AND STITCH
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)
Best one yet.
:D
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)
haha thanks
I'm slowly honing it, I feel it's even better now our pseudonym isn't stitch
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)
Ok.
Sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)
I didn't mean it.
Come on. The pod-bay doors are open... dock with the pappa ship. Come on.

*opens arms*
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)
Speaking of ships.
There was a clue in the paper a bit back on a crossword that was something like "Where you would find the star ship enterprise" or something like that. And my friends thick fucking girlfriends couldn't get it. She said "The letters I've got so far are 'S, space, A, C, space"

You know when you're so shocked, you can't actualy give an answer? Yeah.
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)
best hug description ever.
although I am now imagining you as a fat old american, so you know/
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:38, archived)
I hear you. I drove home on Sunday when I really shouldn't have.
NOW REPLY TO ME, THRONGS!
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)
I bet you could drive a car 300miles without any petrol in the car from the off set.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)
I probably run said vehicle on bio-bald fuel or something along those lines.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)
BEEP BEEP DOLE
www.b3ta.com/board/9537922
(__, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)
THAT'S ME. EVERY DAY.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)
You punch your fist in the air and the kenetic energy generated makes it go forward.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)
I might break open the wine.
Why not, sure.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)
I went into a builder's merchants to by some meths and he wouldn't sell it to me!
He said I was going to drink it! I did look a bit trampy but I gave him an earful and told him how important I am and he was soon apologising.

He gave me a bottle of meths and I said back "Aaahh, I don't suppose you've got a cold one have you?"
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

meths poppers
cold hard
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)
Oh, not that old chestnut.
My mind is still fuzzy, Mr. Gums. It's the wine and beer from last night what done it.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)
Someone needed to do something cool...
It wasn't me, but someone needed to do it...
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:36, archived)
If I were homeless I'd live in a forest using survival skills picked up from Ray Mears TV shows

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)
I'd just mull around at night, screaming and eat slugs from people's gardens, like some sort of sexual man-fox

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)

'd
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)
You'd watch me with your binoculars from your bedroom window

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)
Your noonie would leave a smudge on the radiator

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)
I'd set up a telescope, binoculars need both hands.

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)
I'll sellotape some cool magazines to my back too. Make me look even more special for your far away frigoff

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)
this is you
Donald Cox, Sweaty Fox
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)
GIN, GIN, GIN!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)
YAY!
aaaaaw gggaaawd me wife's gunna kill me! *paws over eyes*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:27, archived)
That's Sandy the gorgeous sandy coloured labrador, silly Donkey.
WOOFBARK
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)
Oh yeah, man it's been ages since I seen shooting stars
I was watching The Smell Of Reeves & Mortimer the other day. Nicole papa! *parples a bike over*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:30, archived)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papa_&_Nicole
Supposedly the "Papa, Nicole" idea was taken from an adult movie that the creative team had watched before having the idea for the advert. Two characters in the film are fornicating and on climax the female character says "Papa" to the reply of "Nicole".

I like this very much.

More adverts should have pornographic origins.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)
This is you in the bath,
this is.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:32, archived)
PUGS!

(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:39, archived)
I want a little pug called 'Mr. Bongo' so bad right now :'(

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:45, archived)

Sandy Glen Mitchell
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:33, archived)

Glen Greg

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDVbBr1glBY

Got there in the end.
(I helped save b3ta! The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)
*High fives*
It was worth it in the end.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)