This QOTW is shit!
That's what everyone does right? I just wanted to follow the crowd!
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 0:27, Reply)

have you
accepted a kitten as your personal saviour?


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 0:19, 3 replies)

repost
My friend tells me that he was the *only* boy who was circumcised in his high school in rural Appalachia. The other boys had never heard of the concept, and everyone thought he'd been in an accident - which naturally grew into a rumour that his whole penis had been cut off in an accident. So he was completely humiliated in the first couple of years, but in the final years as people started to become sexually active he had a certain rarity/curiosity value. He actually wrote a song about his experiences, which became pretty famous: 'The Rare Old Mountain Jew.'
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 0:15, Reply)

In Japan, apparently,
Mormon missionaries are considered suave and sexy.

There's no pun or anything, this is really true. Apparently they like a very bland, clean-cut look.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 0:13, 2 replies)

Looks Like I Won't Be Hanging Out With The Cool Kids This Week

Seems like I'm in a minority on this QOTW because I *do* believe in God. But my understanding of God is very different to accepted religions and conventional faiths.

Yes, God exists, and no, he doesn't give a stuff about you. He doesn't care if you pray to Him and he certainly doesn't listen. He doesn't keep a tally of all the good and bad things you do and there is no Heaven (at least in the accepted sense) and there is no Hell.

God is the prime mover behind the creation of the universes. He's the original force, the primal spark. He was the big bang and he is the structure that underpins everything.

He just doesn't care about us. At least, no more than he cares about an ant, or a microbe or an atom of hydrogen. We are as nothing to Him.

There's no point worshiping him as it doesn't make a scrap of difference to how you'll be treated and doesn't affect what will happen after your death.

Marveling at his creation and trying to ferret out His secrets through philosophy and science are OK though. Still won't change how you'll be treated but it's great fun and will teach you many things about how everything hangs together. Things you can then use to improve your own life.


I see God everywhere but he's probably just my God which makes me a little special.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 23:58, 9 replies)

Altar puddles
For reasons I've never completely understood, me and a few of my mates ended up as altar boys when we were at primary school.

I have no tales of being molested by any priest, but one day me and my mate Dave had been enlisted to help "train up" another lad. Midway through we're sat there on the altar during some groany, mumbled god shit. Bored shitless, Dave started humming. Dead quiet at first, but progressively louder and louder. Encouraged by the lack of reaction to this, I joined in.

Such were the acoustics of the church, it wasn't immediately obvious to anyone where the sound was coming from, but the priest was on to us, and although we remained straightfaced and closed-mouthed, he kept shooting us shitty looks. The lad we were showing the ropes to, Phil, was sat in between us, sitting back so no-one in the congregation could see his face, doing that quiet rocking laugh that some people do when they're starting to lose it. He was so quiet it took me a while to notice he was laughing at all, but by the time I did, his face was purple.

That was it, then - game on. Dave started making weird chirping noises, and I parped up with a sneeze that sounded like a high pitched "Pheeeeeeeeeeellll". He was in serious trouble, and was hitting us both in the side under his cassock trying to get us to stop, but by now he was so crippled with laughter that it just made us do it more.

The clincher was when Dave slyly turned and quietly said in his best demonic voice "GOD GOD GODDY GODDY GOD GOD".

"Stoppit...stoppit...no...no...nooooo..."

And then there was water. He'd been laughing so hard he pissed himself. Straight through his clothes, straight through his cassock, huge puddle on the floor of the altar.

By now some of the people at the front could tell something was going on, and me and Dave just went completely. I laughed so hard I nearly fell in the puddle of piss. He was absolutely mortified, but unfortunately for him, he had to sit in pissy kecks for another half hour.

Take it from me though, bollockings are so much more surreal coming from a man in a dress waving a bible for emphasis.
(dandelionburdock, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 23:54, 1 reply)

I am the anti-Jesus
I can turn wine into water.

Oh alright, urine. Pedants.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Mar 2009, 23:36, Reply)

Ah the wonders of spending your life in the middle of the bible belt of the American South
I have partaken in enough religions to choke a small cat.*

I started life with an Episcopalian mother and a Church of Christ dad. Then came Catholic school. There is nothing like the fear of a big lady dressed head to foot in black whilst sporting a huge fecking cross on a heavy chain to make a little nipper learn to read really fast.

Along came a Catholic step-father, so at least there was a bit of continuity there.

In my teen years, it was the Baptists that held my interest. Ok, so one particular Baptist. But frankly, virgin geeks are great at that age because they are so eager to please.

But through the years I have developed my own set of beliefs. I believe that all the different religions and gods over the centuries have all been ways of explaining the mysteries of life. Why do we fall in love? Ah, that would be because of Aphrodite or Cupid. How do we find inner peace in a chaotic world? Buddha will guide you. What about the simplicity of just being nice to people? Check out Jesus.

Religion was important for many centuries not just to give us explanations for the unexplained, but to also give us hope. Now we have discovered new things to believe in, new things to explain the wonders of the world: science and technology. We study genes and microbes the way our ancestors studied the writings of prophets.

I believe there is a way to balance the wonders of science with the old beliefs of being kind to strangers, friends, families and ourselves. I believe hope for a better future energizes us to act toward becoming better people. I believe you can call a deity whatever the hell you want, it all boils down to hope and faith. I believe the meaning of life lies in the idea that the deity of your choice just wants you to have a good time, be happy, and be nice.

I also believe that there has always been those who carry things to far and there always will be.....that is just human nature. However, the fundies really have made huge strides in ruining religion for the rest of us.


So, go ahead and flame me if you like. I'm not out to change anyone's mind or tell them what they believe is wrong. I think faith is a personal thing and a thing about which everyone must make their own decisions.


*Only a small cat since there really weren't all that many different religions in my life. However, for where I live, it would be considered a boatload since I had more than 1
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 19 Mar 2009, 23:25, Reply)

Did someone say my name?

(dxg, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 23:16, Reply)

God is dead

(Posh Git Is considerably richer than yaaaaaow, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 23:06, 2 replies)

Pityfully poor but, the time when...
...some Jehovahs Witness' children transferred to our school.
Cue the joke that I've only ever been able to use once....

Knock Knock?

Who's there?

Your mum and dad.
( fr13day has everything required to be a Penguin, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:58, 4 replies)

Not religious myself...
But I come from a very religious family and they are the nicest, most genuine people I know. They don't try and force their beliefs on me, they instead let me decide for myself. Even if what they believe turns out to be a load of rubbish at least they lived a great life.

That said, unfortunately my family seem to be a tiny percentage of the religious community and can understand why alot of people hate Christians!

Apologies for lack of humour...
(yousuckattheinternet, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:52, 1 reply)

Sometimes I hate my dyslexia
And my insomnia.

Was up all night yesterday wondering if there was a dog.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:49, 2 replies)

My descent into atheism
As a small child, I attended a C of E primary school where we sang hymns, prayed and got dragged up to church every now and then. The God stuff seeped in, and so, like most kids at faith schools, I was a good little bible-basher.

Until the tender age of nine, when I first began to question the whole Christianity shebang. It started with a cartoon featuring zombies.

I could see no way Jesus differed from the undead freaks.

Still can't, actually. So if I ever see Jesus, I have my flamethrower and I'm ready.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:33, 3 replies)

I've never seen a Jehovah's Witness
or anyone like that come to my door, therefore I don't believe in them!
(deadly_sinners, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:33, Reply)

Knocky Knocky
A good friend of mine was working nights and hence nicely stoned at about 10am in the morning. Setting the scene, he had a porn star tash, nasty long hair and was wearing his dressing gown and boxers (ready for a hard days sleep). Anyhow, there's a knock on the door and its the Jehovas witness or other door knocking paedo at the door. He opens the door and the man begins with something like "Do you believe that technology has caused the death of god?" Matey boy replies "I DONT BELIEVE IN DEATH I AM BECOME DEATH, please come in and have a cuppa". They didnt.
(yog sokkoth Murdering Hitch-Hikers since 1986, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:33, Reply)

Free Mormon Junction
Free stuff? Yes please. Let's have shower gel, free photo prints, moisturisers...
Free book about Jesus? No thanks, let's send it to my sister instead, that can't hurt.
The book turned up, but not in the post. It was hand-delivered by two smiling Mormons very keen to chat to my sister about her newfound interest in Jesus. We told them she wasn't in.
They arrived again. No, she's still not in.
And again. No thanks. Just no.
And again.
It was about a year before my dad had to quietly tell them that my sister is a godless heathen with no interest whatsoever.
(and now for someone completely different, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:08, Reply)

I looked into the eyes of god...
....and all I saw there was a reflection of me




*sniffs*
( Signify, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:07, 1 reply)

Mormon Drive-By
One lovely Sunday afternoon I was having a walk when a car pulled up next to me and wound down it's window. Thinking that they were after directions, I moved towards them. As soon as I was close enough, I noticed that there were two young men dressed very tidily who also happened to have nametags.

My heart sank.

"Hey man, how's it going?" This guy had more enthusiastic energy than a million informercial hosts.

"Pretty good, just out for a walk" (FuckofffuckoffFUCKOFF)

"Cool, cool. What are you listening to there?"

"Uh, Beastie Boys."

He considered this. "Hmmm, funky!" I wish I could convey how hilarious he looked and sounded when he said this.

He then moved onto the usual "Have you accepted Jesus into your life?" bullcrap (for the curious, I'm an agnostic, mainly because I don't like organised religion, but each to their own) while his friend, the driver, just sat there with a huge, insipid Guy Smiley grin.

My usual response to guys like this is to walk away, so I did. The cheeky shits crawled behind me in the car for a few minutes, trying to get my attention. They gave up when they realised they'd worn out their welcome, but it still left me feeling a bit odd.

Is nowhere safe from this simpering idiots?
(ElGranto, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:06, 3 replies)

this weeks qotw
i was with a couple i know in london (red a huge irish guy) hes about 7 foot tall and has black hair to his knees and (lexi his missus) an american he met while in japan (their in a band together)and we were sat on a park bench chatting away minding our business when two of these idiot preachers walked up to us and started barking about jesus now bare in mind red and lexi are both very atheist (as am i) so they both stand up and start doing grindcore vocals with me drumming on the bench like a mad bastard. red and lexi being in a band they have both experience and very powerful lungs so they can make a good racket after about 40 seconds of this the preachers turn kinda white and ran the other way and we even got a cheer from a group of goths standing not far away good day that.

secondly i was at my mates with my ex Jasmine we were all quite stoned at this point and then comes the dreaded knock at the door two pricks in red suits clutching some sort of word of god so i answered the door and they must of smelled the ganj cus they started on about the evils of smoking and drugs (well it was before 4:20) so i just started laughing they didnt really like that so i said "stop trying to peddle your prurient filth to a bunch of militant atheists who are lightly to get angry very soon now fuck off and let us smoke you pair of useless bastards" just then with epic timing funeralopolis by electric wizard kicked into the heavy bit and Jasmine grabs me from behind ive got time to shut the door before i was dragged back to the sofa.
(imgunnabesick rawr ^ \_/ ^, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 22:01, 8 replies)

touched by the hand of god
i woke up in a vicarage once receiving a particularly pleasurable and vigorous bumming.

only realised where i was on the way out.
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Corrupting, and avoiding being corrupted
It all began when I was a little roadie and my primary school had religious instruction lessons once a week, taken by the mother of one of the kids in class. The woman was a pious, earnest type, long, unkempt hair, no makeup, very modest clothes, that sort of thing. As was the case with many of these sorts of lessons, it was exclusively Christian teachings we were handed - no mention of other religions.
My atheist mother quickly cottoned onto this - I was happy enough either way, since as a kid you just want to do what all the other kids are doing - but dear old Mum took me aside and gave me one of the best pieces of advice you could probably give to kids who don't care one way or the other.
"The thing with Mrs Spencer is, if you don't understand something or it doesn't sound right to you, keep asking questions until you get an answer you're happy with."
I tried this approach and was gently told I was too young to understand, but "things will become clearer when God wants them to."

It all came to a head when I awoke screaming in the night, having had a nightmare about the crucifixion - Mum tells me I was hysterical saying "They nailed Jesus to the cross and it hurt and He was bleeding and everyone hated Him and His Dad was watching and didn't even help Him!"

I was dragged out of religious instruction quick smart, which was brilliant because I got to sit in the library and read Willard Price books. However, that didn't save me from Mrs Spencer, who cornered me at every opportunity to tell me that God loved me anyway and "as you get older, you'll realise that your parents aren't always right" to which smart little prick me replied "You're a parent, are you wrong too?" which garnered me a patronising pat on the head and "Remember, I'm just doing God's work." Little roadie didn't know when to keep his mouth shut, so blurts "Why can't he do it, or is he just lazy?"

Ah, kids.

Scroll forward several years, during which time religion never played a significant part in my life, aside from the time when a teenaged roadie invited the JoHos inside because I was (and still am) shit at saying no to things.

Eventually roadie is in his early 20s, living in Scotland with his gorgeous, petite, loving and generally fantastic wee Scots girlfriend. Only trouble was, wee Jo was a fairly committed Christian, doing Lent and off to church most Sundays. Her sister was one of the *really* hardcore types, setting aside "quiet time" several times a day so she could read her Bible. A memorable argument with her went thus:

"We went across to Skye the other weekend, it's brilliant they've put that bridge in, means more people can get across and appreciate it."
"I think the bridge is a bad idea, if God had meant Skye to be joined up with the mainland He'd have designed it that way."
"God isn't responsible for plate tectonics!"
"Yes He is!"
"So He caused the Boxing Day tsunami, then?"

I digress.

I was dragged to church (of Scotland) on Christmas Eve, where instead of the traditional Christmas message about love and family and all that, I was treated to 45 minutes of guilt about not sinning in the coming year and other such shite. Christmas Day was the most staid, boring fucking affair I've ever endured - one present each, one bottle of wine on the table (between five of us), grace before the meal (and as the special guest, that was MY job!). I remember mumbling something about "how special it was to be among friends at this time of year" and that was about it.

As the relationship deteriorated, my sneaky goal for the weekend was always to have wee Jo impaled on me (important she was on top, you see, as it's way more wanton) at or around 10am on Sundays, just when the rest of her family was heading into church. Bonus points were available if I could have her in a 69 - her conservative mother would have absolutely had kittens if she knew her angel daughter had her mouth stuffed full while being pleasured orally by some Godless atheist who was all set to steal her little treasure away to New Zealand where she'd never be seen again.

It was the little things like that which kept me sane through the death throes of the relationship...and no doubt ensured her ticket to Hull, hopefully in the seat next to mine!

Length...well, she fucking loved it, the little slut...:O
(dhroadie, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 21:31, Reply)

Ho Hum
A friend of mine did a masters degree in the USA. He is a rather irreligious fellow from Iran (to the extent that during Ramadan he lays off whisky and bacon and switches to light beer and ham).

Anyhoo, over there one of his friends was an Italian-American guy from a large and religious family. This guy was religious too, but as I understand it in a more relaxed manner. I shall call him Frank.

Frank started dating a Japanese exchange student, whom I shall call Noriko.

Noriko had never left Japan before and was a little puzzled by certain aspects of Anglo-Saxon civilisation. She asked numerous questions on politics, economics, culture and, naturally, religion. More specifically, who was this Jesus guy and why was he so important to Frank.

Frank explained that Jesus was the son of God and had come to the earth to save mankind from all sin. So far, so good for the long haired zombie. Noriko took this on board and the day continued.

That night Frank and Noriko retired to his bedchamber for a menage a duex. Much firtyfookling ensued and resulted in Noriko, naked, on all fours being exuberantly shafted by Frank's pee-pee.

Frank was putting all his energy into it, grinding his hips, admiring the way her long black hair fell over the creamy skin on her back, listening with mounting joy to the moans and groans of Noriko as she was brought to an apex of pleasure.

At this point, according to Frank, Noriko turned her head and, in an orgasmic bellow, shouted "I am your Jesus!".

Frank fell off the saddle. He lay there laughing as Noriko, still on all fours looked at him in puzzlement. He was apparently unable to finish and had a lot more explaining to do.

Length, height, width etc... see the King James Bible.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 21:24, Reply)

We are one body
After this: www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post226170
one might think I would have a genuine reason to hate God.

But, as with many of these sort of things, I don't. God had, as far as I'm concerned, very little to do with the horrors I've experienced at the hands of the Church.

I've come the basic conclusion that Christianity is nothing but a vehicle for egos. Egos of people who would otherwise be either swept under the carpet or just swallowed up in life's interminable rat race.

There are several kinds of people in the church. Allow me...

Firstly, we have the do-gooder. You know the type, usually called Edith. She or he bends over backwards to help you, smiles consistently with a grin that would make a pillhead blush, always says 'Hiiiiiii', makes meaningless smalltalk about nothing in particular, and even when something horrific is mentioned, keeps the same smile on their face. They always end up stepping on someone's toes/fucking up someone's life with their 'I thought it seemed like the best thing to do at the time/I thought the minister should know' attitude. They also may or may not be responsible for the hideous slogans on the billboards in front of the church.

Then we have the gossip. They are similar to the do-gooder, in that they have the same superficial and perma-gurning expression, but they have a more sinister motive. To them, prayer meetings are not there to help and (heaven forbid) pray for those in need, but rather to prise the latest morsel of gossip from the unsuspecting do-gooder, who usually has the task of imparting the knowledge in the first place. Afterwards, should you be unfortunate enough to be the subject of such a revelation, people come up to you and gently pat your back, with a knowing and slightly concerned smile. The gossip will never miss a social event, and will give the impression of being engrossed in the Bible (in reality they couldn't find the book of Genesis) while at the same time mentally noting every last titbit of conversation.

The Over-Enthusiastic Youth Worker. Usually in their late thirties, mainly unmarried, often gangly women who wear green pullovers and tracksuit bottoms, and have hair like Sandi Toksvig. Always rallying the troops with non-descript phrases about how great God is, or how much 'community we have together'. Jumps up and down in a star-like fashion whenever a lively praise song or hymn is played. Nausaeating if exposed to for more than five minutes at a time, but ultimately ends up running the summer-long youth club 'extravaganza'. Will end up doing equally as saccharine videos for the God channel in later life.

The Creepy Old Man. Every church has one of these. You know the type. Clean shaven, late fifties early sixties. Talks softly and deliberately. Shirt is unbuttoned one or two buttons lower than usual. Known throughout the Church as having a 'calling for kids work' (read: massive erection when the children sit on his knee). Usually an old friend of the Minister himself, probably knows something unsavoury about him, so there is an element of emotional blackmail. Probably responsible for hundreds of ruined lives, a few drug addictions and even the odd suicide, due to his propensity for offering 'pastoral support'. Probably married, just to throw any doubters off the scent.

The 'victim'. There's always someone whose 'life of sin' almost led them to 'Hell' but 'Jesus saved them'. They are the first ones up the front whenever prayer is offered, and they invariably cry in front of everyone, thanking the Lord for rescuing them from a sea of depression. May have a beard/dreadlocks. In reality are in need of psychiatric help and medication, but no, Jesus is stronger than drugs! More often than not they die alone, the last meaningful years of their life spent living a lie.

We've all seen them. The more I think about it, the more I realise Evangelical Christianity is a mental illness. I'm glad I'm out, but I fear the damage may be irreversable.

As for the other religions, I could go on a rant about how silly they all are, but, apart from Fundamentalist Islam and the kind that eats heads, they aren't that bad. Just take themselves quite seriously.

No apologies for length, 19 years enslaved to the clutches of those lot would be enough to drive anyone insane.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 21:24, 3 replies)

What I don't understand...
are those people who feel the need to spend all day standing on crowded street corners, yelling at people, telling them they are going to hell.

They clearly haven't thought through their strategy. What exactly are they trying to achieve?

Who, in their right mind is going to think to themselves: "Well that's a nice, well-rounded individual and I would like to know him better. His ideas sound reasonable, and if all churchgoers are as approachable as him I must start attending on a regular basis".

Nobody. That's who.
( grey matter, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 21:02, Reply)

Couple of Jehovahs came round the other day
I was in the middle of something, so invited them into the kitchen without really thinking.

"Sorry, be with you in a minute" I said, and carried on stuffing the washing machine full of grundies and socks, before finishing the dishes.

"Tea"? I asked. "Or you could have coffee".

Tea it was.

"There", I said, placing the mugs on the table. "Sugar"?

They nodded, and I passed them the sugar bowl.

"Now then", said I, "What can I do for you"?

There was a slightly embarrassed pause as they looked at each other. Then one of them spoke.

"Erm, we're not sure. We've never got this far before".

Thank you very much. Pier. Etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Mar 2009, 20:56, 7 replies)

Bloody JW's
They called round my house one Sunday morning when I was nursing a hangover. I should've known better than to open the door, as I could see already see their inane smiles through the spy hole in the door.

JW's: "Do you think there will ever be peace in the world?"

Me: "You're JW's, aren't you?"

JW's: "Yes"

Me: "sorry, not interested" *Starts to close door*

JW: "Would you mind telling me why you feel that way?"

Me: "Yes, I would mind. You come round to my house without invitation and now you think I owe you an explanation? Sod off now!" *Closes door*

Never heard from them again.
(lolwhites, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 20:51, Reply)

Cuddly Jesus
6 years old. Nativity play for the school.

Having the ability to SPEAK REALLY LOUDLY but nothing else, (not much has changed), I was the narrator.

One problem: they didn't have a doll for Jesus. I pondered over this for a bit.

"I've got a cuddly toy at home: I only live a minute walk away, I can get it and show you."

The teacher seemed to agree after some cajouling and I ran off out of the school through the bushes and then up the stairs to the flat where I lived. Arrived, clocked my mother who probably heard "sokmumgongejesus" as I ran into my box room, grabbed the doll and slammed the door back shut again.

I triumphantly turn up my cuddly toy in her yellow and black dress. The teacher's face looks a little pained.

"We can't use that"
"What? I know she's a girl. I can take the dress off. Jesus didn't come out with clothes on, so it'll be ok"
"Look, we can't use her. Sorry."
*Lip starts trembling*
I run off and cry, hugging my cuddly doll. I told her not to worry about the horrible lady, and that she could act a wonderful Jesus if allowed to.

I stagger home in tears. My mother notices the hyper gremlin is now upset and requiring hugs. Tears over, she asks me what happened.

She's not happy. She storms into my school demanding to know who this insensitive teacher was for a good talking to.

I sit and sulk for a bit, imagining all the nasty things my mother is saying to the mean teacher and grin.

My mother comes back a lot calmer. She asks to see the toy I brought with me.
"Sheep can't be Jesus"
*OH!* That's what they didn't like. Unfortunately I'd had a class about racism recently and thought I was wonderfully clever coming back with
"But she's a people sheep. People shouldn't be nasty because she's a sheep. That's wrong."
My mum's not impressed.

"Sheeps can't be Jesus."
"Why not?"
"Because Jesus was a man"
"But..."
She looked at me. I ponder this for a minute. I've been told by then that he's a ghost, wine, bread and a man. But he can't be a sheep. Fine. The world wins. Again.

Nebby eventually died 4 years later in the repeated floods of '94 caused by bath companionship duties. I learnt my lesson and bought a cuddly crab with my pocket money savings, as my logic at the time told me that crabs like water.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 20:46, 8 replies)

While at uni
We had a lovely Jehovah's Witness man who used to come around with their magazines. I think he knew I wasn't interested but he gave me the magazine anyway. The religion stuff wasn't interesting but I'm pretty sure they had recipes and gardening tips which was alright! (no crossword or sudoku though).

He kept coming back and giving me a new magazine each time until we moved out. He knew I wasn't interested but I think I must have been the only person on the estate who didn't tell him to fuck off.

Some other wierd dudes with american accents in suits came around trying to sell me some religion. I told them to go away. They freaked me out because they looked like something out of The Matrix.
( thistle, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 20:37, 2 replies)

Heaven?
Is leaving money for your kids to pay for diapers whilst you shit yourself in the nursing home*.

*At least I'll be shitting myself laughing....
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 20:30, Reply)