Home Sweet Home

Tonight's question: Have you grown anything interesting lately?


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 19:30, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

what are you doing?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 16:59, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hey...This is my slight come back to B3ta...
How is everyone?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 15:49, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HERE!
This is a good example.
When the QOTW is shit, and you can't really get in to any top grade lies about sex in regards to the topic. What happens on here?
The fun never stops over on /talk, except when I leave and it becomes shit.
But then again, that's the same for all of b3ta.

Recently I won new fans on /Links. A board I rarely go on.
By the end of the first "Calm down Fatty" session, I was already being hailed as a hero.
But let's not get side tracked with talk about how I'm much better than the rest of you for once.

Yes.
When the QOTW is shit. What do you do to compensate?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 14:50, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*Walks into the room, looking at my shoes, hands in pockets*
Hi Everyone,

This is a huge huge huge appologie for fucking up on Saturday. I know it's no excuse, but working in the cab office has really messed with my head, friday night was a nightmare, and I woke up on saturday at around 17:00 with a groggy head and a bad mood. I gotta get out of there, but like most of you, I need the cash and can't leave until I find an alternative stable revinue. I won't get into the whole thing (although I probably have in dribs'n'drabs), but I feel that if I'm there this time next year, it would be a massive failure on my part, and I would be a complete disgrace to those who matter to me (true or not, that's how I feel).

It got confirmed how...ermm... 'on a different level' I am with everyone when someone came in with a "Multi-level marketing, which is definatly not a peromid scheme, definatly a surefire way of getting a free car", and how after I explained it, half the office still wanted to sign up.

I wish I went on saturday, I really do, I even had the day off work for it, and I'm a twat for not going.

Anyway, that is all, cheers.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 14:47, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Drunk food
This weekend was pretty decadent.

Friday- after 7 bottles of desperados and some unkown spirits I had a greasy burger and then a re-heated takeaway curry.
Saturday- Massive hangover fry up with all the trimmings, then shit loads of cider, battered sausage and chips before going out and then fish, chips and a gherkin after.
Sunday - Pub cheese and bacon burger, 2 cupcakes and then a domino's pizza.

Who can beat that?

What's the best food to eat when drunk in your opinion?

p.s. I had a salad today!
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Mon 2 Nov 2009, 14:11, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Slow day today....
Am I alone in thinking that this week's QOTW is really shit?

I've read a few half decent stories, but even the best ones are pretty dull as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 13:31, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm thinking about cutting my fringe.
I just can't make up my mind to cut it or let it grow to the side.

WHY HAS LIFE GOT TO BE SO FUCKING DIFFICULT.

Can I even get used to having a fringe again and having my hair in my face. My fantastic eyebrows will be hidden and what if I cut it and then change my mind.

So many unanswered questions.
( girlinthehole, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 13:30, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today's ear worm is
Queens of the Stone Age - Mosquito Song.

excellent song, but I'm getting tired of the two lines I've had stuck in my head all morning.

how was your weekend? I had a good party, with excellent pumpkins, good fancy dress and a lot of fake spider web.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 12:00, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Aplogies to any b3tans in traffic on saturday
I was in a crash that closed the westbound M62 for a bit
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 11:37, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning all.
Shittest weekend in living memory. Hounded and abused by text continually by the mother of my child culminating in her cancelling my visit. By 4pm yesterday I was crashing round my flat having drunk two bottles of red wine, and by 5pm I was in bed.

Cheer me up you cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 9:26, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bloody hell. It's quieter than Anne Frank's house in here tonight.
What's the matter? You all got lives or something?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 1 Nov 2009, 23:33, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Saw the film 'Up' today with my nephew and it was rather enjoyable.
Won a metal double bed on ebay for £34 to go in the spare room and had a very good session at the gym.

A cup of tea and some peppermint Aero to finish off and not a bad day.
( girlinthehole, Sun 1 Nov 2009, 19:58, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

We were supposed to be moving house today.
Except we aren't.
It has been re-scheduled for next weekend.
GRRRRRRRRR!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 1 Nov 2009, 8:19, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've escaped lightly tonight
Only eight sets of misbegotten sprogs have brayed on my door demanding money for wearing dismal outfits from Matalan.

For their pains they've received 10p and a plastic soldier (found a bag of them in the attic.)

I've not checked my cars yet to see whether my tithe has prevented the little gobshites from breaking the aerials. Fuckers.

What a ridiculous event Halloween has become.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 22:34, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

halloween fancy dress
sorry probably bindun a million times already, but anyone going to a fancy dress party tonight, and as what??

i thought i'd be original and make my own costume rather than buy a readymade one. so i bought a purple sequinned minidress and have teamed it with fishnet tights, black thigh high boots, a mahoosively backcombed "vampiress" wig, and lashings of dark red lipstick, black eyeliner and white face paint.

i look like a total and utter cunt. who fell into a vat of shit clown makeup on the way to clownschool. the only solution is vodka and more vodka.

hope everyone else looks better than i do... happy happy halloween!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 19:12, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

thought I'd share this terrifying halloween image with you
of a screaming skeleton - in replies as i can't remember how to make it smaller
( ascorbate, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 17:06, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just got a naughty version of the new Slayer album.
Arsenal won 3-0 and I've been promised a curry for dinner tonight once the Mrs gets back from her shopping trip.

I think I'll have a croissant.

Why do you think your life is better than mine? Or why is it shit? Either way suits me fine.
(Bazongaloid, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 16:11, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've got a bat icon
You've all got pumpkins.

I FUCKING RULE.
( chart cat has an itch, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 9:59, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Question of the week!
HOW. ARE. YOUR. BURGERS.


thankyou cheers
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 1:06, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's a copy'n'paste from /Talk because I love you both equaly
Ooooo Gonz, you CAD.
This month I was short on cash, so I thought "Fuck it, i'll cancel LA Fitness subscription". This month they've sent me really abrupt text messages, and today I phoned them up, and they told me that if I don't pay them today, it's going to a debt collection agency, so I paid them. I then told them that I want to cancil, and she got all shitty with me, didn't try to sweet talk me. "Just so you know, I'm recording this, and will make it public record*"

However, I've just rembered, I have a whole month and 12 day passes, so I'm going to give them to George, my local big issue man, so he can rest his over-worked feet in their new "WOW £419,000 REFIT", and I'm going to keep it in my pocket and give the tickets to all the lovely homeless people I come across every few days, so they can relax in a jacouzi/steam-room/swimming pool.


* At the time, I was thinking of fuckin up shitcunts social network stuff.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 31 Oct 2009, 0:22, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd Give it 10 Minutes. Celebrity Edition
Hi there. First time.
I'm just back from the toilet after havin a shit and should be feeling happy and content. But no I'm annoyed and disgusted because the missus had paid a sneaky visit before me and while the pre-warmed seat was a bonus, the aroma from her vile dump lingered heavy in the air.
Anyway whilst shitting I was scanning through her Now magazine and I started wondering which celebrity I would least like to go into the toilet after they had been.

Heres 3

1.Jo Brand
2.Carol McGuffin
3.Brian Blessed

Anymore?
(Helmut McBucket invites you to pull his finger on, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 20:35, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So the son of a friend of mine has just been diagnosed with aspbergers
One of the main symptoms was that he was completely obsessed with Star Wars and Doctor Who.
By that measure all the men I've ever met are autistic.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 30 Oct 2009, 20:27, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's official, Rob thinks the Great QOTW Fail Archive is A Good Thing.
GET IN!
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 16:25, 193 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Today I have been pretending that Al's username is 'Alanthegayorderly'.
If you could rename a b3tan to something more appropriate to the kind of person they are, who would it be, and what would you call them?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 16:17, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Payday!!!
I'm sure its payday for quite a few of us. Today I've purchased a can of sprite, a cheeseburger and a couple of Marvel books from play.com.

With the exception of paying bills, mortgages and stuff, what have you spent you're hard earned cash on so far?

EDIT: I also got the 'Bad Lieutenant' album and its reet good.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 15:56, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mrs Monkeysex's left boob is a tiny little bit smaller than her right one.
She's quite paranoid about it, despite the fact that it's completely unnoticeable; unless you happen to be staring at her naked body at very close proximity, actually looking for defects.

So, which hideous malformations does your body have?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:55, 84 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is there anything more arousing than the dulcet tones of David Attenborough?
news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8330000/8330705.stm

And how the fuck did a fish evolve to look like that?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:48, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You people seem to have gone strange
what has been happening?

edit: Reading a comment from Monty has reminded me of some Curtis Mayfield lyrics

"i'm your mamma, i'm your daddy
i'm that nigga in the alley
i'm your doctor, when in need
want some coke, have some weed"

awesome song
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:27, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)