Lesbianism! A brilliant concept or a waste of a good woman?
Here you go Bert. This thread will bring everyone out of the woodwork.


Pfft! Well it worked like a dream last time.


Yay for lesbianism - I'm a thread starter......twisted thread starter.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:41, 131 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As it's quiet
I'll do another post.

Where's Kaol with his film reviews? I want him to see that Inglourious Basterds and tell me if it's any good. -and has he stopped doing Kaol Black? Surely he can't have run out of ideas already?
...and where's Labia Majora with his comic strip? -and that other bloke with the one he steals from other websites?

Where is everybody?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 14:23, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ghost Atreides
I saw your post at the weekend, but I've only just been able to get online for long enough to reply.

Some advice to you, or anybody who is considering meeting their long-lost parents;

Be open-minded, have low expectations. I was pretty open minded about meeting my biological Dad, but my brother wasn't. Dad just wanted to be mates and not really have a lot to do with us, 30 year old brother wanted Daddy cuddles, games of football in the park and holding hands while out on picnics. As you can imagine, this caused big problems between them.

Get to know him, and any long-lost siblings by email, text or networking sites for a few months first. This will be particularly useful if their family turn out to be a bunch of lunatic-mentals. My bio-Dad was divorcing his new wife when I met him, I got dragged into their mess.

If one of your new-found, long-lost siblings develops a crush on you RUN I can't blame her on this one, not because I think she was attracted to my dazzling looks or sparkling personality; I most young women would probably fall for a younger, nicer version of their own father, and a certain condition some long-lost relatives suffer from called GSA (genetic sexual attraction), may have been a factor.

So there you go, if none of this is relevant to you reading this, can somebody please tell me; Is Tweety-pie male or female? -it's been bugging me for years.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 13:41, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

WHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I exchange on Friday, i'll have a wee bachelor pad all of my ownsome, at last!

As you were, nothing to see here
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 13:26, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

K is for KANGAROO SPUNK
I saw an old episode of QI on channel Dave last night. Female kangaroos have three vaginas and two uterus's'sss / uteri wombs. Male kangaroos have one penis, split in two. What anatomical quirks do you have / wish you had? If you had to be a kangaroo, would you choose to be male or female?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 12:22, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm at work, bored, horny and feeling a bit bolshy.
What can I shop for on the internet?
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 10:13, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stuff for FREE
went to the dump last night to throw out some cardboard, and as normal, i had a wee look in at the 'electrical equipment' bit...i once found an almost brand new Dyson, the same model as mine, it was broke but i canabilised it for about £60 worth of bits mine needed, desperately.

Anyway, i saw the speaker cable bolts that indicated there was reasonably hi-spec amplifier. I went over and checked and it was actually Kenwood AV amplifier, exactly the same model i had bought 15 years ago. Although the one i had bought had long since perished. This one is actually better spec and is practically brand new looking. Right beside it are 2 surround speakers, kenwood also, EXACTLY the same ones i purchased when i bought the kenwood amp, AND i am still using them in my garage...£120 i paid for them...The pair i have just found, like the amp, look brand new. A spooky, but very welcome co-incidence.

Brought them home, wired them up, and they work perfectly. SO the question is, have you found some cracking stuff, or even chucked out some good items that didn't really deserve it?


*reaches for croissant and coffee*

/smug
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 9:29, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love Leeds.
One of the many reasons why:
Poo Girl
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 8:42, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is anybody else having problems with their gmail??
I logged on to msn to find I had over 20 "account enquiries" about my password and username - then tried to log in, only to find I can't. I've tried resetting my password about four times now. I still can't get in. :(
I hope nobody has been trying to get into it. :(

Has anyone else had this sort of problem within the last couple of days?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 2 Sep 2009, 8:09, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I AM 5


Click REVEAL to see what is inside the cake*

*the patron cake of LIES
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 4:42, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

we've just had the most fantastic electric storm!
the firmament got utterly rent assunder.
and mark my word!

anyone else seen a good storm (or other visual/sonic treat) lately?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 22:57, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right boys &girls
I have a sincere request for suggestions from you good people.
As you may or may not know I'm half* of The Belmers** (a happy-type acoustic duo) and we've lately been experimenting with acoustic arrangements*** of well-known songs - a bit like the brilliant version of 'Hey Ya' by Matt Weddle. Pooflake (the other half of the Belmers) has come up with a version of 'Rio' that sounds awesome. Do any of you guys & gals have any other ideas for tracks? Bear in mind** below and the fact that we generally base our backing tracks on MIDI files we get free off t'interweb but other than that be as inventive as you like!

Thanks.
CP

*only numerically speaking. Pooflake's the talent, I'm just the 'eye candy'.
**Least talented and laziest band in Christendom.
*** 'Arrangements - word used with a due sense of irony.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:33, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today i celebrated my 40th birthday by purchasing a flat-pack kitchen. It doesn't get any better than this...
and now i'm home sweet home...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:13, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you had to kill and eat a b3tan for survival purposes
who would you choose?
I choose Al because he's made of Bacon (and win)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 20:08, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you had to be a furry
What would your plush costume be for the QotW furry charity party?
All proceeds to:
www.nas.org.uk/
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 18:25, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Goddamn it I am bored
I'm supposed to be running this place, and I really can't be arsed.


What can't you be arsed doing (today, tomorrow - ym doesn't count, cause nobody can be arsed doing her)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 16:29, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm in a shitty, shitty mood.
Who thinks this is the ideal time to go and talk to my boss?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 15:11, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm too exhausted to think right now
So it falls to you, patrons of off topic, to help me decide which pub we should invade on talk like a pirate day to celebrate my birthday.
( Captain V, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 15:01, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Other than the fact
that I intend to steal DiT's Mrs away from him whilst listening to The Archers, what else makes me a middle class twat.

Funny answers please, I won't read them until this evening.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 14:32, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cookery time
I've got a hankering for some falafel. Anyone got a tried and tested recipe that they can donate to me?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 14:29, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A bit of a shot in the dark, but here goes.
I've been invited to a fancy dress party, and someone suggested Rimmer as an idea for a costume for me. Yes, I am aware they are taking the piss, but still.

Any ideas where I might find one? Tried Google, and oddly enough, no joy.

Ideas?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 14:25, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am at home, making pasties. My house smells of pasties.
Vipros is a smug bastard.
Kaol is a delusional vampire.
Chompers is a girl pandering to other girls.
Captain V is a gnome.
Edit: Clendrix is a midget-hating racist.

What other b3tans' characteristics should we be celebrating?
( thealternativefact, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 12:30, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning campers
I have returned from that most amazing experience of my life: Leeds.
Bands were fantastic, new friends were hilarious, amtmosphere was incredible and I would do anything to still be there. Having said that, a proper flushing toilet is a beautiful, beautiful thing. The first thing I did when I got home was flush our toilet - not use, just flush.

Did I achieve all things on my list? Checkity check check. And then some.

AND I met my first proper B3tan, Lampito, even if it was just for a quick chat. :)
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 11:28, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today I appear to be somewhat broken
stupid lifting stupid boxes stupid lumbar muscles fail.

ENTERTAIN ME YOU CUNTS
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 10:46, 84 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If I were a ______________________, I'd totally _____________________.
And then you'd be all _________________.

Blankety blank, blankety blank.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 9:50, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I spent my bank holiday redecorating.

Anyone who was ever involved in the manufacture, sales, distribution or installation of woodchip wallpaper should be shot under laws pertaining to crimes against humanity.

What do you wish had never been invented?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 9:12, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy 40th Birthday To Me!!
By some ungodly miracle i've made it thus far...
Woo-Yay!
feeling it a bit this morning: had pizza, red wine, beer and bacardi&coke last night...
and now i'm sitting here waiting for life to begin...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 1 Sep 2009, 9:01, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning fruits
I've had a productive weekend, played at a small festival which was a great laugh, got very wasted (afternoon rum drinking ftw), ate some delicious food (ribs were the highlight, naturally) and bought myself a second surfboard.

what are your recent achievements?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 8:52, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON! I want your BACON-related stuff here. GIVE ME BACON

HOW LOVELY BACON IS MADE MOTHERFUCKERS

Help make this thread 100% pure BACON.
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 8:26, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)