Serious Question
I have to write a nice card for my future wife full of lovely things to make her happy on the morning of the wedding and I need your help.

Since you don't know me or my future wife I feel all of you are ideally placed to come up with something that I should include in this card.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:48, 137 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm not sure whether you want a geniune idea or a joke one.
you confuse me Al.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:52, Reply)

How about you try something
and if I like it, i'll include it. I'm happy with either jokes or serious things, clearly I'm not going to include any jokes about fucking your dead mother, but humour is always good.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:53, Reply)

hmmm.
Dear Mrs Future Al.
Today is the first day of forever. With me. Be scared. Very, very scared.

Or Alternatively:
Dear Mrs Future Al.
Although I know I occasionally annoy the crap out of you with my poor jokes and Dutch Ovens, today is the day I show myself to be the mature and loving person you fell in love with. I promise not to hit on your mother, or your sister, or the priest at the wedding, I'll only look at you and nobody else. And if you want to have a quickie before the wedding, meet me behind the church at (half an hour before your wedding).
love and kisses
Al.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:05, Reply)

"forget packing sunscreen for our honeymoon darling, just make sure you've packed plenty of lube"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:54, Reply)

And your strap-on.
The BIG one.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:55, Reply)

tell her you're excited
because you get to tell the world how much you love her, etc. Then write a load of sentimental soppy stuff that you love about her. Make sure you include stuff that she does that you think is cute that she might not think you've noticed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:55, Reply)

But first give out buckets to all guests.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:05, Reply)

He said it was for a card
not his speech, so only she will need the bucket.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)

So he done. I missed that bit completely and assumed it was to be spoken.
Which means he can put all sorts of cringeworthy crap in it.
Probably a good idea to 'lose' (destroy irrevocably) this card very soon after the wedding. Posterity will feel no loss.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

While you've got that bucket handy -
A very sweet girl – she loved me, poor thing – told me I could never break her heart. But we didn’t stay together.
Another girl – I loved her, poor thing that I am – made me realise what the first girl had meant.
Although I loved this other girl but we parted, thinking of her makes me happy still. She could never break my heart.
Just saying, like
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I recommend including the lyrics from Closer by NIN

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Who said romance is deaded?
I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:57, Reply)

it says "you bring me closer to god" at one point too
that's got to count for something!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Unless she's an atheist

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Unless Al calls his penis "god."

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:15, Reply)

My genitals are called The Holy Trinity.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Mine are called Trevor.
For no particular reason.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Trebor would be self-explanatory.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

"And because I love you so much
I promise to never, ever, wank in your hair while you sleep"


although, probably your wedding day is a bad point to make a promise you know you can't keep.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:56, Reply)

+"any more"

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)

also,
"if I come home really pissed and you're asleep in bed, I promise not to wake you up by slapping my cock around your face. No matter how funny it may seem to me at the time"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Hmmm
I adore you.
Man, how I adore you.
Seriously can't imagine my life without you.
How we've grown together
And how we'll continue to grow together
Generously you have allowed me to live my life with you
Greatly I have enjoyed it
I hope to give you every pleasure in the world
No matter the cost
Give me a request and I shall fulfil it
You know I'd do anything for you
Oh, I know I display a hard exterior
Underneath it all, I'm a massive softy
Really can't imagine my life without you
So much is my love
In my heart, I always feel you
Sometimes I love you so much it hurts
Though, now I get to love you every day
Eventually I'll die, and we'll be seperated, but
Really, I know we'll always be together

yes, I'm quite bored
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:56, Reply)

You forgot to add the bit about waking up at the end of September

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I just did one of those sicky burps

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Who sung this?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Eminem

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)

It would have been better
if you could have started a sentence with an apostrophe on the second line, but still. 9.1/10 for the work, there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:05, Reply)

So far you seem to be the only one who has got the joke, well done!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I'd take that as a compliment from the others
if the lines were worse written or more contrived, people would have looked for a reason why.

that or I've got a more distorted mind.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I thought they were soppy as shit
And terribly written.

Seen as I'm not Edmund, I would have thought it obvious a joke
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Oh yeah.
But this is /offtopic, you can never be sure what anyone will write or mean.

I meant more that they are all actually sentences, more or less, they scan more or less, and follow each other. I wasn't praising your poetic ability ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I would
It's shit, haha
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Trouble is, with your heartfelt sensilibilities
and love of Keane, it wasn't at all obvious that you weren't just writing shit poetry. Also, she doesn't have a sister. Though I might give her sister in law a go.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)

You mean your sister?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Aye, suppose
But just let me clear this up, I don't do poetry. Haven't written a single line since school (before today), and have no intention of doing so again.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I spotted it
well done.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I don't get it.
Too subtle for the time of day.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I spose someone will explain it to the rest of us sooner or later.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Read the capital letters down

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

way too fucking subtle for my brain this morning!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Whooshed me completely - I usually get acrostics.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

write it in cut up headlines.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:57, Reply)

or bodily fluids

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Look at her. Focus only on her.
Imagine you are alone: tune out everyone else. Take her with you to this quiet place.
Tell her 'If we were alone, we would have no need to talk to each other. There would be no need to announce our feelings. That is how it should be. That is all we need.'
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:02, Reply)

That is fucking creepy

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Ta - I was only going for scary.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Dear wife to be
If you ever leave me I will hunt you down and kill you, i'll fucking do it too.

Your loving husband etc etc etc
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Do you live in Gateshead by any chance?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Hang on, there's a policeman at the door..
*click-CLACK*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)

"I guess I should finally tell you I used to be a woman, but the good news is I'm no longer on the sex offenders register"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:05, Reply)

She knows this already. It may be news to some guests.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Roses are Red,
Violets are blue,
I want to wear your skin
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Awesome, he could do a whole "Silence of the lambs" theme for his speech
"Would you do me? I'd do me so HARD" at which point he tucks his cock between his legs and does a little dance.

Fan-tastic!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:11, Reply)

It puts the lotion IN THE BUCKET
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I think all prospective brides should spend their wedding night down a well
in my basement.

I mean, shit, it's a big commitment. Take it from a guy who's been committed.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I feel emotional
I tried to think of one thing, be it jokey or serious and I got a lump in my throat.
I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Alternative answer:
"As I write this note, with you holding the pen, I realise you're the best right hand anyone ever had. OH LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! YOU'VE GOT LIPSTICK ON THE BIRO!!! STUPID BITCH!!" *slap* "OUCH!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I love myself I want you to love me
When I feel down I want you above me
I search myself I want you to find me
Forget myself want you to remind me

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
I don't want anybody else
I touch myself
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:10, Reply)

GIT.
now I'll have that stuck in my head for a week.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:11, Reply)

It's too late for me

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I seriously hate you now.
Gnaaaaaaaaaaaargh. It's already circling my head.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)

touch scratch
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Dont neva cheet on me or ill shoot u bitch
luv

Raoul
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:10, Reply)

The police have surrounded a house in their search for him.
So it looks as though they may have got him.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Yeah but he wants "suicide by cop"
Which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Is he going to shoot it out with the pigs?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Dunno.

Sieges aren't what they used to be.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:16, Reply)

True dat.
*thinks wistfully about the Iranian Embassy siege*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I remember watching that on the telly.
It was fucking ACE.
I think every schoolkid wanted to run around wearing black, and toting an assault rifle.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Not as good as NakedApe's suggestion, but my standard backup:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You've got a nose like a B-52.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Someone at school sent that note to a girl with a cows heart...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:15, Reply)

It's amazing what transplant surgeons can do these days

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Did the cow have a doner card?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I thought my joke was bad, but that was pitta-ful

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Okay saLads a jokes a joke and you've taken it too far.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I can't garlic sauce you're still lamb shish and chips about this.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Kebab, with cheese and chips.
The food of kings.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

my favourite is
roses are red
violets are blue
most poems rhyme
but this one doesn't
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)

that, and the Haiku about the refrigerator are some of my favourite bits of poetry

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Dear mrs future wife,
I am a Banker in one of the reputable Bank here in my Country South Africa . I have decided to contact you on a business proposal of Fifteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars...
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)

This one's in as well

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

KAPOW!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Don't get me wrong, I love these ho's
It's no secret, everybody knows
Yeah we fucked, bitch so what, that's about as far as your buddy goes
We'll be friends, i'll call you again, i'll chase you around every bar you attend
Never know what kind of car i'll be in, we'll see how much you'll be partying then
You don't want that, neither do I, I don't want to flip when I see you with guys
Too much pride, between you and I
Not a jealous man, but females lie
But I guess that's just what sluts do, how could it ever be just us two
I'd never love you enough to trust you, we just met and I just fucked you...
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Sweet.
How about "Life ain't nothing but bitches and money."
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Dear Mrs Al.....
Listen, I'm never sure of the best way to approach this subject with women, I don't find it easy to bring up, but I was wondering, I've had a bit of a fantasy, and while I'm going to do it anyway, it might as well be with you. Anyway, I want to spend a week in a bathtub with you, where we're not allowed to leave for any reason, to poo or wee or puke or anything. We'll have to do the whole lot in the bath, doing it over the edge would be cheating. We have to spend exactly one week in this bath together, not a minute less or more. We'd need to move the telly over to the bathroom, so we don't get so bored, maybe the laptop too. And some sort of food and drink, that'll be quite important. By the end of the week, I'm hoping our bath tub to be at least 25% full of bodily fluids. We can have sex whenever I want during this time, and I'll consider it if you want too (and I'm sure you will feel like that). This would be much better if you were on your blob for a few days for this. I'd like to do this with a few girls, and I figure I might as well get you 'in' on this action, do you have any mates who would join us?

Anyway, let me know how you feel about this, because if you're not interested, I'd need to buy two tarts for the week and maybe save up a little.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

This is the single most unpleasant thing I think i've ever read

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Haha, YES !
I'm going out now, but I'll think up a way of topping that one (but staying on the legal side of things).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Dear Mrs Al
The only way I could love you anymore is if you were made of bacon. But then i'd want to lick your salty thighs and crunch on your tasty tasty...I'm glad you're not made of bacon.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)

This one is definitely going in.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)

My Darling Mrs Al
It's only a matter of time before the picture of Fat Al stops being a cruel joke and becomes an accurate reflection of the beast I have become.
I hope you will be able to carry on with the pretence of love as I'll only fuck up a b3ta-based suicide bid.
Al xxx
( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I think this ones going in too
but possibly edited slightly to include a picture of fat al.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Genius!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Wookiee makes Banksy look like Wanksy.

( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I am an artiste.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

My Love
When we met, back in *date* at *place*, I remember gazing into your beautiful *colour* eyes and thinking "Some day, I'm going to marry you".

Today is that day, my love. I know we're meant to be together, forever, and I couldn't be happier than I am right now. You've brought untold joy into my life, and complete me. I know that our life, together, will be of unparalleled bliss, indeed it has been ever since I met you.

I want to take you around the world, travel to all the Seven Wonders and show them that they're nothing compared to you. I want to make sweet, intimate love to you under the stars, and show the Gods themselves that our love is the most powerful force in the universe.

I adore you, your soft skin, silky *colour* hair, your cute giggle and the way you can make me melt with but a glance. I want you to know that I love and cherish you always, that your body and your soul have set an unquenchable fire within me, that burns with passion for you.

I want to hold you in my arms and never let go. I ache to feel your skin touching mine, your lips against mine, our souls intertwined. I love and respect the beautiful, independant woman that you are. I worship at the altar of your femininity. I wish only to serve you, and be consumed by you, to live within you, breathe when you breathe, feel what you feel. I want to exist only for you, and hereby devote myself entirely to you. I am yours.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)

You're saying that in front of the mirror, aren't you?
Stop wanking. STOP IT.
( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Self Love is still Love
How dare you try to come between us?!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Trying to come is all I can do with you.
:(
( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

He doesn't make it easy

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)

A harder journey
Makes the ending so much sweeter.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Eugh, he's doing that precum thing, just writing it. Bastard.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Thankfully not
Don't wanna mess me boxers up, got a long day ahead of me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I have just vomited a muffin
on to my keyboard.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)

in
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

better that than the other way round.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)

.... would you mind wee'ing on me, just the once, just to see if we like it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Right, sunshine...
you're coming to AntiChrist with me.
I need to find you a unsuitable lass. Or lad.
( thealternativefact, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I donno what that is, but OH BOY, sounds good !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I read this and thought, awwww, that's quite sweet
but then I read it again, only this time I imagine you saying it. And it made me feel a bit sick.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I wanted it to get slightly creepier and OTT as it went along
Wait, do you have an erection right now?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Only a bit

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)

That'll do, pig
That'll do.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Dear future mrs al,
please can we move to a farm so we can make some little barn als?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)

'I like this'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)

This is going in too
as it made me chuckle. You're on a bit of a roll here.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

That's the way I roll,
on one.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)

To the theme of Robin Hood
Geordie Al, Geordie Al, running through the woods
Georgie Al, Geordie Al fat from all the puds
He can't see his feet, or fit through dooooooors
Geordie Al, Geordie Al, Geordie Al
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)

This is a shoe in.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Actually, it has nothing to do with Mrs al so I'm taking it out
but I am putting it on my profile.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Dear future mrs AI,
1101011010010100101010101000011010101010010110
101010100010101010101100110001010101000111100110
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)

That's just sick
pervert
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)

A Geordie Version
Well pet, ye're not bad like. Ye'll dae till ah can get summat better.

Love and that, like.

Al (The Geordie).

PS. Divvent ferget, iron me stuff afore ye gan tae yer mams.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Needs more tatties an neeps

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Nah
tatties and neeps are Scottish surely, not Geordie.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

That's for the bluefaces .
Bloody southerners, can't tell the difference. Ok I'll edit.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I wuv u.
And put a little smiley face.
( girlinthehole, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)

This is also going in
I actually say this to her sometimes.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

You'll do.
Or "Nice shoes, fancy a fuck?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Dearest wifey
Thought I'd tell you now, so, y'know, you don't get freaked out later. I was walking home last night, munching on a bag of Pork Scratchings, when I dropped one. Embarrassingly, my flies were undone, and the salty pub snack fell into my pants.

As if that wasn't bad enough, an urban fox leapt out of the bushes and went straight for the pork scratching. I tried throwing the bag at it, but he had his sights set on the one in my crotch. It all happened so fast, there I was floundering on the floor with a ginger whirlwind of terror biting and scratching at my groin! I managed to scare it off (I won't say how), but what I'm trying to say is that I won't be able to 'consummate' tonight, due to some vicious scratches and being 'spent'.

Sorry.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)

an urban Megan
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

He fucking wishes!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'll cum in your eye
And set fire to your shoes.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Awwwwwwwwwwww!
*melts*
( girlinthehole, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

And who says romance is dead?

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

It's her shoes that are melting from being on fire and that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)