First time, brown wings and firearms
My old University mate Doug lost his cherry to a girl he had met in his local while his parents were on holiday.

They both were drunk and went back to his folks house where they made the beast with two backs on his parents brand new white leather sofa.

She had been around the block before and said that she liked it up the arse - what she hadn't told him was that she had also come on..

Anyway in the hungover aftermath of him losing his cherry, he found that the expensive soft leather sofa was splattered and stained in cum, shit and blood. He tried his best to clean it - but the damage was done.

When his parents came back from holiday the first thing they saw was the ruined furniture. Doug panicked not knowing how to tell them the truth - so he blamed the dog for shitting on the sofa.

His Father took the dog outside and offed it with his shotgun.
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Thu 3 Mar 2005, 16:29, Reply)

I was 37
when I lost mine..... you should have seen the look on my mums face..... SHE LOVED IT!
( busy phil is still bloody busy, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 9:20, Reply)

Jesus wept: I was in Fear.
It was without doubt one of the best, yet simultaniuosly worst time of my life.

The Scene: School. A picturesque lakeland town, where a few holiday houses were situated.
Spotted one day, sat on the wall was a lass who quite blatantly was not from the area.

I was 15, Bold, and had nothing to do all afternoon. Introductions went well, the afternoon went like a breeze; after agreeing to meet the next day we part with a kiss. Sorted.

Next evening we're sat on a hillsie looking out over the town, gently fiddlnig and cuddling, and the following conversation ensues.
"Penny for your thoughts" drops off my lips.
"sex" says she.
After mentally running a victory lap of the world, I delve deeper... "be more specific"
"I'm Wondeing what sex would be like with you"
*another victory lap.... this time with WOO and YAY on a banner*
"couldn't say", says I trying to be mature, never done it, so I have no idea if it's be good" *pats self on head for smoothness*
"well, I have no idea either... but we could find out....."
Smart-arse here has a rug, and rubber with him... so suggests we toddle off into the woods...
"no" says she... "I have to go talk to my mum first"
No probs.. she's obvously gonna say "Off for a walk with Humpty Mum.... back in a bit"
"sure" says I. "I'll meet you back here"
"no, You're coming with me"
*eeeep* We walk to the cottage, and she rings the doorbell.
Mum "Hello L, Where've you been"
L "hi mum, this is Humpty, we've been for a walk"
Mum "ahh. That's nice"
L "Mum?... We're going to go and have sex"
At this point, I nearly lost bowel control.

A minor grilling ensued, and I was asked things like "And what do you think of this Humpty?" (erm... it feels right to me) etc.

We eventually (bless her mum and her modern way of thinking) toddled off to a quiet bit of countryside (long grass, a field miles from anywhere, next to the River Rawthy), and lay down together...

Without going into too much detail....
1. She had the painters in.
2. Neither of us really knew what we were doing.
3. We went at it (litterally) for HOURS, and I NEVER came due to serious mum-with-hatchet paranoia.
4. We gave up when the rubber split, and I had to go fishing for it.
5. I have told this story as "my most embarrassing moment" for 13 years.
6. Having got in contact with Lyns recently, It appears that she tells everyone that I was a heroic stud who lasted for HOURS, and that she came countless times: I'm still not sure if she ever knew that I didn't come (I had no idea that she had..)

The words "Hi Mum, we're going to go and have sex" left me stood infront of her sizeable mother, feeling ver, VERY small... To this day I think the only reason I didn't run like the wind was because in light of this amazing statement, my brain was too busy melting to be able to galvanise my legs into action.

Even though I now know that they were the words that paved the way to one of my life's most heroicly told stories, It was still terrible.


Edit. I really am truly sorry about the length of my performance. I'm even MORE sorry that I turned her down 2 nights in a row afterwards. (I was too sore)*slams head aginst wall*
Edit 2: folowing the example below, We were BOTH 15.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 3 Mar 2005, 12:19, Reply)

Bye, bi
age: 18.
Wake up.
Sore arse.
Yukky tasting mouth.
Big fat hairy snoring male in my bed.
Decide I prefer girls.
(mudskipper, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 10:01, Reply)

not mine, done already
All right it's slightly off as it’s not me but my mate did it in style.

One horny male? Check
One horny female? Check
Enough vodka to anesthetize a Water Buffalo? Check
One bedroom? Check
Best friend asking for your ‘lucky condom’? Check
Wish him well and consider whether he knows that bird has a boyfriend who’s also at the party? Check

The full tale of woe was only fully revealed to the poor lad next morning though.
One best friend appears looking sheepish, bruised, confused and very worried holding a very blood filled condom. Cue much amusement from me in telling him that he obviously has testicular cancer…. The truth was probably going to be too much for him

Best friend’s sister then appears and recounts in decibels above Concorde at 1m on afterburner what actually happened to the one man in the entire building who is having difficulty remembering what happened the night before……

Friend and said girl disappear back to his bedroom with my ‘Geronimo’, both are blind drunk and promptly get down and dirty, pissed girl has very sharp finger nails with which she manages to rip large chunks out of his member and ball sack. Obviously copious lubrication results with my friend thinking, “wow I can get her that wet!”

Now for the best bit….. Girls screams of ecstasy attract attention of her boyfriend who is at the party, he storms in to find my friend on top of his bird who is screaming and covered in blood, unfairly assumes the worst and tries to batter my mate with a lampshade. Takes about 6 people to drag him off and hold him down.
Mate’s sister now appears to see her brother and random bird naked and covered in blood and semen and also assumes the worst… So she dresses her brothers shag, whilst apologizing and saying he’s a lovely guy really and wouldn’t hurt a fly and it’s all been a horrible mistake… she then basically throws both the boyfriend and random bird into the street and tells them both to fuck off home and not to implicate her brother in any dodgy rape allegation ‘cos she’s got ‘mates’! Did I mention she’s his younger sister and is 15 at the time…….

The final nail in his ego coffin is when Caz (a very strange female friend of ours) reveals she was in the bedroom the whole time watching, but had to stop masturbating herself half way through because she was laughing so much at his incompetence she couldn’t keep a good grip on her clit…..


He still has the scars to this day.

No apologies for length, girth or quantity of ‘nature’s lubricant’
(pitviper, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 4:54, Reply)

Not mine but hers...
Popped this bird's cherry when I was in the middle east, and got her up the spout. They're a bit conservative round there, so when she started to show, she kept claiming she was a virgin, despite the very obvious evidence to the contrary.

Next thing you know, her new kid's being hailed as some great superhero or something.

All ended a bit unpleasantly when he got nailed to a tree, though.
( String Theory sometimes feeds the sparrows too, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 18:03, Reply)

With my English teachers bra on...
At an after play party at my English teachers house. It was revealed that some of the male members of the cast had promised to turn up in drag.
Not wanting to be left out I swapped clothes with one of the girls in the play, she informed me that I was now wearing her mother's, my other English teacher's, bra.

As the night wore on some people headed for home, I found myself a place to sleep that seemed comfortable, a young lady joined me and after much snogging and some fumbling she knowing a lot better than me she basically jumped me.

I was trying to be quiet as two other friends of mine were in the room. One of them took it upone himself to time my performance.

In the morning myself and my now girlfriend discovered we'd been sleeping in the dog's bed.

Who else can claim to have lost their virginity wearing their English teacher's bra in another English teacher's dog basket while a "mate" timed you.
(nebbie, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 14:48, Reply)

Arr, One was enough fer me...
Let's see, 'twas on a ferry,
Holyhead to Dun Laoghaire,
And I was a mere 23.

She was fair and keen,
And still nineteen,
Though she'd done, and I hadn't, see?

I'd bought the supplies
But she wasn't wise
That I was still pure in them days

For though I'd tickled and spanked
and once had it yanked
It had only ever seen light of day.

She knew what to do,
I hadn't a clue,
I think I put it on inside out.

We bounced on the bunk,
I blew out my trunk,
But after I just let it slip out.

"Your first time!" she said,
As my face turned red
though she'd had no complaints now, alright?

"Should have told me before,
I'd have done something more"
And she sulked for the rest of the night.

Since then it's ten years
and a bit more my dears;
we've got a house, a daughter and son,

But every damn night
'fore i turns out the light
I tries to give her another one.

As goes length, don't be sorry, be right, I says.
( Argh-wrath ... is a very lame Glorantha joke, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 14:35, Reply)

Deutschland uber alles
Apologies in advance, it's going to be a long one, and probably only serves to reinforce some myths, but hey ho...

There I was, aged 16 on an exchange trip to a small town in Germany. I had made a conscious decision to put aside my prejudices regarding our teutonic friends and take everyone I met at face value. Apart from the odd stare here and there, all was good. Until, as horny teenagers are wont to do, groups would arrange to meet up at an understanding host family's house, or in a bar. This was when the questions started...

Do you live in a ghetto? Where do you keep your gun? Can you do a rap for us later on? It was one step away from "You people are almost normal!" Coming from a small english market town, I was used to some ignorance, but this was pushing it. It put me off all the girls that I had met until...

One of the german guy's sister turns up. Kristina. Nineteen, blonde, nigh-on six feet tall and to my eyes then (and with the benefit of hindsight)every sixteen year old boy's perfect wank fantasy. She strolled over to our table, did brief introductions, then for reason's that would soon become apparent took a very healthy interest in yours truly. I couldn't believe it, this vision wanted me, I was having difficulty holding it together. Then she started with the usual idiotic questions I had been asked all week.

I still haven't quite forgiven myself for what I did next, yes, I played along. As the lies spilled from my mouth, she was getting more and more turned on and touchy-feely. She suggested that she drive me back to her flat to continue the discussion...

It turned out that almost every bloke in the town had been after her for years, but she had never slept with any of them as she didn't want to be reminded of it everytime she saw them, or give bragging rights. She wanted something special, exotic and a little bit dangerous for her first time. ME!

What happened next still remains a bit of a blur and trust me, I have reminisced about it enough times that it should be crystal clear but isn't. It was like a page from a pornographer's handbook come to life. She lit candles, set the music low, then started undressing. She was stunning, I was stunned. She then did things to me I wasn't sure were legal for about half an hour, until we finally did the deed. Which understandbly didn't last long, but she didn't seem to care.

After a few molests and kisses, she dropped me back at the bar and drove off. I don't think anything has ever surpassed the feeling I had at that moment. Apart from the knowledge that most of the male population of that town would know very quickly that it was me that finally deflowered Kristina.
(Dr. Lucien Sanchez, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 13:44, Reply)

Picture the scene
We had been going out for about 4 months and it was going to be are first time with anyone, so like a gent i had paid for a hotel room for a night.

We spent the whole day as normal and then had a few beers to get more comfey, Flick on the TV for background music and just after i pop her cheery the news brings on a nice news flash that the queen mother is dead.

Yes.
( Gaz, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 20:08, Reply)

I was six
She was five and lived next door.

She'd come over to play on our trampoline in her bathers. I lured her into my cubby house and showed her the copy of "Where Do Babies Come From" that my parents had got me to explain the bulging stomach my mother was sporting. We decided to give it a go ourselves.

Can't say it was a rip-roaring success, but on the plus side I built up some sort of peadophillia immunity because I haven't had it off with any five year old girls since.

Embarrassing Postscript:
Around ten years later, living in a different city, down the shops with my Mum, who stops to chat with some lady and her daughter. "Oh you remember Wotshername don't you? They used to live next door to us back in OldTown, and Wotshername used to come over and play with you on the trampoline."
( Udderbelly A tale of four titties, Wed 9 Mar 2005, 7:51, Reply)

"its like dinny skipping in the widdle of minter".
I was 17, and he was 20, and I'd met him the week before at a mates house, where he'd told me he was madly in love with her ( my mate that is) and spent all night talking about her. The next day, totally out of the blue he text me when I was on my way to stay with my mom for the holidays,and tells me how much he liked me and how he wanted to see me again. The texts got dirtier and dirtier, then finally, the next week I went to stay with him and decided over dinner that I was going to bang his brains out *wry laugh* ahh,the best laid plans. hours and hours of foreplay and finally, the moment was upon us. (I had neglected to mention the sad fact of my virginity, turns out he didn't even notice) and he reaches for the box of flavoured condoms on what passes for his bedside table. He whips one out without looking at it,shoves it on and goes for it.Without any furthur ado he fumbles about,trying to stick it in me. He finally catches that really painful bit just below my hymen (girls, you know what I'm talking about) and I yell out "OW!What'd you do that for?" he looks a little startled and proceeds with a tad more finesse. It still hurt like bejesus though, but I gritted my teeth and held on. Just as I was getting into it, he got this suprised look on his face and pulled out. He grabbed the empty condom wrapper and squinted to see what flavour it was. "ow" he says "oh,jesus,ow." I sat up, trying to understand what the holy jimbob was going on, when he screamed like a girl and ran from the room. I heard sounds from the shower, and his pathetic whimpering noises "oh my cock,oh god it hurts,oh god owwwwwww!". I picked up the condom wrapper. "mint", it reads, then beneath "new improved flavour,extra strong,for her enjoyment" then it clicks.
Retard put the bastard thing on inside out.


Needless to say we didn't get much further that night,as a result I was petrified of sex and of hurting him without being aware of it. Again, it doesn't take a lot of imagination to figure out that everything went downhill from there and we would have done each other a favour if we'd never spoken again.
However,here I am, nearly a year on, and fully recovered I'm glad to say. However, I recently lost my brown wings, and I must say it hurt worse than anything I ever imagined and the guy i did it with was totally sly about it. We were doggying and he slipped out of me mid thrust, then slipped back in-but into the wrong hole- "totally by accident" he says "i didn't even realise I'd done it!" "i thought you were whimpering with pleasure!" Yeah, whatever bumgay, go tell it to the other rent boys.

Apologise for girth? Why? I didn't get a freaking apology!
(Skarlett_nailz, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 18:01, Reply)

I was in luuurve!
It was spring. The birds were singing. The sap was rising, as was my 16 year old libido. I smuggled him into my house under cover of darkness in a tumltuous mix of romance and lust.

It were crap.
( Miss Behave - Delicate little flower, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 16:14, Reply)

Summer Of 76`
Age 15.

The summer of '76 was the hottest on record. It was freaking scorching all summer. I spent most of it down by the river in a small town called Chester-Le_Street.

Anyway, met up with a couple of slappers from Durham and ended up in the woods near the river with them. The slapper I ended up with was a ginger lass (can't remember her name) who made it plain that she was up for it.

We split into two couples and disappeared into the bushes. Started off necking and within 5 minutes both of us were starkers and clawing at each others bodies. This was the first time I ever had a girls hands on my knackers. I was in hog heaven.

We didn't do the deed that day but met up the next evening for a walk along the river. We walked for a while then lust took over and we headed down to the river, through the woods. Found a nice shady dell with a bit of a view of the river and took up where we left off the first day. She gave me my first blow-job (ended up spunking all over her tits) and then down to the real nitty-gritty. It was fucking awesome! Considering we were both virgins we seemed to have no trouble pressing each others buttons.

I ended up with my knob covered in blood and my back clawed to ribbons. Happy days.

Next day I cut her dead. She burst into tears and fled crying her eyes out.

Next week, my best mate Tony, ended up having a massive row with his dad. Turns out some guy who worked with Tony's father had had a right go at him for letting his son shag his daughter and then dumping her. Tony denied vehemently that it was him - he didn't know her, hadn't touched her, and didn't have a clue what was going on. Father and son were at odds for months over this.

What had actually happened was that, on the advice of my older brother "Never give girl your real name", I had told her I was called Tony ****.

Sorry Tony.

Cheers

Legless
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 12:10, Reply)

I was crap
Took all day, trying over and ovewr to maintain a hard on and then ended up at 4 in the morning on Bideford quay.

Only good thing to come (sic) out of it was that we had to get the morning after pill from Barmstaple Health Centre the next day and I got to see the immortal sign:

"
Family Planning
Please use rear entrance
"

I'd apologise for length, but we've already made it clear that there wasn't any on that night.
( Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 9:01, Reply)

Not sure if this counts.... but(t)...
I’d forgotten I had a photo of this encounter until I read this Question…. So here’s My little story on the matter. (had to make ana account too!! :O)

First-time anal. Drunken-Ibiza-stylee.

A Few years ago (in 1998), I happened to be in the family resort of Ibiza sampling the local goodness, when my friend and I came across a bloke looking slightly lonely in a bar. We enquired of his nationality, and a rather slurred “English” came back. We though he might be drunk enough to be in the mood for buying a beer for us two lovely ladies, so we struck up a damned good conversation. (During which we earned much beer)

During our chat, It became apparent that he’d “accidentally” become separated from his friends, and he was trying to pluck up (Dutch) courage to allow him to embark on his secret mission: To loose his virginity to a man.
Too good to be true: so we egged him on.
To cut a long story short, we gave him tips on how to get a guy interested, and being no strangers to a wee bit of anal, my friend and I gave him tips on that too.
He ended was beginning to get exceedingly drunk when he suggested that we came back to his room: "he had somehing to show us"!!

The lad (who called himself “Waddy”) (strange because he didn’t seem loaded to us)(actually, rather NOT loaded in most ways) then let a rather large cat out of the bag. He said he’d climbed into another room via a balcony to nick some lingerie from a girl. Freak-boy!! (It’s for this reason that I don’t mind posting the pic of him)

I promised to cut it short, so here’s the result. He revealed that under his clothes he was dressed up in this girl’s underwear, and had been so since he swiped it. The photo was taken as he cavorted and pranced around in his very “relaxed” state of drunkenness, and “proving” (as requested) that he actually was wearing it.. and yes, i was nice enough to show him how to adjust it afterwards...



We then returned to the bar with him in tow, found a likely looking boy, and introduced them: totally breaking the ice for him!! We rule!! The rest is history, though he did look little nervous walking off hand in hand with the guy who we could only presume, would penetrate his arse for the first time.

The next day, we saw him and decided that from the way he was moving, he’d been totally successful, and his date had liked teh girly undies: the lad waddled, and looked like he’d had some serious meat “in the seat”. So: Here’s to a drunk and ginger mystery-boy, who lost his gay V-plates to a presumably well-hung guy.

It seems traditional to make a poor pun about length.. and as this is my first post, I’m truly sorry the thing is so long.

I still tell this story to all my friends in the pub: maybe one day it'll get back to him, and he'll remeber not to steal lady's underwear for his own kinky purposes.
(Chocolate and Wine misses her bed, Tue 8 Mar 2005, 10:23, Reply)

i got to lose it twice!!
it was many years ago, or at least more than i care to get specific about and the gentleman in question was...oh shall we say...tiny, at least he was where it counted.

now i realize there are different degrees of smallness, but at the time i had never seen a naked penis before so i had nothing to compare it to and could not appreciate the exceptional size of what was being presented before me. it was about 3 1/2 inches hard and about as thick as one of my petite super girly thumbs.

he was on top of me, flailing around and i couldnt feel a thing but was too polite to mention it. i had heard rumours that it was supposed to hurt and be bloody and all that and was left feeling a little dissapointed. i thought, "is that all there is?"

we broke up 3 months and 30 or so repeat sex acts later and it wasnt until i had gotten together with my second boyfriend that i was schooled. one afternoon, some squeaky whimpering and set of blood stained sheets later i had finally popped my cherry.

to this day i seldom think of that first experience, unless i happen to be served a cocktail weanie, in which case it all comes flooding back.
(killbunnie23, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 0:06, Reply)

Aged 19
to a girl I cared very much about, in my bed, completely sober. Well, sober very quickly when I realised I'd left the webcam to my great aunt on.
(The Secret 7000 ...join us. www.secret7000.co.uk, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 15:29, Reply)

gettin some pussy
19 years old, desperate, in the bedroom of the girl Id fancied since i was 6. So result in a way. Except she had taken to smoking 20 a day so her fannybatter tasted of marlboro. Still had enormous, stupendous tits, which I was very happy to see. Until she used the phrase "Christ, were you bottle fed?" which gave me the hint to move on.
No condoms so bareback and morning after pill....and clap as it turned out.
Oh and the title? because throughout the deed her semi feral cat was clinging to my thigh and biting my arse, and I didnt want to stop to remove it.
(littlebootshorse, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 17:11, Reply)

No great anecdote on the performance, however...
I remember a voice in my head continiously whispering: "Oh my fucking God...oh my fucking God...this is actually happening.. don't fuck it up..." While I remained as quiet as Anne Frank.

The only other real memory I have of the event was, and I don't wish to be graphic, but - it was the MOST I ever physically ejaculated.

You see, being a sensetive guy, I went for the spectacular porno money shot on her lovely young tits. However instead of the usual teaspoon or so of man love, I produced what appeared to be a full litre of 'baby gravy'.

Shocked by this loveless emission sullying her physical perfection and the shattered attempted tenderness of physical love, she was silenced with horror -as was I -in bemusement of how I produced so much sex liquid when at the time I was bashing the bishop at least three times a day.

So, yes, there she was covered from waist to face in sexual effluvient waiting for me to do something or say something. So, I carefully leant over to her bedroom radiator and selected a towel to wipe this runny sex debris away. I pawed at a dark red towel - she shook her head, then I reached for the white one - she nodded and I wiped her down.

We went to sleep and in the morning I was free. We never saw again, but I thank girls like that for us turning boys into the supercharged sex professors we are today.

All hail lovely girls with sweet smelling wipe-clean skin.
( Your Mum, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 22:28, Reply)

Durham prison, 1991.
It's nice - we still stay in touch.
...Well, they all sign a card once a year.
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 15:48, Reply)

Decided to do it in the local park after lock-up
In the early stages of friskiness and moderate state of undress I looked over her shoulder to find a dog sniffing her arse.
(Papagato RackSpanner, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 9:00, Reply)

Pathetic (pea-roast)
...I was about 15 and had just been approached by a girl at the Youth Club who said she fancied me and that she was also "on the pill."
It took me about 5 minutes to realize she wasn't referring to a cold and flu tablet and we proceeded to the local park (always deserted at night except for teenagers doing unspeakables).
So we disrobed a little and with me on top I proceeded to lose my virginity. Problem was that I thought you just inserted and waited...so I laid there *totally* motionless and after a couple of minutes she gave some encouraging movements which quite startled me as I feared she must be an epileptic or something.
It was very disappointing, but she was very nice about it and didn't dob me in to my mates.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 15:09, Reply)

I think it has to be done with class!
I was wearing a hat at the time. yes - a hat! Not a baseball cap or somesuch, but a proper hat. And socks. And nothing else.

And she was a posh girl to boot.
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 10:27, Reply)

I was fantastic.
She was beautiful.



Ingrid, a horny au pair from the wonderful land of Sweden.
( wangmaster2000, Fri 4 Mar 2005, 18:21, Reply)

Does it count if I lost my anal virginity to the talk board?

( ArthurTheRat, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 17:23, Reply)

The Mother
This happened to an old friend of mine from Cheshire.

She decided that she wanted to have sex for the first time with her current boyfriend (also a virgin), so she arranged for him to come around to her house and met her Mother who was leaving for work.

After the Mother had gone and an apparently good time foreplaying they switched gears, she got on top and near fucked herself silly to be suddenly met with him screaming his head off underneath her and far too much blood than may be expected to be going all over the bed.

His foreskin had split right down to the shaft having got caught inside her during the exuberant bouncing.

They both went to hospital by Ambulance - him bleeding non-stop, and her to be checked out internally.

The chief registrar who saw both of them in A&E was her Mother!
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Thu 3 Mar 2005, 12:50, Reply)

Breaking a 2 year silence
Finally after 2 years lurking without signing up I am breaking my silence!

Picture the scene - freshers week at uni, pull quite a fit girl, back to mine etc etc. Now I know what a sensitive new age guy is supposed to do, so I head south. I also know that its not supposed to be particularly pleasant, so don't complain. Things progress, we shag, nothing spectacular, but nothign disastrous either judging by what else is on here!

So anyway, we wake up at about 6.30, she decides to head home, so being the gentleman I am I walk her back to the porters' lodge, waving merrily at the rowing crews and my friends as they head off to training. Feeling pretty pleased with myself I get back to my room and look in the mirror. Only to find I have a ginger goatee. Yes, I now looked like a bearded Rob Manuel. She had indeed had the "painters in" but hadn't bothered to mention it. Obviously I knew no better at the time and thought it was normal. Took me ages to live it down at college...

And that's my excuse for never doing it since... (just kidding girls...)

Anyway, back to lurking!
(Longtime, Wed 9 Mar 2005, 23:43, Reply)

Golf Course
My friend lost hers on a golf course.

I now call her Dave Lister :D
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 3:13, Reply)

'ere, put this on.
I was almost 16, sat bored and alone on some cheap plastic lawn furniture at a friend's 15th Birthday party, getting mildly drunk and wishing I hadn't bothered coming. I'd already decided to quit drinking almost a year prior, but they had Caffreys and I was bored. I think this was actually the last time alcohol ever passed my lips in any tangible quantity, but anyway...

Also sat on her own was some weird girl who was new at school and hadn't really established any friends yet. She was an odd one anyway. The previous week I'd let her borrow my Windows 95 CD, and I'd spoken to her in English lessons a couple of times. Aside from that she was pretty much a stranger. Eventually she approached me, asking "You're look as bored as I am, wanna walk me home? I'm done with your Windows 95 so you can have it back." I accepted, and we walked the short distance up the street to her house making fun of the lousy music that was playing at the party. Aqua I believe.

When we got to her house, it was empty, 'cept for a very untidy living room. She motioned me to sit on the couch while she went upstairs to find my CD. After listening to a few minutes of rustling and rumbling upstairs, she came back downstairs holding a CD and something else. She threw the mystery object into my lap and said "Put that on." I looked down, it was a condom. I looked back up at her, and my naivity got the better of me. I responded "What for?"

She started laughing at me and responded with "Why do you think?" I just kept my trap shut. She reached up under her skirt and started pulling down her underwear, almost falling as she did 'cause she was pretty drunk too. I unzipped and pulled my jeans down just far enough to allow me to pull the condom onto my half-erect cock. I'm fairly sure I put it on inside out. She knelt with her legs either side of me and we gyrated and bustled as I tried to fumble myself into her. After much grunting, pushing, mis-aims and looking at eachother like you'd look at a mongoloid who was trying to shine your shoes with a brick, I popped inside and away she went. Being a coward, I kept my hands down by my side and didn't dare even touch her as she bounced away. A whole 10 seconds later, her overenthusiastic bouncing resulted in something rather tragic. I slipped out, and she descended upon my now fully erect cock with a force similar to a Japanese bullet train... or so it felt. I shrieked in agony and threw her off me and snapped off the rubber to nurse my annihilated willy. She said something, but I wasn't paying attention.

I pulled up my jeans and hobbled out of the door, managing to groan "seeya," just as I left. The 5 minute walk home seemed to take forever... some of the worst pain I'd ever experienced. And worst of all... I FORGOT MY WINDOWS 95 CD!

Since it was such a short, unsatisfying encounter... I'm only counting that as 10% of my virginity lost.

After that I didn't have sex until I was 22 years old (just last year, almost exactly a year ago) with a woman who is now my wife as of February 13th! I'd known her online for years and years, and we talked almost every day. Things started getting flirtier and flirtier, until one day I decided "fuck it" and flew thousands of miles to the US to see her. After travelling for almost 26 hours without more than an hour's sleep I arrived in Minneapolis airport where she was waiting for me, looking absolutely fantastic. By the time we'd got to her car we'd already pretty much groped every single part of eachother. However, for obvious reasons we were eager to get home so we hit the road. We didn't make it past the first rest area before we were fucking in the car, which is extremely illegal in Minnesota apparently. Despite Red Bull being the only thing keeping me alive, I somehow managed to stay awake so we could fuck a bunch more times that day.
( MarkyH feels like the H in Bob Hoskins' name, Sat 5 Mar 2005, 17:57, Reply)