TheManofScience is right, dammit!
I remember the first time my aunt asked me to sit with my cousins while they watched a Hi-5 dvd.

"Oh God, more dregs of children's tv to be subjected to." I thought, and tried to hide behind a newspaper. Until Charli came on, and I was smitten.

My family were regularly puzzled by the fact that I, while normally so unwilling to even be in the same room as children's television, was now sitting down to watch Hi-5 with my cousins at every opportunity, whether they wanted to or not, unsually with a big grin on my face. I even went with them to see Hi-5 perform live at the Apollo.

Mind you, my uncles seem to be just as pervy in terms of Hi-5, although they prefer Kellie. Fools.

Also, on the subject of children's tv, I must shamefully admit that June from the Little Einsteins has a certain something about her. I think it's cos she reminds me of a real person. I damn well hope it's cos she reminds me of a real person.

True story. My length is lengthy.
(Uncle Comrade, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 23:12, Reply)

On the receiving end.
After I got out of college, I decided to substitute teach for money while I looked for a job.

My old high school hired me regularly for the next four years, so I basically re-did high school and even went to the graduation to say goodbye to some students. However, because I had a babyface, I looked too much like the students (hence tie and facial hair were a must).

Anyhow, at the graduation, one student asked to stay in touch while she was in the army. No problem, as I was going to Iowa for grad school and the mail would be nice (pre-email days). Besides, I didn't see her all summer, so I wasn't expecting more than a letter while she suffered through boot camp and nothing more after she made some friends.

Well, it was no problem until we both went home for Christmas and decided to get together, and I introduced her to some friends fresh out of the army (to give her advice).

I drive her home, and she proceeds to tell me that on the first day I subbed for her class, the talk in the lunchroom was "who's that cute sub for Mr. F"?

Then when we hugged goodbye, she decided to use her tongue to see if I had any tonsils.

My in-shock thoughts were:
"She's kissing me; I should do something; I should either stop it or kiss back..." By the time "stop it" registered in my addled brain, her parents drove up behind us.

So I pulled away, pointed this out, and she stopped. Then she got out and said goodbye. When I asked what it was all about, she just smiled and waved goodbye and shut the door.

I had to drive four hours back to Iowa that night with the incident on my mind; and she was leaving for Georgia, too, so no chance to straighten things out. And I sure didn't want to hang around whilst the parents were there.

So while driving though farm country in the dark, listening to the new tape my brother made for me, I hear Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher." It was not funny then.

With the new year, she starts sending me more-and-more obsessive letters about listening to wolves howl around barracks at night and her calling my name (my surname is Wolf).

I spend two days typing out a three-page, single-spaced letter saying, basically, "you're a nice girl, but this isn't appropriate" and giving reasons, including distance and ANYTHING I can think of.

And she calls on Valentine's Day and says that she knew I felt the same way about her.

While she is saying this, I've called up the letter on my computer and am scrolling through it furiously trying to find ANYTHING that could have been taken that way, and I just don't see it.

While stalling, I ask her what it is she wants from me roughly 1,000 miles away.

She replies, "I love you Mr. Wolf. I've loved you for five years."

The fact that she doesn't use my first name made it all that much more creepy.

I reply that we haven't known each other for even four yet.

Thankfully, the letters start to taper off, although given her trouble with the army, a friend says he's waiting for her to show up a my door, gone AWOL.

Turns out later she married another soldier in May, after the last time I hear from her, and they leave the army and she immediately gets pregnant.

Last I heard, she decided she was lesbian and was divorcing him.

I wonder what she's doing these days, some 10 years later. But I'm not sure I really want to find out.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 23:05, Reply)

R.S teacher...
... with the appropriate name, Miss Surmon. She wasn't particularly attractive, but relative to the other female teachers at school she was this stunning redhead with a penchant for short skirts and thight blouses.

Being a pubescent hormonal teen, I fancied anything with an appropriate sized hole in it, but this teacher really did it for me. Thinking about it now, I've got this horrible feeling that she was trying to seduce me and I was too naive to notice it. I often got asked to stay after the lesson ended, despite being a well behaved kid, and one time she gave me a full-on stare and did the whole Basic Instinct legs thing.

I'm an idiot for not acting on that, thinking about her now is making me pop a wheelie.
(A Good Egg, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 22:53, Reply)

Wrong wrong wrong
So many crushes - so bad....

I just remembered that I had a crush on one of my Uni lecturers. Debbie something - 30 odd - great breasts (And I'm not a breast man either)....

I made an inappropriate pass at her just before the end of Summer term. I had to write to her to apologise - she wrote back and told me to forget it.

The worst thing was that I did it again in the November. Urgh.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 22:39, Reply)

SM:TV
Cat Deeley - but only from SM:TV days......

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 22:30, Reply)

a buddie of mine
has a super crush on a thirty two year old scott who works with his parents...she is currently in scottland, he wont even go out with other high school girls he loves her so much.
(blue-turk be bi bicky bi bo bicky bi bo, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 22:30, Reply)

Me and a mate
Jane from neighbours (late 80's)
Kirsty Allsopp
many many more...

Also, not me but my mate Pete met one of his fantasy girls on Wednesday night- Vix from Fuzzbox - now backing singer for "Ginger and the Sonic Circus"
profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=57340546

As I announced to her the fact that Pete had a load of pictures of her on his wall, Random (Bass player) announced "Yeah, loads of guys keep telling her she was their first wank"

Mind, you would wouldn't you !
(kitescreech still here, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 21:42, Reply)

Ahem..
Speaking from my very own mouth, I can tell you that I’m quite the heterosexual man. I love women. I love their bodies. I love kissing women on their taste-full lips and tits and second pair of lips. I love making them feel special, I love making love to them and doing awful, unmentionable things to them that would make Casanova himself blush. I enjoy the occasional strip club and the attention I get from the “entertainers” for carrying cash.
Random play with a girl while both of us are in half drunk state at a party is always fun, and nothing beats the feeling of having the weight of the opposite sex on you. Also, like many of you, I constantly withdraw from the wank-bank birds I have an eye for. Well all this seems quite normal (I would assume), except…well…my inappropriate crush is this man:




Ajax from the Warriors (mind you, the character in the film not the actor himself). He’s so hot and such a bad ass. I wish I could “go faggot” with him…Ahem…well I’m trusting you with this secret so please refrain from clicking “I like this.” No really. Please stay away from that button.
(The Horizontal Monster Mash Mr. T Pitties Me, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 21:32, Reply)

Patricia
My mum's cousin's missus. I was about 6 or 7 so she would have been in her 20s. Dark-skinned, long dark hair, always well made up, tight skirts and six inch stillettoes (which is probably where I got my 'liking' for heels from). I wanted to marry her when i was six and when i met her some years later she would have been in her forties but still damn fine. It was at her son's wedding and, looking back, it was probably rather inappropriate of me to be hitting on her all night. Especially with her husband right there next to her...
For even more unattainable, I have a bit of a thing for Jo Frost off Supernanny. I think it's the glasses and the stern voice. She can sit on my naughty spot if she likes etc. etc....
(Ghostlight, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 21:15, Reply)

how dare you
Indecisivephotogirl - did you have to show my photo to the world? And you're no oil painting either.
(hypostomus, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 21:01, Reply)

Ahhh !!i still blush
I deeply fancied a girl called Joan in college (I never fancied any girl more including any girl i ever went out with) I even finished with my girl when i found she split with her boyfreind just in case i had a chance.....Anyway one day walking down church street, Liverpol she tells me theres this male freind that she has whom she REALLY REALLY LIKES! but is TOO SHY TO ASK HIM OUT. I step in to save her any embarressment saying "well just ask me"...She stops dead in the street and says "He works in Littlewoods"....It was a Long silent walk to the bus stop.
(freddred, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 20:58, Reply)

Captain Black
from 'Captain Scarlet'. He looked a dirty bastard. Mmm, Blacky baby, got wood for me, Hun?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 20:56, Reply)

This man...

(and now for someone completely different, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 19:47, Reply)

mum to be
I fancy this girl who's computer I have to fix at work. She's about 19 and is heavily pregnant. It must be something about that maternity wear and the way you can sometimes see her engorged boobs through the gaps in the buttons.
She also has a strong interest in computers, that turns me on so much.

I have to go and do something secret now.
(rosstheboss, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 19:40, Reply)

Anything at the mo is an inappropriate crush....
...me missus is 5 months preggers, and if she catches me even glancing at something with 2 tits some holes and a heartbeat my arms will be violently removed and used to beat me to death, the hormonus spack of horror that she is at the mo.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 19:33, Reply)

I have "dreadful" taste
I have such awful taste in famous men...please read and laugh at will:
George from "London's Burning" - the one who was a boxer, ugly as sin
Martin Johnson (rugby player) - pwoooargh. Sat near him at the cricket this summer and couldn't breathe I was so excited.
James May from Top Gear - he's just quite sweet and funny.
Jeremy Clarkson - my friend met him and showed him a pic on her fone of me, telling him I fancied him. JC's response? "She's cute but God I feel sorry for her, fancying me. She needs to get out more!" I just love how he rants. Mad.
Gordon Ramsay - God, he's so masterful. Turns me to jelly when he starts bossing people about.
James Nesbitt - c'mon, he is GORGEOUS! And it's not just the accent. Although that helps.
The bloke who played Father Ted, Dermot somethingorother. He was lovely.
Used to fancy Paul Coia off PebbleMill when I was about 7. Ewww!
I clearly have a thing about older men...not sure what this says about me ;)
(SpongyMonkey is an honorary East Anglian on, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 19:29, Reply)

Fizz from the Tweenies

makes me wet. She looks like she's got quite a big arse though, so penetration up the rear may be hard, but not impossible.

Knowing my luck with the ladies though I bet there's a bloody geezer inside that suit.
(Lt Columbo, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 19:17, Reply)

Ahem...
Ahem...Gordon Ramsey (he's so shouty!) and Boris Johnson. I have a fondness for Rick Stein which is sometimes borders on the unhealthy too.

And Ian Huntley has been described as having a certain 'pikey hotness' amongst my peers. Not by me. Honest guv.
*shifty eyes*

Edit: I forgot about my penchant for cartoon characters too. Egon from Ghostbusters and Rio the purple-haired hunk from Jem and the Holograms
images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.jemunlimited.com/pics/kissstar.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.jemunlimited.com/bios.htm&h=143&w=192&sz=7&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=-KM7OBBVIPXwOM:&tbnh=77&tbnw=103&prev=/images%3Fq%3Drio%2Bjem%2Band%2Bthe%2Bholograms%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DX
(Bunnygirl, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 19:05, Reply)

Oh so many to choose from
Philip Schofield
Tim McInnerny
Tony Head
Tim Curry (specifically as Frank N Furter)
Adam Ant in full make-up
Nick Rhodes in full make-up (there's a definite pattern evolving here)
Gary Oldman
Chris Evans (shoot me now)
Drew Barrymore (mmmmmmmmm)
Fiona Apple (it's the voice)

And they're just the tip of the iceberg, I feel I need to get out more...
(Flangella, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 18:47, Reply)

Creepy cartoon crushes
Beetlejuice - the cartoon one. And Albert the 5th Musketeer. It was the mole that did it.
(n0ne, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 18:14, Reply)

hmm
Alison Lohman, nout wrong with that, but the first time i saw her in anything was in Matchstick men where she's playing a "13" yr old, had very weird thoughts right up until the end of that film
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 18:00, Reply)

ALL OF YOU!
I furtively read your profiles whilst touching my sex-button.

You bunch of teasing web-slaps.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 17:59, Reply)

Amanda Lamb
Mmmmm Lamb roast...
( weekendsession, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 17:45, Reply)

friends sister
The seventeen year old sister of one of my friends. Only met her once, but it inspired dirty thoughts for a week. Slightly inappropriate, as I'm twentyfour and her brother and dad would kill me.

Just took a fancy dress costume back, and the girl in there gave me what can only be described as the major horn. Not really inappropriate, except geographically. Good job there was a desk in the way or I'd have embarrassed myself. Must be the red hair.

I'm going to need some private time later tonight, as I've just thought of them both together...
(stapleface, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 17:41, Reply)

This is probably illegal but...
I love the voice of Lola off "Charlie and Lola".
(rogerzilla, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 17:40, Reply)

Among many...
For those of you familiar with the Silent Hill movie (not in the game though), Pyramid Head. Lord knows why, but unf.

One of my longest standing crushes is Bernard the Elf from those shite Tim Allen 'Santa Clause' movies.

I don't know as it's inappropriate, per se, but I'm ashamed to admit Taylor Hicks.

As for in reality: the one that slays is a guy I know who's in his late thirties, while I'm 18.

And while I've always maintained that I am an entirely heterosexual female, as of late I've been crushing on one of the gals that coaches my rugby team.

I'll be back in, uh, five or ten minutes...
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 17:38, Reply)

My primary school english teacher.
I had a crush on her and sent her a love letter.......



... she sent it back with spelling corrections.

*sniffs*
( Signify, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 17:06, Reply)

Bodyless murderess
Miss Scarlet from Cluedo. She may have had no physical form below the neck, and there's a fair chance she killed someone but she pressed my buttons at an early age. Thereafter Felicity Kendall, who is fully equipped with a torso and so forth and wouldn't hurt a fly, Fickleness of youth I suppose.
(TaxiForRoy, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 16:57, Reply)

kirsty allsop
as good a time as any to quote from viz's borderline boilers ("the head say's no! the nuts say go!")

29, Kirsty Allsop:
"If she could see her way to giving my extension the once-over," writes Ogilvy Mather of Berwick-on-Tweed "I'd happily gazump all over her desirable frontage and original features."
(eightAce, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 16:55, Reply)