he who smelt it...
Title:
Fart pushes Speaker to suspend debate
Description:
"One of us has polluted the air and I know who it is," a disgusted member of a Kenyan regional assembly declared.
(, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 22:08, Share, Reply)
Some useful rules to help identify the perpetrator
werbach.com/stuff/smelt.html
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simbosan liked your link on, Sat 10 Aug 2019, 20:41,
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Rochester Cathedral's Crazy Golf Course sparks row.
Title:
Cathedral crazy golf course is 'fairway to heaven'
Description:
Rochester Cathedral's nine-hole course aims to help "build bridges" but is dubbed "a mistake" by critics.
(, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 22:03, Share, Reply)
You don't want to trick them like that, you want to trick them the old fashioned way
(, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 22:32, Share, Reply)
I'm sensing a theme here
York Minster Rollercoaster condemned...
St Paul's Wall of Death "ill-advised"...
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evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Sat 10 Aug 2019, 8:40,
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The height restriction means that altar boys cant use it.
and therefore their cassocks won't ride up and expose their pants.
That's the real reason for them rethinking this.
(, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 20:07, Share, Reply)
Definitely a mistake.
They should have installed the dodgems instead.
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Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 20:09,
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Had second thoughts, not funny enough.
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Fri 9 Aug 2019, 21:07,
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They believe in sky fairies love, would you rather they focussed on law and order?
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Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 22:36,
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Oh fuck no.
I'm happier with crazy golf.
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 10 Aug 2019, 2:29,
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Charles Manson would approve.
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Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 22:32,
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what's the one above "Very Reverend"?
Fucking Reverend?
Really Very Reverend?
Totes Revs?
(, Mon 12 Aug 2019, 11:48, Share, Reply)
First up, if you can't find love in your heart for this,
I don't believe you when you tell me you should have it for your fellow man.
And secondly, it's a C-of-E cathedral, so Episcopal party-poopers can just fack off. There, that's told 'em.
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joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Mon 12 Aug 2019, 16:39,
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Indie Game Review: Just Another Memory
I made this!
Japanese! Boss rush! Crashes! Faraway voices! Drunk!
(
dogbomb, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 18:01,
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mini world cup game
very addictive
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mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 17:46,
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Haha
That was great. Laughing out loud now everyone in the crew room is playing it.
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antmulder Flick your icefloss, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 22:50,
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This deserves more attention
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wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Mon 12 Aug 2019, 21:47,
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Addictive indeed
Although with practice it is possible to score screamers that knock the opposition player into the back of the net as well as the ball, the safest thing to do at kick off is nothing at all....
You start off blocking most of your own goal, and once you have let the ball go goalside of your sprite it is rather tricky to get back without scoring an og. It never stops being hilarious watching the CPU fly forward and miss the ball completely to end up wrapping the player around your crossbar, only to panic and then knock the ball into its own goal when trying to hurridly get back.
As a 2 player game this would be awesome
(, Tue 13 Aug 2019, 21:56, Share, Reply)
Pooing Off A Boat: A Poem
I made this!
Hello. I used to be on here a lot writing stupid poems and stuff, but now I am elderly and time-poor and don't really do such things. But I wrote a poem the other day, about hanging your bum off the side of a boat and pooing into the sea, and I had a huge amount of important work to do so thought it was imperative I make it into an HTML5* experience. Contains the word "shit" but is otherwise SFW.
*This might not actually be an HTML5 experience. It's a free template and some stock images and a rude poem about dumping.
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mikeisbrill, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 14:40,
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It might be poetic but you ruined the world's oceans for everyone
Our flat planet is now brown.
On behalf of the Flat Earth Homeopathic Association
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Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 17:05,
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I can imagine the meetings.
First everyone gets lost on the way, then the meeting is an empty room that remembers people were once in it.
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Fri 9 Aug 2019, 20:27,
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I have also defecated from a boat!
I was on a tiny yacht with no loo and the way to poo was to grab hold of a rope and get towed along behind. This combined great fun with a sense of great relief, very convenient 'whole body flush' system.
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simbosan liked your link on, Sun 11 Aug 2019, 3:33,
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VOLE.wtf - malevole.com reborn
I made this!
Only took me 15 years to get round to properly revamping it and converting some stuff (like Programming Language Inventor or Serial Killer?) from Flash to HTML. Lots more on the way, including the internet's no.1 crisp sandwich stock photo library.
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malevole, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 14:31,
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This guy is a supposed 'nano-impressionist'...
which wasn't anywhere near as techy as I was expecting (impressions of buckyballs and graphene for example), but still very good. It's not just the voices, but the mannerisms too - I swear he even manages to look like some of them facially, I don't know what you guys think...
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guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 9:15,
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Didn't even catch the last one
As the John C. Reilly one was just *AWESOME*
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joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 14:57,
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He's very good.
But telling you who he's impersonating just before the impersonation is a load of fucking guff.
(, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 17:40, Share, Reply)
nonsense
He's using the text cards as setups and then uses the impression as the punchline.
You're confusing a classic complaint about impressions "Hi I'm Trevor McDonald" with a hard rule.
(
rob, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 20:14,
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i'd invite him to my party!
for 5 minutes
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Turboesprit Volume knob, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 18:58,
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Centuries of Sound - 1916
I made this!
I make a mix of music for every year - here is 1916!
Reckon this is a big year, half of the mix is so close to jazz you can taste it, and it builds up towards the end, so if you check out nothing else (don't advise this) please take note of last 5 mins or so.
Meanwhile I am utterly shattered from my work which is much much more intense in the summer, so not sure how I managed to get this one together but wow do I need some sleep, may be a slightly feverish tone to the blog post for this reason, have not been able to find time to go on internet either so hi!
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Zuowan, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 8:07,
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Long car journey tomorrow
wonder how the mrs is going to like this!
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The Ann Coulter Fan Club Babylon is burning at, Sat 10 Aug 2019, 23:04,
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I've been thinking about dipping my cock in boiling water
Title:
Warnings after 'vagina steaming' burns woman
Description:
Gynaecologists are sharing the story as a cautionary tale about the alternative therapy trend.
(
Fadgebadger (1 like), Thu 8 Aug 2019, 21:57,
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At this point it's fair to say that if Gwyneth Paltrow recommends it, it's probably life-threatening.
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evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 22:04,
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Coldplay. Not even once.
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Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 22:38,
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I prefer it rotisseried rather than steamed
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 23:23,
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Steaming a prolapse like some novelty haggis.
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 8 Aug 2019, 23:43,
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How is this not on the popular page? You're wasted here friend.
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mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 12:35,
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I frequently am.
{:-)
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 10 Aug 2019, 21:28,
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“Hey boy, what’s the idea jackin’ that pot up under me? Jack? Pot? Ahuh, huh … jack pot, that’s a joke son, don’t ya get it?”
(, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 23:47, Share, Reply)
She's 62
so I don't suppose she has any need for her fanny anymore anyway.
(, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 8:02, Share, Reply)
Home automation research
I made this!
I'm doing a training thing at work in the vain hope of a promotion or something - and part of that training is collecting information about what people think of home automation.
It's not funny, and it's not cool, but I'd be really grateful if anyone went and answered these questions. It's all anonymous, so I won't be able to track you down and steal your stuff.
Help me b3ta, you're my only hope.
EDIT: I've got more responses now than my free Surveymonkey account will give me access to! Thanks
Title:
Home automation survey
Description:
Take this survey powered by surveymonkey.com. Create your own surveys for free.
(
Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 11:42,
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I filled half of it in
as it said you were interested in responses even if I don't do home automation, then proceeded to ask many questions about the protocols used.
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evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 12:30,
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Fair enough, thanks for trying it at least.
There are "don't know" options for questions that you can't answer, though.
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Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 13:26,
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but I do know
that I have no home automation devices ;)
And I'm totally confident that the zero automation devices in my home work perfectly.
But to be fair, I can't see it asking for my opinions if I don't use home automation, so checked out halfway through not to skew your results in a horribly pedantic way.
(, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 14:27, Share, Reply)
Done, with love
But don't make a habit of it.
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GillianT's_Pet_Trombone, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 12:31,
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I won't, don't worry!
I'm scared of what you lot will do to my results! But I want as broad a sample as I can get.
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Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 13:24,
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Done.
You may have to add an "I'm not a robot" question just to make sure no Roomba hoovers try to manipulate the results
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Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 12:36,
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the options are too limited
e.g. "What level of evidence do you think is acceptable as proof that home automation products use the communication protocols correctly?" = agency agreed on, administered and enforced by democratic global organization imo.
(, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 12:49, Share, Reply)
Hmm.
It's my first attempt at this sort of thing, so thanks for the advice. I can't really change it now, or I'll skew the results.
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Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 13:23,
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I like my results skewed with garlic sauce
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 13:29,
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Home Automation is a foolish endeavour
I have no desire to be able to change the colour of my living room lighting from my phone, nor to have my central heating turned off by some bored internet shut-in from his parent’s basement in Utah.
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wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 12:49,
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Totally agree, mostly just another distracting toy/data collection device.
I doubt people need more reasons not to move about, as well.
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 8 Aug 2019, 20:23,
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I want a machine I can throw my dirty clothes in and they come out ironed and on hangers
Everything else is bullshit. I don't care about telling siri to dim the lights, it's not a hassle to turn on a light switch. It's 2019, they invented the automatic washing machine a century ago, and since then, nothing. They talk about going to mars but they can't even design a machine that will wash, dry, and iron and hang in one. Scientists need a good talking to, get their priorities sorted out.
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 13:36,
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I like this
almost as much as a sodding Roomba that can deal with a normal house. One with stairs an that, and has pie dust on furniture and in cupboards.
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GillianT's_Pet_Trombone, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 15:41,
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Bollocks. It's someone trying to sell themselves as a security specialist and seeing if there's a market for it.
Well, the sort of wankers that want to set the pantone value of their toast from their iPhone are obviously easily separated from their undeserved wealth, so I say go for it.
Personally I love my remote control lights and sockets, especially at Christmas, but hooking all that up to the internet? Fack off.
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joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 15:45,
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No, it isn't, it's me -
Long term b3tard and safety engineer.
What I'm looking for is whether the home automation take up is being complicated by the proliferation of protocols, and how punters' ignorance fits into that.
We've got some hypotheses, but telling you - the test subjects - what they are is bad practice.
Personally, I have no home automation stuff at all. I have any voice activated features on my essential kit very securely turned off.
Cause I've got no skin in the game, I've got to rely on research.
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Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 17:56,
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Fair dos. Not sure I was getting that from the questions though....
Seems to me 'home automation' right now is driven by tossers obsessions with doing anything and everything with phone apps rather than any practical applications.
Bit like the way LEGO have gone lately with everything needing a compliant phone when all you want to do is sticking some fucking bricks together.
/shoulder
/chip.
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joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 15:10,
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When your home automation consists of a couple of old X10 switches...
...I don't think I'm the target audience for this survey.
I feel so old.
(
I F Hobo then {steal bindle}, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 16:32,
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Definitely not for me, nevertheless
Q2 I'd need a don't know/care box.
Q3 No devices.
Q7 No experience.
Not sure that helps really.
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Thu 8 Aug 2019, 20:33,
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For a minute I was excited to have ended up of the front page
- but then I saw that it only took 3 votes.
"My name is b3ta, Site of Sites! Look on my works ye Mighty, and despair!"
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Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 6:32,
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I can beat that, I got on the popular page with two votes :)
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quackpipe swings like a pendulum do, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 9:48,
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Two normally does it these days
Desperate times or people just not bothering to up vote etc?
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spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 15:45,
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I've got loads of people on ignore so there's that.
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quackpipe swings like a pendulum do, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 15:56,
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That was brillo
Nice to see something properly original these days
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Really?, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 9:03,
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Very good, but it is no...
Three men in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no matches.
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I F Hobo then {steal bindle}, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 17:06,
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Dr Who World. Soon to be available as a kit for £399.95
I made this!
I'm informed by the experts, it's Tennant outside and Davidson inside. Not sure if that is possible or some sort of time paradox?
(, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 15:57, Share, Reply)
That's well cool
Well done but is that how much Lego is these days?
(, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 17:25, Share, Reply)
Some of the "adult Lego" kit prices are pretty eyewatering, but you can still get second hand stuff by the kg on eBay for more reasonable prices, and I like the random self builds that the kids come up with. I could maybe knock the price of this one down to £375 for you.
(, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 17:42, Share, Reply)
One of my favourite Xmas presents as a kid was a shit-load of Lego train track (not the electtrified stuff) that my Grandad got me one year...
(second-hand, I should add)
I built some epic layouts with that stuff...
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Happosai _,,,,_(O ; o)_,,,, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 22:20,
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Oh my God
It's bigger on the inside!
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The_cold_stare Coming here only when very, very bored, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 1:10,
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can you explain?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8y38jV1sqQ
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artifus is doing it all wrong, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 2:27,
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Legii
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 9:15,
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?
brickset.com/sets/21304-1/Doctor-Who
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joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 15:50,
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Hooray I remembered my b3taday
And what better way t celebrate than with dancing girls. Boompf!
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Turboesprit Volume knob, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 13:01,
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Bloody hell, the flames; it's like Bradford Stadium in here!
(
da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 13:42,
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I say
Most stimulating for 1958 and even 2019.
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spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 21:43,
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The power of the dance. Still, ruined as always by the Gestapo.
(, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 7:40, Share, Reply)
Fooking hell
Happy flames. More dancing girls less bulk
www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-QSROyvvU4
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spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 21:37,
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It's like dresden on a bad day!
candles.
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The Ann Coulter Fan Club Babylon is burning at, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 22:32,
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Yikes that's not cool
But Rob started it
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spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 23:13,
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1.07
good for me - but not a record.
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The Ann Coulter Fan Club Babylon is burning at, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 22:35,
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Candles like it's 1666
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The_cold_stare Coming here only when very, very bored, Thu 8 Aug 2019, 1:08,
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The new Chris Morris film has a trailer.
Looks a bit underwhelming to me, but all modern trailers tend to make films look generic and meh.
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monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 10:57,
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It looks very ordinary doesn't it?
Basically Four Lions, but with added Alex Jones conspiracy theory guff.
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evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 11:48,
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IDK
On the small evidence, it seems like a pretty different angle and more of the state's side. Perhaps it's doing a Veep, translating something merkins didn't get in the original version and then ramping it up?
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unclepills, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 12:20,
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Where "didn't get"
Means rejected flatly for being butt raping stupid. Solution: double down on the stupid.
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kombu dashi, Fri 9 Aug 2019, 20:52,
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I've seen it getting good reviews.
Fast cutting and **exciting** music, pausing to deliver a punchline seems such a cookie-cutter way to promote a film, though.
Now you have YouTube to distribute them cheaply, I wish they'd bring back trailers with some art to them, made by the director, to run alongside the market-researched shit one.
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monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 12:36,
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Chris Morris statement:
lwlies.com/articles/the-day-shall-come-trailer-chris-morris-anna-kendrick/
Sounds like it's based in part on the Liberty City Seven
(, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 14:43, Share, Reply)
Hello again, bit of ambient trancey house today
I made this!
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quackpipe swings like a pendulum do, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 9:31,
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Nice
I showed some of your music to a friend. He liked it =]
(, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 11:21, Share, Reply)
Ah lovely, cheers, keep spreading it around :)
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quackpipe swings like a pendulum do, Wed 7 Aug 2019, 11:41,
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