Life is shit and then you die.
Discuss.

Alt: something about food.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:33, 264 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Life is what you make it
Sometimes it IS fucking shit, but other times it is brilliant
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Also:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
:o)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)

The bits where I'm asleep are quite nice.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

i feel the same

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:55, Reply)

It's like we're twins or something.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:55, Reply)

no i meant the bits when you're asleep are quite nice

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:56, Reply)

The video cameras are working then?

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:57, Reply)

Mine are.....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:00, Reply)

my life is great, maybe its just you, maybe you should die

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)

:(
i hope you don't die
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:44, Reply)

Don't worry Quints, I'm not going anywhere.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:44, Reply)

thats a shame

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:52, Reply)

I no rite.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:52, Reply)

not really

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:53, Reply)

Tease!

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:53, Reply)

ok, it is

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:54, Reply)

life is shit and then you become demented and it gets even shitter
and then you die ten years later

the end
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I hadn't thought it like that before
Shit, you're right.
You've ruined my day now!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Yur velcome!

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:38, Reply)

It's ok, I've cheered up now!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Life is great, very enjoyable.
This Prozac is the bollocks!
I had vegi filo pastry thing for dinner, with veg and fruit to follow. I'm becoming rather healthy.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:42, Reply)

There is no meaning to life.
Therefore, that grants you the freedom to find or make your own.

Also, I pity the person sat next to me. I just had egg mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch.

*parp*
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:45, Reply)

It is, and you do.
What is worse - bad things happening to good people, or good things happening to bad people?

Alt: just had some yummy poached eggs on toast.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Poached eggs on toast is fucking awesome
Loads of salt and pepper
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:02, Reply)

Life is certainly a bitch.
What comfort food can I have for dinner that is easy to make. I was thinking mac and cheese?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:47, Reply)

Mashed potato is my favorite comfort food.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Boiled eggs for me.
Love 'em. With buttered white bread soldiers. Oh man...
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Much as this pains me to type
Vipros idea of using Marmite on your soldiers works for getting salty, eggy goodness in each bite
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:58, Reply)

Nice. I think I have some sausages.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Not at work then?

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Mashed potato mixed with cheese
Cheese on top and baked in the oven. NOM!!!!!

My lunch was slightly less good. Chicken salad thing with a maple syrup based dressing I invented this morning
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:53, Reply)

I am so having mashed potato for dinner tomorrow now.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:55, Reply)

*ponders*
This does seem like an excellent plan. See, this is how depression is stopped. Mashed potato with cheese makes everyone smile (apart from the lactose intolerant)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:58, Reply)

With veggie sausages and fried onions.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:58, Reply)

NOM
Try mustard (grain and normal) in the mash too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:59, Reply)

I don't like messing about with extra ingrediants in my food too much.
I'm a bit of a purist. Butter and salt are enough.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:00, Reply)

But the mustard goes with the sausages!
And it makes the cheese taste cheesier!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:01, Reply)

I do have mustard so I might give it a go.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:01, Reply)

Just this once
I promise it will be good!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:02, Reply)

That's what they all say.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:03, Reply)

*goes in dry*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:03, Reply)

At my age I keep lube handy.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:03, Reply)

Good to know

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:06, Reply)

Cheese on toast with lea & perrins

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Life is pretty great - it just has the habit of chucking shitty bits in every now and then.
It's sort of like taking a nice walk in the country - unless you keep an eye out for cowpats, you're going to get shitty shoes.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Proper ZEN

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:01, Reply)

And frankly, I'd rather take in the sights and occassionally walk in some shit, then spend my time staring at the ground trying to avoid it and missing everything else.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:05, Reply)

hippy

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:13, Reply)

Threads get shit and then they die

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:51, Reply)

get start
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 13:53, Reply)

Life's great. And then you find yourself sitting next to the bastard eating egg mayonaise sandwiches.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:04, Reply)

Afternoon scarpe
Enjoy the footy?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:05, Reply)

joy dure
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:05, Reply)

It was fucking shit wasn't it?

I won't ever blame anyone for missing a penalty, so I have no problem with Ashley Young for that. It's being utterly ineffectual for the previous 4 games that makes me hate him. How it is possible to be the worst player in any team that features James Milner is beyond me.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:07, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:09, Reply)

Egg Mayo rocks.
Except when cress is added. Utterly pointless.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:06, Reply)

CORRECTAMUNDO!
Cress and egg mayo is the most pointless double-act since Des and Mel.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:07, Reply)

You sound like the Fonz.
Although not as cool obviously.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:08, Reply)

EEEYYYYYY!

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:09, Reply)

I just finished a shit book someone got me for a present
and it ended on a cliffhanger leading to another book. I'm not happy about this. I didn't even want that book, it was a different book I wanted.

Alt: I ordered a chinese last night and they charge for delivery, but the pizza and kebab place doesn't and the food is cheaper. The delivery person seemed really put out that they had to root through the change in their pockets for my £1.50 change. I've already payed the fuckers for delivery I'm not tipping some cretin for knowing how to a) use a sat nav and b) do their job.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:06, Reply)

What book?
and what did you order from the chinks?
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:07, Reply)

It's the latest James Patterson opus
Ribs in Kung Po sauce, sweet and sour pork HK style, chicken balls, noodles, curry sauce and rice
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:09, Reply)

That's a lot of chinese food.
You fat bastard.

Also, James Patterson? You deserve it for reading that crap. I downloaded a bunch of them for my Grandma and skim read a few to check they were alright. Utter, utter crap.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:10, Reply)

It was a pressie, so it'd be rude not to
It wasn't all for me
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

Switched logins now?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

What?

( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:16, Reply)

that's not the real barry, its a hilarious fake account
set up because the real barry is a tea leaf
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:19, Reply)

Oh I see. Is Barry the thief, or just a thief?

( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:19, Reply)

he stole all of monty's drugs
and scarpe's booze, its the real reason he had to give up in the first place
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:21, Reply)

That fucker.
Good job Monty managed to get some more drugs.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:22, Reply)

did he? what a prick
no-one realises that barry's doing a service here, he was helping monty out with his crippling addiction to cracks and lemon whizzers
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:23, Reply)

+ bath salts.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:24, Reply)

this stream of consciousness, both in content, style and almost correct spelling, has convinced me. barry 2 is AL!
I just finished a shit book someone got me for a present
and it ended on a cliffhanger leading to another book. I'm not happy about this. I didn't even want that book, it was a different book I wanted.

Alt: I ordered a chinese last night and they charge for delivery, but the pizza and kebab place doesn't and the food is cheaper. The delivery person seemed really put out that they had to root through the change in their pockets for my £1.50 change. I've already payed the fuckers for delivery I'm not tipping some cretin for knowing how to a) use a sat nav and b) do their job.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:19, Reply)

I didn't have chinese last night
I made spanish style Monkfish tails.

Monkfish is not as impressive as I was hoping it would be. I felt let down.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:20, Reply)

I had chinese last ngiht
and saturday, and for lunch today

different chineses obviously, and homemade too
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Very meaty but lacking in taste.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Yeah, and it's a bit of a faff to prepare.
I expected so much, I've been waiting literally years to try it. And it was so very "meh". So I had a cornetto for afters.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:22, Reply)

stop talking to yourself!
it's making me feel all schizo
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

and me

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

and her

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:12, Reply)

^ this ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:12, Reply)

I think you've lost me here.

( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:16, Reply)

I never tip delivery people.
So apparently you stole a dildo from Stunned, and battered tried to run you over with his car.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:08, Reply)

This is a new meme that just keeps on giving

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

Me niether.
I don't tip cab drivers either. I sometimes don't tip in restaurants either.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

I don't tip anyone unless their service has been way above what is expected of them.
We aren't in America ffs.

Edit: Did tip a lovely girl last weekend at a restaurant.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:12, Reply)

She was very nice.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:15, Reply)

She was wasn't she.
Just the right amount of charming and friendly.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:16, Reply)

i often grossly overtip, i get embarrassed asking for £2 back or something
so if the cab is £25, and i only have £30, they end up with a fiver tip.

but i never tip hairdressers, which i feel i should, but which also feels weird. i mean, at £380 for a cut and colour, they probably earn more than i do.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:13, Reply)

I'll let the cabbie keep the change if it's not too far off a note.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:14, Reply)

Actually thinking about it, I do this too.
Especially since the only time I ever get Taxis is home after a big night out, so I'm normally too drunk to think what I'm doing, and I'm normally busy trying to wake up my wife and get her back in the house.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:18, Reply)

£380 for a cut and colour is ridiculous and only idiots with more money than sense would pay this.

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:26, Reply)

I'm nearer £3.80 for my cut

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:27, Reply)

Why would I pay a hair dresser when I have a perfectly good lawnmower

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:28, Reply)

£8.00 for mine. Every 3 weeks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:30, Reply)

Mine either costs £5.50 for a good cut, or £7 for a not so good cut.
The only problem is that I can usually only get to the not so good place when I want a haircut.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:30, Reply)

The most I ever paid for a cut was £20 and I thought that was inflated London prices
Mind you they washed my hair first and all that jazz. I go and see my mate Jacques who put you at ease by resting her ample breasts on the back of your neck as she cuts. She always gets a tip.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:33, Reply)

peeking out from under the robe

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:38, Reply)

Mine costs a tenner
because I always let the barber keep the extra £1 in case next time they stab me in the face and neck.

I get my hair cut at a slightly scary barbers.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:32, Reply)

When I was younger my mum always took my to Bernards
Famous for his Short Back and Ears haircut.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:36, Reply)

necessary evil with my hair
stunned saw it when it hadn't been to the hairdresser last week. he was not slow to comment on the difference.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:32, Reply)

They can only charge that ridiculous price because of people with more money than sense.

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:36, Reply)

they have a long waiting list too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:44, Reply)

Mine is abouit £25
but whenever i go somewhere cheap, it looks shit.

i have troublesome hair
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:41, Reply)

I was back at home pretending not to be as pissed as I was.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:12, Reply)

I would very much like a nap right now
instead I must appear focussed and hard at work. That's shit.

Still, could be worse - if I was in a meeting I almost certainly WOULD be having a nap right now. And then no more paycheques, I suspect.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

Yes it is
I'd love to talk about food but as I'm not likely to get my lunch til 4pm it will only make me more hungry and angry.
(berk, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:20, Reply)

You should bring sandwiches.
I bring sandwiches and often eat my lunch at about 11am.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:21, Reply)

I do bring my own lunch
because the food from the NHS canteen is fucking dreadful, ridiculously overpriced and I wouldn't have the time to go and get it anyway. I don't even have the time to go downstairs and eat what I've brought with me; I've needed to go to the loo since about midday and haven't had time to do that either.
(berk, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:34, Reply)

hello
i saw that you have texted me, but i can't reply yet as i am BANNED from having my phone on my desk at the moment - will check it at 5.31pm!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:24, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:24, Reply)

I'm guessing that only swipe is banned at her work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:26, Reply)

We should all send her text messages so that come 5.31 she doesn't know who to respond to first.

( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:28, Reply)

this
is spot-on. i actually only send about 3 texts during the working day, but it seemed to be always when the boss was walking past, so i thought easier just to ban it than to have a row.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:32, Reply)

Do you still want me to service your laptop, by the way?
Monty was complaining about his, so I might as well make a day of it. Potential beers afterwards.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:34, Reply)

Gonna be embarrasing when you find all the gay porn the "ex" has been bbeating his meat to

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:38, Reply)

He's got an iPad for that.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:38, Reply)

It what steve jobs designed it for the rotting livered bender

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:39, Reply)

someone needs to fix it
i have a best-selling novel to write
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

this may be the most ungrateful and ungracious thing ever
yes please
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

You did tell me what was wrong with it
But I've clean forgotten. Largely because I tend not to take much notice of you. You'll have to refresh my memory.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

A women used it
I have to fix my wifes weekly.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

"Oh yes, I'll install the xxx toolbar"

( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

Don't be too grateful, then.
You miserable slattern.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:47, Reply)

It can be, but it doesn't always have to be.
It's down to how you view situations, and whether or not you're the type of person to give up, or soldier on.

Alt: I'm going onto a diet of jacket potatoes next month, with different toppings, as it's cheap, filling, and rather nice. Just have to make sure I don't go overboard with cheese on it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:28, Reply)

jacket potatoes tramp cock
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:31, Reply)

If people really believed life was shit they wouldn't have kids.
I think life is pretty good, I saw two people fucking up the back alley behind reese witherspoons this weekend, she nearly dropped her chips. That made life worth living
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:30, Reply)

I haven't got kids.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:31, Reply)

I've got one you can borrow for a cuddle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:36, Reply)

Haha!
I have my nephew for cuddles, although he's getting to that age where it's getting a bit embarrasing for him.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:38, Reply)

Also she vommed everywhere last night
apparently Strawberries are a very strong allegen
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Baby sick is low on the eww scale.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:40, Reply)

yeah, she hadn't even bothered to digest her dinner
so the brocolli came up pretty much intact.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:43, Reply)

Not as bad as filled nappies once they start eating solid food.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:44, Reply)

With one exception
When they have a full stomach of milk and it comes up lumpy like cottage cheese. It fucking stinks and is horrible to clean up, I am so glad I have oak flooring!
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:45, Reply)

This is why my car has leather seats. Much easier to clean baby puke off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:47, Reply)

yeah but does it have a solid oak floor?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

And it wooden start!

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:01, Reply)

hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:01, Reply)

I could never do that. It's so grotty.
I'd at least retreat to the car or failing that, some woods.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:32, Reply)

Once I saw woman standing on the street with her knickers round her ankles
I asked her if she was ok and she said "Oh has he gone?"
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:40, Reply)

HAHAHAHA!
I saw a stream of piss apparently eminating from the front bumper of a car, as I moved around said vehicle there was a girl,crouched in a miniskirt, growler out havinga piss; her friend appeared to be passed out on the steering wheel, it was 5:30 pm.

You stay classy Bristol
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:43, Reply)

In Ponty, they have public lavs down near one of the pubs.
Just an open brick structure with a trough urinal in it. Went in for a wee on my way home one evening to see a sturdy-legged Welsh girl, stood up, knickers down, legs apart directing a fierce stream of hot piss at the thing. It was a torrent. Made me feel quite inadequate.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:45, Reply)

Women do gush more
Their urethra is much shorter than a blokes and it all kinda pours out. Its amazing that they take so long in the bogs.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

Too busy telling all their mates about noshing off Dean
in the back of his mum's Corsa, aren't they.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:48, Reply)

I saw a woman crouched outside Liverpool St station (member Our Price) during evening rush hour
having a shit. The crowds parting like the Red Sea around her.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:51, Reply)

hahaha

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

I saw a tramp sitting down, cross-legged
arcing his piss into a drain from a clear four or five feet away. In broad daylight. On the High Street.

In Guildford.

The waves of pure horror from the adults and unbridled glee from the children (and me) were palpable. His aim was impeccable.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

i was actually lolling too hard to click this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:57, Reply)

If you can imagine me laughing and clapping from the first floor window
of the McDonalds opposite him, I suggest you do.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:01, Reply)

laughing gargling
first floor window drain outside
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

My wife tells me
That when the queues get too long in nightclubs she often see women piss in the sinks. Now I know men are disgusting creatures but I have never seen this kind of behaviour.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:47, Reply)

I've been to lots of clubs but never seen women pissing in sinks.
Maybe I've not been going to the right clubs.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:49, Reply)

I've had the misfortune to be walking through the NCP on Welshback in Bristol and seeing a chav squatting between two cars having a piss. Vile bint.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:50, Reply)

If you will insist on picking your mum up from Yate's at teh end of the night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

I piss in your sink all the time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:50, Reply)

I sink pints of his piss.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

Oh! I know who you are now!

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:56, Reply)

Peroni's not that bad

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:56, Reply)

my friend and i went on a rave boat with the ex on fri. we had two choices.
queue for an hour for the ladies, or crash the gents.

i found a nice dude to chaperone me so i could walk in with my hand over my eyes. all good. my friend was not so lucky.

"excuse me," the massive bloke shouted in her ear. "do you HAVE a fucking penis?"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:58, Reply)

And did she?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:59, Reply)

She should have shouted back, 'well it looks like you don't either'.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:00, Reply)

If a couple of blokes were chaperoned in to the ladies
they would find their heads being used to open the front doors and their face would meet pavement pretty quickly.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:00, Reply)

I'm used to gay clubs. In them you use whichever loo you want.
There's usually a few blokes in the wimmins, gossiping.
( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:01, Reply)

I was talking about real men
Not some feather duster wielding, friend of Dorothy, with no right to live on gods green earth.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:04, Reply)

Says the guy who rarely gets laid and then henpecked by his Mrs.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:12, Reply)

*flops wrist* GUILTY!

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:35, Reply)

I'm so wet

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:32, Reply)

And?

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:33, Reply)

hot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:35, Reply)

I'm longing to get something inside me
something meaty, maybe with some cheese
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:36, Reply)

insert cock joke here

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:43, Reply)

I think that was the cock joke, wasn't it?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:49, Reply)

Nah, i was just really hot and sweaty after the gym
I think the changing rooms made it to about 90% humidity today, I'm sure I saw a small cumulo nimbus cloud in the corner
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:51, Reply)

i like to be clear on these things

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

joke
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:56, Reply)

It's all a matter of perspective. This is very deep for daytime OT Blousie?

Alt: I'm having a reggae reggae chicken curry because they are nice. Although on the packet it says Levi Roots is a dragon slayer, which confused me a bit.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:49, Reply)

dragon slayer negro who is descended from slaves.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:50, Reply)

That's a given, they don't need to print that on the packet, they know their place.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

alt: anyone ever made falafal?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:51, Reply)

Yes its easy

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

thank you



you prick
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:56, Reply)

I was only trying to help

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:07, Reply)

I've thought about it several times but usually end up buying ready made.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

EPIC Falafel?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

*golf claps*

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:56, Reply)

eythangyew
I want to make falafel now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:59, Reply)

+i +i
yes, everyone here
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

Yes, it's pretty easy.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:54, Reply)

ROFLCOPTERS
absolutelymadness.tumblr.com/post/25812573038
(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:51, Reply)

i wish that was deliberate

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

That's Quinten's posting style.
SOCK SOCK SOCK
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

:((((((((((((((((

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

My family tree
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-18580332
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:03, Reply)

I want to be buried with a cow when I die, just for the lols.

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:04, Reply)

I'll do it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:11, Reply)

If its unique then why is it significant?
What does it prove? Some eccentric woman got buried with a cow?
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:06, Reply)

Perhaps they were trying to bury the cow and she just fell underneath it?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

back in them days people got buried with their possessions all the time
this isn't news, people
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

usually in a pyramid

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:09, Reply)

loads of civilisations buried people with their possessions
vikings, saxons, celts

the whole shebang
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:11, Reply)

I used to have a Citroen Saxon

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:19, Reply)

But back then you didn't really own cows
it was more a community cowshare scheme.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:09, Reply)

so she was head of the community
maybe she was married to the cow
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:10, Reply)

Maybe she died fucking a cow?

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:11, Reply)

how does a woman fuck a cow?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:11, Reply)

haha, because she was a FUCKING COW
that's why
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:12, Reply)

They scissor

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:16, Reply)

I'm a bit of an expert on Homo-Bovine relationships

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:16, Reply)

that's so erotic i've jsut split my trousers

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:17, Reply)

and i thought cow tipping was just for drunk students

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:19, Reply)

nobody on this board tips
we established that in the previous thread
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:20, Reply)

+ swipey when she buys a £50 pint of milk

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:21, Reply)

I heard cow tipping is one of those myths so massive
that loads of people claim to have done it but they are all liars apparently
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:21, Reply)

cos she was a bull dyke?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:17, Reply)

Hey!
There's enough cow for everyone!

/fattylols
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:12, Reply)

Scientist says "I've found a dead cow, my career will never better this moment"
Man, archaeology sucks.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:11, Reply)

I think OT is improving slightly
Where is monty though? I think we need a late sub
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:12, Reply)

Monty is the Theo Walcott of OT

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

He certainly is fast down a line

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

Do you want me to tell you story about when I shat my own pants?
It seemed to go down quite well on Saturday.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:15, Reply)

Sure!
I can tell you the story of when I bled out of my cock!
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:16, Reply)

Does it end with Baz stealing the pants?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:16, Reply)

I haven't done this myself
but I can inform on my friends, if you like.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:16, Reply)

I was flying through the night in a London taxi
back to Camberwell, where I lived at the time. Half way home I am desperate for a crap and the feeling is just getting worse and worse.

I direct the cab about 75m past my flat where there is a superloo as there is no way I am getting up four flights of stairs without crapping myself.

As I am paying for the taxi I cannot control myself any longer and release 5 litres of hot, black diarhoea into my pants and trousers. I manage to get to the superloo, rather straight legged, and go in and finish my dirty business. Then I discover that there is no toilet paper, so I can't wipe or attempt to clean myself up.

I stagger back to my flat COVERED. I get into the bathroom and get this gear off and hose it and me down. Much better.

In the morning my flat mate informs me he is going to the dry cleaners and asks me if I have anything....."Just this suit".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:24, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/questions/matron/post660624?highlight=answers-post-660685
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:29, Reply)

NHS butchers.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:48, Reply)

I am tremendously tired, please kill me.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

*prepares wicker man*

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:17, Reply)

I wanted to kill Nicholas Cage,
when I watched the remake of this. Utter shite, remakes are practically always pointless and crap.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:18, Reply)

yeah, the original was great and had such a deep and meaningful point

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Deep and meaningful point?
Sarcasm maybe? It was well acted, and very atmospheric.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

i tried watching it a couple of times, it looked like old shit
tits dressed up as art and that
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:23, Reply)

They're Britt Ekland's tits though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:29, Reply)

They're not, body double :(

(PsychoChomp, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:37, Reply)

nah, that was for her bum
in the boob scenes you can see her face
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:40, Reply)

i've seen other tits
some of them were better
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:39, Reply)

Yeah but the new Total Recall has Beckinsale and Biel in it. That has to be worth doing a remake for surely?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Do they lezz out?

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:21, Reply)

that's two ingredients needed for a surefire failure of a film

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

OMG If you watch them in a film it's almost exactly the same as them wanting to have sex with you.

( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

What is your problem now?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:24, Reply)

Nothing,
he's just being racist. Or something.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:25, Reply)

He isn't racist
one of his friends is a beached whale
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:27, Reply)

beached bleached
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:30, Reply)

Racist

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:30, Reply)

I'd ruin Kate Beckinsale.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

By standing near her?

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:24, Reply)

+ 's 2004 film 'Van Helsing' by pointing out that she dies in the end
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:26, Reply)

This is exactly what I meant.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:26, Reply)

I shall reserve judgement until I see it.
Is one of them the one with 3 tits?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:23, Reply)

I am going to wait until someone else goes to see it
If they report back that the number of three titted aliens is less than one I won't go and see it and they will find Colin Farrel burnt out on a council estate.
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:25, Reply)

Harsh,
but fair. Can you put this in a diagram?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:27, Reply)

No

( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:31, Reply)

Life isn't so bad generally
Alt: I have no food. This is a tragedy.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:25, Reply)

i can't make it do a link to this
but look, read, and guess who posted on /qotw:





I am a member of the Conservative party.
I really should visit the local association some time.
I was out door knocking and leafleting in Walsall a lot in the first week of May. There arent that many middle class Tory boy stereotypes there, surprisingly. A few posh birds, but many of the people seemed to be sate educated "new money".
We attained the lowest net swing in the country against the Tories and held control in an awful year in a borough we'd never previously managed to gain since the 50s.
By the way, I don't agree with 60% of what central government are doing and only joined cause everyone here knows Labour councils are total crap.They waste our money, raise our council tax to immoral highs, and the last time we had one Blair put us under special measures.
FUN FACT- Rob Manuel blocked me on Twitter for defending Louise Mensch.
Hi fellow Wulfrunian, is you're reading.
Please Mr Ginger Fuher no delete my acount here I no speaky speaky bout Lolotics 2U nomore!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:31, Reply)

Al?

( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:32, Reply)

*points at nose with left hand*
*points at French coprophiliac with other hand*
( Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:40, Reply)

Bella?

( Kroney, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:32, Reply)

Oh dear, is he not dead yet?
www.b3ta.com/questions/clubsandgangs/post1651162
( Peej, Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:39, Reply)

Defending her in what context?
Drugs, or marrying the manager of Metallica?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 25 Jun 2012, 15:39, Reply)