I really want the QotW
to be one where I can tell my story about how I burst in on two people fucking whilst dressed as a bear.

What story do you want to tell?
( WormuIus, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:53, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can anyone help settle an argument?
Who'd win in a fair fight between a Scientologist and a Jehovah's Witness?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 29 May 2009, 8:13, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Shite! I just heard the couple in the balcony opposite me having a screaming match
I saw the guy smack her around the face 3 times. (as in punch the fuck out of, not just a bitch slap). I called the cops - they just arrested the guy and she was carted off in an ambulance.

Waiting for the cops to knock on my door............
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 29 May 2009, 7:00, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If I was a guy, I would have a massive hard on right now.
I don't know why, but I am SUPERMAJORLYEXCITED about my trip to San Francisco tomorrow. I haven't done an impromptu trip somewhere in a long time, and certainly never done one that requires flying and stuff.
I haven't booked shit (as per my poll down there), but I will masturbate (no pictures, just take my word for it) and will at least try some good Napa wine.
Have also found out it's highly illegal to scatter ashes in the Bay unless you have a licensed boat, or are a minimum of 500 feet off shore...so I figure the Pier will be fine ;) Or the back of the boat doing the Bay cruise :D
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 29 May 2009, 6:25, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello. I'm a MOD.
Have any of you got any complaints?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 28 May 2009, 23:49, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ginger Pubes!
The sensitive portrayal of a number of individuals all struggling with Tourette's syndrome on BBC2 is providing some heart-wrenching moments as well as insight into how difficult every day situations can be for those affected.

I get to the point of wanting to shed a tear and then without warning the subject shouts "Fuck off!" at random intervals which sends me to apoplexy.

Am I a bad person?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 May 2009, 21:37, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hi there, all.
The lovely BGB has told me I should come back in here and take a look around. Imagine my surprise at finding my Inbox full of new messages of encouragement and support...

I will admit, this is being a hard time for me. I'm entering my fourth week of unemployment, and am nervous to say the least. I got a message from an engineer I used to work with, a classmate of mine who went on to get his Masters in mechanical engineering, and he tells me that he's been out of work since mid March and is starting to look for a job in other states.

This scares the almighty sugary fuck out of me. If he can't get a job, what does that bode for me?

I've been spending my days recently trying to stay busy around the house. I've painted my porch, done a lot of yardwork, had a tree cut down and have been splitting the logs myself, have worked on stained glass and metalwork, and generally tried to stay away from the computer other than email so I would feel that I had accomplished something with my day- because otherwise I would start down a very dangerous spiral that would end in the dark place. I've been consciously fighting depression with activity, and consequently haven't seen much of what's been going on over here.

It will take me time to answer everyone who messaged me, but I will do so. For now, I just want to express my thanks and appreciation for all of you. Your messages came to me at a time when I've been feeling especially down and worthless. They helped lift me out of the grey clouds and back into the sunlight again. I'm not ashamed to admit that there may have been a few tears involved.

You're all a very kind and caring bunch, and I'm very happy to know you all, even if it be only through text.

Thank you.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 May 2009, 21:00, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good evening lovely b3tans.
A pan of the most delicious brownies in the world has just come out of the oven, I'm listening to really awful cheesy music and singing along tunelessly (flatmate is at work), and it's Friday tomorrow.

Why are you happy?
( Maladicta, Thu 28 May 2009, 20:39, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who would you rather fuck...
Your Mum or your Dad?

It's, err... for my degree*

Mullered
*Well, most football Forums have this sort of question on them.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 May 2009, 19:33, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

NOOOOOO!
I have just blown my entire afternoon off on Zilch.

May the devil roast your stomach in hell, TGB.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 May 2009, 18:54, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yay, my first mini poll
What should I do Saturday in San Francisco





( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 28 May 2009, 18:12, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last minute holidays...
Where do you find good cheap late deals on family holidays?

I need to spend some redundancy money on happy things and sunshine.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:23, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been thinking
of taking my Henry vacuum cleaner, painting it a different colour, giving it a monocle and a fancy moustache, painting on an iron cross, affixing a sharp pointy point on top and renaming it Heinrich

thoughts?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 16:21, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh internet
When will you learn?
www.b3ta.com/questions/unexpectednudity/post433630
( WormuIus, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:49, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What lines from stuff spring into your collective heads at weird times
I tend to get lines from Blackadder and similar, my favourite being:

"Drugged, by God"
"No, by Baldrick actually, but the effect is much the same"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:39, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm such a card.
*pimps*


www.b3ta.com/questions/unexpectednudity/
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 May 2009, 15:09, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm looking for an interesting way of annoying the wife
We're moving house soon. I have the good fortune to work from home and so will be requisitioning the smallest bedroom as my office.

Mrs 'bulb has already picked the decor for our daughters' room, and likely has some idea how everything will look. I, of course, will be paying for it all, and will have no say in anything. But I WILL be decorating my office.

And I'm looking for a decor that's a surefire way of arousing her wrath and impotent rage every time she sees it. I'm looking to you, my fellow b3tans, to help...

Ideas so far: 1) papier mache head mounted on wall to look as if the person has just been shoved through it ... blood and all.

2) I really like the stormtrooper with the watering can in OT ...

3) Mega-gothic-emo-thrash-metal -eque decor with dribbling candles and all. Anyone know where I can find some unusual wallpaper?

.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Thu 28 May 2009, 14:30, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Has something interesting happened today?
Someone please summarise in the replies, i'll it check later. I read something about Edmund posting something and becky fighting cr3.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 May 2009, 14:08, 55 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This Mortal Coil...
If you were to decide to shuffle it off (ooh err missus etc) how would you do it?

I always thought that disembowelment whilst hangliding would be nice - floating of into the sunset, dripping innards and all that sort of quasi-romantic imagery.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 28 May 2009, 13:57, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

anyone noticed that it's getting more like Hollyoaks on here every day
only with slightly better acting?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 13:44, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

so becky's post has been eliminated
from the best of the last qotw. interesting....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 May 2009, 13:37, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

definitely worth a watch tonight
BBC 1 9.00pm: "Tourettes - I swear I can't help it"

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00ksj56
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 28 May 2009, 13:24, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm off to the dry cleaners
Need to drop off my suit for cleaning.

Oh and update my CV and call everyone I've ever worked with.

I wonder if any of my shirts still fit?

*Goes to pub to drown redundancy sorrows*
(bill, Thu 28 May 2009, 13:14, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh dear....
I've accidently gotten drunk on Strongboy and Watermellon Bicardi Breezers.

=/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 May 2009, 13:04, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where's Kaol?
has someone eaten him?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 28 May 2009, 12:54, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I need to settle an argument
so, good citizens of b3ta:

Who would win in a fight - Batman or Wolverine?
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Thu 28 May 2009, 12:45, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just been informed that getting a hard on while wearing jeans is a big no no
is this true?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 28 May 2009, 12:07, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Haha, what a load of shite...
Just was on msn.com, and saw "Top 10 'Jump Out Of Your Seat' Moments, and thought I'd give it a look.

What a load of shite.

entertainment.uk.msn.com/movies/galleries/gallery.aspx?cp-documentid=16102530

Opinions (of the ones I've seen)

Deep Blue Sea - Poor poor film, why not Jaws?
The Descent - Shite film
Se7en - I'll admit, that bit shit me up
Carrie - Maybe scary when it came out, but I expected it to happen.
The omen - What? How will that make you jump?
Final Destination - One of the funniest things I've ever seen in Cinema.

How about some alternative suggestions?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 May 2009, 11:51, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)