A bit of a Brummie/Black Country one but...
..referring to younger relatives as "The Babby"

FUCKING HELL I HATE IT!!

Especially when "The Babby" has just finished University...
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:47, 3 replies)

Over - sharing
It is frightfully common to announce that you are going to the toilet, even worse when you let people know the reason for your visit.

One should say "Excuse me whilst I go to the bathroom" or a simple "excuse me for a moment" should suffice. In more familiar company "I'm going to the loo" is also acceptable.

"I need a shit" is not.
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:46, 10 replies)

Daily Mail readers mainly
1. Personal number plates….apart from ‘A1’
2. Pierced children, and children in ‘designer gear’.
3. Dogs with ‘terrier’ in the breed name.
4. Always taking the side of your kids no matter what.
5. Having your kids blinded and disabled by the Measles.

The number one trait of your commoner is trying not to be one, as personified by Mrs. Bucket. Anyone who thinks their clothes, manners, speech somehow proves they are not common, is pure muck.

I’ve got cousins who are terribly terribly middle class. Watching them at family gatherings is hilarious. They constantly twitch like rabbits, forever in a state of embarrassment, even their faux pas have faux pas.

Your actual knobs couldn’t give a fuck.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:43, 5 replies)

People who do, buy or say anything at all
that's in any way different to the way that I do it, or my parents did it when I was growing up.

Especially if said thing is cheaper than the thing we do, buy or say.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:37, 2 replies)

Smoking!
Smoking while either;

1) Stood outside a shop
2) Walking from 1 shop to another

Now, i love a cig but CANT YOU FUCKING WAIT TILL YOU GET HOME FROM BASTARDING SHOPPING?!?!?!?!?!?

Common as owt.
(TheManofScience, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:36, 3 replies)

Being from Medway...
...I grew up with a myriad number of annoying, common twunts. Let the list begin:

*The sayings "At the end of the day" and "In an ideal world"

*Going to your 'nan's for tea'.

*Incorrect spelling of their/they're

*Jewellery that depicts family status eg 'MUM' or 'SISTER' on a ring. Do you need a reminder???

*Talking about/watching the X Factor

*Having a union jack/bulldog/football team badge/Chinese characters tattooed on your person.

*Bomber jackets

*Women who wear tshirts with sexy or gorgeous or anything of that ilk on them.

More to come, I'm just choking with rage right now...
(Eldoofus, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:36, 22 replies)

That meal at 5pmish...
it's Tea. and thats COMMON apparently!!??!? it's not dinner. Dinners at 12. you know. dinner time , like at school. lunch is for twats. and southern twats.

bindun?

arse.
(TheManofScience, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:34, 4 replies)

Once again, I offer you - Associated Dairies
I dare say that the behaviour I am about to outline here happens in other supermarkets, but I see it every time I find myself in Leyton ASDA.

In times past, people used to walk around the shop, collecting their groceries. Then, they would queue patiently, pay the lady or gentleman at the till, load the car, and go home.

It would be at this point that they would open their crisps/chocolates/scotch eggs/other ghastly snacks and start stuffing their faces.

It really grates me to see people meandering through the aisles, fists stuffed deep in to a packet of walkers. Is it impossible to wait until you've left the shop? Must you eat right then?

I'll leave it there, I think. /rant over.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:33, 2 replies)

If there's any justice in the world
Then the answer "Redditch" will win this QoTW.

(explanation for those many of you lucky enough not to have been there: Redditch was once a nice market town in Worcestershire. Then it was turned into a "New Town" and massive estates were created plus a road system of awesome proportions. The estates were basically filled with the council tenants from nearby Birmingham and Coventry that both councils wanted out of their jurisdiction, thank you very much.)

I lived there for two horrendous years. And I'd moved from Handsworth, meant to be a rough area but my God it had nothing on Redditch.
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:29, 7 replies)

Women in their 50s in bars
acting like they did in the 1970s.

Especially the ones who dance until they're sweaty, then fling themselves at the bartender or the bouncer.

Most especially the one I saw after closing time a couple of years ago. She and her husband arrive at the Walgreen's drugstore and he goes in to get a pack of cigarettes. She declares she needs to pee, steps into the middle of a parking space, pulls down her black stockings (revealing a large elaborate tattoo from her right knee to her hip) and hikes up her leather miniskirt, then squats down so her growler is an inch off the pavement and lets loose with a flood.

And smiles at me.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:29, 4 replies)

Stupidly long hair extensions that look like rats' tails.
Especially when worn when the real hair isn't even at shoulder length. It just looks monstrous. Every girl in my bumblefuck town displays this abomination with pride, coupled with clumpy mascara, pale lipstick and fake tan.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:29, 1 reply)

There ain't no party like a council house party!
The real disadvantage of growing up in a deprived area is not the poverty – although yes I appreciate that truly blows as well – but more than that it's the resignation of that being all there is to life. Shite job in a shite town that you'll never leave, nothing to ever inspire you, better you or expand your mind. I'm very thankful that my parents both left their deprived home towns to join the army. Not only did that cause them to meet but it also opened them to the wider world.

But best of all, coming from where they did it meant that I was raised with no concept of the class society, never thinking anyone else was better/worse than me. When the family left the army I felt no shame in moving into a council house until we settled and my parents were ready to buy a house. I just didn't get what it was to be "common".

That all changed years later innocuously enough when I was in the pub after work with a bunch of mates in St Andrews. Now St Andrews is a very weird place. There's a lot of wealth owing to the university and the golf courses but other than that it's just like any other poor, slightly rural Fife town. So coming back from the bar with a round of drinks and a large packet of crisps I do something that evokes a classic line from my mate Davie that sends one of the girls at our table into a fit of tears fizzling over a fearsome wave of anger and resentment.

Turns out her family were not the wealthiest and lived in a council house when she was growing up. Away from the down to earth upbringing I'd enjoyed, she on the other hand had endured much torment from other kids growing up in this affluent little town. After she explained what she had to go through I understood how the class system is still at work in this country, poisoning people by lacing their opinions with prejudice against people deemed a bit "common". I apologised to her most sincerely and came away from the situation feeling better as I do from most situations where I'm able to understand the point of view of someone else.

But I still say it was a bloody funny line from Davie who stated after I handed out the drinks and split the bag of crisps open to share among the whole table, "Wahey! We've got ourselves a proper fucking council house party here."
( djtrialprice, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:28, Reply)

Chelsea , Man U, Liverpool & Arsenal fans
Why support a team 300 miles away from you? Most man united fans couldnt point out Manchester on a map if you took the names off.
Chelsea fans are the worst. Where were you when zola was doing overhead kicks? Supporting man united or arsenal thats what.

You can spot a chelsea fan by their pasty complexion, fat face, argos jewellry, and their penchant for wearing sportswear even though they have blatantly never excercised in their life.

Oh and ''i have relatives there'' is not a valid excuse. cunts.
(papa bouba slap your face, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:24, 6 replies)

Are you a chav?
I work in Wakefield and have a number of clients in the surrounding area. A while ago during the time when Karen Matthews was found out to be hiding one of her many kids under a matress one of the firms I worked with in the Dewsbury area sent an email round to its staff about the Dewsbury chav test. It basically stated that if you had recieved one of the leaflets from the local plod through your door warning you to avoid taking any vigilante action against the Matthews family then you qualified as a certified common as muck chav.

Should you be interested there were 3 people that passed the test and now have the slips the recieved laminated and hung up on the wall in the staff canteen.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:24, 3 replies)

I had this greek bird once
at college, always wanting to know stuff, never shut up. Rich though, could have been the winner of last weeks QOTW. I took her to Aldi, she had NEVER been in one and shes laughing at all the crap rather loudly, getting some funny looks.

I told her to stop flashing cash, and pretend she was skint but she didnt really get me. On the way home she told me she fancied a shag, and got really turned on by the fact that I lived in this shithole of a flat - I think she liked a bit ofrough once in a while.

Anyway, we split up. We were poles apart, she thought that having no money was cool. But its not. Just ask people from Sheffield. They have no money and they're not cool.

(Incidentally, award to the most common shop in the world - Big W in Sheffield - the one near the M1. Oh. My.)
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:23, 3 replies)

I, erm, "went for a walk" with someone
who I really shouldn't have the other night.

I was very drunk, but was finding the entire experience rather enjoyable, until the , uhm, lady in question proclaimed that she had been caught short on the way back home.

"Oh man ahm fuckin' burstin'!" she proclaimed.

After deftly brushing aside my suggestion of nipping into some nearby dark bushes (crafty me, always thinking), she proceeded to drop her trousers and have a nice long tinkle.

In the middle of the road.

Classy.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:20, Reply)

Polytechnics...
...pretending to be universities. The general rule is never to trust any academic institution with either a river or a county in its name.
(ubergeekian, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:20, 11 replies)

Put a sodding shirt on
'fucksake
(teebie jeebie, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:17, 7 replies)

Towns
Common Towns

1. Stockport.
2. All the others.

Seriously. Never go to town centres. They are one and all, full of scum.

/heaton moor village if you want to know. Better than Didsbury - which is now quite common. Although West Dids - Class. Except that pikey bit behind The Station pub.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:17, 1 reply)

McDonalds ...
... is not a fucking restaurant.

It's a take-away. At best. Nothing more.
(markthebrewer doesn't know if he's coming or going or coming, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:16, 1 reply)

The Royle Family
I was about to say "a more common piece of shit I have never seen"

then I remembered how much I hate Hollyoaks

at least that isn't supposed to be funny...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:16, 7 replies)

a housemate
Terribly posh, had three ponies back home, and always used to admonish us for saying "bog roll" instead of "toilet roll", or "snot rag" instead of "tissue". Posh bitch.

So, it was surprising when she got together with what she she herself described as "as bit of rough".

We'd joke that he was too common for her, but she wouldn't listen until the first night he stayed over when she ran downstairs screaming in obvious distress "He's common! He's common! He's common my tits"

/here all week.
( rofl harris, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:14, 1 reply)

We don't have any common types ...
... in the office! But we do have f**king northerners!

The glAss vs glARRss, grAss vs grARRss, bAth vs bARRth wars keeping going. But now thanks to the Beeb we know they are dirty buggers who wouldn't know what a barrth or soap were if they were pushed in one ;-)

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7667499.stm
(Biff..., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:13, 3 replies)

I was driving through a bit of Bristol
maybe Filton?

"It looks nicer here than it used to"

"Yeah, they took the furniture and broken cars out of the front yards"
(teebie jeebie, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:12, 2 replies)

you are common if
you say "do you know what i mean?"

everyone says it after everything. do you know what i mean?
(outofkey "iaaaaan! your mum's on the phone!", Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:11, 4 replies)

Ass antlers.
Also known as the tramp stamp, the slag tag, and so forth. I've seen far too many of them.

If they wanted it to be anything but common, they could have the Kama Sutra tattooed back there to give him something to read- basically a User's Manual.

And as a footnote it could read "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:10, 1 reply)

Champagne
Common people who think that they aren’t are probably the worst.

Many moons ago, when I was working a dead end job in a hotel bar, this couple came in. they were probably in their late forties but the woman looked twice that. Orange, leathery skin, obviously one of Tantastic’s many casualties, and dripping in cheap jewellery. She asked what Champagne we had so I rolled off a list. Thinking for a while she ignored the many names and opted for ... Asti Spumanti.
She then insisted that I put it in an ice bucket and serve in flutes. For the rest of the night I had to listen to her try and ‘casually’ impress the rest of the bar guests with her travels around the world, or, more precisely, Benidorm.
(Ghostlight, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:08, 1 reply)

"Tesco"
People who think it ends with an "s" are common
( le brian, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:05, 9 replies)

You are common
The truth is, if you are prepared to discuss what is and what isn't common, it means you are a bit.

As explained excellently in the book "Watching the English", the fear of being common is an exclusively middle class, aspirational thing.

The aristocracy absolutely couldn't give a hoot about any of this stuff - their children run around caked in dirt and eating jaffa cakes with Tiswas on in the background - because they can.

Same with the underclass.

So by correcting people when they call a napkin a serviette, or saying "for goodness sake Jack, take those elbows off the table!" you are merely confirming the fact that you are common, and nothing you earn, or education you receive, is ever going to change that.

Having said that, if you are off home to flop on the settee, watch Sky and have your tea - you are uber, Heat magazine, Posh'n'Becks common.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:05, 7 replies)

Pretending
to be black.

Kid, you're not fooling anyone. You can wear a hoodie, you can blast your gangsta rap, you can wear pants so baggy that you have to have one hand holding them at all times to keep them from falling off- but you're not black.

You're just a twat.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:03, 21 replies)