I've got a bit of a thirst on
What is your favourite non-alcoholic drink?

Alt Q: What was the last individual item you bought that cost £20.00 or more.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 13:35, 181 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Useful things
I tore my apartment apart at the weekend looking for a small swiss army knife that I use around the home and at work all the time.

Besides your mobile phone, what's the most useful small gadget or tool you own?

Alt Q: if you had to choose a country, other than your native one, to retire to, which would you choose and why?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 12:22, 175 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Surprise parties? Are these ever a good idea?
My older brother and I were talking yesterday and realised that our parents are both 60 early next year. We want to do something nice for them and due to certain health issues their annual summer and christmas parties haven't happened for the past two years.

We are thinking of throwing them a surprise party but have no experience of planning one. Has anyone thrown one and are they good? or are they cheesy and shit and we need to rethink?

Alt Q: What's for lunch? I am having roast beef with cold veg.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 10:58, 46 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

dear b3ta
i appear to have mislaid a large patch of time between, approx 2am sat morning, after seeing skindred and about 7am this morning, when my alarm went.
kindly fill me in on what happened?
alternatively, kindly make me up a tale involving me, massive drugs, unicorns, and tumbling penguins. go.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 10:32, 19 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

sunday night/monday morning blues
i was out for dinner last night and one of the girls, who has just given notice after maternity leave, was saying how thrilled she is not to have sunday night blues anymore. and everyone else there was agreeing that they were dreading work the next day.

now i don't exactly leap out of bed and come in my pants because i get to go to work, but i've never felt that depressed about it at the end of the weekend! what about you lot... do you loathe or like mondays?

alt q, as that seems to be what you kids are calling it these days, did you have a good weekend? any gossip??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 9:35, 130 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Help Please!
Now I know lots of people on here know a hell of a lot more than I do about IT and the internet in general.

Yesterday I put my SLR onto Gumtree, received an email asking if it was still available, replied and then received the following...

'Hello,

I will like to buy it as a surprise gift for my Son, let me know if i
worth it, and will need your assistance in shipping it to him because
i'm not in the country right now and won't be back in a couple of Days
but i hope it's in a good condition.

I will pay you through my PayPal account and will be adding an extra
of 65 which i am sure will cover the shipping expenses via Royal Mail
International Sign For.

If you have an account with Paypal, just get back to me with your
paypal email, so i can make your payment and if you don't have one you
can log to paypal website at www.paypal.com and easily sign up for
your own personal account since it's free. Don't be scared of dealing
with me because many sellers are scared of dealing with any buyer
outside UK, I want your honesty in return to my faithfulness to you
during this transaction. Your immediate response will be really
appreciated, Thank you.
My Paypal email is at *****[email protected]'

Now is this a scam? Can people get info from your paypal email or fish for anything else? It all seems too good to be true, I only put it on there last night.

Im away from the comp until 5 so hopefullt there's advice by then! thanks!

alt q: How gullible are you?
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 8:05, 20 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

This is likely to be of scant import to most
but as of next weekend I am allowed to take my little girl out on my own.

As a self-styled reveller in this fine language we call 'English (UK)' it gives me great pleasure to state that I can find no words whatsoever to amply convey the elation and great joy I am feeling right now.

Without (hopefully) coming across like an emotional (and tedious) Oscar winner, there are so many people on B3ta who have been so supportive and helpful in their advice during my horrible journey: I cannot possibly thank you all enough. I genuinely couldn't have done it alone.

(Yes, I have been drinking)

(and no, I don't have a question)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sun 19 Sep 2010, 19:33, 163 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The last seven days.....
Seven things i learned in the last seven days.

1. I'm madly in love with someone.
2. The grass is fucking greener on the other side.
3. Not every gay man would want to "Do Me".
4. Moving house is very fucking expensive.
5. Natwest bank are cunts.
6. I have to finish with my girlfriend.
7. Women do really squirt.

Let's hope the next seven days are as eventful.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Sun 19 Sep 2010, 16:51, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Blankety blank,
This Sunday I fully intend to ................ because ........... otherwise I would have to...............
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 19 Sep 2010, 9:55, 18 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Taken today...

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 19:51, 28 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Doesn't need to be a thread, but...
I had to post this:

I fell out of a chair laughing this morning. My husband who is this dignified, older silver-haired banker-type guy (God only knows why he married me) and who almost NEVER laughs aloud and I walked the dog a half mile down to the neighborhood coffee shop. We got our coffees and sat outside in full view of the traffic and pedestrians.
While he was describing his sister's hip replacement operation, he formed a small tunnel with his left hand right in front of his face to represent her femur and stuck his other index finger in there to be the metal joint. Then he proceeded to wiggle it in and out vigorously, illustrating what a hard time the doc had installing it.
When I grinned and nodded toward his hand motions, he first blanched and then turned 16 kinds of red when he realized what he was doing in public. I roared at his facial expression and truly did lose my balance in the chair.

We were both helpless-me with laughter, him with embarrassment.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 19:49, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Morning Internet.
What a great start to Saturday.

Despite going out to the pub last night and getting completly bongoed, I awoke this morning at 7 feeling a fresh as a daisy. So far, I've been for a nice walk, been to the caff for a full english, washed the car and done all my washing.

All that is left is for me to do is to have a shave and make a plan to go to the pub before football.

When did you last have a unexpectedly hangover free start to the weekend?

Alt Q: What makes you awesome?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 9:23, 69 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well would you look at this, eh?
A deserted O/T.

I come home, rather the worse for wear after watching Pakistan finally kick the stops out, play well and beat us.

I've got the house to myself, I've got wine, I think I'll have a little B3TA discourse before bed and there's no-one here.

HA!...(hear the echo)? I can do what I want now. Pose my own questions then answer them to my personal satisfaction.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:11, 50 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What's everyone having for lunch?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 15:41, 118 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's Uncle Wormulus's Agony couch
Tell me your problems and I will solve them for you.


* The responses I give are meant in jest and should not be followed, I accept no liability for anybody who actually takes my advice. For more information and terms and conditions please write to INTERNETLAWYERMAN, The internet.
( WormuIus, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:28, 184 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I was made to play Guitar Hero last night
As I have no rhythm, this was interesting. I also discovered my little fingers are now incredibly weak.

What's weak about you?

Alt: What is the answer to your problems?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:00, 142 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

WARNING: contains tedious personal details
I have just had a bewildering text from my ex, in which she is suggesting we get together over lunch on Sunday to discuss what I want 'going forward' (ghastly fucking American management newspeak gibberish) with regard to access to my daughter.

The last text she sent me read 'FUCK OFF' so this is an enormous leap forward. I don't dare begin hoping this could be the start of me being able to take her out on my own. She may have taken advice following my threat of further legal action and been told she had no case, though.

I am tentatively REALLY FUCKING EXCITED. Are you on my behalf? I do hope so.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:32, 48 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Ok, I'm really happy that QotW has made a topic in my honour
but really
www.b3ta.com/questions/massivedrugs/post869441
REALLY.
( WormuIus, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:18, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Friday thread
Looks like we could be about to enjoy a little reprieve and have somewhat of an Indian summer. What outdoor activities are you going to shoehorn in before autumn arrives proper?

Alt Q: What are you doing this weekend then b3ta?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 10:18, 141 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My question is
what the fuck happened to asking a fucking question?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:05, 36 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So, following on from the incest taboo thread last sunday...
just read this...
uk.news.yahoo.com/38/20100913/tod-irish-siblings-plan-to-get-married-045b8e8.html
discuss.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 8:45, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oh my god the new QOTW topic is DRUGS
This is our moment, people

In other news, following on from "Be a Cunt" day I'm maximising niceness round these 'ere parts. But in a slightly realistic way. I proclaim today to be "Say something nice about a B3tan whilst otherwise being a cunt" day!

I'll start. Bobby cracks me up, even if he does look like the ungodly consequences of a one-night stand 'twixt Justin Lee Collins and every member, past and present, of Megadeth

Your go
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 8:24, 79 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hey falstaffs spiritual successor
You like zombies?

Did you play the Interactive Zombie Movie?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 1:31, Reply)

Bargain!
What was the best bargain you've ever managed to bag?

Alt Q: When is it acceptable to put the heating on? I've gone a bit cold.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 18:57, 216 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Sooooo.....
How've we enjoyed the first ever 'Cunt Day'?

I think it's been great.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 17:11, 46 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Buddy Bear Maurice Oliver
As if having Jamie Oliver as your dad wasn't enough of a handicap in life, this is the name him and his mussus have given their new crotchfruit.

Poor kid.

What's the least fortunate name you've come across?

I once had to ring a Ms Fiona Cunto when I worked in a call centre...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 17:11, 8 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Can't be arsed to put this on links. They don't deserve it anyway.
I Like Breasts
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 16:49, 11 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right I'm about to take confessional
What would you like to confess?

Alt Q: how should you be punished for your sins?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:53, 93 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Actual question about teh moneys
How long would it take funds to appear if someone's paying money into my account by

a) A cheque

and

b) by going into a branch of my bank, with my account details and using a debit card to transfer the money.

And by "appear" I mean show up on my internet banking.

Apologies for the serious question. To make up for it I shall say flange.

Flange.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 15:16, 19 replies, latest was 15 years ago)