Worst panic attack ever....
I occassionally have panic attacks, usually induced by my emetophobia. Tonight, I had one so bad I almost called an ambulance as I was freaking the FUCK out.
Never had one in this apartment, and due to the layout of the complex I can't do what I usually do (go outside with a blanket and book) as I would look a twat.
I ended up rocking in the empty bathtub :(
Feeling a bit better now, but still seriously shaky....
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 7:18, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

attention footie-loving b3tards
I've set up a premiership fantasy league for b3tards on fantasy.premierleague.com
leaguename: B3tards
Code to join: 573020-126407

It's fun and fairly low maintenance as pools go. If some of your players are inactive in any given week, the game subs for them automatically from your reserves.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 3:29, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As I've just revealed on /links
The movie Big Fish makes me blub like a prepubescent recently orphaned schoolgirl cradling a dead puppy with onions on her eyes. Every damn time.
Everyone I recommend the movie to, on the other hand, just goes "Muh. It was alright. The bit where time stopped was cool".
I just wondered if anyone else is deeply moved by something that no-one else gives half a shit about.
Alternatively, what movies make you blub like... well, like a prepubescent recently orphaned schoolgirl cradling a dead puppy with onions on her eyes?
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 2:52, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I think I may have caused permanent damage this time.
I was out getting groceries tonight when I had the urge for something really good for dinner. I finished up at the supermarket and went to Fresh Market to get a shish kebab, and waited my turn in line patiently.

I had my kebab in hand when a thin blonde woman with a shrill nasal voice behind me asked the guy at the counter, "How do you prepare your chicken?"

I turned to her and said, "They look at it and say, 'Brace yerself, I'm comin' in!'" This last part was delivered in my best Scottish accent with a manic grin.

As the twin jets of flame shot from her ears and her eyes showed a television test pattern I headed for the cashier with my kebab and the warm satisfied glow of a job well done.

What have you done lately to make someone's day more surreal?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 28 Jul 2009, 23:39, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good evening fluffeh types!


I r off to Paris for the weekend next month. How are we all?
( Maladicta, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 19:43, 87 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

LOL!
I just found out that someone who knows my family comes on here ;) It did do make me giggle and glee.

Also, fucking time differences are annoying. For me, the baby was born July 27th, yet for everyone else back home she was born July 28th. Ah well, I'll just spoil her and send her 2 birthday cards next year!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 19:14, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For reference
the halloumi stuffed peppers were fucking amazing. heartily recommend the recipe.

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1331/halloumi-stuffed-peppers

I cooked some fresh shrooms and used those rather than a jar and added finely chopped red onion. nom nom.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 18:34, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Crikey
I go away for a few days and suddenly previously amiable people are at each other's throats. What with all the people suddenly developing vaginas and then getting sand up them, I'm not at all sure I haven't fallen into some weird alternate /OT.

Used to be that people acted like cunts to each other in a good-natured way, now it seems to have taken on a distinct edge. Are all the nice ladies and gentlemen on here synchronising their periods or something?
( Kroney, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 17:22, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fish and chips for dinner for me for tonight for real.
What do you get from the chippy?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 17:04, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My kettle died after 7 years of service
Put the kettle on late last night and halfway through boiling, it made a loud noise not unlike an electricity substation burning out. I went through into the kitchen and although the kettle carried on boiling, there was smoke coming from beneath. I emptied the water out and turned it over and there was a sall hole with smoke pouring out.

That's not good, thought I, so I said its last rites and took it outside and left it on the garden path just in case it set fire to the wheelie-bin. My eldest took the base outside and left it with the kettle.

This morning, I got ready to go to Comet and buy a replacement and when I left the house, I noticed that someone had taken the old kettle.

So, what examples of utter pikeyness have you encountered in your neighbourhood?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 17:03, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hidden camera
What was that hidden camera show that was on a few years ago? It was like a Candid Camera style show, but instead of piss-poor pranks, they scared the shit out of people with elaborate horror movie style japes?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 16:56, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Damn!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/8172777.stm

Why did I ever leave the school?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 16:52, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Whoever figures out what
FOSAYBNCA stands for can have a lollypop.

If you suck at all those confusing squiggles people call letters (looking at you Dok)then instead you can talk about what modification you would most like to have on your car. If you don't have a car steal a bus and modify that.

I'd like some lane jumper seeking misiles for those people that zoom intentianally down the wrong lane and then cut into the heavily queuing traffic. Basically you can also go on a tangent about how you hate commuters/bus drivers/people as well. I like to give you guys options
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 15:48, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've decided to have another try at the cross trainer in the gym after work.
Who wants to come and watch me excercise like a spakker?
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 15:42, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bored at work
and I can already practically taste what I am making for dinner
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1331/halloumi-stuffed-peppers

going to work on some music stuff tonight with my drummer.

what are you up to tonight?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 15:15, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

CSI: Staines
www.popularmechanics.com/technology/military_law/4325774.html

Turns out that everything my company does - except for the specific area I'm involved with - is pretty much "because I said so and I'm an expert". And "I'm an expert because I've been saying so for a long time" at that.

What's caused you to feel superior to your colleagues lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 14:29, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

To any hotelier-zoologists out there:
"If you think you don't suck, you probably do"

See that? That's SCIENCE, that is.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 13:50, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is off topic dying?
Is this now the death rattle? MTFU people, you're b3tans and I demand interesting and amusing things to read on my lunchbreak.

CONSIDER YOURSELVES WARNED
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 13:12, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Let's whet some appetites...
...I know a secret, and I'm not allowed to say what it is. All I can say is that someone I know worked on the estate of Philip Larkin, and got to handle a bunch of tremendously interesting and revealing information. (That might only be interesting to those of a literary bent.)

What secrets can you tease us with, without actually telling us?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 11:27, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yawn
Wow exciting topics there guys, the only consolation I have is that obviously very few people give a shit about cats any more.

Question: If your life was a horror film and you turned into the murderous freakish killer (assuming you haven't already) what would be your prefered way of killing off your co-workers/neightbourhood children/cats etc? Bonus points for vague plot points or creepy costumes
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 10:49, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

further band stuff
our bass player is a graphic designer who is putting together the artwork for the cd sleeve.

there is a discussion going on about who to thank on the sleeve. I'm of the opinion that it shouldn't read like a bad award acceptance speech so should pretty much say thanks to the guy who paid for the studio time, thanks to the people who lent us cymbals and drumkit and thanks to everyone for their support.

the others want to list a bunch of people. this annoys me. particularly as one of them is my brother who repeatedly goes on that we wouldn't even have a band without him because he was friends with two of the guys in it first.

what do you reckon?

edit: oh god, bass player just emailed to say the thanks bit should be called "Bear hugs" because of our band name....I think I might kill him.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 10:44, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pussy
www.thisisbristol.co.uk/homepage/Cats-Bristol-desperate-new-homes/article-1201369-detail/article.html
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 9:09, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Copyrighting
my band is in the process of producing a CD of our stuff. I'd appreciate any advice about what we need to do, or what is advisable to do with regard to copyright.

thanks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 8:41, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gooooooood morning b3ta !
This is not a test, this is a morning thread, rockin' from the /talk to the /offtopic, it's O 6 thirty five, what does the Oh stand for it stands for OH MY GOD, IT'S TOO EARLY !.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 6:35, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Isabelle Beatrice
was born an hour and a half ago :). I love you,baby girl
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 5:06, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Would post this on links but meh
67.199.7.46/_media/imgs/articles2/a96762_v8.jpg

Mr Bin says he'd do the one in the middle but be thinking of the one on the left.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 22:36, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who wants to help me revise?
Big exam on Friday and I don't really want to fail and have to resit in a month.

Sooooo...If you were an ectoparasite, which one would you be and what would be your special power?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 22:10, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have to confess to being rather impressed with Mr Bin right now.
So we had not long finished our dinner when there was a knock at the door.
It was a salesman from Sky.

Sky Man: Hello, who do you get your TV and 'phone through?
Mr Bin: Virgin, and I'm sorry but you can't better what we get.
SM: Oh we can.
MB: No you can't. We get 20mg and you don't do 20mg.
SM: Well that's the reason, we're starting to provide 20mg.
MB: Not down copper you're not.
SM: Well I doubt your getting 20mg from Virgin.
MB: Well near enough, I get 18.5 because it's down fibre optic and the exchange is at the end of the street.
SM: Well you can get 15mg down copper.
MB: Yes but that's not 20mg is it.
SM: No. Bye then


Ha Sky Man.

How have you told people who knock at your door to fuck off.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 27 Jul 2009, 20:42, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Have you ever considered changing your name? Either a forum name or your actual name?
I considered changing this to beckyletters or moreinfluentialthanhitler, but decided I couldn't be bothered with typing either in when I logged in each day.

If I were to change my real name I'd change it to something spectacular that no one would forget.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 19:38, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)