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# fuck me I'm shaking - just had an intruder in my house
He came in through the kitchen window and I disturbed him from shouting, 'who's that?' from another room and he left via the frontdoor.

Phoned police and wife. Now waiting for them. Argh. Not nice.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:08, archived)
# Bastard!
(Londingham ., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:08, archived)
# I agree!
Threadwasting like that!

Seriously though, I'm glad you're not hurt & I'm angry at the intruder.

Although my response could have been expected, being on b3ta and all.

(I helped save b3ta! Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:17, archived)
# Your response?
You have multiple accounts so you can vote for yourself in the image challenge?
(I helped save b3ta! Ptolemy the man with the silent pea, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:25, archived)
# Oi! You!
I've been trying to catch you all day.
Are you still interested in going to see Deerhoof?
(I helped save b3ta! tipassoi, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:27, archived)
# argh! Hello!
yes and talk to you soon x
(I helped save b3ta! Ptolemy the man with the silent pea, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 18:02, archived)
# msn me when you get the chance
and I'll order tickets
(I helped save b3ta! tipassoi, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 18:09, archived)
# Oooh!
*hugs*

You ok Fuhrer?
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:09, archived)
# Just give your your butler a key
Then he wont have to sneek about

Edit:Happened when I was a nipper, mum comes upstairs and says theres a bloke in the kitchen, me and 3 mates say "yeah right", all toddle downstairs and find a bloke going throuhg mates jacket pockets. I slept with a machete under my bed for 6 months
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:09, archived)
# It's probably a stalker
from this site
(I helped save b3ta! Strawberry Dragon, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:10, archived)
# got mobile internet?
;)
(I helped save b3ta! spacehog, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# DTH
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# crikey!
was he annoyed about the voting system on the image challenges?
(I helped save b3ta! mrlogic is copying your beard, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:10, archived)
# hehe
(Londingham ., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:10, archived)
# Pfft!
This^^^^
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:10, archived)
# well it's a step up from the normal moaning emails going
"I didn't like the comment made by Fred in Dec 2003"
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# ha ha!
(I helped save b3ta! Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# cunt
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:10, archived)
# what a nasty fucker
glad you're all ok
(I helped save b3ta! spacehog, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:10, archived)
# bloody 'ell
hope they kneecap the bastard
(I helped save b3ta! Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:10, archived)
# Ouch
happened to a friend of mine the other week
(I helped save b3ta! Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# shouldn't laugh
did you put your gruff voice on
or did it escape all girly like...?
(I helped save b3ta! Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# I wasn't scared until it was over - it was too quick
it was over in about 10 seconds. Now I feel like shit and want my missus to come home.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:12, archived)
# He wont come back
I bet he's probably sh'ttin' himself as we speak.
(CaptainSpaulding is the leader of the lost cause., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:13, archived)
# as long as no one starts a
Rob Rob's house band wagon....!
(I helped save b3ta! Ironman tetsuo Back once again with the renegade mastah!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:16, archived)
# nah
The second person'll come through the door and rob can shout "Glasscock!" at them
(I helped save b3ta! The Coast Of Yemen, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:19, archived)
# that would scare anyone away
or he could hit them with a glasscock.
(I helped save b3ta! Arathkone formerly naD. Been away awhile., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:22, archived)
# haha
(I helped save b3ta! mrlogic is copying your beard, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:12, archived)
# scary
*hides stripy jumper and swag bag*


we demand a picture of the event, like the pigeon piss thing
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Strange Now Fully ISO 3103 Compliant!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# Christ
thats why I keep a nice blunt objects in various rooms. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Arathkone formerly naD. Been away awhile., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:11, archived)
# Large Maglight by the side of the bed?
Result.
(I helped save b3ta! chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:12, archived)
# actually an old baseball bat under the bed!
piece of wood under a sofa. etc
(I helped save b3ta! Arathkone formerly naD. Been away awhile., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:15, archived)
# Arse-wipe.
Hope you are ok. Scum like that make me sick.
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:12, archived)
# Crapolla!
You see.. this is why I wear a longsword when I'm in the house!

Hope they catch the knobturd!!

edit: BTW I'm not joking about the sword
(eight, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:12, archived)
# Protected by a silver spoon?

that's terrible. In the middle of the day too, wow!~
(I helped save b3ta! M3Essential and The Essentials. LIVE!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:12, archived)
# it's dark here
british winter time
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:13, archived)
# Hahaha.
Beat me to it.
(I helped save b3ta! Curis, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:16, archived)
# fucking hell

avoids obligatory b3ta.com/talk gag
(I helped save b3ta! Mr Gimpson Wolfguts, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:13, archived)
# Sorry to hear that :(
Fecking scary... hope he didn't manage to nick anything. At least it sounds like you scared him off, so hopefully he won't be back...
(Space Strawberry in 3D, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:13, archived)
# check your kitchen for hats
and kittens
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:13, archived)
# .
have the police turned up yet?
(newfangle, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:13, archived)
# HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Londingham ., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:14, archived)
# pfffft!
kitten, biscuit, etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:20, archived)
# thursday week, i would imagine.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:20, archived)
# happened to my bro-in-law
he was asleep on the sofa one afternoon and some dude jumped through the window grabbed his phone and wallet and then jumped out the window, cheeky cunt.

get yourself a big stick or get out of the capital.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:18, archived)
# *or live on the 3rd floor
(Londingham ., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:19, archived)
# yes
mind you there was a basement flat below him and the bugler would have had to have jumped from the front steps to a window ledge with the posibility of an 8-10 foot drop, so fair do's he had a bit of a task to get in.

it was in islington and re-inforced why i will never move back to london.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:24, archived)
# ERRM
Talk board?

Only joking. Do you live in London? Police should be there by Thursday.
(I helped save b3ta! Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:18, archived)
# Maybe he was bringing your laptop back,


and you scared him off.


(I helped save b3ta! Evil Prof. Pixel Masher I made this!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:19, archived)
# HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
^this^

but seriously, bastard! hope you're alright.
(I helped save b3ta! Damien's Hearse, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:21, archived)
# We had the bastards in while I was in bed

I made this as tribute
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:20, archived)
# Yes!
(I helped save b3ta! Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:21, archived)
#
(Londingham ., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:21, archived)
# you stupid twat
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:23, archived)
# bloody hell
that's awful.
(I helped save b3ta! brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:20, archived)
# This is what trap doors were invented for.
Glad you're alright. That's quite disturbing. Damn!

Get that contractor out immediately. Install a trap door. Next time, it's into the dungeon with him.
(I helped save b3ta! cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:20, archived)
# "Who's that?"
Is that the best you could do?

No, seriously, glad you are all ok. I doubt very much I'll he'll be back.
(I helped save b3ta! Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:21, archived)
# jeez, still you're okay and they didn't take the computer!
lock everything and cower, that's what i'd do in that situation
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:25, archived)
# Tch.
What we all need is a little more respec'

(hope you is ok)
(glad he wasn't a bottom bandit)
(sorry I've been keeping the police so busy down at Parliament Square)
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:26, archived)
# This is why I own a baseball bat.
I actually bought it to play baseball with, but nobody else wants to.
(I helped save b3ta! Mystery_Bob, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:28, archived)
# good idea


no fuckers gonna carjack me!
(I helped save b3ta! M3Essential and The Essentials. LIVE!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:31, archived)
# Fucking Hell!
(I helped save b3ta! The Coast Of Yemen, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:34, archived)
# If that is actually your car, you deserve a medal.



Failing that, you could beat someone for one.
(I helped save b3ta! Evil Prof. Pixel Masher I made this!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:34, archived)
# To be honest,
If that really is his car then he should be removed from society.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:35, archived)
# ^
(I helped save b3ta! M3Essential and The Essentials. LIVE!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:36, archived)
# you sir
are both ace and scary
(I helped save b3ta! hmmm cheese, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:35, archived)
#
not much use inside the car - not enough swinging space
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:52, archived)
# a nice soliD poke to the head, the hop out the car and start smashing
SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!
(I helped save b3ta! M3Essential and The Essentials. LIVE!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:54, archived)
# dem Burglars
My brother was robbed around 5pm, and the police said that it was a common time in the winter for robberies.

People aren't home from work yet, but it is nice and dark for skulduggery.


Talk softly, and carry a big stick (T. Roosevelt)
(Flappers, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:33, archived)
# just wrote up what happened for a friend - here it is if you are interested
I just disturbed an intruder in the house.

It was scary and over very quickly.

At about 4.55 I heard some noise upstairs and shouted, "who's that?"

I heard them coming down the stairs. I half thought it was my wife and didn't know she was in. So I continued shouting, "who's that?"

So I come out my room as a bloke is at the bottom of the stairs.

I see the back of head, he's in a black hoody. I can't see his face, but his frame looks young, maybe 15 or so.

"What the fuck are you doing mate?" I shout, following him, with his back towards me.

He exits out the frontdoor, quickly but not running, and I open it maybe 2 or 3 seconds behind him and he's gone.

I briefly consider chasing, and then remember I'm a complete wimp and anyway getting stabbed is hardly worth it.

So I go upstairs and think, "what has he nicked?"

And from the look of it, nothing. But the kitchen window is wide open.

Quite an athletic little fucker, the only way through the window is via an adjacent first floor patio. So he's have to climb a wall, and then balance on a railing to enter the window sideways.

Come back downstairs and google, "Kentish Town Police" coz like a good little idiot I remember you shouldn't call 999 except in an emergency. Well, the guy is gone, so it doesn't feel like an emergency. So I get through to the local station and they tell me to call 999.

So I call 999. Mobile phones obviously have something special set up for this that I didn't know about as the screen says, "attempting to dial emergency number" or something.

Speak to the police for what seems like ages. Maybe 10 mins describing all what I've typed here. They say they'll send some guys round.

So I wait. I post on the board that I've had an intruder.

Police turn up and say, "Oh those emergcy people. They keep you on the phone too long."

Police basically say there's fuck all they can do but suggest putting YET MORE locks in the house.

Anyway. To conclude here's my lessons of the day.

* Phone 999 immediately.
* Ask the emergency services to send someone round and don't rabbit to them for ages.
* Pikey little toe-rags who break into my house are going to get me reading the Daily Mail going, "yes! I know!"
* I don't like intruders in the house. It's frightening.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:51, archived)
# Mobile phones let you dial 999 and 112 when the keypad is locked
well mine lets me dail 911 which is usless as I'm not in america.

Bloody creepy having someone sneaking about your house, at least they haven't taken anything
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:59, archived)
# you can call them from any phone even without a sim
and if the network is at full capacity, someone will get booted off to make room for your call

/factoid
(GoldenFanjita whistle posse blow! horns crew i can't hear you!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 18:22, archived)
# nasty
my girlfriend had her mum visiting and space being limited due to it being a flat share they had to sleep in the same bed. she went out on the lash came home late and got into bed, at about 3am a burglar opened her bedroom window, her mum woke and screamed, the guy legged it, my girlfriend woke up and hurledall over her mum. class.
(I helped save b3ta! harryfreeze Ignore, Hide, I like this!, Reply, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 17:52, archived)
# When I was a baby
someone tried the front door one evening when my mother was home alone with me.

My father returned to find her balancing me on one knee and a shotgun on the other.

edit: and this is gracielou, which makes the above statement slightly more legal
(I helped save b3ta! Mystery_Bob, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 18:15, archived)
# bloody spammers


glad nowt bad happened though ;)
(GoldenFanjita whistle posse blow! horns crew i can't hear you!, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 18:18, archived)
# hey
the same thing happened to mark llamarfarmer t'other day.

just a random fact there for you. that ones free.

p.s. hope the bastard didn't nick anything.
(whatsinaname, Tue 10 Jan 2006, 18:21, archived)
# Maybe he was returning your laptop
(I helped save b3ta! Foxglove -- it all ends in tears anyway..., Tue 10 Jan 2006, 18:38, archived)