grand reveal
brace youself - it's a long one.

i have a mortal enemy. i may have mentioned him before. in my first year at uni, me and my roomie lived in the room opposite him. he was short, covered in a dense, matted layer of hair all over his body, acting as an insulator causing a foul B.O. stench of sour milk and garlic (caused by whatever foul thing he had cooked that day. he had no concept of personal space, was rude and lecherous, opinionated and psychotic. and, adding stereotype to injury, he was french.

i don't use the word 'hate' lightly. i hated him.

over the previous months, he had offended everyone i knew, hit on people in relationships, had a psychotic flip-out at my room mate followed by asking her to pose nude for him, tried to catch the girls coming out of the shower... you get the idea. enough was enough.

so, bit drunk in the corridor's kitchen one night, one of the lads suddenly leapt out of the window (bearing in mind, we were five stories up) began climbing along the precipice, and got into this guys room from his window. and let us all in... the plan being to have a rummage, and to get our own back in as many filthy ways as possible.

there were about eight of us, standing in this room, which had no personal effects whatsoever. nothing. it was genuinely frightening, but we were giggling, trying to get into the locked cabinet (why? no idea. we believed 'personal items' were involved. but why lock it in a locked room?), staring at the bare walls... until one of my friends, quietly but clearly says ' i think we need to leave'. something in his voice made us pile out of there sharp-quick.

what had he seen? a box by the bed, full to the brim of condoms. it was a pitiful and shameful sight, knowing full well this freakish, stinky creature was holding out such clear hope.

too far. and not in a fun way.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 11:56, Reply)

A big show of hands
One guy at Uni had the temerity to disagree with me when we were drunk, can you imagine?

When he was passed out, I crept into his room, glued the palms of his hands together and then glued the door of his room shut as I left.

I hear it took them about 3 hours to get him out the next day, red faced and tearful. Luckily, I'd had loads of Newcastle Brown so slept though with an untroubled conscience.
(csdaveuk, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 11:49, Reply)

Real life grave robbing
My mate, who shall remain nameless, and who I don't know if any of you lot grass me up, had a little problem with his mental health.
In order to help himself he thought that shooting up large amounts of speed into his veins would help him.
Obviously that didn't work so he became a rent boy. As he was straight.
Nope, still mad as a bucket of frogs.
Aha, I know, he thinks, I'll start to dabble with the black arts, paganism will sort me out!
So one night, whilst hammered, he went with his brother to a local graveyard, dug up a corpse, removed the head and put it in a bag.
Back home he had to boil the head to remove the flesh that was still on it, dry it out, and then he had a really nice candle holder.
That, my friends, is going too far.
100% Gadjietrufact
( gadjie, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 11:22, Reply)

yay
Picture the scene: some people are drunk.

Setting my mates nipple hair alight: fair.

Setting his snail trail alight: fair.

Setting his pubes on fire: fair.

Trying to set his anal beard on fire: possibly a bit much.

I didn't want to get too close with the lighter, so his ass locks remained intact.

Said mate sticking a match up his arse so I could light the end and let it burn down to the hair: now that was too far.

Thankfully, the match burned too far down aswell, and he let out a delightful yelp.
(Daveh, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 11:06, Reply)

my friend got his ex-girlfriend back...

...by re-enacting her favourite song, Dire Straits' "Romeo and Juliet" - the lyrics say "Juliet says hey Romeo, he nearly gimme a heart attack, he's underneath my window, singin' hey la, my boyfriend's back" - although actually he was underneath her window singing and playing 'Romeo and Juliet'.

When I broke up with my girlfriend I thought to myself, that's a brilliant idea.

Obviously my ex's favourite song wasn't the same one, hers was by Dexy's Midnight Runners. Eileen seemed to enjoy herself, but my ex didn't find it that romantic.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 10:41, Reply)

Me dad is a legend with the Jehova's
They openly tell thier pack to avoid our place like the plague...reminds me of a saying from Half-Life 2 - "We don't go there anymore....."

Me dad was drunk one night. I was a nipper, and daddy was drunk off his cider, and enjoying something on the telly. With that, there was the ever-dreaded knock on the front door. He gets up and is greeted with a Jehova's witness with his young daughter (she was about 8'ish), standing at the door.

He kept them there for about an hour in total; asking them questions on anything. The JW was getting nervous about this, and was trying to remain as polite as possible while trying to edge away. At one point, our dog ran out and made a fuss over the JW. The JW smiled and asked what's the dogs name.
"Satan" answered me dad, just as the dog jumped up, wagging his tail.
"Down satan..." was uttered by the JW, much to my dad's delight.

Me dad did start to take this a bit far though, as he started talking to the 8 year old about if she enjoyed Christmas as much as the normal kids, and if she needed a blood transfusion after any kind of accident she'd be left to die. The JW made his excuses and left. No wonder they don't visit him anymore.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 9:58, Reply)

Catchag's post reminds me of this film....
Classic "Mac-n-Me" post btw, funny as feck :D

www.imdb.com/title/tt0096087/ - "Blue Jean Cop", also known as "Shakedown"....anyone seen this? It reminds me of this QOTW perfectly...

It starts off in New York, to do with a lawyer being hired to work a case, and a load of dirty cops doing thier best to kill him, with one rough undercover cop protecting him. Considering that it was made back in '88, it was repeated on Channel 5 about six months back, and for the majority of it I was actually really enjoying it.
After about an hour and a half, it's getting close to the end and the lawyer'n'cop combo work out that the main player in this making a run for it for his private jet.

It's at this point that I realise the director must have been spiked.

The undercover cop picks up the lawyer in a cherry-red sports car (I think it was a Porshe). Considering this cop was meant to be the only decent cop there, I was like "how the fuck does he have one of those?". They burn it down the freeway to this airport, where you see the corrupt officer and his goons in his private jet leaning out of the plane door shooting at them. The cop surfs on the front of the car while killing the goons, and the car accelerates upto the open plane door (while the plane starts trying to take off). The cop leaps onto the plane and it takes off. You then see the shittest special effect ever of the plane flying past the Statue of Liberty, while this copper hangs with one hand out of the plane. With his other hand, he pulls out a GRENADE, pulls the key out with his mouth, chucks it in the plane and drops about 500 foot into the water, while the plane blows up in a terrible fashion. He swims out of the water and ends up right beside the lawyer, who are both hopping up and down shouting stuff like "Fuck yeah!" and looking all manly.

The credits come on, and I'm sitting there gobsmacked. They'd kept the film enticing but the director just went too far. Seriously, any budding directors out there should watch this film, it's a fucking education.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 9:43, Reply)

unintentionally went way too far....
my friend joanna is lovely but she is very very dappy. she should not be allowed to tell jokes or to talk to people she does not know.

anyway, a few days ago i happened to tell joanna one of the worst jokes i'd ever seen (courtesy of "world's sickest joke" QOTW i might add):

q: what word beginning with n and ending in r should you never call a black person?

a: neighbour

so jo is very drunk a few nights later and goes out on the pull. for some reason, hammered out of her face, she decides to tell the joke to the guy she was chatting up. unfortunately for jo, she slurred:

"what word beginning with n and ending with r should you never live next door to?"

that's not a sick joke, that's just a racial slur..... she then proceeded to repeat what i'd told her about bagpiping and tromboning. the bloke excused himself and never came back.

not sure where it went too far, but somewhere along those lines!




EDIT: i am not in any way racist, but i do find off-colour jokes funny, whether they're about colour, sex, religion...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 9:42, Reply)

Used to work in a pub
and a few of us were randomly spiking people who we didn't like with liquid laxatives; quite potent stuff actually. Could blow an arse off in 20 paces. Real nasty stuff. It was a real bastard too as it was colourless, tastless and odourless. The perfect weapon.

Two of the other barmen (well one barman and the assistant manager) had been using this stuff for a laugh on the arseholes of the pub; but thier main target was one of the doormen, who'd been randomly laying out wind-up beatings to the assistant manager. The doorman had heard about this, and was well wary about anything they did. So they had a plan. They spiked a pint glass with this ready, and hid it under the bar which I was working on.

Up comes the psycho doorman this friday night to my bar, and he spies that I'm talking to these laxative-spikers.
"You two fuckers aren't getting me a drink, I've heard about you two. Jeccy, mine's a pint." It sure was. Scooped up the spiked glass and filled it right in front of him, much to the other two's delight. He takes it away smiling at them, and as soon as he left the bar they were beaming like cheshire cats.

On monday he walked in, looking completely sheepish and wondering how the other two had indeed spiked him, when it was me all along :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 8:52, Reply)

Mac & Me
In hindsight, my manager's decision to sack me was going too far...

It was the kids summer holidays, I was working at a local cinema and having to police the destructive little shits during matinee showings.

Mac & Me was showing for matinee, it's a cheap E.T. clone employing one of the most questionable plots in kids film history: 'cute' alien family (Whistling Pobs - Cheers Jeccy) hoovered up by space probe and returned to earth where their youngest befriends a sad wheelchair bound kid called Eric and they go on their secret adventures trying to avoid the authorities....

It culminates with the alien family stealing the hand cannon from a 24/7 shop security guard and bimbling over a petrol station forecourt whilst the then attending police shoot at them.

Eric in distress wheels himself after them screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" - before he and his wheelchair are disintegrated by the fuel explosion.

It was possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen and I fucking lost it - I was howling with laughter, my sides aches and I staggered out of the theatre and missed the credits. The younger kids in the cinema were in bits, besides themselves with their mothers trying to console them - an upset apparently made worse by me openly laughing my guts out at Eric's demise

The complaints came in and my manager didn't see the funny side, especially as it brought the entire incident back into my mind and I started giggling insanely again about the "Vegetable getting blown up"
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Tue 14 Nov 2006, 8:42, Reply)

Work Experience boy in one of me old jobs....
..in this old computer shop where I used to work, we had become semi-famous in the area for being a bunch of right wind-up merchants. The customers would come by the dozen to watch us take the mick of anything, which if anything was great for business too, so the management if anything promoted it. It did go a bit too far one day though...

We had a kid who used to be one of my neighbours (we'll call him "D"). Nice enough kid, was turning 16 and wanted to do work experience with us. I did warn him beforehand what we were like, but he still wanted to come. Oh god, I wish he listened. After two weeks we had;

1 - sent him on any chore imaginable, real or fake (including going to a chemist and asking the old woman there for the really big suppositories).
2 - had him hoovering anything, ceilings included.
3 - making phonecalls to imaginary customers, who were in fact us ripping the piss into him.
4 - locked him in the shop display window and stuck a sign to the outside of it saying "Please do not feed the animals" and left him there for 1/2 an hour.
5 - this was the worst. The works toilet had a bolt on the OUTSIDE for no real reason, and we bolted him in. This toilet was approximately 20 yards into the back of the building, and we could hear him screaming from the shop floor. So could the customers. After 3/4's of an hour, I opened the door and he came out purple. He'd obviously been crying his eyes out too, and grabbed his coat and went home. I called around his house that night to see if he was ok, and found out he was highly claustrophobic and needed to rest. Oh fuck. It took an hour of grovelling to sort that out.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 8:03, Reply)

Her hair was so silky and shiny...
On a failed PhD attempt in the US, I lived with a girl who was sleeping with our married supervisor. He let her steal my mate's research, ruining his first year and his PhD thesis. When she was off on fieldwork with said professor (i.e. romantic break in Mexico with the twunt), I moved out.

On my last night in the flat my mate, his girlfriend and his dog came round. I'd been peeing in her shampoo all week. He grabbed her pump-action hairspray and peed in that. Then we took the dog into the kitchen and gave him all her glasses and mugs to lick. Next, we played a rough and tumble game with the dog on her bed. The grand finale was to go back to the bathroom and clean the dog's teeth with her electric toothbrush.

We possibly went too far when we took ALL the replacement heads and cleaned the dog's teeth with them too. She was probably using those heads for a year afterwards.

Yes it's long but I'm new.
(Mrs Lawofnations, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 7:24, Reply)

Revenge :)
Once lived with a bunch of people, one of whom was a thieving, lying twunt bag called Jason, whilst the rest were absolutely lovely people.

Anyhoo, I one day discovered that Jason had some how managed to get into my room and steal some of my p0rn. This would mean somehow getting passed my locked door and rooting through my cupboards. In other words snooping through my private stuff. If he'd have only asked, I'd have quite happily give him the damn things...

Anyhoo, I digress. I confronted him and he denied it even though two other housemates had heard him clattering about in my room and had seen him emerge. So, he lied to me aswell.

Well, Revenge was the only answer. I wasn't going to steal anything of his, but I wanted him to know exactly what it felt like to know that someone had gone through his stuff. So, a week or so later, when he went to work, me and a an accomplice who I can only call 'D', sneaked into his ground floor room through an unlocked window.

We had about eight hours to do as we pleased. So, we re-arranged ALL his furniture upside down, turned everything from his bed, his wardrobe, his cupboards, posters, pictures, ornaments, hamster cage, EVERYTHING upside down. We stapled his clothes to his wall, sellotaped a whole corner of the room and stuck random objects into the sticky strands, we basically totally discombobulated everything... Then we left and proceeded to get drunk in my room.

Hours later, we heard him arrive home from work and open his door. There was a few seconds of absolute silence and then utter rage. He proceeded to destroy his own room, cutting his hand open on a glass picture frame as he punched the wall...

Needless to say me and 'D' were in absolute hysterics, but the type were you dare not make a sound, our sides were splitting and we were choking and laughing in silence (in case he heard us).

Serves the lying, thieving twunt right though.


Length? Sometimes I can make it SIX FEET LONG!

If I fold it in half...
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 2:35, Reply)

That bit too far...
Got picked on a bit as a young skinny kid. One day enough was enough and one lad in the class room decided he'd give me a bit of grief whilst the teacher nipped out of the room. He poked me with a pen and punched me hard on the arm... I must have had a bad day, because the next thing he's lying on the floor with a busted nose and mouth and a loose tooth and I've got a wooden stool in my hand...

The whole class went silent and he nobody grassed me in, the lad said he'd fallen off his chair and nobody picked on me again.*

*until senior school that is. But that's a different story.

- INSERT LENGTH JOKE HERE
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 2:23, Reply)

.
i knew i was going to far when i did this
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 1:53, Reply)

We were young and foolish....or is that just sadistic.
A long time ago, we're off on one of those army cadet camps. A few of us are left to entertain ourselves for an afternoon, so we set up an escape and evasion exercise. Two lads, Rob & John do the evading, the rest of us do the catching. It was a set up to get some revenge on John for some imagined and exagerated slight. Rob was in on the joke. We caught John pretty easily since Rob had told us where they were gonna hide.
John got dragged off to an orchard, it was a pleasant spot as I remember. Birds sung, the sun shone things were all a bit relaxed, then someone got the idea of interrogating him. He didn't know anything, and there wasn't anything to know, but torture suggested itself. John, who I should explain, is and was my mate, got on the recieving end of some nasty 'lord of the flies' type behaviour. I seem to remember that heating bricks over an open fire and then dropping them from some height onto his stomach was the order of the day. After about thirty minute of this I went of for a smoke and sat the rest of it out.
They (we?) had gone too far. Oh the shame of it, I still feel bad about being in the same postcode as that. There was no lasting damage, and we're still mates, but his revenge was epic, and shall remain a secret for the time being.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 1:17, Reply)

I posted jokes about my sex life for the last 2 QOTWs, got on the Best of page for both, and have since been dumped.

( Malchick, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 1:16, Reply)

the incident of the shed
I was deeply wounded (not literally; he wasn't that big) by my first relationship, particularly its demise.

anyway I was at some girl from college's birthday party, which was at her house, in the middle of nowhere- the nearest village was about 5 miles away down a long winding road and happened to be where my ex lives.

I got absolutely fucked on god knows how much alcohol, having bought a crate of cheap toilet water carling with my cousin earlier on, drinking most of that and moving on to all the other beverages that stood before me.

I went on to insult a black guy and afterwards felt very ashamed- I tried to tell him that under normal circumstances I would never offend him: "normally I wouldn't say that, because you are black" etc.

and then left the house in a huff. The only destination I could possibly have in this state was my ex's shithole village, or back to the shithole house. I chose the former ("'cause I heard it was warmer"-FLC)

anyway, after using my mobile phone to light up the otherwise barely visible signs ("ex's shit hole village- 5 miles")I arrived at his house. It was december and I was very, very cold, although the alcohol kept me from feeling even colder.

I had decided that I wanted to talk to my ex. About what I have no idea but given that it was 4 AM and he never gets out of bed later than 2 PM, I had a long wait. One in which I would probably have died from hypothermia. So, in my desperation, I climbed on top of the bins and jumped over the wall into his garden; he had a large log cabin thing in his garden which was really warm.

sadly it was locked. The shed however was not so I went in there with next door's cat, who was far too appreciative of my presence for my liking.

I found an old fireman sam duvet (or something like fireman sam) and tried to keep myself warm with that, though it was wet due to a leak in the ceiling.

His mum found me at about 7AM because she'd seen the shed light on. Either that or my ex had told her I'd sent a text informing of my whereabouts. lazy bastard. His mum was very nice about it though, seeing as I was at death's door (not just her door) and gave me some tea and drove me home.

I was quite popular at college before that incident. My ex told everyone about it though and bitched about how I'd killed his mother's vegetables by trampling all over them. ah well.

the most embarrassing thing about all it is that I left an old abba record I found on the record player.
(pryor_engagement, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 1:02, Reply)

Break ups
Picture the scene, uni students all sat about chatting happily. We get to the subject of break ups, whats happened to you? Whats the worst break up you've had?
Then we get to, "whats the easiest way to break up with someone?"
"Rape" came the reply. silence and lots of it ensued. too far?
(Jack the sparrow dodger, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 0:41, Reply)

oh yeah- the day I displayed my lady poo
when I was a lot younger and I was angry with my mum, I had a shit and wiped my arse on a bit of toilet tissue (as you do) before placing it, quite strategically, on my mum's pillow.

I went too far.
(pryor_engagement, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 0:38, Reply)

a local memorial club
none of things I've done are particularly funny, but they are too far.

when I heard that a local memorial bar had a rule about not letting women in (they do now, but only on certain days) I got drunk and spray painted "misogynists and rapists drink here" on the front of the building.

That was over a year ago and you can still see it even though they tried to scrub it off and I am sort of ashamed of it whenever I go past, although part of me thinks it fair enough.

I got a police caution for it. Still I never got done for the vandalising of the churches, a random car, the family car of someone who was a total bitch at primary school, the school sign, the gun club, the bus shelter whre the chavs hung out...

oh what fun it was being a sexually frustrated teenager.
(pryor_engagement, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 0:34, Reply)

party
i was at a party last yearwith some uni friends, and there were a bunch of germans there that were the biggest bunch of wankers i've ever met.
heres the cov

german: are you gay?
me: no, why?
german: in germany you have a gay haircut.
me: are you gay?
german: no why?
me: in england you have a gay nationality.

needles to say i was whisked away before i got battered, but on ym next visit to the toilet,
i pissed in the shampoos
pissed on all the toothbrushes (and in the holder)
pissed on a razor
put a full loo roll in the cistern
and pissed on the soap dispenser.

i woke up thinking that maybe i went a bit too far, this has remained a secret till today.
(suboftheday, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 23:56, Reply)

World of Warcraft
just joined a new guild in WOW. I know, I am very sad. I thought I would lighten the mood with a slightly abrasive joke to sort of introduce myself to the guild. I happened to pick a particularily 'noir' one, the classic what is vblack and has 27 tits one. I was thrown out immediatly. This has happened 3 times now. Why do I never learn?

Apologies for crapness
( HelloIamAdam and Adam is my name, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 22:54, Reply)

Downer
There is a down syndrome girl in my collage who wanders mindlessley round the smoking area in breaks and inbetween lessons. She has an imaginairy friend who she natters to under her breath and frollacks with holding hands and hugging him. She is the object of ridicule and when she walks past everybody around chuckles.

That was the extent of the torment till one day when she was talking to her imaginairy friend somebody just sprinted over to her and launched himself into the air and landed on her friend and continued to stamp hard on the floor and twist his foot into the floor. She just watched shocked and then started to scream and cry and then ran away somewhere else.

He got moaned at by her carer for doing it shortly afterwards, they had seen it on the security camera.
(bonzos, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 22:48, Reply)

Cold Weather Attacks
It was cold. South Carolina doesn't normally get very cold, but this year, it was terrifically chilly. I had a cadet buddy who had an International Explorer SUV which he adored. (think LandRover convertible truck) I forget now what it was he did to me, I think it had something to do with rotten fish in my barracks ceiling, but I had to get back at him.

Being South Carolina in the winter, it was deer season and I went to a local hunting store and got a half gallon of doe (deer) urine and then, deciding that wasn't quite enough for what I wanted to do, I made some calls and was able to find a butcher that had recently dressed out a buck and had some available deer guts.

Thanks to doors that do not lock, I proceeded to fill the heat and vent ducts in his beloved truck with a combination of the deer urine and intestines. It is amazing how much the heater unit of one of those things can store...and also how quickly it froze!

Long story short, he was about half an hour from school, driving in a carpool with a bunch of our friends, headed home for the Christmas holiday when the thawed out guts and urine started to overwhelm him. He was seen, on a day that the temps could not have been above 30 degrees Farenheit, driving at 60mph, his head sticking out of the drivers side window with snot dripping off his face and the reddest eyes this side of a Beautiful South song. At the time he was last spotted, he had another 5 hours worth of driving ahead of him.

When I came back to school after the Christmas break, I discovered my room had no floorboards any longer. He had returned early to school strictly to rip them up. Touche'. He NEVER said a word about it. Suffice it to say, that was the end of that battle as the school blamed me for the missing flooring...my parents to this day have no idea why they got a bill from the school for almost $1200.

Cheers.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 21:02, Reply)

Telling a mate
"Nah, I'd never shag your ex whom you're still in love with" and then doing it anyways. Not that I've done this, of course...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 13 Nov 2006, 19:29, Reply)

Hall life...
Back when I was in halls at uni in 1994/95 there was a running (friendly) fued between myself and another lad on my corridor. It all started one Friday when I had the day off and had a big lie in after a heavy night out. I could hear something going on outside my room, but thought nothing of it as I was in a semi-comatic state. As I slept later and later I could hear people talking and sounding quite repulsed.

I continued to lie there, the hangover wearing off ever so gradually. Eventually, a combination of needing the toilet, curiousity and the fact that it had started to get dark again made me think it was about time to get up.

I opened my door and walked out of my room....stopped, and looked back at what had caught my eye. Pinned to my door was a skin of a rodent, most likely a rat. What really got me was that the ears were still attached to this carcass.

1-0 to them.

I needed revenge, and I needed it quick. Two nights later on the Sunday night I found myself with the opportunity to sneak into his room and think of something on the spot....so, I turned his light off and decided to unscrew it...not just from the light fitting, but the actual glass from the screw part with the hope that it would explode when he turned on.

Nice idea, except he came into the room and turned the light on just as I let go of it. It didn't explode, thankfully, put it did make a popping noise....and shorted out the whole corridor.

So, still 1-0.

He made it 2-0 when we were driving home from a pizza place one night a few weeks later. Knowing full well I hate going very fast in cars he managed to hit 80mph in a 30mph zone, and I was totally crapping myself.

Then he made it 3-0 a few days later by ramming a university sign under my door whilst I was out, which meant I had great trouble opening it.

I needed a big revenge....and I carried on with the signs theme. I wanted to stitch him up and get him in trouble. So, one night I was out and I proceeded to unscrew several signs from several pubs and businesses in the city centre. The intention was to take them home, tip off the pubs and businesses that he'd got them and then sneak into his room and hide them.

Best laid plans and all that - I'd even got a friend to help me lug the plethora of signs back (12 in total). Except we'd decided to walk, got spotted by the police, took the ill advised decision to run away and hide after dropping the signs. After crouching in some bushes for a good few minutes, we were eventually hauled out by a couple of burly coppers and dragged into separate vans and questioned about AN ARMED ROBBERY (!!!) for the next three hours before it became apparent that we were indeed just students messing around.

There were no more jokes from either party after that, just laughs at how stupid I'd been. Oh well.
(lo-fi_shop_assistant, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 19:23, Reply)

Watford
To GrandMasterFluffles,

Drinking in Watford Town Centre? That's going too far, I'm surprised you actually got to a bar, the having to wade knee deep in kebab wrappers usually makes me turn back.
(dunkindogdo, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 19:12, Reply)

A few people seem to have done this
I used to work with a right skinny slacker/spacker nicknamed Smiler, a bit odd he was. As well as being a massive Status Quo fan he had the strangest hair, black as boot polish and bouffant like Fabio. Anyway, over the space of a few weeks, Smiler had been torturing us with the tale of his seduction of a married older woman and the sex they'd have while her fellah was out. Deciding we'd had quite enough of his bollocks we decided to get our own back one night.
Borrowing Smiler's phone it was easy to get his number, so on the nightshift, around 2am my mate at the time called from another mobile and did his best irate husband voice while we all watched Smiler's reaction.
"I know who you are you cunt! Shagging my fucking wife!"
Despite looking a bit pale Smiler put on a brave front "y... yeah? what're you going to do about it?"
"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do fucker, I know where you work, I'm on to you" Now Smiler got really scared, visibly shaking he looked at us and pointed to the phone, mouthing the words "help me". It was at this point we should've stopped it but we were too busy holding in the guffaws, my mate continued "In fact mate I'm already outside, I'm going to FUCKING KILL YOU!" he said the last part so loudly Smiler dropped the phone, while another workmate, sequested outside, hammered on the nearby door with a crowbar.
Smiler? Well he did the only thing you can do in a situation like that, he shit in his pants and fainted.
After he came around and quickly cleaned himself up he hid in the office all night with a chair against the door. We talked amongst ourselves and decided we probably shouldn't tell him it was a joke, the poor guy lived in fear every day after that, stopped the stories though.
(Suddenly, zebras Safe and sound for eternity, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 19:02, Reply)

Blow
A Colombian friend of mine lets call him Muchacho, was really into practical jokes and had played many a joke on people including a legendary epic joke on my boyfriend which made him think that the University were investigating him for downloading porn. This was dragged it out for a (very stressful for boyf) week, and even involved him breaking into university offices (complete with photographs for future blackmail) to retrieve an incriminating email that had ‘accidentally’ been printed to the wrong printer.

Anyway a few years later the opportunity arose to get Muchacho back. Some of his other ‘friends’ had heard from him that when he came back into the country from Colombia he’d gotten quite the seeing over from the customs officials due to coming from somewhere with a druggie reputation (and perhaps due to his slightly terrorist appearance). So they procured some official letterhead paper and wrote to him to say something like the swabs they’d taken off his luggage had come up positive for the white stuff and he was in big big trouble. He shat himself and hired a lawyer to fight his imminent deportation.

Here is where the joke should have been stopped, however there was some talk amongst the perps of this joke as to whether he was on to them and was just lying about the lawyer to make them feel bad, so they decided against ending the joke there. They let it go for over a week before letting him know it was a farce, only after Muchacho had really spent $1000 on the lawyer who had called the officials and found the letter was fake, and was now looking for the people responsible to charge them with fraud, and get the person who supplied the letterhead paper fired (queue multiple pants browning). In addition he complained that the stress of it all had deprived him of sleep and work time and no longer talks to us (even though myself and boyfriend were not even involved). Ah practical jokes all fun and games until someone loses an eye or $1000.
(toffee pop, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 18:42, Reply)