I used to work in...
a local community college with teenagers with special needs. My favourite insult was from one of my students, upon spying a girl who, perhaps, a little rotund for what she was wearing, uttered the phrase 'well she looks like two pounds of shit in a one pound bag'
Hes is now officially one of my heros...
(goodmorningbeautiful, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 9:42, Reply)

bored titless
change this shit question
(Sid, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 9:36, Reply)

An easy one...
...Take a swear word..any swear word...then add the word 'slush'

e.g

cuntslush
fuckslush
totalandutterwankslush
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 9:29, Reply)

But they can't help it...
I saw a programme earlier in the year that made me laugh until no sound came out and my sides ached.

Keith Allen took a bus load of kids with Tourettes (not sure if I spelled it right) over to france on a double decker bus, to the place where the condition was first discovered.

In case you have been living on Mars, Tourettes is the syndrome where you can't help shouting expletives, or anything that comes into your head for that matter..The one guy could never play "Hide and Seek" as a kid because he would always shout out where he was! (Bizarrely so are actions such as being stood in front of a cooker and thinking that flame is gonna burn my hand, and then being unable to stop yourself holding your hand in the flame).

The head guy with the condition had another programme done about him as a kid in the 70's where he would go shopping with his mum - shouting she was "A F*CKING WHORE" and "DIRTY SLUT".. anyway, now he has grown into a man in his 30's, he has done work to bring awareness to the condition - and it is this that granted him an audience with Prince Charles no less.

Upon meeting Prince Charles, he shook his hand and shouted "BIG EARED C*NT".. and added the icing on the cake by shouting as Prince Charles moved on to the next handshake.. "DOES CAMILLA TAKE IT UP THE ARSE".

The bus load of mostly teenagers reached their destination and sat in a classroom, while an old French Proffessor waffled on about tourettes... it wasn't long before they started to let rip with every teachers nightmare..
"BOOOOOOOOOOORING" (BORING)
and the classic insult shouted by one lad at the top of his voice..

"COMB OVER".
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 9:17, Reply)

Computer face
for someone with glasses, like
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 9:17, Reply)

You slimy little..
...cuntslug.

Inspired.
(Ott3r, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 9:08, Reply)

not quite an insult
but I'm sure that saying to someone "I'll bend you over and take you to brown town" will stop them in their tracks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 9:03, Reply)

Simple, yet effective...
I was out for a curry the other week for my birthday. I happened to be outside having a cigarette; dutifully respecting the smoking laws of our great country, when the door to the restaurant swung open and a young lad of only about 3 years old came stomping out. He was closely followed by who I assumed was his older brother (a boy of about 14). When said older brother grabbed the younger boy, the little whipper-snapper decided to scream at the top of his lungs "FAGGOT BOY FAGGOT BOY FAGGOT BOY..." etc. It didn't stop.

I laughed.

A lot.
( Rolypoly Has decided, by decree, that todays date will be, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:50, Reply)

Speaking of "meadow ladies"...
...my friend's ex was a bit of a heifer. His brother referred to her as the "rhinocopig".

I've also used the term "hippopotamoose" myself. But I love the term "coyote ugly" - which for those who aren't familiar is where in a drunken state you've pulled some ugly moose, she's fallen asleep on your arm and you'd rather gnaw your own arm off than risk waking her up.

Or there's "butter face", as in "she's got a hot body but-her-face is nasty".
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:37, Reply)

Hull, we're all going there, like it or not
"Spastic" and "Flid", the playground insults of the gods, preferably uttered with tongue in bottom lip and arms doing something like a epileptic chicken dance
(How could we know at such a young age that for those two well used words we would burn in hull for eternity?)
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:32, Reply)

*pop!!*
One of my dad's favourites... May your next shit be a hedgehog!

And, for particularly ugly specimens, 'hippocrocodogopig'!

/relurks...
( bentalls In my head, I am a ninja, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:19, Reply)

A guy I used to work with, Elvis....
...was once asked out by a girl and told her he'd "rather nail his dick to a burning building", which is quite insulting.

In a similar vein, I use "I'd rather cut my arse off and sit in vinegar"

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:10, Reply)

A couple of "you're ugly" alternatives that my brother and I use (not to each other though, obviously)
"She's got a face like a burning orphanage"

"She's got a face like a bucket of pigs"

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:08, Reply)

Just a couple that i've remembered...
On commenting on a mate's crap driving on a go-kart track: "You drive like Miss Daisy" (he did get the flag for going TO SLOW!!)

"I wouldn't ask you for help even if I was drowning in a sea of piss and yours was the only house on stilts."

Calling people THRUSH (coz they are an irritating c*nt)

A favourite from the Armed Forces..

"I was in Baghdad when you were in your dad's bag"

Yay!! popped my b3ta cherry!!
(Skeksis 2nd place is 1st loser....., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:08, Reply)

my fav
at the moment is from the amazing Popworld, watched on sunday mornings on channel 4:

'I can see your lips moving but all I can hear is nggggggggg (not easy to replicate the sound, kind of like a monged ship coming into port)'

:o)
( doph no time like the precedent, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:07, Reply)

Insults
A Jeremy Kyle couple walking their child through Hull's Prospect Centre. The "father" is three paces behind Tasha Slapper and pram. he's shouting at her, she stops dead, turns round and shouts...at the top of her shrill voice...

"CUNT OFF, ARSEFACE!"

I have never laughed so much!
(fatmancunian, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 8:01, Reply)

i never insult anyone.
i consider such to be rude behaviour.
( postbear has metal knees, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 7:00, Reply)

well
my friends always used to tell me after i was done playing touch football or anything with the band:
"fish you're ugly and you suck at football."

without fail.

and in original halo matches there was always the traditional
"EAT PLASMA!!!"

plenty others... just cant think of them.
the usual type of thing
(fisherOfApples123 -=destroyer of toilets=-, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 4:52, Reply)

one that works mest from the moth of young (ish) children
"you're rubbish"

cuts like a knife
( Crack <--- Lurker..... came out of hiding on, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 3:07, Reply)

Ah, youth!
My lovely ladyfriend and I used to walk around the university having the following conversation:

"Strumpet!"
"Trollop!"
"Tomato!"
"Whore!"
"Prostitute!"
"Midnight cowboy!"
"Rent boy!"
"Puta!"
"Floozy!"
"Harlot!"

Etc, etc, etc. The first one who couldn't come up with a synonym of "prostitute" lost the game.
We got a lot of very strange looks. The strangest thing is, it was a form of loving, friendly flirtation. It worked for us.
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 2:20, Reply)

supervisor
when i was an apprentice, we had a manager/supervisor called mr wheewell.
his name was quite obviously "pisseasy"
(brussellsprout Im a fucking genius. official., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 2:18, Reply)

Big hairy pissflaps
Cockfosters
Flaaaaaange
&c
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 1:10, Reply)

quick & disgusting
Fart Sucker !

That is all
( Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 1:09, Reply)

Had a teacher...
Rather than calling him a dickhead, someone came up with the infinitly better...
Penishead.
(Lil' Alan, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 0:51, Reply)

erm...
two possibly all-new insults popped into my head the other day, in a now near-daily cycle commute brush with death.

cuntpuncture.
quimleak.

i find them oddly satisfying and now utter them quite regularly...
(insomniboy, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 0:39, Reply)

not really an insult, but I found it hilarious
I was walking back from the train station one day and there was this kid hanging out of a 1st floor window on the street. I'd estimate he was about 14, possibly younger. As I passed, he shouted with all his might

"OI LOVE, DO YOU FANCY SOME SEX?"

I laughed all the way home.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 0:00, Reply)

from Stella Street:
Fuck off you mulch fuck
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 9 Oct 2007, 23:36, Reply)

"Get OFF my lawn!....


... And don't forget to SHUT UP!"


I'll never forget.
(Arctix, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 23:30, Reply)

Say it out loud
cuntyarsedfuckwank

and/or

fucktard
(DjArcas, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 23:24, Reply)

Some of the gems I've heard or said
FUCK YOU...SIR FUCKS-A-LOT
get outta my way miss Tits-a-plenty (in my defense she did hav rather large...well you know)
and last but not least a Tourettes Guy favorite
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE LIKE AS BANANA AND SHIT
(McShaggswell, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 22:53, Reply)