Fucking hell.
I just had a stressful experience that I shan't bore you with.
Have you recently had a stressful experience that you shan't bore us with?
Share no details about it here.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 16:38, archived)

I have
but as I've been asked not to share, I shan't.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 16:48, archived)

Fucking hell, eh?
Fucking hell.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:03, archived)

yer

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 16:50, archived)

Fuckin' 'ell.
Or should that be fuckin'ell?
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:04, archived)

or a third thing

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:33, archived)

No.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 16:57, archived)

I reckon you only came out of hiding to see the candles!
Watchin' you!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 16:58, archived)

I came back because reddit, Twitter, BlueSky, Facebook, 4chan and Mumsnet are all shit.
So is /talk, but at least it’s a familiar shit.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:12, archived)

A grim selection for sure.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:14, archived)

20 happy flaming candles up your bum™

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:01, archived)

Thanks darling.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:11, archived)

No
I've had a lovely day of swimming, cafe, pub and now back in my mate's on the vodka and a shoe delivery on the way
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:36, archived)

Fuck shoe.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:31, archived)

That would be very uncomfortable

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:35, archived)

duckduckgo.com/?q=habitat+loss+from+cocaine+production
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:47, archived)

yeah probably

( $$ ✅, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:59, archived)

That's the name of my new band

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:16, archived)

"a stressful experience that I shan't bore you with"?
Or "that's"?
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:33, archived)

Maybe..maybe not

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:07, archived)

Summer, summer, summertime
Time to sit back and unwind

No stress here, just good vibes
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:59, archived)

U OK hun? x

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 21:02, archived)

Yip.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 21:05, archived)

afternoon
what are your intricate plans for today?
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 12:35, archived)

I'm thinking about updating the Linux OS on my main PC
it's not a rolling distro so I'll have to backup everything first.
Either that or watch shit on youtube in bed.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 12:46, archived)

I did that with Linux Mint recently
got everything working well except photoshop
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:12, archived)

i updated to windows 11 and it was completely seamless.
i haven't had a software issue on my home pcs for years.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:26, archived)

none of my 3 pcs can run 11 and they all run fine on 10
I'm certainly not going to be buying all new hardware just cos microsoft want me to. once 10 is unsupported it'll be linux
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:49, archived)

fair enough

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:54, archived)

It's fairly trivial to make 11 work just fine.
As long as the PC with W10 can run a release after "version 2004" which introduced some SSE4.2 "requirement", it will run 11 with a few minor registry changes. Since W11 is still W10, essentially.

Make the following a .reg file and run it to make the needed changes:

Windows Registry Editor Version 5.00

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\Setup\MoSetup]
"AllowUpgradesWithUnsupportedTPMOrCPU"=dword:00000001

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\Setup\LabConfig]
"BypassTPMCheck"=dword:00000001
"BypassSecureBootCheck"=dword:00000001
"BypassStorageCheck"=dword:00000001
"BypassRAMCheck"=dword:00000001
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 16:35, archived)

no, fuck off

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:14, archived)

you tell him bricks
don't stand for it, cunts trying to help piss me rite off an all. wankers.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:18, archived)

Well, fuck you then!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:20, archived)

that's the spirit, dave!

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:42, archived)

Fuckin’ nerds
macOS 4 lyfe
( Cheers Cheers, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:09, archived)

I don't even own a computer anymore

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:19, archived)

i only have one so i can buy games, install them, then never play them
i should probably get rid of it tbh
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:23, archived)

Close to moving my personal PC over.
Been trialling it in VMs since it got released. Just a few little tweaks and it'll be ready IMO.
Managed to kill the stupid rounded corners last month. Next up: kill the "Recommended" section in the Start Menu entirely - it's already "Minimal", but I want it gone!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 16:42, archived)

it's all doable pretty easily
Don't take long
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 17:42, archived)

Oh I mean pre-install removal.
Once I have a stable ISO "build" with the setup as I want it, I will make the move. 99% there.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:11, archived)

how many machines are you loading it onto ffs!?
is this a remote install to 1000 pcs?
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:19, archived)

"Some"

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:20, archived)

enough to warrant the effort, clearly!
send a link to the image when you're done. or don't. your choice.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:43, archived)

Billy up japper

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 3 Aug 2024, 12:50, archived)

good lad

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:27, archived)

Trimming my bush

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 12:58, archived)

fnarr

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 12:59, archived)

you could make a soup

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:28, archived)

Sit on my arse and do fuck all, mostly.
It’s all go here.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:18, archived)

don't forget the semen

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:27, archived)

Stop coming on to me.
lol
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:50, archived)

-o +i

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:54, archived)

20 years

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:50, archived)

Yo aardvark it's your birthday, we gonna party like it's yo birthday

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:18, archived)

Morning comrades
Handed my notice in I can't do this crap anymore
Told to do the union shit and reduce to 25 a day is the last straw
Gizza job?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 8:01, archived)

What are your skills and experience?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 8:42, archived)

maybe he could get a job in your CANDLE FACTORY

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 9:13, archived)

Christ, I’m old. But shiny!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 9:17, archived)

that's the olay effect

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:35, archived)

I usually just smear myself with the blood of my enemies.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:52, archived)

blood of my enemies shit and semen
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:57, archived)

only at weekends

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 12:32, archived)

Security, bar, scaffolding, gp and labourer on site

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 10:02, archived)

Have you thought about prostitution?
Failing that I dunno, sounds to me like you should be able to walk into a whole range of jobs from health consultancy to fisting sailors. I’d offer you a job if I had one to offer. Also if I were a sailor.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 10:47, archived)

I have just been offered a job
Medical advisor to my local county council
I am taking this seriously and I feel for my patients but I can't really do this anymore
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:07, archived)

Hopefully you won't have time to post on here any more.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:25, archived)

Pretend to be a doctor on the internet you mean? Yes it must be exhausting.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:32, archived)

bunu anladim

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:34, archived)

i feel for your patients as well

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:48, archived)

-for

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 13:28, archived)

You've gone this far
Why not go further? Open your own practice and take your patients with you
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 8:48, archived)

It doesn't work like that sadly

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 9:56, archived)

Worked for Harold Shipman

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 10:13, archived)

Up to a point.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 10:38, archived)

Well, yes

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:21, archived)

no tbh
lol
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 9:14, archived)

Lol u r a card
Lol card
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 9:58, archived)

Oh no what job will you pretend to have now?

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 14:26, archived)

fuck off brb

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 18:21, archived)

scab

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 19:42, archived)

morning

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Sat 3 Aug 2024, 8:00, archived)

yup

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 8:48, archived)

bunu anladim ok

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:35, archived)

that's easy for you to say

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 12:12, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:42, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:58, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:58, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:59, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:59, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:59, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:59, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:59, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 1:59, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:00, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:00, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:00, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:00, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:00, archived)

You could have done a nice chevron, but even that was beyond you.
Fuck you, mongy. Fuck you.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 14:26, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:01, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:03, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:07, archived)

Yes we can

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:02, archived)

Can we kick it?

( mongychops, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 2:04, archived)

Yes we can

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 4:20, archived)

bunu anladim fam

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 11:36, archived)

Kickb0t and C4nkertron

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 3 Aug 2024, 8:23, archived)

i'm at the stage of tired where all my tired is too tired.
what's the longest you've been without sleep and is there any story attached to that you make me sick
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:25, archived)

piss off then

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:40, archived)

I believe in you
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Gardner_sleep_deprivation_experiment
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:45, archived)

it's a fact that if you suffer from depression
sleep deprivation is a cure. a temporary cure, unfortunately, as whilst your depression fades more the longer you are awake it resets back to miserable fucking cunt as soon as you get a good night('s((s))(((?)))((((???))))) sleep. weird eh?
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:49, archived)

Comedy name corner.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:34, archived)

Randy Experiment
dem middle names doe
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:50, archived)

#RandyBumgardner

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:51, archived)

dr dick
obligatory
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:56, archived)

also
oblongjiggystory
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:58, archived)

go to bed you fucking stupid fucking cunt

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:59, archived)

fuck off i've been buying presents

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 20:39, archived)

What did you get me?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 20:46, archived)

an inflatable ego

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 20:50, archived)

right. i'm going to bed.
then staying in bed, then staying in bed again.

goodnight. i don't want an alarm call, or toast.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 20:58, archived)

BIG FAT BOLLOCKS

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 21:30, archived)

YOU WOULD SAY THAT

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 21:30, archived)

How the fuck did that fucking fuck
How have you got energy for shouting
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 21:39, archived)

i haven't
i'm powered only by residual alcohol atm
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 21:58, archived)

3 days
I've suffered from insomnia my whole life and have learnt to deal with it. My tendency to sleepwalk doesn't help, but I'm used to it. The only advice I can give you is sleep when you can and be grateful for it.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 22:09, archived)

Also, one day of sleepless causes irritability
2 days causes irrationally and 3 days causes psychosis
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 22:23, archived)

which never went away in your case, eh?

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 22:56, archived)

I smoke weed. I sleep lovely.

( mongychops, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 22:59, archived)

what position?

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 23:00, archived)

I'm asleep, dunno

( mongychops, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 23:19, archived)

i wish i was

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 23:43, archived)

Hi pillock's, get yer Queef thread 'ere
Busy weekend ahead? I'm doing a French bread making course at Borough 2moz.

Prolly tit up a terrapin
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 14:44, archived)

Going to my mate's tomorrow
We're taking her kids swimming, then having a bbq and booze. Sunday will be mostly recovering.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 14:48, archived)

Still in Portugal. Kids are being a pain, keep trying to go to nice restaurants but wife gets stressed out because they don't eat anything

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 14:50, archived)

Can’t you just Maddy them and enjoy yourselves?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:13, archived)

Topical.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:20, archived)

At least you got some heroin, right?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:03, archived)

hey mofaha! i survived! were you worried about me?
you have to say yes.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:51, archived)

yes, i have no memory whatsoever of what you're referring to

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:54, archived)

you bastard

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 20:52, archived)

now that, i remember

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 20:55, archived)

burger king

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:46, archived)

You wanna be careful making that forrin bread
might get a brick thrown at you

ETA: this is a potentially amusing reply relating to current events and not a racist bonehead threat
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 14:56, archived)

Can't it be both?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:02, archived)

^The voice of bipartisan reason

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:07, archived)

I'm all out of bricks

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 17:42, archived)

forrins stole em

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 20:23, archived)

Going "glamping" for a couple of nights from Sunday.
Wife got an employee of the quarter award and £250 voucher about 18 months ago. We were going to use it on a balloon ride, but the cunts keep cancelling every flight we booked so we're putting it towards that instead.

I refuse to type "glamping" without quotes, I'm not garold.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:07, archived)

Fuck that
I don't go on holiday to cook for myself, and I need a pool
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:20, archived)

l
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:22, archived)

Less than 2 minutes

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:29, archived)

that's hardly even enough time to leave a yelp review. you gotta eat less fibre.
or more chocolate. i dunno i'm not a bum expert.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:52, archived)

So the rumours are false?

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 17:43, archived)

that's the rumour

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:16, archived)

No worries, we'll let them know you aren't coming.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:59, archived)

Cheers

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:01, archived)

I fucking hate camping
and picnics
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:22, archived)

and garold

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:24, archived)

It's a boutique en-suite wooden cabin with a wood-fired hot tub.
I wouldn't class it as camping.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:59, archived)

Me too.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:21, archived)

Off on hollibobs then?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:25, archived)

I thought we talked about this

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:06, archived)

Alright garold

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:08, archived)

Good afternoon, can I interest you in the entire copied & pasted contents of a spam e-mail I just received?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:27, archived)

"interest" is poor choice of word here

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:37, archived)

I'll be gaying it up BIG time

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:24, archived)

Oooh, you'll rearrange the lamps
AND the cushions!!!!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:27, archived)

queer light for a straight shite

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:02, archived)

I'll be offsetting my terrible taste in music, with extraordinary satorial elegance

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:15, archived)

I'm catsitting at my sister's place in Maidenhead while the family is away
so I'll be going for a run, maybe along the river? Do a bit of shopping in town (Grape Tree for seeds and poncey stuffs). Drinking wine in the garden. Bit of music practise - making a bit of progress with the sight-reading.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:27, archived)

Is it too late to suggest a name change to Shakin' Stevens do you think?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:50, archived)

What about Vanilla Ice?
Not as a name for Shakin' Stevens, but as a candidate for a naming intervention
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:04, archived)

Cardi B
hi I'm secondary cardigan
jumper #2 here
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:11, archived)

I for one will NOT find it funny if Shakin' Stevens develops Parkinson's.
/ac
(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:22, archived)

i think this is what got me thinking about it, it's just another good reason for him to change his name
if indeed he is still Shakin'
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 22:49, archived)

I ain't sayin nuttin'

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:05, archived)

Say ejaculating then

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:14, archived)

Poker tournament Sunday
Big blinds
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:19, archived)

For privacy?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:38, archived)

poker is dull as fucking dishwater

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 17:16, archived)

Fat people with white sticks and guide dogs?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 17:55, archived)

Shhh, they don't know they're fat

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:05, archived)

Friday lunchtime bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 13:30, archived)

dunno what to have
bored with sandwiches
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 13:34, archived)

^dull

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 13:34, archived)

Pie.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 14:33, archived)

tbh

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 13:40, archived)

I'm having sausages
So bollocks is a possibility
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 13:43, archived)

Can I say wrinkly chùckers
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 14:10, archived)

Best introduction to someone's wikipedia entry ever:
Lear's origins are unclear, with the singer providing different information about her background and keeping her birth year a secret from her long-term husband.[24] Contested facts include her birth date and place, the gender she was born as, names and nationalities of her parents, and the location of her upbringing. Most sources claim 18 June 1939,[25][26] including Bibliothèque nationale de France[27] or 18 November 1939 to be her birth date, including GEMA. Her birth year, though, has variously been given as 1941,[13] 1946,[10] and 1950
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 14:17, archived)

arseboon dilbaro

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:03, archived)

semen khaidenko tbh

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:15, archived)

Badir Al-Nazi

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 19:59, archived)

AI Nazis are fun, but don't let them cheapen the work of talented Nazis.
/ac
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 21:24, archived)

My practice has adopted 6 of the suggestions that have been suggested
What a crock, I have no shows all the bloody time now I am being told to limit my appointments to 25 a day
Fuck it, really
Rant over, fancy a pint?
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 10:48, archived)

Pint of cold foaming go fuck yourself?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:05, archived)

Morning comrade

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:10, archived)

Maybe you should go on strike

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:08, archived)

Serious answer or a silly one?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:09, archived)

Yes

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:10, archived)

Ok
I earn a good amount for the work I do
I want to do the best for my patients despite the piss taking I do here
I have taken an oath to help and not harm
I think limiting my appòintments to 25 a day would be not the best
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:19, archived)

Just messing with you m8, hope it gets resolved

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 12:16, archived)

YOU FUCKING STUIPD FUCKING CUNT

(Great Forum Banter, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 12:31, archived)

How many appointments do you have per day atm?

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 15:04, archived)

Why are you still practicing? Are you not any good at it yet?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:21, archived)

Nope I'm crap

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:38, archived)

:(

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:39, archived)

Do you work in one of those massage places on the high street
next to the bookie and the pound shop?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:22, archived)

There's not going to be a happy ending.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:29, archived)

Wank jobs cost a 25
Lol wank
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:39, archived)

I will be having many pints next week
As my supervisor is likely getting fired
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:33, archived)

Can we all come?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:41, archived)

Out of a cannon, into the sun?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 11:48, archived)

Dethklok!!!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 12:23, archived)

That would be nice
Seems I've been doing most of her job for the last 2 and a half years
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 12:47, archived)

Hmm
do you want her job? If you've been going most of it anyway why not get paid her salary?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 13:28, archived)

I'm not entirely sure what her job is
Because she never seems to do anything. Our building got a new manager 2 months ago. He's not my manager, cleaning is outsourced, but he is very strict. He called my manager, who called our regional manager, who came to our building yesterday. They asked me if I cleaned the entire top floor on my own. I said yes, because I do. They said I should only be doing half. The young girl downstairs isn't meant to do the toilets, but our supervisor said she is. Every time a new cleaner starts, she palms off more and more of her duties on the new hires. She's also been accused of bullying. She gets back to work on Monday, she's been on holiday for a fortnight, so they're going to meet her when she gets in and read her the riot act.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 13:41, archived)

"she never seems to do anything", sounds like you know exactly what her job is, less work for more money

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:10, archived)

from her perspective it's actually more work

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 18:11, archived)

morning

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 7:15, archived)

Oh Friday morning woo yay!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 7:37, archived)

Fuck this shit, I have next week off and a massive load of work to get through

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Fri 2 Aug 2024, 8:04, archived)

Would you like a sickie note?

(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 8:17, archived)

2 no shows in a row
Woo yay!
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 8:18, archived)

About time too.
Damn weekend seems to have been avoiding me, staying away as long as possible.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 8:25, archived)

After a hot night it's misty and cold this morning
blessed relief. I'm out of London for a couple of days by myself cat-sitting two very affable youngsters - honestly, the love and affection, the purring and attention when I'm about to feed them then when they've eaten I may as well not exist. I respect that!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 9:04, archived)

i fell over today
i wasn't even drunk.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:05, archived)

I skated up the pub . Little grind on the curb .

( mongychops, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:11, archived)

cya l8r boi

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:13, archived)

Just walked out of the local market in Lisbon and a guy outside the door asked if I wanted to buy cocaine.
Was with my wife and two young daughters at the time, must have looked like I needed it
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:24, archived)

if you see him again buy me a henry and post it pls m8

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:30, archived)

oh nm forgot where lisbon is for a minute there

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:31, archived)

I'm batman

( mongychops, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 21:27, archived)

prove it!

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 22:22, archived)

He was probably offering an exchange, if only you spoke the language.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 22:30, archived)

a few summers back I emerged from Kings Cross Tube all sweaty and starving
and a dude offered me heroin. Did wonder quite how bad I looked
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 22:44, archived)

a girl came up to me at kings cross and asked if i wanted any business

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 4:48, archived)

Did you give her your card?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 8:57, archived)

I used to work in soho
got asked if I wanted a girlfriend or a massage more times than I can remember
I obvs look like a sex case
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 9:47, archived)

I do that more often than I would like

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 21:11, archived)

i need to buy a present for my brother
i can't think of anything :/
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 21:52, archived)

I have one brother who I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire
But buy him something related to his interests. If he likes going on the piss, buy him a homebrew kit. If he likes gardening, buy him a shed. If he likes food, buy him a cookery course.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 23:21, archived)

i'll buy him some massive drugs then

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 23:34, archived)

buy him a testing kit

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 1:48, archived)

pretty sure he'll test positive

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 3:09, archived)

lol to test his drugs before he takes them I mean

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 12:23, archived)

i know! teeheehee!

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 16:50, archived)

It looks like I solved a software issue today that's been bothering me for nearly 3 weeks

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 1:11, archived)

well done

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 1:12, archived)

Now I'll have to find something else to obsess over

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 1:47, archived)

i'm currently obsessing about falling asleep. it's not helping.
it's 3am and i have to be up at 6. ugh.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 3:01, archived)

Feeling this

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 3:21, archived)

now i also have a headache.
At least i don't have to drive for two hours to get to site oh wait, yes i do. Fuck sake.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 3:35, archived)

Well now its 4 and you still have to be up at 6
And so do I.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 4:02, archived)

looks like we're fucked

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 4:37, archived)

now it looks like it's just me that's fucked.

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 4:59, archived)

aww yiss
One hour sleep. I'm ready for action
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Fri 2 Aug 2024, 6:08, archived)

I can't post my joke in qotw so I'll just leave it here:
Which gameshow is characterised by particle energies of around 10¹⁹ GeV or 10⁹ J, time intervals of around 5×10⁻⁴⁴ s and lengths of around 10⁻³⁵ m?
Planckety-Planck.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 15:54, archived)

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 17:38, archived)

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 17:39, archived)

You're a constant disappointment

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:04, archived)

hey, come on now

( $$ ✅, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:12, archived)

You're right, that was too much
Sorry
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:48, archived)

ISWYDH

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 22:31, archived)

On a scale of 1 to 10
That joke isn't on the scale
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 19:43, archived)

FINALLY he's starting to fit in here

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 21:08, archived)

Candles tbh

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 12:22, archived)

Cheers

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Thu 1 Aug 2024, 12:35, archived)

beepeedee

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 12:39, archived)

tbh

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Thu 1 Aug 2024, 12:40, archived)

Ooh, shiny.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 12:39, archived)

shiny, like my helmit

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:40, archived)

If your helmet shines like seventeen candles
you might need to see a doctor. Or a priest.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:50, archived)

BIG FAT BOLLOCKS

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 12:56, archived)

YES

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:40, archived)

Cor!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:00, archived)

I know right

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:40, archived)

congrats

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:14, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:40, archived)

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️sticklebricks

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 14:05, archived)

ANUS
not really, hullo
( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:33, archived)

alright

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:40, archived)

17 happy flaming candles up your bum™

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:55, archived)

It’s pretty warm up there

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 13:59, archived)

Happiness is a warm bum

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 14:05, archived)

Flaming wax sticks

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 14:35, archived)

I’d imagine it does

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 14:44, archived)

This is well bent, m8
No offence
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 14:36, archived)

Too late, I’m deeply offended

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 14:44, archived)

totally burning here

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 15:05, archived)

🔥

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 15:16, archived)

i smell like bad soup :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 17:30, archived)

Afternoon candles cheers lol

( broadsword w⚓, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 15:11, archived)

lol tbh

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 15:17, archived)

Concandleations!

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 16:40, archived)

fuck off then

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 17:37, archived)

Sorry was busy having a shit

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:27, archived)

hope you put a candle in it

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:32, archived)

Cheers
Cheers
( $$ ✅, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 16:43, archived)

dribble

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:27, archived)

Nice

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:27, archived)

Sorted

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:28, archived)

alright

( mongychops, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 18:51, archived)

candle bra

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 19:20, archived)

Fuck u up bra

( mongychops, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:06, archived)

boo bra

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:33, archived)

sup

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 20:39, archived)

Hello
I said 'white rabbit' 10 times on getting up as it's the first of the month
Do you have any stupid superstitions?
Getting up lollollol
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 7:14, archived)

Pissing it down here lol

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Thu 1 Aug 2024, 7:15, archived)

If the dustbin men are surly
It's been pissing down since early
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 7:19, archived)

Please stop posting on b3ta.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Thu 1 Aug 2024, 8:46, archived)

Please hang, draw and quarter yourself
With a blunt spoon
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 9:13, archived)

You want me to drag myself through the streets behind a horse?
How would that work?
(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Thu 1 Aug 2024, 9:21, archived)

Careful planning m8
Carefully done
(President of the lighthouse Organised the Trumpton riots, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 9:26, archived)

Morning of the month
I commuted like an urban person today. It was most pleasant at 7am. Probably fucking horrible at proper rush hour.

Anyway, first time in the office for six weeks and the packet of ground coffee has... erm ... lost its flavour somewhat. Still. Not wasting it. Urgh.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 9:26, archived)

I have a superstition
If I go on the internet and it’s full of twats, that means it’ll be a twatty day.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 10:15, archived)

alright

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Thu 1 Aug 2024, 10:40, archived)

Alright beepeedee
I hope your day is as lovely as you are.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 11:31, archived)

Harsh.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Thu 1 Aug 2024, 11:32, archived)

Not really
I'm not particularly superstitious
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 10:39, archived)

Stevie Wonder's first draft was a bit shit

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 10:43, archived)

just did 10 minutes on the turbo trainer and i am dripping with sweat.
tomorrow i'm going to try turning the pedals
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 19:10, archived)

what's his name?

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 19:21, archived)

The turbo , eh

( mongychops, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 19:23, archived)

I heard he's serious as cancer

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 19:39, archived)

Oh snap!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:02, archived)

was that your banjo string again?

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:16, archived)

It was

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:54, archived)

oh. good.

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 21:04, archived)

That's nice love. Have you eaten?

( mongychops, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 19:22, archived)

Nosh down on this!!!!
*gestures at crotch*
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:06, archived)

Hang on, whose crotch am I gesturing at?

*switches on phonetorch*

Oh I do hey your pardon. What a faux pas!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:07, archived)

mostly beer today
less chewing
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:15, archived)

bo d-s
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:38, archived)

RIP Randall :'(

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 22:52, archived)

Rip indeed

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 22:55, archived)

Ribeepeedeed

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 6:42, archived)

and hopkirk

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 23:24, archived)

the baddy from Monsters Inc?

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 23:25, archived)

😥

( Queef Richard's U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 1 Aug 2024, 9:07, archived)

Nice thread where everyone is nice and kind to each other
You are all so talented and unique and you look smashing.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:27, archived)

go fuck yourself

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:27, archived)

I admire the speed with which you replied to this. Well done!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:30, archived)

Points for style too

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:58, archived)

and my axe

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:56, archived)

yes

( $$ ✅, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:29, archived)

Your support means the world to me.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:30, archived)

Bollocks
I'm hot and sticky and look like a swamp witch
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:29, archived)

But none of that stops your true beauty shining through.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:31, archived)

Go fuck yourself.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:37, archived)

You lovable little rascal. Your banter is so entertaining.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:42, archived)

It really isn't.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:53, archived)

It's yeasty and sticky

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:59, archived)

b3ta.com/links/1617481
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:53, archived)

Some 15 year olds are 'ripe for plucking' eh?
/links really are a bunch of weird noncey cunts, aren't they?
(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:54, archived)

Isn't it great when people out themselves as nonces so that we don't have to guess?
It certainly saves time and energy spent on guessing.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:56, archived)

Even leaving this rather dodgy post aside
I've never understood why people choose B3ta of all places to make serious points about anything. It will never, ever end well
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:08, archived)

*takes deep breath*

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:08, archived)

I like your pirate hat.

( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:05, archived)

Me too! It's a relic of an older age when everyone was lovely and we certainly never called each other cunts on here.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:08, archived)

You fucking stupid fucking cunt

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:10, archived)

You might be my favourite poster on /talk at the moment.
Well, maybe joint favourite, with all the other lovely people.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:13, archived)

I don't know mate,
That seems like it might be...


Aard vork.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:23, archived)

This is the funniest pun anyone has made in this thread.
At least so far, but I know there are lots of other witty b3tans just waiting to make even funnier jokes...
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:31, archived)

Cor! Thanks Aardvark!
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 17:12, archived)

Do you want me
to give you a hand shandy?
( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:33, archived)

I wasn't pushing for it, but it feels like it would be rude to refuse.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:42, archived)

RIghteo
It's in the post
( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:51, archived)

You mean you've wanked off the postman, don't you.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 15:07, archived)

I'd do anything for you

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 15:22, archived)

half hand half lemonade
or half beer half hand?

Edit: I supoose it should be half hand half lemonade to fit the usage, eg bitter shandy/lager shandy/hand shandy
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:54, archived)

shandy

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:56, archived)

it's one of those words that after you say it lots it goes really weird
shandy
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 14:56, archived)

'member Top Deck???

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 15:08, archived)

wo'werralltharraboa'thenneh?

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 15:43, archived)

Bit northern

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 15:49, archived)

tbh anything above the wash is unintelligible to me

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 16:01, archived)

And most of below it

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:15, archived)

of

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 16:48, archived)

patreon

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 16:57, archived)

I am sinking a can of Camden Hazy IPA
It’s very pleasant. It really is rather relaxing here in the garden with the evening sun and slight breeze

Gonna piss it down tomorrow tho.

Happy beverage of choice to /chat people.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 17:29, archived)

That sounds delightful.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 17:57, archived)

I will be having a drink after work

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:30, archived)

Good evening, valued member Aadvark!

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:20, archived)

What a pleasant greeting!
Hello to you too, the fantastic Mr Tea.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:27, archived)

-d

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:33, archived)

+ Tesco

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:39, archived)

FUNNY NAME CORNER
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralf_Minge
(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:38, archived)

lol

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:39, archived)

his photo looks like he knows why you've clicked on the link

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:40, archived)

Because he knows he has a funny name.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:41, archived)

u a
(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:41, archived)

lol

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 18:44, archived)

Bullshit thread

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 11:54, archived)

Why?
Can't we all be nice and hold hands?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 11:59, archived)

I'm not touching you, you wrap your cock in pastrami and stick in bagels

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 12:03, archived)

Oh come on, don’t be like that.
You just wish you were the bagel.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 12:05, archived)

ask and you shall receive
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 12:16, archived)

Oh yeah
Staying in Maidenhead for a couple of days. Gonna go for a walk later to one of their many lovely pubs for a pint.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 12:54, archived)

BULLSHIT

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:16, archived)

your year just keeps getting better and better doesn't it?

(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 13:27, archived)

what did you do that was so bad, you mentioned it so you have to say, i will mock you ok
but also i will do an understanding look
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 16:46, archived)

A gentleman never tells
So I won’t either. But it really s time to kick the big party weekends into the dustbin.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 17:26, archived)

hmmm

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 23:25, archived)

morning you massive gammon racist cocks

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 6:12, archived)

It is indeed morning.
Well observed.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 7:18, archived)

Can I say Hitler?

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 7:37, archived)

No, I don’t think you’re allowed to say Hitler

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 7:41, archived)

Hitler.

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 7:42, archived)

No, you’re not allowed to say Hitler.
Weren’t you listening?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 7:44, archived)

ADOLF FUCKING HITLER, OK???

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 8:26, archived)

Look, I'm not being racist but you can't say Hitler

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 9:06, archived)

Is Shitler OK?

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 9:28, archived)

Shitley you can’t be serious.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 10:08, archived)

Dunno who that is, soz

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 7:45, archived)

Hitler

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 9:07, archived)

You can't say that!

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 10:05, archived)

reading that to the tune of Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 8:29, archived)

SPOR'T ARE TOMMEH

(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Wed 31 Jul 2024, 8:42, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 9:33, archived)

FUCK YOU BBC

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Tue 30 Jul 2024, 21:02, archived)

FUCK YOU WITH A BBC

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 21:21, archived)

SPUNK ON THE BBC

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 22:17, archived)

Massive gammon racist cock

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 22:33, archived)

Worst Littlechef Special EVER

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 20:09, archived)

Big Beer Chower

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 1:43, archived)

late home today. has anyone noticed it's fairly warm?
i was straight into a cold shower. phew.
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 18:04, archived)

My ice cold heart prevents me from feeling warmth of any kind.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 18:07, archived)

i'm jealous of that atm

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 18:12, archived)

Jealous of that ass to mouth?
Disgusting
(beepeedee 'My stage name is DJ Teargas', Tue 30 Jul 2024, 18:41, archived)

i saw a lovely arse today
oh yes
( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 19:16, archived)

Why thank you

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 19:29, archived)

you're welcome, babe

( MiseryCunt you piece of shit, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 19:31, archived)

Man's not hot

( mongychops, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 19:53, archived)

5 out of 8 offices had no ac on
The walk home wasn't bad, as we've got a nice sea breeze
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 19:58, archived)

shower beers y/n?
I've read a lot of positive comments but I'm not convinced
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 20:15, archived)

Yeasty and sticky, would not recommend

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 21:01, archived)

bollocks

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 21:44, archived)

The water will weaken the beer
Think better
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 22:31, archived)

beer shower

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 30 Jul 2024, 22:57, archived)

FOOLS

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 31 Jul 2024, 1:42, archived)