Marmalade:
Fridge or cupboard?

Only you can solve this flat's dilemmas.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

ANOTHER THRILLING REID CONTRIBUTION

( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

I TWEETED MY ANSWER

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

I shouted my answer out of the window
which is about equally pointless IMO
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

Indeed.
Also my finger tastes of soap. BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT. DID YOU?
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

did you forget that you'd washed it since milking your prostate?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

I don't have a prostate :(

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

That must have been an uncomfortable operation.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:10, archived)

Like your face.

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

Should be fine in the cupboard,
unless it takes you months to finish a jar.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

In the fucking bin
Marmalade is like Jam with downs syndrome.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:51, archived)

unless it's onion marmalade,
which is a power of awesome.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

Works well with brie.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

and remember toes make a great dip idea.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

Especially with super strong mature chedder
on crusty bread
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

Everyone is suggesting cheese.
I like this outcome.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

this out
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

I've gone off cheese lately.
I don't know why and it's quite upsetting.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Are you accidently vegan?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

No. I used to be though, but I like eating fishies and moo cows too much.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:03, archived)

PREGGERS

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

Not a chance. I don't have sex, me.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:15, archived)

I have an onion and chilli marmalade that, when added to cheddar on toast, makes me weep with joy

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

I swear when I first read that it said "willy weep with joy"
Did you amendit?
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

HA HA
No, you can keep your perverted heterosexual fantasies to yourself.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

Consentual heterosexual sex in the missionary possition?
Eww, pervert.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

fuck that
with chicken liver pate. or a lovely bit of foie gras. You can shove your mature cheddar.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

*French accent* Have you ever seen someone make fois gras? That is how I make love to my women. */french accent*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:03, archived)

you lock them in a shed and force-feed them grain until their liver explodes?
sweeeet.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

Eet iz a behutiful mehtafor, ez it noht?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

Actually, agreed.
Also agreeing with MGT- it's damn good in cheese on toast.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

In theory marmalade should be aweseom
It's jam, made with oranges, both of which I love, but it's fucking rank.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

Why can't it be nice? They manage to make orange JUICE nice.
It's like grapefruit, which is the most piss poor fruit ever. Tastes of earwax and blech.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

haha
I never thought of earwax but I get what you mean there. I'm never going to be able to eat a grapefruit again.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

Good, I'm glad I've saved you from it's evil clutches.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:58, archived)

I hate grapefruit
but I love orange and grapefruit juice.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Mixed together? I might have to try that.
I like pomegranate, apple and raspberry. Or at least I think that's what it is.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

I prefer it to most jams,
because most jams are sweet. Strawberry jam in particular can fuck right off.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

Strawberry jam
can indeed fuck right off. Right off into my tummy.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:58, archived)

Racist to downs :(

( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

They aren't a race
You have to be human to be a race.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

what about a horse race?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

When have you ever seen a mong
win the Grand National ?

*rests case*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

1997

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

He only won because he was driving a bumper car.
And he wouldn't stop crying because he thought the horses were chasing him.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

it's the same rules for everybody.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

Cupboard
Mrs F keeps jam in the fridge, it drives me MENTAL and makes me want to HURT THINGS with HAMMERS.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:52, archived)

Dude
you have issues.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

*I'm* not the one who keeps jam in the fridge.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:54, archived)

Can you not just leave her ?

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:55, archived)

I'm not going to let her win.
Not that easily.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

Kill her a bit with a hammer
then leave ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

she's right, you know
MOULD, Flappers. MOULD.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:58, archived)

The point of jams is not to go mouldy
because they're so sugary. They stay good for ever. Or at least for an inhumanly long time compared to how long they last when they taste so nice on buttery toast.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Or in semolina

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

Mine always get mouldy.
I see your point but in practice it just doesn't work out like that.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

that's from using a knife that isn't clean, spangles.
clean knife = no mould.

the fact that jam is every colour of the wrongbow is by the by.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:02, archived)

I'm not using two knives when I can just as easily have cold jam.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

fucking knife HEATHEN.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

I put toast crumbs and butter in the marmite...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:06, archived)

you shag Hitlers

( WormuIus, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:09, archived)

It's in the fridge.
It's special Paddington Bear marmalade.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:53, archived)

I like Bramble Jelly Jam
It's the only jam I eat.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:56, archived)

Fridge.
Unless you like mould on your jams.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:57, archived)

This is my point. Why the hell would one put it in the cupboard?
That's where dry things, condiments, tins and that sort of thing live. Not wet things.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:59, archived)

In theory you're meant to be able to keep it in cupboards
as it's got lots of sugar in. But in practice, you can't.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

My cupboards must be stealth bastards then.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:02, archived)

if you can't,
it's because it's crap cheap jam made on the assumption that everyone keeps it in the fridge these days.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:02, archived)

because the entire point of jam is that it keeps.
that's why they invented it, long before fridges.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:01, archived)

But it doesn't. Furry jam hats, MGT.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:02, archived)

I've seen it happen.
They're obviously not doing it properly.
I visited a cider farm the other week, and they make jam there too, and the guy in there said that there's a certain amount of sugar you have to put in before it won't go off. They make sure they put enough in, at least, even if Tesco think they can economise on it.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:04, archived)

I have that Bonne Maman stuff, maybe they're just as bad.
Actually, my nan's jam never went off.

AHHHH.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

Marmalade in the fridge and jam in the cupboard
I prefer the texture and taste at those temperatures
( M o D, Tue 12 May 2009, 15:58, archived)

Between the anus and the colon.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:00, archived)

I'm listening to Bat for Lashes.
I fancy her. I really do.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:03, archived)

I listened to that t'other day.
Quite liked. I can't remember what she looks like though...

*googles*
( Jobe, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:13, archived)

Not totally convinced.

( Jobe, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:14, archived)

Rubbish marmalade in the fridge (else it turns back into orange juice)
proper marmalade (made with proper sugar - not glucose syrup) keeps ok in the cupboard

/Mamade ftw!
( CanonCaliber A big bore, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:05, archived)

Cupboard

( WormuIus, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:07, archived)

Also...
can anyone quickly explain Manichaeism to me? And more specifically why some chump would say that a vital characteristic of a detective story is a manichaeistic ideology to explain the contrast between good and evil?
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:08, archived)

Good vs Evil dualism and eternal conflict between the two.
A detective story is a story about the "good" detective in a struggle against the "evil" criminal mind.

Except in Heat/L.A. Takedown where the point was that good people and evil people are the same. Maybe that is why it was crap.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:11, archived)

Hmmm.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:16, archived)

Another point might be that in contrast to other hero-based stories,
the detective doesn't save the world or significantly change things for the better. He simply solves one case, and we presume that after the story is over, he goes on to solve more cases, and on in a neverending struggle. But he persists, because he's "good" and that's what being good means. Ultimately, he's only preserving a balance or status quo between the one side and the other.

Perhaps the point that Heat makes is that the difference between the two is entirely a case of taking sides, and that even though both sides are necessary to create a balance, the roles could nevertheless be completely reversed without making a jot of difference.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:21, archived)

Oooh. Yes. Very interesting. Thanks.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:25, archived)