MadAdamUK
Would that be the Aaron Wood who is more than a touch overweight, with an alarming propensity to hug everyone in the room, and dodgy facial hair? Cause if it is, I wholeheartedly agree, he is odd.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 17:48, Reply)

"heres a pic of me...."
A few months ago,some girl contacted me because she knew i was a Placebo fan. Fuck knows where she found my MSN address,but she was annoying. She kept saying things like "OMG,Brian Molko is propa fit,int he?!" and stuff. Just being an annoying,semi-chavvy kid really.

One day,my slightly sadistic boyfriend was round,and,as we were surfing the web together,she came online.

She kept asking me to send her my favorite picture of Brian Molko,so my boyfriend typed "Do you wanna see a pic of me?"
Being a sad freak,she said yes,cos obviously,im "her propa bezzie mate" cos we are both "propa outcast" Placebo fans....

We sent her a link to tubgirl.com....
(Miharu, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 17:29, Reply)

Mad and creepy men on t'internet - thousands!
Good Lord, the 'net is full of mentalists, I should know I think I've met them all. I nearly married one for fooks sake. I met my ex online, lived with him for ages then he went mental and got weird about me having friends and going out and hit me. So I got rid!!!!
One bloke I got chatting to seemed quite nice, we talked for ages then exchanged mobile numbers. He then thought it would be a good idea to send me a video of himself wanking! Ewwww!
Then there was the mad stalker from Newark. Seemed OK just a bit lonely as his marriage had broken down, wouldn't leave me alone for weeks kept ringing me at least 15 times a night plus non-stop texting. And my best mate lives in Newark, so I had to walk round there in disguise for fear of bumping into stalkerman...
However, I have met a very nice sane man (so far!) on dating website and all is going well. Just goes to show that the old adage about frogs and princes is true...
(SpongyMonkey is an honorary East Anglian on, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 17:17, Reply)

Cross dresser anyone?
I met a guy, got chatting to him, then i get the "do you want to accept webcam connection".
sure why not thinks i.
There sat in front of me is a bloke in a skirt, tights, pink pants (his legs werent crossed) and a small girly top!
He put his webcam on to ask me if i'd have a look at his cock for him as he thought it looked bent!
Last time i chat to a stranger on teh interweb!!
( Lilith, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 16:57, Reply)

Live and Learn
It all started 2 years ago with the rather nasty and drawn out break up with my mental ex.
I was heartbroken and lonely (due to the fact that none of my old mates liked the ex and I stupidly stuck with her rather than them)
Anyway I ended up talking to this chap who lived in the same area as me first via private messages on a forum, then email, msn and finally meeting up for a pint in his local.
Things went brilliantly we got on like a house on fire and his missus was a laugh and easy on the eye ifyouknowwhatImean.
Come chucking out time at the pub, matey had the idea of going for a take away and eating back at their place.
This is where it all went wrong, very wrong scarily wrong.
As soon as their front door, in a very decent quiet cul-de-sac, closed they were all over each other.
They were Swingers, he was Bi she had a fucking huge strap on, I am straight and was slighlty scared. all I could think was fred and Rose, Fred And Rose.
I said I was going to the toilet, I opened the front door and ran for it.
I changed Isps, got a new Msn account and never even visited the forum again let alone post on there.
Everytime I drive past their part of town I get scared incase they see me. fucking freaks.
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 16:24, Reply)

MattWPBS
You as well, eh? :-(
( shadyron, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 16:04, Reply)

i met royalty!
i met a nigerian bloke online who deposited a bunch of cash into my bank account!

apparently he was royalty or something and they needed my bank details so they could put some excess cash off shore, i don't remember the details too well, but the weird part was that instead of PUTTING money in, they TOOK all of mine out!

i still chortle about it to this day, that silly nigerian monarchy must have filled out the wrong form at the bank!

hehehe, scamps.
(octoriot, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 15:42, Reply)

Met B3ta People

I was bored and decided to go to a b3ta meet around the corner from my work. I didn't know anyone, so I drank. Lots. So much that all a can remember is a Claire getting her lovely boobies out. I'm the dude with long hair & hat, I like scaring people. Obviously.

flickr.com/photos/globalhumbug/sets/1469500/
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 15:42, Reply)

Desperation Woman
Well, about two years ago, out of the blue I received an email from a woman in England - near Portsmouth, if you are interested in knowing. She had read an erotic story I had posted on line.

To cut to the chase, she was very much into "desperation", pants wetting and peeing in general. Cue to us having a rather torrid (and wet) internet relationship until she realised that with me being in the US, and her in the UK, it wasn't going to work.

Sad. I still have lots of VERY explicit photos she sent me. And I assume she still has similarly explicit ones I sent her.

I still think fondly of her whenever my bladder gets rather full.
(Maclir, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 15:36, Reply)

Pants Girl
I used to run a blog/forum site for people to vent spleen about music & suchlike on a while back & consequently had quite a lot of online friends, a lot of whom were top & a few were...special. Pants girl is/was a merkin who found me site & I started chatting to her on msn & the like & before to long we had graduated to skype based talking filth a few times a week. Which was all good & well as it seemed that she was supremely dirty & I get some (probably fictional) tales of what she got up to. It was fairly fine other than her being a bit needy & wanting to be my boyfriend, until i get back from work one to to find a package waiting for me. a box. from the US of A. In it are several pairs of worn lady pants, & a few polaroids of pants girl pleasuring herself with a variety of items that would get her arrested in certain deep south states. and a note. saying she'd booked a flight to come & see me & how she was going to..well, you can guess what she had intended.

thing is, i hadn't told her my address or 'owt like that & i'm entirely ex-directory etc etc. i politely asked her not to come. she hates me now. i still get abusive emails about how i broke her heart (????) and ruined our years of happiness together
(Lord of the Pies, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 15:27, Reply)

I'll not go on too long on this one, as I'm too easily identifiable..
I've met huge numbers of 'weird' and alternative people that are very lovely indeed. It's the more 'normal' ones I've had problems with.

By adopting a few simple strategies of *always* get a picture, always talk on the phone first, see if you can get the total deal killers out of the way before you meat and have something else to do in the locality if the date fails things are much better these days.

Of course, I had to learn this The Hard Way. My first Internet Date was with a non smoking, non drinking Indian lady. I turned up on the bus, and it went downhill from there ('you didn't come in a taxi or a car?' 'well, no, this is quick, cheap and enables me to have a drink').

Said lady totters her way to a cafe on 2" heels, sits down, gets me to order a G&T and lights up(!). She then tells me it would never work out, and goes on for 3/4 hour about her exes and her job. aaarrghh. She was right, it would never work out..

Then there was the lovely-but-screwed-up date and the date that wanted a relationship but believed that being around one week in three was acceptable. Plus the near misses - the scary stalker woman from Nottingham (aka 'you cant be friends with other women'), the 45 year old masquerading as 23 year old, the bloke who slept with men but who was 'completely straight', the woman who cared waay too much about what job I did and kept asking, the one who suddenly developed psoriasis and more.
(EssY, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 15:26, Reply)

Captain Haddock
You think getting broken up with by text after 1 date is bad?

Try getting broken up with by email after 18months, and spending god knows how much on a holiday together the week before.

No phone call or anything, no contact since. Nice one eh?

And yeah, we met on the internet
(Nyphur, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 15:23, Reply)

Irish themed chatroom...
Met some lovely people..Met a stone cold nutter and her Nymphoid flatmate.

Nutter: Rang all the time, wanted to seduce my brother, taught people how to be horses.May have also been a man ('she' had a stubbly lip and hairy ass....and "was on her period" when we boffed)

Nymphoid - Lovely girl, tall blonde...loved the cock...snogged and groped me the first time I met the above lady...drove me back to mates house and wanted to fook in the car...shortly after that she had threesome with two guys from chatroom...and caught Herpes...YIKES!

Kingston upon thames will never be the same...

Also met someone from H*TorN*T once....the camera does lie...
(Rockster77, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 15:07, Reply)

Avoiding weirdos on Match.com
I was on Match off and on a couple years ago - I actually met Setimrette there! So it does work.

Anyway, after looking at 100s of profiles, you get pretty good at spotting which one are real and which ones will get you on spam or Russian bride lists. To Match's credit, if you report them they are good about taking them off.

Beware of ones with usernames like 'crayzee funee grrrl' and 'lonelee 4 luv.'

If you click the photo, sometimes you can see more of the pic - like the one where her boyfriend was sticking his tongue in her ear (why would you post that?).

Also look out for the ones that fill their profiles with song lyrics - such as the one with all the words to "I'm a bitch".

One woman started off by saying "I'm really 37, but I said I was 32 so I would come up on your "25 - 35" search." Next.

From women I've talked to, there are a lot more weirdo men on-line than weirdo women. I think there are armies of creepy guys out there who respond to EVERY profile. I think our best answers to this QOTW will come from women, cuz us men are losers.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:56, Reply)

i met my ex on the net
after going out with her for 2 and a half years seeing each other a few days a month, i found out she was an e-prostitute.

she signed up to adultfriendfinder advertising herself to any weirdo thick enough to contact her.

so i txt-dumped her.
( Snorty McBumhole YouTube.com/MinistryOfGeeks, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:53, Reply)

Never I tell thee!
I will never meet up with any weirdos on the Internet! It's wrong! You never know what kind of freaks will turn up.

By the way: b3ta bash on 22nd April organised by Woodside59? Hope to see you there!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:36, Reply)

Go-------mec----------he
Just get rid of the hyphens and Google it.
(MattWPBS, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:31, Reply)

Every time I go to a B3ta bash.
3 times so far, going to another tonight.

They are fucking ace.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:28, Reply)

ah young love
i was about 13 at the time, so surely this should all be forgiveable by now, right?

i live near-ish london, and was introduced to a girl on a chat site by my mate who was a more frequent user who happened to live down in bournemouth. we got on well..and she ended up "asking me out" "what? oh ok" says i, as you do. according to afformentioned mate she is properly head over heels for me, and during a visit to see him, we decided to go for a day trip to brighton, and this was all okayed by the rents s of course it had to be.now trouble is, brighton is half an hour away, and we werent going there, we were going to see her, alone,unnanounced, in bournemouth which is nearer and hour and a half away. sensible. so anyway we met up with the girl, who was quite possible the ugliest thing i have ever seen, laughed at her and left (harsh i know).

it got worse when back safe in my house, i was back on t' interweb and announced to the entire chatroom i was going to dump her for another(internet..sigh) girlfriend. turns out she was in the room..and never spoke to me again!

apologies for length/humour
(lithium, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:17, Reply)

ALMOST as bad as the bed sh1tting boss...
when i went to uni, the internet was a brand new shiny toy. i found a chat room, and started chatting to this guy called "P". he happened to live in didsbury, near my parents. we arranged to meet up when i was home for christmas.

i was working in a pub every night that holiday, so we said he would stand at the bar and we'd chat between customers. i did not realise this meant he would be drinking for about 5 hours. what a naive tw*t.

i got to the pub (the "elizabethan" in heaton moor for any northern b3tans) and there was a blond guy at the end of the bar. not bad looking in any way, but i knew i didn't fancy him. so i hoped it wasn't him (very mean and shallow but i was 18). only it was him. he stood there drinking and mumbling the odd shy comment. at midnight, pub all cleaned up, i said i'd drive him home instead of going on to a bar. i couldn't face it.

well. we got halfway to didsbury when he threw the car door open at 40mph, nearly wrecking it. then he threw up all over the car, the door, the window, himself, and me. then he rolled out of the car and carried on puking up 12 pints of greenoughs finest for about half an hour whilst i shivered in the cold.

when we got to didsbury, he couldn't remember the name of his road. eventually he broke down in tears and started sobbing. he said he didn't really live in didsbury, he lived in wythenshawe, but hadn't told me because i lived in [name of footballers wives cheshire town] and was therefore very rich.

THEN he said he couldn't believe he had ruined it as i was lovely and he was a virgin and now i'd never sleep with him and he would never lose his cherry etc etc.

the only thing worse than listening to that all the way to wythenshawe was peeling the cold semi-digested cornflakes and other puked up bits of sh1t from the inside of my brand new car upholstery before my dad saw it.....
he apologised the next day and actually turned out to be a very sweet guy, just never going to be the one after that performance! we kept in touch for a while, if he happens to be reading this i guess i'll never hear from him again!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:04, Reply)

I met
your Mrs.
(nappy rash, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 14:02, Reply)

flipper
i met a girl on the interweb once. we got chatting, nice girl... she gives me a number, and it doesnt take long for filth to ensue.

anyway we chat away for a couple of weeks, and i'm contemplating going to nail it (lived a few hours away), but first insist that she send me a letter, and enclose a few photographs.

letter arrives, i grab the pics before reading.

the first one, absolutely stunning, tanned, slim girl sunbathing in a bikini. *ping* There was a comment scrawled on the back, "Me on holiday couple of years ago"

the second one was a passport picture. It looked like somewhere between the two, she'd been paled in the face with a fucking shovel. Her kisser was a mess. The comment on the back? "Most recent pic"

I decided it would be best to let things fizzle out gently, rather than all-out insult the girl. I adopted this strategy, things were going well.

I then went for a camping weekend with some friends. She was texting me as usual, when i began boozing. I consumed copius amounts of Stella, vodka and weed, and go to sleep.

So I thought.

The next morning, I phone her up. She says, holding back the tears:
"You dont remember what you said to me last night, do you?"
"errr, no, why?"
"flipper with the fat fanny flaps, ring any bells?"
"lol, no..."
"you told me i had the ugliest face youve ever seen, and you'd never want to meet up with me at all"
"oh... i... erm"

At this point, hungover to fuck, not remembering any of this phone call, I'm trying to think if there's anyway possible I could still let her down gently. She interrupts my train of thought.

"so... did you mean it?"

*pause*

"yes"
(Carling, pint of, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:58, Reply)

She wasnt that weird.
But odd enough to dump me by text message after only one date. I mean that's a pretty crap way of doing, dont you think?
Still cant work out what I'd done..... maybe the constant phone calls and standing outside her house for 12 hours a day were making her feel trapped.
(LunarJim, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:56, Reply)

b3ta valentines bash 2004
i met many b3tans, and went home with a tweenies rubbish bin, which may possibly have been worn on my head a-la traffic cone.

so, hands up if you've met me ;)
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:53, Reply)

Turned out alright
Was at a friend's house listening to music whilst he was on MSN at the time talking to this girl he met on some chatroom. This girl also had a friend with her.

So my mate tells them about me and where I go drinking... ok strange turns out the girl's friend is goes to same pub on same night as me.

Fair enough, it's a popular bar and full of students.

He tells them more about me and by strange coincidence she's from same village.

Then, god knows why, he says what number house of street i live on.

Turns out girls friend lives on the street next to m 20 fuckin seconds walk from my front door.

I'm thinking they're taking the piss saying how she lives practically next door to me and the photo of her they show me she is HOT in. So I come online ad tell them to stop taking the piss.

Following day this girl turns up at my house, I open door and she says "still think im taking the piss?"

I end up going back to her house, slept with her and dated her for 3 months til she moved house with parents.

I think I got quite lucky considering one mate of mine tried to meet someone off the web and turned out to be a 40 omething year old woman instead of the buxom 17yr old she claimed she was... still, my mate slept with her!
(One_Winged_Angel Ich Dien, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:53, Reply)

The missus and I met on a messageboard......
..she is great and normal though and we've been together for 3 years on wednesday. So that's ok. We tell people we go together due to liking the same band though to save the embarassing 'met on the internet' conversations.

We had a mate on the same boards who we decided to take a trip down to London to meet up with.
I'm 6 years younger than the missus and she was always a bit funny about my age before we met (me being 23 at the time) but she realised I was a mature enough young man and things were fine after meeting in person. The mate from the boards was 21 so we didn't think it'd be to bad. With me only being two years older than him and him coming across as a well grounded and sound fella on the boards.

We knew nothing about London, having only been there on piss ups of the rugby variety before so we let him choose the location since he was London born and bred. We met at Liverpool street station and had a drink in the bar there. Everything seemed ok and we were chatting about mutual interests, until we decided to move on to another pub. And it became shockingly aparent that he had never been into London town centre in his life. We spent ages wondering around loads of dodgy backstreets trying to find a pub. We ended up in a bit of a dodgy pub that was full of massive, non to racially intergrated, blokes, and they were obviously non to happy about a couple of white lads and a girl being in their bar. But by that point I didn't care. It was then that we realised that this lad also had the personality of a 13 year old. Which made conversation very, very difficult.
After leaving this pub we got talking to a couple of blokes from outside london that didn't have a clue where they were going either so we hooked up with them and found a decent enough late bar and had a right laugh with them.

To top it all off. It was the hottest day on record for years aswell. And we were stopping in a god awful hotel with a load of Germans around us. I was not best pleased with the wasted time, money and sweat the day after.

Have met a couple of people from the same boards since though and they've turned into good friends. So not everyone out there is wierd. Atleast I like to think I'm not...... :)
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:48, Reply)

freaks
ok one guy i met tracked down my address from town i said i lived in... he turned up on my door step at 11.30 at night in pouring rain on a motorbike, he live a good 2 hours away. So being my usual charitable self i ofered the use of my spare room for the night. i woke up at 6 in the morning to find him crawled inot be with me.... some months later at a mad internet meet up party i bumped into him again. i got off with another guy and he tryed to hit me... never spoke again.

another goes by the name Ox was a bad one. not only did he try it on but when knocked back, hacked into my personal emails and posted it for the rest of my buddies to see. then proceeded to repeatedly tell me to go kill myself cos everyone hated me and all that shit. he even sent death threats to my friends 5 week old baby girl saying he'd kill her. he know has a few injunctions against him.... if he's reading this hey Ox you moronic wanker... hows you kids? hahahaha
no appolgies for my language.
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:47, Reply)

absolutely NOT
Don't do what I did:

* Reply to a 2 sentence advertisement in 'Times Encounters' that had been e-mailed to me with an 'I'm interested! Let's mail!' thingy attached

* Meet up after a week of very, very talkative e-mails and find a fantastically bright woman with a great body etc. etc. etc.

* Fall in love impossibly rapidly after SHE jumps on you, having invited herself round - the first date went well, after all

* Start pratting on about 'you're the One' and bollocks like that

* Let HER suggest marriage after going out with her for, oooh, four months, WITHOUT bearing in mind the fact that she's got THE MOST EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE MOTHER IN THE WORLD who won't have any contact with the father at all, and the chance of a successful ceremony without nuclear bombs going off is less than zero

* ACCEPT THE BLOODY SUGGESTION

* Watch in horror as SHE dumps you a month later, all contact withdrawn 2 months after that, never a row, never a decent excuse. And she asked me for money back for presents.

The whole thing has made me feel like a worthless dickhead. Just goes to show that having 11 A*s and going to a posh public school doesn't give you any kind of moral responsibility. BE CAREFUL, CHILDREN
(sjflangehound, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:36, Reply)

A friend of my boyfriend's (no, really)
was, a few years ago, whilst at uni with my fella, quite into chatting on IRC. Let's call him Adam. He's sitting in a computer lab one day chatting away to a guy about random geekiness (well, it was a computing course after all) and builds up somewhat of a fleeting friendship. Every so often they's happen upon each other in this IRC room and natter on about the day's geekery.

Say no more.

But one day Adam was in his room, alone, in his halls of residence. His phone rings.
"Guess who this is?"
Adam doesn't know who it is.
"It's me! Chris! Off IRC!"
Adam doesn't remember giving Chris his number but no worries, hey, he's ringing for a chat, right!?
"Guess where I am!" Chris says.
"Er...at home?"
"Nope! Look out of the window!"
Adam looks out of the window and sure enough is a particularly scary looking geek, with a bag, on a mobile, waving.
"Fuck off you fucking stalking freak!" shouts Adam and hangs up.

Then the doorbell buzzes.
Then stones are thrown at the window.
And shouting is heard. Pleading, from outside.

Adam never saw Chris again and never found out how he got his number or halls room address.

But he never went on IRC again. Sometimes though, my boyfriend and his mates would send him emails signed 'love Chris'. Adam became a nervous fellow after that, sometimes he'd twitch.
(Northern Lovely, Fri 17 Mar 2006, 13:27, Reply)