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# newsletter subjectline compo
we need a designer
for a pithy one liner
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:38, archived)
# does not contain crossbows or cannibalism
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, archived)
# Mmmm. Prostitute.
Salty.
(I helped save b3ta! Halibut If you think education is expensive, try crack., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:53, archived)
# pre-seasoned
*boke*
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:55, archived)
# _____________________
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, archived)
# spilling into your inbox like oil into a seagull's gut
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, archived)
# BA brought down by sandwich trolley
Polar Bears rejoice
(Smelch God says I'm a Pirate now. Yarr!, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, archived)
# what could be finer..
(I helped save b3ta! The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:40, archived)
# introducing you to the Duke, for less than the price of a cup of tea
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:40, archived)
# b3ta privacy settings updated.
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:41, archived)
# ^
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# HELLO
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:41, archived)
# SelenaSexyPants123 is now following you on Twitter
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, archived)
# haha
you too?
join up to see my private pics
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# The whore!
I thought I was her only one.....
(I helped save b3ta! The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, archived)
# ;0)
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, archived)
# wondering where all the witty lurkers are
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, archived)
# The Newsletter's late, So sue me. See if I care.
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:43, archived)
# where the feck is everyone?
I'm even talking to myself on Twitter!

;)


yes, I know I have no friends
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# your fake account is talking to my fake account
will our real personalities never meet!
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, archived)
# Specially not with the great geographical divide.
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:51, archived)
# *looks wistfully to the north*
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:53, archived)
# *gazes Pontoon-like Southwards*
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:54, archived)
# *laughs like an idiot*
hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:56, archived)
# I'm here
but I've got nothing to say at the moment

exceopt this

and that
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:54, archived)
# I'll contact my local suing circle
(I helped save b3ta! The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# b3taVille Coming Soon!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# Champion the Wonder Hose: why you should recommend revolutionary new irrigation product
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# *giggle of the week award*
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, archived)
# It's just a big iPhone for fuck's sake!
(Sartori is moving to Canada, eh?, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# but you can carry more biscuits on it
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, archived)
# I carry mine...
...in my tummy.

In other news, I have four (4) proper large cakes on my desk. The remains of them, anyway!
(Sartori is moving to Canada, eh?, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, archived)
# pfft
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, archived)
#
just not even
(I helped save b3ta! Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, archived)
# which is kind of the point I guess
I read newspapers / listen to podcasts a lot on my phone and a bigger one does sort of make sense. A media consuming device rather than laptop which is more for doing. Maybe. Not buying one at the moment anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, archived)
# Does a bigger one help you listen better?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:49, archived)
# You're an interweb celebrety, been on the tellybox and everything.
Why hasn't anyone approached you offering you one for a fawning positive review?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, archived)
# I saw that!
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:09, archived)
# Ahahah, score!
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:10, archived)
# Pffft
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:10, archived)
# Sounds like a great Commuting While away the time device
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, archived)
# Won't you get a free one anyway?
what with you being a multimedia pioneer
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, archived)
# I wish
the last thing I was given free for a newsletter mention as a bean bag about 3 years ago
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:55, archived)
# Phone up Apple's PR and try to blag one.
If you're brazen and cheeky enough you might get lucky.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:59, archived)
# ^this^
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:04, archived)
# I honestly think it could work.
The newsletter has... how many thousand readers? Tell them you'll make a youtube video testing it out, and bung on the fp and in the newsletter.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:07, archived)
# would you like a reach around?
(waxdart hello., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:59, archived)
# Feel like a midget with an iphone
get an ipad.
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:54, archived)
# I'd love one as a replacement for magazines
the html5 demo of Sports Illustrated is awesome.
that sort of thing running on the shiny slate on niceness (or one of the cheaper competitors following) is almost like the future we were promised ages ago
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:58, archived)
# *wears silver toga*
*eats food pill*

Mmm, roast beef and yorkshire pud.

(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:01, archived)
# the battery doesn't run out 10 minutes into your journey with a magazine

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:16, archived)
# I'm surprised there hasn't been more of you geeks
bashing or bashing one out over the iPad today
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:14, archived)
# You fuckers don't even read this bit anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, archived)
# :-)
His most masculin attribute was his birth certificate
(I helped save b3ta! The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, archived)
# the one you read while pretending it's the Waitrose newsletter #MiddleClassnightmares
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, archived)
# Wanking off to Sex and the City 2
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, archived)
# Sorry the newsletter is late.
(mrmatt is staging a 'dirty protest' on, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, archived)
# Check out England v Mexico highlights and watch some classic World Cup action from Pele
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, archived)
# Happy The Pubs-Are-Empty-Of-Gays Eve
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, archived)
# OH GOD NOT THE WORLD CUP
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, archived)
# print out and stick to cardboard
for maximum iPad simulation
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, archived)
# HURRAH IT'S THE WORLD CUP
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, archived)
# Baa weep granah weep ninni bong!
(Mr._Pickles, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:48, archived)
# YOU JUST MISSED THE WORLD CUP. SPAIN WON.
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:49, archived)
# MY COCK'S HANGING OUT, AND THERE'S SPUNK ALL OVER MY TROUSERS
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:49, archived)
# not now Barbie
we're trying to think of Newsletter subject lines
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:51, archived)
# Oh God
*giggles self off chair*
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:54, archived)
# THE B3TA NEWSLETTER #430
Done.
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:56, archived)
# NEWS-LETTER, NEWS-LETTER
NA NA NA, NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, archived)
# jamming up your leaky inbox
like a bp cement injection
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, archived)
# TOP KILL!
how over the top is that name?
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:52, archived)
# I imagine all the bp engineers stood around in mirrored raybans staring at radar screens while it happened
then whooped, high five'd and communal showered straight after
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:54, archived)
# hahaha
Top Kill with Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer

I feel the need, the need for greed
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:59, archived)
# Oil's well that ends well
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:51, archived)
# FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAMSTER
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:53, archived)
# If you get the McCann's "How to get rid of troublesome children while on holiday" DVD, please ensure you watch BOTH discs
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:54, archived)
# hahaha!!
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:55, archived)
# win.
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:55, archived)
# Ha ha ha!
McCann jokes never seem to get old.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:03, archived)
# JUST LIEK MADDIE :(
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:04, archived)
# iBeenmugged
(waxdart hello., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:55, archived)
# Fergie sells access to Rob for 50p
(waxdart hello., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:56, archived)
# I'm backing the Uk to win the Eurovision. Such a class entry. Success is coming our way.
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:57, archived)
# are we in it this year?
I haven't heard owt, is it someone famous or the usual utter plank?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:59, archived)
# The latter.
Written by 2/3 of Stock Aitken and Waterman, Sung by Joe McXfactor wannabe - utter, utter dross.
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:01, archived)
# Mike Stock's autobiography is unintentionally
very funny.

He refers to gangsta rappers as "black rappers" throughout.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:05, archived)
# :D
I'm assuming the non-gangster original variety is that sung by artistes such as PJ and Duncan and The Reynolds Girls
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:06, archived)
# He's really bitter about rap
not being "proper music", and then has the most stereotyped ideas about what rap actually is.

At no point does he realise how lucky he is to have taken so little so far.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:09, archived)
# how and why do you know that?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:05, archived)
# erm
blame Nibus. Yes, Nibus told me.

He did actually.
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:08, archived)
# Stock, Aitken and Waterboarding
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:13, archived)
# It's really shite
I don't know why we don't get someone who writes decent pop songs to enter it, such as Cathy Dennis or Richard X.

(I found this amazing use for our entry from a few years back: www.youtube.com/watch?v=77iDIp40m9E)
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:04, archived)
# Oh thanks
I'd forgotten all about that monstrosity

:)

(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:08, archived)
# I quite like it.
The Cuban Boys / Spray (its writers) are always enjoyably silly.

They also did this work of brilliance (from the newsletter a while back) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFM140rju4k
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:12, archived)
# Crossbow Cannibal fails criminology coursework.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:58, archived)
# to be fair, the practical was quite extreme this year
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:00, archived)
# Ha ha!
What is it with serial killers and Bradford? It must be something in the water. Oh yeah, bits of prostitute.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:09, archived)
# Sorry for lack of Newsletter Title. We just couldn't think of anything. Neither could the /boarders. Sorry. Ooh have you seenmy shiny new iPad?
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:59, archived)
# SERIAL KILLER NAMING COMPETITION! - SEE PAGE 94
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:59, archived)
# New list of lurkers.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:00, archived)
# Social Misfit? Meet likeminded people in your local Apple Store today.
(I helped save b3ta! bennyhillslovechild, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:01, archived)
# WORLD WAR II BOMBER FOUND ON THE MOON
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:02, archived)
# UP YOURS DELORS!
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:02, archived)
# STICK IT UP YOUR JUNTA
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:04, archived)
# FREE PORN INSIDE
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:05, archived)
# Why don't you try it?
FOR MURDER! (of 3 prostitutes)
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Fri 28 May 2010, 15:05, archived)
# Breaking News:
Jeremy Clarkson spotted driving around Bradford in a lorry cab.
(I helped save b3ta! joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:06, archived)
# Delivered safely to your inbox by a Cornish postman
(I helped save b3ta! superstoater is so mauve, you don't know what he's planning, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:07, archived)
# if you bring it to my barbecue I'll use it as a chopping board
(I helped save b3ta! twig Save 6 Music, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:07, archived)
# my other front door is a ferrari
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:08, archived)
# FLASH CONTENT NOT AVAILABLE TO iPAD USERS
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:10, archived)
# Hahaha! ^This.
So very much this.
(I helped save b3ta! bennyhillslovechild, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:14, archived)
# May contain nuts
(rustymail resourcing sauces since:, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:15, archived)
# Thank you for registering with grannyquim.com please click the link to activate your account
(I helped save b3ta! bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Fri 28 May 2010, 15:16, archived)