Looking at old QOTWs and I should've posted this.
Back end of March 2005, it snowed a bit. Here in Hull, being reasonably near the coast, it thawed out quite soon. But I wanted more snow, so whilst the kids were staying school dinners and my wife was out at work, I got in the car and drove inland. After a while of driving along some slightly slushy country lanes, I found this windy road:

tinyurl.com/snowyroad

I winds its way through a steep valley and the snow was deep. Hurrah. Now, this type of sheltered single-lane track would be treacherous in the snow, however because there were springs along the route, Yorkshire Water needed access and had been down there with a snow plough. So I set off along the lane.

By now, I was seriously busting for a piss, my kidneys ached and so i needed to stop. There was a bit of a passing place at a gate to a field, which had a small steep track leading up to it.

I went to climb the track to pee near the hedge but slipped on the snow and went forwards. I put my hand out but under the snow was some deep mud and my hands went in up to the knuckles.

I stood up and tried to clean the mud off my hands, but I was really busting by now, so I undid my zip and made some yellow snow.

After I was done, I realised my cock was covered in mud. I managed to get most of it off but not very efficiently, and I certainly didn't fancy using a handful of snow.

I got back in the car and set off again and finally went home.

I forgot all about it until I got in bed that night and my missus noticed and asked me why I had a brown todger...

I've never known her to laugh that much in the 19 years we've been together. I thought she was going to pass out.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:18, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Nowadays most people are aware of body language in day to day dealings with people.
Does anyone here consciously use certain body language when trying to attract the opposite,(or same), sex?

I refer to hair flicking for women or mirroring the other persons posture etc.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 May 2009, 13:45, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Feeling spurned? Feeling lonely?
I've found a foolproof plan to Get Her Back.

batteriesfeelincluded.blogspot.com/2009/05/309.html

Shh! Don't let everyone know...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 27 May 2009, 13:27, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Psycho chomp
or Chompy as I call her, is now spending more time on OT than on /talk. Fact.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 13:06, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just in case anybody didn't know...
Cold showers in the middle of winter, Icy cold showers that make your breath come into gasps and your feet, hands and scalp go numb, are fairly shite.

And strangely awakening.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 27 May 2009, 12:52, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Random Question
Has anyone ever used Sage (the finance programme not the herb)?

Is it hard to use?

Erm and to all the people that haven't: If you could cover anyone in ice cream and then lick it all off who would it be and what flavour ice cream would you use?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:39, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Speaking of the Express
I see they're still milking the Madeleine gravy-train.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:12, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My Dad's a great bloke
Except he's started prattling on about voting for UKIP (after voting Tory since the days of the three-day week). I tried explining that

a: A few kneejerk bullet points do not make a full manifesto
b: Said bullet points are complete bollocks anyway.

Any other way I can make him see the folly of his ways?

Edit: and he doesn't even read the Daily Mail, or heaven forbid, the Express, thank god
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:08, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cock Ups (Intentional or otherwise)
As some of you might be aware I spent a lot of last year in Hong Kong working on the development and installation of a model (author:Ed:)).

During the course of the gig there we discovered that the IP owned by, erm, me was being stolen by the client when I and my time had left the office for the evening. Who said "copyright"?

We decided en masse to ensure that we could provide them with a small offer they couldn't refuse - by placing a deliberately wrong bit of code in the program for them to ensure that they'd not be able to run the model after we left and had to fix it themselves (proud of it? well ... I suppose not, but I felt *really* good at the time).

What intentional cock-ups have you made?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:07, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

b3tans
after the great response I got when asking for this last time, and not actually using it I feel like I can happily have another go.

Would anyone be kind enough to send me an Orange Wednesday code for tonight thus saving me in the region of £7.

I would be willing to offer some form of recompense.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:56, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

DEAR INTERNET USERS
Are you having internet-legal-problems?
Are you struggling to understand interlegalese?
Have you been the victim of terrible online bullying, or internetlibel?
Has your Honda Accord been involved in an accident that wasn't your fault?

INTERNETLAWYERMAN can help.

JUST REMEMBER INTERNET USERS - JUSTICE IS ONLY A GAZ AWAY!
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:30, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wedding Presents
Ms Crow and I are off to a wedding this weekend. It occurred to me that I should probably buy a wedding present fairly soon.

The trouble is, the couple in question have already been living together for quite a while and have a sprog. They've given no wedding list, but suggested politely that a new toaster is hardly top of their list of priorities, and said that they'd prefer something to go towards either (a) the honeymoon or (b) doing up the house.

Any suggestions? The best thing I could come up with was a tin of white emulsion.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:26, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Time to vent?
Using the relative anonymity of the interwebs, what would you like to say to someone that you can't bring yourself to say IRL?

Let it all out...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 10:03, 156 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My company is employing a large firm of cleaners to clean all our offices
rather than the local people that we have been using.

Most of us have never met our old cleaner, she did a shit job, and left us annoying notes about leaving stuff on/under/near our desks when it is none of her fucking business.

So why the fuck are our admin staff trying to get us to sign a leaving card for the silly bint?

that sort of shit annoys me.

Generally though, I'm in a good mood. How are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 May 2009, 9:37, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last thing you copied and pasted?
www.kadir-buxton.com/index.htm
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 9:27, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Changing of the guard
A question for your wise folks. My hubby is Spanish and has never been to London. I'm taking him there next week and the one thing he really wants to see is the changing of the guard. I went when I was very small but I can hardly remember it. My question is: Does anyone know which is better to take him to? Windsor Castle or Buckingham Palace?

Cheers me dears
x
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 9:15, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's rainy, cold and I'm not going on a holiday this summer
tell me about your holiday plans so I can daydream my way out of this office.

Thank you.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 27 May 2009, 8:47, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Jade is back
fuck yeah!

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1187753/Jade-sent-message-heaven-Then-clouds-parted-I-saw-face-says-tragic-stars-mum-Jackiey.html
(knackerz is skinning up, Wed 27 May 2009, 7:16, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

good morning b3ts
How are we all this morning, VCs lovelies? I've had a grossly insufficient amount of sleep, writing up as I was until 2am and walking to the train to work a Singapore Airlines airbus 380 just flew over on its way into heathrow.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 27 May 2009, 7:14, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I won't be around for the rest of the week
so feel free to be rude about me.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 26 May 2009, 22:40, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Blame VC for this (again).
I wrote something new... tis in the replies. Or will be once I get the formatting sorted.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Tue 26 May 2009, 22:07, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Halp please
My brother has just made me go on World of Warcraft.

First I got the free 10 day trial. Then I got the actual full game disc.
When I installed it, the installation failed. I deleted the trial game and tried installing it again. It said it was successful.

So I clicked on it in my program list and a box came up and it had news in it and stuff, and it automatically downloaded a patch. Oh yeah, I also copied all the update files from my brother's pooter to mine after installing it, while it was downloading some stuff, which I'm not sure but I think was prolly updates.

So after it automatically downloaded a patch it closed the box down and the installer screen came up and asked me if I wanted to install World of Warcraft. I asked my brother what he thought about this and he said it may just want to install the update.

So I clicked on it and it told me it would like to move World of Warcraft to a public file, and recommended that I allow it to. So I clicked yes, and it started a 3.4gb download. 3.4gb?!

Now that seems wrong to me. I will have to leave it downloading all fucking night, and my pooter is getting hot. Also, my electricity is being switched off at 9 tomorrow morning. Do you think it is downloading the same thing I've just installed but in a different place? Should I stop it and just delete everything and start again, but put it in the public folder right from the start?

Or should I be patient and let it do it's thing?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 26 May 2009, 22:03, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hark, dear b3tan whose time I'm wasting
So I finished uni for the summer last Thursday. I have 3 weeks off before I start placement. Should I be spending this time enjoying myself? Yes, yes I should.

Instead, it's been 5 days and I'm bored off my face. Booooooo.

That is all.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 26 May 2009, 21:54, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cock Tuesday still has a long way to go clearly
www.bspcn.com/

Numa Numa still makes me laugh though
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 26 May 2009, 21:25, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

One of my favorite B3tans is despondant.
As you know, the Resident Loon has been made redundant and is feeling fed up as no work as yet has been forthcoming.

I think lots of gaz messages from his pals on here, giving hugs, cake, your mum etc and general good wishes will cheer him up a little and help him remember the good times.

I know you're all rooting for him so let's remind him.


And becky, we're all rooting for you too.
( girlinthehole, Tue 26 May 2009, 19:57, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Awaits backlash
Gets bored and goes to make some dinner
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 26 May 2009, 19:50, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've had a great day.
But I'm just going to spam some photos: www.flickr.com/photos/mr90nz0/

=)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 26 May 2009, 18:35, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

whats the point of it all

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 26 May 2009, 18:23, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

before the internet
what did people do at work before the internet was around?

I refuse to believe that everyone worked hard, all the time
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:51, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)