Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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who is the world's biggest bellend?alt: if you had £10,000 to give away, who would you give it to, and why?
altalt: what would you skywrite?
altaltalt: I don't know, talk amongst yourselves, the questions are pretty fucking academic most of the time.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:17,
249 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
Anyone who adds 'bo' to their name.alt:you
altalt: HAIL FROG
altaltalt: given the choice id rather be a mong than a spastic as they seem happier and easily pleased
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:21,
Reply)
you have to spend the money on timberlands and jumpers for me btw(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:28,
Reply)
I have just ordered a pair of Timberlands online TRUFAX(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:33,
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I already own the earthkeeper urbans low and highmy new addition is 6" waterproof brown leather
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:40,
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I am wearing them now. Shit just got real.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:41,
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all 3pairs? I thought you was an amphibian, not an insect(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:48,
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it's alright, he changed his name to 'p'and if you understand that, your brain is even more broken than mine
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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 19:14,
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And I don't mean he is going to melt in your mouth and not in your hand. (, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:22, Reply)
Does he get more charming the more he drinks?I bet he does
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:23,
Reply)
how repulsive a personality do you have to have for your spouse to ask a mutual friend to tell you that your marriage is over?(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:24, Reply)
look in the mirror and speak to your reflection if you are unsure. (, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:27, Reply)
strange that, you seem to be attempting to communicate through a bizarre mix of Yid and Wop.(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:32, Reply)
oh god, Gonz will pop up with another recipe destined to upset even the hardiest digestive system(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:33, Reply)
Naughty By Nature's follow-up wasn't very good was it.(
Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:42,
Reply)
^ I get this ^(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:49,
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whereas you can't get anyone to go near you at all(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:40,
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uh huhyou used to bleat on about the ex mrs dozer. we all know it was your gran.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:43,
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#
I loved it
When I saw it, I couldn't sleep afterwards. I had the whole thing runnning through my mind- the thing that got to me most was the wtist, not the twist where you find out what happened to Anthony, but when you find out what Richard's motivation is.
I find it difficult to view it as a 'revenge' film, he's driven by guilt, so the only person he's getting revenge on is himslef. Does it count as vengeful retribution when it's to assuage personal guilt rather than right a wrong?
Considine and Kebbell were superb in that. Utterly, utterly believable at every level. Everybody I've made watch it (except for the lovely Mrs Dozer) has been struck dumb by its power.
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Field Marshall Dozington-Smythe (Ret.) optimum wound profile
, Mon 21 Jul 2008, 20:28, More)
#
Tesco story
For the last 10 years or so, until earlier this week in fact, I sported a rather fetching ring through my septum. I'd become accustomed to looks and comments, but the wisdom of children never fails to amaze me.
One Sunday, while doing the weekly shop with Mrs Dozer, we passed a young family. Their young son piped up "Daddy! Look! That man's a bull!".
The parents were mortified. I, on the other hand, found the whole episode rather funny.
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Field Marshall Dozington-Smythe (Ret.) optimum wound profile
, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 18:13, I like this!, More)
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:56,
Reply)
what, two mentions is 'bleating on'?You do have some funny ideas in your ginger wee head.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:04, Reply)
One day you may be a Al, but not today(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:45,
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haha geniusyou need to ditch your friend and come along. or bring him along.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:26,
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ONE NEW INTERNET SPASTIC IS ENOUGH THANK YOUnot really
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:27,
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Monty BoyceAlt: my dealer, in exchange for loads of beak, Bumbles and weed.
Alt alt: int this cloud shit?
Alt alt alt: Fuck off back to Borneo.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:22, Reply)
David Cameronalt. half to the parents and half to the bf so he can spend it on me
altalt. dunno lol
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:25,
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He's filling the void left when John Fortune died.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:27,
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you do nearly as much googling as Chimp boy did.You probably have a better credit rating though.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:30, Reply)
I don't know enough about him to find this offensive.*googles*
*shrugs*
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:32,
Reply)
Who is, or who has?Alt: My local music and arts centre.
Altalt: Get bent
Altaltalt: I'll be in the pub in a little over an hour, can you make this thread interesting so I can have a lurk while I'm there?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:26,
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You have the biggest head mounted one, hth xx(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:29,
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Russell Brand at this moment in time is the biggest bellend I can think ofAlt:
Ten tramps, on condition they perform an opera for me
AltAlt:
PLEASE HELP - I CANNOT LAND
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:30,
Reply)
I like ol Rusty.His new tour was informative and lols.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:33,
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Informative? I think this may be key to your condition(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:36,
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Jason's deep stupidity is a damning indictment of the failures of state education and the corrosive effect of gayism on the brain(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:38, Reply)
I like Ricky Finnegan. "out, out"!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. genius.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:39, Reply)
Whens Michael Mcintyre back on the telly? Hes my bestest one(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:42,
Reply)
He's funny because what he says is true!! We've all been there!
Jeff Dunham is my favourite.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:44, Reply)
I like that old mikey boy references his wife constantly because he has a wife and thats well lol(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:46,
Reply)
He should get a gimmick as wellMaybe like shaking his head a lot while having a silly posh twat hair cut
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:59, Reply)
Yeah I'd totally do him.He makes more sense these days, with unfortunate bleatings about a unified world.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:56,
Reply)
I like how his whole political philosophy is 'don't vote kids, that'll definitely keep a self-interested minority from fucking up the place'.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:37,
Reply)
He is a monumental cockand nowhere near as clever as he thinks he is
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:41,
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He's basically comedy's answer to A Vagabond, off the internet.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:41,
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That's no dark graphic novel(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:16,
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Horrid bullying.Your worse than Rory. You'll be trying it on with Swipe next.
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:51,
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Oh I hope so We could do with more repetitive arguments,
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:19,
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I think she is saying she fucked RoRo back in 2005That's how I am reading it anyway
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:09, Reply)
you sound like a teenage girltrapped inside a granny
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:10,
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:17,
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errrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......look over thereNinjas
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:26,
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MOAR like RUSTY Lee (
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:35,
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Stupid persons idea of a clever person, innit.(
Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:43,
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This is the problemI honestly didn't mind him as a "comedian" and in fact his radio 2 show had some very funny moments, unfortunately he started to believe some of the bollocks he was spouting. The Newsnight interview was execrable
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:47, Reply)
His face makes me want to strangle orphans(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:50,
Reply)
Radio 2 show, I was the same but being able to listen without seeing him made it easier.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:52, Reply)
Dozer.Not Dozer
'Dozer is a prick'
YM
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:36,
Reply)
i'll go fortony blair
alt: a hairdresser to give me a blow job every single morning for the next 250 days
altalt: marry me benedict
altaltalt: get on with it then
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:42,
Reply)
altaltalt. Cheese eh?Made an excellent pizza earlier with daughter, then took her and dog out. Both now knackered and sleeping. Off for alcohol tonight.Allis good.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:49, Reply)
Ironic, in a 'not understanding irony' way(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:59,
Reply)
I didn't know you was hot on Cumberbatch (
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:52,
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I seriously don't get this Cumberbatch thing.I wasn't keen on Matt Smith either until I saw an interview and he was quite charming.
Ugly is the new pretty apparently.
Men of B3ta rejoice!
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:59,
Reply)
nor did iuntil I started watching "Sherlock".
and put the cum in cumberbatch.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:04,
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Both those lads are tall and skinny though, so that's this lot stumped.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:05,
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it's not really looks it's the fact that he's hilarious and clever in interviews. brains are dreamy.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:09,
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^ sat on a ballard ^(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:18,
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Why do you hate on custard?why..why...why?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:20,
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ha ha clicks
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:24,
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The polish ones don't count do they?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:47,
Reply)
You are allowed to take them for freejust pop next door and explain the law of acquisition
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:49, Reply)
*Closes bridge*(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:53,
Reply)
Never mind the bridgeYou need to close the fucking fridge and put down the beer, chunky. Get some exercise.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:56, Reply)
I ain't fraid of no ghosts(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:09,
Reply)
So many to choose from this may take some timealt: I would do something along these lines
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsIOoXG_gmo
brought a tear to my eye first time I saw this.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:47,
Reply)
Just watched the beginning and end of that youtube. Did they fuck him over or was it serious?(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 15:55, Reply)
Yer he should change hs name to Captian Flacid(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:07,
Reply)
Mate I have to ask my wife for 2 weeks written noticeand I am only a couple of months older
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:13, Reply)
Funny thatYour wife is SO accomodating to me (and the rugby team)
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:19,
Reply)
What you need my frind is a Polish neighbourthat will sort that out in a jiffy
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:23,
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She does need some jumpstarting(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:30,
Reply)
If only it ended with being well hung(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:13,
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BULLIES(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:18,
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Stays out of the brown(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:22,
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I'm pretty much a normally chilled out kind of guy(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:05,
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\oI am at heart
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:06,
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always(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:13,
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I may not be a doctorBut I think a flaccid heart is a bad thing... I would get it checked out
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:17, Reply)
Calm the fuck down Feargal Sharkey (
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:22,
Reply)
mealt: The bookies on England to not get out of the group stages of the world cup.
altalt: YOU ARE ILLEGALLY PARKED ON A PRIVATE PLANET. PLEASE STOP BEING CUNTS AND FUCK OFF. YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY. KIND REGARDS [INSERT DEITY OF CHOICE]
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:19, Reply)
you'd be so dizzy, you'd crash after illegal(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:36,
Reply)
Dunno the answers to any of those.Can I just talk shite instead?
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:31,
Reply)
^ Pimp and drug dealer ^(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:38,
Reply)
Good man.What qwe need is non medical, pharmaceutical advice. "It'll be all right with a few pints", etc.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:40, Reply)
Hic YESH(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:40,
Reply)
See a genuine heart medjelly.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2196254
It may be that high doses it can cause face and limbs to inflate but that's beside the point.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 16:42, Reply)
There are so many choices I couldn't even begin to say.alt: I have got £10,000 to give away. The crucial thing is I'm choosing to keep it.
altalt: PLEASE HELP. KIDNAPPED BY MAD PILOT.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:10,
Reply)
*dies laughing*anyway, I thought you were TERRIBLY well-off.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:30,
Reply)
Corse I am, I work in london where they pay decent wages(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:33,
Reply)
... but then take it all off you in living costs.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:33,
Reply)
but I don't live in londonAnyway my stars say I'm due a windfall!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:34,
Reply)
Your arse-raping of a train season ticket counts as living costs.I'm afraid by "windfall" they just mean a fart will temporarily render you unconscious. Soz.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:36,
Reply)
No worries my crystalologist should be able to realign my chakras(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:37,
Reply)
Tease me.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:43,
Reply)
Well I thought I heard a fox dying the other nightTurned out to be you dad bumming my driveway
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:37,
Reply)
Today, it's some useless data monkeys in india who are being shitAlt: mini ape as as an investment for when she's older
Altalt: shit off shit hat shit cunt
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:26,
Reply)
I know, I'll probably spread across funds ranging from property to emerging marketsAnd then I'd spread some on a mattress in a layby and have a group of fat tattood truckers take turns on your mums arse
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:32,
Reply)
that's a safer investment than gold, right now.truckers/dozer's mum's arse futures are red hot.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:33,
Reply)
only an idiotic prick would invest in a single asset, and only an even bigger prick would invest in gold(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:35, Reply)
that's the.. oh, never mind.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:36,
Reply)
everybody knows that the best choice for retail investors right now is hedge funds(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:37, Reply)
I keep my money under a hedge, if that counts.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:38,
Reply)
that sounds like a well diversified portfolio.What proportion is going into the layby?
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:33, Reply)
only ever put 25% in the laybyit's low risk but an unspectacular performer.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:34,
Reply)
if it's low risk you'd expect low performanceIt's best used to hedge against the institutional risk of investing in YM.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:36, Reply)
that's the.. oh, never mind.YM is seriously high risk, though. But if it comes off, you'll be laughing all the way to the Bentley dealer.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:37,
Reply)
NEVER apologise for YM setups.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:43,
Reply)
Enough to pay your mum for a months work0.03%
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:35,
Reply)
A house in Barnet was the last in the capital to be sold for less than £100kCongrats Rory you win the 'last' game
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:30,
Reply)
well, no, it's not, is it?because London hasn't ceased to exist, so it's entirely possible a house in London will be sold for less than £100K at some point in the future.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:31,
Reply)
Barring massive crash it probably is; let's discuss in 3 years(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:36,
Reply)
not at allthere might be some affordable studio rubbish built by the government at some point to assuage their stupendous guilt over fucking everything. Or not.
but, yeah, be interesting to see. I don't think a crash is necessarily likely, but London prices are unsustainably insane. Be difficult to have a fucntioning city with no schools, universities, hospitals and public transport, for instance, which is exactly what will happen if prices carry on like this for the next three years
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:42,
Reply)
Meh, as long as my at keeps going up, it's all gravy(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:44,
Reply)
No.Roasting juices, roast onion, carrot and celery and some garlic. Red or white wine and maybe some herbs
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:47,
Reply)
It can indeedbut that was not how nakers meant it.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 17:39,
Reply)
Pub:) 1 hour, excited.The only problem living out of town is the paucity of choice for nearby drinkie dens. Luckily out of our 3, 1 is ace, one is corporate/restaurant shit and one has an average client age of 90.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 18:30, Reply)
I only have 2One is overpriced and run by a loony drunken bint and the other is full of pikeys.
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 18:38, Reply)
Hahahaha yeah overpriced in cov?Is it 99p a can of K cider?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 18:41,
Reply)
Outside Cov£3.50 a pint. Which is about a quid more than everywhere else
(, Fri 24 Jan 2014, 18:49, Reply)
You cheeky young cunt Nakers.Bet you thought I'd gone to bed didn't you?
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 24 Jan 2014, 19:29,
Reply)
Not yet, I'm still compost mantis.(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 24 Jan 2014, 19:41,
Reply)
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