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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Yesterday, I visited Catface and Crackhouse and met Baby Crackface.
She's properly brilliant, if only because she frowns all the time.
I think she will grow up to be a serial killer and start with her dad.

Who will you start with?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:23, 158 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
ahah that's cute! I love frowny babies - they make me laugh all the time!
I would start with Tony Abbot. He creeps me out. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)
I will fatally maim the next person who says 'excuse me' instead of 'excuse me, please'.
I like the idea of pointless pedantry guiding my homicidal whims.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)
I can imagine you in a 'Falling Down' style rampage

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:27, Reply)

It's going to start with some bloke in the EB though, after she's been on the gin. ANGRY CLENDERS SMASH.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)
It's not my fault that retards are allowed out to annoy me.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)
They don't have the right cucumber in her Gin?
Trying to think of a good allegory for the burger bar scene.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)
As do I. I thoroughly approve.
Demanding someone excuse you? How fucking pointless.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)
Probably one of my managers
I'd stamp on his spindly legs, then curbstomp his irritating face.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:26, Reply)
I haven't been angered by anyone today
so anyone is at risk of being first.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)
I would go to Cambridge, a city whose pavements are absolutely not wide enough
And kill everyone who impeded me as I attempted to walk from my ex-girlfriend's old digs at Emmanuel College to the Sainsbury's near the bridge over the river.

I would need many, many bullets
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)
this actually sounds like crazy killer material

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)
Do you have trouble with pavements because you are really fat?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)
it's because he walks so bandy-legged from all the buggery he has received.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:39, Reply)
from short people.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)
I approve of this method.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)
I will start with the smoke alarm since I can't open it to take out the battery. Battery is dying and is beeping every minute

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)
Oh god that is the most irritating thing ever.
I had that a couple of weeks ago. How come you can't open it?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)
Because it won't open
So I either put up with it or rip the whole thing out of the ceiling.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)
Screw it out of its mounting? Then stamp on it and ask the fire service for another free one.
Or however those creatures are stuck on.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)
No screws that I can get at either.

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:39, Reply)
does the whole thing not twist and then come off?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)
Ooh I don't know. I suppose I could try that. Or I could glare at it and use my jedi mind tricks
Damn my jedi mind tricks appear to be low on calcium today
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)
I'd suggest twisting by hand then
and seeing if it comes off. either that or hit it with a broom.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)
Yeah maybe I'll try that. Y'see I'd never think of looking at the instructions printed on it with directional arrows to twist it. Nope, not me, never
Just how fucking stupid do you think I am?
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Try wearing a shorter skirt.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)
Ahahahahhaa damn. Trousers :(

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)
Apparently the fire service will change the batteries for you or something.
I may be lying though.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)
I know they give free smoke alarms away

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)
I don't want more of the cunting things!
Maybe if I ask them to send a fit fireman to do it and act like a stupid girl they'd do it.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)
Best course of action.
Minimum effort on your behalf, potential of attractive men. Calm, sleepful nights without the urge to scream every 40 seconds or so.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)
Eh? I don't sleep here. I'm at work

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:51, Reply)
You don't sleep at work?
WRONG!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)
I did the other day. Forgot there's no bell on the door and woke up with an old lady looming over me. Nearly shat meself

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)
Ohhh, I thought it was in your flat.
Those things really disturb your sleep.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)
Nah, I'd happily smash that one if necessary :)

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Hammers will get it open.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)
True
I replaced my keys with a number of hammers.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)
No hammer here. Not my ceiling either

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)
No Ortho kit with a hammer in it?
Bone saw ought to do the trick then.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Nope, quiet branch today so no kits here
Got the lid off and the bit where the battery goes I'd partially covered by the electrical mains. So there's a dying battery and electricity in the same unit. God I love this logic so so much
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:18, Reply)
Jam a sick kitten in there then.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:24, Reply)
I reckon the battery's for if there's a powercut
Apologies if this is stating the obvious.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)
Ceiling's too high

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)
Alright? Did you manage to find any buckets of wine?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)
Better than that
I managed to find a box of wine from AC Fitou called "Seigneurie d'Arse"

The word "Arse" is emphasised on the box in big letters. I may try and get a photo of it on here this evening to share the puerile hilarity with you all.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)
Oh very amusing. I hope it tasted better than Arse.
I did like the image of a bucket better though.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)
Sadly the place that did buckets of wine has closed down
and merged with another Cave in a village down the road. Sadly no more wine from something that resembled a petrol pump and was carried up the hill in a plastic bucket.

Haven't tasted the Arse yet, but it is a Fitou Cascastel so I hold out reasonable hope that it will not turn out to be a waste of seven quid.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Oh man.
That's a shame. At least you branched out, and you've got some Arse to show for it. I imagine you'll have to pierce the box with some kind of implement in order to sample the delicacies within?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:51, Reply)
Verily,
shall I skewer it, by means of an (in)appropriate implement, and once it has yielded, than shall I sup upon the bountiful fluids within, steadily draining this box of Arse, until I must plunder it further and pull out the sac within, wringing it dry of its succulent juices.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Report back on what you find
If you wake up after having passed out, it may have been tampered with by Darth, using a nefarious ploy to entice those who, for want of a better phrase, enjoy the Arse.
Or it may have just been the wine.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Oddly enough the book I've been reading recently
included a chapter on Humphry Davy's early experiments in which he basically dosed himself with nitrous oxide and tried to write down the sensations he experienced afterwards, with a lab assistant on hand to feed him oxygen if he overdid it.

I feel I may have to do the same with my Box of Arse, though my most likely choice of "lab assistant" will probably end up suffering the ill-effects of "overdosing" as well.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Sounds interesting!
I know friends who have taken it as a recreational drug. Kids these days, they'll do anything moan moan moan.

Tell the fucker to get their own booze. You don't want them pillaging your Arse.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)
Are you calling me a shortarse mr bumderman?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)
SHABBA!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)
reluctantlol

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:39, Reply)
Hahahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)
You've leapt to the conclusion
that I'm not alluding to you living in a residence with high Florentine ceilings.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)
Ahh but you've lept to the conclusion that I'm a workshy slacker still in bed at home eating cheesy wotsits. You are verily mistaken my friend for I am in fact at work

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Indeed I am much mistaken.
So does your place of work have high ceilings or have you shrunk since I last saw you?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Neither, I can reach it just fine

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:19, Reply)
In which case I suggest you set it on fire
Oh, the irony!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:24, Reply)
Fill a waterspray
with salty water and spray it till it short circuits.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:39, Reply)
No salt and no because I would probably die in an unfortunate fashion

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)
It's a 9v battery, not a power substation
failing that, it should open if you pop two flathead screwdrivers either side of the casing and push.

Failing that, I'll come and set it on fire. Should shut it up/irony
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)
Pfft, I meant when I fall off the folding chair used for assessing said demon box. We're so quiet here that I could lie in my own filth for several hours before being found. By which time the brain haemorrhage has taken hold and I'm a vegetable anyway
Ps. My neck hurts today anyway
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)
Neck hurts?
Probably trying to support the unfeasibly arrogant head you have on it :D

Tell you what, give me your address and I'll send round a letter bomb and it won't bother you any more...
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:52, Reply)
Oh if only that were true. Instead I fear that I have a tequila worm lodged in there doing its best The Thing impression and any minute now I'll start transforming into a far more horrible creature
Do you do countryside posting? We only get one delivery a day.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)
i actually have a file
where the client's property burned down because of faulty wiring in the smoke detector.

it is like a physical embodiment of Irony.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)
Check if a b3tan lived there first. If they weigh 20+stone, have a beard and a dubious odour of vanquished virgin then its likely ,)

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)
and that's just the female b3tans

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Me and my mates, when we were about 8 or soo, once found a set-off rape alarm in the park.
We all, in all seriousness, thought it was a bomb, and was going to blow up the park, so we did the only thing we could do to stop it; stamp on it and throw things at it until it stopped. We eventually broke it after a few hours, and we were quite proud of ourselves.

In retrospect, like, 15 years later, I wonder if someone actually got raped or if some older kids were just messing around.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:52, Reply)
We also found a huge stack of tiles through the hole in the fence in my back garden, a large stack of them that were so old they had moss on them, and shiney bits.
Naturally, they were roman artifacts, you could tell because when you held a microscope to them, they looked old, and therefore were roman.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Does the battery slide out the side?
That's what we had in the last flat. Saying that, it was wired to the mains or something, so didn't have a battery in it for most of the year.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)
Oh this is marvellous. I managed to pry off the outer bit and its attached to the mains...with a fucking battery as well
BECKYSMASH
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:16, Reply)
In that case
Remove the battery and it'll keep working fine as long as there's not a powercut, and it should shut up the beeping.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)
The first person
I see when I walk onto Shoreditch High St, or the first person riding a fixie on the way.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)
Fixed gear bike?
A couple of my friends were ranting about those. I just didn't understand the hatred :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)
Imagine buying a loaf of bread
and all you've got is a middle slice, then wondering why you run out of energy walking up a hill.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)
I guess I should just go and rent one of these bikes and teach myself.
I could use the fresh air* and exercise.

*though I will be outside for roughly a week starting Wednesday
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)
You tried one of the Barclays bikes yet?
Even they are more efficient; you'd need a comparison for the fixie though. I'd lend you my bike, but you're 5ft ish and it probably wouldn't fit.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)
5' 3", I'm quite small
Heightwise, at least. I just never got round to learning to ride a bike.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)
You don't know how to ride a bike?
Definitely not lending you my ride now!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)
I wouldn't deprive you!
I guess London's not the best place to try and learn.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Nah, do it in Battersea Park
You'll be fine! Just wait till you can rent one from Boris soon.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)
Or my local one.
Which is Burgess Park.

I have the impression that's NOT a good idea.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Well, as long as you learn to use the brakes
Before going too close to any of the more abrupt geographical features round there. Or, indeed, the pond.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)
I've not been there yet.
I go past it on the bus (when I don't fall out of it) and it looks a little scary. I'm trying to drag FHSP out to the lido at the Serpentine, but she's having none of it.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Oh, it's quite nice to walk round.
Not London's finest park, but pleasant enough.

My first visit was tarnished slightly as I sat by the pond and observed the family sat on the opposite bank, as the small children wandered curiously near the pond and their ghastly angry manatee of a mother repeatedly yelled at them to "GERRAWAY FROM THE FAKKIN' WA'ER! I WON'T FAKKIN' TELL YOU AGAIN! ROAR! WOBBLE! ROAR! ANGRYCHAVJIGGLE! ROAR!*"

*Latter onomatopoeic noises may be an exaggeration
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:13, Reply)
Oh, I might check that out in a couple of weeks.
And hopefully September will come through with some nice weather.

Are there ducks?!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:15, Reply)
There are.
Ducks make everything better. (Especially when the problem is an absence of ducks)

For the best selection of waterfowl, and, indeed myriad crows, however, I recommend going to St James' Park.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:22, Reply)
Aren't they scared off by the footballers?
Or are we talking about a different one?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)
But Burgess is walking distance
I might have some park based shenanigans for my birthday. Or Soho Square based ones.
Oh excellent, actual birthday is on a Candybox night. Sounds like fun.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:29, Reply)
Backwards evolution
For about 1% increase in efficiency you have to keep your legs going. You may as well ride a penny farthing.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)
I DO ride a penny farthing.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:28, Reply)
They're fucking stupid.
I broke my mate's £1500 one borrowing it without asking to do a beer run. I just put in back in the hall and said nothing.

/going to hell
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)
I would have just chucked it in the canal
and said a bear mugged me. Much better all round.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Tricksy fucking bears

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Well if you will insist on going to the horror that is Shoreditch...
EMO INVASION GONNA GET YOU!
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)
I work right on the edge Beckyletters
It's fairly impossible not to go :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)
There aren't any emos in Shoreditch, that I've seen.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Arrrrgh you've turned into one of them. They can never recognise their own kind :(
There's fucking loads everytime I go there
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:50, Reply)
They aren't emos
They're Hoxton Heroes and Indy Cindys. Get it right! You're too old for this shit!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Hoxton Heroes and Indy Cindys Pretentious Insufferable Cunts
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)
Abbreviating to PrICs?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Ooh, very nice. That hadn't occurred to me, but it does fit very well.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Magnificent

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:09, Reply)
Do like
I shall adopt it immediately.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:14, Reply)
I never had you down as having a liking for Hadouken!
It took me until being IN Hoxton that they weren't American.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)
I'm a member of their
fan club and everything :)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Wut.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Yup, if I was home I'd
show you my lanyard and badge and everything.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)
...for the love of god WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)
I used to send out the tickets for their fanclub
I had to sign up to the website to test it.

/oldjobtrufax
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)
Oh. I see.
I thought you did it because you LIKED the fuckers.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:08, Reply)
I don't think the band is that bad
they're on a couple of my spotify playlists.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:15, Reply)
There are wall-to-wall fashion benders in Shoreditch
but I've only seen emos en masse in Camden.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)
Image ref
Shoreditch Wanker thisisbandit.com/wp-content/hipster.jpg

Emo exclaim.ca/images/up-emo.jpg
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Haha the Shoreditch wanker pic is priceless

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Pretty good one right?
Got everything - shit beards, shit tattoos, shit faux retro shit clothing, shit moustaches, shit ironic t-shirt, shit lens-less glasses.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)
It's all there.
All the things I loathe about my area.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I've got a spare assault rifle
when the time comes I'll let you know and you can come too!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:11, Reply)
I prefer to use my swords. I like to see their eyes as I slay them.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:29, Reply)
Oooh, sometimes I forget I have a war axe lurking somewhere at my parents'.
And a morningstar, although experiments with that when I was a youngster suggest that some training might be in order before I try to use it in anger.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:31, Reply)
My brother's best pal at secondary school
badly injured my big toe with a home-made morning star. Nails and Fimo, it was.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)
Fucking hell
Two utter dickheads next to some girl with terrible tattoos.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Don't forget scene kids, either

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:08, Reply)
Wheee
2.bp.blogspot.com/_KZ5qdgu3avM/Sewp3AEDQwI/AAAAAAAABNI/0JSwJ6xIqJA/s400/Scene+kids1.jpg
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I honestly don't know where to start.
This question is too difficult.


EDIT word of warning, though: the people of Pakistan pissed me off once. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)
You drank lots of primitive vimto
Climbed up their biggest mountain, and pissed continuously for weeks?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)
What have you got against Vimto?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)
Nothing, it was how I read some wine or other he was guzzling earlier

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)
it's shit

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)
He's a smug cunt

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:33, Reply)
Perhaps B3ta could release a charity single?
"Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)
/feelsbadlol

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)
Don't feel bad, you didn't cause the flood
It was Monty
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)
Drowning in Vimto wouldn't be so bad

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)
It's a poor mans Ribena

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)

It's nice when it's very very cold
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)
I'm really more of a Robinsons Orange Squash man
I easily get through a 1 litre bottle every week (perhaps I should start diluting it)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)
No, it's a real mans Ribena
Ribena tastes like sugar and death
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)
Robinsons Orange & Mango is where it's at

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Robinsons
ORANGE & PINEAPPLE.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Also very nice
I always buy whichever Robinsons is on offer, so that one often gets a look-in
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:14, Reply)
Either the lad who bullied me in High School, AM
Or basically the entire group who did it in 6th form.

Then Rupert Murdoch, followed by Andy Gray and Alex Ferguson.

After that, I want to headbutt Hulk Hogan.

Then I can die happy.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I'm not all that bothered about killing anyone.
Can I just go straight to the bit by the river where Gazza turns up with some novelty slippers?
(Cave Duck, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:52, Reply)
Harry Redknapp
Jamie Redknapp
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)
I will hear no criticism against Jamie Redknapp
He's a legend.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)
He comes across OK I suppose
but he is damned as he was fathered by that potato faced, bollock spewing twunt.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)
Neil Warnock?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:33, Reply)

legend peasant
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)
What about Louise Redknapp?
Phwoar etc
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)
she lives for now
due to being hot. However I saw two seconds of here on that Sunday morning Tim Lovejoy programme and got angry so she may get it at some point.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)
She deserves a good slap for her cover of "Stuck in the middle with you"

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)
I'm so glad I don't recall her version.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:11, Reply)
she was wearing tight trousers
all is forgiven
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:22, Reply)
Fuck Off Catface

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:16, Reply)
I'll start with whoever is closest
most probably the staff in Sainsburys
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:19, Reply)
I'll start with baby crackface
That way she won't be able to start with me. Win.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)

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