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FAO: Fishbear

if your out there can you pop into messenger or email me, can be done via my website in my profile

(

raw-edge, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:59, archived)

more bollocks from the b3ta inbox

> From: "Kerry-Lee Rowe"
>
> I am very disappointed to see that after having a
> yahoo email open for so long and joining your site
> that I get porn from other sites. Thanks for
> passing
> my email address on, remove me now...although I fear
> that the damage has been done and it is too late.
>
> VERY VERY DISAPPOINTED.

From: "Rob Manuel"

You are wrong.

We have given your email address to no one.

We have sold it to no one.

We have absolutely no idea of what you are talking about.

> From: "Kerry-Lee Rowe"

> Hi, I work for a customer service place myself, and I
> was very disappointed with your email. Sure, perhaps,
> mine was not that nice, but like I said, it sure was
> odd that I never got porn on my email before and after
> subscribing to you I did. When you are in a business,
> you have to be nice to your customers no matter what.
> Well that is what I learnt at work anyway. I would
> never think of treating a customer like a doormat
> EVER, so don't wipe your feet on me!

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

How is she a customer?

And what sort of a name is Kerry-Lee?
[edit] Oh BTW Rob, I thought the wheelchair thing was fine and funny, and I am Knee-jerk Reaction Boy, so you shouldn't have to worry about it offending.

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:59, archived)

an american

one....

'I shore aim disappointed...'

(Amerella, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:03, archived)

i wonder if she happened

to piss anyone off the in same week with a bit of websavy

(doktored, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:05, archived)

idea for a crap superhero

"The Amazing Asdventures Of Knee-Jerk Reaction Boy!"
follow the adventures of knee-jerk reaction boy as he flies around the city going "thats just awful" and "i hope you rot in hell you bastard".

(

mikeisbrill, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:20, archived)

Woo!

I like the way you think sir...
*plots and schemes, fires up flash*

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:23, archived)

and his nemesis could be

Lord Offensive, who reacts with things like "oh come on, he's a spastic, its FUNNY"

(

mikeisbrill, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:26, archived)

hehehe

It would be much better than those bloody marvel superhero comics.

(

Craymen, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:42, archived)

brilliant

the idea gives you permission to do loads of spaz jokes whilst pretending to be making a social comment.

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:42, archived)

perhaps she should

get a hotmail account if she doesn't want spam...

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:59, archived)

then again

hotmail accounts come with tonnes of the stuff anyway.

(

youknowyouloveit, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:03, archived)

Irony?

Perhaps?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:19, archived)

oh yeah

hehe :/

(

youknowyouloveit, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:23, archived)

Customers?

What are you selling? Silly bint.

(

adverse_camber, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:00, archived)

she is a real sweetie aint she

send round the ninjas

(doktored, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:01, archived)

I am very disappointed

at the lack of porn in my inbox after signing up to the newsletter, actually I'm more disappointed about the lack of newsletters :(

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:01, archived)

Same here

on both counts.

(Wallz, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:11, archived)

dunno

I write them, and post them on yahoo groups. No idea why you don't get them.

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:12, archived)

I think

it's because god hates me.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:15, archived)

probably

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:17, archived)

you make

a grown man cry

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:27, archived)

Data Protection Act?

(Feds, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:02, archived)

and did you rob?

did you wipe your feet on this woman?
did you?

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:03, archived)

Where's my porn?

C'mon. I AM a customer, I gave you money.

(

Craymen, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:07, archived)

Here's your porn

at Mikes Porn Shack.

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:09, archived)

my name is just fucking synonymous with perversion, isn't it?

i feel sordid and used.

edit - okay, i've looked at that site now and it is very funny. i feel less sordid.

(

mikeisbrill, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:15, archived)

Fucking slag!!!!!

Give me her e-mail address and I'll give her something to fucking whine about.

(

routine has perfected burgers, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:54, archived)

Hrm...

(Glis, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

Bah...

Seen that someone did the same thing further down the page. C'est la vie

(Glis, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:10, archived)

i like it

i want one.

(

mikeisbrill, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:18, archived)

Can anyone recommend me

some particularly good "urban legend" sites for debunking internet hoaxes? I just got the "progesterex" email again from a v. scared female friend.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:56, archived)

qwerty

www.snopes2.com ?

(qwerty, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

snap

(Wallz, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:58, archived)

que?

? ? ?
(or am i being thick?)

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

it's a really nasty email I've had a couple of times now,

basically it describes a nasty gang rape then goes on to say that the rapists used "progesterex" to render the victim sterilised for life so that they couldn't be identified in a paternity case later.
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice...

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:03, archived)

And utter utter

bullshit, in case anyone is wondering.

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:05, archived)

bugger

I've just ordered a boxful.

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:08, archived)

oops, sorry,

should've mentioned that bit, shouldn't I...

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:21, archived)

Progesterix

you say? Does it work? Can I have some?

(

Wifey, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:12, archived)

Remember, kids,

Progesterex is a made-up drug.

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:15, archived)

bollocks.

(

Wifey, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:17, archived)

Progesterex?

Was that the Druid one of the fishmonger?

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:26, archived)

This is good

Tells is true or not and then tells you why

http://www.snopes2.com/

(Wallz, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

here's one:-

http://www.snopes.com

(

Watty, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

This is the best one I know of

http://www.snopes2.com/

(

adverse_camber, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:59, archived)

snopes2! I've got it!

...thank you all very much!!

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:59, archived)

say it once again

just to make sure.

(

Craymen, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

timespazzing

I was wondering if the www.realultimatepower.net creator was a boardmember??? anyone know

(doktored, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:55, archived)

Not as good as

the original Ninja Pizza delivery mob, who I can't find anymore.. but hey how about Ninja Lawn care

(

chimpy, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

Fuck knows

but the music is fantastic!

(

ramirez brr..., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:05, archived)

Yes...

but can't remember who, possibly Hugo.

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:28, archived)

(qwerty, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:50, archived)

urgh

uncle sam and colonel sanders are in it together... they fuck your head up and screw your insides

(doktored, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:52, archived)

hmmm...

You suggesting some kind of 'spitroast' arrangement? cos if you are, that's sick! ;)

(qwerty, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:54, archived)

can anyone think of a character

that might actually like that?

maybe maggie thatcher?

(doktored, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

/coat

(

youknowyouloveit, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:58, archived)

they knew all along...

(djmothra, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:45, archived)

Rob ....Quick Question

Is the birthday bash still happening on the 5th and any idea where.

Just so us Geordie lads can book our train tickets and hotel.

(

DontHaveAClue, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:45, archived)

Final one, I promise

(sasquatch, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

thats great

(

youknowyouloveit, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:47, archived)

mwahahahaha!!!!

sweeet!

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:56, archived)

why did I do this? Am I going to hell? It isn't even funny. sorry.

(I'm ashamed)

(

pickledpizza Older, nicer, fluffier., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:42, archived)

That's very mean,

but it made me laugh muchly.
I'll see you down there...

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:44, archived)

hehehehehe

hehe.
right on my sense o'humour, that.

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:48, archived)

it made me

titter. So, see you in the depths of hell indeed :) Well done !

(JBoom, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:47, archived)

Laughed out loud

Didn't want to but By Jiminy that's funny

(

adverse_camber, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:49, archived)

more from the b3ta mailbag ...

here's this idea i've had for ages. maybe you have the skills to make my dream a reality.
The Sting Pole
imagine a kind of Heironymous Bosch-esque vision of hell, at the black filthy stinking cesspool eternal brimsone and treacled bottom of which...STING! on his back. and from there to infinity his erect member reaches up into the dark netherlands of whomever one chooses to drag mousewards and tantrically torture for eternity, like a writhingdemonickebab or fiendish letter-tidy.....phil collins, jamie oliver (obv.), bono, vicky posh, jim morrison, skin from skunk anansie, dave stewart, stefan denis, terence tent der'arby, madonna, chris rea (the road to hell could be the soundtrack), (if not englishman in new york), ALL of slipppknot and limp bizkit (TWICE), marilyn mansun, oh my god! i nearly forgot that jamiroquai cunt, thom yorke (oh no, maybe not, the agony would give him someting to moan about for all eternity - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!), muse, any band who've ever made a video in that room at mtv, shitney, j lo, p "puff" daddy, julian lennon, ronan keating...
(i could go on, but it's abit like shooting fish in a barrel, really, isn't it?)
anyway, you drag 'em, and sting shags 'em. forever.
whaddya say?
lots of love
horton jupiter xxx

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:40, archived)

These are ace.

Do you get lots of these? They deserve a page of their own. The "Moon-on-a-stick, sir?" section maybe.

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:42, archived)

to be honest

I'm not sure I want to encourage it... I get enough stupid mail already.

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:46, archived)

Fairy

nuff...

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:47, archived)

"horton jupiter"

...that's it, I'm calling my firstborn child horton jupiter now.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:42, archived)

this is very weird

but lately I've been having dreams with b3ta in them (A warning to cut down perhaps).

This morning I dreamt that rob posted emails that he recieved from b3ta fans onto the board and they all took offense. Then b3ta got into trouble and was taken down.

That's all I remember.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:46, archived)

are mystic meg?

BTW: You really didn't like my wheelchair thing, did you?

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:49, archived)

actually

i did.
I just asked if it was newsletter-bound because I can't imagine a better use for a 27,000 strong audience.

Made me chuckle. Honest.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:51, archived)

aha.

I don't know really. I might put it in. Might not. As I said, my girlfriend hated it ... Er.. And I kind of use her as an arbitor of taste.

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:56, archived)

our little discussion earlier

prompted this:

i would!!

(rawx, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:34, archived)

hell yeah

I'll send you my address and a cheque for 2000 nicker !!

(JBoom, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

you give me 2000 squid

and i'll break out the orange wig and face-paints big boy!!

(rawx, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:11, archived)

from the b3ta mailbag

Hi, there! My name is Jeeve, I like your website very
much, and you guys have the funniest things that I
ever see. Those are something extra-ordinary that we
don¡¦t usually see get chance to see in life. so I
have a favor to ask, that is I got some pictures here
that I want to combine them together using Photoshop,
but I¡¦m completely sucker at Photoshop and any other
related software, so I would like to ask you guys if
you could help me with this one. The work is simple;
all I need is to combine two persons together on
wallpaper or something else. The two persons that I
talk about are me and my girlfriend. We live in
different country, I live in New York, and she is in
Italy, there seems isn¡¦t any chance that me and her
might see each other again. And I¡¦m regret that when
we were together, we didn¡¦t take a photo together,
now that her birthday is coming up, so I want to send
her something special like this one, a picture that
has both me and her. It means a lot to me and her.
Would you help me on this one?
If so, let me know and I would send my photos to you
and a considerable amount of reward would be paid. I
have heard that some people charge $20-30 per hour for
the same task that I have. Well, if my request is
granted, let me know the approximate amount of time
you need spend on this one. And I would send the
money-order to you guys first. Ok? Greatly
appreciated!!!!!
-Jeeve

(

rob, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:34, archived)

Awww.

He sounds like a perfectly lovely young man.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:35, archived)

who said it was from a man?

it could be from a lesbian...

(icedragon, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:39, archived)

2 Lesbians?

I'll do it for free! Hell, I'll PAY to do it

(

adverse_camber, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:41, archived)

Jeeve

? Impossible to tell.
I feel all warm and gooey inside btw

(

100% kitten better than ever, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

you are quite right.

Very remiss of me to assume.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

Ooooh..

Hehehe, can we put the Quo laughing in the background?

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:36, archived)

i'll do it.

i'll only charge $25 an hour and it'll take me approximatly 3732 hours to complete...

(icedragon, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:37, archived)

$20-$30 per hour?

Shouldn't take more than 10 minutes...

(

helmetcream, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:37, archived)

shhh

(icedragon, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:38, archived)

depends

on the sexual position

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:41, archived)

*Draws in breath over bottom teeth*

That's a big job. Gonna take a few days to get the parts. Then we're looking at a couple of weeks really and that's if I had no other jobs on which I do.

Tell you what - we'll call it a straight grand and I can start next month.

(

adverse_camber, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:38, archived)

Yeah

and it will take a couple of days to find a good twin towers explosion picture for the backdrop...

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:44, archived)

tell 'im

If he can post 2 pics on the board, someone will do it.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:42, archived)

but

they have to contribute a small amount to the b3ta fund...

(icedragon, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:48, archived)

and who knows

what the results will be :)

(

witchy is covered in BEES, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:49, archived)

My guess is spong-tastic

hope he doesn't mind furtive being there too, and a giant kitten of course :-)

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:53, archived)

Hey ho let's go

here's Today's Gallery with Ramones soundtrack as tribute to anudder dead brudder.

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:31, archived)

Excellent stuff!

Love a bit of the Ramones... nice medley mixing!
Um... do you save every image from this board or wot?

(

helmetcream, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:49, archived)

all the best ones yeah.

on my works pc then once they're used in the gallery they're deleted. It's a mucky job but someone has to do it.

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:18, archived)

If only ........

this had taken off. Millions of lives would have been saved due to a general feeling of "can't really be arsed"...

(

penrithtearooms, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:30, archived)

I hesitate to say this...

but my office manager just sent this email round:
Anybody know anybody who wants two free tickets to England v. Nigeria
There's a flight out tomorrow a.m. back on Friday for around £700.

...anyone? I presume email/contact details etc. will be required.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:29, archived)

Sadly

I probably do know someone who would take you up on that..

(

Wifey, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:38, archived)

I am

genuinely stunned that no-one else has so far...
I thought there were some football fans on here, or how do we end up having all those worthwhile and fascinating debates on the subject??
Seriously, this is a real offer. If your mate wants them, send me an eml at phil at tomandphil dot co dot uk and tomsk can pass it to my work address (which I'd rather not give out...) They may have gone allready but I don't know.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:41, archived)

i'd love to go

but unfortunatly, owning 700 pounds is not my main feature at this very moment in time... :(

(icedragon, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:45, archived)

I'd love to go...

but getting hold of £700 for the flights is beyond me right now, if anyone is driving can I get a lift please?

(

penrithtearooms, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:47, archived)

driving??

TO JAPAN??

are you insane?

(

vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:54, archived)

well

if we take it in turns to drive and sleep I reckon we could be there by Wednesday although that is based purely on wild speculation and not any sort of calculation of course.
Also omitting the fact that Japan is an island so some sort of ferry trip would be required etc and the petrol there would cost more than than a flight etc...
So the answer to your question might well be "Yes"..

(

penrithtearooms, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

I'm waiting

for her to ring me back..
I'lll email you later..

(

Wifey, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:53, archived)

it's a repost

but as it's a long time ago and the WWII posters are in fashion again...

(alfons, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:27, archived)

B4 anybody starts....

see my post below, a simple :
"Reposts are actually frowned upon as if people want to go through the older messages then they can."
would do.

(

Si W, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:33, archived)

Dammit, I just wrote a fucking dissertation

in reply to that and it got deleted.
The gist was:
I have stopped shouting at reposts.
What really bugged me was regulars posting the same pic twice in one day for no real reason. It's pretty much stopped now.
Woo for the "riding with kitty". It's a classic.

(tomsk, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:36, archived)

I dunno...

when it's an appropriate repost from aaaaaaaaaaaaaages ago (as above) I quite like seeing them again...

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:37, archived)

i just went spazzing for a bit

but didn't find your post I think.
Anyway, I made this some months ago and it's deep down the archives (if I hadn't told it was a repost, would anyone have noticed?). If I had known there had recently been a reposts-are-bad thread I wouldn't have posted it.

(alfons, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:44, archived)

Found

this while searching for random images... Handy perhaps given the theme of the day?

(

helmetcream, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:20, archived)

I liked

"on the job for victory". I wonder how that would have helped the war effort?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:25, archived)

sorry, had to do it

/coat

(

fastcar, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:29, archived)

woo

etc.
class...

(rawx, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:38, archived)

Ha ha ha!

(

helmetcream, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:42, archived)

I call it 'The last art you will ever see'

A miniature Mona Lisa is printed onto the floor of a large room. As the viewers come closer, the poison gas is released and renders them dead, ensuring that this is the final thing they will ever see. Nothing can possibly compare with it's purity as a symbol of art.

Eventually, the surrounding corpses will decompose, contrasting with the painting's beauty.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:19, archived)

Photoshop tip

If you need a corpse for an image - avoid the trauma of typing 'dead body' into Google by trying 'Asleep on floor'.

Shudder.

(

izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:21, archived)

Ooooh I see what you mean.....

It's a bit like saying don't look down innit?

(tinytimmy, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:28, archived)

A little bit

rotten, a little bit goatse?

(

helmetcream, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:35, archived)

zeitgeistian!

woo and yay too...

(

rogan, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

comic

genius

(que, Mon 10 Jun 2002, 13:53, archived)

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