I love
the smell of new Apple Macs. Don't know why, I'm not a Mac obsessive by any means but the smell when you open the box is like nothing else. I think Apple spray it in. Tragically I still have the box my iBook came in 4 years ago, and I still open it and smell it from time to time.

There's probably more, I'll post when I think of them.
( naeonlite, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 14:03, Reply)

I don't feel guilty about it!
Running up the stairs on all fours is good. But sliding down on your stomach head first using your hands to control the speed....... ooh the pleasure.

Having a poo with the door open is always fun.

Playing with my sons toys when I should be putting them away, especially lego. Get a stirring when I stick my hand in a big tub of the stuff knowing that soon a huge tank or summit will be created.

The list goes on, but like I said, they don't count as I don't feel guilty about picking my nose and flicking it at the cat and stuff like that.
(Billy Sastard, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 14:02, Reply)

Junk Mail
have to go along with Vlad the Impala on this one. Junk mail is...well, the clue is in the title, but the pleasure I get from sending the stuff off to the wrong credit card companies in each others' pre-paid envelopes makes it more than worthwhile.
I call it 'Junk Mail Counter-Terrorism'

(Handy tip - always rip out any reference to your name and address, otherwise the bastards will probably send you twice as much in revenge or something...not that I'm paranoid or owt...)
(AlohasRyk, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 14:00, Reply)

I got loads
P1ssin in a bottle and tiping out of the window

Selling all my old man's property on ebay

Smoking around children

Randomly beeping my horn at fellow motorists

Rent 2 DVDs from Shitebuster and swapping the boxes over.

Who doesnt pick their nose and eat it?

Pretend I am gonna kiss the missus and licking her forehead with loads of slobber, now that is comedy.
(Taco Tickler, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:59, Reply)

Schneeeky
well then...

As soon as i get in to work every single day i load up QOTW and resize it to fit Outlook as posted by someone i cannot find again.

When im in the shower i blow my nose into my hand and wash it away, sometimes i also take a piss but thats only if im tired and cant be arsed to piss before going for a shower.

after schniftering a few lines of devils dandruff i take great pleasure in removing the cokesnot.

Taking a dump with the door open is another good one... Further to that my friend does this totally rank thing when he is taking a shit, i have labelled this "HOT BOXING" and basically when he sits down to crap, he stretches his t-shirt over his knees so all aroma collects and he can smell his own shit, its fuckign grotesque and i take the piss out of him constantly for it.

If my flatmate is out i pump the drum and bass and dance around like a complete arsehole often trying to better the efforts of Mc Eksman,Skibadee,Shabba D etc, i sound like a pure pillock but when i listen to Blood Red Throne, Vital Remains (or death metal etc) i sing (read: death growl) along but thats not bad cos i do that in my band

Talk to myself, or sing rather. For example if im going to make a cup of tea before i smoke a bong i will sing exactly that

"going to make, a cup of tea, before i smoke my boooooong" ( I have been caught doing this while cooking some tomato soup singing I LIKE SOUP, I LIKE SOUP... to the tune of that Red Hot Chilli Peppers song - I Like Dirt )

any more i think of i will add. now its time for my break... :D
( Bongmaster Is a Junglist Soldier., Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:59, Reply)

Guilty Pleasures?
The 6 year old in my basement...
(Rata-tat-atouille, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:56, Reply)

Telling shit jokes
...that aren't mine.
e.g. What's blue and fucks grannies? Me in my lucky blue coat etc
Can't help it..sad what we do for kicks!
(Rata-tat-atouille, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:55, Reply)

Supermarkets and more
Apart from the afforementioned farting-and-running-away, I take great delight in crashing into things deliberately with a heavily laden trolley, although not other people's trollies. If I can dent/damage part of the store, then I'm the happiest bloke in the world. I also leave farts in lifts, if I ride them alone.

I enjoy wasting religious/salesmen's time by pretending to be interested. Blagging test-drives with my mate at car dealerships is especially fun, but you can't do it all that often. Lying through your teeth to a smug salesman, it can't be bettered as they think they've got a sale.

Also, as a cyclist, going into bike shops other than my local, and asking the shop assistants for the release dates of new products that haven't been released, and which they know nothing about. I love catching them out, one-upmanship can be such a laugh.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:53, Reply)

hell yeah!
i love bounding up the stairs on all fours. i do it in front of my family though.

when i walk my dog i sometimes lie down and roll around in the grass like he does. and i help him hunt rabbits.

i love dancing around the house- sort of tribal dancing usually, with a big happy grin.

i talk to every cat i see in the street, and the birds if they land close by. actually i talk to all the animals.

i sometimes bite my own arm gently or nuzzle my shoulder cos it's all smooth and warm. i do this to my fella alot too.
(cairo, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:53, Reply)

dancing...
...like I'm having a fit and singing along to the likes of Britney and Christina and various other artists that I'm slightly embarrased to admit I own any cd's by!!!

(Although I will openly admit to flailing and wailing along to 'Credit Card Baby' by Wham!)
(mckitkat, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:52, Reply)

I'm no fetishist....
...but I've got a real thing about massaging people's feet, often the skankier the better. I don't get off on licking them or anything like that, I think it's more seeing the pleasure on the owner's face when they get a really good foot rub (and like Samuel L in Pulp Fiction, I ain't tickling or nothin.)

And less exciting, text messages. I receive an average amount of them, so it's not the novelty value, it's just like getting a letter that isn't a bill. But I get really happy when I see "1 New Message". Joy joy joy :)
(Vernie, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:44, Reply)

peeing
i love peeing in the shower on a cold winters morning.. so hot that it makes my legs warmer than the shower water

oh, and pooing.. ones that slide out and just keep sliding out into a big pile while you're feeling more relaxed than ever

oh, and smelling my undies a day after wearing them

also masturbating with my vibrator whilst stoned.. fuck yeah
(brotagaia, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:43, Reply)

I think a lot of people secretly do this.
I like putting on some classical music and waving my arms in a conductor-type-fashion, sometimes with a pen or baton-like utensil.
I also do this when driving, with my fore fingers raised above the steering wheel, waggling to the music.

EDIT: Spooky! The time posted on the QOTW page is 1337 (leet) and the time in my profile is 911 (9/11, my birthday, American-style).
( CaroWallis, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:37, Reply)

A Handy Hint
Guilty of time wasting


Although stupidly busy at work, I need to refer to the interweb as a sanity-saving measure.

So, I resize my browser window (featuring QOTW) to snugly fit into the main bit of MS Outlook. So from a distance it looks like I am intently reading emails.

Thank you B3ta for making the page look rather like emails in a preview-type-format.

I just need to stop sniggering so much lest I give the game away...
( Strangey is present at, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:32, Reply)

Book Oddity
Finding odd places too read;
halfway up the stairs is a fave, or underneath a desk with pillows in the gaps.

Er... yes.
(Orkran Mild Euphoria Ensues, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:32, Reply)

Vaughan-Williams
Fantasia on a theme of thomas tallis, my favourite piece of classical music, When I have the house to myself, I play it so loud that the neighbours in the next street can hear it!
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:22, Reply)

oh yes...
really pathetic.

sometimes, usually when I get home at night a bit drunk, I visit a chat site on the web that I used to frequent when I was about 12-14. I usually start bitching about there only being horny little morons trying to get laid and no serious debate like in my day.
( The little pink animal is mostly harmless, except on, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:16, Reply)

well..
I talk to photos.
(gutbeat, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:06, Reply)

Not me but a friend (honest)
likes to wipe lovely big coke ridden bogeys under the seat in his car. Then I..I mean he, scrapes them off a week or so later and has a good look at them. He once sold a car and forgot to clean off a good six months worth...probably several grams of dry snot. Nice.
(dukefukem, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 13:04, Reply)

I love to
get really drunk. Do anything I want and then the next morning pulling puppy eyes and say I can't remember.
When I can really recall every lil'detail.....That feeling is next to always better then the night before!

Also walking in on guys pee-ing..."Oh sorry didn't realise you were in there.."

I did really and now I've seen your willy.

Pretty childish.
(Poodle_Me_Please, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:59, Reply)

Waving
Waving happily to pedestrians you don’t know whilst driving, but even better is when they wave back.
Not so much in my (relatively) friendly island, but when I go to the UK, most people think your insane and gesture so. The pleasure comes from those rare people that smile and wave back.
(gristy Twice as a rabbit, but oh, how a reputation sticks, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:56, Reply)

Eating cheese. Far more than a person should.
I love doing without any form of slicer and just taking a whacking great bite out of a block of cheddar. Can't do it too often though.
(Turnipton, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:55, Reply)

Interprative Dance
I like nothing better than to listen to a tune on my mp3 player and do a really mongy interprative dance, limbs flaling, with plenty of spins and retarded bunny hops. But only when I think no one is watching. oh and taking a realy big swig of milk/soft drink/juice straight out of the carton.
(rattus, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:54, Reply)

When nobody's around.....
I like to leave the bog door open when I'm having a dump. It's like I'm saying to the world - "Yeah - I'm having a shyat- and yeah it smells like dead things - What you gonna do about it sukka ?"
( dogfish, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:50, Reply)

errr
forcing my whole leg into the anus of a camel.

I'm banned from 31 zoo's worldwide and holiday in Morocco.
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:49, Reply)

My life has become a quest for the perfect drive home from work.
Judging the gaps in the traffic just right. Always being in just the right gear at the perfect moment. Flying around roundabouts without stopping or slowing. Nailing every corner apex. Catching every green light.

And doing the lot while staying just within the tolerance level of the local traffic cops' interpretation of the speed limit.

Just last night I caught a late movie in the city and had a thirty kilometre trip home in the middle of the night on deserted roads. I cranked Radio Birdman right up on the stereo and flew home. Bliss. I didn't get to sleep until 3am, even after a litre of green tea, I was so buzzed. I paid for it dearly at work today, having had stuff all sleep, and that in short bursts due to having to get up every half hour to de-tea.

/Looks longingly at car keys...
//Drives an old, bog standard, boring, underpowered Toyota.
( Udderbelly A tale of four titties, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:43, Reply)

Inhaling
deeply on teabags en route from mug to bin.
(Dogsvsmonkeys, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:35, Reply)

Snout Digging
I love masticating some good bogeys. I am not even slightly ashamed, it's actually good for you and helps you develop a strong immune system.
Strangest habit I have though, around the anus are small pores, they fill up with a weird orange cheesy type substance, not sure what it is or why it is orange. I am compelled to squeeze these out but need to look into a mirror cheeks wide open to get a good view of what I am doing.
Look at your own anus (your chocolate starfish) the wings may feel lumpy a little, maybe you have some little orange cheese of your own. Let us know what delights you find.
(booionic, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:31, Reply)

Pooing
I take great pleasure in knowing that i shat in my neighbours garden.
Though i am also happy that i was not caught in this act. As i was squatting, leaning slightly backwards and clinging to the bumper of his car. I was also extremely battered.
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:31, Reply)

o_O
Overtaking BMWs at high speed. Generally on the inside lane because they're always in the middle or outside lane. It's nice zooming past and pulling in front of them in a tiny Seicento!

And pulling out the occassional really long nose hair that afflicts my gender so unfairly, and getting that really good sniff/sneeze feeling afterward. Great.
( Irregular Shed is trying to remember what it is he does, Thu 7 Apr 2005, 12:25, Reply)