I'm pretty sure you are all dicks.
What the fuck is wroing with you?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 29 May 2010, 17:52, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's gonna be a good weekend
On Sunday I become half-a-century old. So tonight I'm off to my favourite gastropub with family to celebrate and on Monday I'm going to the game fair in Newbury.
Life is good!

What are you, my B3TA family, doing this weekend?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 29 May 2010, 9:33, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Again, not links...
but I figure that beckyletters might get a kick out of this:

www.b3ta.com/links/Somehow_I_hadnt_wondered_about_this_before
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sat 29 May 2010, 4:29, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So this isn't links, but what an utter fuckwit...
www.facebook.com/profile.php?=743264506
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 21:59, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm so excited!
I'm going out tonight. To the Georgian Theatre in Richmond.
I'll be seeing the Jaleo ensemble perform some of their estimable flamenco music and dance.
Oh, and I have a front row seat. Me AND the missus. WOW!

What you doing then?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 16:09, 150 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Be Nice to Strangers, or The World's A Funny Place
A week ago, I went to the local shop to by fags and food for my tea. I was putting the cellophane in the bin (I'm a considerate girl) when an elderly Jamaican man on a bicycle came and talked to me. I gave him a cigarette, and talked to him for about 20 minutes. I enjoy talking to strangers, and he was lovely and friendly. I said goodbye to him and thought no more of it.

Just now, I was sitting outside in the smoking area when he rides by on his bicycle. He recognises me even though my hair is now completely different. He claims that we now have a "telepatic" connection- once you meet someone, you're likely to bump into them again. We talk some more, and it turns out he'd found an entire pack of cigarettes on the ground- quite good ones. He gives me two - despite my protests.

So be nice to strangers, and you'll get something good in return. Often cigarettes.

When was the last time you were nice to someone you didn't know?
Or are you bitter and twisted, and cannot see the good in the world?

Alt: have you made any strange connections recently?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:06, 172 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This idea will only be of interest to cricket-loving B3tans, if any exist
For years Australia have been the best cricketing team in the world, but a barren wasteland when it comes to musical output. Now, all of a sudden, the best band in the world are Australian, and they're shit at cricket. Coincidence... or SORCERY?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:18, 109 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This ain't /links etc.
But, I was just going to post a link to that terrible brokencyde song in another thread and this little gem from urban dictionary came up on google.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=brokencyde
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:47, 255 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love The Rock
I know I shouldn't, he's hardly an Oscar winning actor and he falls squarely into the Vin Diesel category of typecast characters, but I love him and every film that he is in. I've managed to persuade Wiggy to come and see The Tooth Fairy with me, but he's only agreed because we have unlimited cinema tickets.

Who do you love that you really, really shouldn't. No emo whining about your best friend's girl.

Alternative question, which televised vision of the future do you
hope is true? I want it to be Futurama.

EDIT: Sorry Darth, didn't mean to step on your toes there. Ooh, a dance reference!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 11:57, 203 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today is my colleague Lee's last day
He is currently dancing around the office in nought but a Mankini and matching green trainers, like a much more disturbing real-life version of The Todd.

Who here can say the same?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 28 May 2010, 11:56, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I watched Magnolia the other day
I wasn't expecting it to be 3 hours long, I wasn't expecting it to be really weird, and I certainly wasn't expecting the torrential rain of frogs.

worth a watch though, if only for Tom Cruise's first line "respect the cock!"

seen anything good recently?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:53, 112 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The staff room where I work the library staff have wallpapered one wall with DVD covers
The other day I replaced one of them with the cover from Debbie Does Dallas. I kindly put stars over the nipple on the back cover and made it sort of SFW. They obviously have no sense of humour as it was gone a day later and replaced with some boring artsy movie that I would probably enjoy if I bothered to watch it.

So do you work in a place with a sense of humour and what's the best thing you have gotten away with or been busted on?
( Peej, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:35, 55 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bloody hell!
I haven't been awake and functioning properly this early in a long time! I wasn't aware nine o'clock even existed any more. But it's only because I have cell biology exam at two that I desperately need to do some more revision for.

So, erm. Question. What's the oddest/most public place you've had a wank?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 28 May 2010, 8:55, 145 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm going to Alton Towers today
I am up before I get up for work and it seems like hard work already.
Anyone wanna go in my place?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 28 May 2010, 7:01, 80 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a friend that does car modifications,
specifically on Honda Accords. I just about pissed myself laughing when another friend called to tell me he just got arrested for running a chop shop!

That was half an hour ago, and all I can think of is b3ta! My other friend didn't get why I was laughing so hard.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 28 May 2010, 1:33, Reply)

Fuck me it's quiet in here tonight.
You all watching Question Time or Newsnight or something?

Alt question: benefit reform - good or bad?

Alt alt question: what's the most annoying thing about your neighbour? Mine would be the lad downstairs' propensity to get himself arrested on a regular basis, coupled with his fairly new girlfriend's laugh. She sounds like a donkey thats being fisted by the Rock whilst simultaneously having 100 volts of electricity shot through its scrotum. Oh, and her banging on his door at 2 am having lost the battery of her phone and her windsail knickers on a neighbour's step.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 27 May 2010, 23:10, 176 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any Caaaarnish hippes about?
Have a fucking grin at this:

www.cornwallinfocus.co.uk/leisure/showevent.php?id=361

Might be worth a gander.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:33, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*looks around for TGB*....new thread time
This morning the cleaner told me I shouldn't walk to work with wet hair as I will catch a cold. This is bollocks, but when I said that to people at work about half of them insisted it was true.

What old wives tales do you believe/are you utterly shocked by the retardedness of other people believing in?

Alt Q: If you discovered a planet what would you call it?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 27 May 2010, 15:28, 200 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oooooh! I'm starting a thread
does anyone know of a B3ta proxy I can use that is still working and hasn't been blocked by my work?

sickrik is gone, barnesy is gone, a few others seem to have disappeared, and I'm sick of B3ta-ing on my phone.

If you can't help, fuck off, or print this post, and write 'Bertie is a bellend' all over it, scream at a mirror for 5 minutes, and shove it up your arse
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:36, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright Chubsters?
JMG reporting in.

What's fresh on the lower levels?
Give me some of the /QOTW news without managing to whip yourselves up in to a ruddy cheeked deep wheezing angry man on the internet.


/edit
Sorry there Fatties, I posted here but was distracted by a different part of the internet for a bit.
As you were. Feel free to continue getting worked up when I'm not even here.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 27 May 2010, 13:45, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm waiting for someone to turn up for a meeting to determine if I have a job to go to tomorrow
What do you hate waiting for?

Alt Q: who's shit would you like to fuck up right now?

Fucksocks, I'm out of a job
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 27 May 2010, 11:19, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In other news and a lot more fun.
I got my new print through the post.

www.art.co.uk/products/p12549859-sa-i1917156/norman-rockwell-tattoo-artist.htm?sorig=cat&sorigid=0&dimvals=5000032&ui=2979dd9f3ced4cbaa21039fbd26167ca

It's even better up close and will look great when I've framed it.

What stuff do you have on your walls?
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:38, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am in such a fucking bad mood.
My Ipod is borked, due to me spilling orange juice all over it probably. I can't use the scroll wheel to go back so I'm stuck on the same songs. So I thought I'd buy a shuffle to use whilest my old one is fixed. My laptop won't recognise the shuffle. I've done everything they say to fix it but no luck. So I thought I'd try it at work and loaded itunes onto my puter but everytime I go to the store to get the latest download and to arrange sending my old ipod back, my work computer crashes.

I spent three hours last night trying to get the sodding thing to work. Oh and I need the seriel number of my old ipod and without a fucking microscope I can't see it on the back of the bloody thing it's that small.

And this means no music while I run.

I......fucking.......hate........technology.
( girlinthehole, Thu 27 May 2010, 10:00, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh darling, sugar, honey
When it was nice and sunny
And when I had some money
We would go and see Echo and the Bunny...

Men.


It's nice and sunny today. What would be your activity of choice if you had some money?

Alt: Do you always wear pants to work?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 27 May 2010, 8:14, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TRL's post has made me put one of my responses as a new thread.
2 weeks ago, the boyfriend and I broke up for good, and the following day something else really shitty happened, but I'm not going to elaborate.

For two weeks, I've been nursing a broken heart and sobbing my eyes out every night, but the cats have been amazing. Stealth has literally licked away the tears from my face while Bomber has been pawing my hair.
They both sleep on me every night instead of next to, and I swear as soon as I start crying they're all over me, nudging me and loving me.

How awesome are your pets?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 27 May 2010, 2:53, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Physisisisisists needed
Say I have a perfectly inelastic, arbitrarily long string. We each hold one end, and hold the whole string taut. When I tug on one end, you can feel it instantly. We can communicate by an agreed pattern, e.g. by Morse code.

Now say that the string is very long indeed - 1 light minute. I tug on the string, and send the message "hello" - and you receive the message immediately.

Have I transmitted information faster than light? Or totally misunderstood relativity?
(ragged, Thu 27 May 2010, 0:39, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New tv show thread
Since I last did one of these I've watched all of
The wire
Sopranos
Rescue me
Studio 60
Lost
24

I'm working my way through Sons of anarchy right now and I love it. Just did season 1 of 30 rock and I'm waiting for more to download, I've got Firefly to watch next, but then I'm all out of stuff to watch. Recommend me more good tv please.

Alt Q: What's the last text you sent and received?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:19, 103 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm very sad at the moment.
My bird Tiffany the cockateil died last night. My daughter found her this afternoon.

I've had that bird for about ten years. She's been a part of my life, chirping every day when I get up, and now she's gone.

Fuck.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 26 May 2010, 19:23, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who's still at work? In at 8 this morning and will probably leave at 8 this evening, good times
tell me your tales of work woe, or rant about your shitty colleages.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 26 May 2010, 18:58, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been to Borough market and had chorizo and it was awesome as always
Tell me b3tan brethren, what's your favourite type of meat and why?

Mine's probably Bacon or Gammon because they are the tastiest of all the meats. Succulent juicy flavour and the smell when you cook them is just the best thing ever.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 26 May 2010, 16:59, 160 replies, latest was 16 years ago)