B3ta... help!
I'm so terribly bored. I have no motivation to do anything useful, all of my friends are busy or involved in family crises.

What can you do on your own that is fun?

(Have car, will travel!)

edit: Forgot that i am currently on b3ta. NOT THAT YOU DIRTY BASTARDS. Later..
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 17:38, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright?
Edit: I would like to formally and humbly appologize for forgetting about this thread, and as such, hope, somehow, some way, deep in your heart of hearts, you can forgive my tresspasses.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 17:23, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Married people
What's the weirdest excuse you've come up with in order to get drunk, or to score smoke, so that your partner doesn't clue in?
(knackerz is skinning up, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 13:14, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I saw this and thought of beckyletters.
www.explosm.net/comics/1814/

Sorry.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Sat 3 Oct 2009, 10:13, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

de, e, ead!
this place used to be mobbed - what happened to all the b3tards - i'd love a counter on here. i swear apart from the chimps on talk there are about 6 people on here of an evening


massive decline in b3tards: discuss
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 1:50, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For fucks sake.
America is so under the influence of "self entitlement" that the only fucking thing on the news right now is the fact that Chicago was eliminated first in the Olympics thingy today. And my god, it's all about "Obama failing to get the votes after he hit Copenhagen briefly to promote the city".

Boohooo. Rio will be more fun for everyone!

(Sorry Kristine, Loon and FWB, but it has been driving me crazy all day!)

Oooh, and the David Letterman thing is pissing me off to fuck, too! So he got laid!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 0:07, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Conspiracy? Aliens?
or just pikeys? You decide.
www.rte.ie/news/2009/1002/llamas.html

the traffic stopping llamas have gone AWOL
(knackerz is skinning up, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 0:00, Reply)

Hahahaha! I am a complete and utter bastard
I knew that mrs monkeysex was watching derren brown with her friends tonight, so at the point where he calls an 'unsuspecting' member of the public, I phoned her, withholding my number. When she answered I said, 'haha! -I'm not derren brown!' What a hilarious cunt I am.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 21:28, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Howay Kids.
It's Friday night, there ain't nuttin' goin' on.

I'm not working in any capacity whatsoever tomorrow.

I'm bored. Talk to me.

But not about cricket, thank you.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 20:35, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sorry, but last one honest!
The finalists for Miss Hull & District.

eventsconnect.co.uk/missengland/index.php?page=The-Entrants-Humberside

How did #26 not win? She has a very full sweater
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 16:30, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, we've all been reduced to drooling over pictures of scantily-clad women who put their make up on with a blunderbuss
So let's have a nice gay thread. Ladies and homos, which man would you most like to have tickling your uterus, and men if you had to, absolutely positively had to, which one of althegeordie's orifices would you stuff an aubergine into?

EDIT
Is it just me, or has this place become unbelievably shit lately? In the month that I've been back I've found it almost as boring as work.
What do you think is the reason for the downfall of Off Topic, and who, if anyone, do you blame the most?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 15:43, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Now let's take it down a level
to Miss England 2008

www.rosengurtt.co.uk/events_parties/contestants.aspx?eventNumber=14

In 2007, this was the best my town had to offer
www.rosengurtt.co.uk/events_parties/contestant_photos.aspx?event_id=10&part_id=229

Miss Middlesborough looks like she runs a pub.
www.rosengurtt.co.uk/events_parties/contestant_photos.aspx?event_id=10&part_id=231
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 15:29, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Shallow
Based on looks alone, Miss Iceland gets my vote, with maybe Miss Uruguay in second.

www.rosengurtt.co.uk/events_parties/contestants.aspx?eventNumber=16
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 14:43, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Random shuffle
Has just thrown up "Where there's a whip there's a way" by 80s band Faster Pussycat, which I downloaded in a fit of nostalgia a while back. What's on your random shuffle?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 12:12, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bored. I've got loads and loads of work to do but can't be arsed.
Could a hamster eat an entire elephant if it was cut up into sufficiently small pieces? Or would he prefer a pineapple with a wedge of cheese?

Answers in braille scored onto the flesh of your favourite b3tan.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 11:43, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've not been on b3ta much recently
what with having a job and all, so I was slightly surprised to actually have a dream about b3ta last night.

It was one of those really odd dreams, I was in the army along with Captain V, beckyjsbx, Devil in Tights and Poppet (yes I know, I was surprised too, obviously I don't know what she actually looks like, but whoever the person was, my mind had told me that was who they were meant to represent).

Now, we were out in a jungle (Predator stylee) and Captain V disappeared and we were looking for him but being really stealthy due to a horrible sense of impending death from some unknown quarter and I was getting that horrible entire body skin crawling fear like I knew something really bad was going to happen to me.

And then we were running madly down this track towards these gates which must have been the camp and I could feel something chasing us behind and it was getting really scary and I got that thing when you can't run properly (as my legs were clearly tangled in the duvet) and the others got ahead of me and the gates opened and I had to drag myself along with my arms and they all got to the gate but then becky and the camp commander got into this big argument about letting Poppet into the camp and the commander asked "Why can't she come in?" and Becky said "Because she hasn't got V, Sir!"


I'm going to go and do some work now.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 10:00, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What are you up to this weekend?
I'm playing a gig tonight, and off to Bath tomorrow to visit the other half's sister
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 10:00, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last night I had a dream.
I was in Blackpool by the beach and walked around for a short while and found a huge verdant valley behind some houses. Now we all know that Blackpool is as flat as a pancake.

What dreams involving geographical errors have you had?



*Bangs head on desk*
( girlinthehole, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 9:43, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

2nd hangover free day in a row...
this could become a habit!!!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 7:54, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm baaaaaaacccckkkkkkkkk!!!
Had a wonderful few days up in the mountains! Caught a bunch of trout and cooked one for dinner tonight (mmm....fresh trout!!).
Stealth is having his stitches out tomorrow, and I start my new job Monday.
Saturday is Bjorn Again (yeah, we're off to see an ABBA tribute band) and then next weekend is the major fishing tournament I qualified for!

Hope you've all had as wonderful a week! Yayness!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 5:22, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A traffic jam I wish I'd seen
www.rte.ie/news/2009/1001/lamas.html

I never knew they were indigenous
(Duckeee Is nothing special, in fact, she's a bit of a bore, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 23:02, Reply)

Greetings, you crazy motherfuckers.


What talent that you don't possess do you most admire?
( Maladicta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 19:25, 128 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woo hoo, I love skeleton keys!
I've been looking on Etsy and found a massive skeleton key that I really really want.
I'd show you but one of you cunts might snatch it up and then I'd have to kill you.

What do you collect?
Other than body parts in your freezer.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 16:05, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

/links had another Dawkins documentary this week
This one: b3ta.com/links/Dawkins_interviews_creationist

In the thread that ensued, many anti-Dawkins comments were posted. They seem based around the fact that he asserts himself with a zeal that really grinds those gears. I found myself so riled by these attacks I ended up defending dear old Dawkers at one point.

In my opinion, he's earned the right to be confident about his work. I think he's doing us all a favour. Tough love from a scientific father with a great big atheist slipper, if you will. Nobody likes being told they're wrong, but that's a side-effect of the far more important benefits of knowledge transfer.

What do you lot reckon? Is Dawkins a cunt, or is he the saviour of mankind?
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 15:14, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I don't know if they do this in Blighty...
but back when I lived in the Fatherland, at the middle school I attended during lunch the pupils would be offered fluoride tablets to take before their meal. Now, at the time I thought that Prefects handing out little pink pills from old plastic buckets could only mean one thing: Unhygienic Mind Control. So I always refused the pills.

Of course, twenty years down the line my teeth are starting to dissolve; so what do you regret about your childhood?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 15:01, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"Every year zillions of squid
is spent on culture for posh folks, many of whom is professional gaylords." Years on this is still the funniest line Sacha Baron Cohen has ever come out with.

For those of you who don't know me I'm a bit of a metal head (when I'm not listening to Erasure or Captain Beefheart). Anyhoo, at the moment I'm listening to my favourite ever piece of music: the 1812 Festival Overture by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. The full 15 minute version.

I'd give my left nut to hear it being played live and couldn't think of a more appropriate place to ask how I'd go about making that happen than here. I'd like to think this off-off topic request is mildly more entertaining than, "Nnnnng, my mouse doesn't work... how do I turn on my computer?" that we get every now and then.

Or failing that, if you bumped into your celebrity crush in the street what would your strategy be for getting them back to yours naked?
( djtrialprice, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 13:47, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Roosta is not as good as JMG
poor poor imitation.
( Peej, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 13:08, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You're all bummers
discuss
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:50, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wake up, cunts - the future's here and the future's got a cock in it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While you wait in line to administer oral gratification on my swollen love plums, I have a question I desperately need an answer for.

I have reasons for beleiving that an ex has got over me - I think this is the case because I saw some dude knuckle deep in her growler the other day in McDonalds. Being a reasonable mature adult I just want to know this - what's the most offensive thing I can post to my ex to let her know in as cowardly a way as possible that she is a bit of a slapper?

Or - how does Roosta manage to be both AWSOME and ATTRACTIVE at the same time.

Discuss underlings. Go on.
(Roosta, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 11:44, 89 replies, latest was 16 years ago)