oh oh! 1 more
during a school rugby match a lot of wankers turn up for a fight with our school team, as if they were some sort of Firm or something. anyway they were shouting a few remarks at my schools team, and eventually a fight breaks out with about four people on one full back, absolutely knocking the shit out of him. games teacher to the resue, full on sprint RUNNING HEADBUTT into the leader of the bastards he goes down like hes never ever getting back up, full on rofl all round.
(Jimmai, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 21:03, Reply)

Sausages for sales!!!!
But Auntie Mildred! I haven't got a spine. Can't you make an ornamental sweeping brush out of your own?

Whats that? I'm an evil spirit with a scary moustache? How dare you! I built a lego coffin for you and you treat me like this?? No wonder uncle Bert used to vomit gravy on your tits every night when you were asleep.

"oooh my tits have produced brown gold by osmosis! Aren't I clever!"

No you're fuckin' not, its gravy so there.

Daft cow. Now, where was I?...
(Andrew Avetoom, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 20:56, Reply)

LOL
one time in maths, some chav guy who had just started at my school, began hitting me in the back and calling me ginger, (ooh never heard that one) so i spun around compass in hand and carved my full name into his arm with said compass. fucking hilarious i didnt stop laughing all day. he got expelled a few weeks later for sucking somebodies eye until it bled. what a dick
(Jimmai, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 20:54, Reply)

Maths room haircut.....
I only had one altercation at school which is shocking considering i was the school freak but when you are a 6ft girl with giant shoulders, not many people want to fuck about with you apparently.
It was with this girl who we will call Denise because that was her name. Her ma used to cut her hair and it looked like she did the fringe with a set-square! Wore Nicks trainers claiming they "are what Nike are called in America" WTF?!
Anyway....i digress
She used to tag along with one of the people i had lunch with and one day thought it would be a good idea to make fun of me while there was a lot of people around. I let it go over my head for about half an hour until the red mist appeared and i picked her up by her throat with one hand and threw her over the school fence into an adjacent garden. Everybody laughed and nobody went to help her. I was school hero for about an hour but nobody ever called me a freak again

*pop*
(thingymebobs, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 20:21, Reply)

Ahhh.
I believe it was year nine when my mate Rajinder brassily declared that he could take Madzi - one of our years' leading roughians - in a fair fight. As is the way with such claims, every student in the school found out before lunch and it was decided, that to settle the debate Madzi and Rajinder must meet at the local park after school and face off for the title. This event was the talk of every class for the rest of the afternoon, then as soon as the bell tolled about fifty people rushed to the park and formed a circle around the two contestants. The crowd watched in awed silence as Rajinder and Madzi strode in to the ring, chucking their rucksacks to one side and advancing upon each other with ill intent. One fighter circled the other, fists closed, arms crooked and eyebrows furrowed. This preliminary dance continued for about five minutes, at which point Madzi's older, stronger but infinately more peacable brother broke through the crowd and yanked his sibling away with a roll of his eyes, leaving Rajinder looking mightilly releaved, if somewhat wounded by the look of dissapointment on all of our faces as we dispersed to our homes.
(Text_Fish -- Humourcide., Wed 15 Mar 2006, 16:18, Reply)

i used to be a bit of a bruiser when i was younger (read: before i discovered the calming effects of weed)
and as a result used to get in a fair amount of utterly pointless fisticuffs...once even with a teacher...

to cut a long story slightly shorter..i was on a school ski trip to mont geneve in france. it had been a fairly good week, though the teachers confiscating our booze and then partying with it on the last night still annoys! the buggers.

anyhoo, on the day of departure the whole group was gathered in the restaurant waiting for the coaches to come pick us up for the journey to the airport. one of my compadres decided to have a bit of fun by nicking the teacher responsible for the trips rather natty headware. several minutes of "give me my hat back" "no" exchange and the teacher decided to change tack...by taking my camera (my pride and joy slr of the time) and holding it for ransome for the hat.

this did not go down well with me and something of an argument broke out. much to the amusement of the rest of the group (about 40 pupils and teachers), who were watching. things came to a head with me physically pinning the teacher to the wall with one hand whilst getting ready to brain the fucker with the other. hmmm i remember it clearly as if it was this morning!

as it happens my dad was along on the trip (not as a teacher but as a kind of guest of the guy i had pinned to the wall!) and i can hear him quite clearly say into the now totally silent room "simon. no. a word please".

after a brief chat with my dad in the toilets it was agreed that the teacher was at fault and that i should simply go quietly outside to wait for the coaches. at this point all i was thinking was "fuck, that's me expelled regardless of the positioning of blame".

shortly after i was asked to get off the coach (sat at the back with mates discussing my education threatening moves) by the teacher i had nearly lamped. thinking "this is it" i obliged and left the bus...only to have the teacher apologise unreservedly and a commitment that here is where it stopped.

from that point onwards the word spread round the school of the mighty 5th year who had "attacked" a teacher (the then head of chemistry and deputy head of the school!) and gotten away with it! hehe
( MrHaze likes to poo, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 16:13, Reply)

Not so much fighting as war.
We had a kind of cold war at our school which lasted about two weeks and during which the destructive capabilities of our armaments escalated alarmingly.

We started off flicking paper clips at each other off rubber bands. If you fold the paper clip out so that there is only one curve, then make a bow out of the rubber band and your thumb and forefinger, you can make a fairly lethal weapon with it. It would raise small welts on peoples' arms or backs.
Bu the middle of the next week we had discovered increasingly better ammunition, the best of which were these heavy u-shaped nails with a spike on either end. They would chip chunks of plaster off walls and i managed to sink one about two centimetres into a chipboard. I'm fairly confident that had the threat not been adequate, and it had escalated to full on war with these, our lives would have been forfeit.
A few weeks later, after complaints by parents had caused a classroom pocket search, the teachers were quite alarmed at the savage nature of these weapons, and a couple of us were threatened with suspension should we be caught with them again.

A few weeks later, we were more interested in "chair mines". This would involve the covert placing of one or more drawing pins onto someone's seat just as they were about to sit down.
They was also outlawed by the powers that be after i placed one on Jesse's seat when we were in drama class, and were in the middle of acting out a scene to the rest of the class. Our poor drama teacher, who was a very nice young lady, was visibly disturbed that kids would do such horrible things to one another.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Wed 15 Mar 2006, 16:09, Reply)

primary school again
When at primary school, was playing british bulldog with the year below and one of the little runts didnt like a move i made and started to jab at me so i clocked him one in the nose which seemed to explode and he fell on the floor.

After this everyone was going on about his brother in the same year as me who i didnt know about and saying he was going to get me. for the rest of that brake and until lunch i was worried about what was going to happen to me.

Lunch time and the brother comes up to me and since i had had some crazy growth spurt i was bigger than him so i just shoved him over and walked off. Nothing was ever mentioned about it again.
(hairymonkey, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 15:56, Reply)

ahh memories
In an english class one day the class clown (and quite a good friend of mine) was sat directly behind me and for some reason decided to cut off some of my hair. Now I'm sure all the girls who have ever been in Year 8 will agree that hair is important when you're 13.

Anyhoo apparently I turned around and walloped him one smack between the eyes, and knocked him backwards across the desk behind him.

Funnily enough I don't remember any of this, but a fairly large number of my class put it as a favourite memory in their yearbooks at the end of year 13, so if they still think it's funny now, it must have been fucking hilarious then. What makes this better is that I was a right toss-pot at that age, doing my homework, not swearing and generally being a total lick-arse. I think that was the turning point.

And then there was the first time I ever got drunk at the tender age of 15 - went out to a club having drunk copious quantities of vodka beforehand, and the school whore was there (tough as the week-old pizza on my desk, and about as rank as well), who threw her drink at me. The red mist descended and I launched myself at her knocking her to the floor and attempting to rip off her face.

Got a lot of comments along the lines of "you fight like a man," but I was never into the scratching and hair-pulling style.

I then lived the next two years in fear of her remembering when sober and coming to kick the shit out of me. She left for the scummy local comprehensive (I went to a grammar school) and got knocked up about a year later.

Good times...
(Love For Sale, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 14:41, Reply)

biscuits
I got into a fight once.
This bloke had a biscuit I wanted, so I hit him in the stomach and took it.

He couldn't hit me back because he was
a) winded
b) my brother's friend
c) 7 years older and 3 foot taller than me.

That's right. I was a toddler. He and my brother retaliated by running indoors and crying.

That showed me.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 14:14, Reply)

Twin bonfire trouble
We used to build bonfires every October school holiday leading up to torching it on Nov 5. This generally involved local deforestation by us using axes, knives, saws and whatever else we could find/nick/borrow.

One year I got into a dispute with one of the Bartlett twins (right hard annoying f@ckers they were). Anyway, one hits me across the back with a rose bush, so I chased him down the road, repeatedly throwing my 8 inch carving knife at him (missed every time). Then proceeded to stand outside his house chopping up his fence whilst shouting "send him out" or something similar. His mum thought it wasn't a good idea.

When I got home that night, we'd had a visit from the police. Luckily for me, the (cocky) rozzer had a go at my parents for letting me out with a big knife. Parents took offence, sent said rozzer away and I didn't cop any punishment for it. RESULT!

I often wonder what prison the twins are in now.

Me, I'm a well adjusted member of society now.
(Steve_LF, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 13:03, Reply)

Exmouth comp
Huge school, probably loads of fights though I never saw any. But there was this one girl in my class, who was... big. Tall, wide, round, like some beachball with legs. Also fairly loud and obnoxious, quite popular with all the other loud obnoxious people. Anyway. I'd seen her intimidating people a few times, just by walking up to them in a threatning jelly swagger and bumping them with her mass. She never had to do anything else, everyone would sort of back off after she did that, never wanted to get involved.

Anyway one time I started getting into a bit of a debate with her, about something, disagreeing with her, which she didn't like. So she tried the jelly swagger bumping thing on me. I looked at her. I looked up at her fat, scowling "don't mess with me" face, and I laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed and couldn't stop laughing.

She turned around and walked off, never touched me. Never bothered me again. I rule.
(therocker, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 11:24, Reply)

A Horse , a horse, my Kingdom for a horse....
....about ten years ago me and a couple of mates were playing soccer on the green when along comes local "hard man" i.e. Twunt he thinks he's hard but not on a horse, yes a horse and challenge's me to a fight whilst remaining mounted on said horse!

Fight involves him trying to knock me down with horse and horse disagreeing with master. He gets frustrated and attempts to hit me with his "Reins" i.e a manky old tow rope. I grab rope, pull hard and thus force him to dismount sharply and run away crying like a girl. Me, feeling ten foot tall, thought I was king of the world until the little Twunt returns with a hammer! Trouble a foot methinks until my mate Sharon calmly walks over to him and knocks him clean out with one punch!

Upstaged by a girl but not hit with a hammer. A fair result over all.

[Generic length joke goes here]
(Adaminho, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 9:57, Reply)

Not quite but nearly...
April 1993, I'm just a month from sitting my A Levels at college and am working my chumleys off in the IT room trying to get the bug ridden crock of shit in MS Basic that is my A Level Computing project into a reasonable effort.

The tutor conducting her first year class had graciously let me use a spare PC while she taught - me having been sat there programming non-stop during a lunchbreak and a free period I waited until a quiet moment and asked the girl next to me to keep her eye on my PC while I popped out for a smoke.

One Benson & Hedges inspired moment of tranquility later, I headed back to the IT room. I was somewhat disturbed to see that my PC was now showing the network login screen. Not to worry, thought I I'll just restore from the backup I took before going for a smoke... Backup? Fucksocks.

Seeing two hours work go down the drain I was slightly vexed and turned to the nearest person to me and asked "Who was just fucking about with my PC?", she simply pointed to a figure with his back to me and said quietly "him".

I was mightily pissed off at this point and marched up to the guy sitting down and grabbed the back of his chair and spun it round. I wanted to look the cnut in the eye before I twatted him senseless.

And then... He just sat there. He had buck teeth, thick glasses and his mum had cut his hair. He was the class geek (which is some achievement in A level computing, which attracts a huge proportion of freaks) and I had my fist clenched and drawn back to knock the shite out of him.

"Why the FUCK did you just do that to my PC?" I screamed

"Meh, I thwoght I thwould be a laugh" he lisped, trying to avoid eye contact and crapping himself with fear.

I had hold of his lapels at this point and was still incandescent with rage. I realised that a) I was literally twice the size of him and b) If I did brain the little twat, I'd get thrown out of college at the 11th hour.

I did the honorable thing, dragged him up to eye level by his collars and explained in expletives of one syllable that if he went within ten feet of me or my PC for the next six weeks until my project was submitted, I'd kill him, before dumping him down in his seat to consider what I'd just said.

Still, I like to think that I won a symbolic victory that day, empowered by rage I managed to get my project finished (got a C for it, woo) and subsequently continued to enjoy alcohol, full sex with women and an active social life.

Meanwhile, he went home to be fisted by his Dad again.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 15 Mar 2006, 9:42, Reply)

Mine is a deserved beating, more than a fight
I went to a very good school in the town a few miles from mine, owing to my local comp being full of scummy chav psychopaths. This in turn made me from 'the hard town' and put me under a perceived obligation to prove my fighting abilities.

Who better to pick on than Michael Kennedy - The smallest lad in the school. Having been there only a few days, what I didn't know is that the Kennedys were the local hard family (Brothers in prison, drugs, knifings - Yay!). So I challenged him to a fight behind the school at home time. At 3.15 pm I duly turned up and leapt on him with all the gusto I could manage - only to look up and see a 5th year's giant red Fila trainer (Circa 1990) flying toward my face with impressive speed. Needless to say the Kennedy family members present and all of their friends proceeded to beat the living fuck out of me.

I don't fight much any more.

But when I do, I do my research first.
( beast_with_two_backs Every time you kill a kitten, God masturbates, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 9:30, Reply)

Not in school, but 7yrs later...
Walking back from the pub with my best mate and his missus, we come across one of our admin guys who'd been chatting up my mates ex-wife. To have a bit of a joke with him, my mate says "straight up the road, and when you reach here, turn left... number 23" as a reference to where the pscycho bitch lived. Admin guy (obivously in quite a state of inebriation) in his own inimicable way retorts with "come on then you slag!!" Me and my mate say "piss off and go to bed dickhead!!". Cue various un-intellectual insults as we walk back onto camp.

EPISODE 2:
After popping into another friends room for further drinks and to eat my takeaway pizza, I decide to retire to my bed. Just as I unlock my door, cue aforementioned dickhead standing behind me saying "not so big without your mate now are you!!" (my mate is about 10st wet thru and i'm a bit on the large side) I wrote this off as drunken bravado on his case, and proceeded to enter ny room. Cue more witty remarks. At this point the alcohol finally takes control of my mind and I decide to call his bluff - "Fuck off you annoying little twat, if you're going to hit me, get on with it and get ready to wake up in hospital!!". Cue fisticuffs!!! Next thing I remember is having him pinned down by the throat, getting dangerously close to going too far (choking sounds / blue lips etc) So I get off him pick him up and say: "now go to bed!!". As i'm walking back to my room.. "come on then!!", by this point a bit of common sense returned to me, and I walked up the corridor to another mates room and asked him to be a witness as to how much of a prick that dickhead was being. In the middle of that conversation, dickhead jumps on my back. According to my witness, we grappled for a bit, and the result was me pinning this guys head against the wall and delivering blow after blow to random spots on his head. Cue witness calling the block NCO out of bed to sort it out. Both got told to go to bed, which we did. Next day saw dickhead, and he looked like he'd gone ten rounds with a jcb. And he apologised...

Fair do's to him. He's been a top bloke since then.
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 8:41, Reply)

Making myself a nice crisp sandwich
Anyway so there i was - a snowman on the roof. "Help! Get me off this blinkin' roof ya galaar!" ( I was influenced heavily by Alf Stewart in those days)

When my teacher (Jermaine Pennant) comes strolling round the corner and takes one look at me. "Why are you on the roof mr snowman?" he bellows at me.

I give him a cheeky wink and reply "because Carol Vorderman is a whore!"

How irrelevant!
(Andrew Avetoom, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 8:13, Reply)

I have run out of coke
Always nice when those not fit for society join the conversation. You really come off as an incredible asshole, a disgusting little rectal wart, a blemish on the ass of humanity. But maybe that's just me. . .
(24601, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 5:46, Reply)

Not quite a fight, really
In 5th grade, I was terribly unpopular as I had skipped the 4th grade and didn't know any of the older kids. So to entertain myself, I had a notebook in which I kept little tidbits of rather embarassing information such as which girls were the prettiest, and which of my classmates were thick, or smelled. One day during recess, a classmate snuck back into the classroom and rummaged through my desk. He of course found the notebook and shared what I'd written with some of the people who were the subject of my young humor. It was one of the few times I've ever really snapped, and I don't remember if I just shoved him or actually picked him up and threw him, but I do remember seeing him slide the entire length of the classroom floor and head first into the teacher's piano. I got a rather stern talking-to from the teacher, and needless to say, I was even less popular afterward. Thankfully, I moved to another state at the end of that year.

No apologies for length. Mrs. F. doesn't complain, and neither should you.
(WillF http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverfischdotnet/, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 5:09, Reply)

Don't mind me. Just wasting space.
I had a reputation for being a violent type when I was in high school, which is weird cos I hate being hurt or getting into fights. I do admit I was a pain in the ass cos I never did what was asked of me. The only fistfight I did get into was a little unfair. We were coming back in from a fire drill and this short cunt from the middle school started shoving me and yelling at me to move faster, even though we were packed in like cows at a meat packing plant. I yell at her, she yells at me, shoves me again, I try to shove her and miss, and when I get to my floor, she punches me in the back of the head several times. I finally went to the principal about it cos I was so pissed off and what does he do? He suspends the both of us for fighting.

Unfortunately, I was and still am a complete puss about fighting and never took proper revenge on the administration. However, in a recent visit to my old school, I told the VP I was thinking about becoming a teacher if animation didn't work out. She turned seven shades of pale and shat herself. I really must think of what to do cos I may be a sissy about fighting, but I can be a devious little shit. Kiddy porn and his computer? That'd be sweet.

Otherwise, fights were pretty rare. You could tell we were the good school cos we would only have one fight a year instead of one fight a week or day. (And less rapes and stabbings and teacher stabbings like other schools in the district or one town over.) One that stands out in my mind was over Yu-gi-oh cards. *sigh*
(DeadCats, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 4:58, Reply)

tell everyone to be nice when he comes back...
At my school there was one seriously spoilt git who used to think he was the business but everyone really hated him, you know the sort. Anyway one day at school he decided to have a go at me so a little scuffle ensued. Cutting a long story short he ran off to the deputy headteacher to dob me in. So, in the middle of Geography lesson I am asked to go straight to the deputy heads office for a chat. This is where things got slightly strange...

Dep Head: I have sent x home as he is upset he got into a fight with you and he said that you won
Me: ?????
Dep Head: Could you please tell all of your friends not to take the mickey out of him when he comes back as he is quite embarassed by the whole thing
Me: Ok, no problem

I return to the geography lesson with everyone wondering what was said. I, obviously, proceed to tell them all exactly what happened and what the Dep Head said. You can guess what happened.....everyone taking the piss out of him when he returned. I look back on it and still laugh and have been reliably informed he is still the same twunt now!
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 1:30, Reply)

School War
It's all fun and games till someone gets tombstoned.


During the days when wrestling was the cool thing to like, a few of us hung around together and gave our group some gay name. "The Executioners" or something similarly stupid.

Break time was boring so the only fun thing to do was either play football or have a scrap, though football usually ended up with a scrap anyway.

It reached the stage where our little group became known around the rest of the school for being a bunch of wankers. Fair observation i'd say. Obviously the little kids had a point to prove and they were fully intent on out-wankering us.

A bunch of them decided to kick off against us one lunch time and a few slaps thrown here and there saw that they were easily defeated.

However, somehow this little square off escalated into an all out school war. We found ourselves up against every boy in year 7, 8 and 9.

Keeping with a hollywood storyline, one of our group also betrayed us by defecting to our enemies and leading them to our hideout. I'll never forget the sight of him running towards us, followed by an army of little kids.

The fight lasted the whole of lunch time and the battlefield took the form of a patch of grass around the back of the school. We were severely outnumbered; I recall being pinned against a wall by 8 kids at one point.

It was like a scene from the last samurai, a chaotic melee with fists flying everywhere and the younger kids beating each other up as their was not enough of us to go around.

The highlight of the event was a certain ex-boyfriend of Charlotte Church tombstoning a year 7 while his best mate figure 4 leglocked another. All of this while our geography teacher casually watched from an above window while smoking a fag.


We lost our break time for a while after that episode.


Other classic fights include a teacher beating up a student's parent, our science teacher bearhugging the class clown, a girl completely fucking up a guy in my class for calling her a moron, two girls getting their hair ripped out by some pyscho bitch and an all out brawl during a rugby match initiated by a someone clotheslining their own team mate.

God, I miss school.
( Regger, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 1:20, Reply)

Revenge is better than Christmas...
About 15 years ago whilst getting changed at school, Steven (an annoying Steptoe-looking-mother-fucker) decides to entertain the crowd by repeatedly whipping my arse with his towel.

My usual mild-mannered temper deserts me, I see red and proceed to lift the little shit by the throat, carry him several feet through the air with one hand and pin him to the wall, screaming "Leave me the fuck alone!" in his face.

I didn't really know what to do at this point. Never had a fight before and I'd calmed down pretty much instantly. So I let go and start to walk away.

*SMAK* The cunt punches me right in the eye, whilst his kept-down-a-year monkey friend starts kicking me in the back and cackling.

As tears of frustration roll down my face I'm slightly cheered by an impressed mate saying "You had him there!"

Fortunately for me, Steven died of a heroin overdose several years later. Which not only gave me huge laugh, but also a nice shiny headstone to piss on every weekend on my way home from the pub.

Sweet dreams Steven.
(tinpixel, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 1:15, Reply)

I can't remember it.
I'm not much into scrapping. If I can't talk my way out of a situation then there must be something seriously wrong, like a mouthful of cotton wool, ball-gag or something else that prevents me from speaking.

However....

One time some chap at my old school wound me up to the point that I finally did snap. All I can remember is that it started outside the main hall and ended when a teacher dragged me off of him, as I had him by both ears and was smashing the back of his head repeatedly into the top step of the long flight of concrete stairs that we must have somehow ended up fighting up.

Talk about red mist desending. I'd totally lost it to the point that I felt nothing, remembered nothing and if it wasn't for the interjection of that kindley teacher I probably would have ended up as the youngest murderer the UK has ever known.

Suffice to say I never got into a fight again, just in case.
( Yamon Benny Harvey. RIP., Wed 15 Mar 2006, 0:36, Reply)

This still makes me incredibly pissed off and annoyed
May have related this tale before, but I managed to get into one of the shortest fights ever at my school simply by asking if I could use the form class computer, which I needed to print out something academic. Cue class computer nerd refusing to let me off it until he finished reading about these new fangled external CD-burners. Then cue me getting annoyed and tapping him on the head with a metre stick to indicate that I was annoyed.
Cue him taking the metre stick off me and twatting me over the head with it.

Slight overeaction I thought.

Apparently (I don't remember this bit) I then shouted at him and tried to push him against the wall before blood started spurting out of my head in a scene that would have resembled a crudely drawn cock in sillouete. Good thing too, I was later told, or else he'd have beaten the crap out of me.

Then when I was running down the stairs leaving a trail of gore in my wake one of the stupider girls at my school (a private school so that takes some beating) asked me if I was alright, so I bled on her. I was then fixed up with a plaster that resembled a teabag and was dubbed 'Nambarrie' after I got back, and was also told that I had helped provoke the incident.

Like many people here, at least I can take heart by knowing that Danny is now probably sitting in front of his computer on his own reading some incredibly geeky websi-

Fucksocks.
(thePontificator, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 0:15, Reply)

This still makes me feel ashamed
I never really got into any fights, as if anyone ever tried to hit me I usually just let it happen and wait til it was finished, whilst making some snyde comment.

Like the twat that I was obviously. But occasionally the red mist did come down, like the time I got pissed off at Dougie in 1st year and hit him around the head a bit, which eventually became embellished in the tale so 'Dougie got the shit kicked out of him by Beano'.

The really bad one was when Fraser 'Boniest Man Alive' Creevy talled Tarun that I'd been calling his Mum a whore. Tarun is a nice guy but has horrifically strict parents and the shortest fuse known to man so is incredibly easy to wind up this way. He just kept running at me for the whole of games and I just kept standing to the side and tripping him up every time. It was embarrassing.

Then, having done this for nearly 2 hours, in the changing rooms he squared up to me and challenged me to a fight the next morning.

Him being quite short and me being quite tall, I said 'Nah, let's do it now' and promptly slammed his head into my upwardly mobile knee, before getting changed and heading off to catch the train.

It was a really humourless situation, so if you vote for this or read this and life, I'll fuckin' square G the lot of you.
(thePontificator, Wed 15 Mar 2006, 0:07, Reply)

OOo remebered another one
These kids from a couple of years below me (I as easy fodder to any potential bully, fat, briany, badly dressed, I could go on..) decided that they would call me names for 13 yr old shits and giggles. The ring leader, lets be devils and call him billy, was a little shit and deserved a beating anyway. His friend just stood there, laughing and not saying much. But generally I ignored them.

Unitll it all started to piss me off.

ONe break time they'd follwed my round the entire building with the usual imaginitive insults til I snapped. Instaed of taking it out on the Billy i took hold of his mate (lets call him dave). I remember grabbing him by neck, pushing him up against a wall and holding a lighter to his face. I politly informed him that if Billy ever said anything to me ever again I would take it out on him, Dave. Child promtly promised to stop his bastard of a mate and I like to think he wet himself.

But it worked. Shockingly. However thanks to karma i have a scar on my thumb from where the lighter burnt me from holding it too long.
(elegoo Huh?, Tue 14 Mar 2006, 22:41, Reply)

Mid to High Level BadBwai in my year is picking on my mate....
....i was in my vigilante mode and marched up to him and told him to leave him alone, after much talk we agree that afterschool in the jungle (small area of trees and foliage at the far end of the football field with enough cover for cigarettes/drinking/soft drugs/snogging/fingering/shagging etc). After a terrifying school day that dragged on like pergatory i found myself shaking as i walked across the gravel toward the jungle, as i get there he's already waiting, looking more scared than i was which gave me hope. I stepped up into the circle of about 50 kids who turned up for the fight. I raise my fist in a boxing stance and POW! out of nowhere i get belted right in the jaw. After i came out of shock i saw him stood there looking at me in disbelief and then came the red mist.
I Flew at him all guns blazing, must have landed about 6 blows to his head before he dropped. I wanted out of there, now! I turned away immediately and marched toward the gate, heart pounding in my chest when out of nowhere i feel a kick in my back and the kerb flying up toward my face. After much kicking of the head and begging for mercy I ended up with a nemesis for the rest of my life and a bit more respect because everyone said I had the better of the fight and he was a shithead for kicking me when my back was turned. I lost the battle but won the war. Last time i saw that cunt he was working in a second hand shop and im in a high paying job for a prestige car company. Two - Nil,Two - Nil,Two - Nil,Two - Nil,Two - Nil,Two - Nil,Two - Niiiiil........
(TheUnf0rg1ven AKA Pol Pot AKA Osama Bin Laden AKA C0UN7Z3R0, Tue 14 Mar 2006, 22:34, Reply)

Same as a few of you...
I was a fatty at school and got picked on for it by the hilarious chavs that my class was cursed with. It went on for four long years till one day in afternoon registration i snapped.

Oooooo the red mist! I singled one of them, the most obnoxious and chavvy of them, out and began punching him in the face. Being a 14 yr old girl i wasn't a good punch. However I am a great with a shoe. I pulled off my school shoe (nice hard things) and began hitting him about the face with it. All the while our tutor and his friends just stood watched.

I got bored and walked off, fearing the worst. you know what I got? Nothing! Fantastic! HE got a blackeye and a minor head wound. Ah good days...
(elegoo Huh?, Tue 14 Mar 2006, 22:22, Reply)