To be happy in life you need 3 things:
- A young Felicity Kendall
- Chocolate sauce
- A tongue.

Discuss.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:29, archived)

And the Ginger one from Girls Aloud

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:31, archived)

Euuurgh.
She'd be like porridge in a bucket.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:33, archived)

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
*vomits*
(Experiment 626, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:35, archived)

What on earth does that mean?

(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:36, archived)

A fanny like a bucket
full of so much old spunk it would be like stirring porridge.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:38, archived)

http://www.b3ta.com/talk/633259
(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:40, archived)

Good lord...










































_*fwaps*
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:41, archived)

You sir have some real issues:)
*bums*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

But not from my genitals like
the ginger one from Girls Aloud.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:43, archived)

And a time machine...
30 years ago certainly, but not now !
(Experiment 626, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:32, archived)

cheese
that's all
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:33, archived)

Good point.
One ninja edit coming right up...
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:33, archived)

You are the master of stealth.

(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:35, archived)

Yes,
it's down to these magic tin cans of silence I have tied all over my body, and this tuba of subtlety what I keep blowing.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:37, archived)

*faints*

(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:34, archived)

*Takes advantage*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:35, archived)

And there was me
thinking Wimbledon was over.
(Experiment 626, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:37, archived)

*makes hilarious 'balls' joke*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:39, archived)

*strikesthrough*

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:42, archived)

*more strikethroughs*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:44, archived)

Apologies
Sorry I didnt make the Edinburgh bash last night. Mrs Baws was in a car accident coming home from work last night and I took her to the hospital to get checked out.

She's fine but was complaining of a sore neck. Better to be safe than sorry
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

And i bet the bitch wouldnt suck you off last night either

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:20, archived)

hahaha!
you awful, awful man.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

S'ok....
As you said better safe than sorry.

A good time was had by all, and most (Me, Deks, Badger - probably) are nursing rotten hangovers this morning.

Next time....
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:22, archived)

Some twat came right through the lights at the old Barnton roundabout
Right into the side of her car.

The car looks like it can be fixed, and the other guys admitted liability and she's got loads of witnesses. Shouldn't be a problem.
( Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:35, archived)

Get well soon Mrs Baws
Flowers and choclates a plenty.
(Experiment 626, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:24, archived)

Don't forget the
gropes grapes.
(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:26, archived)

To be happy in life you need 3 things:
- Something to do
- Someone to love
- Something to look forward to.

Discuss.
(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

i have none of those
*cries*
*jumps off bridge onto M42*
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

1 & 3 are essential
2 is a bonus
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

*sigh*

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

you should read the book of ecclesiastes
apparently even those things are "meaningless"
(ah sod it tinsels chummily, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

All is vanity.

(Small Beer, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:24, archived)

I do very little.
I love my wife and boy.
I look forward to finding out what colour the pills in my next pack of prozac will be.

I don't know whether I am happy or not.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

Nonsense.
All you need is a fresh supply of meat, and some savalon.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

Right lets check the list.
I fail on all counts.

*dies*
(Experiment 626, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

*knows the feeling*

(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:21, archived)

*rises from dead*
*starts club for the damned*

*dies*
(Experiment 626, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:22, archived)

ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE ICE
COCK OFF YOU COCKING COCKS!
FOR FUCKS FUCKING SAKE JUST FUCK THE FUCK FUCKING FUCKER-WELL OFF!

Sorry.
Carry on.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

*stops
*carries on
(ah sod it tinsels chummily, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:06, archived)

.....
right.

*slowly backs away*
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

*quickly follows*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:11, archived)

*breaks into a run*

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

*breaks into a nun*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:13, archived)

*rapes into a nun*
And on that bombshell, 'ning all.
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

Weirdo.
Ning!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

I outwierded you in an answer
this scares* me




arouses
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

Moggle ne farles
up the hooter-tooter.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

that's better

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:20, archived)

Good.
Panic over.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:22, archived)

you are jeremy clarkson
at the end of top gear every single week.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

*sticks out leg*

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

Here we have wind, rain, snow, sleet,
hail, ice, drifts, glaciers, icebergs and drizzle. And Iron Brew.

/scotsblog
(Small Beer, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

Shurly you mean Irn Bru
/proper-Scots* blog

*is actually one of the ruling over-class up here
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

Original spelling.


/remembers the 70s
(Small Beer, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:22, archived)

*doesn't drink the stuff*
/born in the (late) 70s
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

ICE ICE BABY?
doo doo doo d d doo doo
doo doo doo d d doo doo
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

Bloody hell
I just got a works email about that
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:16, archived)

I just got one from some people
we employ to count stock for us.
FFS.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:18, archived)

In-Car Entertainment?

(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

Only the one?
I've had about a quizillion of the fuckers.

I refuse to do it on principle now. I pay my taxes, and don't see why I should have to make life any easier for these already overpaid and underworked 'body identification' departments.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:22, archived)

Me too.
Over and over and over again.
AND I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING MOBILE FUCKING PHONE.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

I must've missed something.
None of this thread makes any sense.

*dies a little bit*
(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:25, archived)

Well...
Following the disaster in London . . .

East Anglian Ambulance Service have launched a national "In case of
Emergency ( ICE ) " campaign with the support of Falklands war hero Simon
Weston.

The idea is that you store the word " I C E " in your mobile phone address
book, and against it enter the number of the person you would want to be
contacted "In Case of Emergency".

In an emergency situation ambulance and hospital staff will then be able to
quickly find out who your next of kin are and be able to contact them. It's
so simple that everyone can do it. Please do.

Please will you also email this to everybody in your address book, it won't
take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really
could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.

For more than one contact name ICE1, ICE2, ICE3 etc.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:27, archived)

I have found the home of my dreams!
www.rightmove.co.uk/viewdetails-7511297.rsp?pa_n=2&tr_t=buy

its got nothing to do with living in warehouses being the preserve of shadowy, brooding superheroes....
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

The high windows will stop you falling out of them when you're as drunk as a cunt.

( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:06, archived)

and it will enable me to become the smug, fair trade coffee drinking, art displaying, croissant eating
Cunt ive always wanted to be!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

You are Blade
AICM role as aging, haggard supplier of guns, ammo and anti-vampire serum.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:06, archived)

Ooh.
Would it be possible to install a deathslide direct from the bedroom to the drive?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:08, archived)

But it's got everything to do with living in
a warehouse and saying, in a lah-dee-dahh poncey voice when anyone asks, 'Actually, I live in a converted warehouse'

You cunt.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

I shant offer you the other room then
You homeless cunt:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:14, archived)

*bums appreciatively*
I fucking hate estate agents. FUCKING HATE!!


/getting slightly pissed off with Estate Agents blog
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:20, archived)

My aunt and uncle looked at a house in that development when they were looking to downsize

It looked very nice from the details.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:25, archived)

I need a good freebie animation programme
I used to use Jasc Animation shop, but I don't have the CD to install it on my current PC. Anything similar out there for free?

Phatt%% (my new greeting)
(ah sod it tinsels chummily, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:04, archived)

Arse-canoes&^ (my new answer)
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:06, archived)

What was your old one

(ah sod it tinsels chummily, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:09, archived)

fukatooty-winky-blobber*"""£
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:12, archived)

And I still need a recommendation for a good gif animator programme
anyone? anyone? bueller? bueller?
(ah sod it tinsels chummily, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:13, archived)

*cough*
bittorrent*

*obligatory disclaimer saying I do not endorse this course of action in the slightest
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:17, archived)

nah
me neither. I am actually looking for free/share ware.
(ah sod it tinsels chummily, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:27, archived)

the gimp does animations does it not?
or *shudder* microsoft Gif Animator? I have used that in the past
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:29, archived)

hmmm
seems it does. Have d/l'd it so I'll give it a try. thanks
phfatte%%
(ah sod it tinsels chummily, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:45, archived)

I'm officially done with uni!
Second class (type A) honors is complete.
Oh i'm so fecking happy.
(Azzek!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:56, archived)

Well done you.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

Get a job!
[edit] scum!
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:58, archived)

Well done
You can now enter the world of media sales with your head held high!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:59, archived)

Fuck off
get to the pub, it's your duty.

And well done.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:00, archived)

this

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

Well done!
You are now one of millions of people with degrees who will enter the prestigious world of petrol forecourt management!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:00, archived)

The Texaco near me has closed down.
That is all.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

I am in SHOCK, Cotton.

/dodgeball
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

Get your hair cut
nad get in the army.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

*sniggers*

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:06, archived)

d'oh!

( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

You diet of pot noodle is finally over.
Welcome to the real world. Now join some media company as a runner. Fetch me my tea !
(Experiment 626, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:07, archived)

Woo!
Well done you! My graduation ceremony is in a few weeks...
(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:10, archived)

Johnny Catfish
Just spazzed back, didn't read your post earlier.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I wanted twins this time round, glad it's not now though my pelvis can bearly take one let alone two!

You must let us see the scan pics!!!

I insist!

Yay twins!

Going now!
( diffy maybs, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

And with that,
she was gone, taking b3ta/talk's entire supply of exclamation marks with her.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:46, archived)

Gosh%
you're right%
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

bugger$
I've only got this left now$$$
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:49, archived)

Fortunately
I mainly rely on the semi-colon; ponciest of all punctuation.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:54, archived)

...and not for use
by amateu;rs.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:55, archived)

Semi-colons are under-used.
One of the most elegant forms of punctation; look how it linked these two sentences.
(Nothing to see, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:15, archived)

D'ont 'wor'ry
ple"nt'y of; pun:ct!uation fo/r ever(yone)!!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

You know
Putting extra spaces in your posts

makes your post

76% more likely to get you


attention.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:48, archived)

*ignores*

( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:51, archived)

*i

gn




or



es*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

If you'd added just three more spaces i would have read your post..
err...yes.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:52, archived)

He's not the only one
who's always wanted twins....
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:54, archived)

Swedish

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:56, archived)

Or Norwegian.
Or Dutch.
Or Russian.
Or English.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

Male, preferably.

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:03, archived)

Thanks, DM
Once I get my scanner working I'll upload a couple of pictures.

People at work don't seem to have had any trouble spotting what's what on the scan picture - so I think they're pretty clear.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:54, archived)

congrats, don't envy you having twins.
scan pictures are bizarre (april scan and may scan)
We've got another scan tomorrow when we will hopefully find out what it is we are having :)
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:01, archived)

June's piccy is far clearer
I didn't really want to know what we were having (we didn't know for the first one and it added to the excitement) but Mrs Catfish found out that one of them is a boy.

I can't really let her know and not me - so I made her tell me.

I can see your reasons for wanting to know, though.

When's it due?
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:19, archived)

November 27th all being well
but our boys were 10 weeks and 6 weeks early, and our first baby was born and died 16 weeks early.
But like I said up there somehwere, she is getting great care from the hospital and community midwife, so we aren't too worried this time around.
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 11:23, archived)

Ning to you all.
I officially leave secondary school today. There's a big ceremony, and everything! I'm excited.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

I hope that the big ceremony is
in the style of the final scenes of The Wicker Man.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)

More like Eyes Wide Shut
in these posh schools...
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:34, archived)

Wicker Box



/Elmer Fudd
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:36, archived)

I'm hoping for something
more along the lines of Threads.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:41, archived)

Is that the one where someone has to bite through
an umbilical cord?

That's my memory of that film.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:45, archived)

I had a dream last night..
I was on a raft performing a dance routine while being pecked by a load of owls and being watched by lots of people from a ship. Afterwards I got on the ship and they told me I did a good routine...
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

Nosemonkey made the bbc.co.uk site...
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4672195.stm
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:23, archived)

I wish he'd come back here
and love us again...
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

Id rape his dirty mouth

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)

I'm going to buy a house
So choose me one
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

mine
I'll do you a good deal
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)

I have a lowly budget:(

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)

175k
to you sir?
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

I suspect you may take your price and stick it in your bumhole:)

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

I thought it a reasonable offer
:(
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:31, archived)

I will give
you £10.00
( Jobe, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:33, archived)

This
one.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:25, archived)

Here you
go.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:29, archived)

How about
this one

All you'd need is an Olive Oyl and you'd be sorted!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:31, archived)

Buy a big one in Bracknell,
and then we can call it Benykey, and have rampant bummysex all day long.
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)

Oh you wish:)
come live in Oxford!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:35, archived)

Oxford is full of foppish toffs.
In other news, however, fancy a beer in Reading at the weekend?
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:40, archived)

This depends when....

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:44, archived)

is there a difference between
underwear and lingerie?
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)

I wear underwear.
You wear lingerie.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)

'ning you
did the package arrive?
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)

Dunno yet mate...
I left the flat at silly o'clock this morning... Hopefully it will be waiting for me this afternoon when I get back :)
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

should be
I'm still on't sick
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:22, archived)

I have a lingering hangover from last night
which isn't being helped by being in work.

/my-own-stupid-fault-blog
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)

oh dear
www.b3ta.com/talk/632915
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:26, archived)

oh dear
I tend to live on Coca-Cola and Orange juice when that happens.

For some reason teh Coke settles my tummy.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:28, archived)

flat coke is good

( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:32, archived)

Hahaha

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

he knows me so well

( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

Underwear is functional.
Lingerie gives you the fackin orn.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)

Underwear comes in multipacks
Lingerie gets it's own hanger.

At least, it does in La Senza...
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

I fart in my underwear
and the smell is lingerie.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

I'm going in to town
shortly to do some shopping. Anybody want to add to my list.

1) Calpol
2) Golf Balls
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)

A mashie niblick
and a handicap.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)

A have a spare
baffing spoon if you so require one.
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)

a set of garden
furniture.
( Jobe, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)

a small aubergine

( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:19, archived)

Pig's nipples
Olive Oil action figure
Pig's vaginas
A kettle
Pig's anus's's's's's
And a fish of your choosing.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

The office little Hitler
has come in with her hair in pigtails.
What's that all about?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)

She wants you
to do her in the dirty.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:50, archived)

She's out of luck.
She has Wednesday legs.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:51, archived)

What,if I may be
so bold as to enquire, are Wednesday legs?
( Jobe, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:52, archived)

As in
"Wednesday gonna break?"
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:54, archived)

*snort*

( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:01, archived)

My mum said
they suited me.
( Jobe, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:51, archived)

Is your mum a dirty paedo?

( hoifbjifbef, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:52, archived)

Yes.
No.
Maybe.
( Jobe, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:55, archived)

she has a heidi fantasy
she likes goats
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:52, archived)

I think she thinks she looks cute.
She does not look cute.
She looks like a sour faced, thin lipped little Hitler trying to look cute and failing.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:55, archived)

Those are the best flavour to get drunk at the office xmas party
And then get them to shag the secretarial pool.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:54, archived)

I suspect hers has healed over.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:57, archived)

Use a toffee hammer.
I'm never without one. Very useful for biddies.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:59, archived)

Pfffft!

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:04, archived)

Them's not pigtails
Them's fuckreins.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:54, archived)

Pffft.
I like that.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:55, archived)

when i first heard that word
it made me seriously reconsider my hairstyle.
( halus - no, not hello! my arm. it's in a loom!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:57, archived)

'ning you
check your in box :)
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:01, archived)

i already replied already.
what a nice surprise.
( halus - no, not hello! my arm. it's in a loom!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:04, archived)

yeah I forgot about that one
:0

edit/pfft you can never tease me too much
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:05, archived)

What's your hairstyle?
And where did you first hear that word?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:02, archived)

best described as sonic the hedgehog with fuckreins.
the first link in my profile shows it ok.
i first heard it here at the lovely talk board.
( halus - no, not hello! my arm. it's in a loom!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:08, archived)

I shall have a look
it's a translation of a Dutch word. I feel proud to be partaking in such cultural enrichment of the English tongue.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)

Nice.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:18, archived)

This
*put off by thought of quills*
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:20, archived)

'ning
Just wanted to share this with the group.
Sorry if it's GC.
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:43, archived)

Haha
Ning! I dreamed I met you at a bash. Very odd.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:46, archived)

I was about to post about my dream too.
'Twas weeeeeird.
( hoifbjifbef, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:48, archived)

Is the glistening in your username my residue?

( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)

Very nearly
you had a big moustache and a Scottish accent, and there was some bloke in a wheelchair acting like a twat.

/dull dream blog
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:51, archived)

JOEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:52, archived)

Well, my moustache is not big, and my accent is not Scottish
but apart from that you had me down to a tee :)
in other news I am considering chopping the old chin whiskers off as I hate this heat and not being able to blow up my face to cool me down, it all gets stuck in the hair :(
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:56, archived)

Blowing up your face?
You work on the London Underground AICMFP
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:59, archived)

... of plastic explosives
I believe you dropped &uarr off the end of your post :)
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:03, archived)

I had a strange dream last night
nearly every b3tan had texted me orders for sndwiches, mostly complicated mixes of stuff, I'wandered round various shops for ages getting more confused, finally I found a Greggs shop and decided fuck it they're all getting pies
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)

I'd be happy with a pie.

( hoifbjifbef, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)

Dont get Greggs down here...
Most odd
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:50, archived)

I do remember getting you
a cheese and onion pasty
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:50, archived)

I want a bacon and marmite sandwich with thick cut white bread.
And salad cream.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:50, archived)

Note to self:
If you want a pie, text Dill a complicated sandwich order.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:51, archived)

pfft
:)
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:51, archived)

Pies!
Yaaaaay!

*pulls shirt over face and does airplane-thing*
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:52, archived)

Morning Mike

That's goooood. A bit like a script version of those 30 second blockbusters with the rabbits.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:49, archived)

ooo, forgotten about those
any new ones recently? or linky?
and 'ning
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:54, archived)

www.angryalien.com
I think.
( hoifbjifbef, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:55, archived)

cheers
shame I have no work at sound :(
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:57, archived)

I did post a link - but to the other JM post

Cheers
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:59, archived)

thank you
rescued from the netherworld
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 10:02, archived)

Good Morning.
I have only 10,000 more pages to read, then I'm done.

Hooray.
(kunti lala if we can't be free can we at least be cheap., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)

And then you'll have read all teh interweb?

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)

He gets caught and goes to prison,
Elina marries Lobachevskii, the brothers Shishkin join the army and and killed at Austerlitz, the monkey is actually a foreign agent in disguise and Grigori discovers that Svetlana is a man on their wedding night.

/spoiler
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:44, archived)

Tahts very funny.
And very clever too, I havent read that,
and now I dont need to.
(kunti lala if we can't be free can we at least be cheap., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:50, archived)

A man keeps three chickens in a perfectly square patch of ground.
The first chicken weighs half the weight of the second chicken. The third chicken weighs the same as the first two chickens added together.
The ground is equal parts sand and grass and for half the day it sits in the shadow of the house.
The house is the same distance from the chickens in meters as their combined weight in kilograms.
The sun travels horizontally across the sky at a distance of three meters from the horizon.
The first chicken appears to be the same size as the house when the house is one kilometer away.
The man weighs each of his chickens on a different set of scales.
The first chicken is weighed on the green scales although the chicken is blue.
If the orange scales show a weight of forty-two kilograms, and the house is in Sicily, what is the terminal velocity in air of an average nun?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:31, archived)

Miles per hour,
metres per second, or as a fraction of the speed of light in a vacuum?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)

Yes.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:36, archived)

The answer is
Several
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/632934
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:42, archived)

42

(teasus likes tea, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)

2

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)

NUN KEBABS!!!
*gets the party started*
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)

for some reason I saw
get the pastry started
delirious
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:36, archived)

This is the correct answer.
I would also have accepted "Lima".
Well done you.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:37, archived)

A friend of mine
from two doors up just knocked on my door and asked if I still had her spare key as she was locked out. Her eldest son (18) was still in bed and would not answer the door. She let herself in and caught him wanking to intercock porn.
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:29, archived)

Ha!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:32, archived)

I trust she had the appropriate beverage to hand
and didn't alert her son to her presence?

Oh. And Pffffft!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)

It was the first time
I have ever actually heard of someone being properly caught wanking that is verifiable. He has just got in his car and driven off a bit sharpish.
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:35, archived)

You dropped these headphones sir

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:35, archived)

*hands over ice cream from silent ice cream van*

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:37, archived)

intercock porn?
When I was 18 I had to make do with a slightly soiled razzle found in a hedge.
the youth today, don't know they're born
(random lurker 's procrastination society: "100years Motto Free", Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:35, archived)

have you noticed since the interweb
there's not as many pron mags in hedges these days
News shock "interweb helps litter control"
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)

that made me splurt tea

(teasus likes tea, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:39, archived)

but tis true

( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:44, archived)

Soiled Razzle? Luxury...

I had to make do with the Freemans catalogue and a vague grasp of the female anatomy...
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)

Gratton for me
and a copy of Emmanuelle found in my step-dads office

'ning all
( just mike, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)

national geographic
here
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:43, archived)

I hope it was
fat tranny pensioner porn.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:39, archived)

I'm gonna stomp my feet and hold my breath til I turn blue
posted at least 3 this morn and not even a 'ning ! you heartless bastards ,and me in a state of dire sickness as well
sick and pissed off blog
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:29, archived)

Would it help
if we gave you a hug? Or would you like a cup of tea?
( Jobe, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:30, archived)

can only drink water at the mo
but hugs are good
:(
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:30, archived)

You need
cigarettes then, or maybe a cigar and warm milk.
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:31, archived)

That'll teach you
to guzzle spunk then.

And good evening to you.
( DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:30, archived)

can't even keep spunk down
:(
note to self/ before switching on big new fan in study, secure all paperwork and close window
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:32, archived)

'NING DILL

/hungover and self absorbed shame
( Dekazer, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:31, archived)

ning you
enjoy last night?
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)

Muchly thanks :D
I must now leave my nice cool office and go to a social work office that resembles fort knox and spend my day in an overheated cupboard.

And somehow I have to get out of the driving too.

See you later dear, and see you later all xx
( Dekazer, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:37, archived)

bye
misses dekazer already
( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:38, archived)

Latahs!

Happy social working...
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:41, archived)

You mean you didnt get sufficent ego boosting attention?
Bless:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:31, archived)

this

( Dill, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:33, archived)

NINGNINGNIGNIGNGIGNINIGGGGNGGGGNINNGGG.
I love you.
Mwah!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 9:34, archived)