My mate matt
Is trying to make his millions. Have a wee look at his blog: authspot.com/journals/making-money-with-online-articles-day-one-post-one/

If anything he's pretty funny. :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 3:01, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just got an email from clark gable
Apparently he is serving in Iraq and has some funds he needs to move.


Got any fun spam lately? Not necessarily from famous dead people.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 12 Sep 2009, 23:27, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Eve Online
Does anyone on B3ta play EVE?
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Sat 12 Sep 2009, 18:53, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

The Weekend Thread
Thank Fuck It's Saturday. But you know when you spend all week getting up at 7am, and every morning you wish you could sleep as long as you like. Next thing you know, come Saturday and you wake up at 7am on the dot as fresh as a kipper on coke. Well that was me today.

So I've been listening to some quite mellow albums as it rains outside. I can sup tea and feel all warm. Currently listening to Air - Moon Safari, but I've gone through Wish You Were Here (Floyd) and Terror Twilight by Pavement.. Anyone have any nice recommendations?

Alternatively - what's on this weekend? On a scale of 1 to 10 how drunk are you getting?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Sat 12 Sep 2009, 9:31, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So we've had goatse, 2 girls one cup, mr hands, 1 man 1 jar....
What treasure shall the internet bestow upon us next? Never in my wildest dreams when surfing the net on dial up and wathing my porn load line by line did I ever think it would get this good.

I bet theirs an untapped hoard of depravity just waiting to be unloaded into the western world from africa. As soon as they get the internet that is.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 21:58, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My cock
is getting steadily harder as I wait for Derren Brown to reveal how he did it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 21:04, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In a few hours
I will be at a concert in that there London town. I'm very excited.

What do you have planned for later?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 16:12, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you could murder
one person you know, who would it be, how would you do it and why?

Personally i would like to keep my boss in a cellar and leave her to starve to death. But have a one way viewing window were she could see me nomming chops and roast potatoes, but i couldn't see her.

why?

cos she is a fat hunchbacked cunt, with corned beef bingo wings who thinks she is a great manager, but sadly is only good at being an annoying bastard.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 15:08, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm doing an abseil for the Stroke Association on the 31st October
Does anyone want to sponsor me?

I'm also terrified of heights.

*Edit* Link to Just Giving website in replies.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:14, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

b3tans on the big-time
Here we have a /links fella hitting the front page of the Guardian online:

www.guardian.co.uk/media/mediamonkeyblog/2009/sep/11/derren-brown-youtube-theory

And here we have an image challenge being bastardised by The Sun, apaprently it was on page 2 or 3:

www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2632001/Fans-recreate-famous-album-covers-with-household-items.html


Isn't this splendid! Who do you think would make the best b3ta celebrity? And what should they be famous for??
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:34, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just over a week til I move out.
Oh my god. *hyperventilates*
Its not that I don't want to go to uni, I can't wait to move out of this shithole of a town, dammit and I thrive in new situations. But starting university means I am one step closer to becoming a responsible adult. And that, frankly, scares the shit out of me. This summer (despite the occasional bad bit) has been the best time of my life, and I don't want it to end. I don't want to grow up.

Tell me to MTFU, internets.
And then tell me what age you'd like to be forever. Or the age of the ideal shag.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:31, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ich bin uber furious
My boy has enrolled at sixth form, and is looking at two career paths. One legal (ideally a barrister) and chose A level psychology and law and also robotic engineering so also chose A level maths and physics.

He called me earlier sounding upset and said that he's been kicked off the physics course because he got a D in one part of his GCSE science. Now the college have done this not because he won't manage the subject matter because frankly he'd piss it, it's because of results tables.

So in one swift display of college politics they have not only planted a seed of doubt in his mind, they have effectively blocked one of his avenues for the future. He said he's looked at the list of what else he can do and ticked English lit., media or photography. The rest of the subjects he has no former experience of or interest in.

I've left a message so the physics teacher will phone me back about it, but on the off-chance that he doesn't, does anyone have a Honda Accord I can borrow for the weekend?

Yours Vitriolic,
SLVA..
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 12:35, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

B3ta in the Sun.
On page 39 (36 past the boobs) is an article about the recreate album cover image challenge.

Makes you feel proud, doesn't it.
(TheColonel, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 12:16, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've become quite cross after reading this article
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/sep/11/criminal-checks-parents-scouts?showallcomments=true

The comment at the end from Martin Narey in particular makes me seeth with fury. Anyone stupid enough not to draw the logical conclusion of that comment should be watched 24 hours a day as they are clearly only one step away from forgetting how to breathe. Stupid cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 12:01, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it possible to have a stresss related heart attack at 27 years old?
You see my arm feels a little tingley...

Alternatively, what has been your most horrific injury, extra points for pictures of scars/gashes/guts?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 10:36, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just choked quite badly on a Boost bar
what item of confectionery most recently tried to harm you in some way?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 10:10, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Grammar snobbery.
This can be a bit annoying.
Especially when the poster doesn't have the same command of English, that is , they're writing as a forriner.
So please don't pull people up about spelling and semi-colons/lobons?
Thank you.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 11 Sep 2009, 9:50, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Coldplay video
This has lots of views, so I won't post it on /links, but it's still worth seeing if you've not come across it yet.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYtk1Z0UUuE
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 9:27, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning Mongs!
I am sickened by my early arrival at work this morning.
What's sickening you today?
( thealternativefact, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 9:01, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dear oh dear ...
This headline: Boyle is 'edging closer' to Porno made me want to gouge out my eyes at the very thought! But the irresistable Tourette's (/wave) urge took over. And I CLICKED!!!

Phew. That could've been a lot worse.
(Que?, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 4:15, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So who's going to link me to the terrible bad things that were said ONLINE on the internet today
or did someone throw a hissy fit and throw their toys out of the pram and hit the delete button?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 21:26, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pfffft
Earlier today I got a text from a friend which was clearly not meant for my eyes. Therefore I am of course going to share it with all of you, and it reads thusly:
'yarr said I matey,
that would really shiver my timbers,
by that I mean cock'
damn you and your haiku related temptations!'

So....I have friends who are in to pirate porn and poetry. I hesitated to tell my friend his error but then I thought - sod it. How often do you get to rip the piss about something that odd?

What's the weirdest thing you've ever received that was meant for someone else?
(berk, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 20:30, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright, internet?
Anybody want to make wild and unfounded accusations? Let's use this thread.

Oh, obligatory question: If you were to go to any country in the world and do anything, what would it be?

EDIT: Kate Humble is taking it up the nile!

DOUBLE EDIT: The content of this programme is not what I expected.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 20:09, 138 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 19:16, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This week's question is going to be a classic.
I've already spotted two Desperately Unfunny Maddy Jokes, A Fritzl Prat, an obvious sex liar and an internet aspie for The Archive.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 18:21, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

WHO do you want to see naked?
I've got a long list including Terrell Owens, Alexander Skarsgård, Lady Gaga and ALL of you.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:18, 114 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Spare Mark Thomas Tickets
Hi all,

Turns out I have two one spare tickets for the Mark Thomas gig tonight in Greenwich. Anyone want them it at face value (£30 the pair £15)?
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:16, Reply)

FAO: Captain V
I came across this, and really feel that it might be helpful to you.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8243763.stm

Alternatively, any other suggestions you people have for him would be greatly appreciated.
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:53, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm going to copy'n'paste this because it deserves MOER ATTENCHAHN.
I've got a sollution for wide-yet-busy high streets, with people suddenly standing still and there being human trafic jams.

People Lanes, with an advertisment campaign.



ROAD
---------------
Stand still or whatever here
____<----______ One way
____---->______ Other Way
Stand still or whatever here
Shops




Where if you wish to stand still or stop, that's fine, as long as it's not in a person-lane, like a bike-lane.

It's simple like the whole "Draw a box around a cashpoint to indicate a 'please stand back'" thing.

I'm dead clever, me, I should be up for awards.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:36, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)