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This is a question Bodge Jobs

If you can't fix it with a hammer and a roll of duck tape, it's not worth fixing at all, my old mate said minutes before that nasty business with the hammer and a roll of duck tape. Tell us of McGyver-like repairs and whether they were a brilliant success or a health and safety nightmare.

(, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 11:58)
Pages: Popular, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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Last year I wanted bigger and better fireworks for Guy Fawkes' - so I made this:

It's not the best photo, snapped with a cheap camera phone before launch. What you can see is the biggest rocket I could find, bonded with epoxy resin to a half-full can of Mr Muscle Oven Cleaner.

Mr Muscle? Well experimentation beforehand (spraying the contents of various aerosols over a naked flame), proved that whatever the fuck is in Mr Muscle, burns longer and more violently than anything else I had lying around the house. Also, Mr Muscle makes much more of a 'liquid flame', and continues to burn on it's own for a good few minutes. Compare this to say, deodorant, which burns briefly and powerfully - but doesn't stay alight unless constantly in contact with fire.

The party was on the beach. Most people avoided me when I arrived with my contraption. But the host declared it 'worthy of the finale' - which meant Mr Flying Muscle was going to close the proceedings.

After 25 minutes of dull as ditch water 'fireworks' - I was called to the firing range, positioned a few feet from the water's edge. The idea being that the pyrotechnics would safely explode over the sea.

I grabbed Mr Exploding Muscle and loaded him into a sturdy rocket tube. I set the angle at roughly 45 degrees, facing nicely across the water to France. Then, as per the instructions, I lit the fuse and retired.

Some things I hadn't considered:

1. How the weight of the attached can of oven cleaner might affect the height the rocket could achieve
2. How the weight of the attached can of oven cleaner might affect the trajectory of the rocket
3. How absurdly dangerous this could be

The fuse lit. It burned smoothly towards the base of the rocket where it hit the primer chemicals, and made a satisfying 'fizz' as the engines were engaged.

The thing took off! But in almost slow motion. It seemed to hover up to height of around 80ft. But then it began an immediate descent. Thrusters still burning, Mr Mother Fucking Muscle was coming straight back down towards us at full speed.

But it didn't hit the ground! Nope, the rocket did its exploding bit at around 10ft high, taking Mr Muscle with it.

Napalm! I had created perfect home-made Napalm. When the rocket exploded, pure liquid fire burst out in an evil mushroom of hell. Fire rained onto the beach. Children screamed. People ran. And there I stood, the centre of attention, cackling like a loon.

If ever the time comes that we have to man the barricades a la Libya. I will be there. Firing home-made Napalm rockets at any fucker that steps up.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 15:26, 159 replies)
I would have paid money to see that
(from a considerable distance, I might add)
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 15:40, closed)
This could so easily have been a tragedy..
... but as it stands it has me giggling here to myself like a freshly lobotomised chimp and so must be worthy of a click.

(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 15:43, closed)
Should have done it off Beachy Head for safety.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 15:43, closed)
I think
you should be hired as the pyrotechnics expert for the next annual Tory conference.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 15:53, closed)
Sounds fun...
but I'd rather blow up the Lib Dems. This year am planning a 4x rocket 2x can extravaganza. Need a staging / testing ground this time - any ideas as to a remote, safe place with plenty of natural hidey-holes?
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 15:55, closed)
Somerset - plenty of left over WWII pill boxes.

(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 15:59, closed)
Add fins
You need the fins to be well behind the centre of mass - which shouldn't be a problem with a fuck-off can at the front! Maybe remove the stick and attach 3 light but rigid wires with tincan fins at the end. The rocket will then fly much more stably (and will steer *into* any wind, by the way).

You'll also need to keep the centre of mass on the same line as the thrust. May I suggest two or more smaller containers, strapped symmetrically around the top of the rocket?
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:21, closed)
This all sounds fantastic..
but I'm worried that if I do actually acheive a decent amount of height and speed, the device could explode nowhere near the launch pad. I have horrible visions of dousing some poor OAP's thatched roof in liquid fire, and the subsequent local news stories that would follow.

I guess we could blame terrorists.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:28, closed)
I like this a lot, but there is one thing to learn
The thrust from your single rocket is tiny, hence the thing falling out of the sky. You need to double or treble the first stage. Otherwise you will have it hovering about at ground level until the final explosion. Good luck, wear goggles and post the video here.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 8:15, closed)
If I were doing it
I would fiddle the fuses so that the rockets went off in two stages, sending the whole assembly higher and removing the "holy shit it's coming back" problem.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 2:13, closed)
Armed and dangerous...
Your local supermaket can proved a virtual arsenal of weaponry. I had a friend who continued the aeresol / fire theme by sellotaping lit candles to cans of WD40.

The candle flames themselves were too weak to hit exploding temperature. But he used to place these devices around the garden and shoot at them with an air-rifle. The pellets would rip through the WD40 can - and the contents would ignite in huge fireballs. More than enough to take out a polis or two...
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:00, closed)
If I could click 'I like this' twice
Then I would. Lethal\Amazing, in equal measures.

Good work!
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:10, closed)
How I would have loved to have the guts to use this from our patented
Over the shoulder bazooka style home firework launcher. Have a click for being a loon.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:16, closed)
You are an insane cretin,
a deranged explosive-fixated fuckwit, and a danger to the entire of society, not just those parts of it standing within 40ft of your maniacal devices. I bestow on you a click, my best wishes for your next 4bomb2can experiment, and my desire to imitate your gibbering yet relentless search for a messy death.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:34, closed)
Yes, I see a potential Darwin Award winner here
Actually he's lucky it took off at all
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:36, closed)
That maybe true Falstaff.
But when the current Mid East crisis causes the oil to stop flowing, and England turns into Mad Max territory - what are you going to defend yourself with, your thesaurus?
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:44, closed)
I have never owned a thesaurus.
I'm just like this naturally. Perhaps it isn't clear from...y'know, the words, but I approve entirely. Just make sure it flies further away next time.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 18:56, closed)
I'll try and keep you out the firing line.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 20:24, closed)
You imbicile!
Surely you are aware of the laws of physics. The only way for this to have flown straight would have been to use a larger rocket and four cans of Mr Muscle.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:51, closed)
I based it on the space shuttle - which has a similar design. One huge fuel tank and a little rocket sat on top of it. But I guess you could be onto something...as the damn thing didn't fly properly at all with my design.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 16:58, closed)
You're missing the important bit
The fuel tank has two pissing huge rockets strapped to its sides, not just the shuttle. Therefore for this to work you're going to need more and bigger fireworks....
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 17:33, closed)
I think he did it perfectly
Unfortunately, the shuttle he was copying was Challenger...
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:18, closed)
i am totally making one of those this year

(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 17:12, closed)
agree with

Got to be done
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 22:15, closed)
...I guess there's a good reason that the public can't buy fireworks in Australia!
I do so miss buying a box of 'Standard Fireworks' that I used get every November in the UK.
(Clicks for this weeks winner!)
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 17:22, closed)
Even before scrolling past the picture
I could pretty much tell what the end result would be. You're lucky to still have a face, and for that you can have a click.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 17:30, closed)
A bit of magenta paint
and you would have had yourself the perfect Exploding Love Muscle.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 19:00, closed)
You're an ignorant prick.
And a prick who takes pride in his ignorance.

Thank fuck China is going to take over the world and leave pricks like you scratching at the poorhouse door wondering where it all went wrong. And thank fuck you're too fucking ignorant to ever work it out and will go to your prick grave bitter. And still a fucking prick.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 19:24, closed)
Angry troll
is angry. Run! The internets are revolting!
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 19:51, closed)
flame != troll
/internet for beginners
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 19:57, closed)
Angry troll
is instructing others how to flame! Internet explodes! Angry troll forgets his past postings! Angry troll disappears up own bum!
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 20:13, closed)
Do you lot take it in turns to trail me around the internet snapping at my heels?

(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 20:15, closed)
It's the guy who still thinks it's funny to troll the internet!

How's it going, old-timer?
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 20:38, closed)

(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 20:43, closed)
Oh well done
You've learnt to be self referential.
Clever person.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 23:08, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 7:08, closed)
Angry troll
attempts humour by likening poster to quadruped! Angry comedians trawling internet for new jokes find post! New internet meme is born! Graphic gets posted to b3ta! Angry troll trolls graphic post! Internets gets sucked into resulting self-referencing black hole! Angry troll loses life's purpose!
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 21:05, closed)
what he is saying
is that trolling and flaming are different things and that what he is doing here is flaming.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:03, closed)
I think you might need to use shorter words.
And some pictures.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:07, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 8:59, closed)
Are you too embarrassed to go back to your original account?

And can you not afford a "crop" function?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:06, closed)
Surely worth an honourable mention ;o)
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 21:34, closed)
You, sir, are a kindred spirit
I still bear the scars of my similar experiments with exploding things as a reckless youth.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 22:13, closed)
But you, sir, are infinitely more sensible.
I did this last year...and my youth is well behind me.

Still, it keeps the bin lids amused.
(, Tue 15 Mar 2011, 22:19, closed)

amused maimed

Why are you cunts admiring somebody who takes pride in his own fucking stupidity? Would you be sucking his internet dick if he bragged about getting pissed up and doing doughnuts on a school playground?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:18, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:21, closed)
Is your mum dead yet?

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:23, closed)
Why do you even bother you turd of hate, you have posted one shit story many years ago and now all you do is rather unfunny comments.

shambo you are soooooooooooooooooooooo

Like this story Albert have a click.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:34, closed)
I just glanced at your last few weeks of b3ta posts
and nearly more than half almost all of them are aimed in my direction.

It's very flattering, but I'm afraid I'm not looking for new internet chums at the moment. Sorry.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:37, closed)
Thats because
You are an idiot shambo and it is so easy to wind you up and troll the troll, you can't take your own medicine dr.

I know you find B3ta the best place to vent your frustration at the inadequacies of your life but at least if you troll, try some wit ball bag.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:39, closed)
Whimper whimper. Go and make a badge.

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:40, closed)
Mr troll where for art thou bridge.

*don't you watch Jeremy Kyle around this time shambo?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:42, closed)
'Wherefore' doesn't actually mean 'where'.
I was a bit confused as well, but it actually means 'why'. In answer to the question, I don't know why Mr. Troll is a bridge.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:59, closed)
Thank you
for the correction Bats. I would answer your why he is like a bridge is because he is thick as two short planks.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:19, closed)
thou means you
not your
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:08, closed)
I suspect thou art onto a loser trying to teach this one basic literacy.
But good luck and all that.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:17, closed)
reading the responses is hurting my brain.
but if he is going to be a pretentious twat when he is insulting someone, he could at least get it right. He can't afford to look any more stupid.

How long before I get called a /talk nobber do you think?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:25, closed)
About two minutes.
You /talk nobber.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:28, closed)
that was 3 minutes
and no trying to say that 3 minutes is about 2 minutes!
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:30, closed)
I hate you, mum!

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:40, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:48, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:54, closed)
Here's a game you might enjoy. It's called hide and go fuck yourself.

The only reason you are alive and talking is that technically it is illegal to kill you and put you out of our misery.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 20:33, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:43, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:45, closed)
Is this shambo word association?
Great I will go for fucktard.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:49, closed)
I've got to try that...
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 7:06, closed)
Good luck with further experiments, ignore the whiney whingers.
Just one thing to do first, develop a remote igniter for the fuse. A piece of fuse wire wrapped round the touch paper could be worth trying, 5A rating, attached to a bunch of AA cells with a swtich and a long set of leads, 10m minimum. you will have to experiment, but we used a transformer in the past to set homemade artillery off. Reliable and safe, well, safeish.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 8:27, closed)
"whatever the fuck is in Mr Muscle"
Sodium Hydroxide, the same as in truckwash solution. I've tried burning WD40 before (much better than deodorant) but this is just inspired.

MM oven cleaner is great at getting baked-on brake dust off alloy wheels, BTW. Spray on, leave for half an hour, wash off. Be careful, it stings.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:10, closed)
Don't do this unless you're an idiot.
There is a reason the warnings on the side of the can tell you not to use it on aluminium.

2 Al + 6 H2O --- 2 Al(OH)3 + 3 H2
Al(OH)3 + NaOH --- Na+ + [Al(OH)4]-
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 12:36, closed)
For the two or three of us here who didn't take Chemistry A-Levels
Can you explain what that means and why it indicates it shouldn't be used on Aluminium?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 13:55, closed)
Aluminium is a very reactive metal, but in air it almost immediately forms a protective layer of aluminium oxide so it appears very stable. Sodium hydroxide, found in Mr Muscle, destroys this oxide layer, leaving the reactive metal exposed to form more oxide, and repeat the cycle... resulting in your aluminium disappearing pretty quickly.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 16:01, closed)
You should have done better - I mean, it's not exactly rocket science, is it?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:20, closed)
If I might make a suggestion,
Get some D-class Estes rocket engines (any decent model shop will have them) and the igniter set. Seriously better thrust and you can ignite multiple engines simultaneously, ensuring that it's well the fuck away before it goes.
The problem with using more than one firework is that the fuses aren't always equal. We made a rocket with three fireworks attached to a cardboard tube with an egg on the top. The first two fired at the same time, raising it a foot or so before tilting over at which point the third fired and the fucker decided to come for us...
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:29, closed)
Estes rocket motors don't explode, much
So I don't think it would fire the Mr Muscle up. Now, if you combined the pyro effects from the firework with the propulsion of the motors, you might have something...
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:38, closed)
I wondered about the ones with the parachute charges.
Given the speed the things go off at, what about mouting the rockets nearer the top of the can - then the weight of the can stabilises it and hopefully the flame eats into the can.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:50, closed)
Yes, they spout fire out the end to pop the parachute
but it's more a puff than a bang. Should be enough to light the pyro package, tho.

The can-behind-the-rocket design sounds unpredictable!

A D motor gives 20 N-sec impulse, or an average of 12N for a little under 2 seconds. The weight of the can is going to be around 2N at a guess. So you won't get much height. But we're not bothered about the pressurisation, so emptying out the can into capsules strapped around the pyro would work.

This is all of course hypothetical...
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:40, closed)
As amusing as this story is,
how you didn't see the end result coming is beyond me. "'liquid flame' [...] continues to burn on it's own" - ff course it's going to be poor man's napalm. Still, it's a fine example of why fireworks really shouldn't be on sale to the general public.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:45, closed)
It's not really amusing though, is it, double-m?
He set fire to a pressurised can of caustic soda in a crowded area.

That's just teenage chav prickery.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 9:54, closed)
Trolling just teenage chav prickery?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:01, closed)
Breaking the law!
Breaking the law!

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:03, closed)
Who mentioned the law?
I just think you're an immature prick.

edit: although I'm still sorry that my whimpering fanclub had to follow me into your thread ... even a chav prick doesn't deserve that sort of tedium
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:11, closed)
Stop crying
into your Burberry hat shambo. You are getting rattled.

Aww does the troll want another biccy?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:17, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:04, closed)
I thought you'd had your fun with this "spoof" account, Dave?

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:11, closed)

weak little boy
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:19, closed)
Says the man hiding behind multiple accounts..

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 13:37, closed)
Sort of amusing, in that "I done blowed up a load of kemiculs" way,
but outweighed by the unrepentant irresponsibility.

Better for us all if Albert would confine his activities to blowing himself up.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:51, closed)
You terrible suckup.

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:55, closed)
Fuck of and leave me alone.
Only Thom Yorke understands me.

I'm going to cut myself, now.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:00, closed)
My only regret
Was that this impressively stupid act didn't take you in the process.

Fucking moron.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:19, closed)
Horrible bullying!

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:25, closed)
Yeah, you're right.
I much preferred your answer to this week's QOTW.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:26, closed)
It just wasn't fixing anything though, it was making something retardedly dangerous.
A genuine "hold my beer while I do this" moment.

It's like you read the question and thought "hmm I'll interpret that as 'recall a time when common sense escaped you when doing something'".

It wasn't a repair at all, which makes this all the more obscenely thick.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:34, closed)
I agree.
As I said, your answer to the question is far superior to mine.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:40, closed)
I didn't answer any question
I commented on your answer.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:43, closed)
I know.
And having read your 'profile info' - I can see why you'd never risk answering a QOTW. You write like an 11yr old child finding it hilarious to use words like 'anal' and 'semen' for the first time. And I quote:

'Adam never recovered from the anal insertion of the frisbee.
Eventually, the torn skin let out a lot of blood and became severely infected. Eventually, the pain overwhelmed the body and the organs simply shut down, and in some cases exploded.
Family members discovered his body later, in a pool of blood, pus, faeces and a little bit of semen. And a dog chewing his anus trying to prise free the frisbee.'

Such creative, mature writing! Really witty and rude. I don't know how I kept from wetting myself.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:49, closed)
Learn to read.
"Eddache recalls the event"

Do you know what this means?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:53, closed)
Lol! Anal!
Lol! Semen!

Man...you're too much! Go on...I dare you to sat 'poo' or 'cock'!

I know all I need to know about you: a semi-literate fool with absolutely nothing to say for yourself. Your life is so dull, that out of countless QOTW's, you have zero experience on which to draw from to answer even one of them. So you get your kicks trying to belittle those that do. Pathetic.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:06, closed)
I read that as
"Waah waah waaah even though I can't read who actually wrote your profile I'm going to berate you for calling me out on a spectacularly dull, shit and stupid action what I did and then comment on your choice to not contribute on a board that invites people like me on without some kind of licence which I am proving a need for with every awful AWFUL post I make"
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:10, closed)
And I read that as:
Well acutally I couldn't read it. Words have to come in a certain order for them to make sense.

But you've made me re-assess my assumptions of you. I was wrong. You're not 'semi-literate' at all, you're completely illiterate. And exceedingly dull.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:20, closed)
Things I've learned today
1. Albert Marshmallow is an impressive stalker who is on borrowed time by the looks of it.
2. He also has the attention span of approx 30 words, therefore unable to read long sentences
3. He and EmperorDullface are kind of like the troll-trollers, but they come across like they don't know they're doing it. Which is either Sacha Baron Cohen-scale human scientifics, or they are genuinely stupid.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:25, closed)
At least he doesn't stalk teenage girls on the internet.

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:13, closed)
Does he?

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:14, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:19, closed)
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:20, closed)
Another Top 10 entry to QOTW!
And I've had four in the newsletter.

Still waiting to read your contributions.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:21, closed)
I really must reappraise my life's achievements.

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:24, closed)
I think he should write a book about it
It'd sell like hotcakes here
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:26, closed)
I think you're underestimating the appetite for cakes of the average qotw porker.

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:31, closed)
Thing is...
I don't mind notoriety. Yeah I posted the story about hacking email accounts. I posted the story about selling paracetemol as esctasy. And I posted the story about making my own fireworks.

People either approve or disapprove - and they let me know by writing loads of comments after all those stories.

That's me. Some odd tales to tell. Some you'll like. Some you'll loathe.

But you? You have nothing to give. Nothing to offer. Nothing to say for yourself. You have no imagination and not an ounce of creativity. You are the worst of all types of people - dull.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:31, closed)
Odd that you deleted the post if you didn't find it embarrassing.
And I think you may be confusing me with somebody else. I had qotw answers featured in the original radio show in the days before they introduced the 'reply' function and turned into a self-help and mutual cock-stroking forum. And I've been an active member of /board since before they even invented qotw. How many images have you ever posted here? How many front pages do you have?

You're a creepy pervert and a chav prick. And proud of it. Bravo. Give Jeremy Kyle a ring if you want some real "notoriety".
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:36, closed)
pissing contest!
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:39, closed)
Though I hate to admit it - you've won!
I was happily reading all the creative and interesting responses on how to make my rocket fly better etc. When you came along (shortly followed by your gimp, Frisbee), and started to try and wind everybody up.

I said to myself 'ignore the losers' - and for a large period of time I did. I notice that you obviously have a reputation for being a total fuckwit, judging by the reaction of everyone on this thread when you joined it. Even so, I let my fellow commenters shoot you down - and I didn't get involved. But now I have. And you got what you wanted - a rise out of the OP.

You can chalk this up as another 'victory' - and go spread your special brand of immature trolling across the far reaches of the web.

Oh and I'll take your £200 and times it by ten - I'll give you £2,000 if you or your sycophantic lackey can post an answer to a future QOTW, that registers in the Top 5.

Until such time, I bid you farewell and wish you good luck in all you seek to achieve.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:51, closed)
I didn't offer you £200
you illiterate oik.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:54, closed)
Can I have the £2,000 to have reading lessons
seeing as you're now my daddy, or something wot he said?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:57, closed)
But you'll have to mow the lawn and clean the car for it. And no cheek when your Granny comes to visit. We all know she smells of wee. We don't need to keep reminding her.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:59, closed)
You sanctimonious prick
You brainfart about how dangerous your stunt was, 'cackling like a loon' and you get called out on it. Then you whine like we're taking the piss out of everyone here but no, I'm actually just calling you a fucking mong. There is no 'us', it's just you being the fucking tool.

Now go cut yourself a slice of cake, take a big breather, go stalk some teenyboppers, crack one off over them and come back when you feel better.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 12:00, closed)

I don't really care about any of this, but I'm becoming increasingly inclined to sellotape a lit Mr Muscle to your frisbee, you ridiculous manchild.
(, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 1:01, closed)
Midnight White Knight Hero AHOOOOOOOY!
(, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:03, closed)
Man who bragged about setting light to household chemicals in a public space,
calls those who post comments "immature".

If it's any help, there's an ignore button by every username, to help you better "ignore the losers".
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 12:17, closed)
No, not that!
He NEEDS to tell me how much I am lesser than him. Because that's the way the internet works
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 12:20, closed)
If I can get everyone on QOTW
to read something like this, maybe all the fighting would stop.

On second thoughts, where would the fun be in that?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 12:23, closed)
I'd rather give nothing
then bleat out on a publicly-accessible website how much of a questionable human being I am.

I will personally pay you £200 to construct the biggest and most dangerous firework and ask that you kindly put yourself in the immediate area of it so that you remove your pitiful, depraved and attention-seeking self from this plane of existence.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:38, closed)
Shit, that's almost his entire profile as well.

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:58, closed)
Another wanna be /talk nobber.

show him the ways of the troll shambo.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:42, closed)
Dr. Shambolic has nothing to do with me
You, however, appear to have no fucking clue what trolling is.
What he did was so irresponsible and so dangerous to himself and everyone in the vicinity, that it invites someone to comment on how stupidly bad it is.

From looking at your previous exchange with 'Shambo' above makes you come across as a whining little nobody and for you to think that I'm in cahoots with him simply because I also commented negatively on a thoroughly stupid idea isn't really doing yourself any favours.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:49, closed)
Because Fris my darling, your rubbish little tirade is on a par with shambos verbal bullshit that he spreads.

Albert at least has posted interesting stories, where as you fris my lovely have posted fuck all apart from bitchy little comments. Run along and play with your /talk friends you wanna be.

Here is some of your other oh so witty retorts www.b3ta.com/users/searchposts.php?id=84644&board=qotw
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:54, closed)
Does Fris troll
wanna biccy as well?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 10:55, closed)
I have been bested by the search function.
Oh White Knight, how may I ever repent for my indiscrection?
Shall I fellate my fellow QOTWer for inane dullardry as well, and then demonstrate my superb link-clicking skills to prove my point that I, too, am a fucking moron for thinking I'm oh so very clever?

Does Emperor Fuckface want to learn what Trolling is before defending his retarded brethren when a fair comment is posted?
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:06, closed)
you are such a perfect puppet (or muppet) to kiss
the vagina of shambo.

Your little mad quote is so original (without using google searches for "witty retorts") and shambo now feels safe to spout shit when he is pulling your strings. xx

Have another biccy mongtard.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 20:36, closed)
While I can't possibly fathom what drives you
I sympathise with your plight.
Go to bed, show your homework to your kids/parents, let them tell you how much of a gibbering wet fucking flannel of a person you're being, take the opportunity to get a fucking grip, and if you still feel need to berate me in the morning, just drop me a line and I'll deal with you directly.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 22:00, closed)
Damn straight.
How dare people post comments on a website that invites comments? Everyone knows that the Reply button is only there for show.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:04, closed)
It's political correctness gone MAD.

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:14, closed)
Mutually Assured Dullardry
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:16, closed)
Oh, Mr. Coward, you are a one!

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:20, closed)
Piss off, you.
The tip of my knife broke off, and I lost it in my vein.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:26, closed)
Don't you oppress me!

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:27, closed)
I post on this website for sympathy, understanding and personal validation, and all I get is people taking the mick.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:31, closed)
Fuck off back to /qotw.
Oh ... oh right.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:39, closed)

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 11:40, closed)
Oh Hai Pfft
Please give me another cracker mummy. fris hungry for people on /talk to like.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 20:37, closed)
Fuck Me!
What. is. happening. here????
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 14:24, closed)
From what I can gather
Quite a funny story about a home-made rocket gone wrong.

A chemical formula. Shouts of 'hippy'.

OPs story was shot down mainly due to long-held animocity from other members. Mainly due to previous posting that seems to have gone down in b3ta folklore about taking applicant's CVs and using them to 'hack' in to their personal email accounts and look at pervy pics. Wow.

Pedantic argument surrounding trolls, flames and probably D16s/bonus cards

Then there's been a barrage of people with/against "Shambo" (number 5?), then further comments defending/ridiculing placement within Camp Shambolic, lebelling them 'wannabes'.

Fucking hectic and yet alluringly good.

*Edit* Erm, or at least it was.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 15:33, closed)
That's about the size of it.
Except the OP's story was shot down purely because it's the story of an irresponsible chav prick setting fire to caustic soda in a crowded place. I only found out later that he had previous form as a creepy stalker.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 15:45, closed)
In fairness
An in light of other posts, and in fact in light of the post that started all this, I wouldn't have thought that a great deal of thought had gone in to it, ie I don't think he realised that it was caustic soda; more that it simply burned for longer than a can of Lynx (I'm a Right Guard man myself).

I'd say that the caustic (fnarr) reaction from other b3tans has probably made him realise that raining acidy death from above is not ideal.

Skim-read it originally and missed the bit about there being kids there. Silly sausage. I assumed it was just a bunch of pissed mates, Jackass-style.

I say save a little hatred for the 'organiser' who let it happen in the first place.

I think I just wasted 5 mins of my replying.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 16:29, closed)
Wasting time? On b3ta? Heaven forfend.
I suspect you're dead wrong about him learning a lesson though. He seems to take pride in being a moron. I quote:

"Thing is...
I don't mind notoriety."

A tragically common trait among the Jeremy Kyle generation.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 16:38, closed)
I've come up with some specatularly stupid comments/actions
but none that have been accompanied with such arrogance and derision as he showed.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 17:10, closed)
You're actually revelling in this brief moment of not being the most annoying adolescent on the b3tanet, aren't you?

I'd knuckle you on the head if I didn't think I'd catch Ultimate Lurgy.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 17:15, closed)
for doing a sum up, mate.
When I have a couple of hours I'll have a look through all the replies.
Personally I can't be doing with all trolling, flaming, penguin tossing etc. Far too much effort for not a lot.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 16:01, closed)
understand the concept of multiple-dimensions / setting up my fucking NAS drive more!
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 16:31, closed)
Don't start
I'm trying to migrate from MS Exchange2003 to 2010....

Long days.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 16:55, closed)
How the f*** did I get dragged into this I haven't said a thing !!

(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 18:00, closed)
You're such a terrible bully that you can bully people without even being there.
You've ruined the entire internet for everybody, you monster.

*runs off sobbing*
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 18:58, closed)
That may be it.
If I have that effect without making any discernible effort I may just make everybody's day and fuck off completely.

*contacts ISP to cancel broadband*
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 19:48, closed)
Your fanclub isn't as tedious as mine either.
I hate you.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 20:35, closed)
Thanks for the PM now I know I am not just BGN to you. xx
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 20:40, closed)
Get a job shambo or at least
do something that does not bore half the
internet you retard.

BTW I love your new puppet fris qc, his lack of grace and social finesse is such a breath of fresh air to you catastrophic attempts at humour.
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 20:24, closed)
You didn't
Relax, the QOTW will be over by tomorrow and this will all be a distant memory.

Then it will start again
(, Wed 16 Mar 2011, 21:17, closed)

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