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Looked like Richard was having a...

(

christhebarker, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:21, archived)

does anyone have

the URL of the original 'no hands' kitten pic? It's for the b3ta kit.

I tried searching ratemykitten.com, but it was to no avail.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:20, archived)

it's ok

I found him doing the jazz hands

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:22, archived)

For anyone who still wants to know it's

www.ratemykitten.com/?kitten=3148

(Indole Ring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:25, archived)

it's

here

(

Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:25, archived)

I have

a photoshop file of nohands if that helps

(Pickled_Herring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:27, archived)

If you have it hosted somewhere

I can add a link.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:30, archived)

it's not

hosted at tha moment, I'm in the process of trying to get a new ISP.

(Pickled_Herring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:34, archived)

that would help

as my tendons are buggered from my kak handed cut out n paste jobs

(

littlebean, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:36, archived)

I have

put a zipped nohands photoshop file here
www.ukdragon.com/b3ta/nohands.zip
for now.

(Pickled_Herring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:42, archived)

New picture of our friend Koit...

Here

members.tripod.co.uk/dothejazzhands

(Rockbus, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:18, archived)

bunch

of freaks.

(MonkeyMan in Mourning, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:20, archived)

you can kill that irritating advert

by putting <xml> after the </html> tag

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:20, archived)

those adverts

fuck me off more than anything else I can think of at the moment. I'm not thinking very hard because I'm so annoyed but all the same, they are bloody annoying

(

adverse_camber, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:28, archived)

those lycos ones

are the worse yet

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:30, archived)

REPOST Bwahahaha!!!!

So that, and did this a while ago

"Click ME!!!"

/coat

(Lethe In A Box, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:52, archived)

Dream Job up for grabs

Seeing as so many of us are suffering of B3ta-related employment woes, I thought it might be a good idea to start a job support group.

How's this for a start?

The Home Office is looking for a writer for their propaganda department. They ask:
‘Could you write articles for both national papers and magazines in the fight against terrorism and crime?’
It then goes on to explain that ‘you will be handling sensitive issues about people's rights and responsibilities - sometimes to unsympathetic readers’ and that ‘it's a tough challenge but one of the most rewarding jobs around with a huge audience at your fingertips.’

You can apply here:
guardiantools-d-aspen.workthing.com/vacancy/48/96048.xml

Good luck, jobseekers!

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:14, archived)

Manic

Did you post the link to the cheapflights.com picture compo a few of weeks ago?

(

Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:32, archived)

are you actually suggesting

that the Home Office is a client?

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:35, archived)

no no

I think Slim wants to thanks you! :)

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:39, archived)

yeah

Manic, I won a flight to Barcelona yesterday from that compo. Just wanted to say thanks for putting the link here.

(

Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:48, archived)

Good man - congratulations

But I don't think we can expect to see another of its like soon. It appears to have closed early. With more support and more traffic, it no doubt would have gone the full 8 weeks.
Of course, it didn't get that support from B3ta, despite being perfect for its readers.
It was corporate, you see - and corporations are eeeeeeevil. Eeeeevil, I tells ya!
;o)

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:55, archived)

And if I remember right,

you took a bit of stick for posting it here! Gift horse, etc.
Anyroad, thanks again.

(

Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:05, archived)

You're welcome

good to see some good came of it

(att: mods - look! slim was in on it too! slim was in on it too!)

;o)

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:09, archived)

ho ho ho

It's a conspiracy I tell you :)

(

chthonic, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:19, archived)

shhhh

Will £10 do?

(

Slim has found god. He was down the back of the sofa., Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:23, archived)

what - did he win?

If so, grreat.
I can say this now, because the competition looks to be closed and I can't be accused of spamming.
That there competition was a *gift* to B3tans. In the week that I won, there was only one photoshop - mine.

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:52, archived)

Job Opening.....

General Office Manager Required by small noomedia company based in uxbridge.
all the gubbins (photoshop and broadband inc.)
any takers?

(

Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:34, archived)

What does an office manager do?

(Amerella, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:46, archived)

imagine if you will....

someone who manages our office,
this may or may not include....
receptionist, account handling, production, creative input, and many more things (a proactive approach is always welcome!)

(

Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:00, archived)

hmmm, a proactive approach?

will I be judged on efficacy?

(

Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:01, archived)

no,

it just means you may have to find things to do on your own!

(

Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:11, archived)

me me me

I'll do it I'll do it!! What's the money like? I can get to Uxbridge! I can do reception and creative input - I have tons of office experience! I've done accounts and everything! I can do that!

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:15, archived)

if you're serious about it...

drop me an email...

nick at bigpink dot co dot uk

and i'll try and fill you in a bit better

(

Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:23, archived)

and where

the hell is uxbridge?

(

popt_art, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:03, archived)

west london (near heathrow)

end of the metropolitan & picadilly lines.

(

Beardo, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:09, archived)

Tis an evil place

just inside the M25 towards the north west.

(Amerella, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 10:15, archived)

In history today

We look at one of the less well known moments in history

'Custer's Last Ice-Cream Stand."

(

Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:14, archived)

waaaayyy

for early morning punnage.

(

Dr Drink, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:18, archived)

woo!

lovely

(

bean, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:22, archived)

Derek the Camel

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:13, archived)

Can't believe nobody's yaarr'd this yet...

www.thesun.co.uk/picture/0,,2002460978,00.gif

Helpless and photoshopless at work...

(

boogs, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:12, archived)

Rod Stewart's girlfriend/wife/piece

was on Johnny Vaughan's show last night and mentioned photoshop.

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:14, archived)

Did he go Woo and Yay?

in what context?

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:17, archived)

they were showing her pictures

of people in their underwear.
they then gave her a picture of someone who was naked with a big black blob over his goolies.

she said:
"that's obviously been photoshopped."

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:22, archived)

it's very hard to tell though

unless less there is a shark in the picture in which case it must be real

(

aubergene, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:25, archived)

penny thingummy?

i've met her. at my grandad's (& possibly my nan's) funeral.

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:22, archived)

*clang*

name drop
/runs

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:23, archived)

yeah

my grandad was well famous.

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:27, archived)

was he

stalin?

(

stouffer, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:32, archived)

Shiver mi timbers!!!

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:15, archived)

Does anyone know the url

for koits b3ta cds adverts?

(Rockbus, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:10, archived)

Morning all.

I got a very entertaining spam this morning offering some medicine or other, that as well as letting me lose weight without excercise, also promised

Body Fat Loss -- 82% improvement
Wrinkle Reduction -- 61% improvement
Energy Level -- 84% improvement
Muscle Strength -- 88% improvement
Sexual Potency -- 75% improvement
Emotional Stability -- 67% improvement
Memory -- 62% improvement

And it has a full money back guarantee if I'm not satisfied.

I love the stupid figures, but how would I know if I was the full 67% more emotionally stable, and not just 65% or 66%?

(

Craymen, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:09, archived)

I thought it said "Winkle reduction" for a second

it's usually the other way around on the web isn't it?
If I had taken up all the offers on penis extension my penis would be 6 miles long by now rather than just 4 miles..

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:10, archived)

note no hummus improvement percentage? Can't be real then.

(

Mr. Sheep Fat Squelchy Goodness, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:36, archived)

he's such a liar!

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:03, archived)

who?

the red cross man?
edit: oh now i see it!

(\/\/iLL, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:06, archived)

That's wrong

I invented spoons.

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:06, archived)

And I'm

confused by them.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:07, archived)

we all are..

you're not alone

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:07, archived)

............................

spooooooooooooooooooooooooon etc.

(

six50, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:10, archived)

lunatic!

i love it!

(

the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:20, archived)

That's cos he's a tory

cunt

(

koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:06, archived)

with all these speech bubbles

you're asking for a mini-bandwagon...

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:07, archived)

yeah

it's a good job only a few people know how they work, otherwise my server will die :(

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:08, archived)

Is it more complicated than it looks?

after all, the address of the asp is in the image properties.

(

Craymen, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:11, archived)

yeah, you'd think people would

notice

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:14, archived)

see below

it's more fun that way.

besides, i am an idiot.

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:16, archived)

i'd have been old fashioned

printed out the photo, rubbed out the words with a rubber, got out my fancy new pens and written a new joke, photocopied it so the picture was back-to-front and pressed it against my computer screen til it got sucked in.

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:15, archived)

hahaha!

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:21, archived)

Your

server is already dead to me - you hosting on the wrong end of a DSL connection? (me guesses 'coz of the dyndns addy).

(

bob dinosaur, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:15, archived)

it's not the ADSL that's the problem

it's win2k pro, with it's crappy maximum 10 connections...

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:18, archived)

Does

that apply to web-server connections too?

(

bob dinosaur, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:33, archived)

yes :(

and I'm too scared to tinker with the IIS metabase, I'll upgrade to server soon anyway

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:37, archived)

A future moment in history

(Redbull_(UK) pfffft, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:55, archived)

I heard Yasser Arafat supported the England side

He asked Terry Venables (then the England manager) for a football kit. Venables offered the Alan Shearer kit.
"No." said Yasser.
"I want the Gaza Strip."

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:57, archived)

heeheehee

*thud*

(MonkeyMan in Mourning, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:57, archived)

damn

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:59, archived)

heh heh

;)

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:00, archived)

No he wanted an Everton on (The Gazza Strip)

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:58, archived)

Which team's Asenal, then?

Sorry, Mr Pedantic in the house :)

(

chthonic, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:58, archived)

trust me

to mis-fucking-type the most word most relevant to the gag.

(Redbull_(UK) pfffft, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:59, archived)

No I didn't, it's not a pun if you use the original name.

What would your English teacher say!!!

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:01, archived)

My English teacher would have said

"I know it's wrong but it feels so right!".

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:02, archived)

Way your English teacher

Roy Walker?

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:04, archived)

oooh good comeback

:)
I saw Roy Walker in panto in Rhyl once
/end of boring post

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:05, archived)

WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER!!!

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:04, archived)

wait

until i release my memoirs. it'll all be in there..

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:07, archived)

Mistyping

key words is almost endemic on the net. It's almost as if evil forces lurk in keyboards just willing you to fuck up.

(

chthonic, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:07, archived)

And what's this one dad?

That one? That's the oldest one in the book son.

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:55, archived)

hahaha!

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:03, archived)

(

Samsonite, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:05, archived)

OMG! how embarrasing

(dookie, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:54, archived)

wazaaaaaaa!!!!

that is fantabulodocious! excellent.
oh, yeah.... good morning everybody

(Funereal, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:58, archived)

ahahahahaaaa

i like it!

(\/\/iLL, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:04, archived)

v'ry

good

(

bean, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:26, archived)

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:42, archived)

all aboard

i won a load of money on a swedish football bet last night, so here's my pound.

[edit] if anyone's interested djürgården 2-1 hammarby in the stockholm derby and AIK 1-0 away at orebro. as a double. thankyouverymuch.

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:52, archived)

Derek

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:55, archived)

anything you like,he can't hear you!

hang on, that can't be right...

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:58, archived)

NO that a diaretic potato innit?

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:01, archived)

but surely that's the punchline to:

"what do you get if you cross a parrot with a crocodile?"

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:06, archived)

Humprey

Oh my God I'm turning into my Dad, such a shit joke, and I was so pleased to know the punchline

(

Pootle, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:58, archived)

Do you know a lot about Swedish football

or was that a complete fluke?

(SnoopySnoopyDoggDogg, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:59, archived)

bit of insider trading

i have to admit. admittedly i had to cover the hammarby result, but even so...

(

new_matt, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:05, archived)

No I did really do this!!!

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:35, archived)

Happiness

last year some time?

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:39, archived)

uh?

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:43, archived)

How did you get yourself on film?

morning all

(

PeterSeychelles, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:47, archived)

Easy I had plastic surgery to look like Mo Mowlam!!

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:56, archived)

that was a running joke was on the TV show Happiness

last year

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:18, archived)

Maybe

You subconsciously want to be a priest?

(

VeryGnawty, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:02, archived)

Well that's ironic as most the homeless can't afford dog collars!!!!

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:05, archived)

Dunno.

I've seen a few round here with mobiles.

(

VeryGnawty, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 9:09, archived)

Evening

All!

(

Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:26, archived)

Chorlton and the Wheelies......

(

M@rkoni, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:25, archived)

you are going straight to hell (via basildon)

made me laugh though.

(Pickled_Herring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:31, archived)

I think just

stopping off in Basildon is punishment enough.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:33, archived)

with all those addidas and kappa clad slappers about, very true indeed.

Do you think there is anywhere else in the country worse than Basildon?

(Pickled_Herring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:36, archived)

Brentwood

which shares the same county as Basildon.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:38, archived)

Brentwood is not too bad, Romford is worse.

(Pickled_Herring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:44, archived)

I went to the Romford dogs

a few months ago. Absolutely class, I ended the night 50p up :)
Had salmonella ridden chicken and chips there! :)

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:46, archived)

I ended up with food poisioning from the chicken and chips at Wimbledon dogs. I would have been happy if £20 I was up was not lost by my other half.

(Pickled_Herring, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:50, archived)

Eseeeeeeeeeeeex!

I love the A12 (in Essex), always a new burnt out car to see.

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:45, archived)

They may

look like slags, but none of em shag - its really quite depressing (I just bought a flat in Romford)

(

Lando, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:54, archived)

You should try Barnsley

they look very similar (cheaper clothes), but they wear even less in the winter, and the lads are much more up for a fight, for no apparent reason.

(

Pootle, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:59, archived)

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:14, archived)

I think I missed

the link to do these.
wher eis it?

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:16, archived)

right-click

properties!
so far I've got plasticow, basil fawlty, the copper, steve irwin, the beggar & the roadsign

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:18, archived)

How splendid.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:23, archived)

*lightbulb*

must get hold of a pic of jeffrey archer, and tie this in with my database of lies!

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:25, archived)

i like

the last one best =)

(

evil pixie, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:18, archived)

Definately.

At 50p a go, Lunacy.

(SnoopySnoopyDoggDogg, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:29, archived)

can i borrow these for a second?

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:19, archived)

If you think

you're going to being interviewing her when E-lebrities kicks off, you will be sadly dissapointed.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:24, archived)

What? What?

What did I do? :o(

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:27, archived)

Its turning into

an obsession with you pervert and I don't want you to ask pervert unsuitable questions.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:29, archived)

I wouldn't! honest I wouldn't!

And it's not pervy, it's love. And she loves me!

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:30, archived)

My case,

I feel, has just been rested.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:31, archived)

ok ill stop acting like a stalker

and more like an "admirer" :-)

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:38, archived)

Good,

becasue she's mine, MINE, MINE,

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:40, archived)

We'll see

We'll see...

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:52, archived)

/runs

(

bob dinosaur, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:34, archived)

grrr!

*shakes fist*

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:40, archived)

Someone

had to do it ;-)

(

bob dinosaur, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:49, archived)

I know...

I was asking for it!

(

munkt0n, Tue 8 Oct 2002, 8:55, archived)

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