When I was 19ish
I went to a rock club in Leicester where they had a piercing booth in one corner. After about 8 pints of cheap student lager, I decided it was time to get my septum pierced. I sat down, handed over the £15, and the guy shoved a pair of pliers up my nose. He snapped open a new (sterile) needle and shoved it through, causing me to shed a single tear, then he shoved another pair of pliers up my nose. There was a click and a crunch and I went back to the bar to carry on drinking.

The next morning I woke up with a hangover and a ring through my septum. And the worst cold I'd ever had - literally gallons of snot were trying to force their way down my nose, past my sore and not-at-all-healed-yet piercing, which made blowing my nose almost impossible.

When it healed, though, I loved it. I replaced the ring with a bar and kept it in for a few years. I only lost it because I was out in the woods celebrating Beltaine and the damn thing fell out and landed in the mud. By the time I got back to civilisation it had pretty much healed over, and I couldn't get another bar to go through.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 12:04, Reply)

Rejection
I had my belly button done, only to find six months later it had grown out, leaving the belly bar dangling precariously from the thinnest membrane possible. So I got it done again, having been reassured by the beardy piercing bloke that it never happens twice.

This time, it only took three months to grow out. Leaving me with a small pink scar, £100 lighter of pocket and an abundance of useless jewellery.

Meh. Curse my fussy belly.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 12:03, Reply)

I used to be into Black Metal
My name back then was "Doom Master" (changed by deed poll) and I was completely committed to Darkness. That's why I didn't have any problem having a likeness of Christ crucified upside-down tattooed on my forehead and my ears snipped to resemble those of Hell's dwarves.

Then I grew up.

I remember with embarrassment my first interview for a retail management position with a large high-street supermarket chain:

Interviewer: So, Mr Master, do you think that our customers might be offended by that inverted Christ on your forehead?

Me: It's not Christ, honestly! It's just a guy who looks like him. But not him.

Interviewer: He has a crown of thorns and nails. He's on a cross.

Me: He was just an unlucky passer-by.

Interviewer: Do you think our customers will sympathise with you having an inverted crucifixion of an unlucky passer-by tattooed on your forehead?

Me: Not really, no.

Interviewer: Go home, Mr Master.

Me: Call me Doom, please.

Interviewer: No.
(frankspencer, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 11:15, Reply)

grandmasterfluffles...
How about the ITF tree instead of one of the tennents??
(japper, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 10:23, Reply)

Only read half this first page...
but how many fake, made up, re-hashed jokes are being used as 'peoples stories'? k'in 'ell.

Complete Bollocks.
(TheManofScience, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 10:06, Reply)

Sorry if this had been asked but...
...do Asian folk get English words tattooed on them?

(Yeah, I stole that from someone more famous than me)
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 9:39, Reply)

I'm a bit scared of pain but...
I'm thinking about getting the Korean for "indomitable spirit" tattooed onto some part of my anatomy. (I'm thinking probably hip or shoulder. Yes, I am a walking cliche). If you think I should, click "I like this". A bit flawed seeing as there isn't an "I don't like this" option, but never mind...
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 9:33, Reply)

fried rice
I expect this has happened to a few people, but my friend went to a tatooist to get the Chinese symbol for "happiness" done on his arm.
He was really pleased until he met a Chinese person who told him that the symbol meant "special fried rice". The tatooist had copied his list from a takeaway menu.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 9:03, Reply)

Smiley face
Many moons ago I was sitting in the back of my mates car. There were four of us in the car chatting away and checking out fit birds. Being summer I was wearing shorts. I was sitting in the back staring at some hot young thing completely oblivious to what my mate in the front was doing. The next thing I feel a sharp, searing pain in my inner thigh. Turns out this bastard 'friend' of mine had decided to give me a smiley face. To those not in the know, this is where you heat up a lighter for a couple of minutes and then brand someone with it. This leaves a smiley face with the two bits of the flint marking the eyes and the rim creating the smile.
Hurt like a bastard. Now being one of those people that can't leave scabs alone I picked at it every day. 15 years later and I still have the scar of a smiley face on my inner thigh.

Years later I heard that the guy who did this to me actually commited suicide - so we're all even there then.
(Stainer Has been treating objects like women since, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 4:46, Reply)

Blood in the water
After getting my PA done I decided to go to the pub to celebrate. Should have thought that one through...
Anyway, three pints of Stella later the urge to wee becomes irresistible.
Christ knows what the other drinkers in the pub thought was going on when the shouts of pain started. I also wonder what the next user of the cottage thought about the bright red, bloody water in the bog. (It wouldn't flush!)
(bearflea, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 4:20, Reply)

piercings
I got my first (and so far only) piercing at the age of 10. I really wanted my ears pierced before then, but my parents wouldnt allow it. So on my 10th birthday my sister took me to a parlour and got it done as my birthday present.

My mother didnt speak to her for weeks after a loud shouting-at. I got off scott-free. Hurrah for big sisters.

(FYI, my brother had a secret tattoo, which mum saw only when we went on holiday months later, he got much he same reaction. Was thinking about a labret, but (at 22) am still too scared of mother)
(peech, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 4:05, Reply)

Plans
No past history, I'm not a big fan of piercings, but I've had various thoughts of tattoo ideas. I am not sure if they are all good ideas...but here they are

Watch going all around my right wrist

"I HATE THIS TATTOO" in the heaviest gothic lettering possible on the back of my right shoulder

Bass Clef on each hand, right hand Clef being upside down, so it appears the right way up when playing bass.

Fwegh...


Although, I do have a friend who went to get one of those shitty chinese base-of-spine tattoos, but the tattoist (legend!) actually tattoed 'Enter Here' in chinese just above her arse-crack! I think she wanted 'Hope' or something, awesome!*

*May be completely made-up due to a lack of relevant material
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Mon 4 Dec 2006, 2:05, Reply)

I met a bloke...
...who had "I love hats" tatooed backwards across his foreskin. It was in Japanese and when he got an erection it actually translated as "Special fried rice, no peas."

Actually no, I can't back that up.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 1:06, Reply)

I had a frenuloplasty done some time back.
(Frenuloplasty - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenuloplasty)

So then during the recovery, my girlfriend came to visit from London. She understood the situation and we mutually agreed that it would be a visit consisting of only cuddles and fluffy tiem!


// Large gap for you, the reader, to fill in with your sick imaginations! //


So, 4 hours later my bed was covered in blood and I had to go to the hospital.

I am now circumcised. :D

In retrospect, I'm glad it happened, but I flinch everytime I think back to it.
( Zorro! interviewed you on, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 23:40, Reply)

sodding solder
I have a great scar from some bully at school dropping a soldering iron on my hand. Not very funny but i laughed for ages as the cunt that dropped it ended up with me stabbing him through the foot with it :D

My bro had both nipples done like a prick and they both got ripped out by his exgf... Funny thing is now he has female sized nipples due to scar tissue.

Myself well i have 2 tatoos, both exceptionally well done, healed perfectly and scar free. I had my ears pierced once and not only was it the most painful thing ever but its left a horrid phobia of ever being pierced. I took em both out within a week cos they were wonky and red and sore.

I remember once breaking my hand on the desk at school many years ago then i went home to iron something and managed to burn my wrist on the iron.


Length, girth? no... just a tight wet depth ;)
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Sun 3 Dec 2006, 23:11, Reply)

Was thinking
of getting my tongue pierced. Won't bother now, after all the green, nasty, septic, oozing and painful experiences that people have had.

Saved me a few quid, that :-)
(emma_fisi, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 22:15, Reply)

A friend of mine
Proud of his length, decided to get his name tattooed to his todger. His name is 'Wayne'... Though when limp and contracted, it just reads 'We'. So. Standing at the urinals taking care of business, looks over at the next chappie, as you do, (who was Afro-Carribean by the way) and noticed he also had a tattoo there, with the letters 'WA'. The guy asked him "Why do you have the letters 'WE' tattooed to your penis?" Wayne, boastful and proud as ever - extended to display 'Wayne' in all its lengthy glory. Wayne then asked the guy about HIS initials... The guy just smiled, extended to full length, and it read: 'Welcome to Jamaica' ; ) ...Apologies for being slightly off-topic... just had to share that one! Cheers.
(fabzc Is browsing b3ta on, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 21:22, Reply)

Idiot
I've got a mate who decided to get a tatoo when he had a few to many at a scooter rally in Brighton. To this day he can't take his top off in public even on the hottest of days due to the large welsh dragon on his back with ENGLAND tattoed underneath. What a twunt.
(WrongJon, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 21:13, Reply)

Clever!
My friend once saw a gang member in New Zealand who had skillfully tattooed the name of his gang on his forehead all by himself.

How could he tell the guy had done it himself? Well, given 'Mongrel Mob' was written backwards, he guessed the bright chap had done it while looking in the mirror.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 18:33, Reply)

Tattoo

Llandudno.

nuff said!



Length ... tattooist couldn't spell Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
(lozzzz, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 17:12, Reply)

burn scar
last wednesday while intoxicated me and some friends decided to see how long we could burn the back of our hands for with a lighter.
It seemed like a good idea at the time and i was well chuffed i won by burning myself for 10 seconds but now im worried about a permanent scar forming.
The blister was so bad while talking to a tramp about white cider on the same night, the half boiled old wreck shouted at me what the fook is up with your hands.
(siph_uk, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 16:46, Reply)

When I were a nipper
Belly button piercings had just been invented. I thought they were SOOOOO cool. Everybody at school disagreed and thought they were totally disgusting, but I had long since nursed an ambition to get lots of tattoos and piercings and get a boyfriend who owned a Harley Davidson, so to me a belly button piercing was an absolute must.

Problem is, I was only fourteen. In order to get body percings when you're under sixteen you have to have parental consent. My mum was cool with it, taking the attitude that if I was going to have it done when I was sixteen I might as well have it now. My father on the other hand was not so keen. Specifically, if I pierced any part of my body other than my ears I would be kicked out of the house to look forward to a stellar career selling the Big Issue.

So I did what any normal, intelligent, mature person would do. I went to the piercing place, wore loads of make up to make me look older, gave them a fake date of birth and had it done anyway.

Of course I had to keep it covered in the house, but it wasn't difficult and that was a small price to pay for being able to lift my shirt up at school and have everybody go EEEEUUUUUURRRRGGHGHHHGGHHHHH!

Unfortunately, within three years the "eurgh" factor had completely dissolved, navel piercings had become totally mainstream and completely passe, every chav girl had one and I looked like a fashion victim. They all forgot that I was the first one to have it done. That's what I get for being a trendsetter.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 16:43, Reply)

I Still Say They're For Chavs.....
.

But I've a good friend - Tourettes is her name, who has a cracking tattoo. She's a rabid fan of The Macc Lads and wanted Chips & Gravy (after the famous song, Beer, Sex, Chips & Gravy) tattooed on her shoulder. But she wanted it in Chinese. So she toddled off down the local Chinese chippy and asked the chap down there to draw out "chips and gravy" in Chinese characters. Not being entirely thick, she took the drawing to another Chinese chippy and asked them what it meant. They said chips and gravy. (She was worried that the first Chinese guy might have put down something like "stupid tart" for a laugh)

So all that done, she buggered off to the local tattoo parlour and she now sports "Chips & Gravy" in Chinese on her shoulder.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 16:03, Reply)

Accidental scarrification
As I detailed in this story, while on a Baltic stag night I accidently sliced open my wrist.

I now have a 'C' shaped scar on my wrist, which is my wife's initial. I'm really quite proud of it. It beats any tattoed declaration of commitment.
(woodchopper likes chopping wood, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 15:27, Reply)

Got Branded
One of my best friends is a tattooist at the local studio. She was working on my right sleeve one day when we were talking about the whole range of body modifications that are available and branding came up.

Next thing I knew I was lay on my stomach on the tattoo bench with a white hot piece of metal in my back.

The joys of star shaped pieces of metal and a blowtorch will now be with me forever.

p.s. In a sidenote I am looking into getting suspended in the near future and I'm going to try and raise money for cancer research through it. Anyone care to give?
(8 B I T.B O Y lives in an 8 bit world, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 15:08, Reply)

Not personal Experience... but a sweet story I heard
There was a biker-bloke who, in keeping with his mates and ethos, Got "LOVE" and "HATE" tatooed accross his knuckles.

Nothing Unusual there...

But a short while later, an industrial accident (in which he lost a substantial part of a hand) doomed him to live with the more amusing duo "Love" and "Hat" accross remaining knuckles.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Sun 3 Dec 2006, 14:14, Reply)

Down there
While in the bath cleaning my PA one evening I noticed a hole in the bit of skin which connects the foreskin to the shaft of the penis, this isn't a piercing hole, just a hole. I've had the PA for a while and never noticed this frenum hole before so I've no idea where it came from. Clearly I'm not going to turn down a free piercing so I get a ring I have spare and put it in, not looking where the PA ring is sitting and accidentaly link the two together. This didn't cause a problem until I next got together with lady-friend and i nearly pulled the frenum ring right through my foreskin.

I also got my tongue stud caught in another lady-friends clit-hood ring, that was, interesting & entertaining.
(atomkinder is deeply unfashionable, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 13:31, Reply)

Healed Up Jesus
When I was very young I stepped on a rusty nail, resulting in me in hospital, getting a tetanus jab from a 'beginner' nurse who had the hand-eye co-ordination of a walrus with dyspraxia. I still have a scar where the nail went through my foot. With a burn on my other foot, a cut on one of my arms and a cold burn on my other arm all in the center of my hands/feet, I look like a healed up Jesus.
(Captain Schexxy / MrGreen Is less clever than The Fresh Prince, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 12:44, Reply)

Teh Jew!
I am jewsih and when I was small I had an uncle who had a number up his arm and I thought it was cool and wrote one on my arm too.

my parents didn't like it, and later i got a tattoo and an earring. Those are still there but the number is not. It would be a bit silly.
(Dr Slurkie Slurkie, Sun 3 Dec 2006, 10:43, Reply)