Turn ons? Turn offs?
What's a dealbreaker for you?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:28, 232 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My turn ons are very, very shallow so I won't go into them here.
Once i'm with a girl though, turn offs would be a lack of capacity for decent conversation, lack of intelligence, beakering, insecurity or being a fucking miserable, mardy old cow.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:35, Reply)

I like this

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:42, Reply)

I am a horrible person.

( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

The insecurity thing doesn't put me off because it'd be massively hypocritical of me
Otherwise, I couldn't agree more
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:45, Reply)

All girls are insecure

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Too right, you just need to figure out the right buttons to push
You're ugly and you stink are a good start
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

auburn adonis made me laugh out loud
well done
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

oh dear I get minus points later on in this thread

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

yes you did
bad rory
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

+to an extent
A little insecurity can be healthy as it stops one from becoming an arrogant, pigheaded tosser. I assume what Kroney means is the sort of crippling insecurity that leads a girl to be plagued by self-doubt and unable to accept a compliment, forever fretting unnecessarily about her appearance, etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

I misread that as "frotting".
Amazing how one letter can completely change the tone of a statement.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

It's not that amazing coming from you
you fucking pervert
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Guilty as charged.

( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:59, Reply)

or, y'know, constantly banging on about worrying that her bloke is going to knob someone else on holiday
that kind of stuff?

*awaits unleashment of hell*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT A CONSTANT RASH
OF SHIT-CUNTS WITH UGLY FACES AND INEPT UGLY NOBS HAVE MADE ME A LITTLE BIT UNHAPPY AND PARANOID IN THE PAST.

IT'S THEIR FAULT.

and yours. all yours.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Sorry Swipe, too easy
OF SHIT-CUNTS WITH UGLY FACES AND INEPT UGLY NOBS HAVE MADE ME A LITTLE BIT UNHAPPY AND PARANOID IN THE PAST.

IT'S THEIR FAULT.

and yours. all yours.

itches.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

All people are insecure to some degree or another
not just girls.
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

You're probably right
As a horribly generalised sweeping statement, I don't know any girls who are utterly, ruthlessly self-confident, but I do know a few blokes like that, who seem completely untarred by the self-doubt brush.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Not exactly
most of us start pretty normal until some guy we are really into does a real fucking number on us.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:34, Reply)

You're all about the sex today gonz aren't you?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Has he found a new shop girl to fancy?

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:38, Reply)

He's on his period

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:40, Reply)

oh man, I must be on heat.
I think maybe possibly that b4sh0rz has made me think I'm alright really so could be cool with getting a misses. Damn, that sucks, so much easier not thinking it was possible.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:45, Reply)

. Damn,
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:47, Reply)

I missed this... and it needed recognition

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:24, Reply)

There's plenty of lonely women in the world Gonz
you, yes you can help fix that one step at a time.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Turn Ons
- A good sense of humour
- Cute and 'knowing' smile
- Ambission
- Girls who are slightly broken in one way or another
- Caring and understanding.
- Girls who like to be affectionate, I hate the cold shoulder.

Turn Offs
- Can't hold a conversation
- Girls who laugh at everything but understand nothing.
- Girls who can't see 'the other side' to any sort of debate/arguement.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Broken? As in crippled?
You sick bastard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Crippled people, both pshyical and emotional, are poeple too !
Haha, only kidding, like hell I'd tarnish my potential blood line with insuperior genetics.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Turn ons:
Pulse... yep that will do

Turn Offs:
I would say maggots,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:41, Reply)

There was this fat bloke with maggots in his bumhole, true story, he had a wife.
I don't understand life sometimes, I've never had maggots in my bumhole.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Maybe you should get some.

( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it
That warm wriggling sensation is something else
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

I only said turn off:
Its not a deal breaker
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:44, Reply)

turn-ons:
chemistry, sense of humour, brains, academics, nice cock and the ability to use it, great kissing.

turn-offs: dim, smoking, being cheap, having zero ambition, provinciality, in-breeding, cheating, dullness, having no friends or social life, jealousy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Are you counting "provinciality" as being from the provinces?
or do are you talking about an attitude rather than a location? cos, y'know, you're from Cheshire and you don't get more provincial than that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:49, Reply)

firstly
i am from yorkshire, then buckinghamshire, then cheshire, then london. where i have been for 15 years. so THERE.

secondly... yes, it's all about the attitude and outlook.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I was in London for 12 years and have been in Scotland for over 5.
I'm no more a londoner or a scot than you are a londoner.

OK, Yorkshire then. That's close to being as provincial but Cheshire does win.

Which part of the attitude is it you have a problem with?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

the lack of ability or desire
to see any sort of life beyond the little walls of the little village that you grew up in. that sort of thing. if you can walk to the houses where your parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and great great grandparents (who were probably the same person) grew up in within 5 mins of your own pad, you're a prov.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Does having 4 generations of your (maternal) family and 2 paternal from one city count.
Though my paternal grandparents are punjabi.
(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:59, Reply)

What a ridiculous thing to dislike about someone.

( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

no it isn't
if they have travelled, lived elsewhere, made a life for themselves, and then chosen to come back, that's cool. my brother did exactly that.

but if they have only ever stayed in the same place their entire life long within spitting distance of the family genepool.... that is weird.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Good to know that your flounce hasn't tempered your talent for crass generalisation
My Uncle has lived his entire life in Halifax. He likes it there, so does his family, he has a lot of friends there. He was a successful banker, gave it up and started an enormously successful business as a builder. He's travelled the world, built and redecorated two houses and is always looking to challenge himself.

But he's always lived in Halifax. So, according to you, he's a spod.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Anyway, I find this notion of major industrial nations being provinces to their largest cities rather cynical.

(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

i am cynical
next?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

(btw I do have ambitions to move elsewhere , but I wouldn't deliberately look too far, I'd stay within the same region.

(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I'm not sure I could ever describe any cock as "nice"
As organs go they are pretty ugly even on the most attractive male.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

oooh so not true!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

OK well I'll just send you a cock gaz and you can mark it out of 10

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

just post it on here
and we'll all do it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I'd rather not
Monty might comment about how 80's cocks not as good as cocks made in the 70's
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Being born in 1980
Mine comes from the awkward transitional stage between genres. Combining early experiments in eighties, with the last gasps of rawness from the seventies it sadly ends up with the worst from both worlds 3/10
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I was born in 81
My cock is a mess
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

It's the younger kids I feel sorry for
Imagine having a New Romantic cock. All make-up and shoulder pads. Or even worse, a hairy, Mancunian Brit-pop cock.

At least we've still got a bit of rock'n'roll in there.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:14, Reply)

*clicked*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

I would suggest that
"the ability to use it" is the part for questioning if any... I can use mine pretty well for pissing but I am still a shit shag.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Turn off
Stupid laugh. I saw a cracking girl many years ago who was beyond filthy but her laugh made me want to smother her with a pillow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

offs: someone that can't admit they're wrong, that thinks education is worthless, the guys that only want "one thing", anal
ons: kissing, being able to enjoy eachothers company without having to talk, stubble, I don't know what else
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:45, Reply)

A large and ready supply of paper clips?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

An anal dildo

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

does it matter what the one thing is?
Quite a lot of the time I only really want gin.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

kissing is SO important
i have no idea how many guys i've kissed, it'll be well over 400 though (i'm v v fussy about shagging, kissing - not so much!). and maybe 99% of them went straight in for the hard core snogging, no sexy sensual pre-lims. this can be ok, but it's not pant-melting stuff.

the current bloke looks at me and leans in and brushes his lips and stubble against my mouth and neck and rests his forehead or cheek against mine until every cell in my body is screaming KISS ME! he is in a different league to every other man i've ever kissed, i think. he should give lessons. i am not going to suggest this to him, however.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

You're right on that one.
Those men who go straight for it like they're trying to descale your tonsils. Ugh.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Has he popped a finger up your bum yet?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

not for the want of trying
what is it with you men and anal? it will not feel good for me. it's the sort of thing i'd do for a 60th wedding anniversary treat, and not a minute before.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

It's a natural form of contraception and nothing to be frightened of

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

it's how lawyers are conceived isn't it?
oh. damn.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

:(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

i will add your comments into the mix
when he is next trying to persuade me that i will "love it".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Depends how he's hung, I suppose
you don't want to break your ringpiece in with Godzilla.
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

perfect size
not too painfully big, not too laughably small!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Yes, but if he were to put it in yer bum...
you might think otherwise. This may have been a deciding factor for me...
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

for me there is only one factor
IT'S JUST NOT SEXY

and i am sure as fuck not sucking it when it's been up there. and if you think differently, stick my vibe up your own arsehole and suck it clean. don't fancy that?

i thought not.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Kroney does

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Ah no, for sure
there has to be a shower in between that and the next round, so to speak.
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Depends on the girl
My ex said she preferred it. Different stroke for different folks I guess.

Maybe she was called Brian and was on her way to a fancy dress party.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

A girl once did that to a guy I know. He's been called Digit ever since.
More updates as they happen.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

That sounds suspiciously like 'lad' banter

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

My wife doesn't really like to be kissed
Its a shame cos I love kissing. Oh and for her kissing or cuddling during or after sex is a big no-no.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

I don't know how to break this to you
but your wife may well be a man. (the two children notwithstanding)
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Bollocks
You find me a man with as softer beard as her!
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Your wife is weird, or a prossie, they aren't into kissing and cuddling either

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:59, Reply)

She's not the first woman I've been with that didn't want to kiss during
Before is fine but some women prefer the sex part to be less affectionate and a bit more animal
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

aww man, he sounds cool
I've kissed 5 guys ever, though :(. Kissing is awesome
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

It it a constant source of astonishment to me
just how shallow men are. I get interest now from the kind of guys who would have laughed in my face when I was fat. However, what's worse is that now I get that kind of attention, I am much more shallow myself...
That said: Ons - sense of humour, nice eyes, nice smell, ability (or at least willingness) to please, intelligence, being able to hold a decent conversation.
Offs: poor hygiene, being boring, stupidity (or a lack of willingness to improve oneself) moodiness, selfishness, jealousy, refusal to acknowledge another point of view.

I think the only thing that's ever been a dealbreaker for me was that he was a religious and I'm really not, and he could not or would not just let it go - constantly saying how nice it would be if he could share his faith with me and 'oh, it'd be lovely to see you at church this week' etc. It culminated in me being dumped for being too stubborn to just acquiesce as his last few (and current) girlfriends had. This is the same guy who locked himself in my bathroom for 45 minutes to cry when I gave him a blowjob. God doesn't like that sort of behaviour, apparently.
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

God loves a BJ!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

This is why Christians are cunts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

haha, oh man
I went out with a born-again when I was about 22. No penetrative sex as "god wouldn't like it" .. which was fine. Except she was very far from a virgin, hence the born again thing ... that confused me.

Also, I never got a sensible explanation as to why god wouldn't like sex but was apparently happy with her giving me a blowjob pretty much every convenient opportuninty. And some very inconvenient ones.

Mental.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I don't know how you can be astonished, men are by nature shallow cunts.
Someone could be a perfect fit for me in every single way, but if they're unattractive there's no way in a million years I'd go anywhere near them. But then the same applies that even if they were ridiculously hot but a massive cunt, I'd go nowhere near them either.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Well I knew this in general terms
but the actual specifics still have the capacity to surprise.
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Oh man, you should meet me.
You'd never be surprised by anybody else ever again.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

That's not shallow, if you don't fancy them, you don't fancy them
it's nature and you can't force it.

lighten up fatties and go get some
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

But fat doesn't equate to unattractive in all curcamstanses.
I've meet girls who I thought were plain in the looks department but then after an evening of stunning conversation found they are unbelievably attractive (and the reverse is true too).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

The best kind of sex involves one person crying and two people high-fiving.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

God, if I'd said that, it'd be my new sig.
Have a click.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:19, Reply)

if anyone else said
they'd be locked up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:23, Reply)

or in your case
just one person crying, eh?
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 23:46, Reply)

On - they don't lie to you constantly because they are too much of a coward.
Off - they lie to you constantly because they are too much of a coward.
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

*May have issues*

( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 15:59, Reply)

May have had a date recently, or did I mis-read?
so chin up missy, and stop dwelling on wankers.
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:02, Reply)

i like breasts
i dont like willies
( broadsword, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Right
Ons - Sexy Walk, Large Eyes, Nice Peachy Arse, Thongs and Boyshorts that let the cheeks poke out the bottom, Brunette hair, Cute smile, Cute laugh, small to medium breasts, intelligent, Witty, Able to be a lady in public and filthy in the bedroom.

Offs - Looking like Thatcher
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Thongs are tacky and will ever be thus
french knickers all the way.
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Depend on two things
1. The Style of the thong (no g-strings)
2. The arse that's in it.

My wife's arse in a thong is a thing of pure beauty. The photos I took on our wedding night prove it.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Good that you have your memories anyway

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Who needs memories when you have 8x6 glossys

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

it must have been hard taking those pictures
with a croissant in your hand

/realises the innuendo
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

I call my cock Croissant
because its bent, bulges in the middle, is flaky and smells like butter.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:14, Reply)

cocklol

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:15, Reply)

i was doing so well until the bit where you didn't say
massive droopy tits like santa's sack after half the presents have been given out :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Keep your bra on and you're in

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

They can't be that bad....
Can you not afford a little "pick me up"?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

I might be able to perk mine up
with bulldog clips.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:20, Reply)

i reckon
i could sort mine out with strategically placed piercings and a system of ropes and pulleys
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:24, Reply)

I wouldn't go near my boobs with piercings.
I can see why some women opt for the surgical 'lift' though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

I can imagine my turn ons and offs are the same as most othe people's here
Intelligence, quick wit, kindness, etc etc.

Physically, it's dark brown, slightly long hair, light blue eyes, and taller than me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

tall is defintely a thing, too
shouldn't be and it feels shallow to say so, but, hey, I suppose there's something evolutionary in it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I've had tall
current is short. I have to say, I prefer not to get a massive fucking crick in my neck whenever I want a quick snog, or being only able to see upper chest whilst having sex. As long as he's taller than me, it's fine. (given that I am 5'3 for a bloke to be shorter than me he would have to be some kind of certified genuine midget)
(berk, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:12, Reply)

the other problem with tall boyfriends
is when people ignore you because you're shorter. I always hated that
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Sorry did you say something?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:15, Reply)

*RAGES*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:17, Reply)

As a special romantic larping treat, for birthdays and stuff does your fella paint his knob up as a dragon, and then surprise your hairy cave with it?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:19, Reply)

I don't have a fella
but my imaginary one would
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Do larpers wash?
Nothing worse than a cheesy dragon
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:25, Reply)

only in the everlasting
lake of rat'ma-tarr
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I think the most important one for me, by a mile.
Is that she'd have to enjoy the same sorts of nights out as me. I've done the whole being dragged to TigerTiger with her mates and wanting to kill myself after four minutes, that's never going to happen again.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Pinching stuff from the bins by Marks and Sparks?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:22, Reply)

That's not really a night out.
More of a 'romantic Sunday afternoon activity'.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Flamin' eck
If I want to see mine during daylight hours I have to go to the pub to see him. I would LOVE to go through bins......
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:56, Reply)

dump him
dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him

not that I know the rest of the story but he sounds like a cock
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:09, Reply)

What a great question
and one which I am really giving a lot of thought to at the moment.
Turn-ons: nice eyes, nice smile, being kind and compassionate and understanding and making allowances for the other persons wishes
Turn offs: Poor hygiene, lack of effort, selfishness. lack of consideration

DEALBREAKERS:Arrogance, selfishness and a general non-caring attitude, refusal to do anything at all which might possible lift the others spirits when they are feeling low, lack of affection.

Guess what a GREAT time I'm having

*goes off to cry in corner*
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

oh :(
boys are stupid
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

^this
and they smell.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:28, Reply)

and yet
I still spend time looking for one to kiss

stupid boys
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

^this, also.
I think I might be married to Phillie Joe's wife. mr b3th doesn't do kissing, either.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:30, Reply)

what the hell is wrong with him
he is a fool
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:31, Reply)

I smell a wife swap!

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:32, Reply)

as long as the kids go with them
I don't do kids.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:35, Reply)

nonce-free zone

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Too right.
I'm no fucking Bobby.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Husband swap it is then!
Can I bring my guitars? They're better than kids in many ways.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Oh, totally!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:37, Reply)

What about sex? I need the ground rules laid down or I might get arrested again

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:38, Reply)

I expect it least once a night
and two or three times at weekends.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Obviously
But you need to promise you won't call the police on me, anal rape is cool these days, all the kids are doing it.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:44, Reply)

If you can get through the bear trap, you're on.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Unusual
Not many girls give their ringpiece a nickname.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:47, Reply)

rectum dentata

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:48, Reply)

that's the one.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:49, Reply)

.... but only if he has a dodgy ticker and a good will in place.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Listen, it's probably two for one on a Monday night down the local wetherspoons, if you put out you'll score a fuck by 9

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Alas
our wetherspoons does not open for a couple of weeks at least. Got no dosh anyway being dole scum. Fucks I could probably get if I really wanted to, I'd rather have a fella who could be nice to me and I don't think I will find one in a cheap watering hole.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Please copy'n'paste your next gaz for the rest of the class.... unless it's from me, then please respect the sanctitty of Gaz.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I'm so tempted to gaz her now just to see if she pastes it.

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Well!!
I am sure you don't want me to paste that on here but thanks for making me smile!
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:40, Reply)

BECAUSE I@M VERY PROUD OF IT
IT@S THE BIGGEST IN THE WHOLE STREET
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:43, Reply)

That rather implies
that you have seen all the other ones on the street and that you may be harbouring bumder tendencies.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:46, Reply)

When it's this big I tend to get admiring glances

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Someone, and I'm not sure if it was from here of FB or G+ or whatever said your name at some point this week, I think.
I donno, I didn't pay any attention to it until you just posted and now it's bugging me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Oh fine, totally ignore me, that's fair enough, I guess.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:50, Reply)

red hair, perky boobs, surfer girl fashion.
dealbreaker - a penis.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

You really are a complete 'dealbreaker', then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Nice of you to finally join us

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Well, I'm a nice person.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

I found this thread lacking something without you

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Was it 'shit attempts at humour'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:43, Reply)

NO!
WITH A KNIFE!!!
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:45, Reply)

lollers

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Are you still making yours work through witchcraft and an unsteady electrical charge?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Turn ons
Guide Dog,

Turn offs:
ability to run
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:39, Reply)

if you and jeff went out on the pull
jeff could sort out the guide dog for you
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:41, Reply)

And it would limit her
ability to run... I like your thinking
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Turn ons: tune ins, drop outs.
Turn offs: 3rd exit on the M3.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*wheeze*AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Sorry about this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

I don't think sorry is going to cut it, Monty.
Not this time.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

OK. Bye then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Ta-ta!

( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:47, Reply)

I take back my previous comments

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:43, Reply)

That seem fair.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:44, Reply)

oh monty
you're so wacky
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

I know. My wackiness knows no bounds.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:43, Reply)

strikethrough W end strikethrough SP
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Actually that's not funny. I'm actually in a wheelchair. Did no one tell you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:45, Reply)

thank fuck
you finally got what you deserved
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Nah I've just nicked one from from a flid and am now doing wheelies in the car park.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:49, Reply)

I feel your pain, I too have a disability
Tourettes you fucking cunt!
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:47, Reply)

You say 'wheelchair'
You mean bathchair.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Let's call the whole thing off, b3th.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:50, Reply)

'kay.
So how was your weekend? Did you see the little person?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:52, Reply)

I surely did.
It was fucking superb. We made forts out of chairs and blankets, and I was woken up at 4:30am to play at chopping onions using the pillow as the chopping board. Magnificent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:57, Reply)

Man, I'm glad I don't have kids.
Fucking four AM????? What the shuddering fuck?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:01, Reply)

It was an absolute pleasure. I really thought it was great.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:05, Reply)

<s></s> ,)

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:50, Reply)

I KNOW HOW TO DO STRIKETHROUGHS, YOU PATRONISING CUNT!!!!!


Thanks ; )
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:53, Reply)

=)
I was going to copy'n'paste some complicated code using classes and frameworks, but the joke would only be funny to me and maybe a couple of others, and would take way to long to write, besides, a new thread would have started by then.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:59, Reply)

why isn't a new thread starting now?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:00, Reply)

I can't, I started this one.
GO FOR IT, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO CHINE
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:07, Reply)

i have nothing to say
and no genius ideas left. This place has drained me of all creativity
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:08, Reply)

How do you make several pounds of fat and skin attractive?
Stick a nipple on it!
In answer to the question, poor personal hygeine.
(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:48, Reply)

You're the only one of us here
that wouldn't be banged up for chasing a schoolgirl.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:50, Reply)

He would if he chased her with a hammer.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:56, Reply)

True.
Legally, I could, because I am 16, and sexing someone younger is illegal, but nobody from the police or authorities actually minds unlesss she's 12 or below .
(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 16:57, Reply)

How wrong you are you chubby cunt

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:00, Reply)

don't you know anything Rory, If there's one thing that gets teenage girls to drop their knickers
it's half baked opinions on right wing politics.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:01, Reply)

But I've never mentioned my views to anyone apart from those people who've actually asked.
I recon a few of the posh yummy mummys would drop their knickers for my views! ;-P(ninja'd)
(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:04, Reply)

If they're referring to them as their 'pants' I fear you've actually been picking up 'Bummy Daddies'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:07, Reply)

AHAHHAHAHHAHAH!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Don't I know it.
*does Fonzie 'heyyyy' thumbs up*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Why? are ye a prude?

(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:01, Reply)

^ TOP NONCE POST OF THE DAY

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:18, Reply)

As per this:
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1274178

I don't recall saying anything about Darth's girlfriend.
Does anyone have a link? Or know what I said?

Help a b3tan out!
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:00, Reply)

I can help.
DF is a gaylord who's got upset online.
You're a horrible internet bully.

THE END.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:04, Reply)

You were all up in her grill being like "DAYUM GURL, YO' HAIR BE LIKE ALL WACK AND SHIT, AND YO' NAILS BE LIKE ALL WACK AND SHIT TOO....DARTH BE TRIPPIN' IF HE THINKS HE A PLAY-YAH GOIN' ROUND WID A HOEBAG LIKE DAT, YAHGETSME?"

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:06, Reply)

must have been all the lambrini

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:21, Reply)

I can't find anything
THEREFORE IT DOESNT EXIST
and darths being a little princess.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Are you sure? That would be most out of character.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:09, Reply)

It would be an unprecedented event.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Shit Dawg, another bullying victim for the internet post
battered 4eva n r hartzzz
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:10, Reply)

For a perfectly charming and pleasant poster
you sho' nuff get people pissed off, Kristine. What's your secret?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:13, Reply)

probably something to do with my good looks and charming personality

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:18, Reply)

Maybe It's his Peter Serafinowicz moment.

(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:14, Reply)

New thread
Go and play.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:12, Reply)

+ in the traffic

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:13, Reply)

thanks

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 17:14, Reply)