I'm a student nurse
and i do blocks of hospital placements throughout the year. Towards the end of a placement, it starts to get into my and i find myself dreaming about patietns and hospitals.

One night during the penultimate week of my last placement, i came home from working a late shift. I was so tired i decided to just wade through the muck constitutes my bedroom floor and went to bed.

During the night i dreamt that a patient of mine was coming to visit me in my house and needed to stay in my room. In the dream i looked around my room and saw how messy it was and began o get it ready for another person to stay in there. The patient was also wheelchair bound so i began moving furniture to make room for the wheelchair. The job finsihed with me surveying my work proudly and going to sleep. No more dreams for the rest of the night.
Woke up in the morning feeling incredibly disorientated as the room was spotless and all the furniture had moved.

first post, please be nice.
(minsh, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 18:03, Reply)

sleepy sleepy
I've only ever slept walk once, as i tend to be a heavy sleeper. This is the event as my mum reported it. i went to sleep fairly early, and had a rough time nodding off. hours later, my mother comes up the stairs and see's me facing the door to my bedroom, which had been closed, like the ending of the "blair witch project" . she crept up to me and asked " what are you doing?" to which i replied " i'm queueing". when asked what for, i had no reply. she then told me to get in fucking bed. so i went through the door and went to bed like nothing happened. dont remember a thing.

length? no ones complained to me yet...
(nickanytime, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 17:55, Reply)

Uncle Mo
my uncle Morris drank a bottle of whisky every day. After 14 stokes and his house burning down to the ground we kind of thought fuck it, he deserves to drink.

Anyway, the fact his liver and brain were both pickled, he regularly was found wondering around the garden/house/sports field at the back of the house at various times of day or night.

One of his best was taking a piss in my airing cupboard one night. by morning the smell was pretty bad, and my best white towels never went near my face again.

Another favourite was taking my doberman "for a walk" on saturday mornings, wearing dressing gown and slippers, to the sports field behind my house. My dog loved playing inter village football, but no-one else seemed to find it very funny.

Poor old uncle mo is now drinking whisky in heaven, so look out if it starts raining.
(jairzinhor, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 16:24, Reply)

More piss...
My dad's best mate usually comes to visit on a bank holiday. They usually get through quite few beers over the weekend.

I remember one occasion when I was a young 'un, he'd got up in the night and failed to find the toilet (next door to the spare room he was staying in). Instead, beered up as he was, he opened his (full) suitcase where it was on the floor, and pissed all over his clean clothes.
Cue him looking sheepish when he came down for breakfast and asking to use the washing machine. Actually, that's not true. He found it hilarious, as did we all.

Next time he came to visit, we put an old suitcase in his room, open, with a bucket in it.

First post. Yay!
(UXB you said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 15:39, Reply)

Was really drunk
After being at a party, walking around downing random people's pints and running off, I somehow managed to get back home, and fall asleep on the sofa.

A while later, a few mates ring up asking to come round and do some chemical substances. I must've agreed, as a few minutes later I get a knock on the door. I drag myself up, let them in and immediately fall asleep again on the sofa.

From here is only what I've been told, as I was completely asleep...

One of my mates comes and sits next to me on the sofa. I stood up, dropped my trousers and whipped my tackle out, turn round and aim at my mate. He's sitting there tripping out on K, and didn't have the wits to realise what I was gonna do. I piss over him. He jumps up and I spend the next minute taking a huge piss over my sofa.

After I've finished, I fall over trying to pull my trousers up. Apparently I was lying on the arm of my sofa like a see-saw, and my face was going in and out of the puddle of piss on my sofa.

Was completely asleep the whole time!

Length? You love it really.
( Risk It For A Biscuit has a helicopter and lives in space, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 15:28, Reply)

Sleep hallucinations
I don't sleepwalk as such, but I'm quite a light sleeper and sometimes get woken up whilst dreaming, but not actually enough to kick me into full consciousness, so I'll be technically awake, but still seeing bits of my dream playing out in front of me. I've had lots of brief conversations with imaginary people (including David Hasselhof once) and a few surreal experiences, such as spending several minutes searching my room for the 'dangerous rainbow coloured tarantulas' who I'd seen hiding behind my wardrobe, or trying to capture a large parrot that I could see flying around my lampshade.

Anyway, this happened most at uni when I was living in halls, probably because it was so noisy, so when I awoke to see the face of one of my fellow students peaking out at me from between my curtains I had a little chuckle to myself at my overactive imagination (I’d just read Wuthering Heights for an assignment) and went back to sleep. Then the tapping started, and became steadily more frantic, and as such I couldn't get back to sleep at all, so I decided to stare at the hallucination until it went away. The hallucination then started to get quite rude and call me a “bloody stupid cow” so I opened the window to prove to my brain that there was nothing there (I found that trying to touch the hallucinations usually made them go away). My friend, balancing precariously on a ledge four storeys up, was understandably angry at being poked, and bit my hand quite hard, at which point I finally realised I wasn’t dreaming (she later explained that she would’ve hit me but was worried about losing her balance). Turns out she pulled a guy at the dodgy student nightclub and went back to his room in the adjoining block, but got bored and, because she was both drunk and stupid, thought it would be quicker to climb out of the window to get back rather than walk along the corridor.
( hanabanana, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 15:16, Reply)

Wardrobe Bollocking
My Bro and I, when we were younger, were in an Air Cadet squadron. Was good fun, flying and shooting and running around in the woods at night. After he was too old to be a cadet, he went back as an adult instructor. On one camp, he was in the room next to the Wing Warrant Officer (someone you wouldn't want to upset in a hurry), I think he'd been out for a couple of jars.

The poor WWO was woken up by my brother storming into his room, dressed only in his boxers, thinking the worst (that he was going to get raped or pissed upon). Luckily for him, my brother had taken exception to something this guy's uniform had done, so he stormed to the wardrobe, flung the door open, and ranted at the guys clothes for a while. swung the door shut, did an about turn, and stormed off again.

Luckily WWO is a good cartoonist, so my mum now has a lovely caricature of my brother, in his kecks, shouting at a wardrobe, while the other bloke looks petrified. Not only is he not allowed to forget it, he gets a visual reminder every time he goes into the house*.

*Not that he does remember it, as he was asleep at the time.

Length? It satisfies me.....
(vinny, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 13:08, Reply)

It ain't just us
We castrated both our cats on the kitchen table. In our defence, there was a vet in attendance, a mate who'd brought the kit with him as a favour.
He shaved a bit of fur from their front legs, jacked them up with anaesthetic, and wallop down they went, in a couple of seconds. Furious tugging at their pubes, a quick slice, out popped a couple of chickpea-like pods, left over right and under, snap'em back, job and knock. Cats lying in a recumbent pose, on their sides at this point.
"Watch them carefully" he said, they 'paddle' as they wake up. Apparently certain bits of their brains switch on before others and their legs can move on their own.
"Hmm.. that doesn't to serious"...]
2 secs later, one cat shot round twice the living room, banging into all possible obstacles, the other scarpered up two flights of stairs and was found repeatedly banging its head against the furthest wall in the house like an angry wasp...
Oops. Sorry cats.
(Countryslicker, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 13:05, Reply)

Sorry Dave
Uni, years ago. Got very, very drunk and passed out at Dave's house. He wanted me to piss off home, all of two minutes away, and attempted to wake me. Drunk/Unconcious Falco was less than impressed and stood up, hit Dave once, knocking him out cold before immediately going back to sleep.

Next morning:

Falco: Christ Dave, who the hell did that to your face?
(Falco, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 12:54, Reply)

Sleep
I slept like a log last night.

I woke up with my head in the fire.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 11:52, Reply)

The ex-Mr Medi
Does lots of odd stuff in his sleep. He once got his rucksack on and went off to school at 5am wearing nothing but boxers.

He also used to talk a lot. There's was lots of nonsensical rhyming ("Muffins, buffins, muffins, buffins") and he used to think he was in work and used to ask me to grind aluminium and got really cross if I pointed out I couldn't do that.

It got worse as he used to work nights and I had to wake him up about 3pm. One afternoon, I was trying gently to wake him up while he was jabbering away and finishing with "I'd rather put a little bit of spunk on a man named Tony!"

I went downstairs and told all his friends. :D
(Medibot, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 11:41, Reply)

The Pen Pen have you.
When I was a little nipper, about 6 or 7, I had a dreamcast and the only game I played on it was Pen Pen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlSbUGZe42g&mode=related&search=). For some reason the limitation to only 4 courses and the insanely annoying announcer didnt deter me from taking repetition to the next level and playing the most annoying character exclusively. After one 4 hour stint my parents found me sitting bolt upright in bed staring blankly ahead, pointing intently and making a 'gaaaaaaa gaaaaaaaaaar' noise.

Not exactly sleep walking, more like sleep spacking out.
(Dirty Harry has a cordial relationship with the Pope., Tue 28 Aug 2007, 11:34, Reply)

Not me, but a friend...
...is a sleepwalker. He spent at least 3 hours of one night running back and forth on his landing, from the bathroom to the top of the stairs, shoveling imaginary items. when asked why, he proclaimed that he had to "pick up the snow." this was in june. my sister's teacher also spent about half an hour in her kitchen, looking through cupboards "to see where all the tennis players had gone."

length? long enough to pop a b3tan's cherry...
(DonMorte Cake is a made up drug, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 11:14, Reply)

First post: POP!
In the last decade of his life, my grandfather had a number of strokes. Many were minor, but a couple was fairly major and resulted in him being unable to walk without a frame. What actually killed him in the end, though, was the gradual shutdown of major internal organs, which meant that he was hospitalised for the last weeks of his life.

The important thing is that he was unable really to walk at the best of times, but was, at the time of the story, incapable of doing much at all, quite aside from his being attached to a number of machines anyway.

This did not stop him, one night, from getting up, dressing (I can only assume that this means “dressing gown” rather than the full shirt and tie gig – but you never know), and walking off the ward. It was only by chance that he was seen by the night staff waiting for the lift.

Not sure if being half in a coma counts as sleepwalking, but - dammit - it should.

Length? Half of ward 81, and would’ve been longer if the nurse hadn’t stopped him…
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 10:56, Reply)

Pants
My brother is a massive boozer. Once he stayed over at my flat and we had a heavy night on the lash.

At about 5 the next morning I get a buzz at my door and, to my horror, see via the video entry phone that it's the filth.

"Do you know an Alex "Boyce"? He says he knows you and we've found him wandering around in the middle of the street in just his underpants. He's in the back of our car - if you'll let him in we'll release him."

What a moron. It was January as well - he claims he 'took a wrong turning' on his way to the lavatory.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 10:48, Reply)

In Arabic?
A friend of mine at leeds fest did something quite strange. It's not pissing on something like most of these seem to be but oh well. He was sharing a tent with his sister and she woke up to him kicking her. She asked him what she was doing and he said he was looking for some instructions in Arabic. After that he just made his way back to sleep
(Mr. Noodlehead, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 10:41, Reply)

i am
2 years older than my brother, and when i went off to university, he and all his mates got used to my bedroom/bathroom being empty.

one night i had come home for the weekend. when i got home after going to the pub, my 16 year old brother and some of his mates were all absolutely annihilated, rolling around his bedroom floor. i mocked them like older sisters do and went to bed.

a few hours later, i was woken up by a very large man sitting on my face, smothering me. i flailed around for a bit, and eventually realised it was my brother's 6'5 mate, dave. obviously assuming the bed was empty as usual, he was trying to get in it, but was way too drunk to notice there was an obstruction.

when i shoved him off, he staggered over to the wardrobe and, like the total cliche it is, tried to whip out his todger. they are fitted wardrobes along one wall with a full length mirror on each. i had a horribly clear view. i yelled at him, and he reversed into the en-suite. where he pissed for about 3 minutes solidly. mostly over the carpet, as it turned out the next morning.

then he wandered back into my room. and sat on my head again, clearly perplexed again as to why he couldn't get under the covers...

thing is, now he's 27 and hot as fuck i'd be pretty damn pleased if he wandered into my room and ground his pelvis into my face, but the selfish bastard never did it again!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 10:15, Reply)

Super Light Party Time Yeah
Whilst in the middle of our teenage years, a friend of mine was prone to sleepwalking. He recounted to me his tale of going through his entire house turning on every light, which eventually caused his parents to wake up, only to find him sitting cross-legged in the middle of the street just near a stop sign.

And then he told me that you're not supposed to wake a sleepwalker because you'll give them a heart attack. Is this true? I don't think it is.
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 6:23, Reply)

couple of stories
A friend of mine walked into his living room and pissed all over the place, his brother was a violent one. If you ever had the mispleasure of bumping into him while sleep walking he wouldnt waist a second before doing his best bruce lee and kicking you in the face. their neighbor once walked across the street and knocked on their door at 5 in the morning while sleeping.

ive never done anything worth mentioning, just walking around saying things and the like.
(blue-turk be bi bicky bi bo bicky bi bo, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 3:30, Reply)

Camping with my Bro
I was in high school (about 15) and my Brother and his then wife decided to take me camping with them at this huge lake up in the mountains. It was ACES because my Brother is 6 years older than me, which means, he was legal drinking age and was always appreciative to have a drinking buddy...

So we are drinking. ALL day. Just beer (mostly) so it wasnt too insane, but we are drinking beer and sitting by the fire being pyros.

We decide to go to bed (I do not remember the actual debate, but am told it was mutually agreed upon, and that we decided to be very quiet as his wife was already in the tent and we didnt want to wake her).

I crawl into my sleeping bag (apparently) and after an hour or so, my Sister in Law wakes up to my trying to negotiate the zipper on the tent screen door. It is not going well. At all. And apparently, I REALLY had to pee.

So, I do what any half drunk/half asleep teenager would do: I remove tadger and let fly.

Sister in Law abandons tent (to spend the evening in the back seat of the car) and I go back to sleep.

I wake up the next morning uncomfortably close to my brother and as I slowly wake up, I realize my hand is resting in water. Only it wasnt water.

I spent the rest of the day apologizing to my Sister in Law and washing and drying sleeping bags.

My Brother eventually divorced her.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 3:20, Reply)

My brother sleep walking
My brother used to be a lot younger than he is now. At that point in his young life when he was about six or so, my parents would sometimes hear him come down the stairs after they had put him to bed. He'd open the door, and they'd say, "Martin?" [Martin was his name, you see. If they'd have said "Christopher?" it would have been strange], "Martin? What's wrong, love?"

You can tell that they're his real parents because they call him 'love'. Adoptive parents never do this, to their detrement.

Anyways, Martin (my brother, remember) would then pull down his pants and flop out his little dicky, at which point my parents would jump up and shout "No! Martin! Don't piss on the living room carpet!" and turn him around into the direction of the bathroom. They would then accompany the still-sleeping child up the stairs to the bathroom, point him at the toilet (a Shires model, I believe) and then wait for him to come out so that they could beat seven shades of shit out of him.

Sleep walking, sleep pissing, sleep FUN of all sorts!
(Fuiru Sting, where is thy death?, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 2:40, Reply)

Boarding school
When I was about 13 I went to a boarding school (which I was kicked out of but that's a different story).. there was a girl there called Grace that was a fairly chronic sleepwalker.. every morning we had to line up for breakfast.. apparently the kitchen staff would always find her standing outside the door first in line for breakfast 3 or 4 times a week at about 6:30 asleep in her nightie freezing cold.

Once she climbed into bed with me as well and freaked out because she thought I was in her bed and punched my head :/
(Sammyj, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 2:00, Reply)

Tips for bored insomniacs
An ex of mine surprised me one night by suddenly leaping out of bed then dragging me out too, while shouting that we had to get out of the way of the avalanche. Although I had a splinter in my arse (from being dragged naked onto my classy bare floorboards), I thought it was rather sweet that even while fast asleep, he'd gone back to save me from the avalanche. Being of a sweet disposition myself, I didn't complain, but thanked him for rescuing me.

Being of an insomniac disposition, I kept an eye and ear out for future sleep-walking and -talking, and engaged him in conversation when I could. It was fascinating. I found out that he would sometimes remember things I had said to him while asleep, but would think it was a character from the dream that had said them, rather than me.

Unfortunately, he turned out to be a complete twat. Between realising this and getting my act together to end it, I started experimenting with planting ideas in his head. Nothing too sinister... First maybe tickling him and whispering that there were aliens crawling over him (jumped in the air and screamed like a goddam girl). Then telling him there was a flood and we had to run and get on the 'boat' (his absent flatmate's desk - got a photo of him sitting on it, naked and clinging onto the anglepoise for dear life). I suppose the time he stuck his knob in my hand - while fast asleep after a blazing row, no less - and I made him think his stepdad was giving him hand relief was perhaps a bit mean. But believe me, he was a cheating twat, and the face he made when he woke up and remembered...
(Turangalila, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 0:54, Reply)

"Over there. By the dog."
When I was 11 or so, my class went to a camp for a three-day field trip of sorts. We were all insanely giddy, since we got to run around without our parents for three days, but they made us go to sleep at nine anyway.
At about 11:00, while all of us were still awake, a girl began to laugh. Loudly. Annoyingly. After a good half hour of this, someone yelled, "What's so funny?!" She calls back, "I don't have a stuffed animal!" Someone else offered to hand her a slipper to sleep with and, when this offer was declined, shoved it in the girl's mouth instead.
A couple hours later, another girl (who, sadly, was the one I liked at the time) started yelling in her sleep. The dream was one in which her father in the army had died, and so we were treated to shrieks of "Papa, don't go!" and lots of sobbing. Another girl came over to check on her and received an almighty kick to the face. This was followed by "Over there. By the dog.", and then she rolled over.
We were not very well-rested the next day.
(Fnooklemop, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 0:52, Reply)

When I was around 6-7 years old I suffered terribly from sleepwalking
and only found out about it a few years ago although I do remember the incidents, I thought they were dreams.

I threw myself down a steep flight of stairs. Luckily my dad, who kept an ear open downstairs for my sleepwalking, just got to the bottom of the stairs in time to catch me.

I often woke my sister by twisting strands of her hair and chanting. Various chants have included "chewing gum, chewing gum..." or "cardigans, cardigans...", "The wardrobe!..."

I used to get out of bed, lift the carpet and do tinkles underneath it.

I've run through the house screaming.

I've emptied the contents of my wardrobe onto the floor and tinkled on them.

I was convinced our house was haunted.

We moved when I was 7 years old and it all stopped.
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 0:39, Reply)

One that doen't involve pissing the bed ...
I know, I know .. all the other stories seem to involve pissing in the bed ... just to be different heres one that doesn't and it happened over ten years ago when I was a Bad Man (tm) .. I'm not so mean anymore, honest.


Whilst at uni, I had a fairly great time, getting through the usual number of steamy student relationships.

One girl was an absolute stunner, good in the sack too. Except for one thing. Her bloody cat. I swear she thought more for that thing than any living being. Its a little offputting when you are just getting onto the vinegar strokes and the cat arrives on the bed and walks across the pillow. Or when you are doing your best to please your lady friend and the thing begins making a fuss and she gets up to feed the dirtbag.

Anyway, one day after a particularly great meal with a little too much wine, we ended up shagging in the bath, and then going to sleep naked on the bed. The dirtball cat waited until I had dozed off and then leapt on, using my buttocks as a landing pad, digging its claws in.

Bastard cat. I got up, shoved the thing into the shower and turned it on cold. It was winter, so the water was a bit chilly. My plan was honestly to just teach the thing a lesson. I closed the bathroom door and went back to bed. It seems several hours of cold water was too much for it. It fell over and was in a bit of a state by the time she found it.

Next morning of course, she was horrified. This is where my survival plan kicked in .. to blame it on her sleep-walking. It came to me in an instant and was a sure-fire winner. "Oh my god! I do remember you getting up in the night and doing something with the cat." I lied .. "I sort of remember seeing you and you got up and went to the bathroom, then you came back to bed ... but I've seen you sleep walking before" I said.

Thus began a tedious day of drying the thing out, wrapping it up and taking it to the vet. It seems cats are quite resilient and it survived. Worse was to follow, she now spent even more attention on the fleabag, trying to make up for what she'd had done to it.

Oh dear, the plan has backfired.

Poor sod spent the next month trying to get over it ... in the end I had enough and dumped her, she didn;t seem that upset either. Bit of a kick in the nuts, but there you go. I did eventually confess to what I had done, about a year later and she went ape-shit. Understandable really.
(flipper is going to die in a bizarre gardenning accident, Tue 28 Aug 2007, 0:04, Reply)

Not exactly sleepwalking, more sleep laughing ...
Some years back, I was fast asleep and dreaming I was being told a joke by Lord Hailsham, and I laughed so much in my sleep that I woke my husband up. I think maybe I had too much cheese before bedtime. And I could never remember what the joke was that was so funny.

Another time I dreamed I was having a piss and was woken suddenly by a wet feeling, and yes I had. Luckily not too much this time.

And yet another time we were both fast asleep in a single bed due to having the inlaws come to stay and had given them our bed, and woke up to find we were enacting the Rites of Venus whilst still both fast asleep.
(grangeb77 bored of sigs. boom zig, Mon 27 Aug 2007, 23:59, Reply)

Hmmm
Am a bit of a disturbed sleeper. My (long-suffering) partner has had to frequently put up with me doing stuff while asleep. The two most serious happenings so far have been:

1) Running out of bed screaming towards a flight of stairs in the belief that I was going to die (which I might well have done had she not grabbed me and calmed me down before I reached said stairs).

2) Trying to strangle her a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately she managed to throw me off quite easily (I only got to the point of grabbing he throat before she reacted. I lay quite quietly for a good half an hour once she told me what I'd done).

It only really happens if I'm a bit stressed and we always see the funny side, but it's a concern nonetheless.
( milkybarnick is calming down Boris on, Mon 27 Aug 2007, 23:51, Reply)

Yet another pissing story
A long time ago when I was 14, I was on holiday at a pony trekking place and had been invited, along with another girl, to spend the night with one of the older boys. So after some messing about, we all go to sleep. In the middle of the night I suddenly wake up to find myself on the stairs down from his room, pissing all over the stairs, with my knickers still firmly in place. His clothes and suitcase were on the stairs. I went back to bed with my soaking undies still on ... he never said anything. There was fucking GALLONS though.
(grangeb77 bored of sigs. boom zig, Mon 27 Aug 2007, 23:48, Reply)

Not me but my daughter
On holiday, staying in a family room when she was about 2 or 3, we were all fast asleep in the middle of the night when a little voice shouts SWEETS and then she goes back to sleep, having woken us right up.
(grangeb77 bored of sigs. boom zig, Mon 27 Aug 2007, 23:45, Reply)