TUESDAY! Back to work!
I watched my favourite episode of Red Dwarf this weekend so on that thought..

Tell me how you lost your virginity.

.
( Peej, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 7:38, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I got sprayed with CS gas on the street by a hoodie on Friday.
I had to go to A&E and give Evidence. A&E in East London on a Friday night isn't pleasant, with all the thugs giving doctors and nurses grief.

So my question is this: how would you deal with drunken thugs, covered with cuts and blood, who give you grief while trying to carry out your job?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 21:58, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Show me your wallpapers
as in desktop printscreens of them. I'm getting bored of my current desktop and want some inspiration for a new one.

Alternately, what are you doing on your last night of freedom before work starts up again tomorrow?

YM is a prerequisite
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 20:51, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Wire
Everyone keeps saying it's brilliant, so I finally started watching season 1.

Just seen them solve a murder using only the word Fuck (and variations thereof). Awesome!

What have you had recommended lately that's turned out to be dead good?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 13:42, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What makes you feel old?
Friday I took my youngest daughter off to college/university, my oldest daughter told us she is pregnant and going to have the baby, my birthday is coming up, and my back is f-ing killing me.

(Of course I am ancient compared to most of you considering that before most of you were born, I was a hot shit graduate student with a top of the line PC with two floppy drives, one for the program and one for the data and a whole 512 K memory.

Only time I ever even came close to being cool.)
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 12:20, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I told this
to a few b3tans at the weekend, and it reminded me that I'd not actually told anyone else yet.

A few months ago I adopted a 2-year old kitteh from the RSPCA. Pic in replies.

After I bought him, I found out from his paperwork that he's actually a purebreed pedigree cat - a Russian Black. Now, pedigree to me means only one thing, and that's that he's absolutely spaztasically inbred.

So far, he's completely failed to banish any preconceptions I'd had about pedigree animals. He is without a doubt, the stupidest, most graceless cat I've ever come across.

He's completely perplexed by the catflap, and has to be shown every time how to use it. It's become an evening ritual - he paws the catflap gormlessly while mewing pathetically at it, and after about half an hour I walk over and push his head through it.

He attempted to jump onto my bed this morning (a whole 2 foot jump from the floor), missed, then slid off.

In short, he's completely full of epic fail.

It was only natural then that there was only one name I could give him. He's called Catface.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 10:57, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Have a bank holiday


home sweet home thread.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 8:50, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

All right?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 30 Aug 2009, 23:37, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ugh, we've had temperatures over 100 degrees for four days straight.
We've got wildfires burning up in Los Angeles.
I'm sat in my apartment with the air conditioning on 'cos it's just too bloody hot to hang out by the pool.
The cats are hanging out in the bedroom under the bed and there's water in every room for them.

I think I need a nice cold beer!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 30 Aug 2009, 20:30, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine...

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 30 Aug 2009, 7:37, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, you've all ovbously got some sort of 'social' life, or 'offline' life, or something like that.
And you've all ovbously decided that spending your saturday nights sat at home in your skidmarked underpants eating home made humous* with salt'n'vinigar pringles** isn't good enough anymore.

So, what are your other online haunts?


* Gotta love that home made humous, it's like an edable arts'n'crafts project, oh man, I can't wait to get some mates so I can show this off too. I know, i'll make some for Mum's bridge club, the girls'll love that. I'm such a good boy.
** Oh look, special offer, another 5 cans and I can go pictures with someone 241. I'll put it in the b3ta caneldar.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 30 Aug 2009, 2:21, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello everybody.
My name is Bill and I am an alcoholic.
Tell me what my next drink should be.
(bill, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 23:15, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

All right?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 18:56, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello dying OT
Lately I have been sorting out my next musical album, organising my holiday on Monday, playing with my new shiny iPhone because I am now a full on iWhore (One iPod Nano, one iPhone 3GS and one MacBook Pro say so), and I have been trying to get in contact with my half brother and my biological dad, whom I have never seen and last saw about 20 years ago respectively, so I am expecting some sort of hilarity to ensue if they agree to meet with me.

What have all you fine folks been doing with your lives lately?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 17:24, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

no balloons
No cake? No party poppers and dancing girls?

I was told the last day of off topic was going to be a bit grander than this!

Oh well I have my own candle now and its mighty pretty
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 12:03, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Blimey
OT is as dead as the Queen Mother.

Deader, possibly.

Have I missed something? Is the rotting corpse of OT being cremated, or floated down the Ganges or something?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 21:57, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In tribute to Mike Woz Ere's list of /talk failure(see his profle for details)...I am compiling a list of QOTW fails.
Send me you favourite examples of Crippling Undiagnosed Aspergers, Attention Seeking, Painfully Obvious Lies About Sex, Internet Hard Men and Stuff For The Too Much Information File.

All donations gratefully received.

cheers
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 15:55, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright
All you HOT GIRLS

I want your seductive gazzes and photos of your vaginas in my gazbox right now.

THIS IS REVERSE PANDERING It'll work.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 15:00, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just got back from the pub
I've got a lovely pint of cider inside me and have 2hrs 40mins left of my last day. I also have a new skiing hat courtesy of my colleagues =D

What do you have inside you today? Alternatively, what presents have you received recently?
( Captain V, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 14:19, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright I've shared.
Now I want to hear your sexual fantasies.
No lying, this is QotW after all.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 13:16, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ok, i was trying to open the xbox case to check th damage after dropping it, and there is a "B" carved under one of the feet. Any ideas?
similarly the question: what weird/unusual markings/things have you found in/on stuff that you bought/given?
(Usernameless Wooh, scary. Not really., Fri 28 Aug 2009, 13:08, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tired of hairy babies?
This should sort out that problem quite nicely.
Tell me your naughty thoughts.
( thealternativefact, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 12:04, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It has long been discussed that Captain V

has the face of a cat.

But what animal face would you like? I would like an elephants face so that I could use my trunk to wank do good deeds.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:01, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Overheard yesterday:
Just as I got home yesterday, there was a man walking along the street talking on his phone.
"Hiya," he said to whomever was on the other end. "I've just been mugged. Will you ring the police for me?"

I can make no sense of this whatsoever. Any ideas?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:38, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been advised
to make a 'mix-tape' CD of songs to keep me calm whilst giving birth (because I'm sure a nice song will relax me when I'm trying to push a baby out...).

Since I can't be arsed to think of any appropriate music, and since I can only think of inappropriate tunes, I wondered if any b3tans could help list some completely inappropriate music for my child to be born to.

My colleagues and I have so far come up with:
The Caco-Daemon - Satan Spawn (I don't know this song, so assume it's all lovely and melodic?!)
Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire
Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child
Madonna - Push (not sure how inappropriate this is actually).
Kings of Leon - Sex on fire


i'm sure you can come up with some more, and better - my musical knowledge is sadly lacking, plus I have the memory of goldfish at the moment.
( ascorbate, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:17, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Not too nasty I said
She thought a woman getting kicked and punched in the face several times was pretty nasty and went to bed.
( Peej, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 10:17, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Officially living in a lot of sin.
Right, so the bright spot in me n' Catface's life at the mo - and it's one hell of a shiny bright spot - is that he is moving in this weekend. I can't frickin' wait! As of tonight we will be cohabiting in domestic bliss.

So, what chores should I make him do?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 9:11, 77 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mornin' Peaps


Got any plans for the weekend?

How many hours will you sit in godawful Bank Holiday traffic jams this weekend?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 7:45, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cor! What a week it's been!
Looking for a place to buy = stress
Bosses wife being sectioned (5150'd for the yanks) = stress
Running the office = stress
Finding another black widow in bbq = stress
Boyfriend away all week = stress

Camping tomorrow night and having a massive piss up Saturday while fishing = FUN FUCKING TIMES! And muchly worth the stress!

How's your week been, then?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 3:07, 1 reply, 16 years ago)