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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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God! I miss alcohol.
I'll be having plenty in a week and a half but I want some now. If I knew for certain I'd be hooking up with someone shortly then I'd happily not drink but what if I don't and I've missed all these drinking opportunities throughout the year.

/beakers

What do you really miss?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:17, 337 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
My 15" black rubber cock.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)
OK I'm done.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I miss your 15" black rubber cock too.
It made a fantastic draught excluder for the bedroom.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Where was the draft coming from?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)
The other side of the door obviously.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:25, Reply)
it's funny because...

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)
I know.......

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Did it bring happenis?

/coat
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)
A perfect ending

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Breasts
I like them.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:22, Reply)
You must have some lovely lady friends who would let you have a non-sexual nuzzle.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Very kind of you to offer!
Next weekend can't come soon enough!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Haha!
I did mean closer to home but no problem : )
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Hmm there are a few who might fit the bill
But I'm not going to just call them up and ask for a nuzzle.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Pfft!
Get them drunk first. Always works with me.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)
I'd probably have to be more drunk to ask
Than they would be to acquiesce.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Just slip them a g&t and say give us a go on your boobs : )
To be honest when you've had a few years of drug fuelled weekend parties where everyone was off their tree and huddled together then you get used to friendly groping.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)
I can't say that!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)
*takes notes*

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:39, Reply)
Money

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Texan bars.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:23, Reply)
I miss Aztec bars.
A cross between a milky way and a mars bar.

www.cadbury.co.uk/ourproducts/yesterday/Pages/Yesterday.aspx
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:27, Reply)
*wanks*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Well get back to Texas and start hitting them then.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Yes ma'am.
*doffs stetson*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Alcohol, Maverick Bars, My friend who lives in Singapore & not having to pay rent

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)
my mum
other than that, i can't think of anything i want that i haven't got.

oh, maybe for some of my friends to be like they were before they got married and had babies and turned rather dull.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Some capital letters maybe

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)
proper sentences with capital letters denote formality/pissed-off-ness
it's just how i roll, baby.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I get so much shit from Monty for typos that I need these small victories to massage my ego
Strikethrough as you see fit
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:35, Reply)

victories gerbils
ego prostate
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Haha!
But their kids are so clever. Other children in that age range are only boring to a Year 3 (???) level.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)
I totally thought you were laughing at her missing her mum
and I was like DUDE seriously even b3ta has lines.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)
God no!
Like you say, LINES.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Really?
REALLY?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:35, Reply)
*stands corrected*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:36, Reply)
Yeah but Al's a cunt

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)
When Al sees a line
he hears a starter's pistol.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:40, Reply)
When Monty sees a line
He rolls up a note.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:41, Reply)
It was very funny though

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:40, Reply)
God yes!
Why do people have to get married and have babies.

My mum's getting old now and I sometimes think of how I'll cope when she dies : (
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)
some people don't change
but lots get (i) boring; (ii) smug; (iii) both - and cannot see it at all. my brother is an excellent case in point. he was out every night once upon a time and now he and his fiancee stay in and cook, even on a friday night!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Maybe he *gasp* grew up?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Ban this sick filth!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:39, Reply)
nope
he just got very very old before his time.

your 40's are for buying curtains ffs!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Haha!
This is funny because Noel's buying/has bought curtains.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Hahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:46, Reply)
mais oui!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:54, Reply)
They were hand-me-downs, at least I didn't actively go out and choose the fucking fabrics.
*may possibly have thought about dyeing his ones*
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:14, Reply)
I fucking hate children
and I fucking hate new parents. Having a child doesn't actually make a person the ultimate authority on all things.

"As a mother..."

As a mother you can fuck off.

/unexpected vitriol
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)
I fucking hate children and new parents too.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:39, Reply)
ugh they're all like
ooh look my baby now has a tooth

WHO CARES
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I NO RITE

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:41, Reply)
How is the little angel anyhoo?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)
She now has a tooth.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Woohoo!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:47, Reply)
haha
How is she of toothiness?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Bitey!

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:45, Reply)
She was very sucky before so that makes sense
Has she biten catface on the nose yet?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:46, Reply)
More importantly
Is she taller than catface yet?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Yes to both of those.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Best news EVAH!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Your life must be misery

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Like some vision of hell.

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:46, Reply)
You have my sympathies, you poor, poor woman.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Yeah,
like today she and I got up at 10, then had some breakfast, hung out on the sofa for a while drinking coffee and eating a doughnut. (She wasn't allowed coffee. Or a doughnut.) I posted on here a bit, did some laundry, now she's off with Catface to get the shopping in and I'm finishing off some work. Later I'll have a big glass of wine while I cook dinner, then settle her in bed while I watch this week's episode of Being Human on iPlayer, pausing it every time Mitchell is on the screen, then I'll settle down for a reasonable night's sleep.

Hellish.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Woe =(

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Heh,
I gave up on Friday nights long before I got married or had kids. Overpriced bars and people in overpriced bars? When I could be sitting in front of the woodburner with a book, a bottle of wine and an obscene amount of cheese? No contest.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Exactly this.
(but I don't have a woodburner, so my 1970s Robinson Wiley gas fire will have to do.)
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Nothing wrong with staying in and cooking.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:39, Reply)
Or obscene amounts of veiney cheese.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:41, Reply)
*sniggers*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:07, Reply)
I got that boring before I got shacked up with someone. I think it's called getting old.
As I recall you're younger than me, so I predict you have about 3 months left before you start getting wet about gingham in fabric shops and staying in on a Friday.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)
SHACKED UP? I HOPE YOU'RE ENGAGED
NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)
I don't know anybody who's had a recent engagement TGB. Do you?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I'm not sure if it was recent
It feels like they have been talking about it forever
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Anyone would think it was 3 months and 11 days ago.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Where is the daft bugger anyway?
He's not been here for ages.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:49, Reply)
He's all 'doing work' and shit like that
I pester him by email all day so I'll mention you to him in the next one.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:50, Reply)
it's the breadmaker that denotes grown upness
I had one when I was married, but when I left, I very deliberately left it behind. In a way it's a shame, I like fresh bread
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:46, Reply)
I got a Kenwood AND a sewing machine for my 30th.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:51, Reply)
I had a sewing machine when I was in my 20s
but I think I'm a special case. Oh and I had a toy one when I was a kid (it actually was what I asked for)

No one would ever make the mistake of buying me kitchen things, though
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:53, Reply)
I love kitchen stuff
My nephew takes the piss because someone bought me Nigella measuring spoons.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Kenwoods rock, I got given a 1970s one that my mate was going to eBay.
Swiped my mum's sewing machine years ago cos she doesn't know how to use it.

We should start a bread machine subthread next and get al involved.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:55, Reply)
I need a sewing machine but considering all the other stuff I should be doing and aren't then it would just be another to add to the list.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:59, Reply)
I don't know how you live without one
get one that does embroidery then you can do all sorts of fun things with them
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:05, Reply)
I can live without a lot of things.
Apparantly.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:11, Reply)
I'm out
I do own 15 crochet hooks, though
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:59, Reply)
My sewing machine needs looking at, but I've no idea where to start
so I'll keep on using it until it dies.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:03, Reply)
I miss having two day weekends

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I miss nine week summer holidays.
*stares out of office window at griserable day*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Being at home every night of the week

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Did she kick you out?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:57, Reply)
My 1990 Golf GTi
Tedious answer is tedious.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Hugs mainly
sometimes it's just nice to sit in a tangled heap of limbs and stuff with someone and watch crap tv in your pyjamas with a bowl of snacks balanced on your belly. The lack of cuddles is probably the worst thing about being single.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:34, Reply)
oh god i hate being cuddled!
it makes me froth with rage.

yes i like you, yes we have amazing sex, it's all good. but there is another sofa right over there... look.....
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Yes but you are weird about a lot of things
half eaten food, for example. I'm not very touchyfeely, I don't often hug my friends, but a cuddle when you want one is one of the nicest things in the world.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:40, Reply)
She also doesn't eat meat.
Weird woman.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:41, Reply)
WATCH IT YOU CUNT
/involuntary Chompy moment
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)
it's ok if it turns to sex
otherwise it's too soppy and emotional!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)
You're such a hard woman.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:45, Reply)
*No hugs*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)
this

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)
*Hugs*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)
*is slightly awkward*

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:39, Reply)
*Hugs*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I've been getting them recently, and while it's awesome, now I want more!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:40, Reply)
*Hugs*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Fuck off Maxi

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:45, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:47, Reply)
Hugs are lovely *hugs*

(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:48, Reply)
*hugz4u lolz*

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Travel.
I really really really want to be in some far-flung, obscure or just plain different place right now. No money though.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:36, Reply)
This, not that I've ever really done it to miss it.
I am going to Croatia at easter though, woo!
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)
It's supposed to be lovely, my friends went there last year.
*jealouses*
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I can send you a postcard if you like?
I always found that made me more annoyed that I wasn't where the sendee was, though...
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:51, Reply)
*does the going to India dance*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:50, Reply)
You've decided on Goa rather than Sri Lanka then?

(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Not yet.
I just count Sri Lanka as India for ease of posting.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Flights to Goa are not nearly as expensive as I thought
*ponders*
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Ponder a bit stronger.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:01, Reply)
being in bed with someone else
seriously I woke up with that sleep paralysis thing in the middle of last night convinced there was someone in my room. scared the crap out of me
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Mmmm I'm not so convinced about that one
I sleep much better when there isn't 15+ stone of snoring flailing manflesh next to me.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:41, Reply)
I didn't know you and Lab were once together?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:46, Reply)
I doubt even the weight of Labs cumulative chins
could equal that of my last boyfriend. He was 6'5.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:56, Reply)
I did that at Uni
Stupid Darth Vader cut-out
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)
there was no reason for mine
I just convinced myself that there was someone there and I could feel them moving the duvet but I couldn't make myself move. I just about rolled over slightly, but felt something under my back which was clearly their arm and not (as it turned out) a book and my phone.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Dreaming about me, eh
It happens to everyone eventually. It'll pass
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:12, Reply)
your arm is like a book and a phone?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Have you been spying on me?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
I totally should
I know who you are and you don't know who I am. This is a good start
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)
I've just remembered that the security settings on my FB profile are shithouse
and my profile picture is fucking obvious
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:49, Reply)
the photo's how I knew you knew her
that and the tracking bugs I put on your coat. you should make notes for stalking Bella
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:51, Reply)
That makes perfect sense actually
So you'd already done some preliminary stalking before ascertaining that we had a mutual friend. I'm flattered, frankly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
yeah, I wasn't even trying
I just thought, hmm, that picture looks familiar
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:57, Reply)
That implies you watched me on t'telly
Stalker! I would say the decent thing to do would be to friend me, but I imagine that would be against your principles
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:01, Reply)
then I wouldn't have the edge on you
(also you were on a list for a certain bash recently)
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:01, Reply)
BGB's bash?
That's still a maybe. How are you planning to stalk me whilst socialising with the same people?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:05, Reply)
not that one
but that would be an interesting challenge
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:06, Reply)
Oh right
Which one then?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:09, Reply)
you suck at counter stalking

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Eh, effort
We've established that you have a massive advantage already, and have probably briefed our mutual friend not to provide me with any information about you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)
I was trying to talk about your boobs in the other thread
Priorities, darling
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Sorry!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:48, Reply)
So yeah, The B3ta Bra Size Database (BBSDb)
needs more entries. At the minute yours are the smallest
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Yours aren't that big are they?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Your definition of big is obviously different from most humans'

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:53, Reply)
I really can't believe that.
Who else is on the list?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:56, Reply)
CHCB and Amberl
It may be disproportionate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I'm galloping towards a C
if that helps?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:01, Reply)
those guys make me feel flat chested

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:01, Reply)
If you're talking boob size relative to height and build then I can agree with that.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:03, Reply)
I meant the graph is disproportionate
In the respect that everyone featured has massive boobs
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Put me on
It will definitely balance it out.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:13, Reply)
I thought that was BETWEEN US
/emo
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Pfft
clearly I am not on the list then.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Details please
*produces clipboard, hides tape measure, looks hopeful*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Christ man, anyone would think your fag-tag gave you every excuse to pander to all the girls here.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
All of you calling me a bumder every day
are basically enablers
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:22, Reply)
I think I've only ever done it once, when it was staring me in the face.
/easily misunderstood
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)
To be honest I can't keep track of everyone who has and hasn't called me a gay so I tend to generalise
People who do call me a bumder = B3tans
People who don't = theoretical
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:30, Reply)
I try not to do memes, it's how I roll.
That "busted tattoo" one was too easy though.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)
That was quality, fair play
Somehow you've distracted me from ascertaining Berk's bra size. Don't you care about the BBSDb?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:38, Reply)
I miss not having enough money to buy a new pair of shoes a week
and still be able to get hammered three nights a week.

Stupid real life getting in the way.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:50, Reply)
I can change your birthday present to SHOES if you like

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:51, Reply)
You'd probably get it wrong
I'm much more fussy about shoes than drugs.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Yes
Yes I would
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I'm not doubting your taste
I wouldn't trust anyone to buy shoes for me.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:12, Reply)
I'm pretty good with underwear
And I know your size, too
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Bet you don't.
That is NOT an invite to speculate on my underwear size.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:28, Reply)
Check your texts

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)
Well that was sufficiently creepy.
Have you been spying on me?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
I have my sources
*slips AA a fiver*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Yeah, I'm just going to assume you're stalking me.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:38, Reply)
As if I can afford binoculars

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I dedicate the tins I'll be having tonight to you

(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:56, Reply)
I still get hammered
I just do it in my house, alone, and without new shoes.

In fact, I'm drinking wine RIGHT NOW.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:10, Reply)
I'm just wondering how many of Tesco's finest it'll take to get completely ratarsed

(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Finest?
Well lah-di-fucking-dah.

If you were even halfway serious about getting ratarsed you would favour quantity, and know the answer as to numbers would be "as many as it takes to make me blind".
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Tesco has a finest? All I've ever seen is the 2% value. It'll take a crate and half

(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:18, Reply)
Ah, I thought you meant "Tesco Finest"
My scornful disdain is hereby withdrawn. Happy getting shitfaced.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)
:)

(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:22, Reply)
I'm not sure of a solution to that
But I would advise against buying a £12 bottle of wine, before being too much of a wuss/lazy to return it

I still feel a retard about that
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Cigarettes.
Those seductive sirens beckon me each and every day.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:55, Reply)
DON'T DO IT TUGGERS!
Think of the children.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Gasp, he's a paedo?!?!

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:59, Reply)
As an oral replacement?
Good god woman - I thought I was twisted.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:00, Reply)
Hey! At least they're not taxable.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:02, Reply)
Gives new meaning to 'bumming a fag'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:02, Reply)
You're advocating paedophilia over nicotine addiction?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:00, Reply)
I'm not advocating anything.
I'm just saying.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:06, Reply)

*stares wistfully into the distance*
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 14:58, Reply)
You too, huh?
*cries*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:01, Reply)
All the cool kids smoke
THEY NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE :((((((((((
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Only try to fuck uncool kids then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Sleep
What with 3 year old kid who sleeps from 7pm-6am without fail even on weekends and pregnant wife who gets up 57234890 times a night I get fuck all sleep. Oh an Noel's 15" black rubber cock
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:00, Reply)
Give the wife Noel's meaty truncheon.
If that doesn't wear her out, beat her over the head with it until she is unconscious.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Are you asking for a reacharound?
in your sig
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Not at all.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)
Wait till you're 60 and getting up several times in the night to pee and then you can get some revenge.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:07, Reply)
When I am 60
My wife will be dead from a heart attack due to her ridiculous stress levels and my daughters will be 34 and 31 and hopefully living elsewhere. I will happily piss the bed.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I miss being 24, it was a good year for me.
If I had to choose a year to live over and over again, it would definately be 2001.

Although that does mean 9/11 would happen over and over again.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:06, Reply)
You haven't really thought it through have you?
Thousands of people would die over and over again so you could enjoy yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:08, Reply)
But when my groundhog year resets, they'd all be alive again
which makes me a hero until their inevitable horrific deaths happen again
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Ahhhh, 34 years old.
Good times!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:09, Reply)
29 was a good year for me.
Not 1929, my age.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:10, Reply)
I like old people

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:10, Reply)
*shakes fist*
*remembers when B3TA was all fields*

Whippersnappers.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Sorry old man, even I've been here longer!
Haha
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)
I'm almost 8
in your face!
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:18, Reply)
This revelation makes all future decisions regarding flirting with you more difficult

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)
nonce!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
POTENTIAL nonce
I said the decision was difficult, not impossible. Flirting comes as easily to me as breathing. Ask our mutual friend
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:23, Reply)
In my wrinkly face!
Only 5 years for me.

I am 37 though!!!

*contemplates suicide*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)
you are nearly dead, then

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Only from the waist down.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Oi!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)
oops!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)
15 years older than me, not too bad

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)
Seriously?
Jesus!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:26, Reply)
Aye
Poppet, Applebite, Bella, Barry and Lampito are all younger than me too.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:28, Reply)
Did Ross Noble
call you a young Dickhead?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:30, Reply)
Nope, just a dickhead

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:31, Reply)
The age difference
thing is a quite an eye opener sometimes.

I like the extra cash and experience and independence at work but there is no substitute for good, old fashioned youth.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
I've got good experience for someone my age, spent 4 years working in the plastic cards business
Self trained in networking too, but I do need to get a qualification before that's any use elsewhere.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
And you have loads of time
to get it done.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)
I liked '01 too
I had a lot of fun that year. Lots of people didn't, but who cares about them, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:12, Reply)
11th September 2001 was a momentous day
That was the last time I saw my natural hair colour
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)
It was a Tuesday, I punched someone in the throat.
And something happened in America, but who cares?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)
I don't know who you punched in the throat at the age of 12,
but I assume he was trying to stop you keying his motor

/localstereotypinglols
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:33, Reply)
Nope, the dickhead was my age
Also, I was 13
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
2003/2004 were good years for me
Girls in my year had just discovered alcohol, and the year of the low standards began!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)
I quite enjoyed 2003
but 2004 can fuck off *shakes fist at 2004*
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:18, Reply)
you're a bit late for that
about 7 years too late.

idiot.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)
Easy tiger
feeling poorly is no excuse for name calling
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:28, Reply)
it was a term of affection
i was ruffling your hair whilst saying it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:28, Reply)
Just don't ask her for a hug.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:30, Reply)
he knows better than that

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:33, Reply)
2005 was fucking brilliant.
I spent the entire summer out in the warm, drinking nice beers and having great parties. *gets misty eyed* Damned growing up.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
I liked 2005
I dumped my bitch of an ex (YAY!)
But didn't have sex for the rest of the year (BOO!)
And went to Dublin (YAY!)
But saw Coldplay there (BOO!)

and so on
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:30, Reply)
the boo-ness of the second point very much depends on timing
if you dumped her on 31 dec, that's not too bad.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Soon after new year
doh
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
so you dumped her on new years day and before valentines day?
god you're a hard man.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
I think it was the second week of January
funnily enough she did have a pop at me for finishing it a month before valentines day.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
I finished with someone ON Valentines day once
he was properly windowlicking mad though, I was only going out with him by accident.
I did not let this deter me from eating the chocolates I was given.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)
When I was younger, I dumped a girl in her Valentine's day card
Not my nicest moment.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:52, Reply)
I see
you like your dumpings to be as memorable as they are traumatic.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're a spacktard
and i'm dumping you
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:54, Reply)
6 little words...

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:54, Reply)
i am not sure whether to take this as
her selfishness because she would be all alone and gift-less on valentines day. or your cruel heartlessness for leaving her all alone on valentines day.

*flips coin*

yeah, just as i thought!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:51, Reply)
I wouldn't be too concerned, she's a married woman now
I assume her husband has the patience of a saint
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
most likely she'd been hoping you were going to propose
and when you dumped her instead, she married the next one on the rebound.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Ah well, it's better to have yadda-yadda-yaddad
than to have never mermy-schmermed at all.

A saying that it as true today as it ever was.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:04, Reply)
ffs
i am really feeling seriously ill now. this is just rude. i didn't ask for a cold, i don't want it, i want to give it BACK.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Do you like lemonade?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:17, Reply)
This sounds like one of those primary school no-win questions
"Are you skill?"

err...yeah

"HA HA, You have African bum disease!"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Were you born in hospital?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Yes
Yes I was
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Born in horse-piddle.
Sorry, Skill/ABD made me regress 30 years.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)
African bum disease always makes me giggle.
But that's probably because I don't have it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:23, Reply)
That's because you're not skill like me
oh shit
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)
yes
both the traditional sort (so long as there is no pulp. "god help you if i find pulp") and the fizzy sort. why, does that help?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:23, Reply)
Drop some Beechams powders into some hot lemonade

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)
interesting
i am going to shuffle off to boots before dinner with my client, will see what i can do. thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
There are so many more sensible and nutritious options
but this remedy always makes me feel like I'm a kid and I feel all better and looked after.
And hot lemo gives the strangest most satisfying fizz on your tongue.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:38, Reply)
If it helps you at all
I seem to have an impacted wisdom tooth coming through...on the side I've already had a wisdom tooth removed from. When you get a return address for that cold, do let me know - I've got a tooth they can have as well as your germs.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)
ouch
that sounds horrendous.

i only ever got one wisdom tooth (shut up!), it's been happily minding its own business half-in and half-out since i was 17 and hasn't hurt or made the others go crooked, so it can stay put so far as i am concerned.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)
It just means you have a big mouth.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)
i would lovea bigger mouth, like angelina or anne hathaway or julia roberts
but i am stuck with my own dogs-bottom-look-alike.

i can get my fist in it though. it's my USP.

*cheers up a tiny bit*
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I have all my wisdom teeth and I can't get my fist in my mouth.
Which is just as well with my crap gagging reflex.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Did you not follow the Roota Routine for eliminating gagging?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Lose the gag reflex from attending bukkake parties?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:40, Reply)
Squeeze your thumb at the same time?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
I got bored of nearly throwing up every time I cleaned my teeth.
I'll just keep on getting by. Guys aren't that fussy when they've got a gob round their willy.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
But if they have a throat round it they're putty
Ew. Let's stop this conversation.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:51, Reply)
Nooo!
About another two minutes please, if that's OK with you ladies.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:53, Reply)
I have other mad sex skillz.
Like rarely saying no.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
That is a definite aphrodisiac
*insert clip of Polly from Fawlty Towers singing 'I Cain't Say No'*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I had all my wisdom teeth removed when I was 16.
All 4 of them out at once (not that they'd come through, but the signs were they were growing in the wrong direction), so they hacked into my gums to yank 'em out.

I ended up with a couple of black eyes and I could taste blood for a couple of weeks.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:38, Reply)
there, there.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Fanks

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:52, Reply)
fangs, more like

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
heh

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:04, Reply)
How massive is your mouth is you can get your fist in it?!
Either that or you have tiny hands

*scratches RSwipe off Handjob list*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
neither! you can see that my mouth and hands are well-proportioned on my profile or on fb, thank you v much.
i just saw on tv that only 1 in 1M people can do it, thought "ok i'll give it a go".

woohoo.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
I just tried to do it
I assumed I'd be able to, but I can't. Now my mouth hurts and I feel a bit stupid, because I think my neighbours (and since I assume Darth is hiding in my front garden, him too) saw me.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
Not funny
I was half expecting a text from Darth saying "Well, that didn't go well, did it?"
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
I don't stalk you in daylight hours
You might see me. Try again around 6ish, would you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:47, Reply)
I'm at work then.
Sorry.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I know
I'll still be able to see you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:51, Reply)
*scratches RSwipe off Handjob list*
Why - did her comment push you over the edge into Dangerwank mode?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
*washes hands*
Sorry, what were you saying?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Cand dalk......handssshhh shhhhtuckkkk in moooowwwffff.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)
i love that all over the country there are poeple
at their desks trying to put their fists in their mouths

could be worse I suppose
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:52, Reply)
Sorry - were we supposed to be fisting our mouths?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:54, Reply)
I'm not
tried it before
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:57, Reply)
Hahaha

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:53, Reply)
Are you kidding?
A woman with small hands makes your nob look huge.

* awaits obvious paedo jibes *
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
And if you're lucky they say something encouraging
about not being able to get their hand around it. Hopefully followed by "I'd better use my mouth then"

Sorry, I appear to have gone over to The Bad Place
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)
You can fit your fist in your mouth?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)
aye

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)
What, all of it?
*tries and fails*
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Bloody hell.
Edit - I was just asked what I was doing. Rather sheepishly told colleague I was failing to fit my fist in my mouth.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:39, Reply)
hahahhaa
I can barely fit two fingers in my mouth
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Have you got meaty saveloy fingers?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
like gigantic penises

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)
That should make self-abuse a rather surreal event

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)

*instates the Professor on Handjob list*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
haha
i wish so much i could see pics of you all trying and failing.

the key is to shove one side in first, then the other.

it is NOT pretty and i would NOT do it in front of anyone i wanted to bone me.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)
I'm subtly trying to do it at work

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I'm hoping you succeed and get your hand stuck.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Oh 'uck!
*dribbles*
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I don;t think it's something that can be achieved subtly, to be honest.

(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)
The look from my boss on the next desk confirms this...

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I just remembered
Although I can't fit my fist in my mouth, I can fit my whole self into a small gym locker.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:01, Reply)
I almost got one.
It poked out on my 21st birthday and got a quarter of the way out.
There's no room for any more. They're there, because I've seen the x-rays, but it's doubtful that they'll 'erupt'.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:33, Reply)
When the first one impacted it was like being kicked in the face with an iron boot, constantly
they gave me penicillin to take the swelling down so they could remove it. I'm allergic to penicillin. I did not know this until the stuff nearly killed me, and then I had to have a bastard tooth ripped from my poor unsuspecting jaw as well.
Fuckers. How the hell I have another tooth trying to erupt in the same space I do not know.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
Free Festivals
Decent raves
Texan bars
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Proper E's?
£15=11 hours.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)
8 of which are spent trying to make friends with everyone in the field.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:39, Reply)
Or stroking the grass in my case
e was boring.
(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)
That's a euphemism I've not heard before...

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:47, Reply)
I heard that e's are good e's are good
whoah-oh, it's Ebeneezer Goode
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)
Can't say I've ever been bored on it.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:53, Reply)
*gurns*
*shakes hand of unsuspecting passer-by*

"Hello mate, Mat. South London"

"Nice one!"
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)
There was some of this, too.

(berk, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)
Best one I heard of was a friend was approached at a rave...
...by a guy with tears streaming down his face. He handed him £12, apologised for selling him a cold capsule earlier, hugged him, asked if they 'were cool' and wandered off looking for the rest of his customers.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Ecstasy
Is NOT the drug dealer's friend!

I remember swapping 2 joints for 3 pills (when they were £15 each) with some guy who was whacked off his gourd.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:01, Reply)
Sorted.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:04, Reply)
It fucking was when I sold it.
Luckily my mother was so dim that M&S clothing pricing was her benchmark: the fact that her son was dripping in Armani etc but was on the dole was not in any way odd to her.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)
May I point out the last one is a chocolate bar,
I don't miss drinking establishments in the state of Texas- although I'll bet they're fucking great.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 15:57, Reply)
Only two things come from Texas, boy.
Steers and queers. And I bet you would not be fussy about fucking either.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:00, Reply)
I didn't know you were from Texas, Tuggers old chap.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:19, Reply)
*limps wrist*
"Mooooooo."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 16:31, Reply)

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