I once went on tour with the Kaiser Chiefs
and stabbed each and every one of them in the temples with a blunt breadknife.

Oh no wait, that was just a dream.


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

/kaiser chiefs bridge
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 0:11, Reply)

Went drinking at Leicester Uni
with a questionable (?) band from Ireland. Two hours' sleep. Drove to work for 8, where I was nearly comatose from alcohol poisoning. Went to see them again in Wolverhampton the next night.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 0:02, Reply)

nightmare....erm re
ok spinal tap moments eh.


did a gig when i was a drummer, went to go punch the trash cymbal (as you do a noticable parts) an proceed to smash up the last 3 fingers on my right hand. fucksocks. cue me def leparding it for the last 4 songs.

recent ones, bottling a mates acoustic gig, i cant sing infront of friends, an also when i did a gig a few weeks ago while i was at uni, my mic diaphram broke (i dunno how) so it was mega distorted throughout the gig.

great.

oh i helped bottle off lost profhets at download festival a few years ago. an daphne an celeste.

great times.
penis jokes are big this summer.
(konigsred, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:58, Reply)

I stole a beautiful Canon Eos from a photojournalist...
full of photos of my band that were going in the next week's NME.

oof!
( Micro Prawnvica, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:49, Reply)

hmmmm
i met billy bragg in front of the pyramid stage at glastonbury festival in the 80's... he was wearing a cheap anorak and dancing in the mud while nik kershaw refused to leave his tour bus, while was stuck in the mud a few metres from the back stage area.

Billy gave me his autograph and was very cheerful and nice to talk to

on Monday the police tried to clear the site and we set fire to one of their vans
(globalloon, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:43, Reply)

My leg's on fire
Me and a friend decided to start up a band called The Mystery Toilet and made our first EP involving a song we made up on the spot about my leg being on fire. Our friends liked it so much they bought a huge tape player to college and played it full blast in the refectory at lunch time. There were some very confused people we assumed were fans.

Later on me and my friend renamed ourselves, bought a proper drumkit and spent 2 years writing songs about poo and bumming cows before going our seperate ways.
(chakaflange, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:35, Reply)

Watchin the Foos at Hyde Park 2 weeks ago
Spent all day in the sun drinking beer and jumping around like a 'tard; wasn't really in the right mindset to be thinking about dehydration and such.
Anyway to cut a long story short, the resulting lack of water and heatstoke created a mass ejection of vomit all over the back of Footballer's Wives 'Star' Gary Lucy whilst waiting for a tube at a tube station (the name of which escapes me due to the fact i was cunted at the time).

I thought it was a bloody good shot. He didn't.
(Colostomy Bag Explosion Lubing the gears of commercialism, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:23, Reply)

Rock and fucking Roll
I have many tales to tell, but I am only going to tell one this time.

I was working with Sting in a studio in London in the '90s. Also recording there was a well know lead singer of an Irish band and drunkeness fame. (also famous for lack of teeth - no names in case he can afford lawyers).

Well he didn't let us down. He got so blind drunk that the studio manager insisted he was removed for his own and the studios safety.

A taxi was called, and it took a bit longer than was expected to arrive.

Shane got pissed off waiting and started getting loud and beligerent. He decided in his drunken wisdom to go out to find the taxi by kicking open the side door which had steps leading down to the pavement.

He kicked the door open so hard he fell out and down the steps into the road - to be hit by the taxi that had come to pick him up.

Lucky man that the taxi was not going very fast. He picked himself up and started swearing - not about being hit, but because his bottle had been broken.

It's almost like 20,000 spoons at a wedding.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:17, Reply)

Dexter's Balls
Saw The offspring in Nottingham,way before the "Pretty fly","Lets release the fun/novelty songs as singles crap".Well, at said gig Dexter the lead singer decides to stage dive, he gonna land on me I thought, just as his crotch area lands an inch from my face.So there I was face to balls with a punk rock star!
( Mstandot I suppose I should post more often., Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:12, Reply)

...
9am on a friday morning

Glasgow airport smoking room

Suger babes puffing away like their lives depended on it

Classy girls each and every one of them...
( weekendsession, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:12, Reply)

A few years ago I used to work at a mixing desk manufacturer in Cornwall
Just as the 'Xone 6:2' range had come out. I was constructor and Tom was the tester, and then they went out the door.

Later on I saw Eminem on TV doing 'Lose Yourself' live / pre recorded and his mixman appeared to be using a good ol' Xone 6:2 and I thought- wow, my work is making Eminem sound good! (preens)

This is just as well, as previously I'd moved up to final testing GL4000s (48 channel monsters) and one comes back from the hire company in a rush- 'we must get it fixed immediately and back out to the tour or they'll have to cancel some dates'...diligently I got to work and got it fixed AS WELL as my daily quota of work. What a star, I thought to myself. Who's the desk for?

Daniel O'fucking Donnell.

I should have done the world a favour and blown it up instead. Grrrr.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 29 Jun 2006, 23:01, Reply)

hahaha
he kissed me in the forehead at v last year
(muggins im afraid dave.my mind is going, i can feel it, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 22:56, Reply)

Keith Flint
spat in my face.
( harpski, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 22:41, Reply)

I thumped Thom Yorke in the back with a football and got mobbed.
The end.
( coco, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 22:37, Reply)

When I was 16 (53 now)
I moved away from my home in London to join a rock band in Bristol. There are numerous funny storys but one that springs to mind was when we played at a big festival. The headline band was Genesis and I was normally found at such events, backstage drinking beer with the crew. Some of the trailers, now empty of their equipment made ideal temporary bedrooms where the crew used to shag fans under the false promise of them getting to meet their idols.

I was chatting to one of the Genesis crew, cracking jokes, drinking beer and so on, when we both noticed a strange noise coming from one of the trailers. It was a sort of thumping sound in a steady beat combined with a sort of hissing sound which intermittently accompanied the thump. After a dozen or so of these, we heard a grunt, followed by, "fuckin' bastard, you ffff.....", followed by more of the thumps which had now gained speed, then slowed down again. There was a small silent break before,
Thump Thump Fssss Thump "CUNT" Thump "Bastaaaard" Thump Thump Fsss Thump "FUCKING Bbbbb....." Thump Thump fsss "OH FOR FUCKSAKE" Thump Thump and so on.

It was at this point we had to take a look to see what the hell was going on. We both climbed up the steps on the back of the trailer, switched on the light to find one of the more 'chunky', bearded roadies with his trousers round his ankles avec full hard on like a car jack, attempting to pump up an air bed with the wrong pump. Standing next to him was a girl, completely naked with a vodka bottle in one hand and a spliff in the other who feinted when she saw us.
We both looked at each other in surprise for a second, then we both sort of shrugged our shoulders and did a sort of 'meh' and buggered off for more beer.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 29 Jun 2006, 22:30, Reply)

suprised it's not been done yet
So there, I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.

So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweet shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweet shop.

Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeeper and his son... that's a different story altogether.

I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really, but sure enough I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.
( Gerbilinafishtank Gerbil in a fish tank...TURTLE POWER!, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 22:30, Reply)

Not me, but concerns a really good friend, neighbour and fellow Freemason... and Pink Floyd
Derek - for that is his name - Used to be a personal 'runner' for Pink Floyd throughout the 70's. Regularly going with them when they were in the recording studios,
and keeping them in alcohol and whatever else they wanted. Over many bottles of wine, he's told me so much, and am bloody envious of him...

BEST part of all this is that he owns a few of their original gold discs etc, and (mercy of mercies) he was given a majority of the original film cells for the animated hammers in the 'brick in the wall' video... yup. The originals...

When in Spain on holiday a couple of years back, he met a fellow Pink Floyd fan at the resort they were staying in, and gave him the original film cells when he got back... Not sold, gave.... Monetary value meant nothing to him, despite the fact they could have fetched tens of thousands at auction... Now THATS a rock n roll lifestyle
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 22:15, Reply)

Not me but the other half
Once got a job as a roadie at a Metallica gig when they were playing in our neck of the woods. It was a shitty job for fuck all money, until him and a a couple of mates spied all the beer that was part of the rider...things looked up somewhat then and several cases were 'acquired' as compensation.
Before the gig started he was having a drink at the bar when he started getting a lot of female attention. At first he didn't think anything of it (cocky bastard) until one of them asked him for an autograph. Should explain at this point that he is a beardy, long haired biker.
Later on, backstage, he walked up to the band and said "Which one of you miserable bastards am I meant to look like then?"
Needless to say he hasn't been a roadie since.

Pop! Goes the cherry
( thunderthunderthunderthundercats wonders how much a Thundercat Ho charges?, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 21:59, Reply)

My Band
are kind of lazy crap, we had a gig on monday, for which we only practiced once, and the singer had to stop for one song cause ge didn't know the words, but we managed to get away with it and got a good applause. We now have a gig for a week on monday, for which our guitarist is refusing to play and our drummer dosn't even know about it. Plus we have a setlist of 2 songs. Yeah we're not very good.....
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 21:56, Reply)

Not really rock and roll...
.. but I'm trying to post something to every QOTW...

Saw Alanis Morissette in Manchester last year with a mate. We got in and found that it was full of mostly goth/hippy girls. Me and John (realmofconfusion on these boards), both strapping six footers , thought we'd get a good view over all the heads of said girlies. Until a 17 foot tall bloke wandered in and stood in front of us, thus blocking our view of her Alanisness.
I gave him the frowning of a lifetime I can tell you!
Rock and roll!
Apologies for shiteness...

And to the bloke who met Roger Waters? Git...
(Ghostlight, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 21:43, Reply)

how i nearly met steve vai
ive told this story so many times now on the interweb or to anyone that will listen.....

working a SHITE job at an airport late one night during off season (read boring as hell as no flights means no people) i spotted a gentleman who i thought was some aged old rocker trying to look like steve vai (ripped jeans...open poufy shirt....wild eyed look...etc etc)

so anyways i hold in the sniggers and work the till to cash his food....and his bill come to 6.66 (i kid you not...AND i undercharged so steve you owe me one!)

i again held back laughs.....

anyway workmate comes over later on and says "your into that metal shite....do you know a steve vai?" "yes" i says "there was some guy in before looks like him"

"it was him ~ he played here last night and was signing some stuff for those guys" points over yonder

"fucksocks"

IF ONLY ID GOTTEN HIM TO SIGN THAT DAMNED RECIEPT!!!!

id have made a fortune on the ebay

also i heard that just before he died phil lynott flew out from our airport....i still wonder if our food killed him

on edit ~ i forgot the obligatory length/girth comment and apologies for the crassness of my phil lynott comment ~ but its true none the less
(Paul1574 dont mind me im just lurking...., Thu 29 Jun 2006, 21:27, Reply)

String Breakage! ARGH!
I played at the last school summer gig, playing Satch Boogie (by Joe Satriani, amazing guitarist) with the rest of my band.

Anyways, my guitar is an Ibanez JEM with a double-locking trem bridge. Now, not sure how many guitarists are here on this board, but the long and short of it is that it takes AGES to change the strings on a double-locking bridge. It usually takes 10 mins if changing just one.

Anyway, the band just before us on the setlist were on. I was going through some warmups, and suddenly my high E string snaps.

Fucksocks.

I have five minutes to change it before I go out to batter the shit out of it, and it's a bloody double-locking trem. Fortunatly, the band before us accidentally repeated their chorus or something, and I was given 5 mins to change this string.

Nervous as fuck, I somehow managed it. It's the first time I've ever really got nervous before a gig. That's the closest I've ever been to a Spinal Tap moment :S
(The_Mop, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:59, Reply)

Ned's Atomic Dustbin
Went to see them years ago, and they refused to play "Kill Your Television". Cue well aimed full pint of Stella thrown by my 5ft nothing mate (she asked them for another pint later) which hit lead singer in the face. Luckily a plastic glass. They played the song. :)
(nert, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:47, Reply)

Once you read it you cant unread it!
Music fanatacism is something that seems to run in all males within our family. My uncle was a roadie for Deep Purple and the mighty Led Zeppelin. Anyway I went to LA to see The White Stripes play last summer(well I needed a holiday I thought I might as well go and do that) my uncle gave me the number of his friend from his roadie days who lives there. His name was Mad-dog. He picked me up from the cockroach infested hole I was staying at and I spent the afternoon hanging around his ridiculously nice penthouse apartment up in the Hollywood Hills drinking scotch. A few glasses in he lets slip that the bottle is 30 years old and was given to him by Rod Stewart as a thank you gift. I felt pretty classy that afternoon. Then he dropped me off at the Greek Theatre in his hideously expensive sports car. Then of course I got lost trying to walk back to Melrose Ave and ended up in quite a rough part of town.

A few years ago I used to live in Aberystwyth and used to follow a local band called The Hot Puppies quite closely. I hear they are all down London now. Anyway quite often ended up going for post-gig drinks with them. The most amusing of which was on my friends Ed's birthday. He got drunk and the lead singer was quite obviously trying to get him into bed, he was oblivious. He still hasnt lived that down. I ended up trying to chat her up, dropping my pint smashing the glass and kinda drooling on myself. I went home alone that night.

Probably my favourite rock n roll story however is not that interesting to anyone but me. Watching The Distillers play in 03 just before Coral Fang came out. Belly full of beer and chemicals, it was beautiful.

Ah well I guess those stories arent too funny. Nevermind. Ive got tickets to see My Ruin on Monday night so Ill try and come up with a better rock moment then :)
(reesy22, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:40, Reply)

also...
i once went to see andrew w. k .
at the end of the show he did an encore, during which he stage dived.
the mosh collapsed (it was only an ironic mosh pit anyway), and andrew w. k. was left lying ontop of a bunch of flattened people. good time (i thought) to try and steel his trainers!
i will defy anyone who says andrew w. k. cannot tie a knot.. his shoes were on, and were staying on.
once he realised what was going on, he kicked out, cutting my forehead (nike x-trainers are like razorblades), and leaving me with a scar to this very day.

also later (when i had gone home drunk) my freind helped him to play a fruit machine.
(snitchell, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:31, Reply)

Choirboys
Eleven years old, head choirboy, had to sing a solo of 'Once in Royal David's City'... Music came in...

I sang 'O' Little Town of Bethlehem'.

Then got into hard drugs.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:24, Reply)

not too long ago....
i was in a band in leicester.
we weren't great, but we were starting to get crouds at venues.. putting us in good stead with the owners and organisers of gigs.

this lead to us getting a main support slot for dogsdieinhotcars, who, by the time the gig came about, where joint-touring with the zutons. this would be THE gig that would make me beleive that i could acheive something in life though music.

however... in true rock and roll fashion!!! the bassist got a girlfriend, she was jelous of the time he spent with the band, he then missed practice, we stopped being well rehersed, and we had to pull out of the gig.

^this is the definition of rock
(snitchell, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:24, Reply)

I am not the slightest bit rock and roll
Though I did once flick the Vs at Michael Barrymore while he was recording some god-awful pensioners' giggle-fest abomination in a shopping centre in Hull. Sadly, I completely failed to even irritate the useless git.
( esganorp has no hummus, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:17, Reply)

Does Dance music count?
Most Rock 'n' Roll I had was a blow job in Carl Cox's shower in the backstage area ;)

Not from Carl, thankfully!!!
(foolish_child, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:03, Reply)