Morning folks.

( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 7:52, 355 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning!
Sleep well?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 7:57, Reply)

not really
I'm slightly delicate this morning and shattered!
Cider and shots is not a good mix :(

You ok?
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:01, Reply)

Good morning all
*whispers*

It's OK 'lust - I won't make a noise.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:19, Reply)

Thank you mister K
I'm not feeling very clever today.
Self inflicted so I know I can't moan really.

How are you today?
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:21, Reply)

Oh, I'm grand thanks
No worse than usual!

Can't be arsed working but I've plenty to do.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:27, Reply)

Ning
Still in bed. Can't find the strength to leave. Make it be Saturday. Please.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:27, Reply)

I really can't be bothered with work today.
I want to be back in bed with a cup of tea.
Only 8 hours to go until home time!

Edit: Clendrix, budge up and I'll come and join you!
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:29, Reply)

Mornin' all!
I'm working from home today (yeah right!) so all is well in the world for me. Just having ny first cuppa of the day. Ain't life grand.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:31, Reply)

Morning clendrix
Come on - it's half past 8. Time to get up and go to work.

Edit - Mornin' Cap'n P.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:31, Reply)

I know, K
Although if Lusty climbs in I'll definitely never leave.

Captain Placid! Hey! Good to see you. Wish I could come up on Sunday :(
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:33, Reply)

@clendrix
The idea of Lusty and you in the same bed is giving me inappropriate thoughts.

Ach, what the hell. This is b3ta. They're appropriate thoughts!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:35, Reply)

Good Morning!
*strokes Lusty's head in a soothing manner*

Hope everybody is well today. I'm straight back onto the job search this morning, even though I might be staying here for the near future.

Does anyone know if you can still get Lion bars? Mr VP owes me one but claims he can't find one anywhere. Is he fibbing?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:38, Reply)

There's nothing wrong
with inappropriate thoughts.

Though I don't think the thought of clendrix and myself in bed is an inappropriate one. I happen to think it's a very nice thought indeed.

Edit: Morning Lucy! You can get Lion bars, I've seen them with my eyes, they're just hard to come by these days.
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:39, Reply)

K
Absolutely! Anything seems to go here!

Right, getting up. Back later.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:39, Reply)

Mornings all
*yawns*

How are we all today?
( Captain V, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:44, Reply)

Morning Lucy
Mr VP's 'lion' to you.

Edit - they are listed on Nestlé's website. According to the blurb, "Lion bars were launched in 1976 and are aimed primarily at young men aged 16-24". This makes them sound like some sort of demographic weapon.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:44, Reply)

*groans*
I should've seen that one coming really.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:46, Reply)

K2k6
That was terrible!

You made me use my nerd laugh, I'm so happy no one heard it
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:46, Reply)

Morning folks
Aww poor Lusty!

*hands aspirin*
*puts kettle on*
*strokes head*

*realises how that sounds*
Sod it.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:47, Reply)

Nerd laugh?
How does that go then? Is it a bit of a snort, or a giggle?

Incidentally, I did the 'how nerdy are you' test thingy yesterday, and came up with the worryingly high result of 88.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:50, Reply)

It's kind of a Hur hur hur sound.
I do snort when I find things really funny though. It's not very attractive.

@Bk who's head are you stroking??
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:53, Reply)

Don't worry
When I find something funny I either honk or cackle. It's not the best laugh ever.
In fact it's awful.

But the worst part is, it makes me laugh, so once I start, I have difficulty stopping.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:54, Reply)

Morning
I'm so excited. I'm in sole control of the flirto-toddler of mass destruction today. Help.

And the bastard smoke alarm decided to start beeping at 0400 to say it wanted a new battery.

I feel like poo. And I think I can smell some - nappy time......

*groans pathetically*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 8:59, Reply)

Laughter making you laugh
Remember at primary school when something was really funny but you couldn't laugh because the class was quiet?

The more you tried to hold in the laughter, the funnier it became until you would just burst and get a telling off. Actually I still do that from time to time, in seminars, at the cinema, dinners etc. I'm just a big kid really.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:01, Reply)

Urgh
My tea has scaley bits in it.

Why does everything bad always happen to me?!
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:01, Reply)

Morning.
Just dropped Mr Bin off at work. It took me ages to get home as the whole town is gridlocked.

I'm off to get in the bath now!!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:03, Reply)

K2
Yep, this still happens now, especially in meetings.
I remember at school, during hymn time, that we would replace the word 'Jesus' with 'golliwog' - detentions all the time.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:06, Reply)

'ning all!

Oi, Captain P! - Do some work you lazy-arsed slacker!

Weapons grade sticky tape does not sell itself, you know...

btw - Gout update - I woke up this morning and I've now also got it in my knee...

*prays for death*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Scaley tea, lusty?
Perhaps you boiled a fish in your kettle?

Edit@Pooflake - my dad had gout in both knees at the same time. Couldn't get out of bed for a week, the poor bugger.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:09, Reply)

*throws up*
Fish tea sounds all kind of wrong!
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Fish tea = wrong
Fish kettle on the other hand ... yummy, fall-off-the-bone fish. Mmm.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:13, Reply)

It is a proper.bastard.

It's usually happened only in my feet (and occasionally the knee) so I can kind of 'tell the signs' when it's about to attack, but this time...well I was pissed...and...

Who thought you could get it in the fucking ELBOW?

I mean - I ask you!

So the pain killers make me throw up, and the gout tablets give me thermo nuuclear trotts.

Suffice to say - It's not been the best few days...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:14, Reply)

Morning all
Despite it being grey and miserable outside, I am looking forward to what the daty might bring.

Give it half an hour and I'll be threatening to slice some of our customers from ear to ear but it's good to start on a positive note I think!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:15, Reply)

I'll generalise further
Fish = wrong

It's all a steaming pile of icky badness. Give me a nice slab of beef any day.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:16, Reply)

Fish is great
I've never met a fish I didn't like eating. Except a muddy carp in Hungary once. But that was an isolated incident.

Although I will concede that fish tea is probably not a good idea.

Fish, beef, pork, mutton, kangaroo - I like it all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:19, Reply)

Hello lovely b3tans
Fish is awesome!

Fish tea is not...
microfiche is ok :p

Pooflake you better be better for the weekend!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:21, Reply)

Fish = yummy
And good for you as well - a lot less fatty than most meats (not to say that I don't like a steak though).
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Morning all
Sorry to hear about your gout Pooflake, hope you're better for the weekend!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:26, Reply)

Fish is rubbish.
Well... The fact that I'm powerfully, vomitingly allergic to it is rubbish.

I'm hung-over this morning, be gentle with me.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:26, Reply)

Fish = yukky
All fish makes me ill. It's horrible stuff. Stinky and yukky.
I have lived perfectly well without it all my life.
gross gross gross.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:26, Reply)

I just find fish really unsatisfying
I've tried plenty of it, and in various forms, but it just doesn't do anything for me. The only way I've ever been able to make it tingle my tastebuds in anticipation is to introduce another strong flavour into the equation.

And as for healthiness. Bah. My body is a temple. By that of course I mean it weighs the same as your average temple, but I'm not going to let that stop me.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:27, Reply)

*pokes kaol with sticks*
*glees*

A lot of people seem to be allergic to fish, my old housemate was. Although I thought he was lying and was always tempted to sneak some tuna into the pasta to see what happened :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:28, Reply)

@LVP
No fish and chips?

Eek.

There's such variety to fish. nom nom nom.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:29, Reply)

My body is a temple.
Just... The kind with creepy roads, human sacrifice and ritual suicides.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:30, Reply)

Edmund
No sir. No fish and chips.
Sausage and chips, that's the way forward.
Sometimes a pie, sometimes a burger but NEVER fish.

When I lived in Sicily I lived next to a fish market. :(
The smell alone make me feel bad. It was crazy.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:30, Reply)

I love fish me
but never seem to have it that often.

I did some mackrel on the BBQ this summer which seemed like a cracking idea at the time. Until they disintegrated as I tried to turn them, resulting in fishy smoke coming from the coals. Must plan that a bit better next time....
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:31, Reply)

:(
You'd have hated the Maldives then. It's a gorgeous place but obviously fish is the main form of food.

Nom.

Also: sausage and chips are good too. Pork and leek. Multi-noms.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:32, Reply)

I'd hate to be allergic to fish
It would be no fun at all. Being allergic to olives would be OK though.

Good night last night then, Kaol?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:32, Reply)

Hello you lovely people
How are all doing today?

Has the rain spread to your areas yet?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:32, Reply)

Fssh
I love fish, especially freshly-caught fish. It doesn't matter how it's cooked, I love fish! Add to that crab, lobster and prawns.

But not oysters or mussels, I hate them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Morning himjim
*looks out of window*

*sees woman with umbrella*

Yup. Reckon it's raining here.

Edit - Mussels are excellent! As are scallops.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:34, Reply)

K2k6
How can you say that about Olives? They are so delicious! nom nom nom nom.

Most exotic islands have a lot of fish. I eat a lot of salad when I go on coastal holidays.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:34, Reply)

Morning everybody
Fish=Great. But Tuna makes me vomit!

Pooflake, gout is all the badness, hope you get better soon.

Other than that is everybody good this morning?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:35, Reply)

@LVP
do you scuba dive? the only time i've felt remotely iffy when looking at fish on offer was when in the maldives on a diving holiday.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Yeah, it's raining here, Mr. Jim
Mr.K, I was carrying big bits of wood around last night, making an out-door stage.
Only problem was that it was about half a mile from where we parked the van, so we had to use a quadbike and a ramshackle trailer.
Ah well!

Drunk quadbiking for the win!

EDIT: I can eat all kinds of seafood. Just not actual fish.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Olives...
Ewwww.

They taste like the dazed sensation you get when you hit you head hard.

That's my food no-go areas covered in one HSH thread. Seafood and olives. I'll eat virtually anything else.

I had haggis with wholegrain mustard mash last night. Lovely offal. Nom nom nom.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:38, Reply)

No raining here yet
Only a matter of time though.

I've never had lobster. You guys are making me hungry though!

Hey Doktor *waves*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:38, Reply)

@TGB
Have you seen last night's episode of heroes yet?
( Captain V, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:40, Reply)

Edmund
No I don't. I'm not a fan of being in water like that. I hate swimming pools and the sea and things like that. I go to the beach, and I'll get in to cool down but I don't swim.

Oddly enough though, aquariums are my favourite places to go. I love em!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:41, Reply)

fuck no I haven't V
and I forgot to start the download this morning! cock. Ooh that means new How I Met Your Mother as well *glees*

I wonder if my housemate has remote access to our network...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Lucy
Aquariums are awesome.
And even better to visit with a biologist :p
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:45, Reply)

Oh yeah
Just for the record, the only things I wont eat are tinned tuna (the smell *bokes*) and celery.

If anyone wants a crazy Bash, I suggest we go to Honfleur in the north of France. Easy drive, and seafood so good it'll make you 2 kilos heavier by the time you leave, for some strange reason.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:45, Reply)

*sings*

Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooor-NING!

Happy Tuesday everybody! This is DiT, reporting for duty!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:48, Reply)

Oooh Kaol
If you ever want to take me around an aquarium, be my guest. I flipping love them and could wander around for hours!
(although I am scared of octopi)
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:49, Reply)

I eat tuna
out the tin. Nom nom nom. Mainly because I am lazy.

DiT!!! *throws sponge balls at DiT*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Hello DiT!
I saw a man in Amsterdam who was dressed as a green robot gladiator. It made me think of you.
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:50, Reply)

@LvP
Aquaria are SO cool. There's a great one in Le Havre that I went to some years ago that has a room that you walk into and you've got fish swimming all around you. It's ace.

Equally, if you can get over the getting under the water thing diving's astonishing. On one dive in the Maldives I was about 55feet under the water, sitting on my bum on a rock and watching two manta rays swimming lazily along above me.

Just to show that it isn't confined to warm waters, off the Farne Islands in Northumberland a friend and I were diving and I felt a tugging on my fin (flipper) - it was a seal pup, who'd decided that the big black rubber thing was a toy to be played with and was swimming after it, biting it like a dog!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:51, Reply)

If I even catch
a whiff of tinned tuna, I start gagging.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Octopus are my favorites!
Fascinating animals!

Also, "take me round an aquarium"?
I've now got visions of bending someone over a fish-tank.
*shakes head slowly*
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:51, Reply)

@Lucy
I'm exactly the opposite - I can't be bothered lying on a beach. I burn easily and get bored and too hot. But I will spend hours in the sea. Literally.

And olives taste bitter. I don't do bitter. Rubberduck's description hits it right on the head, so to speak.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

I'm all clean and dressed now
I'm off to a Catholic school this afternoon!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

*throws tuna at Jim*
Kaol we don't have any aquariums around here but I'll take you down to the canal :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

*gets hit by TGB's balls*
Hey!

@The Wandering Lustful One: Hehehe, I think he sounds like the most perfect human being ever. did you enjoy the rest of your time in the 'Dam?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:56, Reply)

Down the canal with a burlap sack
and a brick?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:56, Reply)

You'd need more than a brick to drown me
Unless... You knock me out with it :(
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Morning All
Morning everyone,

I just got up all chilled out & was about to settle down and watch some TV when I remembered I have to go to work today :-(

Still, It's only to drop off my ID badge and pickup my P45 so it won't take long :-)
(bill, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:58, Reply)

@DiT
I had an ace time!
It was just what I needed. I haven't felt this happy in a long time.
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Kaol
That wasn't quite what I meant. But it's a good idea though!

I think my love of fish comes from my dad, he used to make us go to all different aquariums (is it really aquaria?) when we were little. As a result I love em!

If I won the lottery I would go on a global aquarium visiting experience. It would be lush.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 9:59, Reply)

@Bill
Got a new job or your old job letting your go?
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Hey Bill!
And Kaol I wouldn't knock you out with a brick.

I'd use a shovel.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:00, Reply)

TGB
There's the Sea Life Centre in Brum, and it's awesome! I wanted to steal turtles and otters from there.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:01, Reply)

@ Stig
New job starts tomorrow!

I'm scared, I've been off work for over a month so have gotten used to slacking. I think real work might kill me!
(bill, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:05, Reply)

@Bill
What does the job entail?
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:05, Reply)

Morning all!
I've got tomorrow off cos it's Eid and all my drivers are taking the day off. Woo for payed impromptu days off!

In fishy news, I'll be trying to cook tempura prawns with my daughter this weekend :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:06, Reply)

A shovel?
Hang on, why am I getting killed and put in the canal?
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:06, Reply)

I love aquaria
When I'm in a place with one I have to go and see it, but normally I have my sisters kids with me and they have to go round at 100mph.

This reminds me that I must go to the London one again soon, it's been years since I was there.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:06, Reply)

haha
the girl in my office just offered to make us tea then threw a strop as

a) We didn't put the dishwasher on as there were only FIVE cups in it
b) We told her to reuse our mugs from earlier
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:10, Reply)

@ Stig
The company I'm going to be working for (http://www.gen-networks.com/) has a worldwide fibre optic network for moving broadcast quality video around the globe, I'll be a support engineer helping to keep this network running.

Shoud be fun.

Edit: Hey TGB
(bill, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:10, Reply)

I saw "The Fall" last night
and highly recommend it to anyone who gets the chance to see it. It's utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful. I was in (subtle) floods by the end. It's not terribly deep or profound, but just a stunningly well thought-out, well-made film.

Oh, and morning all!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Hey Bill!
My favourite thing about the London Aquarium is the jellyfish tank. So clever!
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)

Hey Kaol!
Is it a clever tank or clever jellyfish?

*Goes to get the bus*
(bill, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Morning Morning Morning
How are we all?

Just as a shameless charity plug, anyone who wants their name/business emblazoned on my limousine during the Scumball3000 2009 event, which will have national TV, DVD and magazine coverage, as well as the run-up (I have some local papers and TV interested in articles) then gaz me.

Its for the Chase Children's charity, and I'm also looking to raise funds for NDCS also.

I'm also looking to hold an internet raffle, so if you are, or know someone who is, interested in donating items for it, I'd be much appreciative!

If you fancy a look at the monster in question, check out www.DuchessTheLimo.com (its only the front page at the moment, I'll be updating over the next few days).

Otherwise, I'm doing well.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Hey Ethelred
Can I have "TGB FTW" on your car :p I'll pay five of the queen's finest.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Mornin' folks
It's my least favourite day - suicide Tuesday. Ferkin great, roll on Wednesday.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Wheee!
Lots of people are around now. Hello everyone!

I am filling out a job application that requires me to be creative. This is going to be fun.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:21, Reply)

Blue Planet Aquarium
Just North of Chester is pretty damn good, although the crowds around the piranhas at feeding time are a bit thick.

Syw Mor Mon (Sp?) on Anglesey is also good (or was) with lots of local species.

Don't take a zoologist, though. Take a Marine Biologist *bows*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:22, Reply)

TGB
That sounds fair :)

I'm putting personal adverts/details on the rear quarters, dependant on how many I get as to how big your sticker will be :)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:23, Reply)

@LvP
Given the economic climate, whatever job is thrown your way, you want to consider it very closely! Jobs are becoming harder to come by!
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Yeah...
Suicide Tuesday...
*frowns*
It'd stop my hangover though.

'Red, good luck with that!
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Good morning folks.
I need cheering up. I can't get back into the swing of things after my week off and I'm a bit down.
( girlinthehole, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:24, Reply)

Stig
Oh I am. I'm gunna work my little bottom off on this one. It's for a job in television though and I'm sure there are plenty more "wacky crazy out there" people who will get snapped up.
I'm more than aware of how bloody difficult it is to get employed at the moment.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:25, Reply)

@Ethelred
There is a very, very big part of me that wants to pay copious amounts of money to have my face on your bonnet.

Then my sanity kicks in and I realise that considering I can't yet afford to rent my own place I've probably got more important things to do with my money.

If I win the lottery though...
( Captain V, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:26, Reply)

BGB
How would you like cheering up?

Jokes? Frottage? Kittens?

I can provide any of these.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Frottage?
I'm up for that *shrugs*
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:27, Reply)

@himjim
I think some light frottage to start with and then move on to some heavy kittenage.
( girlinthehole, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:28, Reply)

BGB
Big hug my love.
Have a midget gem.
Go on.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:28, Reply)

*frots*
*lightly*

I can take my shirt off and get some pictures taken. Or I can send you a picture of when I was a model in a giant condom for NME :)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:30, Reply)

LvP
If you want to get into Television, that's easy.

Get on an reality TV show (Big Brother is usually the best bet). Do something insane (i.e cause arguments, act as thick as a pound of tripe, bitch all the time etc), then wait for the offers to come flooding to release your autobiography/own perfume/tv show/delete as applicable.
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:30, Reply)

Hmmmm
I reckon I could rustle up some capering apes from somewhere if anyone was interested as well...
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:30, Reply)

@LvP
I'm not sure about the midget gem. I've eaten so much crap over the week that a single midget gem might tip me over the edge and I'll explode.


Nope, not even a wafer thin mint must past my lips.


@himjim - I like the taking off shirt idea. Naked frottage is usually the best.
( girlinthehole, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Captain
I'll price it up if you like!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)

My body got out of bed
but my head didn't. It was the best compromise we could meet.

Now I am at work, a headless corpse. At least I'm safe from Zombies.

BGB - *hugs bigly*
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Capering Apes?
Could you do a Gamboling Orang-Utan?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)

@BGB
You're not related to "Mr Creosote" are you....?
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:32, Reply)

BGB
Oh dear. It's that bad is it? Have a grape then. mmmmmm. fruity.

Stig - I don't want to be ON tv, this role is within a TV company. Good lord, who would want to see me on TV every day? I'd be rubbish! I'm much too easily distracted by shiny objects to talk to a camera.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:32, Reply)

BGB


I'm off to town quickly which involves me going passed an old fashioned sweet shop. Would you like anything?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:34, Reply)

V that would be awesome!
Start saving!

I am having a great rant with my boss about how fucking annoying the general public are :D Especially slow moving people with bags and those survey people.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:34, Reply)

@LvP
You won't be any worse than some of the tripe that's out there! For flip's sake, if Jade "waste of blood and organs" Goody can host a TV show, then anyone can!

Arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh! Is there blood coming out of my ears.....?!
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:35, Reply)

@Mrs Bin
No thanks, I'm back on the fruit.
( girlinthehole, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

@ LVP - Grapevine?
Hiya LVP,

Have you been using grapevine jobs (www.grapevinejobs.co.UK I think)

Good for broadcast jobs.

Good luck
(bill, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:38, Reply)

BGB
*takes shirt off*

Condom/Nme

PANTS!

Me, in a dress.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:38, Reply)

It would seem Himjim
that the god of t'internets decided it would be unholy for us to see you in a dress.

*edit* works now. Pass the mind bleach.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:40, Reply)

Oooh Bill
I don't believe we've met and already you are being super useful, thank you very much!
I shall have a look at that once I've come up with my 2 TV programme ideas.

*dons thinking cap*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:42, Reply)

@himjim
Yay! thanks for the pics.

I particularly liked the pic of you in a nurses uniform. I have a fondness for men in womens clothing : )


I'm feeling a bit better already.
( girlinthehole, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

BGB
more animals
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

It's a full on nurse uniform....
the internet gods don't like me it let me see it :|

Fetching poncho though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

@ acrenne
have you dialled 00 before dialling your number?

00 gives you an outside line (i.e to the rest of the world) the 32 bit is for Belgium, if I remember correctly, and the rest is your contact phone number.
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:46, Reply)

I fix'd
the link now.

I'm trying to find some fluffeh now.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:48, Reply)

My internet is slow
so I may be too late but ancrenne try

0032 then the number
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:48, Reply)

I know if
you phone the UK from elsewhere then you drop the 0 at the beginning of the number.

Can you phone the operator and ask them to connect you?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:48, Reply)

I was just going to
chip in! +32 can work on a mobile phone - if you hold down "0" it turns into a "+" and you can dial it that way.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)

morning
I've just got up

it's great

although it is or was raining. that's not so good :-/

how are you all?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:00, Reply)

I think it's started spitting here
The weather that is, not anyone in the office.
Hey Vipros you lazy git :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:03, Reply)

Morning V
Good thanks matey. Still listening to Death Magnetic, I keep trying to listen to something else but my iPod won't let me.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:04, Reply)

It's been raining here
For about an hour now. And I was going to be good and walk into town, now I think I'll probably just drive.
Lazy I know.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:05, Reply)

Tightly
Do you like it? I have it at last and it's going on my ipod tonight!
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Morning all
Well, I've done my to-do list for today:

- Go to uni: done
- Come home from uni: done

Grand. Bring on toasties and tv.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Blue-arsed fly
This morning I am reminded of the phrase "A lack of planning on your part will not constitute an emergency on my part."

Unfortunately, I have no choice but to sort out more eleventh hour requests from PITA 'customers'.

Still, only got October to suffer before I have a week off!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Because you
shouldn't put magnets near electronics!

I need to walk into town and get my car tax as it expires tomorrow.

Leaving it till the last possible moment as always. Although the DVLA said they normally give you a few weeks leeway time when I called them last time after it failed it's MOT.

Sweeeeeet my boss just gave me a Subway discount voucher! Woooooooo!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)

lazy? moi?
my head still feels all sleepy...

we're having a cowl put on our chimney at the moment, and the guy was doing a smoke test. probably about a third of the smoke stayed in my living room.

I wasn't too happy about that, so they are going to sweep it (again). hopefully that will sort things!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Subway discount, TGB?
I'm assuming that's not to get cheap underground transport.

I find the problem with Subway (the sandwich shop) is that you have to know the lingo before you go in. I very rarely use Subway, and always have to umm and erm when making my choice. The possible combinations must be astronomical in magnitude.

I'd like to go in and say my order in one coherent sentence, but I end up mumbling thus: 6" wholegrain..ham..cheese, and everything else...no wait, no olives...oh you don't do olives?...well that's OK...no mustard then" which takes me ages.

I feel bad about holding up the queue and also a bit daft not knowing the language. But the only way to learn it is to practice. It's a vicious circle.

I bring my own lunch most days!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:18, Reply)

I basically lived
on Subway sandwiches on The Epic Road Trip. Although I did taste the local dishes like an Irish breakfast and an Ulster fry.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:20, Reply)

Yes the subway shop
K2K6 I just point at what I want.

Easier that way
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:21, Reply)

I sometimes like a good Subway
But it always steal all my money. Even with the 5% discount card I get.

Tastes mighty decent though.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:22, Reply)

I like Subway
But I tend to have the same thing every time, so have it down pat:

Hi, may I please have a footlong Italian BMT, on honey oat, toasted please. *pause* May I please have lettuce, sweetcorn and jalapenos on that, and some honey mustard sauce. Thank you!"

Om nom nom.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:23, Reply)

Subway
only language you need:

6 inch meatball with cheese, lettuce and pickles

I used to have to walk past one on my way to uni.

the smell of the place used to make me want to hurl
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:25, Reply)

Awww, don't knock Subway
The steak(?) and cheese melt with olives, jalapenos and southern sauce is nomtastic.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:27, Reply)

Meatballs
The problem with meatball subs is you risk firing a naughty meatball out of your sandwich every time you take a bite.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:28, Reply)

TGB has reminded me
A good mate of mine from undergrad days came from Aberdeen. Now, in Scotland, we have a highly delicious bread product known in most parts as a buttery, also known as an Aberdeen roll. It is, as you might guess, a butter-rich, dense bread roll. Kind of like a geometric variant of a croissant, but harder.

Anyway, in Aberdeen, these are simply referred to as 'rolls'.

So we said to Ian, my Aberdeen mate, "So if you're in a bakery in Aberdeen and ask for a roll, you get a buttery by default?".

"Aye, that's right".

"So what happens if you want a normal roll, like we have here? I mean, if you go into a bakery here and ask for a roll, you get a roll - if you want a buttery you have to ask for a buttery".

His reply was logical, but amused me.

"Well, you just point to it and say 'One of them, please'".

I've since found out that they're referred to as softies in Aberdeen, but that spoils the story a bit
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:29, Reply)

You know that thing about Manchester and rain?
It's all true. Bastarding pissed it down this morning when I was walking from the hotel to the office. Aaaaand since I was wearing my shiney new leather soled shoes, it was like walking on an ice rink for about a mile.

I almost made it too, then just nipped into the local shop to pick up some breakfast, and did two proper comedy full length slapstick falls on the shiny bricks that they very handily place outside.

...then I did it again when I go inside the shop.

So now, I have a total of a bruised elbow, a wrenched and possibly bruised shoulder, a sore bum, and a laptop that's on it's last legs (the screen goes wibbly every so often).

It was not the best start to the day.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:29, Reply)

LabM
Ha. A naughty meatball.
That made me laugh.

But yes, the meatball sub is delicious. with cheese, peppers, onions, olives and jalapenos and some mayo.

OM NOM NOM.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Fireflier
I'm sorry to hear about your bruises, I really am.

But haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!

Thank you for sharing.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:32, Reply)

They really are everywhere
I passed 4 walking home from uni. It's a half hour walk, and I could have passed another one if I had taken a slightly different route.

Oh, and there's one just across the river from me too.

How are you, ancrenne?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Ancrenne - food?
I know what you like, honey, and Luis and Wookiee were in there last night. I walked past though. I was saving myself for when you're here.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Ancrenne
Have you never had a kebab while sober?

Depending on the kebab establishment, they can either be a joy, or a dreadful mistake.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:42, Reply)

I've never had a kebab
And I never want to have one.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:43, Reply)

@Fireflier
I nearly fell in Mcr today too, on the shiny stones outside the shops on Oxford Street. Didn't have any waterproofs and got absolutely soaked on the way to work...
(gin'll fix it, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:43, Reply)

Funnily enough
I've never had a kebab either. I don't really class it as a foodstuff, even when drunk!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:44, Reply)

I don't drink
So "drunk food cravings" have never really been an issue.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:46, Reply)

So
how come you're hung over then Kaol?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:47, Reply)

Drunk on the blood :p
*grins*
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:48, Reply)

@ Gin
I was well waterproofed up, so didn't get too wet until I decided to go for a roll around on the ground. Grrr.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:51, Reply)

According to new research
Hangover cravings should be satisfied. It's your body actually asking for what it needs!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Kaol doesn't drink.
If by 'doesn't', I mean 'does'. And if by '.' I means 'shitloads'.

acknowledges Al
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:53, Reply)

Kebabs
I've had some great sober kebabs, as well as gyros (Greek variant).

Unfortunately, I have had a couple of kebabs that have made me evacuate from both ends simultaneously, so I don't eat at one place anymore.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Drunken cravings
I hate getting cravings that involve cooking something. It's an accident waiting to happen.

Pizza with the polystyrene base still attached and melted to the bottom is not very palatable.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Which joke?
The Al one?
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Yes.
Al is funny.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:11, Reply)

*noms*
footlong Italian BMT, cheese, toasted, lettuce, onions, peppers, gherkins, sweetcorn and sweet onion sauce on heart Italian bread. Done!

All round win
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:13, Reply)

@ oneinthepink
I know what you mean about cooking catastrophes!

After a heavy Friday session that ended with a round of Martinis I awoke on Saturday morning feeling like someone had sandpapered my mouth with essence of Barbara Cartland.

I craved chilli, so I dragged myself out to Tescos and bought the requisite items and dragged my sorry arse back home and started cooking. It was going to be a masterpiece, and I was going to eat the lot. It had smoked jalapenos, special chilli power from texas and a dash of special ingredient.

I left it to simmer, salivating about booting the hangover out of my system with hot chili goodness. I sat down on my bed, and flicked on the TV; for some reason I couldn't concentrate and all I could think about was eating my delicious concoction, I was almost inside the pan with glee.

ARGH FUCK TWAT ARSE

I jack knifed off my bed. I had been asleep, sitting up, for the last two hours. My chilli was ruined.

:*(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:14, Reply)

It's all gone
a bit quiet.

So I'm off to the pool for a few lengths.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:22, Reply)

It has...
Although I am mostly lurking here in the corner today.

Enjoy your length!





Er, hang on, that didn't sound right...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:26, Reply)

Back from new system training
Christ it was dull.
And they wouldn't let me get my bacon and sausage at break time. Bastards!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:31, Reply)

Boring!
I'm eating a banana, I'm that bored.
*sighs*

Edit: BK! Yay!
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Hey clendrix
*sleepy flex*

I'm so tired and hungry.
*feels meh*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:34, Reply)

BK
*hugs*

Time for a break? Food and a stroll?
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:35, Reply)

In a bit
Got some loose ends to tie up first.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:36, Reply)

BK!
How you feeling?

Clendrix!
I always have the urge to write banananananananananananananaBATMAN!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:39, Reply)

@ TGB
Much better thanks!

Very hungry though, and I need a cigarette.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:41, Reply)

Badger
One should always honour one's urges.

Mmm...smoke. But it's raining. Stupid laws.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:45, Reply)

Yeah...
Cigarette time soon...
I've got two left.
I need some new ones.
Rrrraaaaaarrrrrgh!
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Kaol
Pop over here and have a smoke with me.
*likes smoke buddies*
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:53, Reply)

I forgot
to refill my baccy tin this morning meaning I'm left with dried out scrappings to make my ciggies for this afternoon. I am not happy about that at all.
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Noon.
I've lost my mojo.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Clendrix
I wish I could just pop over :(

Damn distance!

I shall joint you for a smoke soon though, it has to be done!

Fuzzy, did you check down the back of the sofa cushions?
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:56, Reply)

Pirate
I'm in a similar position! How disappointing those smokes are... :(

Kaol - any time, my dear!
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 12:56, Reply)

The trouble
with losing one's mojo is that you need mojo to be able to find it.

Meh.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:00, Reply)

I smoked a very big Cigar on Saturday night.
And I can still taste it. Yeuch.

And no, when I say Cigar I do not mean 'Penis'.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:00, Reply)

Damn you all
My early lunch means smoke time for me is over 4 hours away :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:00, Reply)

The boss is away
And technically I am the most senior person in the lab, but will that allow me to get away with sleeping at my desk?

I doubt it :(
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:04, Reply)

Yay!
I have smoked and have had the last of my lamb casserole.

*happies*

@TGB
No chance of popping out for a sneaky one later on?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:05, Reply)

Grrr....
I'm so angry at the moment I think I need to take up smoking.

Basically, the department I work for (against my protestations) farmed out a bit of our work to a very well-respected automotive engineering company in the midlands, purely due to the fact that we've got quite a bit on our plates at the moment.

We've had the work back, and the powers that be have signed their acceptance of it and any legal comeback that we had on it.

I've taken a look at it today, and it's a complete crock of shit. A bunch of rabid baboons could have done a better job. Which means that yours truly and his colleagues have to spend about another month sorting out the mess they've made.

Grrrrr.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:07, Reply)

Argh
my credit card people have sent me a text saying they want to talk to me today.

*hides*

If anyone asks I now live in Nigeria

Holyfuck my minimum payment is over £200 :| And most of that is interest *cries* I may need to start selling my body to pay this off.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:08, Reply)

TGB
It's funny you should mention Nigeria in relation to finances. I'm currently dealing with a nice man in Nigeria called Mr Jones David who's sorting me out with a share of eleventy hundred gazillion pounds, just for the privilege of being able to use my bank account as a holding area.

I like it when good stuff happens ;)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Don't hide, TGB...
Front it out. It's shit, but it's best to deal with these things, innit?

If all else fails, just unleash John Anderson on them!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Suicide Tuesday has just taken a turn for the worse.
I thought hair of the dog would help me out at lunchtime.
I entered the pub and there was a wake going on and that negged me out straight away. I was just about to leave but the landlord spied me and started pouring my pint, so I felt obliged to stay.
Then I was at the bar and let fly with a totally involuntary ripper of a fart and gassed the mourners.
Great.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:16, Reply)

@Ancrenne
No. Why? Is he trying to scupper my deal with Jones David?
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)

An item on the news
has just said that you are 'below the poverty line' if you are on £18000 a year or less!!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:18, Reply)

I disagree DiT
they want all my money.

I have no money.
I am fucked to the highest degree.

Second job ahoy *cries*
There was an ad in the paper for female escorts... I dunno if anyone would pay to take me out though :(

And officially below the poverty line it seems. Great. I may need a little cry...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:18, Reply)

Afternoon all
just got one kid back to health and now the other's gone down with the lurgy.......

MrsL, poverty line less than £18k? Is that household income or per person?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:20, Reply)

@TGB
OK, here it is - if you have no money then they can't take it, can they?

If you don't talk to them and organise a plan, they will either:

a) end up taking you to court, and getting you a CCJ. You don't need to be present for that to happen.
b) put you on a credit blacklist.

Neither of these is a good thing. As a lender, they are obliged to assist you. You also have the consumer credit act on your side.

Ignoring it, though, is not going to make it better.

*hugs and that*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:22, Reply)

TGB
Go to CCCS (consumer credit counselling service) they are absolutely fantastic, they'll sort everything out for you.
I was almost crying on the phone through sheer relief as they were helping me. Hope it goes well.
Trust me, they're great.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:22, Reply)

Household Income WW
I would think that that would make just about every single parent below the poverty line.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

TGB
Talk to the CCCS (Consumer Credit Counselling Service) - they'll give you advice on how to draw up a financial statement which you can send to your creditors with offers of payment that you can afford.

I've been making token payments every month, and once the agreement was made they stopped hassling me. I think long term I'm going to have to take the bankrupcy route, but in the short term this arrangement has prevented me from going under (financially and emotionally!)

EDIT: OITP beat me to it!
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:24, Reply)

TGB
*hugs*

and don't hide - they won't quit.

MrsL, yep, every single parent I know. If I was single, on my current salary, I'd be poverty line too.

*resolves to be nicer to MrWitch*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:27, Reply)

Thanks guys :)
I am going to see if my bank will loan me a bit more money to pay off the credit card as the interest on the loan is no where near as high as the card.

I will also call the CCCS thanks Pinky :)

Man if I could go back in time I would give younger TGB a good punch in the face for being a twat with money
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:27, Reply)

My sister
got herself into a mountain of financial shit a few years ago, and managed to sort it all out with an IVA (Individual Voluntary Agreement?)

It's taken about 5 years for her to get straight again, but she's managed it, and without having to lose anything.

It's a bit extreme, but she's too damn proud for her own good and she refused my and my parents' offers of financial help. Long term though, it probably helped her more than if we'd bailed her out.

EDIT: TGB - have you looked to see if you could balance-transfer the credit card onto one with a 0% deal? It'd give you a bit of breathing space to start paying off the capital.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:28, Reply)

Credit Card Companies
If you are genuinely having problems, talk to them, renegotiate the term/payment etc. They will actually be relieved about this, as otherwise they have the costs of chasing you through the courts, and the very good chance of not getting their money back. If the account is re-structured or renegotiated, they are much more likely to get their money back in full, with little effort.

It's the people who hide, run, ignore etc that they don't like. Communicate! (In a dalek voice).

Citizens Advice and the CCCS are free and useful. NEVER go to a 'debt management' company - they are leeches on the unfortunate and will be the seventh up against the wall come the revolution.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:29, Reply)

TGB
CALL THE CCCS BEFORE YOU TAKE OUT A LOAN!

Seriously!
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:30, Reply)

Poverty line
That's bollocks. You can't put a definite number on that. It depends on where you live, how many kids you have and how carefully you live your life.

I've always been careful with money, and even as a student always managed to get by without too much trouble.

You don't need Sky television (or indeed any television), a computer connected to the internet, a Playstation or the like. Yes, life is nicer if you can afford them but you can get by without if need be. A car is not essential unless you live out in the sticks, and if you do, chances are the cost of living is lower anyway so you could buy something cheap to run in order to get about.

I'm not trying to make light of real poverty, it's just that some people could be a lot more prudent than they are.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:30, Reply)

I did notice
that the family they used to illustrate 'a family living on the poverty line' had sky TV.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:32, Reply)

K2k6
Nicely put.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:34, Reply)

Well I already have a loan
So I was going to ask if I could borrow a bit more.

And yeah K2k6 I could get rid of all my luxuries and go and live back with my mum but knowing my luck I'd get hit by a drunk driver and die so fuck it.

I thought about selling the Marina but I can't do it, it's more than a car to me because I am sad like that.

Ugh I feel like shit now.

Edit: I did actually sell loads of stuff I didn't need but my biggest expense is rent and bills. I can't really cut them out :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:36, Reply)

K2K6
It does depend on circumstances, true. You can also get situations where both partners have to work in order to pay the mortgage. This means childcare costs, additional transport costs to get to work, and in the end you can end up with two people working their arses off to be *slightly* better off than they were before. Maybe a more accurate yardstick would be 'disposable income'?

And then define 'disposable'?

I'm lucky in a way, although I have no money, some fairly large debts, and exist almost exclusively on lentils *pharrp*, when I get a job I'll be earning quite well, and will be able to turn the situation around fairly quickly. I'm also quite happy to be driving a seven year old car because it works, dress like a scruff out of work, and don't need a 500" plasma TV thing to make me happy. More sex wouldn't hurt, mind.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:39, Reply)

@fuzzy
I ended up doing the bankruptcy thing about 15 yrs ago (see previous post on never trying to run a pub with an alcoholic arseh*le partner...). It isn't the end of the world. It takes time but you just have to start from the bottom and climb back up. It was a great relief, really.
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:40, Reply)

GB
Have a look at your bills.

Can you get better prices anywhere for your gas and electricity? Try uswitch.com Do you have a mobile? If so call them and ask what you can do about your bill. Same goes for the telephone companies.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:41, Reply)

Oh dear, lots of doom and gloom
*offers his body to osok*

*buys TGB*

Ah, problem solved.
( Captain V, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:43, Reply)

K2k6
I agree. Yes, we have Sky (and Virgin as well), and the internet, PS2, Wii, DS's, you name it. But then we have two wages coming in. His is a lot more than mine. If we lost one (or god forbid both) those things would be the first to go.

We're also lucky to have been in this house for so long that our mortgage is teeny. I mean, really, really teeny.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:45, Reply)

Didn't mean to sound
like I was bullying you TGB, sorry! *hugs*

It's just that I did the same thing, I had a loan which I then added to because the interest was cheaper, and then again for the same reason... the bank fell over themselves to lend me more money than I could afford to pay back, and I ended up in way over my head.

If I'd just talked to the CCCS first they would have advised me to do the financial statement and make sensible offers to the credit card companies, which would have meant I wouldn't have ended up taking out a loan three times the size of my annual income!

You live and learn...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:45, Reply)

@Captain V
I suspect that when TGB was talking about selling her body she wasn't meaning an outright purchase!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:46, Reply)

@osok
I live a fairly frugal life, so I can turn on a dime (no pun intended). My ultimate plan to save up enough to buy a nice house in the Netherlands or the United States. Owning your own house outright, takes a lot of pressure off.
(The Stig, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:47, Reply)

Errm Cap'n V
I can't say I actually offered to purchase said item...

Having said that, what sort of nick are your kidneys/corneas/liver in?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)

@ Misspiggy
Yeah I know a couple of people who went bankrupt, one of them said it was liberating, and the other one said he was terrified but when he actually went through the process was surprised at how daft it was to be scared of it. Sometimes it's just the only solution.

And... I'm already at rock bottom, so I've no fear there. I've climbed my way up before, I can do it again. The debts were ran up when I was with control freak ex, he ran up more than half of it, but it was all in my name... nowt I can do about that sadly. But when we split up I did the CCCS thing, started work full time and have run up no further debt. I know exactly how much I need to live on and have lived within my means for the last year and a half. So I know I can do it, just need to bite the bullet now... it's the last part of my life which is still affected by that relationship, and I'll be glad to see the back of it.

Oh... and I need to find a job... they won't let you go bankrupt if it looks like you will get straight back into debt again... :( And jobhunting sucks at the moment, as others here know...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:52, Reply)

I didn't think you
were bullying Fuzzy :)

Yeah I sold my Wii, DVDs, books anything I didn't need really.

My every day car is a 1.2 Fiesta that costs next to nothing and the Marina is now in my garage so won't be costing me anything (which is why I justify myself keeping it)

I need a rich man. Or several rich men.... And yeah sorry V it's more like hiring it out ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:53, Reply)

I've just been reminded
of a crap joke:

A duck was getting on well with a rather nice young lady whom he met when he was away on business. So he asked her up to his hotel room.


Well, one thing led to another, and at the crucial point the duck realised he hadn't any condoms. The girl had none either, so she suggested trying hotel reception.

"Yes sir", said the girl on reception, "we do have condoms available, if you'd like to come down and select them".

So off downstairs went the duck, and picked up a packet of three. He was about to pay for them when the receptionist asked, "Would you like to put them on your bill, sir?"

"Don't be daft", he replied. "I'm going to put them on my cock"

I did say at the beginning that it was crap. It was all this talk of bills...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:57, Reply)

K2k6
*spangs*

*giggles*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:58, Reply)

K2k6
Your jokes are rubbish. You're a man after my own heart.
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:59, Reply)

It's not the first time
I've been told that my jokes are crap. In fact, I remember about 15 years ago, someone saying to me, "You don't half know some bollocks jokes", which may not be grammatically correct but certainly conveyed the meaning!

Silly jokes make me laugh the most. I still chuckle at spakka's orange head joke.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

@ K2
I actually giggled at that.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

Hire only?
Arse. Nevermind, I'm off out. Smell you later guys.
( Captain V, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

I love rubbish jokes!
The more groanworthy, the better!
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:08, Reply)

@Captain V
And she didn't say anything about her arse either!

Edit@lust - if you ever meet me you'll be wanting to spang me after hearing all of my rubbish jokes!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:09, Reply)

Back from lunch
Posted a letter.
Got coffee.
And cigarettes.
And some oranges.
Awesome :D
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:11, Reply)

K2k6
I'll probably just nerd laugh all over the place and snort a bit.
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Right then
I must do some work this afternoon.

I'll be back in a bit.

I may even remember some more jokes.

*prepares for spanging and being nerd-laughed and snorted at*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:17, Reply)

Duck joke
A duck goes to the an employment agency and asks the chap behind the desk if he can help him find work. The chap behind the counter is dubious, but after a few minutes of arguing and some fantastic persuasion from the duck, he agrees to take his details and put him on the books if anything comes up. The duck leaves happy.

The following day, the duck receives a phone call from the agency and a completely incredulous bloke tells him that they've found him an opening. The circus is in town, and apparently their old performing duck has upped and left and they need a new one immediately, room and board, £200 a week and all found. The duck listens very carefully, then says:

"Well, yeah, sounds nice. But it's no good for me, I'm an interior designer."

Hello dudes and ladies, it has been a very busy morning. How are y'all?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:19, Reply)

Wanderlust, my dear
I don't think I've had the pleasure of hearing your "nerd laugh"!
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:19, Reply)

Exciting News!
The post just came. A box was amongst the items. A heavey box.

It contains sixteen (16) free bottles of Stinger beer from the Badger Brewery.

I am smile.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:19, Reply)

No more jokes, please.
*sobs*
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Kaol
I try not to doit as it makes me feel like an idiot.
Sometimes I can't help myself though. Like the snorting, that's always embarrassing!

Edit: I was going to tell my snail goes into a pub joke, but I won't if it's going to upset the lovely clendrix.
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:23, Reply)

Does anyone remember...
what the Monty Python duck joke was? (Holy Grail, I believe)
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:24, Reply)

Snorting...
It's all good and fun, 'til the middle of your nose falls out.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:26, Reply)

Lusty
No, please tell it. I'm just a miserable old bag.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:32, Reply)

Snail joke, snail joke!
Please!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:33, Reply)

My favouritest joke ever.
A snail goes into a bar and orders a pint of lager.
The barman looks at the snail and says "sorry mate, we don't serve snails."
The snail seems a little bit annoyed at this and says "look, I only want a pint mate, just serve me yeah and stop being a prick."
The barman understandably takes umbrage at being called a prick and tells the snail to leave quietly.
At being asked to leave our little shelled friend kicks off a bit. "OI!" He shouts. "I don't know what your faaacking (did I mention the snail's from London?) problem is you caaant but all I wanted was a pint yeah, so stop being a wanker and serve me!"

The barman decides he's had enough of being spoken to in such a way so instead of asking the snail to leave, he simply picks him up, walks to the door and chucks the snail down the end of the pub garden.

A year later the snail returns and says to the barman. "Oi! You! What the fuck did you do that for?!"
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:34, Reply)

HAHAHA!
I fucking LOVE that joke!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:36, Reply)

@ Lusty
That's not bad.

*is cheered up by jokes*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:37, Reply)

Heheh
I am am laughing loudly (in office stealth mode)
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:37, Reply)

Hello!
I like your snail joke lusty.
I love jokes.

I did a massive whoopsie and left the sunroof slightly ajar yesterday and when I got in it today I got wet. :(
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:39, Reply)

*pops back in*
*catches up on jokes*

*remembers particularly silly one*

A man went into a pub with a pie on his head. After a while, the barman said to him, "Look mate, if you don't mind me asking, why do you have a pie on your head?"

"It's Tuesday", replied the man. "I always wear a pie on my head on Tuesdays".

The following week he came in with a sausage roll on his head. The barman was curious - "Hey, it's Tuesday. How come you've got a sausage roll on your head?" he asked.

The man shrugged. "The bakery had run out of pies".

_{I really must go and do something constructive before these jokes get any poorer.}
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

I love that joke.
The thought of an angry snail amuses me muchly.
( wanderlust, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

I forgot
What I was going to write.

Possibly something about Lucy doing a whoopsie making me laugh and making bad jokes about poo...

Damn you work for distracting me!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:45, Reply)

TGB
Yeah I forgot that could mean a poo. In that case I have done two whoopsies today (the car one and...oh I'm sure you get it).

I have registered for temping work in the area. Now I just have to sit back and wait for the offers to come flooding in.

*sits back*

*twiddles thumbs*

*gets bored*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:48, Reply)

TGB& LVP
I was thinking that too, why, with careful editing:

"I did a massive whoopsie and left the sunroof slightly ajar yesterday and when I got in it today I got wet. :("

becomes

"I did a massive whoopsie and left the sunroof slightly ajar yesterday and when I got in it today I got wet. :(
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Oh fuck. Help please!
I've just managed to drop my mobile into the toilet. Not slightly splashed with water but proper immersed, not turning on style.

Thankfully, there was a lack of effluence in there otherwise I would be in a significantly worse mood than I am right now.

Can any of you wonderful people out there offer any advice on drying it out or anything to get it back in a workable state?

*sobs*
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Take out the battery asap and
don't put it in a hot place!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:52, Reply)

I think I need a second job
I was going to see of any of the petrol stations needed late night staff.

I wonder if my body would cope working 0900-1715 then 2100-0600...

Take the sim card out too otherwise it *will* dry in and you will never get the fucking thing out.
Also be thankful it wasn't in a pint as beer is sticky!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:52, Reply)

Pirate Monkey
If it's dropping phones in stuff then I am your (wo)man. I have dropped a phone down the loo. Just take it apart and let it dry.

The same will work if you happen to drop a phone in a pint of gin and tonic.
Fact.

LabM - Ha. You and your editing!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:53, Reply)

himjim
done and done. Battery was taken out as quick as possible after the ohshitohshit moment and the rest is currently sitting in pieces on my desk.

Fingers crossed then. Thank god I'm due an upgrade in a couple of weeks!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:54, Reply)

LVM
A PINT of gin and tonic! I'm impressed!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:56, Reply)

Lab
edited something? It was so sly I never even noticed.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:57, Reply)

LVP
Cheers. A pint of G&T is impressive going as well!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:57, Reply)

Pirate Monkey
1. Dismantle it into as many parts as you can (generally remove battery, battery cover and SIM card).

2. Leave it to dry for a good 24 hours. Don't stick it in an airing cupboard or the microwave, just a ventilated room should be sufficient.

3. If it still doesn't turn on, don't panic. Certain makes of phones can be re-flashed to work again, as water damage just makes them have a little hissy fit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:57, Reply)

If you have any cotton buds
they work a treat at mopping up excess water. Whatever you do, don't get tempted to put it somewhere hot! It'll make it worse!

Edit: In other news - Gurkha success!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:57, Reply)

ha
It was my house warming party and we only had pint glasses.
That's my excuse anyway. I'm perfectly happy to drink spirits in pint quantities. It involves less getting up and going to the kitchen and one pint normally does me!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:58, Reply)

Monkey
Out of interest, did you drop it into your own waste?
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 14:59, Reply)

LVP
I frequently have G&T in pint glasses, for exactly the reason that I'm too lazy to make frequent trips to the fridge.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:00, Reply)

Note to self......
Buy tonic.
I have a sudden urge to drink a negroni or two. I only discovered these on holiday this year. Mmmmmmm.
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:01, Reply)

LabM
If ever we meet, we should both have a pint of Gin and Tonic.
Drink of the gods.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:02, Reply)

Pirate Monkey
If you can get your hands on some distilled, or even better, deionised water, then rinse it with that. It will make it wetter but also flush out any nasty ions which cause corrosion and short circuits and other stuff which electronics don't like.

Actually, thinking about it, it's easy for me to say that, sitting as I am two rooms away from a deionised water plant in the lab service room...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:03, Reply)

LVP
Sounds great, we should definitely do that!

*smiles at the thought of the 1.5ish litres of Bombay Sapphire at home*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:03, Reply)

Kaol
Thankfully no. The dropping was pre any other business. To be fair, if that had happened, I probably would have flushed and hoped it got stuck in the u-bend or something, rather than fishing in my own feces for it!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:04, Reply)

Holy
Crap just timed my refresh time... 87 SECONDS!! argggjjhhghghghhghghg

I am not a happy badger this internet connection is shit.

Also fair play Lucy! I don't think we have anything but pint glasses either ;p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:04, Reply)

Haha!
I can just imagine that...
*gropes blindly for phone*

*expression of triumph*

*proudly holds aloft a rather solid turd*

*face falls*
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Kaol
Considering some of the nob ends I've had calling me today, I think I'd rather listen to a turd.
*hates the word 'turd'*
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:15, Reply)

Awh!
*hugs*

Well... To quote a Slipknot song title, "People=Shit" :p
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Hmm.
Turd's not so bad, it's very descriptive.

My favourite body noise word is 'guff' though. Even typing it makes me smile.

Oh, and 'YO CLENDERS!' Why are people being turdish?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:18, Reply)

Turd
The best word for this is jobbie.

Inherently gigglesome and inoffensive enough to use in front of your gran.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:18, Reply)

I was just going to get the car
From the garage, but "Just A Man" by Faith No More just came on, so...
*waits five minutes*
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:21, Reply)

*feels better for hug*
Because it's the start of term and no one knows what he/she is doing because no one reads e-mails or listens.

Usual story!
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:23, Reply)

@clendrix
Perhaps we should let natural selection take its course among the student body. Only those who have enough gumption to read their e-mails and pay attention to instructions would be able to complete their courses!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:36, Reply)

Clenderfield!
Finally a sig I approve of ;P
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:36, Reply)

Hey wookiee!
Exciting news:
I get to borrow a nailgun from work tonight :D
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:39, Reply)

In that case, Kaol,
this evening I shall mostly be cowering in a bunker in an undiscolsed location.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:41, Reply)

Nailguns
Are both exciting AND dangerous.
The best combination really.

Also, it's a gas-canister one, so it's totally cord-less.
So, woooooo!
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:43, Reply)

@ himjim
Have the Gurkhas won their battle? If so, thats great!

Those guys rock.

Kaol, that sounds good fun. As long as its not pointed at me!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:44, Reply)

Yes they have
justice for people that made/make a difference.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:49, Reply)

I feel like making
jokes about you nailing people. But I am too lazy
*stretches*

*stretches too far, falls off chair*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Wookiee
My sig is upsetting me greatly.
*cries*
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:56, Reply)

himjim
My uncle served with them in the army, they are some of the friendliest people you could ever meet, meanwhile being the people you want on your side!

They should get anything and everything offerable, they've helped the UK out of some deep shit.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 15:57, Reply)

K2k6
I agree most bigly with your statement above. I really don't understand why it would be such a bad thing to cull some of the stupid people. Not all, but some.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:06, Reply)

Stupid people?
Nailgun...
Me?

Hmm... Please form an orderly line for the Big Brother auditions...
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:08, Reply)

This would be great.
I'd watch this on TV.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:17, Reply)

Just one small edit Clendrix
have two shows.

Big Brother for Students

Big Brother for stupid people.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:23, Reply)

Next please!
*shuts soundproof door*

"Good afternoon Chantelle.
So, you'd like to be famous?"

"Yeah, like... I'm really like, hot. And I want money. I'd do anything to be, like, famous, like."

*cluthunk-tissss*

*noise of body hitting floor*

"Next please!"
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:24, Reply)

@clendrix
Sod the telly programme. I'd buy a ticket to watch it live!

@TGB - so have you worked out a tariff for your, er, 'services' yet?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:24, Reply)

I'd like to see.
Big Brother with Kaol as a housemate. Every week there could be a special item bought for out of the house budget that would give Kaol a cool way of killing another housemate.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:24, Reply)

I am still working on it
I reckon it will be effected by how ugly and desperate people are....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:28, Reply)

I suspect
that if Kaol were in the house, the whole thing would be over in three days.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:28, Reply)

When I was at uni
A bunch of my mates tried to convince me to go on it.

They thought that the public would keep me in, as I'd be so fed up with the other house-mates that I'd end up being angry and rude.
Also, I'd likely end up taking all their stuff and burning it in the garden.

And sleeping when they were awake, so I could creep about doing stuff at night.

That was their theory, anyway.
I don't hate myself enough to subject myself to that though.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:29, Reply)

I want to go on Big Brother.
But only when I've died, and then been reincarnated as an angry bear.

I think there are an awful lot of reality TV shows that would be improved by the addition of an angry bear.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:29, Reply)

Wookiee
Ooh, get you, being all Shakespearian.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Hmmm...
Or a swarm of killer bees.
Or a plague of rats.
Or even some kind of gigantic snake.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:32, Reply)

Hmph.
I saw a programme not long ago which featured a girl whose role model (and I'm not joking, sadly) was Jodie Marsh, because she's 'dead clever' and has 'written a book and everyt'in'.

Her sole goal in life was 'Gettin' famous', and if that didn't work out for her she was going to publish her autobiography. Or, like, 'just be a writer cos that's dead easy'.

Oooh, I wanted to punch her stupid face in!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:34, Reply)

haha
Wasn't it the Simpsons who had a bear as a chat show host and he got mad at something and mauled the crowd *glees*

I'd like to see the people who go on jeremy kyle mauled by a bear
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:34, Reply)

I'm not all that au fait with Shakespeare
but of the plays I studied in school, I can't recall an angry bear ever making an appearance!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:35, Reply)

Good news!
I found my mojo for long enough to make polenta stir fry.

Surprise win, actually!
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:37, Reply)

The Taming of the Shrew
was originally written as "The Taming of the Angry Bear" but it had to be rewritten in order to get a PG certificate.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:38, Reply)

K2k6
If I remember correctly, in The Winter's Tale, one of the characters is chased by one, giving the wonderful stage direction:

Exit, pursued by a bear
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:39, Reply)

Ahh, day's nearly over
I'm hungry again, and had an hour of hair-tearing stress and fury.

I should really stop shouting 'Fuck off you cunt!' at defenseless computer screens and throwing my mouse at them.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:40, Reply)

K2k6
The Winter's Tale. It's supposedly a famous scene...hmm.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:41, Reply)

@Kaol
Tremendous! I just did an office lol at that.

I'm off home.

*chuckles*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:41, Reply)

King Lear
Didn't start off that way. It was originally titled "King Angry Bear".

Historians have proved that this is where Disney cadged the idea for Simba's dad in the Lion King from. Obviously, they had to make it a lion to avoid copyright issues. I think you all know the story from there....
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Kaol!
You editing cheat!

I saw that!
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:43, Reply)

I know
But I edited it so that it was correct.
And to hide my retarded shame :(
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:45, Reply)

@ clendrix
I did too, but it made me laugh.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:45, Reply)

Romeo and Juliet
was originally entitled 'The Tragedie of One Juliette and her beloved Angree Bear'.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:45, Reply)

What?
Retarded shame? WTF? You couldn't reference one of Shakespeare's obscure plays, but you know everything there is to know about the animal world and bombs.
No shame from you, young man. None.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:47, Reply)

Well
Another one was originally titled Coriolangrybear, but he obviously decided anus was funnier.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:47, Reply)

I loved Bearlet.
Boy was that fucker annoyed.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:49, Reply)

Haha!
*blushes*
Thank you :p

I studied the play at school :(
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:50, Reply)

I'm liking
this a lot.
BK - that made me honk with laughter.
Who knew adding bears into shakespearian titles would be so amusing?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:50, Reply)

Apparently
Salman Rushdie and Martin Amis would play a game where they would have to retitle Shakespeare plays if they had been written by Robert Ludlum.

Thusly:
Hamlet = The Elsinore Conspiracy
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:52, Reply)

^Kaol
Did you? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!


In that case...
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:52, Reply)

@ Lucy
Bears & Shakespeare.

It's instant win really.

*edit*

Anyway, hometime. Later folks.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Bye BK!
Home sounds like a good idea...
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:57, Reply)

Me too
Well it's not hometime as I'm already at home but I'm off to make dinner!

See you later people!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:58, Reply)

*frowns*
School was a long time ago.
Not as long ago as it was for you, ha!

I'm off now, so bye!
( Cawl, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:59, Reply)

I like being my age.
And I can smack the back of your legs...
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:01, Reply)

Is it...
entirely wrong of me to want to throttle a colleague for going nuts at me for typing too loudly?

Stupid, precious, French bint.

*types louder*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:05, Reply)

Tightly
Not wrong at all.

I love listening to other people type. Don't know why, but I find it's really relaxing.

/weird
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:08, Reply)

Ah...
I thought I was being unreasonable for a second there.

God knows what she'd do if there was more than 4 people sat around her. The MD doesn't know where to look currently, I am seething with rage at this girl talking to me like a 5 year old because I happen to make clacky noises with the keys when I type.

Bitch.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:10, Reply)

I think it would quite difficult
to type quietly with most keyboards anyway.

She's being an idiot. And if she carries on talking to you like that, I'm coming round there to sort her out.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:11, Reply)

You see?
Angry bears improve almost anything.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:16, Reply)

Haha, thanks!
I wouldn't mind so much if she wasn't constantly bitching and moaning about one thing or another, or claims that she doesn't have time to do a lot of her work...

What I say is - MANAGE YOUR TIME BETTER. The rest of us have the same amount to do and get by just fine.

Grrrr.

Anyway, enough of this shop talk!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:16, Reply)

They did.
Clever you. Going home soon?
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:16, Reply)

Polenta stir fry ftw!
Afternoon all & fuzzy, any more mojo found?
(gin'll fix it, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:16, Reply)

Tightly
As Labs said earlier, a lack of planning on your part will not constitute an emergency on my part.

This is my new favourite phrase.
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Hello gin
Yeah, it was a strange mix but rather agreeable.

I found a little bit more mojo, enough to get the papers out in front of me to look for some jobs... but then I got distracted by the internet, particularly bears.

Oh and have been looking at comedy porn too :)

How's you?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:22, Reply)

Noon gin, fuzzy, et al!
And now I'm off home!

See yas all later on, be good!

*waves*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:27, Reply)

G'night you!
I'm off too - byeee!
( thealternativefact, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:27, Reply)

Eurgh
Had any luck with the jobs then?

Bears are quite a lot more interesting than job-hunts so that's ok. I'm waiting for my clothes to be dry enough to go home in after getting absolutely soaked this morning :(

I saw the comedy porn, my first thought was 'not sfw-porn again', but i'm glad it wasn't and enjoyed it!
(gin'll fix it, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:27, Reply)

Bye everyone! *waves*
No... jobs are poo. The one I got a couple of weeks ago fell through coz the manager was a twunt and gave me it on the strength of someone else leaving who hadn't actually handed her notice in... and decided she was staying after all.

So now I'm short on motivation... and cash... which may lead to the recovery of my motivation if it continues much longer.

Meh.

EDIT: won't your clothes get wet again when you leave?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:37, Reply)