I just remembered
that I know the girl who played Young Marian, in an episode of TV's Maid Marian and her Merry Men.

do you know anyone not particularly famous?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 14:47, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am a dick.
In order to make me feel comparably less stupid, tell me something stupid you've done recently.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 13:37, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I saw this all and thought of you B3ta
Hellblazer - The roots of coincidence, page 26 frame 5 and to quote John Constantine "Then stop whining and man the fuck up you bleeding ingrate"

Have you found anything b3ta like in obscure places?
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 12:56, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good afternoon world.
Does anybody own or has anybody ever used the Samsung Jet telephone?
I am considering purchasing one and the reviews I have seen seem to differentiate greatly.


Alternatively, what would you do to Tiffany Amber Thiessen given the oppurtunity? I'd make her a cup of tea and politely request a brief session of motorboating.
(TheColonel, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 12:42, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Unexpected Quirks.
I'll hold my hands up to it. I'm quite rich. And quite posh.

Father's in Debrett's, educated at that school that sounds like a Chineseman's greeting, job in the City, apartment in Kensington, met a fair few royals etc.

I'm the wrong side of 35 and my unexpected vice is this - I'm utterly in love with hardcore music, bands like American Nightmare, The Chariot, Dead Swans and Throats (my new faves after seeing them support the wonderful Rolo Tomassi on Saturday) and deathcore, typified by Arsonists Get All The Girls, Salt The Wound, Carnifex, etc.

It all started three years ago when I did a Mandarin lecture over at King's College, one of the students was wearing an American Nightmare t-shirt and on a whim I decided to check them out and was agape at their passion and integrity, and I've never looked back since. None of my toff friends will ever know, other than my gig buddy Bernard.

Bernard is around 55 and looks like Robin Cook. We discovered we were kindred spirits at work drinks, when I was wearing a Converge (my absolute favourite band) tshirt under my suit as I was off to see the aforementioned Chariot supporting Protest The Hero. Since then, we have been to several of the sweatiest nightspots around London watching bands we really shouldn't.

So if any of you young scamps are going to the Never Say Die tour, featuring the fantastic As Blood Runs Black, iwrestledabearonce and Oceano, and you see a tall man and a short man with an expanding beer gut, please don't laugh and instead come say hello.
(shadowfax, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 10:58, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have haribo
My sugar levels are through the ROOF and I am bouncing all over the place. I've switched my brain off today (which is why I am back here) so I am mainly flolloping, globbering, volluing, and vooning (Ten whole points for the person who gets the reference).
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 10:48, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today's ear worm goes like this:
"it's always gonna be sour grapes with you boy, until you get right with Jesus"

what stupid words have you got running through your head this morning?

Prizes for knowing the song stuck in mine without resorting to the internet. I'll know if you know it or if you are cheating.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 10:01, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

good morning cockwatchers!
we are running a bit of a competition that involves members of the public spotting out liveried 'mini cooper' and phoning the registration into a local radio station to win some shite or other.

the question is, what should the competition be known as...i have already proffered 'mini mystery' and 'mini challenge'...do any of you wonderful cunts have any better ideas?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 9:37, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here comes the rain
It's been quite a while since it last rained. I didn't miss it AT ALL.

What's back that you didn't miss?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 8:04, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This is spot on accurate to the current mood in my workplace!
www.theregister.co.uk/2009/10/02/bofh_2009_episode_12/
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 0:11, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Help!
I'm moving house and am surrounded by boxes and things I haven't packed and things that I should have packed but haven't.
And batteries. It's amazing how many batteries I've found.

Anyway I came on here for a bit of sanity. If that's any indication as to how I'm feeling this evening.
Frazzled doesn't cover it.

But I thought I'd pop on and say hi.

Hi.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:50, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So my fine folks
why did becky letters cancel her bash?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 20:20, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 19:33, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

DINNER THREAD TIME !
I really can't think up what I want, so I'm asking you what you're having and I might steal your idea if it peeks my interests.

Hurry up now, i'm starving and won't eat 'till one of you lot sort me out an idea.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 18:09, 42 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just a quick one
I've got a demo version of Office 2007. Came with my newish computer. It's fucking awful.

I need to get something else. Is open office any good? Any alternatives?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:46, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I made something cool today.....
90nz0.com/photos.php

It grabs my photos from flickr and does all that clever stuff. If you click on a set-title, you get more stuff.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 17:36, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How do you crucify a spastic?
on a swastika.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:06, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FUCK IT!
completely unprovoked I've got fucking Rhinestone Cowboy stuck in my head.

fucking ear worms! I'd been doing so well, even in the face of Kaol texting me at midnight when I'm stoned with lyrics from the song....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:40, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woo Hoo!
The cunt mentioned in here has finally got his just desserts!

On Friday night, I discovered he's stolen off more people than me, and a lot more than £90. Two people I know took him in when he was kicked out by his parents last time. They're young parents, and aren't exactly well off as it is. He took £300 off them, and while he lived there, they found proof that he’d stolen off other friends too. (they found multiple wallets, always empty, easy to cover by saying ‘how the hell did that get in there?’)

Me and the aforementioned couple discussed what we should do, and I informed them that I’d already spoken to the police, so they need to register a complaint too. They’re doing that tomorrow (haven’t been able to get to the station today). About an hour later, I receive a text where the thief complains that he never had my bank card, as he ‘would never risk his career in the RAF’ – WTF? They don’t take many 23 year olds who smoke too much and can’t run anywhere. I ignored this text.

This was followed by a text a few hours later where he – sounding much more worried – asked me why there were police coming to his house, and begging me to tell him? I ignored this text too.

Today I received a grovelling text, admitting he’d stolen it, and agreeing to pay it back. I knew full well he wouldn’t have sent this on his own, so I waited for the inevitable phone call. Within an hour, an officer was on the phone asking how long I’m going to give him to pay me back! Result! As this is his first offence, there’s nothing they can really do, unless they receive another (see above).

I’ve given him a month to pay me back, as well as requesting an official apology, signed and all (going to frame it). Then, I requested another letter in which he states that he’ll never contact me again, be it by email, text, or phone call. Never again.

Frankly, I’m just relieved it’s over for the time being.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:24, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Off Topic Top Trumps
Have you ever sat at home alone, wondering what it would be like if the inhabitants of Off Topic were in actual fact characters from Pokemon? Well, wonder your silly head no more...

althegeordie beckyjsbx

Bert BGB

crackhouseceilidhband chickenlady

davros's granddad Enzyme

That bloke from talk Kaol

PJM The Grammar Badger

tourettes VampyreCat

Vipros

Apologies to anybody I missed, it took long enough to make these as it was, and they're remarkably shit.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:51, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

so i have just bought
myself the most beautiful shiny new car, and it's been parked on my street for TWO DAYS.

and i come out this morning, and some complete and total cunt has just ripped my aerial off. for fun. and maybe for bitterness. that'll be £500 then, and i am pretty sure they'll just do it again once i pay to fix it.

at the moment, the thought of grating off all their skin and rolling them in salt doesn't come close to what i could do if i caught the culprit. any other good revenge suggestions to make me feel better this afternoon, pleeeease?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 14:11, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where is everyone?
I'm in a very good mood and want to converse with fellow B3tans in a jovial manner.
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 13:12, 160 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

what a fucking idiot
www.journal-news.net/page/content.detail/id/525232.html
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 12:25, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tudor Crisps
Well, these days you simply canny get a 'canny bag of tudor', which is a real fucking shame.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tudor_Crisps

With such delectable flavoured morsels such as Gammon, Hot Dog & Mustard and the impossibly superb Fried Onion, why did they let themselves be bought over, anally raped and buried in a shallow grave.

Oh,and who could forget their eye wateringly good, Pickled Onion. All subsequent attempts at this flavour have been piss fucking poor.

So the question is, if you could revive just one dearly departed snack, what would it be...me, i would probably go for Phileas Fogg's Pastrami Bagel Bites.



*squirt, squirt, squirt*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 11:21, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning retards
how are you today?

good weekend?

I watched this programme called School of Comedy yesterday. Sketch show done by teenagers. It was actually pretty funny.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 8:41, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

food
I've just been a different Chinese takeaway than my regular. The fact that the person behind the counter looked EXACTLY like the diamond-face villain from Die Another Day did not make up for how startlingly bland the food was.

What Bond Villain-a-like has sold you a piss poor takeaway? Perhaps a Turkish version of Scaramanga has sold you a kebeb that tasted of the polystyrene box they put it in.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 4 Oct 2009, 22:50, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is there anyone b3tary here?
Or is it all fluff and shit?
( thealternativefact, Sun 4 Oct 2009, 18:38, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good Morning Fluffers Everywhere!

And what a gorgeous morning it is.
Made all the more gorgeous by the fact that i am enjoying my 5th consecutive hangover-free morning.
That's right folks, B69 appears to have given up the drink!!!
Woo! Yay!
Woo-Yay!!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 4 Oct 2009, 8:11, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I want to go to bed.
Unfortunately there's a stoned looking Siamese curled up on my pillow, and when I displace him he climbs back up and curls around my head.

If I lock him out of the room he belms outside the door. It's too cold out tonight to throw him outside- he's getting elderly and frail. If I just chuck him off the bed he comes back up moments later.

I'm thinking that maybe I should throw him under the covers and give him a Dutch Oven. Therefore I'm drinking dark beer to work up the farts.

I love the cat, but at times he can be a real pain...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 4 Oct 2009, 4:04, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My weekend has gone horribly wrong.
To cheer myself up, I'm going to get a curry. But what one?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 3 Oct 2009, 19:27, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)