young, stupid and armed!
ahhh 18, at the elixir of youth.
My friends had been drinking quite heavily in Edinburgh, decided to have some fun with their air pistols. Armed along with their portable stereo with James bond soundtrack decide to set up camp under some advertising boards.
they then proceed, in their infinite wisdom, to fire at passing taxis. unsuprisingly the taxi drivers called the filth, 5 minutes later various trotter mobiles roar up, friends decide to run for it. manage to get halfway across the car park before edinburgh’s finest - the firearms division persuade them to drop to the ground.
one of my mates, jon, shites it and decides to hide the evidence and starts swallowing the pellets. not only was he, along with the others arrested, but he had to go to hospital with lead poisoning as well. twat!
(steamboats, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 14:13, Reply)

kind of me, kind of not, but at uni....
it was a mates 21st, we'd been smoking all day, and drinking all day, went to the union to continue til closing time, when we decided to go to the party he was holding at his house. On the walk there, we all thought we'd take the shortcut through the (locked) park, and proceeded to clamber over a 10ft metal gate (quite a feat in that state!), walking thru the park, trying not to get attacked by tramps, we thought it would be a good idea to turn up with a memorable 21st present for my mate, at 2am there weren't many options, but a massive bench, between 8 or so of us, seemed appropriate, plus it'd give us somewhere to collapse at his party. So we carried this bench through the park, and got it over the fence out of the park, and were merrily walking up the street carrying it, needless to say, right on cue, the local law enforcement officers drive past in their motor, we drop the bench, and leg it, except one of my mates doesn't leg it very well at all, and gets collared. The law had some words, drove him back to the bench, made him help carry the bench back to the park and chuck it back over the fence! He didn't get arrested, but the 2 cops gave him some student bashing verbals whilst depositing the bench back in the park - but the funniest thing was, another of my friends came out of hiding, stopped the police car with my friend in the back, and asked directions to the party!
Sorry about long post, it was funny, honest!!!
(What's your favourite cheese?, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 14:11, Reply)

Speeding...
Another thing I've done which was slightly illegal was a couple of months back when I was flashed at by a speed camera.

'That's not very illegal' I hear you say, and I agree with you. The thing that was the cruncher on this whole affair was the fact that when it happened I was on my driving test. I failed, obviously. (and I've failed again since, this time for stopping at a green light...)

Thankfully, I don't think the camera had any film in it as I haven't heard anything from it at all whatsoever. Aren't I a lucky bastard :)
(richietheg my dad buries dead people. he's an undertaker., Fri 9 Jan 2004, 14:06, Reply)

Gentle plod jape
My mate Jock, after many pints of Thatchers cider, decided to cycle our other friends BMX home. Down a very steep hill in central Bristol. And met two of the finest coming up. Luckily he managed to brake before collision, whereupon they asked "if you don't think you've had too much to drink to be in charge of a bicycle, sir?". Jock replied (in broad Scots accent) "Of course not officer, for I can do an endo" (dodge 80's move, though this was the 90's and we were all quite old, hence our terminology possibly being out of date). He then front-wheelied (from a standing start) and of course came crashing down with his face on a pair of size 9's. We were all allowed to go on our way owing to both policemen cracking up.

Are they atill called endo's then or what?
(clapper, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 14:05, Reply)

Don't throw stones...
This is honestly true... I have a criminal record for throwing a stone into a pond...

Seems stupid I know, but let me explain...

There's a pond in somebody's garden which I pass pretty much every day on my way to the bus stop/village shop/pub etc. Occasionally, there'd be a stone on the road by this pond, which I would pick up off the road and throw into the garden. Occasionally, this would end up in the pond even though I didn't intend for this to happen, I was just making sure that the stones wouldn't be in the way of any cars going down the road (it's a very narrow road). This one time, there was a largish stone on the road, which as usual, I tossed back into the garden. This happened to land in the pond with a bit of a splash, which was unfortunate really as the woman who owned the pond (and the garden too) was in the garden at the time. She thought I had taken the stone out of the garden and deliberately thrown it into her pond. I protested my innocence, but she wasn't having any of it and called the police.

So my criminal record is actually for criminal damage, despite the fact that I kept on saying that the stone was on the road and I was meerly making the road safer for cars.

The good thing is is that in three months time when I turn 18 the record goes away and I'm clean again...
(richietheg my dad buries dead people. he's an undertaker., Fri 9 Jan 2004, 14:03, Reply)

not quite the cops - but taxi driver from hell
approx 4 years ago, attended a fancy dress/bad taste party and got royally wasted on ale & speed!!! won 1st prize for my geek get-up and proceeded to neck the 1 litre bottle of 20/20 (ugh does anyone remember how foul that stuff tasted?) evening over and wasted beyond standing i proceeded to fall into the ditch surrounding the rugby club venue whilst awaiting my taxi. un-deterred by the foul smelling mud/piss/water/shite combination that i had fallen into, when the taxi arrived i jumped right in and he proceeded to take me home......out i got (the wife paid the fare) into the house and straight into the shower....more than a little worse for wear i stumbled and pulled the shower curtain & fixings from the ceiling whilst the wife tried to appease the irate cabbie who had returned to out abode to discuss the payment for valeting his shiny new motor because o had left more than a little deposit on his seats & door trim.........she fended him off, but he vowed to return the next day for his fifty quid!!!........next day sure enuff he's there and i bullshitted him with some poverty stricken story saying i'd send him a cheque, insanely believing i was really gonna do this he wrote down his name & address and left it at that............months passed.........i'm standing at the bus stop awaiting the monday morning bus to work & the same geezer pulls up & goes mental at me BIG TIME shouting..screaming..and threatening physical violence.........ME well i totally denied being myself, even to the extent of walking over the road and into the house opposite's porch and made like i was going into the house....HIM got back into his motor & fucked off.............TOSSER
(benchild, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 13:44, Reply)

My little brush....
...involved them finding me in a drunken sleep in someone's front garden on the way back from a party. They picked me up, put me in the back of their car and drove off. They turn a couple of corners and...

...find a parked car on fire.
Oh dear.
They immediately suspect me but I manage to convince them that it wasn't me. They believe me and take me all the way back to my home. Nice rozzers.


Oh and there was this other time when a policeman jumped into my car at some traffic lights and "commandeered my vehicle". I asked him if he wanted me to drive fast. He said no, the spoilsport.

Oh and bravo to the guy who managed to pull the WPC. Is it off-topic for me to say that I find young uniformed WPCs sexy (just the non-shotputter types)?!
(trollbite, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 13:21, Reply)

forgot this
one night during a voluntary 6 week tee-total period. I was trying to aleviate boredom by playing delta force at about 2am one saturday morning. I just in my in my boxers & tee-shirtplaying merrily when a fucking plod just strode into my bedroom. talk about shocked. I stood up & look for all the world like a filty late night internet self abuser in my dark room infront of my computer in my boxers. I stood & said "Can i help you" in my best, i'm not a porno junkie & am actually quite reasonable voice & he just said "do you think you could put some trousers on, sir".

I lived in a shared house & one of the girls had come home and found the front door open a bit & thought we must have been burgled. So she phones the dibble & asks them to check out the house in case they are still in there. silly chicken.
( parsley, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 12:58, Reply)

Motorbiking under the influence..
is not a good idea! when I was about 16 or 17, I had a 50cc motorbike(not allowed any bigger than that in south africa till you are 18).

Had got royally drunk at a club, and was riding (very carefully!) home. As I was coming up to a set of traffic lights, I noticed a cop car alongside me. I suddenly got very paranoid, and tried to be as cool as possible. So we both slow down gradually to the traffic lights, but silly me gets one of his shoe laces caught on the foot pedal of the bike! This meant that I promptly fell over with my bike! I think the coppers were laughing too hard to worry about arresting me! (oh and even worse, the exact same thing happened when I was riding home from school one time...I was coming up to the traffic light, and was eying out this sexy thing in the car next to me, when I finally stopped, laces caught again, and over I went...needless to say, I went red as a...something red)
(nubby, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 12:51, Reply)

some nutter my mate knows
Ex copper and a bit of a loon "Dave" was at his house one night when he was pootling round in his kitchen he looked out the back garden to see torches round by his lock up out the back of his house, he had some nick worthy stuff in there so he calls the local plod.....it went something like this...
"hello can you send a squad car round to ............... as 2 men are breaking into my lock up....I can see them now"
"sorry sir the nearest car is about half hour away" (or something like that"
so dave gets a bit miffed
"Half hour.....they'll be gone in half hour you have to be kidding me right?????" and hangs up

so he ponders about it and rang back after 5 minutes with this...

"Hello this is Mr ........... I rang 5 minutes ago to request a squad car..."
"yes sir and I said...."

so dave drops his bombshell

"no its ok no need to hurry Ive just shot them both with my shot gun"

and hung up......

1 Police Helicopter....Armed response and various other cops were there in about 5 mins

So dave answers the door as they rush round the back and catch the two guys in the act.....?????

Inspector guy says to dave in an angry tone

"you said youd shot them....what the fu...?"

so dave said "who's bullshitting who you said half hour for a squad car"

Genius..................

Totally true story........

honest guv
(cheekybleeder, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 12:48, Reply)

Dictator themed anecdote
My girlfriend is a pretty good driver, but she does get nervous, particularly when faced with lots of traffic. The streets of Harare provide plenty of same and she was having difficulty pulling out for a right turn into a particularly busy street. So when a police car and several motorcyle riders go by and the street suddenly empties, she seizes the chance and we're on our way (in our *stunning* ice white Beetle I'ld like to add unneccessarily). Next thing I know some kind of military vehicle pulls up alongside, soldiers waving furiously. I try to bring this disturbing development to the attention of the driver but alas, the stress of the driving so far seems to have caused her to stick her brain into mono-tasking mode and she's focussed on the road ahead and little else. Next thing I know there's another military vehicle alongside and the soliders have stopped waving and started pointing what look to me very much like machine guns -- they actually look quite bewildered, in stark contrast to my girlfriend who is confidently and obliviously making good progress in the still-empty road, although I will not see the humour of this until much later. I quickly assess the situation and calmly scream directions "JESUS CHRIST PULL OVER AAAGGGGH". She does and I live to make this post. It turns out that everybody's favourite Nazi Dictator, Bob Mugabe is using the road (I actually get a great view of his murderous head as he whizzes past in his posh limo) and, man-of-the-people that he is, has passed a law making it illegal to use any road at the same time as him, on penalty of death it would appear.
(planet115, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 12:28, Reply)

Tok tokkie
In South Africa us kids used to have a fun little game call tok-tokkie. Basically this just means we run around a neighbourhood either throwing stones/bricks/tyres onto peoples roofs, or knocking on the doors and then running away. Not much else to do there...

Well, this one night my mate and meself being all of 15, were throwing bricks onto this one chaps house. All of a sudden this guy come out his house bearing a shotgun, and starts taking potshots at us. Totally freaked out, we just ran, and said we would meet up back at my mates place. Needless to say I got lost as fuck, and was so paranoid cos the coppers were driving about and I thought they were looking for me...I ended up hiding inside a large stinky sewer for 4 hours. Finally when I found my way back to my mates place, he was just chilled out watching telly and asks "where you been? and what the fuck is that smell?". Bastard.
(nubby, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 11:48, Reply)

My tuppence
There've been a few incidents, most not really noteworthy, but these two are good examples.

1. I once drove through an army check point in Belfast in the middle of the night as I was so stoned I confused the red torch light they use to get you to stop with brake lights on a car further down the road. Given the army's notorious itchy fingers at checkpoints I think I was quite lucky there.

2. I went to the university of salford where I met a few cool people. One of them we thought was well balanced but it turned out he'd been sleeping with a replica gun under his pillow for a few months. It transpired he was just going to use it to scare the shit out of his sisters husband who had taken to being a bit heavy handed with her. Cool we thought, replica gun!
Castle Irwell is the salford uni student village & out the back of that is the irwell valley, a lovely green bit of grass & trees full of muggers, murderers, rapists & scallies. Behind that used to be the halls of residence. We decided to take the gun up there & have a go at firing it in one of the fields. Which we did & had a great old time. Finally the gun jammed & we decided to head home. One of the lads there took the gun & headed up to girlfriends in the halls of residence. When he got to hers she said something like "Jesus, you've not been out there have you! The police have just been round to tell us to stay in as some nutter is shooting a gun down in the fields". "Oh" he says, and then with a smile opens his coat & pulls out the pistol, "you mean this gun here?"

oh and once i got stopped for a faulty headlight & the cop noticed my tax disc was out by a week. so he comes up to me and says "Right sunshine, seems your tax disc is up too"
"Shite" say I "Genuinely didn't know that" to which he replies without any hint of irony "Well, I'm like Don Corleone, I'm a reasonable man. You have a week to get that seen to" - what a complete twat. I could see his partner hanging his head in shame when he said.
( parsley, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 11:44, Reply)

premeditated theft of a for sale sign
I would like to make a confession for a friend of mine - we shall call him Matt (cause thats his name).

It was the time of 6th form pranks, and it was though that the school needed a new bus stop. Happily Matt new where onw had recently been knocked down by a motorist. So at 3am on a wednesday night with the bot of his car loaded up with mates, a hacksaw, cement, shovel and bottled water (for the cement) they crept out....

Arriving at the scene of the crime they found the bus stop was incredibly heavy and the kack saw did not cut through the magical material that they make bus stops out of. They decided that a change of plan was nessecary. Noticing a nearby for sale sign had come down they decidced that the putting the schhol up for sale would be a good plan.

So they got the sign down and walked towards the car with it .... just as a police car came around the corner.

Quick as a flash matt hid the sign under the car.

the police stopped and got out to speak with them citing that neighbours had seen suspicious behaviour in the area. They asked him what he was doing, -"just streching my legs officer"
"oh really, then why do you have a for sale sign under your car?"

the police then searched the car, sniffing the water and and atsting teh cement (much to the ammusment of all involved (except the cop who got a mouth full of cement)

They where then all arrested for premeditated theft of a for sale sign and taken back to the station for 1 hour of the cops winding them up before being released.

thanks for listening!
(eskimo, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 11:38, Reply)

the perils of monty python and trolleys
When i was about 15, some mates and me decided to down to our local, run down cinema establishment in Fareham (the kind of place where Max Bygraves is a regular), as they were showing Monty Python's Meaning Of Life. We had also decided to bring some cinema snacks a la stolichnya vodka, and entered the place. It soon turned out that we were the only people there, so we got quite merry, and eenjoyed the film. On the way back (around midnight) we decided to muck around with some shopping trolleys in a car park. I was pushing my mate Al really fast, just as a police car pulled in, sirens flashing. Of course, being a good little boy i let go of the trolley and turned to talk to the coppers. They asked how much we thought the trolleys cost (about 20p, as my mate Steve replied). This got them quite riled, and they started asking for names and addresses, at which point, we heard a large noise. Al, supposedly blinded by drunkenness had inadvertendly pushed the trolley in to the police car. Cue night in the cells for Al....
(mynameisnotgoodge, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 11:34, Reply)

when i was about 16...
...i was walking home from a party with a couple of friends when i needed a piss, so went into some nearby bushes. meanwhile, my mate ran up to the roundabout we'd just passed and grabbed one of those cardboard arrow signs advertising a nearby golf sale or something and he decided it'd be funny to stand at the side of the road pointing me out to passing cars with his big cardboard arrow.

one of the cars that passed us happened to be a police car and we stood there watching it go all the way round the roundabout and back in our direction. it pulled up and a police woman got out thinking we were vicious car-jackers or something. we explained ourselves, but she decided to take down our details anyway and pulled out a clipboard covered in bits of paper. then for some reason she changed her mind, put the clipboard on the roof of the car and got out her notepad. we gave her our details, she got back in the car and proceeded to drive off... with the clipboard still on the roof... distributing her paperwork all over the road!

she quickly reversed back, got out and made us run back and forth around the road picking up all of her stuff!

silly tart!
(secretsquirrel, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 10:54, Reply)

Because i'm a good child i havn't had many , I got told off for swearing by a policebloke and my sister puked up on one's shoes.. and ah yes my nan once knocked another bloke's tit off his head
(smoglane!, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 10:36, Reply)

The advantage of being Australian...
I have at least one thing to thank the English for. Your carefully nurtured (and reciprocal) hatred of the French got me out trouble one night in Paris...

Making my way back home late at night from the Eiffel Tower, I decided to save myself some precious beer money by jumping the gate at the Metro station. I'd seen heaps of people doing it all over Paris, and figured it was one of those low-risk ventures that the locals do as a matter of habit.

Over the gate and halfway up the stairs I'm stopped by a portly Frenchman in an overcoat, who asks, in French, to see my ticket. Thinking quickly, I pull out a completely invalid ticket I'd used earlier. This fools him not at all, and he tells me as much, in French.

A few minutes later, having attempted to discuss this problem with the aid of my broken French and various hand gestures, PortlyMan and I come to an impasse: I'm just simply not going to pay the fine. I figure that I'm leaving Paris the next day, and so long as I can make it too much bother for him, he'll probably just let me go.

In the end I say to him (in French):
"What if I have no money [to pay the fine]?"
"I call the police"
"Ok, so call them!".

I'm feeling quite smug at this stage, since I'm almost positive that there's no chance some fat, ticket-checking oik is going to trouble the police to handle a fare-evader. Not to mention that if he heads off to call the cops, you better believe I'm not going to be there when he gets back.

To my dismay, PortlyMan simply turns around and gestures to a pair of men standing against a nearby wall, who I now notice are carrying guns. Bugger.

NastyCop sets in on me immediately. He unleashes a fairly comprehensive stream of abuse at me, in French, of which I get about 40%. We do a similar broken-French-and-hand-waving charade as before, except his concern seems to be more that I've committed an offence against France, rather than the Metro system.

Finally, he breaks into shouted English:

"When you see a door to a room, do you kick it in?!" (This is obviously rhetorical, so I don't reply)
"Do you think you can just go through your life without paying for anything?!" (Ditto)

"You fucking English bastards are all the same with your terrible manners!"

"Wait a minute mate, I'm not English, I'm Australian."

NastyCop stops mid-abuse.

"You are Australian?"

"Yeah mate, I'm an Aussie" (Laying the accent on nice and thick)

"And where do you think you are going tonight, Australian?"

I mention our destination, and NastyCop has a 15-second conversation PortlyMan in French of which I catch about 5%.

"Your last train has already left. You should go."

At which point I leg it. So thankyou England :)
(B1, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 10:33, Reply)

Run-ins with the law
Me and a friend had just been to the cinema up-town in London (to see Spank the Monkey if I remember rightly) and as it was a lovely summer's evening we thought we'd go for a couple of spliffs in Hyde Park after. So, we wandered into a particularly dark patch of the park and I proceeded to skin up. Half way through rolling the second one, rizla, hash and cigarettes on the grass in front of me, a bright light suddenly appeard from nowhere! I very quickly realised it was emanating from the torch of a PC, who was accompanied by a WPC. He said, 'What are you doing?'. A billion possible reply options ran through my head in about 2 seconds, and then I thought there was no point trying to blag this one (especially as I was licking the rizla to finish the joint off when the light appeared). It was a fair cop. So I thought I'm not even going to try and bullshit this guy. I said, 'I'm just rolling a joint, actually'. To my utter amazement the PC said, 'Just make sure you take your rubbish with you', and buggered off into the night with his partner! On the other hand I have been taken to a police station and strip-searched by the police for 'looking at them in a funny way' before.
(Datokah, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 10:32, Reply)

my old boss could drink
and so was always good for a story. One time him and a group of buddies went for a beano up the coast somewhere - there was about 16 of them so they hired a minibus, leaving at about 6am and arriving in time for the pubs to open.

Designated driver is on soft drinks all day, and after a few hours they hit the bookies to catch Channel 4 racing. The driver backs a long shot and wins a few hundred quid, so its back to the pub to celebrate. Chucking out time comes and they all head back to the minibus, where they realise the driver in his joy of winning "forgot" his responsibilities and is now as paralytically drunk as the rest of them. After a brief discussion they decide he can drive them home anyway.

So they're tearing down the motorway when the sirens come on and they all start to panic, until one guy comes up with a plan. They pull over, and all run off over the fields in different directions, assuming there will only be two coppers so they won't be able to catch them all and identify the driver. Except getting 16 fat, drunk old men out of a minibus takes longer than two athletic sober coppers do getting out of an Escort. The last guy out doesn't like his chances and decides to hide under the minibus.

He sees two sets of feet walk around the vehicle, then a flashlight shines under the van - "would you mind coming out here, please Sir?". Sheepishly he crawls out.

"Have you any idea how fast this van was going back there?" Plod asks

"No, but it was going a fair old stink when it knocked me over, Officer"
( twig Save 6 Music, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 10:22, Reply)

The Fast and the Fortunate
Most of my run-ins have been for speeding, back in my younger days (don't get caught so often now I have a motorbike). Here's one of my favourites:

Returning home from a site visit in a customer's factory down the country. Proceeding at a healthy 90-odd mph up the motorway, I notice an Alpha Romeo (which I didn't know was a cop car) start to tail me pretty close. I sped up a bit, as you do. Before long we reach the end of the motorway where it turns into a dual-carriageway with an inexplicable 40mph speed limit. It's at this point that the sirens & lights go on, and I'm pulled over to be told that they have me on video doing 120mph in a 40 zone. Oops!!

So I got in touch with a friend of a friend who's in the police, and who tells me that this could be difficult to get off because the traffic squad are always being approached by other police on behalf of friends. Some time later, I learn that he had got in contact with them and told them that I was helping him with a fairly sensitive drug investigation, and could they let it slide. Never heard anything back about it. Phew!
(Kyzia was here on, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 9:54, Reply)

Murderer...moi ????
Set wayback machine to around 1983.

There I was, working my way thru yooniversity, living at home (cheapskate) and with a part-time job at a hotel. Cushy life....except, there was a murder. A taxi driver picked up a customer, and was found throat-slashed in a quiet lane.

And the police questioned me ! God knows why.

It was only the hotel I worked at.
The lane was only half a mile from my home.
My parents were abroad for the week in question.
I hadn't even been working at the hotel that night, although I had walked up to the hotel (only 3 miles)to collect my wages, around the time that the taxi picked up the fare.
I'd spent the rest of the night at home, alone.
Someone roughly fitting my description, was served at a chip-shop on the hotel-home route, with allegedly blood-stained clothes.
I did have a deep gouge out of my arm (ran into some barbed wire).

Police took a blood sample, and I never heard from them again.

The Murderer ? They never caught m..him.
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 9:52, Reply)

One summer....
I murdered 2 people, I was arrested and spent 35 years in prison.

well.... I thought it was funny
( dogfish, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 9:35, Reply)

A legend...
...amongst my circle of uni friends. Sadly 2nd-hand as this happened a couple of years before I arrived.

The three in question are avid players of White-Wolf's Vampire Live-Role-Play game, and had, the night before been engaged in a game and (for the club website) a photoshoot. Which explains the 'props' in the boot of their car.

Anyway, the following day, these three were driving around town and one of them thought it would be a genius idea to start playing with a cap-gun including firing at various passers by, and holding it to the head of the other two. Anyway, much hilarity ensues, but eventually they get bored and return to campus... it's at that point they notice they're being tailed by the police.

They pull up on campus, and decide that, obviously the law want a word so they start to get out...
"STAY IN THE F**KING CAR!!!" says a voice from God... or rather, the police-cars' loud-speaker.

A tad concerned these three do as their told, just in time to see a police van speed up, pull up infront shortly followed by several officers carrying MP5's piling out and dragging them out and to the ground. They find the cap-gun and begin questioning the three. Before they go much further one of the three says "Look, before you go any further, you'd better look in the boot."

The coppers do so. They find the 'props'... these props included an AK-47, an M16 and a grenade launcher, to name but a few, all either blank-firing or replica.

The three were arrested, put in separate cells, and questioned individually. Eventually the law realised they were telling the truth, and let them go with little more than a stern talking to.

Well, realising one of the three had a scientific practical, due to start any minute, the three make their way back to campus. The one walked into his practical, late, and said:
"Sorry I'm late, I got arrested"

The lecturers reply was
"Oh, that was you... well, you can do the practical some other time"

The three then spent the rest of the day getting hammered in the uni bar.

Well that's the story as best as I remember being told it by one of the ones who was there. One of our role-playing groups legends.
(minister of heresy, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 9:14, Reply)

erm...
One time when I was about 6 maybe I was at a daycare type place. Some other kids asked me if I wanted to help kill some spiders, I happily joined them since there was nothing else to do at that hell hole. We were bashing away at what I now know as a retaining wall...The spiders were inside the blocks you see, so in the extermination process some(many) of the blocks were damaged(destroyed). Basically we were caught by one of satan's minions (an employee of the daycare) and were told to either stop and go back inside or she would call the police. Thats about it...wow, aren't I the rebel...Oh, there was the one time we hid in some bushes and a crazy person came out with a baseball bat and thought we were stealing from someone's house, but I was never seen, so I guess that doesn't count
( Esch, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 6:45, Reply)

Youth, Beer, and Police
In the winter of ohhh.... 1992 or so, I attended a Canadian engineering student conference in Hamilton, Ontario. Ahh, Hamilton - if Toronto is the armpit of Canada, than Hamilton is surely the arsehole. At any rate, it was the normal booze-fuelled state of barely-contained violence and lawbreaking that was the norm for engineering students, complete with theft of the giraffe from the city nativity scene and the attempted dangling of a Volkswagen Beetle from a bridge.

"Attempted", you ask? Yes, "attempted" - needless to say, civil engineering students may not necessarily be the appropriate parties to plan a stunt that involved hooking a large chain to the bumper of said Beetle, and to the rail of the bridge, before pushing it over the side. It's called "shock loading", lads, look it up. The Beetle fell. And floated. And started battering the bridge abutments, whilst being pushed around by the river current.

Said brilliant Civils fled the scene. Approximately 6 hours later, the fine fellows of the local constabulary applied their powers of deduction and realised that the culprits were likely some of them brainy types over at yarn yooniversity, and dragged them out of the conference (guess someone fingered 'em). Oh how we laughed...

So anyway, that evening, after the dumb Civils from the wrong coast got bailed out, it was time for (yet another) party. We (mechanicals) decided to host the party in our room, after having visited everyone else's rooms (in various parts of the hotel - silly bastards did NOT give us the two dedicated topmost floors and the empty buffer floor they were supposed to - this is important later kids, pay attention) and jiggering the cable boxes to supply free porn. We filled an entire bathtub with layer after layer of crushed ice and beer. Brings a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat to remember it even now. It was a thing of beauty.

Somehow, all the beer disappeared. I dunno. Thermodynamics or something. So there were about 200 heavily inebriated and otherwise self-medicated engineering students roaming the hallways, visiting each other's rooms, and more often than not, the rooms of complete strangers who were less than impressed by the invasion of the drunken idiots.

The hotel management called the cops. The cops, already somewhat peeved at us, what with missing giraffes and bridge battering Beetles, sent the riot police. I shit you not. Full body armour, shields, and shotguns. Against drunk engineers.

By this time, I had progressed beyond drunkennes into some wierd Zen-like state of mental inertness. I was wandering the hallways with some chums, carrying my frigging huge Engineering mug (capable of holding more than 2 pints of beer).

We turn a corner, and there's two riot cops glaring at us. One pushes my buddy up against the wall, and one starts in on me.

"What are you doing?"

"Walking" (ever helpful, I thought he might have had trouble observing the obvious)

"Where are you walking TO?"

My Zen calm shattered. "None of your fucking business, you little maggot of a man! I'm a private citizen in a free country and I paid for my fucking hotel room, and I'll walk around the hotel if I fucking well want, and no little wanna-be Gestapo brown shirt is gonna STOP me!"

Rather eloquent, I thought. Wise, no. He starts in on me. "Why are you doing this? You've got a career ahead of you, and you're going to get arrested for carrying around an open container of liquor and for disturbing the peace and resisting arrest and..."

By this time, his goon-like henchman had come over to watch the fun, and snatched my mug from me. Placing to his nose, he sniffed. Perplexed, he dipped his finger in the liquid and tasted it.

"Errr... it's water"

"Eh?" says brown shirt #1.

"Water. He's carrying a mug of water."

“Water?”

“Yep.”

At which point, the way cool mad robotics inventor prof from the U of Toronto showed up and dragged me off to his room for more drinking. But not before I rescued my mug. I get thirsty when I’m drunk. And that’s my most funnest run-in with the law.

Yes, this is my first post. My B3ta hymen is officially broken. And the username? After failing miserably at my first 3 attempts at a unique name, I got peeved.
(buggeringfuck, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 5:40, Reply)

any rocky horror buffs out there?
my best friend and i were driving home from seeing the rocky horror picture show in a neighboring city. we were all amped, driving way too fast on the freeway (about 90 mph), and blasting music. out of nowhere comes an SUV with sirens. tom and i exchanged a paniced glance before pulling over. what would this most-likely conservative cop think of us? two teenagers, tom dressed in full drag and me in an obscenely short maid's outfit. the cop gave us a few quizzical glances, leaned over and said "my son went to rocky horror tonight, too. go home, kids"
(sophie the dyking, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 5:01, Reply)

Me and my mate were driving along one day
I was in my car and my mate was in his. My mate use to own a Holden Gemini (an Australian car - bit of a bomb) and it would cop a beating. Every panel on it was dinted. Planning to have a bit of a laugh I drive up next to his car and stick an axe handle out the window, swinging it at his car. We were driving along a major road and there were plenty of people around. You can imagine what they were thinking! Knowing my luck a couple of cars back is an unmarked police car. Before I know it there is a blue flashing light behind me. Knowing it was just a pratical joke so I promptly pull over and jump out of my car to explain this to the two police officers. Of course they had no idea it was a practical joke and took my advance towards them as an aggresive move on my part. They then proceeded to pull out their firearms shouting at me "GET YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM". Stunned I did just that. Next I know I'm standing on the side of a major road with my hands on the roof of my car with two police officers around me. Quite a sight for my mate who saw me getting pulled over and pulled over himself. Meanwhile I am trying to explain what has happened to the irate police officer who is screaming at me things like "DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK", "YOU'RE GOING TO F'IN JAIL PUNK" and "WE'RE F'IN DETECTIVES, WE DON'T PULL PEOPLE OVER FOR F'IN TRAFFIC OFFENCES". Luckily for me my mate came down to explain things, at which point the cops turned on him shouting things like "WHO F'IN INVITED YOU TO THE PARTY". Anyway after a while they realise that I'm not armed and I am not going to attack them so one cop questions me while the other questions my mate. They then swap over and realise that it was just a stupid prank. Tell me how stupid it was and how if I had of taken another step towards them I would of had a bullet in my chest. It has remained one of those stories that gets told over and over in our group of friends.
(Some guy and his dog, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 4:44, Reply)

I live in gang-infested L.A.
And, being gang-infested L.A., it's also gang-war-infested L.A. Once, the Armenian homecoming king had the shit beat out of him by a group of rival Mexican thugs. Needless to say, the Armenians didn't like this. Things kept escalating until, one nice March day, 400 people began to beat the shit out of each other in my high school's main hall. Needless to say, there were LAPD officers in every room for a good few weeks afterward.
(Digitdean: Disappointing Fans Since 1989!, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 4:31, Reply)

Here we go!
February 2003, my ex boyfriend beat the shit out of me, so I left him. Went to pick my stuff up a couple of weeks later and bitch slapped him. He called cops, I was arrested, sent to jail and charged with domestic violence. HOWEVER, as the cops were driving away with me in the back my ex boyfriend banged on the car window and started laughing. About 4 blocks down the street, they pull over, take my handcuffs off and run his name.
6 months later on the day that my charges were dismissed, I got a phone call from the arresting officers to let me know they'd picked up my ex boyfriend and were sending him to jail for 3 months (when they ran his name it turns out that he had a warrant out for his arrest).

No. 2
Registration expired on car, pulled over by cops. Due to no insurance and a none-valid driving licence (UK learners permit) cop is going to take my car and asks to search it. In the ashtray is a brown vial (never used the ashtray). Out comes the narcotics squad (I'm sat on the kerb in handcuffs about to be arrested for possession) who laugh their asses off as it was only air freshener in the vial. The officer looked at me, unhandcuffed me and said "on your way, get your registration fixed okay!".

No.3
Got pulled over for same as above but had temporary registration, cop cites me for driving without a licence. Go to court, shows judge UK learners permit and told him it was a valid UK driving licence. Judge dismisses case!
Yay!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 2:12, Reply)