That thread seems to be rapidly dying
So, yesterday an autistic chap was sent to jail for mocking people who had died.

I didn't realise that was a criminal offence, and certainly not one that would warrant a jail term.

So I would like to apologise to AA for making a joke of the fact that his awful taste in music contributed to the death of his mother.

What would you like to apologise for?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:07, 135 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I would like to apologise ffor calling you a cunt.
Not that I have yet, but now I can one day.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I think deliberatly targetting memorial pages is more than just "joking" and turns into a fairly vicious type of bullying.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

The quote where he said about the girl who was run over did make me lol on the way home
"What a terrible waste - of a nice car"

/Hull
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

That's proper autism though.
Have you seen the onion's autistic reporter? That's very lol.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Not read it
Will check later on
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

No, I saw two red cars, it was a very good day.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Did any blue cars have a race with them?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

'It's hot in hell, mummy' made me piss myself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Didn't see it, and don't want to,
but it seems a bit of a cuntish/childish thing to say.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Monty's countries conduct during ze War

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

I want to apologize for being at times, a miserable beakering cunt.
I can feeling it building up again but I'm fighting it.

I would also like to apologize to Rory for being a terrible internet bully.

I would like to apologize to DG and tourettes for being as much use as tits on a bull at their times of woe.

I would like to apologize to Lusty for sending out all those love letters to Monty.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Some of the accompanying pictures were a little worrying.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I'm not a very good photographer I'll admit.

( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Getting the lips open whilst pressing the flash is a difficult procedure

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

You should have used a mirror instead of bending over.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I regret nothing.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

You should.
Your posts are shit and you're a cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I am a cunt, but you're a dick.
You are what you eat.

Also, I have more money than you.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

My three-year-old's piggy bank has more money than me.
Shame you can't buy 'not being a bender' with all that money, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

If by bender you mean friendly with Darth, then yes.
However, I'm not a misanthropic twat who hates everything beyond 1975.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

But you are a virgin in real life, aren't you?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Frankly, that's none of your fucking business.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

*shows stock footage of a bleeding swimmer as sharks being to circle*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Lol

( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

haha!
Stealth shark
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I like this

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

That's a "yes" then
Touched a nerve there Al
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Je ne regret.....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I'd like to apologise for being a right old miserable cunt
I'd like to apologise to any exes I have wronged
I'd like to apologise for shouting at the kids

I'd like to apologise for the death-like fart I've just done, most of all
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

My grandparents were actually really called Pearl and Dean.
But we used to call them Grandma and Grandpa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa...
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I'd like you to apologise for that
JeffChomp
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I don't understand this joke

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jG3m0YfVmk
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Oh man, that's actually quite funny.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

You should definitely apologize for that joke.

( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Worryingly, I laughed.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

It's proper lol.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

And now you'd like to apologise for this joke, right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I have no regrets

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Oh dear.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I like the fact that the pearl and dean advert is embedded into most british people, yet I can't think of what they actually do.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

They used to do cinema advertising I think.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I thought they were something to do with property for some reason.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

You're thinking of Torvill and Dean.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I think they were the agency that was used to place adverts in cinemas.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I'd like to apologise for using the Aspergers Foundation as my personal proxy server.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

What actual crime was he sent down for? /does not read the news.
I'll apologise for not being thoroughly lovely to everyone all the time. Only kittens and rainbows from now on. I love you Al, I just wanted you to know that. *hugs*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

to answer my own question
Apparently The Communications Act of 2003 outlaws "sending malicious communications that [are] grossly offensive." So, that;s this place fucked then.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Shut the fuck up, cunt
Ooops
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

*phones police*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

*gazzes mods*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

*autisms*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Time for a new login, Monty....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

What I hate about that, was that the guy was a nasty vicious cunt, but they're acting like all trolling is that.
And the fact that nobody can use computers maliciously without being autistic in some way or another. Not everyone with aspergers is a nasty cunt, but some people who are nasty cunts have aspergers.

Al, I was wondering, you know this DIY stuff, how can a 'fitted kitchen' be unfitted? I don't see how you can have all the bits you'd have in a kitchen without it being fitted.

Also, I think probably maybe I'm buying a flat oppersite Brooklins Dinner, so I was thinking, maybe, you know when you go for your run, you can run through oakhill park and then meet me for breakfast on a saturday morning. OH MAN, I might learn how to ride a bike, then I can come to the park with you. Do you like golf? We should take up golf at Oakhill Park, they got a good pitch'n'put there. That'll be soo awesome.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I started off writting that last paragraph with a tounge in cheek, but actually, that would be really cool, we'd practaclly be neighbours.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I think it was in Metro today where they explained trolling.
'Internet nerds make deliberately provocative statements'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Fuck off, mug. You're a fucking waste of space, just like your father was, just like your children will be.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

+living under a bridge worrying goats

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

e

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Best of all the animals

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

That sounds like fun
You can stand outside the diner and hand me ribs as I run past.

I guess you could have free standing appliances in your kitchen and one of those butler sinks and no wall mounted cupboards, just have a big table and a dresser and some drawers. Then I suppose it wouldn't be a fitted kitchen.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

For every lap of the block, you can get a baffalow wing dipped in bluecheese sauce.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Can you do that thing where you pull the bones out of the wing and just leave the delicious meaty nugget with a bit of gristle on the end

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I love doing that thing.
Apparently the new fish'n'chip shop there is the best one in the area, on a weekend the queues go out the shop and 'round the corner.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

The chippy in East Barnet
is properly lush.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

The one oppersite the Russel Brand phamacy? That one is ace.
When I was about 10 or soo, me and my mates on a saturday would walk down to that cafe, the fake wimpy bar like one, I think it was called Starburger or soemthing like that. It was the furthest we were allowed to go on our own at that age, I remember that, it was pretty ace.

And that chicken shop right at the end of the village heading towards the park, is deeply embedded into my childhood too, as me and my mate John shared a bucket from there after karati classes every week. We don't talk anymore though because Mum got an orange push pop and a strawberry one, and he cried when I wanted the strawberry because no one likes Orange flavour, at least, not over strawberry. I think we were in the first few years of primary school for that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

baffalow - a confused cow

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Oh, I've never seen that before, how does the pipes get to the sink? how does the oven work?
But seriously, do you fancy taking up golf?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Not really
Unless we play with hockey sticks like in Happy Gilmore.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Also, you could box in the pipes along the skirting board

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

This post is vaguely pornographic

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Your face is vaguely pornographic.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I know
I gazed at it in your rear view mirror while I prepped your van.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

That post is less vaguely poronographic
and more just downright fucking filthy.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I couldn't quite get there at first
I had to burn my thighs with the cigarette lighter.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I'll box your pipes in a minute

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Doesn't that suddenly turn it into 'fitted', if you box them in?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I think it means the kitchen units are fixed to the wall

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

A fitted kitchen is made to fit your kitchen space as opposed to getting stand alone units.
*used to work for a kitchen comany*
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Oh Blousie
I'd happily lie with my head in your lap while we sat in the park over the road from your house and you could tell me all about kitchens.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

In Japan
You can go to places where you pay to rest your head in a woman's lap as they remove your earwax with tiny bamboo spoons.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I wouldn't want Blousie poking around in my ears
I'd just like to lie there with my eyes closed while listening to the sound of her voice. Then we could open our picnic basket and eat scones and jam and clotted cream.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Without actually working for a kitchen company
I don't know how anyone could understand this complicated concept :p
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I'd like to apologise for the pointlessness of this post.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I'd like to apologise to the lumpen-browed Slavs
who were kept in horse-boxes, covered in excrement, in a Leighton Buzzard gyppo camp for up to 15 years.

When I heard of your plight I laughed until I did a wee-wee and I am sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't also do a 'solidarity poo'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Best of all the poos.

( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

There was a cunt on Today this morning
saying that the UK was guilty of double standards in it's treatment of the gyppos in Basildon.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Was he implying that all gyppos have slaves?
If this is right I think I might try and become one.

How much do horseboxes go for these days?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

A gyppo or a slave?

( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Gyppo.
I already am a slave - TO THE SYSTEM, MAN.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

to NICK CLEGG AND HIS CRONIES, TONY B. LIAR , GORDON CLOWN and DAVID CON-ERON

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

It's not very PC to call Pikeys Gyppos.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Rule of life: the word thieving must be tagged alongside any mention of gypsies, pikeys, travellers, tinkers etc.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

You forgot scousers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah, but in that instance it's accurate.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Right I'm lost now
which one of you is Battered the flouncy wouncy man, and which one is the sockpuppet.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

This is the flouncey one

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

This is correct.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Good day to you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Morning you cum-gargling mincer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Guilty as charged.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Showoff.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

I bet you have Monty written on your cheek

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I'd like to apologise to my prep school
It was me that called the angry german midget a Nazi bastard, thus sending him on a destructive rampage that involved throwing an OHP out of a window, barricading the door to the geography room with a pile of desks and setting fire to the bin, causing huge amounts of smoke damage.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

I'd like you to apologise for not mentioning this before!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

He went absolutely spastic

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

This is the best thing I have ever read.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

The resulting investigation was known as the Nuremberg trial
and resulted in my tuck shop allowance being suspended for a month :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I will never be mean to you ever again.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

From now on you will burn his house down with affection?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Whenever I call him an illiterate gaylord I will say 'LOL' afterwards.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:04, Reply)

That is awesome.
Who knew you were such a meany.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I'd like to apologise for giving my mate a dead leg on Saturday, simply because I was in a shitty mood.
Aside from that, nothing really comes to mind.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I'd like to apologise for being endlessly boring
about my diet. And for startling my father into dropping a cup by making a toy pig (with a very loud grunt) snort behind his ear
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I like this!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

How is that going?

( girlinthehole, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Sounds as though it is going well
I mean, it made him drop his cup.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

And if she managed to sneak up behind someone she must have lost weight.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Fat people are well known for being strangely light on their feet.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

It's a evolved trait useful for avoiding salads.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

this is very witty

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

To be honest I've never seen a salad lunge

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

*complicated joke involving lunge/lunch*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Is that because you're light on your feet?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

It could well be
or I've developed selective blindness
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:25, Reply)

That could be the diabetes caused by excessive tubbbiness.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:32, Reply)

The diet or startling my father?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I'd like to apologise for what I'm about to do
*does it*
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

smashing a toddler in the face with my makeup case this morning
i had to be in early this morning because i had to get all my masters stuff printed and bound before work. and my flatmate's; for some reason, she trusts me. so i booked addison lee. did the fucking fuckers turn up? useless cunting arseholes.

so i was striding to the tube in really uncomfortable high heeled shiny fuck-me boots (i'm out celebrating tonight), not only no longer early but actually LATE for work despite having gotten up early ON PURPOSE... and i was swinging the case and he just walked right into it. i seriously hope my givenchy gold flecked primer is ok.

where's the bert fairy today then? am also awaiting the next bertdown...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Never explain, never apologise.
/chinks.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Lacist

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Plick.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Acknoredged.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I would like to apologise for calling Off Topic "dull"
when what I meant was "really dull".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)