Inappropriate crushesAs a teenager I was obsessed by my piano teacher - I hated playing the piano, but carried on because she was so lovely. OK, it was because she used to wear very plunging necklines.
I even stopped practicing because the worse I was, the more she'd sit at the piano to show me how to play a piece and I could stand behind her and look down her top.
Aaaaargh. Confess your own crushes so I don't look like a breast-obssessed stalker.
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chthonic, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 10:42)
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SupernannyThat is all.
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FlexAlux laughed at something inappropriate on, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:50,
Reply)
Diff'rent Strokes? Vinegar more like!Not inappropriate but improbable.....
Kimberley getting a spit roast from Arnold and Willis, think if Arnold was at the back he may need a chair tho.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:01, Reply)
Was gonna lurk a little longer but screw itFirst ever crush was the lovely Pam Dawber as Mindy in Mork and Mindy.
Most inappropriate...? Hmm, probably Lola Bunny off Space Jam. Every time I see her I just wanna grab her ears and... nevermind.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 14:00, Reply)
Sesame StreetI have to admit that my first ever crush was on Bert from Sesame Street. I think it was something to do with the eyebrows, and his overall stern demeanor. Am so jealous of Ernie who shared a bed with him. He actually still kinda does it for me - yes I know he's a puppet.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 13:45, Reply)
1...... 2...
... 3...
... if you are female and not up a tree yet, I fancy you.
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bierbelly, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 13:43,
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I was performing an act of mutual oral gratificationand my lady friend told me to be less noisy so I didn't wake up her housemates.
Staring into her recently-shaved lady bits, I replied
"All right cunt-stubble, I'll cum quietly".
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 13:35, Reply)
Not sure its inappropiate, buts its quite specificBlonde girls, with glasses wearing black baseball caps with a pony tail hanging out of the back of it through the bit above the buckle.
Sort of chavvy, sporty and librarian-like all at once... HUBBA HUBBA.
Other than that:
Your Mum, obviously,
Fern Britton,
Belinda Carlisle (when she got a bit plumper mid 90's)
Tracy Tracy - lead singer of the primitives (do a youtube search)
Libby and Susan Kennedy from Neighbours - mother and daughter lurve!!!
Any girl with long curly dark red hair and pale skin oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Kelly Holmes - such a hard toned body.
I need to lie in a darkened room for a decade... lots of onanistic stuff to follow!
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 13:33, Reply)
TinkerbellStill holding a candle for Tink from Disney's 'Peter Pan'
Inappropriate not only because of irreconcilable issues of scale, but also 'cause I just KNOW she'll never leave Peter . . .
Usually I'll quite happily to get on my soapbox and decry the evil subliminal (and often not so subtle) sexuality in Disney movies - 'Snow White' still really gives me the creeps, and as for all the repressed sexual angst in 'hunchback', well, come on, that's NOT suitable for children . . .
But that bit in Peter Pan where Tinkerbell gets stuck in the drawer, and can't get out on account of the size of her hips . . . oh my . . .
Would gladly get a tattoo of her, but worry in case it would send out the wrong signals if I ever got sent to prison . . .
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 13:19, Reply)
FlibbleyFor about 6 years now, God help me.
I will do these things to myself...
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 13:15, Reply)
My wife's identical twin cousinsJust legal, i think.
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100% Cock Raw like carrots., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 13:02,
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Barry Chuckle??Anyone? Anyone??
No?
Shit.
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Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Wed 4 Oct 2006, 11:38,
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I like the Officer typeI really fancied admiral Piet from the Empire Strikes back, and Genral Veers made me wetter than Manchester in Febuary!
Admiral Ozzel, he looked better as Mr Broson in Grange Hill.
Yes I did really fancy these people in the 80's! Teenage Whore! Moans, must be! I always liked an authoritative man, even better When in an Imperial Uniform. The Rebels never did it for me, there uniforms sucked!
Wide as hell!
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 11:33, Reply)
Girl next doorWhen I was a 19 this really cute girl moved next door to me, she looks a bit like Natalie Portman, By coinsidense her name was Natalie. Trouble was she was only 13, Arse! So no go, there then.
Anyway we became quite good friends when I came back from uni when I was about 24, she was 18 then, so I bonned her till the cows came home! Bonus!
My friend is a fit bird who works in an all boys school, 14 to 18, if I had a teacher like that when I was that age well..... All the kids there must be blind by now!
I think I had a crush on nealy all my femalian teachers at some point except the old dogs.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 10:54, Reply)
gibber gibberGiroboy,
I agree with you on Kirsty Allsopp, I really do get some loin stir-idge when ever I see her, it must be those giant buttons on her duffle coat.
I also long to pork that blonde chubby antiques expert on Bargain Hunt.
And the other week an equestrian catalogue came through the post* and it was chock full off thick-set country type girls. Printed on thick gloss paper to-boot.
My wife thinks I've got issues.
*for the previous homeowner - ahem-cough.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 10:53, Reply)
EMADEXThe test card girl is my best friend's mum's old schoolfriend!!! (She is now nearing 60, how do you feel about that?)
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 10:17, Reply)
Check my spellingOh yes! The Countdown spelling girl is hotter than a magma enema. She's a shy girl, but when there's a guest or contestant she fancies, her eyes smoulder and she starts to flirt. And you know she's up for some really filthy stuff.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 9:42, Reply)
Oooooh...Definately Suzie the spelling lady from Countdown...She's luuuurvly.
Also, Ruby from Eastenders...She got such a cute little innocent face that i could do so many dirty things to...
Just popping to the bog.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 8:58, Reply)
Friends MumDuring teens...absolutely obsessed with a mate's mum. Curly hair, big breasted wide mouth. Once whilst staying at his house I undertook a laundry bin raid, departing with a pair of panties. Still feel guilty....was good though.
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 4:50, Reply)
BBC test-card girl...Had a crush on her for years (the girl, not the clown)...
...she was a few years older than me, so obviously she was way out of my league. Sigh...
edit: Mad McMad - She (Carole Hersee) is way under 60 and will be a sprightly 48 years old this November 25th. Not that I'm cyber-stalking her or anything...
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 4:34, Reply)
Lady PenelopeIn the Thunderbirds film. You may ask why this is an inappropriate crush.. well that falls solely in the fact that it spawned from inappropriate thoughts with the puppet.
I remember those quiet afternoons behind the sofa, molesting my Lady Penelope action figure.. tying her to the front of my Action Man hummer and committing dastardly sex acts to her face. It's too bad her dress was plastic n all because I'd have that off her faster than you can say Bergerac.
Fact.
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The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 1:48,
Reply)
That hot ass chick from ReBoot.I dunno if anyone remembers this show, I think I saw someone mention it in this question a few pages back, but the hot sea-based chick form Reboot. She used to be just a kid, then her and the other kid got trapped in a game for years or something, and when they came out, she looked like THIS:
Hot. As. I actually remember feeling genuinely depressed as a chubby little 8 year old that she would never be mine...
Her and basically every female teacher I've ever had...
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 1:22, Reply)
Year 7 English teacher...First day in secondary school is an overwhelming experience for all involved, especially when your form tutor is also just as neat and shiny as you are.
Ms. Evans... In our first English lessons (she was also our English teacher) she'd read us poetry about first days at a new school and was very gentle with us who wanted to do English properly. As far as my mates and I were concerned she was 'a very nice lady' and not something to be thought of during our own deviant sexual fantasies.
Until she came in late. In biker's leathers.
Imagine an attractive girl with little round spectacles in her mid twenties with leather hugging her slender frame. In a class full of boys whose defining points in life were pimples and boners.
My English grades slumped drastically and I've had a thing for girls with curly brown hair since.
Length? Wait until you see the girth...
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 1:14, Reply)
Turtle Love...Soooo many years ago... My brother always used to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles after school and I used to sit there in awe whenever Raphael popped up on screen... (The one with the Red mask on) Even though they all looked the same... I still don't know what the attraction used to be...
(, Wed 4 Oct 2006, 0:31, Reply)
Barely legal teenI've just realised how fucking gorgeous this girl down my road is. I don't normally go for the emo look, but she has the most sultry 'fuck me til my wrists bleed' eyes, fantastic body, and looks like she could corrupt my fragile testosterone driven mind.
One problem. I've also just realised I used to babysit her so she's probably only just turned 16.
length? if she wants it...
(, Tue 3 Oct 2006, 23:37, Reply)
Only recent...I've been working extra shifts recently, and as a result have spent quite a lot of my time staring out the window at adverts on buses (yes and working).
There's one set of adverts in particular that've caught my attention. They're for Napier University, with the tagline "I'm prepared". And one of them features a girl who I have apparently fallen in love with. She's got the nicest eyes, gorgeous jet black hair, a smile that could melt the sternest heart. I can't help it, I sit and stare at every bus that passes with her face on it, I've tried taking pictures but I've not got fast enough reactions. I think I've even got it planned out mentally for what I'd say if I met her.
Oh dear, for a first post this really doesn't demonstrate that patented B3ta rationality. I think I need to sit down.
*POP*
(, Tue 3 Oct 2006, 23:32, Reply)
Man CrushBen Folds- Not becuase of looks, but because he can make sweet sweet music, I'd just sit and watch him playing piano all day watching those magic fingers dance across the keyboard ahhhhh....
Still dig chicks, but musicians are cool
(, Tue 3 Oct 2006, 23:15, Reply)
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