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Hello Fatties.
BLIMEY the football..
It's ever so important.


How's the whale tank?
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:28, archived)
I attracted the envy of a passing vagrant last night.
I was with The Woman and her friend. We were all drunk. We were stood outside the pub. I held The Woman's boob in one hand, and her friend's boob in the other. 'Here,' I said to man, 'Look at me. Aren't I ace?'.
It was great.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:29, archived)
so you felt a tit in front of a vagabond

(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)
why is it always raining in your breasts?

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:23, archived)
severed?
or still attached?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)
What next for Dr mastectomy
tune in next week!
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)
*Standing ovation*
You've no doubt just made several enemies on here, who'll deny it ever happened, ever.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)
I'd like to think that you were there in spirit, JMG, nodding in approval at the clutching of breasts.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)
Oh I most certainly am!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)
This sort of thing belongs on QOTW

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)
I think I'll go to off-topic and thrill them by posting.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)
The love you over there
They told me themselves, at a bash on Friday night.
Every single one of them lied.
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:38, archived)
*Head in hands*
Oh my..
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
you horribly middle class poof.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:57, archived)
A really middle-class person
would consider public displays of affection like that to be extrememly vulgar.

As for doing it in front of a vagrant, it's patronising and deeply disrespectful. I am disapointed, but not surprised.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:22, archived)
some bloke hung himself
after Arsenal lost to Manchester
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)
:(
Poor chap.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)
he was foriegn though
so it dosen't really count
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)
Yeah, but supporting Arsenal?
*sympathy*
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)
haha
I love you
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:43, archived)
That's nothing
I know a chap who openly admits to supporting Tottenham.
(I helped save b3ta! wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:42, archived)
Any truth to the rumour that
you are from the midlands, and live with your dad?
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:30, archived)
Well this is only a matter for Aberdeen to decide.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)
I heard you were
two dwarves in an overcoat.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)
One calls Esme whilst the other one calls Moohalaa.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
I love a bit of soccerball, arm pads, oranges at half time oh no umpire! tackle above the shoulder! love the Manchester Hotspur and the Harlequins when they play. it's a game of 3 halves, WHAT HO!

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)
RAH RAH RAH, COME ON FOOTBALL AND KICK US A GOAL.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)
LBW! Look! Black Wog! Off the football fairway please, no place for the likes of you! next they'll be asked to be paid...tssk

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)
Oh Dear...
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
Oh what ho...a commoner from ...oh god, I can't understand his accent...NewKasssel is it? never heard of the place...
IT'S IN THE NORTH?!? oh god, that's where that terrible disease of Widow's Peak comes from! where's my medical snuff box?!? GET AWAY FROM ME !
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
Stop picking on 90nz0.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)
I see the Newcastles are playing the foot-to-ball tonight
I hope they manage to avoid downgrades into lower tiers. They should hit the ball into the scorebag often.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)
That's a direct quote from myself, only this morning!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)
Oh, they're playing Boro
I hope they slaughter Boro. The Facebook will get interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:56, archived)
fuck that
it'd make my day to see that shower of shit go down

erm by which I mean, lolfootballs hahaha
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:57, archived)
<OVER THE TOP REACTION AND BOOHOOS ON THE INTERNET>

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:58, archived)
Sifting through the tasteless plankton of the internet as always.
How's life at the towers?
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:31, archived)
Nervous, Double R.
Nervous indeed.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)
Blimey. It's squeaky bum time and no mistake.
A feeling that the chubbers on here can no doubt empathise with, regardless of their sporting apathy.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)
A tad on the grumpy side.
Even Sainsbury's don't have any jobs I could get, but at least their website works better than the last time I looked at it.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:32, archived)
If I owned a chain of supermarket, I'd employ you.
I can't be any fairer than that.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)
Thank you JMG,
that means a lot to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
argh Tesco only put management positions online

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)
I have a friend who plays football
so I don't need to care about it. apart from Rangers and Sheffield Wednesday, and even then I barely do.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)
Well, it's a start.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)
I appreciate football players' thighs, JMG.
Have you got thighs, or are you a Johnny Eck sort of a chap?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)
I have two.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
Be still my beating heart.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
It's a pretty damn good one too, if she drops the scottish mob.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
When I make my triumphant return to the nation of my birth
I shall have to make a point of going to see a Wednesday game. It's been years since I last went. Terrible form.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:38, archived)
I'd say I'd go with you, but I'm scared of you foreign dwelling internetters - you might stab me up.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
This is unfortunately most true
I've stabbed quite a few this year already. I keep waking up covered in blood with a knife next to me and oh god oh god I did it again oh god
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
They're only there because of friendship loyalty.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
i had an altercation with a tree
i'm never going outside again
(I helped save b3ta! well, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:33, archived)
Oh deary me..
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)
i've never had anything but good things to say about trees over the years
so the whole incident was a rather unpleasant surprise
(I helped save b3ta! well, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
oh jmg i am so fat
i want a new telephone, but i cannot have one until i get a letter from the GPO saying that i can keep my old phone number. all this waiting is bringing my acne out
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:34, archived)
Nothing a good SHOWER won't fix.
Hop to it man, into the tub and out with the Clearasil.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)
I'm iiiillllll
:(
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:35, archived)
*rubs with vicks vapo rub*
Open your eyes, I want to make sure I've got everywhere.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
hahaha
I can see why you went for command rather than medical.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
More throws on the +12 dice?

(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, archived)
I do the same when ill, but rub Marmite into my chest mane.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:41, archived)
The wife got marmite on his chamois at the weekend.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
He has a pet antelope?
*glees*
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:44, archived)
*pulls sun squinty face*

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)
Don't give me that look :'(
I like unusual pets
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)
I want a crocodile.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:48, archived)
They would be a bit difficult to cuddle though
I want a pair of Fennec Foxes, they look awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:50, archived)
no wonder you do not attract the ladies
smelling like a yeast infection.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:43, archived)
Marmite's fucking yum, you broken.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:43, archived)
nope, just a different opinion of it
I personally find it fucking vile.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)
It's so niiiice
but then I hate baked beans
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:46, archived)
I think you'll find the ladies love me and want to lick me.
*zoro swords your T Shirt*
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)
SWISH!


 oooooooooooo 
d'""""""d888' 
      .888P   
     d888'    
   .888P      
  d888'    .P 
.8888888888P

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:58, archived)
Do you like bovril too?

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)
Yep.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:46, archived)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)
arg no it stings

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)
I'd kiss it better
but as you're covered in vicks you taste horrid so I can't. I'll waggle my leg at you instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:48, archived)
PUFF!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:36, archived)
shortness is not a disease.

(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:37, archived)
Its an affliction / genetic abnormality
which has symtoms that might include random violent outbursts or extrovert personally traits. Or gingerness.
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:17, archived)
football football football football football i'm the best football football football football football
So ends my JMG impression
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:38, archived)
This will net you, ALL of the girls.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:40, archived)
I've already batted them off with my big, bald head.
yet another JMG impression for you. Bam!
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:44, archived)
Why would you knock women away from yourself?
This homosexual twist you've played on the JMG stereotype is surely now just making you look like a bit of a Mandy.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)
Bam.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:45, archived)
They only want me for my JMG impression.

(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)
That's understandable.
I'm very much the current trend.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)
They see the specs and they go wild!
WILD! Like fucking cougars! i've been bitten.
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:00, archived)
hello!
Football = Gentlemans sport played by thugs
Rugby = Thugs game played by gentlemen

heard this a while ago and agree completely, disagree with me and ill go away and sulk like ronaldo
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:41, archived)
Somebody who likes Rugby may fall out with you, over this.
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:42, archived)
I don't see why,
it's being complementary to rugby and a bit rude to football.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)
But wasn't rugby originally invernted by the upper classes
While football was considered to start with the working class?
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:41, archived)
I do like this; but Football is actually a thugs game played by thick people who can run fast.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:50, archived)
Or
Overpaid scumbags whos proffesion requireds them to shepherd a piece of leather into whats essentially and outdoor cupboard

(thanks Bill Bailey)
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:54, archived)
The only sport where people boast and get respect for having GCSEs of B and above.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:27, archived)
A friend of mine
fairly smart but a real lazy stoner when he was doing his gcse's used to boast that he was the only person who could spell anything with thier grades, he could spell fudge.
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:33, archived)
I could spell the word a Down's uses when he sees a taxi;

C CC ccCCCAB!
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:40, archived)
If the people of my unfortunate acquaintance at University who played Rugby are anything to go by,
they consider themselves to be gentlemen on account of their upbringing, but are in fact brutish drunkards with far more money than etiquette.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:55, archived)
All of my family play rugby, myself included
and we're not rich or brutish, and I don't drink.

I've tended to meet more posh lads into football, presumably because it doesn't muss up their hairdo or nails.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:00, archived)
Perfect description
Im glad you agree then ;)
(McDazzle Knows not what he does, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:00, archived)
CMON PRESTON!

(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:47, archived)
Good luck, there.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:48, archived)
It will be tough
The second half on friday was atrocious
(I helped save b3ta! executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:49, archived)
The very best of luck Jammy
I have felt the gut-wrenching unpleasantness of relegation many times, it is not nice. Belive me when I say that the sweet taste of survival is worth experiencing though.

I was at the Hawthorns with an executive ticket on Saturday, much fun was had, I quizzed the ref before the game about the most unpleasant footballer he had had to work with

'Craig Bellamy' came his reply.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:25, archived)
Friz endorses Wormulus over SexFace.
That was last night's big news.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:28, archived)
Have you been talking about me JMG!
I feel honoured.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:33, archived)
I was getting opinion from Friz.
He's a big player.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:40, archived)