Righty-ho. Freitag is here. The bank holiday weekend is here. Grey, windy weather is here.
I do hope Chateau le Blouse isn't washed away by terrible floods on Saturday night, leaving literally tens of bedraggled ba$h0rz clinging to the roofs of jerry-built terraced houses, cradling bottles of smelly brown beer in their weedy arms and sobbing their little hearts out that if only they were in the affluent south where people can afford warm, dry weather, they wouldn't be in this mess - like ARBITER OF TASTE Monty Boyce who AT THIS VERY MINUTE is safely ensconced within the womblike embrace of Aylesbury Waterside Theatre, getting his stone groove on and frugging wildly to the crazy freak-out sounds of septuagenarian space-rockers Hawkwind. But no, not us. Here we are, our faces streaked with coal and tears, wi'out so much as a coop 'a' Tetley to warm uz cockles. Eeh, shite, lad.

My question to you is a simple one: Why don't you? Why-y-y don'y you? Just switch off your television set and go out and do something less boring instead*?

*such as set fire to an abandoned fridge on a derelict industrial site, or build a bomb-shelter out of your own shit, eh 'Belfast Gang'?

Alt for those under 35 who have no clue about my previous Q: tell me something about you or your life that I might find interesting or amusing, such as
a) the funniest thing you've seen lately
b) the worst case of 'making an idiot of oneself' you've seen lately.

Something like that. Go on, post something. This is also a LURKER AMNESTY. I promise to make up a LOLARIOUS NICKNAME OR MEME about you that will make you feel IMPORTANT AND INCLUDED in the /OT LOL-gang. Look at Happybara - he's a genuine legend on here and all we needed was some basic information about his femurs and the scent of his missus's anus, and now look at him.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:20, 232 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I love you Boycie!
I know it's a bit early in the relationship to mention the L word but I just cant hold back any longer. I love you and I want the world to know.

Don't tell Lusty though.
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:26, Reply)

LOVE YOU TOO, BIGGERS!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:29, Reply)

*feels blessed*
I'm sure the funniest thing anyone saw, were they around at the time, was me hurtling down a water slide at the speed of light while trying to make sure my tankini bottoms didn't come off.
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:31, Reply)

Flume flange
Nothing better than a tasteful glimpse of clopper on the waterslides.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:33, Reply)

I was also trying very hard to look like I was enjoying it.
I know women can multitask but fuck me it was hard work.
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:34, Reply)

Hahahahahahhahaahahahhaah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:35, Reply)

I have no words today.
I'm hungover to fuck, and my back is absolutely killing me, I think I must have fallen over last night.

Please, someone pray to the God of Hangovers to FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:34, Reply)

'Dear God of hangovers,
please don't leave AA alone, but instead send shards of brilliant white sunlight to jab at his eyelids like the spears which tormented our Lord Jesus Christ. Make his mouth feel like a cancerous camel has shat in it. May his wee be the colour of broon ale and may a MASSIVE PROBLEM AT WORK come to torment his morning and frustrate any hopes he may have harboured of sneaky 5-minute kip in the disabled bogs.

All this, in your name we pray'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:38, Reply)

You're such a cunt.
Haha
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Nice
Very Evangelic.

There are shards of sunlight tormenting my booze soaked carcass as we speak. I have acquired that full body hangover sheen of sweat, and I'm concerned about my ability to see the day out.

I fear the worst.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Not me old boy. Fresh as a fuckin' daisy.

A very old, haggard daisy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I have a slight hangover.
Did a bit of training last night for the weekend.
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:49, Reply)

I shall be doing a 3 mile run tonight so I am match fit for all the fairgrounding tomorrow.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:58, Reply)

I had a couple of bottled ales
but mostly failed to go to bed until gone midnight, ensuring under 7 hours sleep for the 5th night in a row and ensuring I will be an utter cunt to everyone today. I almost made my stupidest co-worker cry yesterday, good job she's not in today or I might end up in a disciplinary.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I had 2 Badger ales last night
I think I've found my new favourite brewery...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I do like a whole bunch of theirs
but I won't be tied down, man.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Fursty Ferret is just beautiful

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Because I need time off from my exam study.
I was going to say - go visit Noel. You're not far from him if you're in Aylesbury.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:37, Reply)

Noel will be with me ooop north.
Permission to fondle your boyfriend?
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:41, Reply)

God he's such a cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Only if you do it with a smile. :P
and his say-so. I have a feeling he'll be in a good mood anyway!
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:43, Reply)

I do all my fondling with a smile.

( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Well then I guess you can fondle away.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:47, Reply)

I notice she said nothing about his say-so
*insert shameful joke making light of sexual assault here*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I would get Crow to give you a titfondle a year too late
but seeing as it was supposed to be from me I'll do it myself.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Hooray!

( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:49, Reply)

;)

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:51, Reply)

remember when I fondled your norks in London while I was a bit drunk?
*eyes glaze over*
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Of course I do.
They were like two boozy pillows that night.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:52, Reply)

they really were. It was great.
I was telling my friend cassie about that the other day. She laughed and called me a booze tart.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Haha! My breasts are famous.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

If Noel was HALF A MAN
he'd be coming to Hawkwind. There's a TINY POSSIBILITY that is may just not have sold out (tries to keep straight face) and I'd love to see him but I'm too shy (that's a nod to Kajagoogoo who were, as my brother never fails to remind me, from Leighton Buzzard where he lives) to ask. I'll pay for half his ticket.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:41, Reply)

You big sookie la la.
be a man and ask.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Big fucking WHAT, love?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:45, Reply)

sookie la la.
Wuss. Pansy. Cry baby.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:46, Reply)

It's Forrin, Monters
and not the good forrin, like "Chateauneuf du Pape", "Hashish" or "Blitzkrieg".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I was bouncing back and forward between home and Aylesbury last night, passed the theatre four times as I ran my chum about.
His missus dropped a 10lb daughter on the world at half three this morning, I reckon the past few days have been a bit of a roller-coaster for the pair of them but whatever, I am FUCKED. I probably would have been up for Hawkwind, not really my mug of coffee but a gig's a gig innit, I'm sure I'd have enjoyed it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Morning Monty
Hope you have a good time at Hawkwind.
The wife suggested that we switch off the TV tonight and play board games or some such shit. Without alcohol. Or it being Christmas. This will not end well.

a) It's still the Cameron *high-five*
b) See above
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Good Morning 'Bill Clay'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:42, Reply)

If that's my LOLARIOUS NICKNAME you're clearly not making an effort

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Well you need to supply some more ammo.
Use Happybara as a template. Perhaps you too have deformed limbs or a wife with anal musk issues?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

As I am under 35, I will move on to the Alt:
a. I watched an original episode of Doctor Who (well an old one). It was hilarious. Ly bad. But in the best way.
b. I walked into a doorframe yesterday but that's all par for the course.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:48, Reply)

a) what was it about? I may have to watch it.
b) I did that the other day. it wasn't fun.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 May 2011, 8:49, Reply)

It was the first one of a mini-series- "Genesis of the Daleks"
I'd drunk several glasses of red wine by that point so was a big giggly.
As for the latter, I came home yesterday so had MASSIVE BAGS. And I have no spacial awareness :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Are they fun bags?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:51, Reply)

The largest is a boring grey colour.
Not particularly "fun"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Did your breasts overbalance you?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:51, Reply)

They haven't done in a while
I have knocked things over with them, and they keep me from playing pool.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Are you ba$hing?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:54, Reply)

All the cool people are going to Blousies
Anyone that isn't, or hasn't been allowed to, is a boring twat with a personal hygiene problem. The only exception to this is Clendrix who has lots of important work to do.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:56, Reply)

^this
Be there or be square!
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:59, Reply)

I don't have a choice!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:00, Reply)

I thought you were coming?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I was meant to be, but my friend bought me gig tickets for my birthday
And the gig is tomorrow night, in Leeds.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

OMG! Is it Green Day!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Nope, if it was them I'd have told him to fuck off, and going to the Bash instead
Sadly It's got a few damn good bands on, so I don't really want to miss it. I even checked if there were any trains to Todmorden once it finished, but the last one is at 10:30, so that's a no.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

A few good bands
If you're 12.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Ooooooo, Burn.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Yep, but who doesn't enjoy revisiting their youth?
Granted, when Blousie does it we're treated to flickery pictures, and ragtime piano...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Oof! Harsh times
Mayhap we shall dance the Charleston this weekend.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Didn't we once have a chat about High Rise?
In which case you FUCKING RULE, DUUUDE.

If not, piss off you fucking cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I like Reel Big Fish and Less Than Jake
I have not heard of any of the others. None the less, I hope you have fun.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Goldfinger are very good as well.
They're a bunch of protesting twats, but their music is superb.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

A bunch of 'rollers', you mean?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Worse
Vegan protesting twats.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Oh dear. Oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)

My thoughts exactly

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I've got a bunch of Less Than Jake mp3s
Didn't realise they were still going.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Aye, they're fucking brilliant live

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Is it CombiChrist at InFest?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Never listened to them, and that's in Bradford.
Sorry to disappoint, Monty!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

OH MAN YOU HAVEN'T LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE HEARD 'FUCK THAT SHIT' BY 'THE CHRIST'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

I AM THE CHRIST, YOU FOOL!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

OH YEAH, SORRY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Yes, yes I am.
Then Crow is coming back to visit Lacedaemonia and meet the ancestral tiger. And my dad.

I'm taking him to a pub that used to be a public toilet, to make him feel at home.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Is Crowsephine coming tomorrow?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:00, Reply)

He's already up, visiting his bezzie in Leeds

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Hahaha!
I totally have a double bed for you and Crow available at my sisters but no jiggy jiggy as it's my nephew's bed.
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Aww thank you!
Do I still need to bring a sleeping bag, just in case? Crow has his anyway. Or he should do...

And of course not, I do have some sense of courtesy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Yeah! bring it just in case : )
I know, I was joking. I have no probs you being rogered while bent over his TV though.
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:03, Reply)

You'll be using the bathtub like normal people instead.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Shit, totally forgot a sleeping bag.
Knew there was something. Heading over straight from work you see.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Spin one from your own jizz, like a pornographic silk worm

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Then I could wait 'til it hardens
Then burst from it like a beautiful butterfly.
Or a manky jizz-stained cunt.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

See you soon hon : )

( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Hurrah!
About half six-ish I reckon. Train from Wakefield to Leeds are fairly frequent.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Like the passing of guiness and meat based stools

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:07, Reply)

An apt comparison with Wakefield some would say

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Gaz me your address
I have bowie CD's for you.
( Peej, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Have you been on the MDs this morning?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:04, Reply)

I have not.
This weekend, however, I shall have a two-pronged Class A assault on my nervous system.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

You're in worryingly good form today Monters
Good morning. Just to disprove your suggestion that anyone under 35 doesn't remember Why Don't You?, I am and do. It was fucking shit.

Alts a) and b) will both be happening later today, as I have been pressed into service making a LOLWAKI video short about our site to post on the work intranet. This basically involves me dancing around our bank of desks, talking about what we do and introducing the team, before yanking my friend Zoe out of her seat and twirling her underarm into a throwaway oversway. I'm thinking a few badacadas, locksteps and swivels, but am open to suggestions.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:09, Reply)

You should bend her over the desk and smash her back doors in whilst chanting
I'M MARTIN 32 FROM IPSWITCH AND WE CAN FIX YOUR TELECOMMUNICATIONS ISSUES WITHOUT SCREWING YOU CALL ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

OK then, I'll see if she's up for it
She's not
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

You realise this video is going to make both you and your company look quite tragic.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I know
But luckily the only people who see it will be people who work for the same company
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

You're one step away from becoming Howard from the Halifax
And noone wants that.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I am picturing Darth sitting at a mixing desk, lip syncing to "I've had the time of my life"

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Hahaha!
Noone puts Darthey in a corner!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Howard from the Halifax probably does
Might give him a career revival, innit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I think he should be more than happy with his rediscovered obscurity

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

He could probably avoid catcalls in the street if he wore contact lenses

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

It was a bit of a strange career move after Danger Mouse right enough.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Cor, Chief!
I used to do a wicked Penfold impression.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Hahaha
That mental image is going to keep me giggling like a loon all day
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)

officelol right here

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)

'I certainly do!'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

"the only people who see it will be people who work for the same company"
Youtube - viral remix - 15 minutes of fame - celebrity judge on "So You think you can dance" - "My booze and drugs hell"

Best of luck!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Walk in the park mate
I certainly couldn't do a worse job as judge than that Cisco twat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I'm guessing that most of the suggestions received will be "fuck off"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I have literally never wanted you more.
Morning, you raving bumder. What the fuck do any of those immensely gay-sounding terms mean?

No, don't tell me, I really don't care.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Morning gorgeous
I won't then
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Also
Imagine a strikethrough of everything after the word 'yanking'. I think you can do the rest yourself.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I certainly did last night

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Where do you work
so that I can never go for a job there?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

A mission critical telecommunications integrator
According to the guss on my screensaver. Which I can't change.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Bank Holiday weekend is imminent!!
I'm not lo1b@$hing, this makes me a little sad as I won't get to meet the obviously wonderful and glamorous Blousie; however it also means I don't have to go to the doctors for any shots before travling into the heart of darkness up North
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)

But it's a small price to pay for meeting me : (

( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I may be at the Summer London bash briefly, so if you come down
we can hug it out then
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Huzzah!

( girlinthehole, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Morning mate
Quick Q - it wasn't you who sent me an FB friend request with an hilarious name and profile, was it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Morning bumder
No, I don't do lolwaki FB I save that for here.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Didn't think it was likely
especially given our previous convo about FB, but I couldn't think of another B3tan who might send me a friend request
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I don't think I've made a new friend on FB for a year or so

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I seem to be collecting b3tans at the moment.
Seriously, they're fucking everywhere!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

And what does that tell you?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I'm a miserable git
i know this already
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I was going for
"nobody likes you"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

This is also true

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Now we've got that out of the way, let's talk cricket
If there'll even be any today
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I was considering sending you a friend request
but I was worried that when I clicked on your profile that you might actually be me - minus the dancing and buggery obviously.

Morning DF!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 27 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

That's Noel
He has a crocodile.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

But I'm already friends with Noel!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Yes, but you're not friends with the crocodile!
All the cool kids are. Except me. I don't do crocodiles.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

You go for the Oldigators

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

That's harsh, cow.
Picking on an OAP.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

This is poor Sporty, must try harder D-

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

It was a bit shit, yes
Sorry all
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

You have a high average so this shouldn't affect your end of year mark
*ruffles hair*
*buggers*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Get with the times man!
Kyle is cool
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I think I might end up getting naughty stepped
www.b3ta.com/questions/bestandworstfood/post1217274

www.b3ta.com/questions/bestandworstfood/post1217376#answers-post-1217466
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Oh Al you are such a card!
EDIT: What's the fantasy lives bit about?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)

WBM/Batshitmentalist flounced
a few weeks later, a wholesome American dude called "Rogerthestarfish" appeared, talking about his trip to Manchester (he lived in the US in a place called "Farmville") and how he had proposed to his girlfriend Crystal.

Roota had her suspicions, and lo and behold "Roger" wasn't Roger, but WBM.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Ahh, I thought she just changed her name to avoid the likes of Al!
I wonder if she is reading this thread right now....
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

You are certainly living 'la vie dangereux' there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

*whistles*
Bloody hell.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Careful now al,
that's veering towards the Bert end of the spectrum.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Oooooo, harsh.
The first is, admittedly, a cheap shot.

But she really does have some serious problems.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:21, Reply)

You are definately the person to help her through them
I think it's called "tough love"...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

What can I say, I feel like I have a calling.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Al's psychotherapy - if it doesn't kill it cures!*
*no refunds due to trips to KFC,mortgage payment, broken windows, or loss of earnings due to feeding cats monies
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:26, Reply)

If it doesn't kill - he'll send round Chompy

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I wonder if it would help her to know that they sale Caramac bars across the road from me?
I'm not saying it will help, the death of one's beloved mother is a very hard thing, but I really like Caramac.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

And they do grape'n'lychee flavoured tic tac, which might also help.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

You should mention the Yop too.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Caramacs taste like sweetened smegma

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

How do you know?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I'm half and half on this
I don't mind people joking about my mother, because frankly, I'm a sick motherfucker.

But if someone was still upset about it, I wouldn't dare joke about it with them, it'd be very cunty.

The only reason I'm not telling you that you're a massive cunt is because I think she's a complete knob, therefore I don't give a shit what she thinks.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

What happened to your mum, if you don't mind me asking
feel free to tell me to fuck off
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I don't mind at all fella
She killed herself after I listened to Green Day too much died of cancer in 1996
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)

You don't mind that your mum died of cancer?
You cunt.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I think you might be onto something, I'm just going to burn a Spice Girls dvd and send that in the post to Monty's daughter.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Step back, Al
THIS is harsh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Hahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Bad times

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Shit happens, innit?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I'd start thinking up a new username if I were you Al
If only you had previous experience in this field
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Morning all - its Friday and a nice day.
I have paid my pastie forfeit today and have received in return the gift of cheese scone and coffee. This makes me happy

I also managed to cane a load of old gin last night, resulting in a fucking great night's sleep! Woo and indeed Hoo!

a. Funniest thing recently was the guy in the petrol station watching the massive glass door open automatically then walking straight into it. I snorted out a petrolpumplol at that

b. See above
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I'm not going
because I'm a boring old woman, and never go to parties.

I used to love Why Don't You, but I never got to see past the opening credits, when I switched off my TV set and went and did something less boring instead. Like reading.

Alts: probably both by me. I'm always doing stupid stuff. Ooh, like the other week, I tried on the most awesome pair of shoes that were all of the sexeh. I started strutting up and down the shop to get the full effect, and one foot slid away under me on the shiny shop floor, and I went arse over tit like a complete moron. Right in front of a couple of girls who were just walking in.

I still bought the shoes anyway. They're fab.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Ultimately self-defeating in its message, was Why Don't You
And yes, it was dreadful.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Why don't you? Why-y-y don'y you? Just switch off your television set and go out and do something less boring instead?
Because Junior Kick Start will be on afterwards.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I never watched WDY because it was presented by people with regional accents
and I didn't understand them.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Pardon?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I also wasn't allowed to watch ITV as it was deemed to be a bad influence
for bad read "common"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I too suffered that problem.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Mum still turns over if tampon ads come on...very awkward

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Maybe she wants you to do her up the arse?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Ha ha ha ah
She knows that's father son time
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Except Rainbow
I was allowed to watch that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I thought Rainbow was on the BBC?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Thames television, innit?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

One of my kids* favourite DVDs is called 'Cult Kids Classics'
It has Rainbow, Count Duckula, Jamie and his Magic Torch and Chorlton and the Wheelies on it.

*I mean me
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

That sounds fab.
I hope there's some Bagpuss and Flumps in there too.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I had that on video
May even have been Betamax.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

My daughter was introduced to a Flumps DVD at my sisters last week.
She thought it was 'fucking shit'.


Actually she liked it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I bought my niece the complete 'Rhubarb and Custard' dvd
She thought it was shit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

It was probably because she didn't like you wanking to it at the same time

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Meh.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Best theme tune EVAR!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Second best
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1217629
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Nah
Rhubarb and Custard was better
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Chorlton and the Wheelies had the best theme tune EVER

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

They play it occasionally on the TV's in Fab Cafe in Leeds
So badly animated but it has a certain charm.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

ITV for sure
It was LWT I think. London skyline thingy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Thames.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Thats it!!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)

LWT was London Weekend Television
Blind Date and You Bet! on a Saturday.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

And the genius opening ident that was 3-2-1

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Bloody hell
Nostalgiagasm :)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

As for the clues... From Wiki
For example, a wishbone brought on by Sonny Hayes came with the clue "Take one that never changes, add a pub and a precious stone, bring them all up-to-date, and now you're on your own", which the contestants rejected hoping it referred to Dusty Bin. Rogers explanation of the clue was: "'Take one that never changes', well that could be Dusty Bin which of course is where you might throw a wishbone. 'Add a pub and a precious stone', well that doesn't point to Dusty. 'Bring them all up-to-date, and now you're on your own'. Well what about the wishbone? Sonny said 'a large wishbone', so what might a large wishbone come from? Something larger than a chicken. Turkey maybe? Now 'one that never changes' is a constant, a pub can also be an inn, there's a lot of precious stones but how many go with 'constant inn'? How about opal? Yes, Constantinople, up-to-date, the pride of Turkey, you've rejected the 3–2–1 holiday!"
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:50, Reply)

What. The. Fuck?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Are you saying you wouldn't have got that?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

It's like an orgy at a cryptic crossword-setters' convention.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Hahahahahaha!!!!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 May 2011, 10:02, Reply)

The thing to remember with that programme was to start with the fingers facing forwards and end with the index finger

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Also, to switch it off when it came on because it was shite.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Remember the Anglia one for Sale of the Century?
Seriously, is everything that comes out of East Anglia shit? Except Stephen Fry, of course...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Tales of the Unexpected.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Another good theme tune

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I was going more for
'Well known raving bender Darth Foxtrot', but thank you for playing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I thought Darth was from Nottingham and just lives in East Anglia

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

You seem remarkably well-informed

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 10:18, Reply)

...and you both turned out as such rounded individuals

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I not sure if this is a fat joke or a you are insular Southern weirdos on the internet joke

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Both

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

excellent
Althought I'm not fat, I can't speak for Al "small moon" thegeordie though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

That's no moon

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

'rounded'
*reads fat*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

THAT'S THE ....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Oh Man, Junior Kickstart was fucking excellent!
I used to love watching that. All those spods on their dirt bikes trying to ride across a stick the size of a pencil. Awesome.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 May 2011, 9:20, Reply)

And it had a top theme tune.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Yeah, that's going to be stuck in my head for a while now

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Somebody is hopped up on goofballs
and munching on the scoobysnacks, yo.
( Kroney, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Any of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every fucking last one of you!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I think I might have a mid life crisis this weekend...
Anyone know where I can order one online?
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

www.harleydavidson.com
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

zing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Vroom vroom...
"And the reason my hair fell out is because I ride my bike so fast without a helmet. Now would anyone like to see me crush a beer can with my stomach?"
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

www.b3ta.com
Your getting fat and oncoming baldness will be treated with the dignity it deserves. You go and buy yourself a Harley big man! You DESERVE IT!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)