here here
im with legless

'fess up man!
(Xyphious : Sinkin' Gin since '85, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 13:21, Reply)

I'm With Gleeballs on this one.
Come on then Chthonic - admit it.

You got laid last night by a lady of negotiable affections didn't you?

Checked the What Shall We Ask For A QOTW week and not a sign of "Have you ever paid for sex" so *somthing* has brought this on. Do tell

Enquiring minds want to know....

Chthonic Edit: Nope. This comes from having a drunk conversation with mates. I've never even considered it to be honest - strikes me as distinctly unerotic. However, it is a great question to ask.

Legless Edit: I thought this QOTW was going to be crap but now I'm fascinated with some of the tales. But I'm going to have nightmares tonight.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 13:03, Reply)

oh wait
I bought this for myself for christmas. Lovely little thing, very discreet.

And again, you're all sick fucks.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 12:45, Reply)

er... yes
in amsterdam and very very stoned. i have that whole body buzz and feel like i'm balancing on that fence between euphoria and vomiting. now, if i was at home and alone i'd found that cracking on out off the wrist usual solved the situation... it cleared my head or i'd end up happily asleep with no spins and no sicks.

of the group i'm with one matey has been happily heading off into the red light district for a ride two or tree times each day and on his return unashamedly recounting what's occured.

so, feeling the way i do i decide to to head off with him so i can 'have a look around'. he finds what he's looking for and i continue to wander around, sweating and staggering.

eventually i come accross this vision of spendid spendidness and go in with her to her place of business. now, up untill then i'd only really heard stories of what happened based on people going to bars in london and ending up being forced by huge bouncers to empty their bank accounts. so, when she says 50 euro for 20 minutes i thought 'fair enough'.

however, once i get down to business this '20 minutes' thing keeps going around my head and i start looking for the time, my phone is in my pocket, i don't have a watch, i look at her wrist and she doesn't have a watch. i look around the room and there's no clock, a mirror the length of a wall but no clock. and so i ask her 'how long have i been' and she says not long, don't worry' and i don't even have any more money to pay if i go over time. and maybe the mirror is two way and there's a bouncer or boyfriend looking waiting to come in if i can't pay the extra. and this time thing is going round my head and i'm starting to lose interest in the sex. and i ask her again and she says don't worry again and then i tell her i don't have any more money if we go over time and and she says don't worry you 'll be finished soon and that, for some stupid stoner reason, makes me panic and i jump away from her and start pulling my clothes on and she looks a bit anoyed and asks what's wrong and that sends my running out into the night, trousers half way up, jacket still in with her and my balls aching and full.

and then, as i'm walking away, doing my trousers up and taking corner after corner to escape i bump into my mate as he's leaving his hooker... a hooker that he'd been with for 20 minutes and that he'd gone into see at least ten, possibly 15 minutes before i'd found mine. meaning that i'd had less than 5 minutes of panicky action before running away believing i was on some kind of hooker meter that was ticking it's way through my holiday money...
(e p f, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 12:38, Reply)

Drunken fun
Well, me and a mate where out round town and got very drunk. Come closing time he wants to go and find himself a lady of the night. But he doesn't want to go to a brothel or anything, no, he wants one of the street, "Coz they're dirt cheap".

So off we goes looking when he finds what he is looking for. After some haggiling, he goes round the corner and i stand and wait, having changed my mind about the whole situation when I saw what i was left with. He got the "better looking" of the 2.

About 5 mins later, after much noise and feeling awkward stading talking to a whore at 3 in the morning, i hear from round the corner "You dirty bastard, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, am gonna get you killed", then the hooker comes walking / nearly running from the round the corner, followed at a drunken stumble pace by my mate. When the 2 of them go and continue to hurl abuse at him, i ask him wht the fuck happened. In a simple sentence he told me, "Paid for a blow job, I started to need a piss, 'nuff said really"

Mind you, this is the same bloke that told his Seargent Major's very sexy daughter, and she was sooo into him it was unbelivible, that his fantasy would be to punch her in the face then spoff on the wound.

He got a transfer to Iraq shortly after.
(Kage, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 12:30, Reply)

Tenerife
Went on holiday with a few mates when we were young, about 16 I think. We'd had a great night and one of our number decided he needs a shag, so he finds this big fat black lady to do the dirty deed with in some bushes near the hotel. He's so pissed that he couldn't finish and he somehow manged to lose his phone while he was at it!! And it was a new phone.

Unlucky!
(Jimmy Large Is huffing Jenkem on, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 12:18, Reply)

not myself personally
but some pupils from my school did. hahah!
(piffpuffpickle, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 12:13, Reply)

yes - very enjoyable for all the wrong reasons
A couple of years ago I was in Thailand with 6 mates. On the way back to the hotel from a "show" (the usual ping pong ball shooting, cigarette smoking, fruit and/or vegetable insertion type) one, who shall only be known as Tony Dodds, was very pissed and had been made quite horny by the show, wanted to pick up a prostitute. The rest of us, who were all in relationships tried to talk him out of it but he was determined. Patpong is a nasty part of Bangkok that is full of prostitutes, but he couldn't find what he was after. In a cafe, an old lady came up to us and asked if we wanted to gangbang her daughter for 2500 baht. This worked out to about $85 Australian, $12 each. Good deal we thought. When we agreed, she asked us which hotel we were staying at and for the money up front. Her daughter was busy but would show up in about an hour. Just wanting to shut Tony up, nobody really expected her to actually show up but about 2 hours later, Tony knocked on my door to say she was there and to go to his room. When we got to his room, expecting to see a short little 15 year old girl, it came as a surprise to find a late 20s Thai woman who was close to 6 foot. Without going into great detail, other than Tony wanted us to video him with her, she basically, in very broken english, told us, in a very loud voice, that we were all pathetic losers that she wouldn't even spit on when walking down the street. She shouted insults and hit us all even while Tony was being amorous with her.
The video is one of the funniest things I have seen and still makes us laugh.


(goober, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 12:12, Reply)

Paying for "look a likey" whores
Not me but a colleague of my brother in laws decided that him and another friend would get a couple of prostitutes in after a night on the piss. Thumbing through the visiting massage section of the local rag they came across (no pun) a “look a likey“ service so they ordered Jordan and Paris Hilton.
A couple of hours later after the beer was wearing off there was a knock on the door and brother in laws colleague went to answer it. The following conversation ensued after answering the door:

Bro in laws colleague “Can I help you?”

Whores “You ordered a massage”

Bro in laws colleague “Who are you meant to be”

Whore 1 “I’m Jordan”

Bro in laws colleague to whore 2 “Then who the fuck are you meant to be? I ordered Paris Hilton”

Whore 2 “I am Paris Hilton”

Bro in laws colleague “ Paris Hilton….more like Peter fucking Shilton…get inside…”
(eviled, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 12:07, Reply)

Why?
A guy I used to work with actually quit his job to become a rent boy. His thinking was that as he already met strangers on the internet then met them for sex, why not get paid for it?

He was a really nice bloke, I have no conception why he thought this was a good idea (OK, I have heard all of the stories about how supposedly 'high class call girls' can earn a fortune, I have also read a lot more news stories reporting the murder of sex workers by their clients. Happy hooker? Yeah, right).

I left before he returned but I heard he came back to work and got his old job back after about six months.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 20 Jan 2006, 11:59, Reply)

Sex and young children (not in that order!!)
Reading Gleeballs reminded me of this.....

My mate is a teacher in the junior school bit of a grammar school in a North West town beginning with B.

One day the topic of 'what you want to do when you grow up?' came up (no pun intended- well sort of). One 7 year old boy replied with:

'i want to suck mens willys for money'

genius

nearly as good as the boy who said he wanted to be a poo
(Keyser Soze, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 11:46, Reply)

All Im going to say on this one is:

A) I was in the Royal Navy for 3 years

B) a trio of FANTASTIC looking Polish hoo-ers used to live next door to me
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 11:39, Reply)

I haven't.
But a sex-mad Swedish ex-girlfreind of mine is now a prostitute. So I guess you could say I got a freebee. Yaay.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 11:27, Reply)

well..
i live in amsterdam.. so its all pretty tempting,

but the only time i went through with it was in Kings Cross Sydney. I was in a bad way anyway using drugs and hanging around the cross far more than was good for me, and i teamed up with a girl from Switzerland.

She was working anyway and after a couple of days we ended up sleeping together, not a simple transaction i suppose, but she made me pay for everything.

I dont know if i ever would again, most of the working girls ive ever met have a real dislike of their clients , and i guess i dont want to be one of those guys..
(uptonogood, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 11:14, Reply)

Yes
All the time.

I like them so fat they have trouble breathing too.

(unfortunately no, but this QOTW is pretty damn poor IMHO)
(Pandaemonium, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 10:50, Reply)

i tried..
sorta. picture the scene - your average mcdonalds worker - 16, skinny (ok, not average then), working late shifts to buy bits for his pc (thank fook i grew out of that one) and never having had *any* action up to that point in my life - hell, i'd not even seen a real-life pair of boobs uncovered :'(

anyways, i was serving one evening and 2 slaggish looking girls came up, one of them leant forwards and whispered in my ear that if i gave her some free munch i'd enjoy her nodding dog impression in the toilets a few mins later. jumping at the chance i fill her/her mates trays and charge them a token 49p (cheapest i could ring thru the till). at which point, her and her mate grab everything they can, laugh at me, and run out..*

ho hum..


i got the last laugh though, wiped my cock on their burgers next time they came in (was in the kitchen at the time).**


*this didnt stop me wanking over the idea of getting head in the toilets for.. ooh at least the next 6 months. it was helped by some delish porn of some pert 18 year old german blond getting it in some loo's somewhere (i'm sure at least one of you will have seen it)

**its not common place in a there, but everyone turned a blind eye if you had a reason for doing it
(5lab, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 10:19, Reply)

Minty Hit just reminded me...
...about a time when I was about 17 or so when someone tried to bribe me into some jimmynudgery too. A slightly mad Aunt on my Dad's side of the family, who'd had a bit of a windfall at the time, offered to buy me anything I wanted if I slept with her. I declined, on the following grounds:

* We're fucking related - not as if I need any more reasons than that one, but...
* She's at least 20 years my senior and a bit of a munter, bless her. Not to mention some distinct family resemblances. {shudders again}
* I was good mates with the guy she was married to at the time - a former Coalminer turned Bouncer - got me into loads of places for free with no ID-related questioning. She treated him like shit and he eventually fucked off down south with another one of my aunts - her sister, in fact. Can't really reproach him for that, since my Mum has been married to my Dad's brother-in-law for more than 20 years now.
* I had a girlfriend at the time (see www.b3ta.com/questions/pretentious/post40929/), though with hindsight that shouldn't have mattered much seeing as a) she was a tit and b) she eventually broke up with me on a nicey nicey 'lets be friends' stylee and I found out she was fucking a mate of mine a week later.
* My Dad would truly and seriously have ended my life if he ever got wind of it. And now I think about it, my Mum would have had my Aunt taken out of the game too - my Mum never liked her very much.
* Finally, I'm no-one's whore - full stop.

First time I've thought about that in years - it's no wonder I prefer blokes now :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 9:58, Reply)

I have been offered money for it!
A few years back I was walking through the town centre with a friend when a small grey haired old women approached me, took me by the arm and asked in a shaky voice if I wanted to come back to hers! I was so shocked I just stood and stared having never been propositioned by an old aged pensioner before. With her other hand she reached into her purse and produced a handful of 50p coins “I’ve got loads of mooonnneeeeyyyyy” she said!

I started to say something like “look… I’m not that kind of…” but broke off when 3 security guards approached her, prised her elderly hand off my arm and said “Now come on you have been told about this!” She made sounds of disappointment then allowed herself to be led away.

My friend and I exchanged glances feeling pretty freaked out by the experience. “Poor women” I said watching the backs of the guards as they led her away and no sooner had I finished speaking the old women struggled and TURNED to face us! She pointed… and laughed…. and laughed and laughed, all the time the guards and staying things like “Come on now, there’s a nice lady, leave the lands alone!”

I had a mild stroke!
(Minty Hit, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 9:52, Reply)

Chthonic
Have you ever paid for sex? Well have you?

Just wondering if some dirty little secret kicked off this whole question and if you'd be willing to share.

Also, is there a limit to the amount of times I can click 'I like this' on Apeloverage's post before its deemed cheating?

EDIT: Also, Apeloverage, as much as I commend your stance, I can't help noticing your username. You may not have paid, but just because her human-like eyes didn't look sad, doesn't mean she was enjoying it.

EDIT 2: Am I the only one starting to think that this question should actually read: Chthonic: I got pissed last night and did a dirty whore. Now I feel bad and wrong, someone else must have done it? Right? RIGHT???

Mod Edit: Wrong. But nice speculation. And only one of your votes counts, no matter how many times you hit the button with your head-dobber.

Edit 3: Curse you! I was so sure. And in my mind there were pictures that could have been leaked on t'interweb and everything!!!
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 20 Jan 2006, 9:10, Reply)

Boy! Boy For Sale!
I and another friend of mine were walking home from school one day, I won't spare his blushes, we were 16 at the time. In a slight lull in conversation he suddenly said, matter of factly, "You know in a couple of years I reckon I'm going to become a rent boy."

"What???" I naturally burst out.

"Well it'd be great!" He replied. "Think about it. Getting paid all day just to fuck women!"

Looking back on it I could have pointed out his fatal error pretty easily. I thought it much more fun, however, to not only agree that it was a great idea but to tell him he didn't really have to wait for two years, he could start right now!

In my heart I'd like to think that he went straight home and told his parents about his newfound career direction.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 20 Jan 2006, 9:01, Reply)

to save time...
So you don't have to read the entire board -

i) Group of rugby oafs/hooting fratboys have sex with prostitute while shouting. Hilarity is asserted to have ensued.

ii) Amusing reference to dysfunctional relationships as a form of 'paying for sex'.

iii) Man has sex with prostitute who really liked him. Much like that time I saw that guy at the theatre who turned out to be Macbeth, King of Scotland, and not someone playing a role in order to receive payment from me.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 8:59, Reply)

Yes - all the time
I had my first 'punt' when I was 17. A cheap brass in East London. From that moment on I was hooked [pun].

Despite having wives and girlfriends over the years I've always treated myself to at least four punts a year. The great thing is that you can have something different every time if you want. Tall, short, thin, fat, black, white, yellow, young, old and also choose the type of service you want. I love fucking girls up the bum so as this isn't always on the menu at home I often pick girls who offer this service.

It's not 'sad' or 'desperate' it's a rewarding and enjoyable hobby that I can honestly recommend.

Prostitution is by far the cheapest sex you will ever have. See www.punternet.com for details
(Cane: I love Sushi, Sobriety & Shotokan, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 8:30, Reply)

The Importance of knowing who you're sleeping with...
Went to a party. Got drunk. Got talking to some Brummie bird who came on to me full force. Spent the night in mate's spare room. Next morning chatting over coffee as every was leaving. Told me she worked at the local massage parlour. Was expecting her to ask for money at this point. She didn't. Hasty exit ensued. Doh!
(Celtican is 10! Old school or what?, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 8:22, Reply)

hmmm?
The only sex i've paid for is sex by myself - with vibrators.

I just paid $69 for a new vibrator the other day - i can use it whenever i want, and it works out to be less than $1 per fuck before the thing actually dies

including "real" sex, the only thing i've paid for was the petrol to get there.. only because it was a special trip whereby 8 hours of sex was endured

i couldn't walk for 3 days after..

:D
(brotagaia, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 8:17, Reply)

Yes - but a bargain!
I received an email called "The Sleaze Quiz". You give answers to sex questions and it tells you how sleazy you are. My girlfriend and I filled it in and were just short of being "a danger to society."

One question was "Have you ever paid for sex?" So in an effort to bump up numbers, I paid my girlfriend that night for sex.

Cost? 1 penny. Ace!

/Apologies for patheticness
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 8:13, Reply)

Oooh yes.
I paid for it alright. I was going out with her for 3 years, the sex was ok. Then we got a house together. Then she decided (3 months after exchange of contracts on chez nous) that she'd sooner bang some bloke at her office and left me... I didnt mind... but I minded being made to pay the money grabbing cow 5 big ones to get her name off the mortgage bill.
So I suppose you could say I was actually paying for someone elses sex.
But like the Murphy's ... I'm not bitter.
(LunarJim, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 7:47, Reply)

Mongolian Mob
Not me, but my mate Sam. Who while being a very cool guy, likes the hookers, but only (and he says this in a very Monty Burns way) if the price is right (i.e. cheap).

He has a bunch of stories. I'll post each in turn.

Sam's in Mongolia and has managed to wrangle a fully furnished apartment rather than a hotel.

He's out in a bar, and these cute mongolian girl comes up to him and starts hitting on him.

For some reason he doesn't realise this girl is a pro.

Money isn't discussed at all, and he takes her back to the apartment for some fun.

The next morning, after she's dressed, she goes, in a very accented russian accent (think James Bond here), "You know it is very hard in Mongolia. Not much work, my family is poor, etc etc. ".

He thinks, okay she's about to hit me up for some bucks no big deal. Asks her how much she wants.

"$US500."

His response. "WTF? I could have had some 10 women for that price".

Her response. "I like you. But if I don't get my money, I am going to call my friends in the Russian mafia and they are going to come over here and not make it pleasant for you".

A bit of negotiation goes on. Him saying he's not paying, her starting to call her friends, him hanging up, till finally Sam knows he has been caught out, but there's nothing he can do.

He quickly thinks how fast he can pack his things and make a break for it, but decides to stay.

So he pays. She gets up to go.

He says "Hang on. Now we're done you don't have to go, we can get friendly again".

She says sure. He then confirms he ain't going to get charged again, she agrees and he has a second helping.

Pure balls.
(Kaer, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 5:59, Reply)

2 for $5
Not me, but my mate Sam. Who while being a very cool guy, likes the hookers, but only (and he says this in a very Monty Burns way) if the price is right (i.e. cheap).

He has a bunch of stories. I'll post each in turn.

He's in China, with a mate, in some reasonably big rural town. Him and his mate are walking down the street looking for some fun. Bunch of locals on some Harley style bikes hanging out, proceed to give the white guys some grief.

"You want women? You want fun?"

Without missing a beat, Sam and his mate jump on the back of the bikes and go "Yes, we want women, take us to the women".

The local guys were just giving him grief and had no idea where the nearest brothel was. So they proceeded to drive around with them on the back of the bike, with the local stopping and asking people in the street if they knew where a brothel was.

Finally they found one at the edge of town, and in they went. They couldn't persuade the rider to come with them.

The Madame lined them up, and proceeded to tell them, "The ones on the left do anal, the ones on the right don't." Now for the delicate art of negotiation. She quoted a price in the local currency.

Sam quickly calculated in his head. He turned to his mate and said "It's $US5 each". Him and his mate proceede to leap in and pick half a dozen each.

But now for the twist. So afterwards Sam was in the bathroom. No running water, so there's a hole in the ground, and next to it a bath with water, to wash your arse.

But lined up on the floor next to the shit water, between him and the hole, were all the hookers toothbrushes. Bristle side up.

Sam to this day keeps a toothbrush on his toilet to remind him of that incident.
(Kaer, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 5:50, Reply)

I'm a girl, I don't
need to pay for sex. Although for my husbands stag night (batchelor party) I gave his best mate $50 to buy him lapdances.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 20 Jan 2006, 5:06, Reply)